Mandi Bean's Blog, page 12

On maturing.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl has been doing really well and we couldn’t be happier! She’s receiving MNRI OT twice a week and she had a GREAT visit with the chiropractor. He was extra impressed with her tone. She is adapting well to the Passy-Muir valve and was able to spend time outside in the beautiful Florida sunshine. She’s working hard in therapy, as usual, and she’s making all of us so proud.

We’re going to end our current GoFundMe campaign in about two weeks and launch a new one that specifically outlines Maddie’s care costs on a daily, weekly, monthly, and special basis. It’ll also show more of her progress and explain how the therapies are working. We’re planning the new launch to coincide with my sister’s birthday and I’m excited to be involved.

Ireland

I really love it in Ireland. On Friday night, I went out for a few pints with my classmate Ruth. It’s amazing just to walk around the city and talk about writing and our plans. There’s something magical about this city and this country.

And the photos came back from my “photoshoot” on campus. I happened to post to my Instagram story about my favorite spot on campus and that led to a student reaching out and asking me to be part of her project that dealt with that very theme.

My favorite spot on campus is this stone seat that overlooks a sloping hill and a short bridge that leads to the gorgeous river walk along the Shannon River. The inscription reads, “Pause here gentle scholar and think your good thoughts.” I like nearly all of these. That’s saying something, because I haven’t liked a picture of myself in a year or two.

These photos come courtesy of @pilrosted on Instagram. Her amazing website is here. And in addition to being a talented photographer, she was gracious and kind and intelligent! It was such a pleasure to meet her and be part of her project.

Writing

Kit de Waal gave an amazing lecture today all about editing. I joked with her that I don’t remember writing being so hard. I confided to Sarah Moore Fitzgerald during workshop that I think getting published was the worst thing that happened to me. I felt like writing Her Beautiful Monster came effortlessly. I struggled finishing Moody Blue, but I think that was due more to personal reasons that anything regarding craft.

But Kit explained that I’m already a better writer than I was when writing my first book because I’m making intentional authorial decisions now. I’m concerned with elements of craft that I never even considered before. It only seems harder because I’m pushing myself to be better.

And because NaNoWriMo just recently started, I’m making it a top priority for me to finish writing my current project. I need to get it all down on paper (well, technically on Scrivener. I just started using it and I’m still trying to navigate the software) and then I can number and purpose consequent drafts to make sure my writing isn’t flat on the page or generic.

I’m excited about all that I’m learning.

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On being a Yankee Doodle.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl finished her intensive MNRI therapy with her specialist and did well! She’s reacting to the therapy in new ways and that means different reflexes are coming back to life. Her specialist said her coloring looks better and these are all incredible signs of healing taking place. Maddie Girl was also able to get her passport; that’s very important for future treatments. She also started occupational therapy and it went very well. The occupational therapist wants to focus on swallowing and vision. Plus, the Passy-Muir valve came and Maddie did fabulous with her first trial! The steps may be small but they’re in the right direction.

Ireland

I could just stand in Limerick City and stare at it all day. Some Christmas decorations have gone up, and Brown Thomas has its displays lit up at night in glorious splendor. Alas, I did not get any pictures of the evening majesty of the city, but please enjoy the bonus shot of the Shannon.

I went to Doolin last weekend with my friend Ruth to check out a possible accommodation when we–and many others from our program–attend the Doolin Writer’s Festival at the end of January. I think the location of the hostel is perfect. Doolin, like so many other parts of Ireland, is just gorgeous.

We also went to McDermott’s Pub and I got to experience my first traditional Irish music session; it was wonderful! There was a mandolin, a couple of guitars, and a flute. Random patrons would sit in and sing a song and occasionally, the rest of the bar would join in. Everyone was smiling and happy. I got called “Yankee Doodle” because try as I might to blend in, my accent betrays me every time. I was impressed, though, by one lad who asked me if I rooted for the New York Giants or the New York Jets.

Writing

I sent my second draft for workshop and a classmate messaged me to tell me she was impressed by my edits and that I totally “transformed” the chapter. Honestly, I’m feeling more confident and capable as a writer and it’s all due to this program, the amazing lecturers, and my supportive classmates.

