Alan Fadling's Blog, page 64

Podcast Bonus: A Framework for Change

Today we’re sharing a five part framework for change. We’ve been using this process in our own lives for years and it has kept us on track.

 

Last Fall, our book What Does Your Soul Love? was published. It’s a book about necessary change--a book about how to cooperate with the transforming work of God in us and through us. What does it take to stay on this journey of change over our lifetime?

 

We know that you’re the kind of person who is hungry to make good progress in your life and in your work. You aren’t willing to settle for the driven pace and frantic values of the culture around you. And we all know that the changes brought about by COVID-19 have added a whole new layer of challenges.

 

Some of us have been able to lean into a more relaxed posture with the current guidance on staying at home and social distancing. Some of us are struggling with all this.

 

We are here to help you live and work better with less hurry. So, this summer we are offering two group coaching opportunities that we believe are going to help you navigate this season in which we find ourselves.

 

We share here the five-part framework we’ll use in these groups. It’s a framework that you can use in any situation needing change in your life.

 

Learn more here: http://unhurriedliving.com/coaching

A Framework for Change

Today we’re sharing a five part framework for change. We’ve been using this process in our own lives for years and it has kept us on track.

 

Last Fall, our book What Does Your Soul Love? was published. It’s a book about necessary change--a book about how to cooperate with the transforming work of God in us and through us. What does it take to stay on this journey of change over our lifetime?

 

We know that you’re the kind of person who is hungry to make good progress in your life and in your work. You aren’t willing to settle for the driven pace and frantic values of the culture around you. And we all know that the changes brought about by COVID-19 have added a whole new layer of challenges.

 

Some of us have been able to lean into a more relaxed posture with the current guidance on staying at home and social distancing. Some of us are struggling with all this.

 

We are here to help you live and work better with less hurry. So, this summer we are offering two group coaching opportunities that we believe are going to help you navigate this season in which we find ourselves.

 

We share here the five-part framework we’ll use in these groups. It’s a framework that you can use in any situation needing change in your life.

 

Learn more here: http://unhurriedliving.com/coaching

The Power of Short Prayers

Some fun news! Alan and I just signed contracts for our next book projects. Alan’s book will be about anxiety, or rather, non-anxiety (better known as peace). And I will be writing a book for women about the voices in our heads and how to deal with them.

 

One of the first things I do when writing a book or other large content piece is raid my own journal. I believe it is our own lives that inform our leadership and even our content development. What I have lived and learned is the fodder for what I share with others. My life and my message aren’t two separate things.

 

As I was perusing my journal I stumbled upon this nugget from Henri Nouwen’s The Way of the Heart:

"Abba Macarius was asked 'How should one pray?' The old man said, 'There is no need at all to make long discourses; it is enough to stretch out one's hand and say, "Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy."  And if the conflict grows fiercer say: "Lord, help."  He knows very well what we need and he shows us his mercy.'"

 

This was such a refreshing reminder about the simplicity of making requests of God.

 

In my earlier days I pictured God being far, far away in some distant land. And in my prayers I was somehow begging him to come near and see what was going on. Then it was my job to describe the situation and give a complete rundown of how I thought everything should go. I’m exhausted just describing this to you.

 

Notice the simplicity of Abba Macarius’s words:
"Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy."

 

This about covers it, doesn’t it? This sentence deftly echoes Jesus’ phrase from the Lord’s Prayer: Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

 

God already knows what is happening. God already knows what to do about it. And God is always merciful. Plus, God is always near. God is never elsewhere.

 

So I can take a breather from my long list and simply rest in God’s presence with my request, stating, "Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy."

 

I was talking with some friends a while back and one of them was facing something tragic in their life. I shared this prayer phrase and it became a beautiful landing place for the aching in our hearts. There was no need or desire to fill the air with words. This prayer covered it all.

 

Abba Macarius goes one step further. When things get really tough, the prayer shortens to “Lord, help.” When we are really struggling (“when the conflict grows fiercer”) the energy to pray can sometimes decrease. “Lord, help” is a complete prayer, perfect for those situations in which you have no words.

 

Reflection

If you are in a fierce conflict or a low place right now, I encourage you to try out these two prayers. Allow your circumstance and your trust in God be in the same place at the same time. The trouble may not disappear, but it is possible to rest in the truth that God is with you in it.

