Mandi Bean's Blog, page 10

On living in a movie.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been having a string of good days. She was in the kitchen with Daddy while he was cooking and her youngest brother wanted to have a sleepover, which makes total sense because she does have the coolest room in the house. She’s been approved to start PT and OT in Melbourne on Mondays and Tuesdays starting May 9th, and her speech therapy evaluation is scheduled for May 18th. I’m going to all of those appointments, and to the MNRI conference in Orlando, with Missy and Maddie. I’m really excited and so glad I’ll be home soon.

Ireland

One of my favorite film adaptations of a novel is “Jane Eyre” (2011). The titular character is saying goodbye to Mr. Rochester, her employer and the object of her desire. She says, “I have lived a full life here. I have not been trampled on, I have not been been petrified. I have not been excluded from every glimpse of what is bright. I have known you, Mr. Rochester, and it strikes me with anguish to be torn from you.” Change “Mr. Rochester” to “Ireland,” and that about sums up how I’m feeling.

The next time I update this blog, I’ll be back in America. I was blessed to have even more of those perfect nights that make it impossible to even think about leaving, let alone about life after this MA. Walking back to my accommodation through a quiet campus, under buzzing streetlights, I am completely happy.

I went to UL’s Drama Society’s production of Henrik Ibsen’s “A Doll House” because one of my classmates was playing the male lead. I joined other classmates and it was a great time. The performance was stellar and the company was superb. I didn’t get home too late, which was good, because the next day was my last workshop.

It was A M A Z I N G. Everyone was affected by my ending and one of my classmates swore Donal got emotional talking about it. He signed my copy of his novel The Thing About December and he’s going to be my dissertation supervisor! Afterwards, we all went to lunch at The Pavilion on campus and it was just absolutely lovely. We kept the fun times going and went for pints at Stables; there was drinking and dancing and I really feel like I’ve been living in a movie because life has been cinematic.

Last workshop! Super sunny lunch at The Pavilion. Pints at Stables!

The other night, I walked along the Shannon with two of my classmates back to campus from town. It was a gorgeous evening and we spent the whole time just talking and it was perfect. This last week has been poetry in motion, truly. It’s like Ireland’s pulling out all the stops to get its hooks in me.

The mural for Dolores O’Riordan in town. King John’s castle in town! Wildlife along the river walk: a horse. I tried to get pictures of the cows but it was no good. Wildlife along the river walk: swans! At South’s pub, which features heavily in Angela’s Ashes, the ladies room is named in honor of Angela, obviously. And the men’s room is named after the author, Frank McCourt. Can’t go to South’s without getting a pint. Amazing. Beautiful. Perfect.Writing

I haven’t heard anything from my publisher, but I figured there’s no harm in waiting to reach out until I’m back in the States, anyway. I’m writing a lot; I have to finish my dissertation rehearsal and a pseudo-creative summative piece for one of my modules. I’m meeting with the other technical editors to finish the literary journal for UL and send the file to the printers. And I’ve been keeping up with the poetry!

21. My fingers have asthma
Because they tremble and gasp
to grasp at you
heaving and shaking
and reaching for you
they can’t breathe without you

22. What about now?
Now seems a good a time as any
to be happy
To wait for perfection
or specific circumstances
will leave you always waiting
and wanting
The time is now

23. Orange lights and other lies
Orange lights are like
amber lights
and radiate caution
but they’re bullshit
like red flags
and green lights
people contain multitudes
and warnings
are as much invitations
as they are anything else

24. Discussing Death
He asked me
to stop being so nice to him
because it reminded him that he was dying
So I told him
he looked like shit
lit a cigarette
and moved to the window
I heard him laugh through his nose
And I bit the insides of my cheeks
to keep from crying

25. Pickin’ peaches
I’ve only ever driven through
Georgia
to get somewhere else
Except for when
I watched my brother become a man
I never stopped to pick peaches

26. A story that isn’t true
He loved me
and only me
and told me so everyday.
He gave me flowers
and we drank wine
in the moonlight.
We were perfect
and happy
for forever after.

27. You left your lighter
in the cupholder of my car
from when you were riding shotgun
and chain smoking
while pontificating
about the intricacies
of human nature
on a long drive home.
I’m going to keep it
even though I don’t smoke.