I had my one-on-one meeting with Rob Doyle to jumpstart my progress for a module for next semester. He told me he liked the energy of the first paragraph, and my breath caught in my throat because I assumed he was going to tell me that energy disappeared soon after. But he told me he didn’t have much to say about the piece because he could tell I wasn’t a new writer and that all I really had to do was keep writing.

I was OVER THE MOON. I feel so great. I’m working through another round of edits for Moody Blue and I’m trying to apply what I’ve learned without doing a full rewriter. I think Moody Blue is going to be so much better because of lessons I’ve internalized about compression, clarity, and musicality. I suppose when you’re surrounded by phenomenal literary talent, you can’t help but absorb a little bit of it.

Home for the Holidays

Even though I am absolutely loving my time in Ireland, I am excited to come home from Christmas. I’ll be splitting my time between New Jersey and Florida from December 7th to January 18th. I plan on spending quality time with all the people that I love.

And having coffee, bagels, and pizza. And hot wings. And driving on the right side of the road.

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On the Ring of Kerry.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl had a solid week! She’s back on schedule with her home therapies, her eye movement continues to improve, and her MNRI specialist–Kristy Stamper–is coming back this week! I will never be able to fully express my gratitude towards Maddie’s care team. They’ve given us real hope and we’ve seen the fruits of their efforts firsthand. If nothing else, even if Maddie never gets any better, I can take solace in the fact that her journey will help other families realize there are options and that they never have to stop fighting for their children.

Ireland

My Irish adventures landed me on a tour of the Ring of Kerry last Saturday!

This is the map I found in Waterville of the Ring of Kerry.

It took hours just to get to the start of the Ring of Kerry, so there was a quick stop to use the bathroom and purchase snacks. Then we made it to Killorglin and saw the King Puck statue.

This is not my photo. Mine was taken through a bus window and was awful.

We couldn’t get off the bus to see the statue, but we were able to hobble off for some magnificent scenery and a man with a small, one-eyed dog riding a donkey. It’s an Irish thing, I guess.

Beautiful scenery and the aforementioned man with the donkey and one-eyed dog.

The pictures, unfortunately, really don’t do the majesty of the landscapes justice. It was breathtaking.

This was somewhere between Killorglin and Waterville. I love the last picture because it’s almost impossible to tell the difference between the sea, the sky, and the mountains.

Our next stop was Waterville, and if I ever make it big as an author and make some of that Stephen King money, I’m buying a home there.

Charlie Chaplin also used to vacation in Waterville and they hold an annual film festival in August. The views were stunning and the town was quaint and perfect. The last photo is where we took refuge when the deluge started.

The wild weather started in Waterville and continued to Com An Chiste. The tour guide told us on a clear day, we’d be able to see where they filmed one of the Star Wars movies, but when you check out the video, you’ll see why that wasn’t a possibility for us.

We traveled through Sneem and ended the day at Ladies View. I wish I had a better camera.

Ireland is wild, ethereal, mystical, and just plain gorgeous.

Writing

I’m proud of my second draft for workshop. It needs some polishing, but it’ll be good to go by the time I have to send it to everyone. I have another one-on-one meeting with Rob Doyle and this time I sent him work. I’m nervous but I think his feedback will be valuable.

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On autofiction.

Miracle Maddie

It’s been a good week for Maddie Girl. She did well at her chiropractor appointment and handled the disruption of moving like a champ. Missy and the family moved to a larger home in the same neighborhood. I’m so excited to visit for Christmas, especially since learning I have loads of time off. I think I’m done with classes around November 26th, and my program doesn’t have exams, so I could realistically be in New Jersey by early December and travel to Florida shortly thereafter. I can’t wait to see Maddie and hold her and tell her how much I love her. I want to tell her how proud I am of how hard she’s fighting and I want to confess that I talk about her all the time because I think about her constantly.

Ireland

I really do love it here in Limerick. I didn’t do much exploring this past week, but this upcoming weekend, I’m taking a tour of the Ring of Kerry. My housemate Alison is from the area and assures me that it’s beautiful. I’m looking forward to it, especially since I missed the trip to Dingle Peninsula which Guillaume raved about.

