David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 5

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Nine

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-nine: add items to the Taco Bell menu.

Has anyone tried this? It’s worth a shot.

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Published on September 11, 2020 17:00

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Eight

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-eight: more naps. I know I covered this yesterday already, but this is like more.

MORE!

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Published on September 10, 2020 17:00

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Seven

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-seven: take a nap, like for the whole day.

Why not? You know you want to.

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Published on September 09, 2020 17:00

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Six

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-six: yesterday I mentioned reenacting movies with toys from your childhood, like Pulp Fiction using He-Man figures. Then it hit me: not everyone has toys from their childhood. Well, today’s idea is HEAD TO EBAY AND BUY TOYS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD!

You know they’re there.

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Published on September 08, 2020 17:00

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Five

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-five: reenact movies with toys from your childhood, something like Pulp Fiction using He-Man figures.

The more inappropriate the better.

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Published on September 07, 2020 17:00

Ideas For Things To Do At Home While Isolating Day One Hundred And Seventy-Four

Ideas for things to do at home while isolating day one hundred and seventy-four: try to dial out.

HOW TO DIAL OUT

1) Dial 9

2)Wait for beeping sound. Hang up again.

3)When phone rings, pick up receiver.

4)Dial 1-800-555-1982. Listen to the sound of phone company solenoids switching. Relaxing, isn’t it?

5)When Shanghai operator answers, press phone cradle buttons.

6)Nothing will happen.

7)Face East, cross yourself thrice while muttering “jadoo, jadoo, jadoo.” Then press them again,with feeling.

8)Dial 22-digit Satellite Code Number.

9)Dial your Social Security Number.

10)Multiply by your age and divide by 5. Dial resulting number.

11)Pray fervently to whatever Gods there be.

12)If a man answers, hang up and repeat steps 1-12.

13)A female voice will ask, “Is this the party to whom I am speaking?” Your reply should be,“Do you have Sir Walter Raleigh in a can?”

14)You will be transferred to “Gustave”. Ask no questions, but tell him anything he wants to know. (Do not let him know you are shocked.) Dial the number he gives you and hang up.

15)Your phone will ring. Ask for John Lennon. A voice will reply, “The Walrus was Paul.” You reply, “Paul is dead.” You will then be put on hold. Whatever you do, for God’s sake don’t hang up! It could be extremely dangerous.

16)A hollow, inflectionless, rather mechanical voice will come on the line and ask for your date of birth and favorite color. Do not answer truthfully. (Ignore the odd clicks and static while this information is being processed.)

17)You will be issued a 10-digit Universal Access Code. Write it down quickly, it will not be repeated.

18)Using your Universal Access Code, dial your own number. A voice will answer and ask for John Lennon. You say, “The Walrus was Paul.” The voice will reply, “Paul is dead.” Put the line on hold.

19)After a few minutes, imitate a hollow, inflectionless, rather mechanical-sounding voice and ask for date of birth and favorite color. Tap the receiver and crinkle cellophane paper nearby to imitate a few seconds of static. Then rattle off a 10-digit number and hang up.

20)Dial 9.