Allison Knight's Blog, page 5
May 3, 2014
The Journey
I have definitely had better weeks. Yesterday and today, I discovered I can't take a shower in our enclosed shower stall, with my O2, because the tubing isn't long enough and I have to hold it with one hand to keep the danged thing from trying to strangle me and try and soap up a wash rag with one hand. I'm just not that dexterous. And this infection has really taken hold.
Talk about poop out in seconds. Boy! that's me. I sleep for almost an hour and a half this morning, after the struggle to take a shower. I've got to figure something out here. 'Cause this 'ain't' working.
DH is trying to help, but caregiver he is not. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to talk about it.
I think this is going to be a problem.
Oldest is coming on Monday. He and I talk plainly, and he does understand. So I'm going to turn his father over to him. Isn't that nice of me? No, you don't have to answer that.
Now on to lunch. This we can handle.
Allison
Talk about poop out in seconds. Boy! that's me. I sleep for almost an hour and a half this morning, after the struggle to take a shower. I've got to figure something out here. 'Cause this 'ain't' working.
DH is trying to help, but caregiver he is not. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to talk about it.
I think this is going to be a problem.
Oldest is coming on Monday. He and I talk plainly, and he does understand. So I'm going to turn his father over to him. Isn't that nice of me? No, you don't have to answer that.
Now on to lunch. This we can handle.
Allison
Published on May 03, 2014 12:02
May 2, 2014
The Journey
The hospice arrived yesterday afternoon to check on me. He told me before he left, I did look better, not nearly as tired, that the Cipro does take time and I need to give it another day of two before I could declare myself on the full road to recovery as far that infection is concerned. I knew that, because I suspect I've been on a Cipro regime a dozen times. Always before when I started to feel better I dived into my tasks. Not doing that this time. I am going to take it slow, finish the course and then I'll get started on my tasks. I do not want to go though this again. Breathing is hard enough. A lung infection on top of the other "ain't" fun.
There's a lot to be done. Things to put away, promos to prepare for Lovesong which comes out in days. My desk is piled so high with papers, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll lose something. so a little sit down organization is in hand. I can hear DH mutter 'about time.' His desk is clear, everything has a place, he has all these little boxes marked with labels which say, pens, pencils, stamps, sticky notes, paper pads, rubber bands. I could go on and on, He probably used a whole package of labels on his little boxes.
Not me. Things are in stacks. This stack is for promo, this stack has to do with end of life, that stack is the hospice stuff, that stack over there has to do with plot ideas, and the one I have to move out of my chair has to do with the week's bills. Organized? Yes! His way. NOPE!
He doesn't come into my office often, which is a good thing. I don't go to his either. I get jealous. But, I'm not about to take two months out of my shortened life to do something so foreign to me, everyone in my family would think I'd lost me mind.
And now, I going to lay back in my recliner and take a short nap. I'm taking it easy
Allison
There's a lot to be done. Things to put away, promos to prepare for Lovesong which comes out in days. My desk is piled so high with papers, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll lose something. so a little sit down organization is in hand. I can hear DH mutter 'about time.' His desk is clear, everything has a place, he has all these little boxes marked with labels which say, pens, pencils, stamps, sticky notes, paper pads, rubber bands. I could go on and on, He probably used a whole package of labels on his little boxes.
Not me. Things are in stacks. This stack is for promo, this stack has to do with end of life, that stack is the hospice stuff, that stack over there has to do with plot ideas, and the one I have to move out of my chair has to do with the week's bills. Organized? Yes! His way. NOPE!
He doesn't come into my office often, which is a good thing. I don't go to his either. I get jealous. But, I'm not about to take two months out of my shortened life to do something so foreign to me, everyone in my family would think I'd lost me mind.
And now, I going to lay back in my recliner and take a short nap. I'm taking it easy
Allison
Published on May 02, 2014 07:38
May 1, 2014
The Journey
Ugh! Still moving slowly so the antibiotics aren't working that well yet. Of course, it usually takes three days, so I'm pushing it. I've only taken the antibiotics for two and a half days. I really need the whole three days, maybe four. It takes time for this stuff to get into the blood stream, unfortunately. So, I'm giving myself another day and a half before I declare it worked - or it didn't.
In the meantime, our oldest son is coming next week and I have to put my list of things I want him to do when he gets here. The one thing he has to do is trim my rose bush that finally bloomed. It only blooms once and needs to be trimmed after it blooms. My DH will also have a list for him. The TV is misbehaving, probably because of the storms we had Monday and Tuesday.