WritingAutofiction

This week, I attended the first of three autobiographical writing seminars by the author Rob Doyle. I wasn’t too invested at first because I do very little autobiographical writing, or at least I thought I did. Rob pointed out how social media has made nearly everyone more prone to autobiographical writing. Think about the captions on Instagram posts, or even some of the posts themselves, which are intimate confessions of loneliness or heartbreak against the backdrop of a rainy window or some equally aesthetically pleasing background. Hell, this blog is autobiographical writing. So is my journal. Once Rob explained that autobiographical writing includes memoir and confessional writing and personal essays, and more, I started to become more interested.

We read an excerpt from Edouard Levé’s Autoportrait. The book is essentially one long paragraph where the author makes typically short, declarative statements about his likes and dislikes, about what he has done and what he would like to do, and his ideas and feelings. On Amazon, one reviewer brilliantly describes it as “This is a self-portrait written as a series of self-observations, each a pixel, some apparently slight details, some more clearly significant. It builds and builds in its effect until you feel the character coming to life in your hands.” And that was the task Rob set before us: to mimic the style of Levé and write our own autoportraits. It was quite the experience.

We also talked about autofiction, which I am becoming more and more interested in. Autofiction is the blending of autobiographical writing and fiction. To further explain this concept and make it more accessible, Rob pointed us in the direction of Mark Fisher. He also encouraged us to think of something we’d read that critiqued or discussed some form of art through a narrative sort of stance. I immediately thought of one of my favorite articles about Joy Division. Rob encouraged us to try writing about a piece of art–any kind of art: high brow, low brow, pop culture–in a narrative way because the piece of art had to have affected us deeply.

I tried writing about My Chemical Romance and I think there’s something there, but it needs more structure. There needs to be a bit more planning, but then I think I could have a pretty good personal essay.

Working as a Writer

I also am working on the fourth round of edits for Moody Blue, scheduled to be released this coming summer.

I also need to work on my piece for workshop. I have about a week before I need to resubmit.

I’m living my best writing life, for sure.

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On validation.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl had an impressive week! At her chiropractor appointment, she was tracking light and that is a HUGE step forward in her recovery! My mom and dad are visiting in Florida now, and when I FaceTimed, Maddie actually moved her eyes to the phone and gave me an auditory blink. I knew that she could see and hear me, and it was just the greatest feeling in the world. Next week will be a busy week for Maddie, too.

Ireland

This weekend, I ventured to the Milk Market in the city with my new friend Isabel and her house mates. It was a great time! The conversation was easy and engaging, the food was delicious, and I convinced myself that I’d be perfectly happy just walking around Ireland for the rest of my life. It’s beautiful, but there’s also a musicality to everything. The country is resplendent with vitality; there’s a pulse to it. I love it here.

I’m even considering working part time at a bookshop in the city. How perfect is that? It might not work out because I don’t have my meeting with Immigration Services about my visa until the end of the month, but one can dream. And one can hope. Hell, that’s what got me here in the first place.

Writing

I had my first workshop of the Creative Writing Master’s program. I agonized over what to submit and finally decided on an excerpt from the beginning of my work in progress, tentatively titled Lightning Strikes. I sent it to Mom and made her read it and tweaked it just a bit more before I had to submit it. I wasn’t sure how it’d be received.

My lead reader, Conor, was such an awesome gentleman. He sent me his notes ahead of time so I wouldn’t be blindsided and they were so positive! He really liked Aurora and I found that interesting because I’d spent so little time crafting her. Honestly, Aurora is not that far removed from me. I remember one of my favorite compliments I ever received for Her Beautiful Monster was that the reader could hear the story in my voice. I always want to be authentic and engaging in my writing, and that’s something we’ve been talking about a lot in class: how to keep up the fictive dream.

But what was also amazing was that Conor completely understood what I was trying to do with the story and even anticipated where I was going. The only criticisms offered made complete sense and revolved around lines or decisions I had agonized over and debated about with myself before sending the piece.

