Niall Doherty's Blog, page 211

Coliseum

It’s almost 2 a.m. as I leave a bar on Frenchmen, grab my bike and head for home. This counts as an early night in New Orleans. I didn’t get to bed the previous until seven in the morning.

I turn up Esplanade and say hey to Boogie. Pretty sure he doesn’t remember me, but he’s friendly back, as always. I stopped and spoke with him a few weeks ago. He’s a doorman at that place on the corner I don’t know the name of.

No cover, no charge.

I asked Boogie how he managed to remain so upbeat all the time — he seems to revel in his work — and he told me he used to run his own business, made good money, had a nice house and a few cars. But he worked all the time. At a certain point he realized he was on a treadmill, decided to quit.

Now he’s a doorman in the French Quarter. He goes to work, he does his job, he goes home. Seems happier than most.

From Esplanade I turn on to Dauphine and cruise through the Quarter. Quiet streets and flickering lamps gradually give way to dull thumps of dance music and neon lights.

I’ll stay off Bourbon tonight, still exhausted from the ten consecutive nights out I had with friends mid-month. We rolled hard and hit on a lot of ladies. Truth be told, we didn’t have a lot of success for all the effort we put into it. It’s not fear that’s kept me from approaching since. It’s pessimism. Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. I guess I’m looking for a better way.

Across Canal and through the CBD on Magazine. A friend of mine loves this part of town, the mix of buildings and businesses, dive bars and old brick around the corner from plush hotels and clean slab.

I’m taking the long way home, under the big bóthar then a quick jump up Erato to Coliseum. This is my favorite stretch of street in the crescent city. I won’t meet a live motor for a couple miles. I have it all to myself, through cross streets named after muses, generals, saints and ordinals, under thick limbs of live oaks, alongside a crumbling cemetery, past a house where a man grew young.

I’m in no hurry. I slow down when I catch a whiff of flowers, or see the glow of a TV in an upstairs window. I imagine a couple snuggled up in bed at the end of a movie night, empty take-out boxes and a bottle of wine on a hardwood floor.

Loneliness has found me in this town. I didn’t think it would, given that I have history here, people who know me. But they don’t really. And I don’t know them. A lot changes in four years.

I’ve been reading a book about presence. The author reckons we shouldn’t be looking to feel better, but to get better at feeling. Anger, fear, grief. The problem isn’t that we feel these things. The problem is that we try not to, bottle them up rather than let them out.

Cycling down this beautiful street, seeing such a glow in an upstairs window, imagining those imaginings, I try to let the feelings breathe, tell myself it’s okay to be sad. There’s a freedom in it.

Coliseum is closed off past Marengo, so I turn up towards Saint Charles, weaving from curb to curb, like a kid on his new bike.

My days here are numbered, so I’m trying to savor nights like this. I know each goodbye might be my last. Who knows how long these streets will stay dry, or how long before I die…

A few blocks up the avenue and on to Valence. People I care about live nearby. I picture young families asleep in their beds, wrapped up warm and snug in love and blankets. They chose a different path than I did. Sometimes I envy that choice.

I reach Freret and a single car goes by. Must be close to 3 a.m. A couple more blocks and I’ll be home, climb some steps and unlock the door.

I was thinking to watch a movie before bed, but maybe I’ll write instead.

…

P.S.

Usually when I write a piece like this, I get back comments and emails from well-meaning folk, telling me to cheer up and reminding me of all the good things in my life. Which is nice and all, but I think it kind of misses the point.

As I mention in the video, the problem isn’t that we feel bad, it’s that we’re bad at feeling, that we try and suppress negative emotions like anger, fear and grief, rather than let them breathe.

Writing helps me give air to those difficult feelings. And hopefully some of my words resonate with you, the reader, so you don’t feel all wrong and broken when you encounter similar.

Here’s to experiencing the entire spectrum of human emotions. May we all feel sad and lonely sometimes, and love ourselves anyway.

How To Create A Fake Flight Itinerary For Proof Of Onward Travel

Some airlines require you to display proof of onward travel before allowing you to board a flight to certain countries. The proof they usually require is an itinerary for another flight. This is mightily inconvenient if, for example,

You plan to leave the country you’re traveling to via a bus, train or boat you have yet to buy a ticket for.
You’re not yet sure when you will leave the country you’re traveling to.

So what do you do, short of buying a plane ticket you will probably never use and thereby wasting a good chunk of money?

Well, you can always fake it.

Watch the video above for a quick and easy way to create a fake itinerary for proof of onward travel. All you need is a Travelocity account and Google Chrome.

Disclaimer: If you use this method you are effectively lying to an airline and if found out you could be in serious trouble. Try it at your own risk. I accept no responsibility if something goes wrong.

If you find this helpful…

Be sure to jump on my mailing list below. In the coming months I’ll be releasing a comprehensive travel guide packed with all the tips, tricks and advice I and several friends have learned while traveling the world. I’ll have special previews and deals for my email subscribers.

Momentos: March 1st – March 15th, 2015

1.

I’ve stretched and done push-ups and situps for twenty-five consecutive days now. Takes less than ten minutes each time, but it’s keeping me in good shape. On lazy Sundays like today, when I was out late last night and almost feel hungover, it’s so much easier not to do it. But I have that penalty set. One slip will cost me $1k. So, actually, it’s easier to just go ahead and do it.

2.

Back at Toastmasters Club #234, at the big library on the avenue. None of the old faces are here tonight. I feel my hands shake when I stand to introduce myself, and reckon I ramble too much during table topics, but somehow I come away with a ribbon. Which is nice, but mostly I’m left thinking I can be a lot better at this. Someday I will be.

3.

Is it weird when your ex messages you to say she just finished a marathon sex session with some dude? To be clear, she wasn’t saying it to hurt me, but just as a wild/interesting thing to share, because we’re close like that. Or are we? I’d like to be okay with it, and I probably would be if I was getting laid more myself right now. But as things stand, I’d rather not know.

