Emerald's Blog, page 5

Sex, Aging, and Inspiration: The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50

Most readers of this blog or my work are aware, I imagine, that sex interests me. I don’t just mean engagement in it (though that is included!), but the topic itself: the vast, glorious, and fascinating subject of sexuality with its myriad psychological, spiritual, personal, social, and energetic implications. Whenever I have encountered another in the personal or public realm who seems similarly oriented, I have tended to take notice and go out of my way to discover said person’s perspectives and offerings on this subject of mutual fascination.

Joan Price is one of these people. And her latest book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain—or Regain—a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, published by Cleis Press, is a shining example of why I would seek out this kind of luminosity. I’m delighted to participate today in the official blog tour celebrating this brand new release—please visit here to see the rest of the schedule and follow along!

I’m not yet over 50, and I won’t be for more than a decade, but the fact is, I am acutely supportive of an increase in information and discussion on sexuality-related topics, especially one that’s tended to get as little air time as this one. For a population that society consistently seems to say doesn’t—or shouldn’t—exist (seniors actively embracing, embodying, displaying, and living their sexual energy and desire), Joan’s advocacy and personal and professional devotion to the subject of senior sexuality strikes me as invaluable and woefully needed. 
The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 offers a genuine, straightforward, comprehensive, and caring guide to things from the universal (as I see it) to the specific as related to the age group in question, covering topics from sex toys to the absence of intimacy in relationship to widowhood to navigating the contemporary world of online dating.

It is a beautiful book. If I were to describe it in one word, I think it would be “inspiring.”

I perceive this word from multiple angles. As a reader who hasn’t even experienced many of the things the book talks about, I could feel the energy of kindness, generosity, and encouragement with which it was written. I find that inspiring in and of itself. In addition, I saw inspiration in the following messages (explicit or implicit):

You Are Not Alone

As a baseline, this book will let readers know they are not alone in almost all of their situations, concerns, or challenges. Running the gamut from issues of seemingly lost intimacy, changes in desire, the occurrence of widowhood, health challenges, medicinal side effects, and much more, what is presented in these pages lets those facing any of these circumstances know that many, many other people have and are too. I don’t underestimate the profound value of this.

Mainstream Social Messages About Older Sexuality Are (Generally) Bullshit

I have experienced mainstream culture as dismissing or denigrating the existence or appropriateness of sexual desire, expression, and health among older people. I find this nonsensical and unconscionable. So, it seems, does the author.

There Are Many Practical Solutions Available

The author devotes much pagination to addressing numerous practical matters, from medicinal side effects to the potential benefits of different kinds of sex toys. Personally, I could feel the caring and reassurance with which this was written, which it seems to me will be of particular support to readers who may experience a defeated relationship with their bodies or health challenges. Joan not only offers information to help readers understand the array of options and potential solutions that are available, she has also compiled an extensive “Recommended Resources” section at the end of the book and consistently reminds the reader to check them out if they seem relevant.

You Have a Right to Have Sexual Concerns Addressed in Professional Medical Care

There is a whole chapter devoted to speaking with medical professionals about issues related to sexuality, particularly in the context of health challenges. This chapter encompasses information on everything from finding a doctor willing to address this topic (and ceasing to see one who doesn’t) to how to convey to your health care providers that you find your sexuality an important part of life and want to attend to any concerns about it.

While the World—and You—Have Changed, the Very Fact That You’re Still Here Means You Are Capable of Adapting

I also saw a continual emphasis on openness and awareness of shifts in ourselves and our relationships. The straightforward assertion that things shift in our bodies and beings as we age and that this does not necessarily mean the “end” of something but rather an opportunity for something different struck me as a linchpin of the overall positive, caring, and encouraging note this book consistently sounds.

Sexual Universality

Not surprisingly (to me anyway), there were certainly things in The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 that it seems to me adults of all ages would do well to consider. Certainly I appreciated the emphasis throughout on expanding our view and definition of sex to mean things in addition to penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse. And, of course, there was a general inclusivity essential to any comprehensive book on sexuality that addressed populations such as the LGBT communities. There were also timeless offerings related to self-awareness, such as the recommendation to discern, articulate, and prioritize what one is specifically looking for in a sexual or long-term committed partner.