AND EVERYONE’S COMMENTS WERE LIKE THAT. I was worried because at first, the leader Sarah Moore Fitzgerald, had singled out my submission to highlight some issues with my description, that maybe there was some unnecessary emphasis, repetition, and over description. I was slightly deflated until everyone shared their positive comments and when it came back to Sarah, she said she could tell I was an accomplished storyteller and that my story had a pulsing heart.

Wow. What more can a girl ask for?

OH! And they ALL complimented me on my realistic sounding dialogue, which Professor O’Connor just lectured about it. Dialogue is a huge deal because it really can make or break the fictive dream the story is meant to create. And I remember when a woman I looked up to and convinced myself was my best friend read my first novel, and her criticism was that my dialogue took her out of it.

She ended up being toxic and apparently, she ended up being wrong. I know being petty gets you nowhere, but that one feels good.

I meet with Sarah tomorrow to discuss my work in more detail and I cannot wait. The plan is to get Lightning Strikes finished before I head back home and then shop it around to agents.

Young Woman Using Laptop Working At Outdoor Cafe. Girl Browsing Internet, Chatting, Blogging

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On the Blarney Stone.

Miracle Maddie

Before I recount my absolutely magical journey to Blarney Castle, I’m elated to say that Maddie Girl had a good week. She’s been sleeping better at night and slept throughout an entire night without needing any medication! The more she relaxes and comes out of that “fight or flight” mode, the more she’ll be able to heal. Maddie also seems to enjoy her new stroller, which is absolutely amazing because Maddie and Mom will be able to leave the house. Most recently, Maddie had her evaluation with a physical therapist and it looks like it will be a good fit! It can be hard to keep the faith and stay positive, but if Maddie’s working hard, so can I.

IrelandBlarney Castle

Last weekend, I traveled to Blarney Castle and the scene was breathtaking. I didn’t think gorgeous places like this existed in real life. It all looked like it was something out of a fairy tale.

The castle naturally looms over the grounds, but the grounds themselves are a worthwhile attraction. I walked through “The Jungle,” but decided to save “The Poison Garden” (which is exactly what it sounds like) for another time. I did venture to “The Rock Close” and snapped one of my favorite pictures ever, which is the one on the right. I also checked out “Badger’s Cave,” which is the start of a system of tunnels that inhabitants used to flee the castle when it was under attack. It’s also rumored to lead to treasure, and I totally believe that because why else would they want people to keep out? And just past “Badger’s Cave” is the start of the Riverwalk and I felt like I was skipping through the pages of my favorite storybook. If love ever finds me, this is where I’d want to be proposed to. It’s so gorgeously romantic.The Blarney Stone

To get to the famous Blarney Stone, you have to climb up through the castle, which is no easy feat. I was surprised by how narrow and steep the staircases were. I was silently thanking God I’d done so much walking and lost some weight since arriving in Ireland because otherwise, I’m not entirely sure I would have made it. Then again, I could have been influenced by the young woman have a full-blown panic attack in front of me. I’m happy to say she recovered and pushed through, but it was definitely borderline claustrophobic in some parts. And we were so high up! But I’d do it again in a second.

I should mention I enjoyed a delicious coffee and a muffin as a reward for climbing to the Blarney Stone. That’s “The Rock Close” from climbing up the castle. I just like this picture. There were rooms you could step into for a break, but everything was narrow and tight and winding for the most part. And for good reason; apparently, those kinds of staircases are easier to defend. I nearly left, like when I tried to convince my mom I had a heart condition and couldn’t ride “Space Mountain” when I was little. But I continued on. We were pretty high up. I didn’t realize how high up we’d be. But I did it! I kissed The Blarney Stone! You have to lay down, grab the poles behind you, and with the assistance of a kind employee, crane your neck at an uncomfortable angle to actually kiss the stone. But now I have the gift of gab, so mission accomplished.Cork City

After visiting Blarney Castle and The Blarney Stone, we got to explore Cork City. It was awesome. I enjoyed a milkshake, got some writing done, and purchased some books. What could be better?

There was live music on every corner; what an awesome day!Writing

I didn’t spend all my time traipsing around Blarney Castle and Cork. I heard back from my publisher that the third round of edits for my novel are underway and it seems like we’re still on track for a Summer 2022 release of Moody Blue! And the excerpt from my work-in-progress is being workshopped tomorrow, so I’ll be sure to let you know how that goes.