4.

In a coffee shop, thinking of going over and talking to that girl. My lizard brain is trying to convince me otherwise. Looks like she’s studying, I’d be interrupting. It’s too quiet in here, what if someone overhears? That’s probably her boyfriend she’s texting. I reckon many of the other guys in here are thinking similar. Today, I’ll be the one who won’t succumb.

5.

Apartment hunting again, trying to find a place for me and two buddies for an upcoming ten-day rampage. As usual, the hunt is exhausting, taking up far too much of my time. I’m very much looking forward to signing a one-year lease in Amsterdam in June, and basking in the knowledge that I won’t have to do this shit again for a whole twelve months.

A magic tree in Midcity, New Orleans.

6.

I’m a guest speaker at an improv show tomorrow. It will be a bit like a stand-up comedy routine. In preparation, I’ve spent the last three nights writing out stories and rehearsing the telling. I’ve also been approaching more. I ask myself, “What would the most confident man in the world do?” And then I try go and do that. Because it’s all practice.

7.

I’m not sure she’s faking. Might just be a ruse to distract from the fact that $60 has disappeared from my pocket. I ask her straight: “Did you take money from me?” But she’s not hearing a word, too busy wailing about her phone. Apparently it cost $900 and she can’t find it. Now she’s got the tears streaming. Somehow I feel very calm with all this going on, almost amused.

8.

It’s 7 a.m. as I’m cycling home. There’s a sky growing red beyond the Mississippi. I go out of my way to pass by Coliseum and Fourth, as I usually do, stop and take some deep breaths on the streetcar line. It was a long night, but fun as hell. Once again I’m going home alone, but it doesn’t matter. Resistance was fought and defeated. I’m the happiest man in this crescent city.

9.

I studied up on fashion and bought some new clothes last month. In the past few weeks I’ve received more compliments on my style than I ever heard before. I realize now that if people aren’t regularly complimenting your dress sense, that means you’re not dressing very well. Good news is, it’s a very simple thing to fix. Cost me less than $300.

10.

I’m incredibly horny lately. Have a quick fiddle, take a nap, wake up hard yet again. Damn thing is like whack-a-mole. Not that I’m complaining, especially after my struggles the past couple of years. Right now I’m feeling more alpha than ever. And it couldn’t be happening at a better time. Niraj arrives tomorrow. The rampage is about to begin.

Guest speaking at The Megaphone Show in New Orleans. Some video here.

11.

Three years since we last saw each other, my brother of a different color. We hit up Parkway for a surf and turf po’boy, his first meal in New Orleans. As we’re leaving he notices someone striking sitting with friends in the window, steps right up and knocks on the glass. With a confident smile and a gleam in his eye, he mouths the words, “What’s your name?”

12.

We’ve lost most of the awkwardness. Maybe one in every twenty interactions is awkward now. We have enough experience and confidence that we can handle almost any situation. Like that displeased boyfriend yesterday, or the girl who turned out to be way too young on second glance. Even shutouts and blank stares no longer phase us.

13.

Kawehi live at the HoB. This girl is phenomenal. There must be twenty people in the world with no talent because the universe gave her too much. She mashes Tears for Fears, 2Pac and Britney like it’s no big deal. Show over and the spell broken, we spill out into the Quarter with three hours to burn. Three men sober, and we’ll have more fun than most.

14.

And then comes the crash. Partly it’s lack of sleep, but it’s also the same old resistance surfacing again, holding me back. And it kicked my ass today. I can’t even get to sleep now, mind racing, neurons trying to right wrongs. With nothing but green lights, why didn’t I make a move on her this afternoon? I have no answer. Only self-loathing.

15.

I try to keep in mind what I’ve learned before. Right now I’m in the trenches. It’s tempting to just quit, to convince myself I don’t want it that bad anyway, that it’s all stupid and they’re all stupid and I don’t want to play anymore. But then I remember those times past that I stuck with it, leaned into the discomfort rather than backed away. These are growing pains. And growth is good.

St. Patrick’s March in New Orleans. More pics here.

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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Momentos: February 16th – February 28th, 2015

16.

I didn’t drink last night — four years now since I had a tipple — but feeling hungover today. Twas a mad weekend of parades and parties and battling that old familiar foe known as approach anxiety. I spent all today on the couch, struggling through the work, while a few blocks south the parades rolled on. Mardi Gras: once again, you kicked my ass.

17.

Sometimes these Momentos come easy, words roll off the fingertips and I’m done in a matter of minutes. Other days though, I could be sitting here half an hour trying to craft a half-decent paragraph. But I like the daily practice of it, the forced concision. It’s a great little exercise for improving my writing. 721 days consecutive days now.

18.

I was living with 4.5 humans and three dogs. Now I’m living with one human and five cats. The place I just moved from was fantastic. I couldn’t have asked for a better return to New Orleans. My hosts gave me a comfortable place to sleep and a quiet place to work, and stuffed me full of delicious home cooking. Not sure I conveyed my appreciation sufficiently.

19.

Basketball first brought me here. I came over and lived my teenage dream, first with season tickets to my favorite team, then a media credential, sitting courtside, locker room access. Basketball barely factors in my life now, perplexed when I hear others get worked up over this player or that trade or the last play. It’s just a game.

Rebirth Brass Band at The Maple Leaf

20.

I tell her travel has me worn out, and she asks why. Mostly it’s the money, or rather the lack thereof. Traveling on a budget is fine for a while, but ultimately exhausting. You spend a lot of time looking for a cheap meal or a hotel you can afford. They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy time and freedom. And those things make me happy.

21.

Tonight I was invited to join a group of out-of-town chicks at a strip club, had a cute redhead insisting we hang out  tomorrow, and a hot blonde asking me to kiss her. I also  danced with strangers and had a good long chat with an old bass player named Larry. The difference between a magical night like this and a rough one like last Friday? Mostly internal.

22.