The book is presented in a way that inserts actual comments from readers and followers of the author’s work where relevant. These anecdotes, which ranged from longing and poignant to breathtakingly joyful, struck me as clearly reflective of the conflicts, successes, and complexities of real people’s experiences and, in my perception, added greatly to the accessibility of the book. In addition, the author makes liberal use of calling on colleagues with expertise in the specific areas she’s addressing, resulting in excerpts and asides from such luminaries as Carol Queen, Charlie Glickman, and Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson.

Joan also shares generously of herself in these pages. This did not surprise me, as I have seen her offer openly about her (sometimes quite intimate) experiences and how they have impacted her life and sexuality. I have experienced her as doing this at least in part with the earnest aspiration of supporting others in developing and living their own authentic sexualities. Again—inspiring.

Never for a second did I see this book as not relevant to me because I’m not (yet) in the target age group. (Really, how self-defeating would such a perspective be, since it seems likely I someday will be!) I actually love having had the opportunity to read this at this time; it prepares me with so much information for what to perhaps expect and how to address my own experience as I get older. Encouraging and practical, accessible and informative, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 is a book I recommend without hesitation not only to the targeted age group but also to all of us who care about sexuality and want to support both ourselves and others in authentically appreciating it throughout the human life span.

Love,

Emerald

“It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me, and I’m feeling good…”

-Michael Buble “Feeling Good”

Silence and Shout-Outs

From my reading at The Philadelphia Erotic Literary Salon in November

I have been quiet during December. As I have mentioned here before, in Five-Element acupuncture, Winter is a time for stillness, silence, depth, and mystery. Our culture seems to throw that for a bit of a loop, but I personally aspire to do my best to respect the season’s offerings. At this time, that manifested as stepping away a bit from online promotion and interaction.

Of course, I was remiss in not getting a post up about the annual International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers on December 17. I absolutely did not forget about the day; I just (for the first time since I started blogging) did not manage to get a post written about it in a timely manner. I regret that.

Writing-wise, 2014 was a huge year for me, of course, with the release in September and October of my first single-author books. I found it big for me in other ways, too, and I can hardly believe 2014 is already coming to a close. To me, the year seemed to fly by. On that note, I’m a bit late in mentioning that I have an author interview about If… Then up on the Marketing for Romance Writers (MFRW) Author Blog that went live this past Sunday, December 28.

Before I close out the year here, I want to give a shout-out to two people I love dearly. The first is my colleague Alana Noel Voth, whose birthday I appeared to miss on December 27 (I say “appeared” because I actually didn’t forget about that either but just didn’t manage to publicly wish her a happy birthday like I meant to!). Alana released her first single-author short story collection this year as well: the extraordinary Dog Men is available now through its publisher, Tiny Hardcore Press. If you’re not familiar with Alana’s writing, all I know to say is that I have consistently found it breathtaking in its scope, depth, and capacity to move. I highly recommend checking her collection out.

The second is Ms. Donna George Storey, whose birthday is today! Donna is the author of Amorous Woman, one of my all-time favorite novels, and it has so been my pleasure and privilege to get to know her, mostly via our online communications, over the last several years.

Wishing all a beautiful new year (and always!) and transition into 2015.

Love,

Emerald

“It’s only going on nine o’clock but feels more like midnight…already having the time of our lives, and we’re just getting started tonight…”

-Jason Aldean “Just Gettin’ Started”

Welcoming December with an Award and a Guest Post!

I can hardly fathom that it’s December already (I’m still looking around wondering where summer went)—but it is, and that means I have a couple things to announce today!

First, I truly could not be more honored to have received the Top Blogger Award from Romance Lives Forever for the month of November. I had an interview featured there November 10, and the award means that post received more page views than any other of the month (with the exception of the Top Blogger post itself, posted on the first of the month, and the post for a unique blog event in November that was in honor of Veterans’ Day). I really can hardly believe my post gleaned this honor, and I feel so truly, profoundly grateful to everyone who visited and/or shared it. Thank you.

In addition, I also have a guest post up today at the remarkable Brit Babes blog, a site run by eight magnificent UK-based authors: Lily Harlem, Victoria Blisse, Lexie Bay, Tabitha Rayne, Sarah Masters, Lucy Felthouse, Kay Jaybee, and K D Grace. I am delighted to have the chance to spout off offer a perspective in me on their blog today.