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On wrapping up.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl successfully completed her three-week therapy intensive! We are SO proud of our little graduate. Now she’s resting and enjoying being home. We’re so thankful for how far she’s come! I made this video of her journey so far; please watch and enjoy.

A video to show Maddie’s progress from the pediatric intensive care unit to her successful completion of intensive therapy.

Ireland

To be honest, I haven’t done much since returning from my Spring Break trip. I was exhausted and caught up on sleep; I slept in much later than I usually do. My body must have needed it. I was able to get it together for my course’s tour of the Special Collections of UL’s Glucksman Library. It was a great tour and I got to walk and talk with Barbara afterwards. I am going to miss the friends I’ve made so much. If I think about saying goodbye for longer than 30 seconds, I start crying. My last workshop is on Friday and some classmates want to go for lunch afterwards. I’m going to be an absolute mess.

Writing

I finished reviewing the galley pages for Moody Blue, which means it’s moving closer to publication! I was talking with Melanie about planning a book launch party once I’m back home.

Please enjoy these poems in honor of National Poetry Month

14. Cold ass cheeks
It was January
in the middle of a polar vortex
and I didn’t give a second though
as I stood next to you
waiting for you
to finish your cigarette
happy just to be beside you

15. Green pennies
Green pennies were stuck
on the ledge of the balcony
of my bedroom
If not for the railing
I would have crashed
to the pavement below
trying to peel them free

16. I know why I’m a middle child
it’s because
I never say no
and
I’m an easy target
and
I love until I can’t breathe
and
even when I’m bleeding
Someone has to

17. A ransom note
If you ever want to see me again
then you’ll have to give me
strong coffee with flavored creamer
good books
powerful music
and some chocolate
Otherwise
I’ll get it myself

18. My favorite ghost story
is the one
where I haunt you
instead of the other way around
I’m sick of seeing you in places
you couldn’t possibly be
and losing my breath
at every silhouette
hoping and praying and fearing
it’s really you

19. Cherry chapstick
I bought him
cherry chapstick
infused with marijuana
ordered special from California
he put it through the washer
and asked me to order more
but I didn’t
carelessness should have consequences

20. Things I unexpectedly enjoyed
walking ten miles on an island
seeing a seal colony with only one seal
standing in the lashing rain, talking shit
having the kitchen be closed
and moving to another restaurant
with the greatest people I’ve ever met

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On Spring Break in the Emerald Isle.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl is still doing so well — what a blessing! During therapy, Maddie did SO GREAT in her stander and was fitted for braces for her legs and wrists. We are making progress! She consistently tracked a baby doll! At the end of the month, she’ll have Speech Therapy evaluation for mouth movement/swallowing and to hopefully learn a communication device (like an eye gaze)! She really is doing SO well! We are seeing so many positive changes, and even though some are small, we are so grateful for how far she’s come! 

Ireland

I took a mini Spring Break trip with California Joe to explore the west coast of Ireland. On Saturday, we spent the day traveling to Sligo, which is W.B. Yeats country. We arrived at The Railway Hostel just before 5 pm. Paddy, the caretaker, was fantastic and gave us some great tips on where to go in town. We dropped our stuff and walked around the absolutely gorgeous town. We tried to get dinner at this fantastic place on the Garavogue River called The Garavogue Bar, but they didn’t do food, so we had to order from this place that only sold Indian food. The waiter was cute and funny, so I convinced California Joe to have a couple of drinks before we had dinner at a FANTASTIC place called Hooked. After, we tried finding some ice cream but it was getting colder by the second so we hightailed it back to the hostel.

The next day, we got up earlier than I thought we would and went to a nice mass for Palm Sunday. We had brunch at Hooked and then got the bus to the walking path to Queen Maeve’s cairn — that was a HIKE! I was proud of myself for making it to the top even though I thought I was going to throw up and busted my ass twice. We saw horses and sheep and breathtaking, once in a lifetime views. We climbed down and took the bus to Rosses Point — MAGNIFICENT — before we got dinner at the place Paddy recommended, which was Coach Lane Restaurant at Donaghy’s Bar.

California Joe and I traveling to Sligo. California Joe enjoying wine by the river in Sligo. This was a “strenuous hike” that kicked my ass. On top of the world. New Jersey was the way I was pointing. I think. Seriously magnificent views. California Joe and I in front of Queen Maeve’s cairn. Sligo IS Yeats’ country. A shipwreck on the way to Rosses Point. The sun came out as we walked along the water; glorious. A heartbreaking statue at Rosses Point. Beautiful. In case I forgot to mention where we were. Epic. Perfect.

On Monday, we got coffee and then toured Sligo Abbey. Then we went to the Knock Shrine. I was so caught up in the wonder and sacredness of the place that I didn’t take too many pictures, but I did get some holy water for Maddie. It was really cool and the museum was very interesting. We traveled to Galway, stopped for pint, and then arrived at The Rainbow Hostel in Doolin, which was essentially perfect. We had dinner at McGann’s.

Doolin is spectacular. If I could live anywhere in Ireland, it might be Doolin. A pint at McGann’s. One of the only pictures I took in Knock. Sligo Abbey. Sligo Abbey.

On Tuesday, California Joe and I walked TEN MILES. It all started when we walked from our hostel to Doolin Pier to catch the ferry to Inishmore. We walked to our glamping site, but it wasn’t quite ready, so we dropped our stuff and walked back to town for lunch and to buy some souvenirs. We walked back to the glamping site and waited about 30 minutes for our site to be ready. We hung out there for about an hour before walking to Dun Aonghasa by way of the seal colony. We walked to the top and then walked back, stopping at a local restaurant for dinner. Then we finally walked back to the site. EVERYTHING was sore but the views were phenomenally breathtaking and it was SO worth it.

We made friends with all kinds of wildlife. Like this lone member of the seal colony. California Joe taking on Dun Aonghasa. There’s NOTHING like this view. It’s so beautiful. ALL KINDS of wildlife. What a trip. My heart is so full.

We got home just a few hours ago. I am exhausted and incredibly happy.

Writing

I have to review the galley pages for my upcoming novel and work on my final submission for workshop, so in honor of procrastination AND national poetry month, here are some more poems.

7. Sippin’ Whiskey
I feel elegant
When I’m sippin’ whiskey
A handsome, troubled man
tried to teach me
the difference
between
whiskey and whisky
the reason for the different spellings
but I got drunk
and forgot

8. Air Conditioners are the worst
when they don’t work
when they’re too loud
when they’re too big
because summer’s supposed to be hot
because they’re expensive
because they can fall out of windows

9. Kissing girls is like
putting your fingers
into
a Chinese finger trap
you can’t get out
unless you know the trick

10. Whisper in the window
the summer breeze slipped in
like a whisper in the window
a secret, shared joke
between breathless lovers

11. Preacher Man said
I shouldn’t be so sad in the confessional
that I should love myself
the way God loves me

12. Drive-thru lightning
his love was like
drive-thru lightning
I had to brave miscommunication
through a tin box of static
and bark my order
to hurry along and collect
my wants
from a window always sliding closed
and in the grease-stained paper bag
was magnificent happiness
as beautiful and deadly and quick
as lightning

13. Emerald Escape
Ireland has been my emerald escape
I have traversed ruins and climbed mountains
Been happily rain-soaked and miserably cold
To practice and master the ancient craft
of storytelling

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On national poetry month.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl is doing GREAT! Her intensive therapy has been going extremely well; she’s been doing better in her stander and she is becoming more aware. We’ve been trying to fatigue her tense muscles so the more relaxed muscles will get the message to be more active. She’s been bending her elbows and knees, and she tracked Pop Pop! She’s becoming more responsive and demonstrating more range of motion. She’s been receptive to therapy, which is SUCH a blessing!

Maddie Girl doing work at therapy!

Ireland

I’ve had a string of perfect days in the Emerald Isle and I’m going to be gutted when it’s time to say goodbye. I’ve gone for pints with the friends I’ve made and spent time in the city and I have been so, so blessed with this amazing opportunity to live and learn in Limerick. If I think about it ending for too long, I start crying. When I went to Mass on Sunday, a priest was returning to his home of Tanzania after eight years of living and learning in Limerick; he earned his doctorate from a nearby college. We sang “Limerick You’re My Lady” and it made me so sad. I know it wasn’t about me, but the parallels were there.

Writing

April is National Poetry Month in the States, so I’ve been writing a poem a day. I’ll share them here.