There’s this weird thing we do when we’re tired: we don’t really rest. We just kind of laze about, half-assing it. Instead of 100% getting shit done, or 100% recharging, we’re in limbo, failing at both. Today I was on the couch, half-working, half-watching Gladiator, when I realized what was happening. So I took a nap, then went to a coffee shop and knuckled down for an hour.

23.

A friend sent me this article, spent more than an hour reading it late last night. Mind completely blown. And it’s left me with a deep sense of wonder and gratitude. The fate of humanity will very likely be decided in our lifetime. Regardless of whether that fate is good or bad, most of us will be here to witness it. Front row seats to mankind’s last challenge.

Saying hello to the last job I ever had

24.

Rebirth on Oak Street. I meet a dude back of the Maple Leaf who tells me his struggles. He’s a web designer, too, but just getting started. Someone paid him $75 for a website and it took him 25 hours to build the thing. So he made $3 an hour. That’s near incomprehensible to me now, almost can’t relate. I’ve banked $4k already this month.

25.

I dropped by Loyola University today, the last place I was employed. It’s been 1,559 days since I quit, hard to believe. I appreciate the upside of 9-to-5 a lot more now than I did then. Same with flying. Having been through 30+ countries on four continents without a flight, few people appreciate air travel as much as I do.

26.

My handlebars snapped, so I’m at a repair shop. Dude fixing my bike looks as sloppy as his establishment, talks shit about his ex-wife, and believes Obama to be the antichrist. He said he’d have me back on the road in 45 minutes. Two hours later I’m still here, watching him take his sweet ass time, hearing him laugh at his own jokes.

27.

Thinking back on that interaction yesterday. Even though I didn’t like that dude, I failed to display any dissatisfaction. As far as he knew, we got along swimmingly. This is a problem. If I don’t like someone, it should be obvious. Otherwise they’re not getting accurate feedback. If your behavior isn’t well-received, you want to know, right?

28.

Three hours watching improv was fantastic but killed my momentum. Now it’s almost midnight and I’m rolling solo. The easy thing would be to get food and head home. But I’m not going to do that. Tomorrow-me will wish I took action, faced those fears. So I approach, tell a pair I have a secret crush on one of them. “Why not both of us?” Game on.

Improv legends Stupid Time Machine

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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Momentos: February 1st – February 15th, 2015

1.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been away for four years. There’s a concern when you return to a place you love, that it won’t live up to the memories. I guess the trick is to keep your expectations in check, knowing it won’t be the same. It can’t be. People change, places change. Perhaps most of all though, I’ve changed.

2.

That said, walking down through the Quarter this morning, seeing all those old streets and balconies, hearing hints of jazz creeping around corners, you couldn’t keep the smile from my face. This town is simply beautiful, oozing character. Tennessee Williams once wrote that America really has only three cities worth talking about: New York, San Francisco, and this one right here.

3.

Flat out with the work stuff, and no complaints about it, as I could do with bulking up the bank balance. My primary checking account is almost down to nothing, holding off on transfers as I’m trying to save a bit so I can hit the ground running come Amsterdam in June. Today was solid, juggled three projects and earned a good chunk.

4.

Staying with friends here. They’ve got two young kids and three dogs. The kids are adorable, but man are they a lot of work. I really don’t know how they do it, both parents working full-time. They always have to be alert, keeping an eye on the kids, feeding them, cleaning them, moving them around. I’m exhausted just watching it all.

5.

I would like the experience of being a dad at some point, but I have no strong urge for genetic offspring. Adoption would work just fine, give some orphaned kid a good home. I’m in no hurry though. Lots of crazy/selfish things I want to do before I embark on the parenting adventure. I’m almost 33 years old. Get back to me in another five and we’ll see how I’m fixed.

Jackson Square, New Orleans

6.

Been inside all day, troubleshooting pesky web dev problems, fueled by peanut butter and cereal. I spent a good three hours at one point trying to break through a coding conundrum, finally cracked it. That’s a good week of work in the bag, about $1,500 earned. Outside the sky grows dark, brass music in the air, parade floats ready to roll.

7.

This morning I bet a friend $1,000 that I would do something before the day was out. I needed some leverage, to help overcome the resistance. Now the choice is simple: do the thing, or lose $1,000. So you can bet your ass I’m going to do it. That said, it’s already well after dark as I walk down Magazine, all alone, and I’ve yet to make a move.

8.

One of the dogs here is a rescue. His previous owners had him debarked. He’s a big dog and would have had a big bark. He still tries to bark now, but all that comes out is a hoarse whisper and bad breath. I don’t think he realizes that he’s lost that canine essence. I’m not sure he knows anything’s amiss. Easy to pity such a creature, but it’s not just dogs that get debarked.

9.

Starting to dawn on me that it’s not the same. I remember my last night in New Orleans, fifty-one months ago. Friends from several circles came out to watch me perform improv and offer a fond goodbye. I was part of the community here, woven into the fabric of purple, green and gold. Now I’m just a visitor, passing through. A man with wings, envying men with roots.

10.

I’m pretty bad at selling my coaching services. Had a free consultation call today, and I doubt anything more will come of it. I know why though. It’s a lack of preparation, no structure or system in place. I’d be making it up as I go. Which means I’m not super confident that I can deliver results, and that comes across. Glad I know this now. Realization is the first step to improvement.

Things haven’t changed much down on Bourbon Street.

11.

It’s a Wednesday evening in New Orleans, and St. Charles is buzzing. Families atop ladders, a pirate on a bicycle, an old man playing the saxophone. Masked men on horseback, masked women on giant floats. The air filled with beads, purses and flashing rubber balls. Fire truck rolls by and everyone fills the street, busting a few last moves to the lingering beats.

12.

Internet down at the house so it’s a coffee shop work day. Like a cheap-ass I spend six hours in one spot and buy a single cup. Most of this week has been a struggle work-wise, but today it’s all green lights, checking off tasks like a man possessed by some mighty god of productivity.