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On Frank McCourt.

Miracle Maddie

Before I get to Frank McCourt, let’s talk about the miracle in my life. Maddie had a good week. Dr. Harch, the hyperbaric oxygen treatment specialist from Louisiana, spoke with Maddie’s mom over the phone after seeing a video I made of Maddie’s progress. He saw cognitive improvements on the video and decided to continue Maddie’s current dose in treatment until she’s weaned off Keppra. She’s been tolerating the change to real food and during her most recent chiropractor visit, Maddie was sitting in a chair with assistance, but she was flexed! Her home care plan is moving right along and in honor of my birthday, nearly $400 was raised for Maddie!

Angela’s Ashes Walking Tour

Also in honor of my birthday, I booked a walking tour based on places featured in Frank McCourt’s wonderful novel Angela’s Ashes (don’t worry; my housemates took me out to a proper pub the night before). I arrived at the intersection of Roden Street and O’Connell Avenue at 11:45 AM, as scheduled, and met our tour guide and the only other person taking the tour with me, who was a woman who recently purchased fish and was worried about it going bad in the car. I should have known then and there it was going to be a strange experience.

Frank McCourt’s Childhood Home

“When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I survived at all. It was, of course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.”

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

The first stop was where Frank McCourt’s childhood home stood. The Limerick Lanes have been replaced by more respectable homes, but the military barracks are still there that McCourt mentions.

We moved to Roden Lane on top of a place called Barrack Hill. There are six houses on one side of the lane, one on the opposite side. The houses are called two up, two down, two rooms on top, two on the bottom. Our house is at the end of the lane, the last of the six. Next to our door is a small shed, a lavatory, and next to that a stable.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

The top of Barrack Hill. This is a house they actually used for the film and it resembles what McCourt’s house would have looked like.

Here, the tour guide made it a point to mention that the film wasn’t accurate and neither was McCourt’s book. There is a bit of controversy surrounding certain scenes in the novel, but the tour guide heavily implied that McCourt made it all up and that if we really wanted to know what Limerick was like, we should read a trilogy by some other author.

This wouldn’t have normally bothered me, but I took the tour because I love Frank McCourt’s writing; I’ve read it all. I devoured Angela’s Ashes and ‘Tis, and I’ve made it a habit to read Teacher Man at least once during every school year. This tour guide continued to be dismissive of McCourt, wondering how he even got the money to go to America or become a teacher.

Then I was angry. He took us to a couple of more places, but I didn’t enjoy myself. When I got back, I wrote an email to the head of the company and complained. I didn’t ask for a refund or leave a nasty review, but I wanted him to know that if he’s going to conduct walking tours for people interested in Angela’s Ashes, then the tour guide should at least have an interest.

I received a reply in less than half an hour. He was extremely apologetic and offered me a refund. He also reassured me that he loved Frank McCourt and what he did for Limerick, and that he worked hard to make that tour what it was and seemed genuinely disturbed I’d had a rotten time. I asked him if I could take the tour again with a different guide.

The next day, I met Katelyn at the same spot, and what a difference.

St. Joseph’s Church

The day before First Communion the master leads us to St. Joseph’s Church for First Confession. We march in pairs and if we so much as move a lip on the streets of Limerick he’ll kill us on the spot and send us to hell bloated with sin. That doesn’t stop the bragging about the big sins.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

St. Joseph’s Church is an old, beautiful church and it’s where McCourt made his First Confession and First Communion.W.J. South Pub

He walks away from us and into South’s pub. Mam is sitting by the fireplace with Alphie in her arms. She shakes her head. He went to the pub, didn’t he? He did. I want ye to go back down to that pub and read him our of it. I want ye to stand in the middle of the pub and tell every man your father is drinking the money for the baby.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

The pub is very similar to what it was when Frank McCourt’s dad was a frequent patron. As a matter of fact, the same family still owns the pub. McCourt’s dad would have used the side entrance so as not to offend the classier clientele.Leamy National School