Gas Station Coffee
no amount of artificial sweetener
can save this
sludge splashing in a cardboard cup
more placebo than stimulant
dark water carried for the idea of it
the aesthetic
could have
should have
stopped somewhere else
but fuel was more than necessaryBroken Birth
so far
there’s only been
six minutes
I’ve been on this Earth
without you
I came first
You came feet first
Breach, breech
Pulled against your will
After me
into existence
extended mixed metaphors
here we areTwenty dollar sundress
In my cart on Amazon
Reside a plethora of
twenty dollar sundresses
I’ve convinced myself
will make me light and airy
and beautiful
edgy when paired with chunky black boots
chipped nail polish and smoldering cigarette
cute when paired with a light cardigan
a plastic headband and a plastic mood ring
costumes I design
to be a cool girl
someone differentDancing With a Dinosaur
I
never ever
thought
I’d dance with a dinosaur
I
never ever
pictured
myself spinning around the floor
with an extinct creature
a formidable figure from the past
with manners and non-toxic masculinity
a romantic relic with calloused hands
in appropriate spaces
ferocious in his kindness
and strong in his sensibilityThe Exodus
The Exodus
refers to the liberation
of a specific group of people
in a specific time and place
so what word can I use
to accurately articulate
how I escaped
from the suffocating oppression
of self-doubt and self-hatred
is there an appropriate synonym?Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…
The man on the altar is speaking familiar words
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…
And I am sweating in my seat
Wishing to be anywhere but where I am
The groom won’t look at me
Even if he did
He wouldn’t see me
He’s looking for someone else

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On perfect days.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl had a wonderful family vacation to gear up for stop #2 on the Miracle Maddie Magical Medical Tour: Melbourne, Florida for a three-week intensive therapy program. The intensive’s been going REALLY well; the first day wiped our warrior princess out! Missy’s going to keep sending me pictures and videos, so I’ll be sure to post them. Please keep praying and sharing and donating.

Ireland

My friend California Joe and I returned to Blarney to begin our farewell tour. We have plans to visit Dingle and rent a car to go from Galway and Connemara to Mayo to Sligo to Donegal. If there’s time, we also want to go to Wicklow. It’s not easy to think about leaving, but both of us are excited to head home.

That castle is no joke. Bravest guy I know, entering the Poison Garden with unbridled enthusiasm. We did The Wishing Stairs. I think I messed up, though. Ireland is so beautiful. So freaking beautiful.

I also finished teaching Creative Writing to fifth and sixth year students at Mungret Community College. I taught four workshops, lasting two hours each, and the students were phenomenal. They were engaged and willing to share their work, and they were so kind and respectful. I’m going to miss the students A LOT. Nearly every single supervising teacher who sat in on the sessions commented on how engaged the kids were and how great it was to see them invested. I guess I really am meant to be an English teacher. It’s true what they say: No matter where you go, there you are.

Writing

My second workshop as featured writer was GLORIOUS. I was overwhelmed by how invested everyone is in the story and I received GREAT notes. Everyone was so generous with their time and energy. I walked out of the building ABSOLUTELY GIDDY. My one-to-one follow-up was just as amazing. Donal helped me craft ideas for two scenes and gave me two book recommendations. Simply wonderful.

I filled out author information for my publisher as they’re gearing up to start promoting Moody Blue, so keep an eye out.

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On the happiest day of the year.

Miracle Maddie

We were told we should start trying to get Maddie Girl to follow commands, which is SO EXCITING because there’s optimism about her cognitive abilities! But Maddie Girl has always done what she wants when she wants, so this could be a struggle. And the timing kind of sucks because Maddie Girl’s on Spring Break and thriving! She’s been great in the car, which is more evidence she’s relaxing and coming out of that fight or flight mode. That’s when serious healing starts. She’s been doing REALLY GOOD and enjoying a vacation with her loving family.

She needs to rest up because on Monday, March 28th, she starts a three-week intensive therapy regimen in Melbourne, Florida. Please keep praying that this will benefit Maddie and help her continue on her current path to recovery. Please keep sharing and the GoFundMe and, if you can, please consider donating. We have come SO FAR and we simply could not have done so without the generosity and support of wonderful people.

Ireland

It was much easier coming to terms with the end of my time in Ireland last month, when the weather was wet and cold and gray. But now that Spring has finally arrived, and everything feels better, I know saying goodbye to Limerick will crush me, at least momentarily.