13.

Reminder to self:

open all.
minimize time between interactions.
never judge yourself.
find something funny in each interaction.
short and sweet early; burn it to the ground late.
lengthen interactions as you build momentum.

14.

I leave Frenchmen at midnight, tired but happy, a man with no regrets, as well as ever having followed those six steps. I cruise a coconut bicycle up Coliseum, arms outstretched on a street deserted, passing the Button house and others like it in a state of bliss. This road, a mile of kingdom, I am king, of curbs and potholes and every blooming thing.

15.

Men once known as Ron Hitley and Toney Blare, roaming streets named after dead heroes and daughters of Zeus. We park up under I-10 and hear a brass band roar, then skip into a fancy house party on the avenue with a balcony up above and a feast down below. Later it’s a dragon’s den, an Irish rose, and the old stomping ground of a handsome pimp.

Mardi Gras in full swing.

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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Momentos: January 16th – January 31st, 2015

16.

It’s almost midnight, gate still chained, don’t fancy waiting out on this shady street for three hours. I swing my big bag over first, nothing breakable in there. Then I let my smaller bag follow, the bigger one acting as a crash pad. Quick look around, coast still clear, so I spring myself up over the fence. If nobody’s home, I’ll have to do all this again in a minute.

17.

Crossing into Honduras, twenty of us gathered around the driver as he calls names and hands back passports before we can reboard. A beggar wanders over. He’s in his fifties, face all weary, clothes all scuffed up. Standing there with his crutches, I wonder how he lost the leg. He watches the driver, eyes hopeful, as if waiting for his name to be called.

18.

If I have a theme this year, it’s focus. My tendency has always been to take on too much, and then get scattered, not giving myself enough time to think. I’m going to try hold back on the workouts, for example, because that’s really just a form of procrastination for me at this stage. The money-making must come first. Once I crack that, everything else gets easier.

19.

Antigua is a little colonial town surrounded by volcanoes, full of cobbled streets and broken steeples. It was Guatemala’s capital until earthquakes wrecked the joint back in the eighteenth century. I step off a minibus, check into my hostel, and go for a wander. My new favorite thing is finding an old, quiet church for a wee spot of meditation.

20.

This guy is on some high level shit, business did half a mil last year. Earlier he showed me his goals and values all written out in great detail. Now he’s quizzing me on my business plans. With a few sharp questions he exposes giant flaws, crucial considerations. Mind blown. The highlight of my time in Central America may prove to be this very conversation.

Lake Atitlán, Guatemala. I snapped this photo right after a man with a machete threatened to throw rocks at my head.

21.

After that chat last night and reading about EV this morning, I sit in a coffee shop in San Marcos and crunch numbers, estimate odds. The figures I end up with don’t look good. My work plan for New Orleans will have to change, Amsterdam too. Time to cut the bullshit and focus relentlessly on the one thing most likely to get me where I want to go.

22.

Just the two of us atop this mountain. I’m convinced it’s a shakedown, so I tell him I’m leaving and make for the trail, fully aware that he ain’t happy and there’s a machete strapped to his hip. But he goes for rocks instead, gathers up a couple and assumes a throwing stance, daring me to take another step. “En serio?” He nods wide-eyed, as if to say, “Go ahead, see what happens.”

23.

Acknowledging others. It’s such a simple thing, but I often fall in with the rabblement and blank my fellow humans. I let myself off the hook in busy surroundings, but no excuse on quiet streets or in half-empty coffee shops. Why are we so hesitant to say hi, offer a nod, maybe even a smile? What is that fear? Rejection? Embarrassment? Strangers?

24.

We’re already a few miles into Mexico by the time I realize, jacket and ear buds left behind on the other bus. Shite. It’s not so much that I mind losing those things — though that jacket was my oldest possession, and I was using the ear buds daily — it’s more the carelessness that bugs me, being absent-minded. I take some breaths and try to forgive.

25.

I’m wearing three layers, and a t-shirt over my head. Just another ice-cold bus trip in Latin America, where the a/c is either on full blast or not at all. I’m poked awake twice during the night by police inspecting the vehicle, wanting to know where I’m from, where I live, and if the little Mexican boy asleep in the next seat belongs to me.

Teotihuacan, just outside Mexico City, and just before I got kicked out by security.

26.

The twelve hour bus to Mexico City ended up taking seventeen hours, and that was just fine with me, stuck into a good book as I was during the long crawl through traffic on the home stretch. I must have got a solid three hours of reading in, then walked the two miles to the hostel, stopping off en route at a busy breakfast place and a quiet church.

27.

Started off in great form today, but ending on a low. I think I’m just lonely again, passing through these towns, not really knowing anybody. Met a girl off Tinder this afternoon and she was cool and everything, but fuck, I don’t know, man. There was the language barrier, and the fact that I’ll be out of here in two days. It all seemed so pointless.

28.

This is interesting. I’ve never been kicked out of a UNESCO World Heritage site before. The security guard escorting me to the exit hardly seems interested in my excuses. Doesn’t help that I’m offering them in broken Spanish. Probably sounds something like this to his hears: “No sign. I not know. Why no sign? My friends not here. I no come in this way.”

29.

I wake up from a dream in which I’m vomiting, and find myself actually vomiting. All over the hostel bedsheets at five in the morning. Not sure what it was that I ate, possibly those street tacos or the hostel breakfast. Montezuma’s revenge. As I try clean up without disturbing the roomies, I realize it might be a very long day ahead. I’m due to board a 20-hour bus this afternoon.

30.

US-Mexican border. The final big hurdle. Once I’m beyond, the rest is easy, downhill all the way home. But you hear horror stories about this crossing, regular people refused entry for no good reason. I step to the window and hand over my papers. Eventually the agent asks that one question, my response to which always raises eyebrows: “How long have you been traveling?”

31.