We're close to the cities that took such hits with the rain. There are pics on the Facebook that show the damage. It's going to take a lot of time, effort, and money to fix the mess we have here. So my problems are minor compared to some of the problems the citizens here are facing. If you've ever tried to dry a piece of paper, or a photo, you know have hard it is. Add mud, and slim, and it gets a whole lot worse. And that's what an awful lot of people are doing over the Gulf Area that flooded.
A few prayers of those poor people would be appreciated, even if they don't know you are praying for them.
Allison
In the meantime, our oldest son is coming next week and I have to put my list of things I want him to do when he gets here. The one thing he has to do is trim my rose bush that finally bloomed. It only blooms once and needs to be trimmed after it blooms. My DH will also have a list for him. The TV is misbehaving, probably because of the storms we had Monday and Tuesday.
We're close to the cities that took such hits with the rain. There are pics on the Facebook that show the damage. It's going to take a lot of time, effort, and money to fix the mess we have here. So my problems are minor compared to some of the problems the citizens here are facing. If you've ever tried to dry a piece of paper, or a photo, you know have hard it is. Add mud, and slim, and it gets a whole lot worse. And that's what an awful lot of people are doing over the Gulf Area that flooded.
A few prayers of those poor people would be appreciated, even if they don't know you are praying for them.
Allison
Published on May 01, 2014 08:15
April 30, 2014
The Journey
Today was a cook breakfast together day. It went well. I wasn't very hungry. I was really tired by the time we got the scrambled eggs and sausage ready, but I felt we both needed a better meal today then some of the stuff we've been throwing together. People don't realize how important certain food stuffs are.
I do have DH back on cereal and milk in the am. His Calcium (Ca) level has got to be low. and I know he's not getting the B vitamins he needs. Those are the feel good vitamins. or what we used to call them. They all have some kind of an affect on how you feel, so they are extremely important. Those are your breads, cereals, beans, some meats. Or at least that's what I remember. It's been a long time since I studied that stuff. (grinning) besides today we have google. Check out the B vitamins. There are all kinds of nutritional lists available.
I still am moving slowly, oh, so slowly, but then most antibiotics don't to a thing in pill form until you are into your third day, or in some cases, your fourth day. I don't expect to see much change until late Friday, or even Saturday. By then, if I'm still moving slowly and tiring in seconds, (not minutes) they intend to bring the xray machine to the house, (Oh I love that - modern technology) and take some pics to see what's going on. I just don't want to have to go through another bronc, short for bronchoscopy. I've had eight of 'them' suckers and I don't want another one. It usually means IV meds for a week to ten days. So I have to mix this stuff and attach the IV tube to the port and then sit and do nothing until the meds are done. Would you believe an hour and a half to two hours. Not something I like to do. Of course, now moving as slowly as I am, it probably wouldn't matter. Except I'll feel much better in a couple of days and then be chomping at the bit to move. (grinning) It's a can't win scenario.
Maybe I should leave it in the hands of the experts? I can here DH saying, "playing doctor again?"
And I did say I wouldn't do that again, somewhere along the line......
Into my office to see what I should have been doing for the last four or five or ten days.
Allison
I do have DH back on cereal and milk in the am. His Calcium (Ca) level has got to be low. and I know he's not getting the B vitamins he needs. Those are the feel good vitamins. or what we used to call them. They all have some kind of an affect on how you feel, so they are extremely important. Those are your breads, cereals, beans, some meats. Or at least that's what I remember. It's been a long time since I studied that stuff. (grinning) besides today we have google. Check out the B vitamins. There are all kinds of nutritional lists available.
I still am moving slowly, oh, so slowly, but then most antibiotics don't to a thing in pill form until you are into your third day, or in some cases, your fourth day. I don't expect to see much change until late Friday, or even Saturday. By then, if I'm still moving slowly and tiring in seconds, (not minutes) they intend to bring the xray machine to the house, (Oh I love that - modern technology) and take some pics to see what's going on. I just don't want to have to go through another bronc, short for bronchoscopy. I've had eight of 'them' suckers and I don't want another one. It usually means IV meds for a week to ten days. So I have to mix this stuff and attach the IV tube to the port and then sit and do nothing until the meds are done. Would you believe an hour and a half to two hours. Not something I like to do. Of course, now moving as slowly as I am, it probably wouldn't matter. Except I'll feel much better in a couple of days and then be chomping at the bit to move. (grinning) It's a can't win scenario.
Maybe I should leave it in the hands of the experts? I can here DH saying, "playing doctor again?"
And I did say I wouldn't do that again, somewhere along the line......
Into my office to see what I should have been doing for the last four or five or ten days.