 

"Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy."
“Lord, help.”

 

These prayers are enough.

 

Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Overworking for Less Fruit

The other day, I was meeting with a leader in a coaching session and we were talking about the challenges of doing our work differently because of COVID-19. I was sharing that I have refocused a lot of what I do towards more writing and more coaching. He shared the stress of living so much of his life on computer and phone screens.

 

After a bit more conversation, I heard myself say this sentence: “In fact, I have so much important work right now that I’ll never get it done if I don’t slow down.” I really believe this. If I was working on an assembly line, perhaps I could measure my productivity in the simple math of bigger numbers.

 

But my work involves listening to and caring for people. It requires creativity, insight and compassion. Hurrying up doesn’t get more of this kind of work done well.

 

In An Unhurried Life, I wrote these words in a chapter on Productivity:

 “Jesus saw himself as an apprentice to the Father in his work. He was not working on his own. Whatever he did was something he had seen his Father working at. I fear, therefore, that my own overwork is a failure of discernment. Am I following Jesus in my own way of working? Is all the work I’m doing in keeping with what the Father is doing and how he is doing it? Do I know what the Father is doing in the lives of people around me who are affected by my work? Am I working in concert with the Father or, perhaps unaware, in conflict with him? Might I find myself over-doing something God may later have to undo?” (An Unhurried Life, p. 46).

 

Those five questions that close the paragraph are important: 

Am I following Jesus in my own way of working? 


This is the pathway of learning to work with God rather than for This is true whether my job has clear religious dimensions or not. Jesus learns to work as an apprentice to the Father. I can learn to do the same with him.

 

Is all the work I’m doing in keeping with what the Father is doing and how he is doing it? 


I wonder how Jesus would do my job if he were me. How would he relate to all the emails, texts, voicemails and other communications that I receive daily? What would get his deep attention? What would he brush by quickly?

 

Do I know what the Father is doing in the lives of people around me who are affected by my work? 


In prayer, I can come to discern the heart of the Father for another. It is going to be a heart of gentleness, kindness and compassion. I can work in that same spirit.

 

Am I working in concert with the Father or, perhaps unaware, in conflict with him? 


How is my way of working united with the Fathers, and how might my way of working be in conflict with the Father?

 

Might I find myself over-doing something God may later have to undo?”


 When the way I work increases anxiety, both mine and the anxiety of those I serve, then it’s going to need to be undone. I don't want to waste my time and energy on fruitless efforts.

 

For Reflection: 

Look back over those five questions from An Unhurried Life . Is there one that hits especially close to home?
What would it look like to live with that question over the next 48 hours? How might that question help keep you alert to how you might work even more in the spirit of the Father?

 

Photo by Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash

Podcast 123: This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers (KJ Ramsey)

Many of us treat suffering like a problem to fix. Simply put, we’d rather not suffer at all, but if we do, we prefer it to be short. But what if our pain or suffering linger? What if it doesn’t go away quickly or at all?

 

We may wonder if God sees us or if we’ve somehow failed God. We may question God’s very nature. If God loves us, why does he allow us to hurt? Today, I’m talking with KJ Ramsey who has suffered with pain every day for the last 11 years. And she has much to say about the presence and love of God in the midst of that pain. 

 

As a bonus, you can download a sample chapter of KJ's book, This Too Shall Last. All our podcast resources are available here. 

 

http://kjramsey.com/preorder

Social Media: @kjramseywrites

This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers (KJ Ramsey)

Many of us treat suffering like a problem to fix. Simply put, we’d rather not suffer at all, but if we do, we prefer it to be short. But what if our pain or suffering linger? What if it doesn’t go away quickly or at all?

 

We may wonder if God sees us or if we’ve somehow failed God. We may question God’s very nature. If God loves us, why does he allow us to hurt? Today, I’m talking with KJ Ramsey who has suffered with pain every day for the last 11 years. And she has much to say about the presence and love of God in the midst of that pain. 

 

As a bonus, you can download a sample chapter of KJ's book, This Too Shall Last. All our podcast resources are available here. 

