David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 100

Kinder Is Making Us Think We’re Getting Away With Something

Those of us in the US keep talking about the ban on Kinder eggs. However, we’ve been seeing some of these crop up in the US. I tried one abroad only to find one on sale at home. We got confused, but it turns out that Kinder messed with us to make us think we were getting away with something.

The originals had toys inside a chocolate egg:

The FDA won’t allow that here, hence the ban. However, there is now a new Kinder where the toy and chocolate are on separate halves (kind of like the McDLT ):

We can have that here, and do. I’m sure others were like me in snapping them up thinking we were getting away with something in view of the ban. However, this new form doesn’t run afoul of the FDA because the toy and chocolate are separate. These aren’t banned and we aren’t getting away with anything. We still aren’t getting what was banned here.

But we want it more because we think we are. Very sneaky, Kinder. Very sneaky.

I’ve Actually Hit 300,000 Hits On Here

I’ve actually hit 300,000 hits on here.

That’s like if 2/3 of the population of Omaha, Nebraska clicked to view my blog once each and then never returned. Also, you have to consider that I’ve had this blog going for 7 1/2 years now (since July 2010).

Okay, I’m going to stop putting this in context now.

Where’s The Love For All The Other Laundry Pods?

Everybody keeps talking about Tide pods. Why’s Tide get all the love? Where’s the love for all the other laundry pods? There’s a heck of a lot more than Tide out there.

People, get on this. Tide is such a small portion of the world. Expand your horizons.

I No Longer Want Oatmeal Now That I Can Have It

It’s funny, I used to crave oatmeal. I loved the flavor, even without any sugar or maple syrup. Just a tiny pat of butter at most, I loved it. I couldn’t have it though, I was allergic to oats as a kid. Couldn’t even have Cream of Wheat since I was allergic to wheat as well. My food allergies all went away by the time I was about 13, so I could eat what I wanted. By now, oatmeal seems vaguely like garbage even when sweetened or flavored.

Guess I just wanted it because I couldn’t have it.

I’m Trying To Eat Less

I’m trying to eat less. I eat more than I need to and need to cut that out.

It’s very difficult.

Tell Me This Doesn’t Seem Dark

Tell me this doesn’t seem dark:

There’s all that stuff programmed into my head about how good and sweet the Smurfs are. I’ve watched tons of episodes (I have no idea why) reinforcing that. Still, just from the configuration, my brain expects that they are about to sacrifice Gargamel and Azrael. Something in that configuration on a lower level just overrides everything I know on a more analytical level.

I guess I never completely trusted those Smurfs.

My Bologna Has A First Name

My bologna has a first name. It also has a dead end job, a crippling mortgage, and several concerning moles. My bologna has a two car garage, an expanded basic cable package, and a vague dissatisfaction with the way Alf ended. It has joo joo eyeball, toe jam football, monkey finger, and hair down to its knee. It has an existential crisis centering on the disappearance of Ripple from the liquor section of its local supermarket. It’s got the Mott’s.

Bologna can have all sorts of things when you don’t eat it. I generally avoid eating bologna. Don’t even know why I have it in the first place.

A Tide Pod Confession

I have a Tide pod confession. My confession is that I have never had any urge to eat a Tide pod. I have had the urge to pop them, like bubble wrap perhaps, but it has never occurred to me to consider eating them.

I’m still hoping no one is really doing this and the stuff I’ve been seeing recently is urban legend and people being gullible that someone might really do this.

Don’t disabuse me of this if I am wrong.

An Urge To Make A Fake Twitter Parody Account

I have this urge to make a fake twitter parody account that’s a pretend ultra conservative version of Half an Onion in a Bag. It would be called “The Other Half” and would be something like  Christians for Michele Bachmann. I figured I could use  Half an Onion in a Bag‘s picture, but add a mustache to go for the whole Star Trek evil twin thing.

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Too bad I’m lazy and the urge is the furthest this goes. It sounds fun, but it’d be far too much work.

Remember Yesterday?

Remember yesterday when I asked what band I was and showed these four pictures?

Here’s the answer:

Yeah, I know. This was awful.