Allison
Published on April 30, 2014 11:22
April 29, 2014
The Journey
My hospice nurse arrived. And we talked. I had a list of 15 items to discuss. I'm a list maker, you see.
I went item by item and he listened to most of the list, asking a couple of question along the way. When I finished, he summarized my list with one comment. "You have a bad infection and since you've had them before you know what you need."
I'm back on antibiotics, good old Cipro.
Before he listed each of my complaints, he added a comment about calling for help, which I should have done sooner., Then he went through each item on my list and described how a bad inflection could cause my complaint. So, I have a new/old med that has always worked before. I sure hope so, because the last week, all I did, or could do, was sleep and try to get from one room to another.
DH's back is still bad, so I need to get on my feet. laundry needs to be done, I need to do the cooking - after yesterday's lunch. (grinning). I did fix me a sandwich today. I ask DH to get everything together, then I fixed what I wanted and ate it. Good Lunch, if I do say so. Now, I'm going to trying to balance the check book. Then it will be time for a nap. Last night's storms, loud with lots of lightening kept us both awake for awhile.
Tomorrow I still will probably be slow, but by Thursday I should be improving. Hooray. All of my complaints the nurse says can be a result of a bad infection. I suspect I have a lulu of a mess in my poor little left lung!
Allison
I went item by item and he listened to most of the list, asking a couple of question along the way. When I finished, he summarized my list with one comment. "You have a bad infection and since you've had them before you know what you need."
I'm back on antibiotics, good old Cipro.
Before he listed each of my complaints, he added a comment about calling for help, which I should have done sooner., Then he went through each item on my list and described how a bad inflection could cause my complaint. So, I have a new/old med that has always worked before. I sure hope so, because the last week, all I did, or could do, was sleep and try to get from one room to another.
DH's back is still bad, so I need to get on my feet. laundry needs to be done, I need to do the cooking - after yesterday's lunch. (grinning). I did fix me a sandwich today. I ask DH to get everything together, then I fixed what I wanted and ate it. Good Lunch, if I do say so. Now, I'm going to trying to balance the check book. Then it will be time for a nap. Last night's storms, loud with lots of lightening kept us both awake for awhile.
Tomorrow I still will probably be slow, but by Thursday I should be improving. Hooray. All of my complaints the nurse says can be a result of a bad infection. I suspect I have a lulu of a mess in my poor little left lung!
Allison
Published on April 29, 2014 11:00
April 28, 2014
The Journey
Well, the tale today is about lunch. I asked DH to fix soup. I wanted Clam Chowder, the white kind. He likes the kind made with a tomato base, known as Manhattan Clam Chowder. Of course the white kind is made with milk. Well, DH didn't bother looking at the directions. And the poor thing has hurt his back so he's crawling around. I've given him something for pain so we'll see how he does. He tried to pick up a bag of bird seed, a 50 pound bag. That did it. So, no looking at the directions. He made it with water. Ugh. I ate Manhattan Clam Chowder.
I'm not doing that well, myself. So we do make a pair. I'm expecting the hospice nurse later today, so I may get some questions answered. Let you know tomorrow.
Allison
I'm not doing that well, myself. So we do make a pair. I'm expecting the hospice nurse later today, so I may get some questions answered. Let you know tomorrow.
Allison
Published on April 28, 2014 12:22
April 27, 2014
The Journey
Oh, this is fun. I slept almost all of yesterday and a good part of today. I don't understand why I'm so tired. That will be a question for the hospice nurse. And I'm noticing three things. I'm losing a bit of control over my bladder. (Don't go Ugh! This blog is supposed to help people going through the same things, so I'm recording the changes as they occur.)
My daughter is coming today so I'll be sending her to the store for some "Depends" I can just hear her. "Oh, Mother!"
My appetite is starting to shrink a bit, and the mucus I'm coughing up, because with my kind of COPD there is a lot of that, anyway, there is some change in the color. I won't get gross with that.
Along with the need to sleep is the chills I'm experiencing. I get so cold and the temp in the house is 75, 78 degrees F. Don't understand that either. Another hospice nurse question.
As all of this progresses, and it is, I'm hoping I can stay at the keyboard until very close to the end. The whole purpose of this blog was to help others going through the final stages of life. So far, I'm really lucky, because I haven't had a whole lot of pain. That's good, because like most people I really don't like pain. (grinning)
I also know I have a lot of people praying for me, so maybe we can go out without severe pain. (crossing fingers here)
Anyway, taking things slowly and trying to teach DH how to cook. Stories coming later. (Now I am laughing, but quietly, I don't want to hurt his feelings.)