 

http://kjramsey.com/preorder

Social Media: @kjramseywrites

You Are Not Forgotten

I’m well past the child-bearing years. My sons are all in their 20s. But those long ago days of pregnancy and little people are still as fresh in my memory as ever. I can still picture their little cherub faces and tiny chiclet teeth. And I can remember how their hair smelled like cookies until they were about five years old (yes, even dirty, stinky boys can have cookie hair).

 

All of this brings to mind Isaiah 49:15:

 

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
    and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
    I will not forget you!”

 

I love this passage because it’s such a huge, undeniable promise. The rhetorical question has an ever-present answer: Of course a mother would never forget her nursing baby! Of course a mother would have compassion on all of her children. 

 

God is saying that even if a mother were to forget her children (which she won’t), God will never forget us. God is doubling down on how much he wants us to know that he will never withhold his love for us. God’s compassion is sure and you will not be forgotten.

 

This is important for us to hold onto as we continue to make our way through this time of pandemic. The longer this goes, the more difficult things become for many of us. Especially the economic repercussions of the social distancing, not to mention the emotional/relational ramifications of the isolation.

 

In the midst of this is the good news: You are not forgotten. 

 

Which means that you are remembered with compassion. Let’s hold onto this truth and let it change us from the inside out. The first person to whom you should show compassion is yourself. How you treat yourself is often how you treat others, so receiving your own compassion is a great place to start.

 

And let’s also extend compassion to those around us. We aren’t the only ones who are anxious, tired or overwhelmed. Let’s extend this compassionate love to everyone we come into contact with on social media, through a Zoom conference or in a grocery store line. 

 

Reflection

Whether you are a parent or not, think of someone special in your life—someone you would never turn your back on—someone you would never forget.
How do you feel about that person? How deeply do you love them?
Now, imagine that your love is just a fraction of how much God loves you (and the whole world).
How might you encounter God today in light of his compassionate, I’ll-never-forget-you love?

Even if the people you love don’t have “cookie-smelling-hair” your commitment to them is sure. And even if you, yourself, don’t have a “cherub face” or “chiclet teeth” God’s love for you is unquestionable. And don’t you forget it.

Podcast Bonus: Peace is a Who, Not a What

The radical changes to our lives and our work continue as we stay home and distance ourselves to slow the spread of the coronavirus. We don’t know how this has impacted your emotions, but we’ve wrestled with anxious thoughts and feelings many times since our stay-at-home orders began in mid-March. 

 

On Sunday after Easter, Alan spoke for our online church service on the theme of peace. We needed it then, and we need it now. The good news of Jesus brings us peace in these uncertain times.

 

Instagram: @unhurriedliving
Facebook: unhurriedliving
YouTube: unhurriedliving

 

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Finding Courage in the Face of Fear

Here in California, it’s been a bit more than a month since our governor announced a stay-at-home order. We were gathered as a family celebrating my 59th birthday the evening it was announced. It seems like new dimensions of that order have been added weekly, even daily, since then. You’ve perhaps had a similar experience. 

 

Many are feeling fearful and uncertain about the future. If I let myself, I can very easily begin to imagine a dire economic future for our family. The cancellation of everything on my calendar through the next number of months has been a radical shift in our plans. 

 

I was glad to come across some thoughts in my journal from a time of great transition in my life a few years ago. I had been drawn to read the book of Joshua. Listen to these familiar words: 

 

6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

7“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:6-9)

 

The punch line of this passage is repeated three times: “Be strong and (very) courageous.” 

 

The Lord first urges Joshua to find strength and courage in hope. “You will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.” In what will almost certainly be difficult days ahead, including economic hardships, will God be with us? Will God provide for us? Will God care for us? 

 

We know the answer to that question, and there we can find hope. We can be strong and courageous. 

 

Next, the Lord encourages us to discover strength and courage on the path of obedience. He wants us to meditate on His guidance and counsel. He wants us to be deeply confident that what God says about reality is the most reliable guidance. 

 

God reminds Joshua that the path of fruitfulness, of prosperity, of true success will be discovered living in the counsel and under the direction of a Good Shepherd. Obedience isn’t arbitrary. It is living in the good, beautiful and true light of kingdom reality. 