And it’s not just Limerick; all of Ireland has been exceedingly wonderful. I spent St. Patrick’s Day in Galway with two dear friends. It was a perfect day: we had good weather, caught the end of the parade (like the very end), ate a delicious lunch, enjoyed great music, and had so many pints. One of my most favorite memories will be singing “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo at the top of my lungs with absolutely everyone in a gay bar. What a great day.

Writing

I’m one of the featured writers during workshop this week. I wrote a close third-person point of view from another character, so I’m interested to hear what the others say. I’m worried it’s a little risky since I just recently started nailing the other voice. I should be writing more and I should be reading more. There’s lots to do concerning the end of the semester, so I’m going to do my best to stick to a writing schedule.

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On mostly writing.

Female hand holding a feather pen. Retro design element. Vintage engraving stylized drawing. Vector illustrationMiracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s having a lot more good days than she used to. She’s very calm and we’re so thankful. She’s been looking more comfortable lately and at her most recent pulmonologist appointment, the doctor was impressed with her nice, deep breaths and with how clean Mommy’s been keeping her trach and feeding tube! Her acupuncturist, Dr. Murdoc, was commenting on how alert she is and how much better her eyes are since Mexico and her stem cell treatment! AND her chiropractor said we should start trying to ger her to follow commands! Her brain IS healing and she got to enjoy her brother’s concert with her family! Our warrior princess is on a roll.

The epitome of relaxation. On the way to the concert! Maddie’s having good days.

Ireland

I am so conflicted about my time in the Emerald Isle coming to an end. On one hand, I’m excited to go home and see family and friends. On the other hand, I will miss all the friends I have made and the opportunity to solely focus on my writing. Ireland has truly been a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I am eternally grateful.

I had an absolutely perfect Thursday night when I went to The Commercial in Limerick for pints with Joseph, Isabel, Conor, Neil, Sarah Lou, Bob, and Michael. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Nights like Thursday make it impossible to even think about leaving, so I’m already planning on coming back for graduation.

Writing

I’ve been getting A LOT of writing done lately. I’m not sure if it’s because the deadlines seem to be closer together this semester or if it’s because I’m really finding my groove. I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. I mean, I’ve been writing poetry and that’s not really me … unless it’s magnetic.

And I’ve been receiving really positive feedback about my writing. Max, a PhD student, gave me some great feedback as did some of my course mates. Caoimhe really understood what I was going for with my latest scene and it made me so happy. Mom said my latest scene was “very good, it definitely kept my attention!”

I’m going to share the poems I wrote during the poetry lectures here.

Poem #1

Twinkling diamonds in a black velvet blanket
Neck craned upwards, close to breaking
Breath releasing in icy white puffs
The infinite can be so cold
Reaching for Dad’s hand to come back to Earth
to be grounded, safety in touch
The opposite of solitary floating in endless space
It’s overwhelming, takes the breath from your lungs
In a place where there’s no oxygen anyway
Too young for irony
There’s no noise either

Poem #2

Constellations memorized
Orbital eye pressed against the telescope
White lab coat hanging off my frame
Just past my knees, my artist’s smock
As I try to classify what I’ll never touch
What is always expanding
The enormity should paralyze me
But the challenge excites me
A tiny god determining which part of the heavens
I’ll share, I’ll name
Because to name a thing is to own it

Poem #3

I remember him
buttoning and unbuttoning
the cuff of my sleeve with
my arm stretched towards him
across the table

I remember him
sloppily smashing his lips
against my cheek
in the crowded, noisy bar
with his drunken, hazy eyes

I remember him
knocking on my hotel room door
in the dead of night
twirling playing cards in his hand
Smirking

I remember him
like that
so I don’t have to
remember him
as a liar

or as the worst thing
that ever happened to me

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On Galway

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been having a string of good days. She’s back on track with her hyperbaric oxygen treatments, and she’s scheduled to attend a three-week intensive from March 28-April 15th and another one from May 8-16th (which I hope to be home for). These intensives have shown to profoundly speed recovery! We’re so anxious for her to get better, and she’s working so hard in so many different ways. We had her in her stander and she fell asleep on the job, but we can hardly blame her! We’re so proud of our warrior princess.