Allison
My daughter is coming today so I'll be sending her to the store for some "Depends" I can just hear her. "Oh, Mother!"
My appetite is starting to shrink a bit, and the mucus I'm coughing up, because with my kind of COPD there is a lot of that, anyway, there is some change in the color. I won't get gross with that.
Along with the need to sleep is the chills I'm experiencing. I get so cold and the temp in the house is 75, 78 degrees F. Don't understand that either. Another hospice nurse question.
As all of this progresses, and it is, I'm hoping I can stay at the keyboard until very close to the end. The whole purpose of this blog was to help others going through the final stages of life. So far, I'm really lucky, because I haven't had a whole lot of pain. That's good, because like most people I really don't like pain. (grinning)
I also know I have a lot of people praying for me, so maybe we can go out without severe pain. (crossing fingers here)
Anyway, taking things slowly and trying to teach DH how to cook. Stories coming later. (Now I am laughing, but quietly, I don't want to hurt his feelings.)
Allison
Published on April 27, 2014 11:16
April 26, 2014
The Journey
Taking things slowly this morning and managing well. I have to keep reminding myself, this is how it is done. I took a shower - slowly. I washed my hair - slowly. I dressed - slowly. Are you getting the idea?
I'm going to bake a cake today. This will also have to be done slowly, I think I just might learn to hate that word. My DH is going to do Kabobs on the grill for lunch so I don't have to worry about that. Which means I can spend some time on the computer. I'm ready to start on chapter two of Once More. I also have a couple of book blogs (blogs written for other authors about my book - the one I wanted to finish so badly which is coming out on the second Monday in May) So there is a lot to do, but I guess if I do this it will have to be ---- You got it -slowly...
Daughter arrives tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to that. She cuts my hair and it needs it badly. She'll be here until Thursday. That should give her lots of time to spend with us. And our oldest son arrives the following Monday. The house gets a quick cleaning and then my cleaning lady and I will talk about a deep cleaning. My granddaughter has kinda (with a bit of a push) volunteered to rearrange our bedroom. I need to rearrange things to work better for me. My O2 machine needs to be closer to our bathroom, I need more room on my side of the bed, and the chair in my reading corner keeps bumping into the window. It needs to be in a different corner, one without a window.
I have new curtains to put up and I want to get rid of this horrible graphic designed tulips border I've stared at since we bought this house. I'm not really fond of graphic designed tulips in my bedroom. so we are painting it. DH does not want another border. I'd love some realistic roses, but he says no, so tulips, here comes the paint.
Now, I need to go start that cake. Slowly....
Allison
I'm going to bake a cake today. This will also have to be done slowly, I think I just might learn to hate that word. My DH is going to do Kabobs on the grill for lunch so I don't have to worry about that. Which means I can spend some time on the computer. I'm ready to start on chapter two of Once More. I also have a couple of book blogs (blogs written for other authors about my book - the one I wanted to finish so badly which is coming out on the second Monday in May) So there is a lot to do, but I guess if I do this it will have to be ---- You got it -slowly...
Daughter arrives tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to that. She cuts my hair and it needs it badly. She'll be here until Thursday. That should give her lots of time to spend with us. And our oldest son arrives the following Monday. The house gets a quick cleaning and then my cleaning lady and I will talk about a deep cleaning. My granddaughter has kinda (with a bit of a push) volunteered to rearrange our bedroom. I need to rearrange things to work better for me. My O2 machine needs to be closer to our bathroom, I need more room on my side of the bed, and the chair in my reading corner keeps bumping into the window. It needs to be in a different corner, one without a window.
I have new curtains to put up and I want to get rid of this horrible graphic designed tulips border I've stared at since we bought this house. I'm not really fond of graphic designed tulips in my bedroom. so we are painting it. DH does not want another border. I'd love some realistic roses, but he says no, so tulips, here comes the paint.
Now, I need to go start that cake. Slowly....
Allison
Published on April 26, 2014 07:27
April 25, 2014
The Journey
After 53 years of marriage, you learn to share just about every single thought with your spouse, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's such a good idea. My DH is not handling this very well.
As I researched my disease and the progress it would probably take, I learned a whole lot of things that would indicate they were moving toward the end. And yes, I'm experiencing some of them now. I wear out in a few minutes. This morning I elected to wait until after my afternoon nap to shower because, even though I had just gotten out of bed, putting the laundry away and dressing, doing the morning meds and brushing my teeth was all I could handle along with a good face wash. And I needed to sit down for some of that.