On the way home I see myself in the glass of a shop window all black from the coal, and I feel like a man, a man with a shilling in his pocket, a man who had a lemonade in a pub with two coal men and a lime man. I’m not a child anymore and I could easily leave Leamy’s School forever.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

This is where Frank McCourt went to school. The teachers, or “masters” as they were called, would use the main entrance while the children would use the side entrance. It was operating as a museum, but it’s been closed for a while. I hope they can open it back up.The Dock Road

If you’re too grand to pick coal off the road I’ll put on my coat and go down the Dock Road.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

This is where they would go and pick up the coal as it fell.Post Office

I can tell him I’ll be working in a few weeks delivering telegrams and getting big tips at the post office and ready to pay my own way.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

This is the post office where Frank McCourt worked. It’s been closed for quite some time, but the building’s still standing.Uncle Pat’s House

I tell her I was thinking of staying here a while because of the great distance from Laman Griffin’s house to the post office and as soon as I get on my feet we’ll surely find a decent place and we’ll all move on, my mother and brothers and all.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

After fighting with his mother about her relationship with Laman Griffin, Frank McCourt lived here. The building still stands.

I can’t believe I walked the streets Frank McCourt walked. Angela’s Ashes was the only book my entire family read. We all discussed it and watched the movie and it became part of our story. Hell, I wouldn’t be in Ireland right now if it wasn’t for Angela’s Ashes and Frank McCourt. I think he’d be happy to know this writer was walking along the rainy streets of Limerick beneath gray skies, listening to the gulls cry overhead, thinking of McCourt and the beautiful words he committed to paper.

I don’t know what it means and I don’t care because it’s Shakespeare and it’s like having jewels in my mouth when I say the words.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

He says, you have to study and learn so that you can make up your own mind about history and everything else but you can’t make up an empty mind. Stock your mind, stock your mind. It is your house of treasure and no one in the world can interfere with it. If you won the Irish Sweepstakes and bought a house that needed furniture would you fill it with bits and pieces of rubbish? Your mind is your house and if you fill it with rubbish from the cinemas it will rot in your head. You might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace.

Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes

Standing on the Riverwalk along the Shannon River in Limerick, Ireland

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On day tripping on the Emerald Isle.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been having mostly calm days, which is awesome. She needs her heart rate medication less during the day and that is a sure sign of healing! She’s been restless at night lately, but we think that’s because we’re weaning her off of Keppra (Levetiracetam). Weaning her off this medication should make Maddie more aware and then we can better assess how her recovery is progressing.

Ireland

On Saturday, I went on a day trip to the Cliffs of Moher, Lehinch Beach, The Burren, and Poulnabrone Dolmen. I bought my ticket through Student Life at the University of Limerick and had a wonderful time. Our bus driver was Brendan McCarthy, the only national tour guide and bus driver, as he kept reminding us. He was personable, energetic, knowledgeable, and just full of love for Ireland and his job. He started the day by saying a prayer for all the Americans and anyone else affected by the September 11th terrorist attacks, which was really sweet and thoughtful.

The Great Irish Hunger

The day began on an emotional note. Brendan seemed especially touched and emotional when talking about The Great Irish Hunger. Our first stop was unplanned, but we started at a memorial for Michael Rice of Lahinch. He was a four-year-old orphan struggling during the Great Famine and the memorial is for him and “all those who died in The Great Hunger.” Brendan spoke about how devastating the famine was and how 2 million Irish died, 2 million Irish fled to America, and 2 million Irish remained.

The Great Hunger MemorialThe Cliffs of Moher

Then we were off to the Cliffs of Moher. I don’t know how much I can say: the pictures speak for themselves.

Pictures I took at the Cliffs of Moher.Lehinch Beach

It was supposed to rain, but the sun started shining as we were leaving the Cliffs of Moher and headed to Lehinch Beach.

I didn’t think I’d see a proper beach in Ireland, but I was wrong. It was gorgeous and families ate fish and chips perched on the rocks and followed up with ice cream. I even think I got sunburned.The Burren

I loved The Burren. Again, I don’t know if words will do it justice, so please, enjoy the pictures.