IrelandGalway

This past weekend, I went to Galway with my best Irish friend, Ruth. The weather was absolutely perfect for it. We walked along the bay into town.

Just absolutely gorgeous. Breathtaking. Ireland literally never disappoints.

We went to Tig Neachtain’s for lunch and it was delicious.

Then we headed to Charlie Byrne’s Bookshop and caught sight of the Irish poet Louis De Paor. We went to Tig Choili for some traditional Irish music, but the real talent was outside.

This is Pauric O’ Meara.And this is Macdara O’Dwyer.

The talent was astounding. We ended the night with one more pint at The Quays. It was yet another magical weekend in Ireland and I was just overcome by how blessed I am.

Limerick

And I have to show some love to my “hometown” of Limerick. I got fish and chips from Donkey Ford’s, and all I could think about was Frank McCourt talking about licking the grease off the paper. It was that delicious. And I walked down to the Shannon to eat my meal just in time to hear a bagpipe band rehearsing.

Delicious.Ireland is the greatest.Writing

Our guest author for class this week was Lisa Harding. She was absolutely phenomenal! She used to be an actress, so she talked a lot about how that past informs her writing. She suggested writers do an improv class and spoke briefly about method writing, in which she starts with a character and edits for structure later, allowing herself to make a big mess. Along with structure, she stressed that getting the point of view right is critical to the success of any story and that it might take some experimenting. She encouraged all of us to “Stick to your guns!” and be confident. When it comes to her process, she shared that she doesn’t write for more than three hours a day and makes sure to get some fresh air. She also allows herself to be dramatic and advised not to censor yourself at all in your first draft.

As for me, there’s still some minor editing to be done while the visual designing continues for Moody Blue. I’m working on my second piece for workshop, which is in an entirely different point of view, and slogging through outlining and writing scenes for my novel in progress.

Life is good.

OH! And go see “The Batman.” You won’t be disappointed.

He’s vengeance.

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On Killarney

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been doing a lot of resting and getting back into the swing of therapy. She started some good tracking at therapy, but had moments of agitation. That could be a result of the stem cells “kicking in.” Luckily those episodes didn’t last very long and she calmed down. During her occupational therapy, she demonstrated the Hands Supporting reflex, which influences the development of vision and perception, hand-eye coordination, and begins the development of gross motor skills of the hands. She’s still working hard and fighting to be here.

She’s a miracle. We just passed the one-year anniversary of her accident. I can’t express how monumental that is. I could be visiting a grave and even though I want Maddie back, I’m not sad every single day like I used to be. I’m more hopeful than anything else, if not a little impatient. It’s insane to consider how much my life has changed over the last 365 days.

Ireland

Last weekend, I visited Killarney with my housemates. Katie, Guillaume, and I took the bus from campus to Killarney and walked to Ali’s house. She was housesitting for her parents and was kind enough to invite us along. We didn’t do much that first night as we were wiped from travelling.

But Saturday was awesome.

We had a delicious brunch at The Shire, and then we walked around town, and then entered the national park. It was absolutely breathtaking. I don’t know how to impress upon you the majesty of the beauty of Ireland. I don’t know if the right words exist. I am constantly overwhelmed by what I’m seeing. And my housemates are goofy.

Guillaume is really tall. Ali, Guillaume, and Katie. This is where we started the day. After brunch. Can’t take Guillaume anywhere. Ladies on a bridge. Seriously can’t take him anywhere.

After meeting up with Ali’s friend Sinead, we saw Torc Waterfall and Muckross House.

Torc Waterfall Katie, Ali, and Sinead Katie’s elegant lunch setup. Everything is beautiful in Ireland. Muckross House

We also checked out Ross Castle.

Ross Castle Everything in Ireland is beautiful. Seriously. Guillaume is really tall, but Katie is… not. Guillaume says pinecones are Irish coconuts.

We got all cleaned up to hit the town for an experience. Unfortunately, I can’t divulge it here because what happens in Killarney stays in Killarney.

Writing

The guest author for my one class was John Boyne, who is probably best known in the States for writing The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (and he’s written a sequel!). His talk was so inspiring! He gave lots of great advice, but stressed that writers should “Find what works for you and stick with it.” And he told us the joy should NEVER go away. He advised, “Don’t get in the way of your story” and to “Just write the best book you can write.” It was an awesome experience.

My piece was one of three critiqued during workshop and I was thrilled with the feedback. I was told my dialogue was “magic” (holy shit) and that my piece was intriguing and immersed the reader. What more can I ask for? Sure, there’s always some fine tuning to be done, but I am over the moon.

And now to write the next piece

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On unbelievable blessings and being humbled.

Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been doing a lot of resting since returning home from Mexico after a successful stem cell procedure. We should start seeing gains from that procedure in another week, on February 28th to be exact, which is also one year since her accident. Missy’s talked about celebrating that day as a kind of second birthday to emphasize the incredible miracle that Maddie is still here. And not only that, but she’s still fighting and getting a little better every single day.

I’m trying not to be sad and follow my sister’s example, but it’s difficult. I go from devastation to anger to optimism and then repeat the cycle. I miss Maddie and it’s awful to grieve someone who’s sitting in the same room. There’s been so much uncertainty in the last year, and there still is, and it’s exhausting. I am so thankful for the patient compassion of so many of our loved ones to weather this storm with us. It’s best to focus on love; it’s the only thing that’ll get any of us through this.

 

Ireland

I can walk around Limerick with my mouth wide open, just staring up at the buildings and being completely overwhelmed by the blessing it is to live and learn here. At random moments, I’ll just have to get really quiet and remind myself that this is all real.

One of our guest lecturers was Roisin Meaney. She gave a wonderful lecture on her career and approach to the writing process. She started writing in 2001 and her 20th book is being released in June. I took so many notes while she so graciously spent time with us, but here are some of my most important takeaways:

Roisin doesn’t read the kind of books she writes–she reads books she would never be able to write and she reads books above her level. I always worry I don’t read enough of the genre I try to publish in, so it was refreshing to hear reading any good writing is also an effective tool to becoming a better writer.Beta readers may be more trouble than they’re worth. I remember having some trouble in finding Beta readers–readers who read your work-in-progress and give you feedback in a kind of real-time scenario. I’m discovering a lot of writers just use a first-reader; a trusted someone who reads a completed draft of the manuscript. Involving a Beta reader can diminish an author’s intuition and the focus can shift from story to that particular reader.ALWAYS BE WRITING. Think of a new story while one is wrapping up. Besides, “you’re only as good as your last book.”Plot can come from experiencing a new location, so it’s good to travel and write in new spaces.When she does have to do research (which is usually minimal), she prefers to do so through interviews. I LOVE this idea. Writing can be isolating, so reaching out and making connections is a great idea and people are usually excited to talk about their areas of expertise and passion.TRUST YOURSELF! HAVE CONFIDENCE!She sets herself a monthly target and sticks to it to be productive. On a good day of writing, she’ll write between 1,000-1,500 words. But some of the “writing” could be editing what was put down the day before. It was wonderfully validating to hear her describe the writing process as “one step forward, two steps back” because I’ve felt that way so many times.Be a part of a writing community. I’ve thought many, many times about starting a writing group and Roisin’s talk convinced me to finally do it.Writing

I’m up for workshop this week. I AGONIZED over my piece. My classmates have all improved their craft so much and the bar has been set incredibly high this semester. The fact that Donal Ryan is my workshop leader this semester adds to the pressure; his writing is just gorgeous and All We Shall Know is one of my favorite novels. The idea of sending him something to read and provide feedback on paralyzed me. I was struck full-force by impostor syndrome and deleted everything I wrote from my first attempt.

The next day, I was hunched over my laptop for hours, sucking down tea and trying to come up with something. I called Mom and sent her a completed draft around dinner time. She got back to me quickly and told me she thought it was very, very good. I felt better. Mom is my first-reader, and I trust her implicitly, but I also worried she was being nice because she knew I was spiraling. I did a little bit of editing and sent it off to another trusted friend and when she was equally as pleased, I knew I’d read it over one more time and then finally send it to my workshop group and Donal. I sent it with hours to spare.

I wanted to forget about it and ignore the impending sense of doom assaulting me. But when I walked into a lecture with Dr. Emily Cullen (brilliant and engaging and so happy she’s at UL while I am), Donal was there and I just wanted to be inconspicuous. So naturally, I opened my bottle of sparkling water and it sprayed all over my lap so it looked like I pissed myself in front of a literary giant, the very same brilliant writer charged with reading my scribbling.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Say a prayer.

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