I'm also cold a lot of the time, even though the temperature inside the house is 75 degree F. A comfortable temperature except for me. Of course the big pay off was the mucus I'm coughing up. It's gone from almost clear to gray green to darker gray green to now pink, which tells me something is bleeding. I'll take to the hospice nurse when she comes today. I know that sounds gross, but that's what's happening.
Of course, I shared all this information with my DH. Bad idea. He didn't handle it well at all. My brother, once diagnose with liver cancer but miraculously cured, said he would go to a hospice house away from his family at the end. Now, I'm wondering if maybe I should consider that. I really had wanted to stay at home, but I don't know whether my DH can deal with it. We are such a part of the other, I have a feeling he's going to feel everything I feel. Not Good! I'll have to talk to the nurse about that as well.
In the meantime, I could sure use a bunch more prayers so I know which way to go. But for now, I'm going to curl up in a nice warm blanket and take a nap.
Allison
As I researched my disease and the progress it would probably take, I learned a whole lot of things that would indicate they were moving toward the end. And yes, I'm experiencing some of them now. I wear out in a few minutes. This morning I elected to wait until after my afternoon nap to shower because, even though I had just gotten out of bed, putting the laundry away and dressing, doing the morning meds and brushing my teeth was all I could handle along with a good face wash. And I needed to sit down for some of that.
I'm also cold a lot of the time, even though the temperature inside the house is 75 degree F. A comfortable temperature except for me. Of course the big pay off was the mucus I'm coughing up. It's gone from almost clear to gray green to darker gray green to now pink, which tells me something is bleeding. I'll take to the hospice nurse when she comes today. I know that sounds gross, but that's what's happening.
Of course, I shared all this information with my DH. Bad idea. He didn't handle it well at all. My brother, once diagnose with liver cancer but miraculously cured, said he would go to a hospice house away from his family at the end. Now, I'm wondering if maybe I should consider that. I really had wanted to stay at home, but I don't know whether my DH can deal with it. We are such a part of the other, I have a feeling he's going to feel everything I feel. Not Good! I'll have to talk to the nurse about that as well.
In the meantime, I could sure use a bunch more prayers so I know which way to go. But for now, I'm going to curl up in a nice warm blanket and take a nap.
Allison
Published on April 25, 2014 07:48
April 24, 2014
The Journey
The chaplain who works with hospice can to call yesterday. My poor DH, who was raised in NY, the Bronx, and his idea of meat, is going to the grocery and grabbing a package wrapped in cellophane.
Eggs came in a package as well, and milk was delivered to the door of the apartment in a glass bottle..
Now the chaplain and I were both raised on a farm, me part time, him full time. I'm from the mid-west, he's from the south, so we starting comparing notes. What fun. There were so many things that are the same. How they did things, compared to how we did thing. Milk, cream, gathering eggs, how we butchered and even why technology has in many ways ruined our meat and some of the vegetables. All in the effort to make money faster.
I really would like to go back to a lot more physical work and a lot more meat fed the stuff they got 50, 60 years ago. There was flavor then.
Before the chaplain left he asked how my days were going. I told him bad days, and good days. He reminded me that as this disease progresses, there will be more bad days than good. So yes, this week there have been more bad days than good. So, if I miss a day, it may be because it's a really bad day. They are coming. I know it, my hospice people know it. Even some of my kids know it. Unfortunately, not all the family accepts it. So here we go again. Can I ask for prayers for those who aren't ready to accept the future? Thanks.
Now, I have clothes to fold. A nice sit down job.
Allison
Eggs came in a package as well, and milk was delivered to the door of the apartment in a glass bottle..
Now the chaplain and I were both raised on a farm, me part time, him full time. I'm from the mid-west, he's from the south, so we starting comparing notes. What fun. There were so many things that are the same. How they did things, compared to how we did thing. Milk, cream, gathering eggs, how we butchered and even why technology has in many ways ruined our meat and some of the vegetables. All in the effort to make money faster.
I really would like to go back to a lot more physical work and a lot more meat fed the stuff they got 50, 60 years ago. There was flavor then.
Before the chaplain left he asked how my days were going. I told him bad days, and good days. He reminded me that as this disease progresses, there will be more bad days than good. So yes, this week there have been more bad days than good. So, if I miss a day, it may be because it's a really bad day. They are coming. I know it, my hospice people know it. Even some of my kids know it. Unfortunately, not all the family accepts it. So here we go again. Can I ask for prayers for those who aren't ready to accept the future? Thanks.
Now, I have clothes to fold. A nice sit down job.
Allison
Published on April 24, 2014 07:48