As I mention in the post itself, the topic I chose to write about is not new (either its existence or a response to it). But I’d found the topic in my consciousness recently and felt compelled to muse on what I saw as its implications. The result was “The Art of Perception: Sexuality, Society, and Realness”—and what better place to offer it, it seems to me, than Brit Babes? :)

In case I’ve seemed coy about the actual topic, my post deals with the response to the claim that erotic writing is not “real” writing. A very thoughtful friend of mine postulated the question to me in a theoretical sense—as in, how would I respond to it were someone to seriously ask me—and this post is, for now at least, my answer. :)

Love,

Emerald

“I myself see the perspective in question as much more related to society’s perceptions around sexuality than about anything to do with either literary or erotic writing.”

-from “The Art of Perception: Sexuality, Society, and Realness”

Come See Me at Beyond Romance!

It is truly my honor to be appearing today at Beyond Romance, the blog of legendary Lisabet Sarai. Lisabet’s was one of the very first names I ever learned in the realm of contemporary erotica, as I ran across it in short order when I first discovered the Erotica Readers and Writers Association website, which could be considered a catalyst into my long-dreamed-of foray of publishing work as an author.

Speaking of catalysts, my post today on Beyond Romance is titled, “Conflicts and Catalysts: Exploring Self-Awareness in Story and Life,” and it includes a giveaway—all you have to do is comment, and you’ll be entered to win a $10 gift card to Barnes & Noble. :) (I’ll draw the winner Tuesday.) I am so grateful to Lisabet for graciously inviting me to be a guest on her blog today, (truly, I’m a bit awestruck to be there), and it was a pleasure to ruminate on the topic I did—namely, how almost all the stories in my two new collections, If… Then and Safe, have a “conflict” with the self at their core.

Hope to see you there!

Love,

Emerald

“Truthfully, that might be the gist of it: it seems to me that one’s inner landscape and level of personal consciousness is really the ultimate ‘conflict’ in all circumstances—that regardless of what is happening, that is what it invariably comes down to. So perhaps I just want to cut to the chase. ;)”

-from “Conflicts and Catalysts: Exploring Self-Awareness in Story and Life”

Recommended Reading: A Little Schedule Change

I keep thinking I’ve posted this here when in fact I’ve only done so in my head. :) Regular readers may have noticed that I have been remiss in neglecting to post Recommended Reading for the past few weeks. Apologies! I, again, knew that I was planning to make a schedule change over the last several weeks and managed to forget to actually post my plan to do so.

So, with the addition of actions related to promoting my new books to my general to-do list, as well as a few other things, I am feeling that gathering my themed Recommended Reading posts has become something I have not quite had the wherewithal to organize each week. I certainly don’t want to stop doing RR, as it’s something I’ve really appreciated and enjoyed (and thank you so much to those who have followed and appreciated the feature!), but I am going to release the commitment of posting it regularly each week on Wednesdays. I will now go to posting it…well, whenever I want to (lol).

In all seriousness, Recommended Reading will no longer have a regular post time/day but will rather be posted whenever I feel inclined to prioritize doing so. As such, I will announce on social media when I do post RR since it will no longer seem predictable/regular. :)

Thank you again so much for reading, and be well!

Love,

Emerald

Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday when I feel like it ;)

A Little Schedule Change

I keep thinking I’ve posted this here when in fact I’ve only done so in my head. :) Regular readers may have noticed that I have been remiss in neglecting to post Recommended Reading for the past few weeks. Apologies! I, again, knew that I was planning to make a schedule change over the last several weeks and managed to forget to actually post my plan to do so.

So, with the addition of actions related to promoting my new books to my general to-do list, as well as a few other things, I am feeling that gathering my themed Recommended Reading posts has become something I have not quite had the wherewithal to organize each week. I certainly don’t want to stop doing RR, as it’s something I’ve really appreciated and enjoyed (and thank you so much to those who have followed and appreciated the feature!), but I am going to release the commitment of posting it regularly each week on Wednesdays. I will now go to posting it…well, whenever I want to (lol).

In all seriousness, Recommended Reading will no longer have a regular post time/day but will rather be posted whenever I feel inclined to prioritize doing so. As such, I will announce on social media when I do post RR since it will no longer seem predictable/regular. :)

Thank you again so much for reading, and be well!