Two days in San Antonio, not very pleasant thanks to this lingering diarrhea. But balancing it out are these two dudes I’m crashing with. They’ve taken me around to buy meds, do laundry, see some sights. Andrew has even paid for a couple of my meals. Last time I Couchsurfed was almost three years ago in Iran, kindness much the same.

America, fuck yeah!

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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Momentos: January 1st – January 15th, 2015

1.

“It’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

2.

Standing waiting in what’s apparently la zona roja. I’m not exactly sure what time she’ll get here, but not to worry: I brought a book. Part of the reason I like this one so much (the book, not the girl) is the two faces of courage it depicts. One character always fearless, the other always terrified. You wish you were more like the first, but then you wonder if that’s really courage at all.

3.

Prime example right here. It’s 2:55am, pulling the night shift again because the Internet is better then. Except when it isn’t, like tonight. I would have had this project wrapped a week ago but for shitty connections. Tomorrow we hop a rental car to tour the country, but I’ll have this unfinished business hanging over me. Not really traveling, not really working.

4.

We’re staying at the best hotel in town. Which isn’t a big thing when the town itself is a bit of a shithole. Apparently the government has all but abandoned the place, and the murder rate is five times higher than in the capital. Three people spoke to me on the street, all asking for spare change. But hey, the wifi is fantastic. So, you know, it all balances out.

5.

The plan was to watch the sun rise out of the Caribbean, then drive all the way across the country in time to see it sink into the Pacific, stopping off at the nation’s tallest volcano along the way. Well, woeful weather ruined the first two-thirds of that plan, but we finished strong and got to see wild crocs along the way. Not a bad day.

Sunset on Costa Rica’s Pacific coast.

6.

What’s the difference between backing your rental car into a palm tree and worrying about it, and backing your rental car into a palm tree and shrugging it off as no big deal? The difference I’m thinking of is one word. Five letters. Begins with M. (Another difference has nine letters and begins with I, but no telling how that will shake out.)

7.

That goodbye was the culmination of what’s been bothering me the past few days. No hug, no take care, no thanks for doing all the driving. She walked away as if from a stranger. Part of me wants to pretend nothing’s wrong, but a bigger part know we have to talk. Writing this so I’m more likely to do the latter. I don’t want her hearing it here first.

8.

Today I sat and worked for eight straight hours without a break, save some quick trips to the restroom. And you know what? It felt great. Reliable internet, getting into a good flow, trucking through the to-do list. The work I’m doing isn’t ideal, but the act of working fills me up. Even if I had all the money in the world, I’d still long for the grind.

9.

I have a recurring item on my to-do list. It reads, “Remember: someday you will die.” I have to check it off every morning, gives me pause. More so today, as I get off the phone to my grandmother back in Ireland. She just spent a week in hospital, hanging in strong despite a weak heart. She talked a lot about family, how lucky she is to be surrounded by people who care.

10.

Half-assed baggage check at the cross from Costa Rica into Nicaragua. The guy didn’t take a thorough look at any bag on a bus full of them. This is a recurring theme. With the security I’ve seen the last couple months, I could have easily smuggled a backpack full of cocaine all the way up from Colombia. Or an exotic animal. Or a dead hooker.

Motorcycle adventure beneath the shadow of Volcán Maderas on Ometepe Island, Nicaragua.

11.

Still the weirdness, the distance, despite what I said yesterday. So I spoke up again, said I thought it best we part ways. This kind of conversation is always a struggle for me, always over-thinking it ahead of time, tormenting myself with self-doubt, second-guessing. But in the end, I remember that it’s my life, and I get to choose who’s in it.

12.

Riding out of Moyogalpa on a dirt bike I just rented, sun setting to the west, Mercury and Venus beginning to shine through, volcanoes dominating the skies to the south and east, singing songs of freedom. This island is nice, tranquilo, but it gives me pause that the rental price on this bike is 15x the daily wage of most people living in Nicaragua.

13.

Up at four and zooming across the island to a hacienda in the dark. I hire a guide and we hike the volcano into the clouds, hardcore with mud and near-vertical clambering. We’re up and down in five hours, then I take the bike on a lap of the island, along dirt roads, past waving locals, and kids playing with sticks and bicycle tires.

14.

So when they said the bus would take me to Granada, what they meant was the bus would take me some of the way there, and then I’d have to get out and wait on the side of the road for another bus, and this other bus would actually be a van, carrying more people than the regular bus. On the bright side, the entire journey cost less than $3.

15.

I can’t remember the last time I was in a church. This one is gigantic, with four chapels and three naves (whatever a nave is). I sit for a bit and listen to old ladies chanting something about a corazón, then go stare at the candles and think of my grandmother. On the way out three beggars ask for money and a young cat offers el diablito.

Beautiful Granada, Nicaragua.

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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Other People’s Shoes

Let’s start by describing two ways of looking at the world:

Dispositionism: The view that people make decisions by the exercise of free will based on relatively stable dispositions or preferences.

Situationism: The view that it is the totality of our internalized and external situation that determines our choices and beliefs. 1

We tend to alternate between these two views of the world. Mostly, we save dispositionism for our judgements of others:

Look at him yelling at his kid. What a terrible father.
I can’t believe he cheated on his girlfriend. What a sorry excuse for a man.
All he cares about is money. He’s such a selfish asshole.

Meanwhile, we tend to flip to situationism when it comes time to justify our own actions:

I know I shouldn’t have yelled at my kid, but I had a bad headache and he was bouncing off the walls all day. I asked him to quiet down numerous times but he just wasn’t listening.
I’m sorry I cheated on her, but I really felt like we were on the rocks anyway, our sex life had become non-existent, and this other girl came on so strong.
I have to focus on making money right now, even if that means spending less time with friends and family. I just really need some financial abundance in my life instead of feeling like a broke loser all the time.

Which of these world-views is more accurate? Well, here’s some food for thought…

Would you offer help to a stranger in distress?