 

Finally, God encourages them to find courage and strength in His presence. We find strength because God will be with us wherever we go. No matter what happens, we will not be abandoned. We will face no threat alone. We will not be exposed, but safe in the presence of God. 

 

Perhaps Joshua would have been tempted to say, “But I feel weak and fearful. The threats before us are overwhelming.” I’m tempted that way. But this is actually the point. My felt weakness, insecurity, anxiety or fear is not ultimate reality. God’s presence is more real than my worries about present or anticipated hardship. 

 

I am safest as I keep on learning how to walk and work more closely with God. The presence of God is my soul’s home. When God urges me to obey what He says, it’s not a distant ruler demanding my subservience. It is a loving Father saying something more like, “Live your life in and with me. Don’t wander from me. Don’t turn from me. Walk with me. Stay close. Let’s do this together.” Here we’ll find we can be strong and very courageous in these difficult days. 

 

For Reflection

How are you responding to this season in which we find ourselves? 
How are you anxious or fearful? How are you finding peace and hope? 
What will it look like today and this week to remember God with you, so that you walk with God and work with God moment by moment? Ask for the help of God's Spirit in this. 

No Means Yes

No. It’s such a small word. Why is it so hard to say?

Guilt? Obligation? Pride?

But sometimes saying "No" is actually a "Yes."

Yes to margin.
Yes to boundaries.
Yes to rest.

The COVID-19 pandemic has been one large and invasive “NO!” to all of us. 

No, you may not get together with your friends. 
No, you may not go to your traditional office or place of work. 
No, you may not travel.
No, you may not carry on as usual in your daily life.

You are likely reading this around April 15, but I am writing this a week earlier. We were just told by the surgeon general to stay home unless it is an emergency. That we need to work together to stop the spread of the virus. He used words like “911” and “Pearl Harbor” to be sure we knew that it is important to abide by their suggestions.

So, here I am, on a Monday morning, in my regular chair, typing on my regular computer, while I talk about a dynamic that is highly irregular.

Before I go on, I want to stop and pray for you right now:

God, thank you that you see us. Thank you that your love is unchanging and unmoving. For each person who receives our weekly email I ask this—that your presence would be undeniable; that there might be a ray of hope, even though situations might be difficult; that each one might be able to feel and express their honest emotions; that they might be able to draw from a deeper well of love as they are enclosed with their loved ones; that those who are alone will somehow have a sense of with-ness through online connections. Thank you that you hold us in this season. Amen.

Back to the idea of no leading to yes. Above I talked about margin, boundaries and rest. Those three may still seem like elusive friends to some of us. But I have also been hearing from friends and seeing on my social media feeds that people are enjoying parts of their lives they “didn’t have time for” before.

Here are some examples of what I’ve been seeing:

Family time – dancing, puzzle making, cooking.
Exercise – getting outdoors more by running, walking, biking or hiking.
Cleaning – organizing, purging and donating.
Inner work – prayer, solitude, reading, meditating and worship

People are reaching out to each other more (thank you Marco Polo App). All because we received a big fat “NO!”

The vitriol and contempt that were flooding the news and social media feeds has quieted (at least some). All because we received a big fat “NO!”

We are all more focused on what is truly important—gratitude for those serving us in hospitals, law enforcement and grocery stores. All because we received a big fat “NO!”

The COVID-19 “No!” has become a big fat “YES!” to community, to family, to friendship, to gratitude.

I don’t know about you, but I am praying that this big fat “NO!” continues on in a big fat tendency toward “YES!” to all that is good and focused and central, even after we move beyond all of this. 

It’s actually not too early to think about this. Let’s resolve now not to return to the “regular” in the same ways as before. Let’s let this change do its work in us now so that we will bear the fruit of being better people later.

Soul work and transformation are intentional. So continue to be open to the work that is occurring in you in this time. Meet God in that place. A pandemic is as good a time as any to take stock and re-prioritize how you view yourself, your relationships, your work and your life.

Reflection

Write down some of the no’s that have occurred in your life recently.
What yes’s have shown up in their place?
What has been your most difficult adjustment?
What are you most grateful for during this time of change and isolation?

Let these questions lead you to prayer…simply sharing your heart with God. How does God want to meet you right here and right now? How does COVID-19’s no lead you to God’s yes?

 

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash