Kae Cheatham's Blog: Whoa! Another Author?, page 9

Patrick Patterson and the World of Others – Review

I read an author interview at Kindle Author and decided to purchase this book.

I really enjoyed James Edward Fryar's book, Patrick Patterson and the World of Others. It's a fresh voice and a different story from SciFi I've recently read.

The story (excerpted from the book page):

For almost thirteen years, Patrick Patterson has lived a quiet, simple life in the tiny town at the edge of Texas, called Farwell, but he is suddenly whisked away by a rag tag group of warriors and others across the United States to discover his true identity and a destiny clouded in mystery.
Never in his wildest dreams did he think that he'd walk through an underground city filled with citizens from across the universe, contend with powerful enemies from the edge of the galaxy, or travel to the Arctic Circle on a high speed train.
Now, he must decide what he truly desires and whether he even wants to take up the mantle of hero...or alien.

So we're in the present, with aliens among us, and we don't even know it. Patrick didn't know it either, until right before his thirteenth birthday. Then he gets to meet these aliens--up close and personal, and some are pretty gruesome.

Fryar seamlessly melds the fantastic into the common place, and accepting the story is easy. The characters help with this, as they are believable--especially their emotions. The story moved along well, but wasn't predictable. There were a few glitches (aren't there always?), such as irregular sentence structure:

"Patrick found a greasy woman cooking at the stove that he assumed was Pratt's wife"

??the stove is Pratt's wife?? But these were few and offset by some nice language:

"...cars like tiny bubbles of oxygen through the vein of the enclosed Lincoln Tunnel, and back out, into the beating heart of Times Square".

I particularly like the overall presentation; what is shown in the prologue, was important to the entire story, and ties up nicely at the end.

But it isn't quite The End, because Patrick, after he escapes the nasty, alien baddies, still has to make his trip to a distant planet (the true World of Others) and face his destiny. I look forward to the next book.

Online For No Reason

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An article in my morning paper gave results of a study (a very small sample, mind you) and states that most people (especially younger people) go on line for no reason. The demographics are given at the research site, but I'm wondering what significance any of this has on anything--even if the sampling was large enough to really mean something

I'd like to see a comparison to the number of people who get up, and turn on their TV, first thing...and rarely watch it. Cruising around the Internet seems no different than flipping through a magazine or two. People are looking for something to grab their interest, and have a much greater chance of finding something on the WWW.

I'm sure some folks think that "no reason" and and "just to have fun" are symptoms of malaise; but this is just the new version of playing solitaire or watching soaps. At least the Internet provides a great chance of interaction with others. And perhaps that is really the REASON people go online.

Getting Serious 4

I'm patting myself on the back because I did what I set out to do. I completed the major revision of Dead Heroes before the end of November. I don't mean to say it's totally finished and ready to ship to the printer, but the hard stuff is done: I reduced the total word count by more than 10K; made name changes, the history has been coordinated in all sections; most importantly, the character of Gerren Deece has been turned from angst-ridden and marginally sympathetic (because he seemed to feel so sorry for himself), to strong and decisive. A post on a FB group page gave me one of the key ways to solve another problem. Hoorah for social networking!

Two days remain before Dec. 1. I will work to smooth out the few rough sections and finalize my chapter breaks. I've found one beta reader (other volunteers welcome), and intend to send the MS along by the weekend. Then I'll start working on the cover; I already have ideas for this.

Poetry Sunday 5

Chicken

She never can eat
chicken. Has trouble cooking them, too.
It's akin to YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT and she recalls
her grandfather's maxim about taking on
characteristics of consumed creatures.
Not that she would grow feathers, or claws;
the heart is the key
organ, offering great strength if sliced from a bull;
but a chicken? She can't do it.
In the package, the heart looks like a bruised strawberry—
slick and brown.

On the whole,
the plucked skin seems
too normal—human—and when she rinses out
that tiny maw, it drips entrails.
With wings tucked back,
the little carcass seems to strut,
a headless dwarf puffing out its malformed chest.
"Dare ya! dare ya
dare ya to put me in the oven!" No
feet, just little nubs her mother used to hide
behind paper frills like spats sticking off
a fat man's corpse.
She deals better with the creature,
already cut into pieces.

Twisting back the wing tips, the joints thock
and slip in the socket like popping knuckles.
Gristle shines around knobs.
She bisects the breast bone, trying not to see
the red middle—blood stilled. Rinse
each member, towel it dry, straighten the slippery
thigh skin, sometimes loosing
that slick membrane beneath,
which clings to her fingers like mucus.
That's why she slides
each piece through a milk/egg bath and shakes
it in a brown sack filled with flour,

salt, pepper, sage. The whitened results are
like dumplings; even the little heart looks like a crescent
cookie dipped in powdered sugar.
Receiving it, the grease applauds,
bubbles around, speckles the air with hot fury
while the drumsticks gyrate and jump.
Stand back! Turn it.
Clamp down the lid.

"Honey, this looks wonderful!" She sets down his plate.
"Aren't you eating?"

History Mystery and ESP

Go to Indie Snippets to read some action
from my historical mystery,
Kansas Dreamer: Fury in Sumner County

Steps to Heaven - Review

I paid for a download of Steps to Heaven after reading an author interview.

I like police procedural stories and Wendy Cartmell's had the bonus of military police, too. The interaction between the civil and military was interesting. The settings were well described as were most of the characters.