In 1973 two social psychologists performed an experiment at the Princeton Theological Seminary. Forty students took part in the experiment, which they believed to be a study on religious education and vocations.

The students were first asked to complete a questionnaire about their religion, then sent across campus for an interview. En route, they encountered a man (actually an actor) slumped in a doorway. This man groaned and coughed in apparent distress.

The experimenters took note of how the students reacted to this man. Did they ask if he was okay? Did they stop and offer assistance? Did they alert security? Or did they just ignore him?

Of course, the reactions varied. But here’s the interesting bit: before sending the subjects across campus, the experimenters told them one of three things:

“You’d better hurry up, you’re late for your interview.”
“You’d better hurry up, your interview starts in a few minutes.”
“Well you might as well head on over. Your interview doesn’t start for a while, but we’re done here.”

Overall, forty percent of the participants offered some help to the victim. But check the breakdown:

10% of the first group (those in the high-hurry condition) offered help.
45% of the second group (those in the medium-hurry condition) offered help.
63% of the third group (those in the low-hurry condition) offered help. 2 3

Would you deliver potentially fatal electric shocks to a stranger?

A Yale psychologist by the name of Stanley Milgram carried out some (in)famous experiments in the 1960’s. Milgram was interested to see if ordinary people could be influenced into committing atrocities, like so many Germans apparently had during World War II.

So Milgram recruited dozens of ordinary men to participate in his “learning” experiments. He would match each participant up with an actor. The participant would assume the rule of teacher and sit at a control panel in one room, while the actor would take on the role of student and be seated in an electric chair in another room.

A second actor dressed in a lab coat would then instruct the teacher to quiz the student and deliver electric shocks via the control panel for every incorrect answer. The severity of the shocks would increase the more answers the student got wrong. The switches on the teacher’s control panel were labeled like so:

– slight shock

– moderate shock

– danger: severe shock

– XXX

Of course, there were no real shocks delivered, but the student/actor would increasingly scream and beg for mercy as the experiment progressed. At a certain point he would bang on the wall and demand to be released. On hearing the sounds of distress coming from the other room, the teacher would often hesitate and ask the actor in the lab coat whether to should continue applying the shocks. They were always told to proceed, even when the noises suddenly and ominously ceased.

When all was said and done, 65% of the participants followed their instructions and proceeded to apply the maximum shocks to the student in the other room. 4 5 6

Would you shoot and kill civilians with a sniper rifle?

On August 1st, 1966, a former US Marine named Charles Whitman murdered his mother and wife before embarking on a shopping spree for guns and ammunition. At around noon he climbed to the observation deck of the main tower of the University of Texas at Austin and began firing on civilians.

It was almost two hours before police managed to reach Whitman and kill him. He’d shot and killed sixteen people from the tower, and wounded thirty-two others.

Whitman left a suicide note. In it he complained of having “many unusual and irrational thoughts” and severe headaches in the days and weeks leading up to the murders. Knowing what he was about to do and that he would soon be dead, he asked in his note that an autopsy be performed on his body to determine if there was something wrong with his brain.

The autopsy revealed a tumor the size of a pecan near Whitman’s amygdala. Neurologists have since speculated that this was the cause of Whitman’s headaches, irrational thoughts, and murderous impulses. 7 8 9

Would a simple gift influence your generosity?

In 1971 a professor at Cornell University by the name of Dennis Regan performed an experiment on reciprocity. Under cover of rating paintings for a study on art appreciation, subjects were paired up with an actor (let’s call him Morpheus).

The experiment was repeated with 81 subjects, divided into three groups. During a rest period, Morpheus left the room for two minutes. With Group A, he returned with two bottles of Coca-Cola and offered one to the subject. With Group B, he returned empty-handed. And with Group C, the experimenter entered the room during the rest period and offered the subject a Coca-Cola.

Later on, after all the paintings had been rated and the experimenter was absent, Morpheus asked the subject to do him a favor. Morpheus was selling raffle tickets, see, and the more he sold, the better chance he had of winning a prize.

How many tickets did the subject buy?

It depended on what group he was in. When the results were analyzed, it was revealed that subjects in Group A (i.e. those that had been gifted a Coca-Cola by Morpheus) bought twice as many tickets as subjects in either of the control groups. 10 11 12

Do you really have a choice?

More recently, a team of researchers in Germany, Singapore and Switzerland performed a series of experiments on decision-making. They hooked their subjects up to an fMRI machine so they could monitor their brain activity, then asked them to choose between a series of letters in the alphabet.

When all was said and done, the researchers found that they could predict with high accuracy what letters the subjects would choose, up to several seconds before a given subject was even conscious of his choice, just by deciphering the fMRI readings. 13

Here’s how Sam Harris interprets the findings of this and similar studies in his book, Free Will:

One fact now seems indisputable: Some moments before you are aware of what you will do next— a time in which you subjectively appear to have complete freedom to behave however you please— your brain has already determined what you will do. You then become conscious of this “decision” and believe that you are in the process of making it.

Are you aware of all factors influencing your decisions?

Imagine you’re at a grocery store, shopping around for a nice bottle in the wine section. You come across a shelf displaying four French and German wines of similar price and dryness.

Which do you choose?

More importantly, what do you think might influence your choice?

British researchers conducted an experiment with just such a display of wines. On alternate days they had French and German music playing in the grocery store. When French music was playing, they found that the French wines far outsold the German wines, and vice versa.

After the shoppers had selected their wines, the researchers had them fill out a questionnaire. About one in every seven shoppers reported back that their choice of wine had been influenced by the music.

Which is interesting, since the measured effect of the music was clearly much stronger than that. 14 15

So what?

Decades of research in social science would seem to suggest that the situationist world view is a fallacy. The idea that you would behave differently than another person if you were in their shoes (i.e. if you had their exact biology and life history) is known as the fundamental attribution error. 16

“Our proclivity is to underestimate the role of situational influences, and to overestimate the influence of the individual dispositions in explaining people’s behavior.” 17

When you keep this in mind, you can’t help but become more empathetic, more curious.

For example, recently I spent a few days with an old friend and found her very distant. It was as if she didn’t care to be around me at all. When we separated after five days of traveling through Costa Rica, she walked away from me like I was a stranger. No hug, no take care, no sign of affection or appreciation for our time together.

As you can imagine, I was pretty put out by this. And so it was very easy to label my friend with words like selfish, weird, cold, and heartless. I was making the fundamental attribution error, assuming it was something about her disposition or personality that was at fault.

Then I realized my mistake, and I began to take the situationist view of her behavior. That led to questions like:

I wonder if I did something to upset her?
I wonder was there something else going on that I wasn’t aware of, something that was preoccupying her and making her appear distant?

When I saw my friend again, a few days later, I asked her these very questions. So instead of being accusatory, I was curious. I had shifted from wanting to condemn her behavior, to wanting to understand it.

And how did she respond? She apologized and explained that she’d been feeling down and distracted because a job she really wanted had fallen through. I hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d just been trying to deal with some bad news.

Of course, that’s a pretty simple example. It wasn’t too difficult in that case to step back and try empathize, to appreciate that there was probably more to my friend’s behavior than was obvious to me. And, as it turned out, the explanation was fairly straight-forward.

It’s not always like that of course.

Sometimes it’s a real struggle to understand people’s behavior. We don’t always have the luxury of asking them to explain themselves. (And they aren’t always willing to offer an explanation!) We can’t usually analyze their brain activity. We will never know their entire life history and how past influences affect their behavior. We’re not always aware of the frame they’re operating from, or how they may have been primed by their environment.

Most of the time it’s a challenge to understand our own behavior, let alone anyone else’s. Remember that wine experiment in the grocery store? The vast majority of people didn’t even realize that the background music was influencing their behavior, but clearly it was.

Makes you wonder what hidden factors might be influencing your own behavior. And from there you might well move on to the idea that maybe we don’t have as much control over our actions as we like to believe.

Which makes condemning others for their behavior a bit silly, don’t you think?

Everything I Earned And Spent In 2014

2014 was my fourth full year being a self-employed vagabond, traveling around the world without flying while working from my laptop. I managed to visit ten countries during the year, starting in South Korea and ending up in Costa Rica.

If you’re a regular visitor here you’ll know that I’ve been tracking all my income and expenditure since I quit my day job at the end of 2010, and sharing detailed monthly finance reports with my email subscribers. Below I’ll share with you a summary of all my income and expenses from 2014.

2014 Expenses



Business Expenses
€ 5,473
$ 7,374


Travel
€ 5,146
$ 6,645


Housing and Utilities
€ 3,726
$ 4,913


Food and Drink
€ 3,476
$ 4,588


Miscellaneous
€ 1,895
$ 2,515


Books
€ 204
$ 266


Gifts and Donations
€ 162
$ 219


Clothing
€ 100
$ 135




Total Expenses
€ 20,286
$ 26,655

Total Expenses in 2013: €44,523 / $59,157 (view my 2013 financial summary here).

Yes, I cut my spending in half compared to the previous year. I’d like to say that was due to frugality, but as you’ll see below, I didn’t have much choice.

2014 Income



Freelance web design
€ 13,801
$ 17,919


Gifts and Donations
€ 1,998
$ 2,681


Book sales (via Amazon and ndoherty.com)
€ 1,672
$ 2,260


Coaching
€ 1,552
$ 2,091


Insurance payout
€ 352
$ 482


Affiliate Income
€ 273
$ 363


Book royalties
€ 255
$ 338


Refunds (rental deposits, damaged goods, etc.)
€ 174
$ 230


Amazon Ach/Cred
€ 96
$ 118


A Course In Courage
€ 53
$ 71


Credit card cash rewards
€ 38
$ 52


Sigma 6 project
€ 32
$ 43


Subletting
€ 14
$ 18




Total Income
€ 20,057
$ 26,328

Total Income in 2013: €39,408 / $52,228 (view my 2013 financial summary here).

As you can see, my income was also cut in half, thanks in large part to giving up a lucrative passive income stream at the end of 2013.

Other numbers of interest



Total cash and bank balances on January 1, 2014
€ 4,036
$ 5,547


Total cash and bank balances on December 31, 2014
€ 4,140
$ 5,009


Difference between those two numbers
+ € 104
- $ 538


Money spent per day in 2014
€ 55.58
$ 73.03


Money earned per day in 2014
€ 54.95
$ 72.15


Lowest income month (March)
€ 140
$ 193


Highest income month (April)
€ 3,045
$ 4,223


Most expensive month (May)
€ 2,663
$ 3,630


Least expensive month (October)
€ 1,147
$ 1,437



Lessons learned

2014 humbled me greatly. You might remember about eighteen months back I was confidently predicting that I’d have $100k in the bank before 2015 came around.

Well, that time has come and I’m about $95k short.

Silly me.

My biggest takeaway from my money struggles the past twelve months is that it’s very difficult to build a profitable and sustainable business while traveling the world at the same time.

I know, it sounds obvious, but it took me a while to accept it.

As such, 2015 will be a big year of transition for me. I’ll be finishing up my RTW trip in May, and I then plan to settle down in one place (probably Amsterdam) for at least a year to focus on business. I’m looking forward to getting into a solid work routine and a reliable internet connection, two things which are often sorely lacking while living a life nomadic.

Biggest regret?

Out of all my expenses last year, the one I most regret is the $3,600 I spent on The Foundation, an online course that teaches you how to build a SaaS business.

Right about here is where I suspect many of you will be shouting, “I TOLD YOU SO!”

But it’s not that The Foundation sucks. The course itself isn’t the problem. I’m actually quite impressed with the materials and the community.

The problem is that I underestimated how much time and effort I needed to invest to have a good shot at building a successful SaaS business. They say you can do it with just an hour a day of consistent effort, but even that proved very difficult for me. I’d knuckle down for a month and build some good momentum, then hit the road and let all the balls drop.