I got as close to the edge as I could without freaking out. Other visitors were much braver than me. Pictures of The BurrenPoulnabrone dolmen

Our last stop of the day was Poulnabrone Dolmen. It dates from the Neolithic period and is a veritable goldmine in trying to understand the culture of ancient Irish inhabitants.

Poulnabrone Dolmen

I was exhausted by the end of the trip, but I learned so much. That was in large part because of Brendan, the amiable and informative tour guide, and through conversations I’d had with Katie and Alison. It inspired me to learn more about Irish history and I’d love to be able to teach a course about Irish history through its beloved authors.

Writing

And I’m so inspired to write! My first week of classes was a major success and today, I had a total epiphany about my work-in-progress! I’m going to try writing in first-person for the first time ever and have that workshopped. It might be a great way to develop and strengthen my voice and find a way into the story.

And Moody Blue has a new editor as my publisher has completely restructured its workforce. I haven’t heard from my editor yet, but I did reach out to her. We’ll see what happens.

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On spreading the love.

Miracle MaddieHer Progress

Maddie Girl’s been doing well and spreading the love in her own way. She’s been continuing with her therapies on her home care plan and most days, she’s been calm. Her chiropractor commented on how alert Maddie was and how good her eyes look. And I’ve been told you can especially see healing in the eyes, and when you couple that with the fact that she’s not really needing her heart rate medications during the day anymore, our Maddie Girl is definitely healing. Miracles really do happen every day.

#teamhalie #haliestribe Halie and Corinee

This was made abundantly clear to me last week when someone spreading the love was generous enough to share it with me. Corinne Anderson is a graduate of the high school where I teach. I don’t think I ever had her, but I definitely had her sister, Halie. As a matter of fact, Halie was a member of my favorite graduating class of all time: 2016 (sorry, not sorry). I remember Halie fondly, as perpetually sweet and kind and always smiling.

Unfortunately, on May 11, 2021, Halie Anderson was in a severe car accident. The majority of the impact was on the front passenger side, where she was sitting. According to Halie’s GoFundMe page: Halie sustained life-threatening injuries, including: head trauma, occipital fractures, facial fractures, chest trauma (fractured sternum, broken clavicle, multiple broken ribs), multiple pelvic fractures, and a broken ankle.

Halie’s accident happened just two months after Maddie’s and there were parallels in their respective treatments. Both Halie and Maddie had tracheotomies and they both had feeding tubes. Halie’s family and Maddie’s family are both using GoFundMe to fund the care, the travel, and other expenses that arise. Despite knowing the family and Halie, there was a comradery built in to the shared trauma of the situations. I kept an eye on Halie’s situation and shared her fundraisers on social media, and Corinne did the same. Often, she’d comment on the #miraclemaddie posts and it was very comforting.

Spreading the love

About a week ago, Corinne messaged me through Facebook and took spreading the love to a whole new level. She told me that her and her family and wanted to make a donation for Maddie. She told me she was hesitant going through GoFundMe because the platform can “take a chunk” of a donation, “and honestly, sometimes the funds are needed for travel expenses or food before GoFundMe releases funds.” Corinne mentioned how Halie and Maddie had been walking similar paths and that “Halie would like to donate to Maddie in addition to her shirt.” Halie; the young woman who was fighting for her life and fighting to make a comeback not only bought a shirt, but wanted to send money directly to Maddie.

I instantly started crying.

I told Corinne I had purchased a shirt from Halie’s fundraiser and that I planned on having my parents send it to Ireland. I told her how much I’d been praying and hoping for Halie.

Corinne said, “I’ll have to tell Halie she is international! and of course, journeys like these are not meant to be taken alone. Maddie is always on our minds, and Halie asks about her all the time! If your family needs anything, please let us know.”

The tears just wouldn’t stop coming. I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and support coming from someone who needed it just as much as I did.

Corinne also went on to say, “We’ll share our Maddie shirts when Halie’s comes in. I wore mine to the rehab the other day and her response to me showing her was ‘Where’s mine’ so hers is on the way!”

I cannot wait to post that picture.

And the best news of all came shortly after: Halie walked through the front doors of the rehabilitation center and went home.

This is proof that good people still exist. That in the darkest of times, there are torch bearers more than willing to help light the way. Corinne, Halie, and the Anderson family are those kind of people.