Story (from the book page): Sergeant Major Crane, is a Special Investigations Branch Detective in the British Army, based at Aldershot Garrison. Crane is disturbed by the horrific case of a soldier who, after recently returning from Afghanistan, murdered his wife and 6 year old son and then committed suicide. It seems Solomon was attending a local Church, offering salvation. But as Crane investigates and the body count rises, events take a darker turn and he wonders if the Church is offering salvation, or slaughter...?

Unfortunately the story had few surprises for me, and I didn't like the protagonist who seemed borderline bipolar. He rarely just spoke to anyone: he shouted and stomped, was sarcastic and couldn't sit still. He was unreasonably irritated by anything that didn't seem to go his way. Maybe this is something that will be developed in future books (this is the first of a series).

That Wendy Cartmell wrote the story in present tense would have been okay if there hadn't been slip ups and sentences with both present and past tense. A copy editor would have been helpful to catch this and to correct the absence of commas ("Oh by the way Crane..." and many others), the misspelled words (waives should have been waves, and others), and awkward phrases ("squalling showers," "the syntaxes in his brain start to pop," and others).

I always try to take off my editor hat when reading, but some of these problems distracted me from the story. Nonetheless, with a fast pace and plenty of action, Steps of Heaven is an energetic beginning for a new mystery writer.

Getting Serious 3

Moving right along...

I've undone my undoing and have a handle on this manuscript, Dead Heroes. I think I'll have the revision finished (or close to) by Dec 1.

One thing I've done is follow my own oft-given advice and developed a one-line pitch and a precis. They aren't perfect, by a long shot, but by synthesizing my story idea into brief wordage, I can see what is (and isn't) important in the story and maintain a better focus. Here is the shortest.

Generations of government duplicity concerning genetic manipulation have led to segregation and brought a pantheistic culture to the brink of civil war.

That's for the old "Give someone an idea before the elevator door closes" pitch. Then there's this one with a bit more information:

The elite ruling class of New Esrii comes under attack by expatriates and dissident citizenry. It is up to a few citizens to sacrifice everything for the good of the whole. Can they do it? And, as a rogue star threatens to wipe New Esrii off the star map, will their actions be for naught?

(FEEDBACK DESIRED!!)

I need to write a longer blurb that will get my main characters mentioned. I originally worried that I might have too many main characters. First is Nathan, troubled by the prejudice he feels around him and by a possible mind disorder; Sinoa Belkin is the only person he can relate to, but she is the daughter of a leading official, Zaya Glen--a possible enemy. Zaya, part of a powerful secret organization, is troubled by the direction she sees this group taking; her decisions are vital to the story. Then there's Fleet Commander Gerren Deece, trying to fathom his mission and the mysterious events that plague it. I also present the story from the viewpoint of Sinoa's brother, Rendel and one of Nathan's tutors, Commander Benjmin York

Many books I have read in the past year or so have multiple points of view. It's not something I like to do. Once I get beyond three (two, for me, has always been optimum) I begin to worry. This worry is one reason I've had trouble with this manuscript. I'm now convinced the story can't be effectively told without all these character POVs. I'm keeping them well blocked--no head hopping--and I'm making it work.

Poetry Sunday 4

Sport Hunter

In the morning, when I see a mouse

sprawled on the dining room floor

as if languishing over-glutted on some

beach of cheese, I know

my queen cat

has struck again--on safari!

her long tail flicking with the game.

She roamed across the piano bench,

(the china hutch her blind)

laid wait and pounced on her prey--orange eyes bright

with joy;

and when her new toy didn't move anymore

(she pawed it several times to be sure)

she stalked into he kitchen

to groom her ruff of white,

examine her claws, get a bite

to eat.

She might appreciate a gallery to display

her trophies of mice heads

bird wings

even the tail of a squirrel,

but I take them up,

carefully wrap them in Scott towels

and bury them in

the trash bag.

Through the day, anxious scurryings come from

between walls as tiny rodents

rearrange affairs.

My furry Artemis pretends to ignore this

although her ears twitch

even when she's curled in sunlight,

sleeping

until night--

the next open season.

&copy Kae Cheatham
as published in Art Life

Corsair (Outer Pendulum, Part 1) – Review

I paid for a download of Corsair after reading a 200-word excerpt on Indie Snippets.

This short-story length hard science fiction, takes place on a flagship of an armada. I'm not a big fan of hard SF, and the Indie Snippet's post didn't really indicate this genre. The snippet spoke of slavery and mining colonies. Nonetheless, I read on, pleased by the competent writing and good descriptions.

The Commander of the armada, Eli Saffinger, is well described both physically and emotionally. He has revenge on his mind, as he hopes to engage the alien commander who destroyed a cruise liner, killing more than 1000 people. The battle scene is quickly set, and proceeds with action fit for a TV screen.

It was all over rather quickly and I think it should have been fleshed out to at least be a novella (~60,000 words). It ends with hints of more to come (This is Part 1, after all).

Getting Serious 2

It's midway through November and how am I doing on my planned November Writing project? Ha! If I'd really signed up for NaNoWriMo, I'd be way behind. It's the fallacy of thinking a project already started (a full draft actually completed) will move more easily that starting from tabula rasa and building something new. I've boxed myself in by trying to remedy scenes with a bit of editing rather than rewriting.

Funny. I tell people in workshops and advise in my writers group not to look at the old stuff—write what is going to be most effective the way you see the story now. I haven't heeded my own advice, and that has put me way off course. I'll have to pull some all-nighters to get back on track.