Thankfully, I have indefinite access to the materials in The Foundation, so I can’t say that my $3,600 investment won’t yield a great return down the line, once I make building a SaaS a long-term priority.

But as of right now, that $3,600 would be a lot more useful to me if it was still sitting in my bank account.

Life is good

To end on a lighter note, I want to emphasize that while it was a tough year for me financially, I did get to travel a lot and have many rewarding experiences. Among many other adventures, I crossed the Pacific Ocean on a cargo ship, wrote a book, visited Machu Picchu, lived in Brazil during the World Cup, trekked and swam in the Amazon, met a bunch of cool people, read a lot of good books, and continued to learn more and more about this crazy little thing called life.

Rich or poor, here’s to many more adventures in 2015

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Momentos: December 16th – December 31st, 2014

16.

I’m trying to work on my Spanish a bit on the boat, chatting with the Venezuelans. At breakfast this morning they were telling me about black magic back home. From what I could gather, it’s increasingly popular. You wear white for a year and hope for a spirit to choose you. Later we talked about Sinead O’Connor and navigation of the celestial variety.

17.

The San Blas Islands are straight out of a postcard, the type of scene most people would describe as paradise. We drop anchor off a patch of sand and palms no bigger than a football field and snorkel the afternoon away. Come nightfall we feast on soup and lobster under a star-filled sky, catching glimpses of strange sea creatures by flashlight.

18.

More of the same today, but it doesn’t get old. This morning I floated in a trance as a tiger ray circled, like I was hypnotized by a gigantic underwater butterfly. Later we moved to another island and I snorkeled for a good two hours more, can’t get enough of that alien world beneath the waves, full of life my eyes had never seen before.

19.

I saw a shipwreck this afternoon, couldn’t quite reach it on a dive. Thinking about that now in the dark. We’re on the last stretch to Portobelo, couldn’t sleep with the rough seas so here I am up on deck. Nobody speaks. We just sit, feeling the wind, watching the stars, occasional shadows towards the shore.

20.

Stuck at Jack’s in Portobelo. The captain himself is an interesting cat. Open heart surgery twelve years ago shook him out of a VP position and onto a sailboat, four years solo “until I crossed my wake. It doesn’t count unless you cross your wake.” On an old American school bus some hours later, headed south to the big city, I’ll wish I’d asked him how it felt at the end.

San Blas Islands, Panama

21.

Here it is again. New town, starting from scratch. Where do I stay? Where has good wifi? Where’s the laundrette? Where’s a good place to eat? How do I get to the bus station? I stayed in a shithole last night and have been battling slow wifi all day. It’s exhausting. And I’m tired already. That deep, can’t-keep-doing-this kinda tired.

22.

Suffering now from all that snorkeling, sunburn has me scratching. Every time I say to myself, “I wont be out in it for long, no need for sunscreen”, I’m proved a fool. It’s getting ridiculous here in this hotel room, skin aflame. So I make myself lie motionless for ten minutes, arms to my side, breathing through the fire on my back.

23.

A metro, two buses, a taxi and a boat to get from Panama City to Bocas del Toro. The second bus is tiny, but they pack about forty of us in the thing, old ladies standing up cramped in the middle. We spend a little more than four hours on there, through winding country roads, the engine groaning when we crawl up anything resembling a hill.

24.

All night work session. The Internet is much better here when it’s dark, so I drag myself out of bed at 2am and put a solid five hours in. Gotta do what you gotta do. Later I grab a quick nap and tell people about the ginger scouser. “He won the island in a contest. Oh, and he’s the only person ever to visit every country in the world without flying.”

25.

Power and Internet in short supply on Jinja Island, but we have a fine Christmas nonetheless, sitting around most of the day, feasting and chatting. I’m glad I’m here, with friends. This is my fourth consecutive away from home. Budapest, Chiang Mai, Qingdao, now Bocas. Next year: Slieverue, County Kilkenny.

Christmas on Jinja Island. More about Graham here.

26.

Sometimes a memory hits you and your behavior suddenly makes sense. I’ve long noticed that I have an aversion to letting attractive women know I’m attracted to them. More like a fear actually. I have to make a conscious push to overcome it. Why is that there? Flashback to age seventeen: red face when my buddy announces to the group that I fancy one of the girls.

27.

I wonder if we go through phases of introversion and extroversion. Lately I’ve been feeling more of the former, craving my quiet time, happy to pass up opportunities to be social. (I say lately, but it’s been most of this year.) And routine, I’ve been craving that, too. Interesting how these were the very things I was eager to move away from four years ago.

28.

It’s almost 5am in Bocas, trying to figure out my next move. The Internet has been shit all night, barely got any work done, and this room is costing me $75 a pop (peak season). I’d like to make a break for Costa Rica at sun up, but it’s too late to book the shuttle. Might just turn up there at 8am and see what happens.

29.

Sitting chatting with a 72-year old Colombian dude at the hostel in San Jose. He plays guitar, likes to dance, and thanks God for everything. My Spanish really should be better by now. I’ve been slacking on the practice, unable to drum up the mental energy to get out and speak regularly. That’s the only way to take the next step with this.

30.

“…the issue I’ve been dealing with lately is that I’m succeeding at a lifestyle I no longer enjoy very much (i.e. the digital nomad lifestyle). Pretty much what I went through five years ago when I found myself succeeding at the 9-to-5, basketball superfan lifestyle (my teenage dream) but not really enjoying that anymore either.”

31.

On tonight of all nights, San Jose is like a ghost town, as if they don’t celebrate the new year. I sit and chat at a bar with a young German lady, resisting the temptation to tell her what to think when she confides in me her doubts about religion. I’m back to the hostel and happily asleep before midnight, the first time I can remember missing the changeover.

Crossing into Costa Rica from Panama entails traversing this rickety old railway bridge.

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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