Halie’s GoFundMe is just $1,600 short of reaching its goal. Let’s keep spreading the love and help these exceptionally wonderful people reach that goal.

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On acknowledging anxieties.

Miracle Maddie

One great source of anxiety has originated from being so far away from Maddie Girl. I was so used to just driving down to Florida whenever I wanted, or whenever I was needed. Not being able to do that now is frustrating. That’s a purely selfish complaint because Maddie’s doing really well. Pooping puts her in a great mood and her home care is progressing nicely.

I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness from all the people who not only purchased #MiracleMaddie shirts, but are also proudly posting pictures of themselves in their Maddie Fashion. I hope to show these pictures to Maddie soon and explain to her how she had so many people loving her and rooting for her, that she was never alone.

Thanks to Diane McCallum, Brandi and Justin Varga, Rachel Kelly, Cheryl Ragas, Jamie Burns, Donna Havern Eckhardt, Michele Thogode Dunn, Pamela and Todd Andrews, Tracey Rose, Paul Ragas, and Shelby Genest for supporting #MiracleMaddie !Ireland University of Limerick campus (Aerial Photo: True Media)

Today is the first gray day I’ve had while in Ireland. The weather has been beautiful so far. I walked into town a couple of times for some essentials and just to explore. I was anxious because I couldn’t find a shuttle stop and once I did find it, the shuttle never came. This resulted in frantic phone calls and rescheduling. I nearly broke down over the situation, but if I remember correctly, Montclair State University shuttles weren’t entirely reliable either. And anyway, I don’t think I was really upset about missing the shuttle.

Anixety in Ireland

I’ve been trying to minimize the magnitude of moving to another country by myself for an extended amount of time. I tell people it’s no big deal, it’s easy because everyone speaks English and I’m on a college campus. At my worst, I feel too old for this whole excursion. Feeling old makes me feel different and that makes me feel alone. I’ve always been impatient, but I worry I’m just waiting for quarantine to end and for classes to start. Once that happens, will I actually see anything? Will I actually do anything?

That kind of thinking breeds anxiety and gets me nowhere. My new goal is to acknowledge that anxiety when it appears, but not to expend too much energy on it. This has been easier said than done so far, but it gets easier each day.

Small victories in Ireland

Another way I’ve been battling back against anxiety is celebrating the small victories. I’ve cooked two dinners in the house even though the symbols and numbers have disappeared from the knobs on the oven and the stovetop. I also did laundry and set up my wireless printer. The coolest small victory happened when I went for a pint with two of my housemates, Katie and Allison. They’re awesome. They’re a decade younger than me, but they’re incredibly knowledgeable and self-sufficient. Most importantly, they’re welcoming and patient and so, so kind. And my French housemate let me have some of his mother’s homemade jam, which was delicious!

The local (and apparently quite accomplished) rugby team practices on the pitches across the way from my building. The other morning, while I was strolling around campus, I got to see some of the practice. I witnessed them literally just smashing into each other and one poor guy was knocked from his feet and fly onto the pad beneath him. It’s cool to have loud, raucous Irish gentlemen I can hear from the balcony.

Today I found out the Student Life center has discounted tour tickets for international students. There’s three scheduled for September: the Cliffs of Moher, the Blarney Stone and Cork, and the Ring of Kerry. All my anxiety was for nothing! The university is making it easy for me to see Ireland. I’ll be able to earn my degree and make the most of living in Ireland.

Writing

I was also dealing with anxiety from not hearing from my publisher for months. The other day, I FINALLY heard back from publisher in a group email with all the other authors with works in development. Apparently, it was a widespread problem and the email said the publisher is working on it, but didn’t give any more information beyond that. I’m still going to email tomorrow and just check in.

I worked on the beginning of my newest work, but my attention span is total garbage. I blame this development on my iPhone and social media. Once upon a time, it was so easy for me to daydream and create, but now, I start scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, or start a game of solitaire. I need to start weaning myself off the iPhone and fixing these bad habits. Classes will help: two of my professors are authors I’ve read and loved! I wrote about them extensively in this post.

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