David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 150

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Seven: I Was Once Terrified Of A Stuffed Animal

I admit it, I was once terrified of a stuffed gorilla. I can remember it even now. It was something like five feet tall and sat in some kind of store in Loveland, Colorado (the city, not the ski resort). I went in that store on multiple occasions and was afraid of the gorilla each time. I knew it was stuffed, I knew I didn’t need to be afraid, and yet I still was.

Of course, I was two.

Funny that I can still remember that.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Six: My Mushroom Hatred Is My Own Fault

I hate mushrooms. I despise them. I can stomach button mushrooms a bit, but that’s because they’re so filled with brine that they don’t even resemble real mushrooms anymore, taste or otherwise. However, it’s my own fault.

When I was in preschool, I loved mushrooms. Couldn’t get enough. I distinctly remember a bunch of mushrooms growing out of a log by a fence in the wooded area my preschool maintained and let us play in (a Montessori, the fenced off wooded area was pretty nice). I remember having eaten them, the whole patch growing out of the log. I liked mushrooms back then, remember? Also, I was something like three or four at the time. I don’t remember precisely how people found out, but I suspect some other kids told on me. Other kids are like that. The school and my parents must have assumed they were poisonous, because I definitely remember being at the doctor’s office where I was throwing up into a metal bin because they’d given me syrup of ipecac.

I haven’t been able to stand mushrooms since.

I still have no idea whether that patch in preschool was poisonous or not.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Five: Grand Theft Lawnmower

When I was a young child, I must have had some kind of fascination with riding lawnmowers. When I was about two or three, I’m told I would disappear frequently only to be found several blocks away trying to start a nearby neighbor’s riding lawnmower. My parents were thrilled that I never figured out how to start it.

The results were projected to be horrific.

I would like to say that I have no memory of this whatsoever. I have some pretty decent memories for big events when I was a child, even remembering an image my second birthday. I have trouble comprehending that I would remember nothing of repeatedly running off to steal riding lawnmowers.

I have to at least entertain some doubts regarding what my parents have told me.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Four: I Actually Had A Crystal Pepsi Recently

I scoffed publicly about the limited time return of Crystal Pepsi. I remarked that it was great that I could now reflect that I hadn’t cared about it when it was out the first time back in the early nineties. I drank it then, but I didn’t really care. It was just Pepsi without the artificial coloring. What was the big deal? However, then I happened to be at a Walgreens where they had some…and I bought a small bottle. Limited time, right? Why not at least try to revisit the nostalgia?

Yup, I didn’t like it any more than I remembered. I drank about half the bottle before realizing I didn’t want all that corn syrup for something that didn’t taste any different than normal Pepsi but looked like 7Up. I just didn’t care enough…and threw the rest of the bottle away.

Just like back in the early 90s.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Three: I Actually Asked To Be Taken To See “Follow That Bird”

Yeah, I actually asked to be taken to see Follow that Bird.

So what? It was 1985 and I was something like 9 years old. My parents and sister were going to a Tina Turner and wouldn’t take me. They told me I could go see a movie instead. Due to an aggressive marketing campaign, I was tricked into asking for this.

Even being something like only 9, I thought it was pretty stupid.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day Two: I Practice Whistling Alone In Elevators

I can’t really whistle. It’s not completely impossible, though I thought it was for the longest time. Within the last ten years or so, I managed to whistle a little, but not regularly or well. However, sometimes kind of. Sometimes when I’m riding along in an elevator, which is pretty often given my usual movement patterns, I practice.

I don’t know why, or why I care.

Whistling seems important. I’d like to be able to do it whenever I want, instead of just kind of sometimes. No idea why I can do it on rare occasions, but then not the rest of the time.

Oddly, whistling on the inhale is easier.

Seven Days Of Pointless Confessions. Day One: I Paused A Book Recently

I read a lot. Rarely do I take a break while reading a book. However, recently I took a break from Parade’s End by Ford Madox Ford

in order to read Birthday Letters by Ted Hughes,

If You What by Melissa Goodrich,

and Falter Kingdom by Michael Seidlinger.

I just got a little bogged down in Parade’s End and needed a break. The first 100-200 pages really set up why you care, and it takes so long to get there. The book is about 750 pages, and is actually four books.

For once, I needed a break. The above were it.

Now back to Parade’s End by Ford Madox Ford.

Where Do We Bury The Survivors Again?

Wait, I know this one. Where do we bury the survivors again?

Canada River Party: 1,500 Americans Illegally Wash Up in Ontario

It’s International Buy My Books Day!

Did you know that today is International Buy One Of My Books Day? It is! I certainly am not relying on the fact that there are so many little holidays out there that you couldn’t possibly be sure that it isn’t.

You should just buy one of my books to be sure.

(I hope this works.)

 

 

 

 

A Dumb Animated Gif

What would be your idea of a dumb animated gif? How about one that isn’t really animated?

Seriously. I went searching for “castle greyskull animated gif.” I thought I’d find some cool bit from one of the 80s era commercials where someone was playing with it. I did, but the only animated part is the instability of the television screen on which this was filmed. All this contains is a few seconds of film clip from a no-motion part of a commercial.

How dumb of an animated gif is that? I’m sure someone had a reason for making this, but it seems pretty weird to me.

Of course I had to use it and complain instead of looking for a real motion one.