Love,

Emerald

Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday when I feel like it ;)

I’ll be at the Philadelphia Erotic Literary Salon on Tuesday!

In case you’ve missed my announcements on social media, I want to share here that I am delighted to be scheduled as the featured reader at the forthcoming November Erotic Literary Salon in Philadelphia! This will be my third time as the featured reader at the Salon, and I am honored to be invited as such.

You can find all the details about attending at the press release, but the quick and dirty is that it will be on Tuesday, November 18 (the Salon is regularly held the third Tuesday of every month) at TIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge) in Philadelphia. If you’re unfamiliar with the Salon, much of the evening is comprised of open-mic readers offered five-minute increments during which to read. Anyone is welcome to read at the Salon as long as you sign up in advance.

As far as my time slot, I’m not sure yet exactly what I’ll be reading aloud, but I’m leaning toward dividing my segment in half in order to read an excerpt from both If… Then and Safe. I’m really looking forward to being there!

If you find yourself in the area, please feel welcome to join us! :)

Love,

Emerald

“Won’t you stand up, stand up, stand up, won’t you stand up and use your voice?…”

-Sugarland “Stand Up”

Sex, Cupcakes, the Personal, and the Universal

Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for Sex and Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays (on sale now at Amazon and iBooks), the inaugural single-author book from prolific sex writer, erotica editor, and cupcake connoisseur Rachel Kramer Bussel! I am delighted to be participating in the tour, which you may find and follow along with here. In addition, Rachel is holding an in-person book release party on November 17 at Sweet Revenge—find all the details on that on the Facebook invitation.

This may sound far-fetched, but the fact is, the first paragraph of the introduction of Sex and Cupcakes captivated me. Intensely. Those six sentences resonated with me so much and struck me as so full of insight that I came to write this sentence down literally before I’d even gotten halfway through the introduction. Upon finishing the introduction, I honestly didn’t know how one could not find it electrifyingly intriguing. I certainly did.

Full disclosure: Rachel has bestowed upon me the honor, many times, of publishing my work in her anthologies. Exactly half of the stories in my first single-author short story collection, If… Then, were previously published in anthologies edited by Rachel. Three of the stories in my second collection, Safe, were. She has published me more than all the other editors who have combined (not counting, of course, the publisher of said brand new collections). I have loved working with her and am truly honored to have made so many appearances in her compilations.

So one could say I might find it difficult to offer a “fair” or “objective” review of a volume she penned in its entirety.

Perhaps. But one could also say that I have felt drawn to submitting to her anthologies and working with her because I have familiarized myself with and followed her work, much of which has included nonfiction writing for a variety of publications, and found it consistently resonant and compelling. That would be accurate, and I suspect it goes far in accounting for the enthusiasm and appreciation I feel for her first single-author volume of nonfiction essays. I guessed that I would like Sex and Cupcakes enough to rave about it, and I was correct.

Sex and Cupcakes is a compilation of nine of the author’s luminous essays in one place, offering a (luscious buttercream frosting) taste of her extensive examination of, as she herself puts it, “how ideas about sexual freedom impact our society.” In addition to penetrating explorations on universal themes of life, sex, connection, society, and various correlations therein, the author also delves deep into her own personal experience, offering memoir of a captivating and illuminating nature that, we eventually see, frequently harkens back to these universal themes and macrocosmic observations of social phenomena.

To me, “My Boyfriend’s Fat” exemplified this juxtaposition, gracefully weaving the author’s inner perspective on her intimate relationship with insights into society’s (astonishingly intrusive and, as I see it, relatively arbitrary) relationship with fat, adding in level-headed recognitions about how the circumstances of said fat affect her and her boyfriend’s lives. It was one of my favorite pieces.

I also found myself loving and strikingly relating to “Monogamishmash,” an essay that, as I experienced it, displayed a trait I noticed throughout my reading of Sex and Cupcakes. It is that Rachel doesn’t hold back from displaying her personal vulnerabilities and uncertainties in the memoir within these pages. I found this to make the writing more authentic, engaging, interesting, and relatable. I have the feeling she writes with not only a desire to express herself but also to offer connection to her readers, who may find things here to relate to, discover about themselves, feel relief about seeing in another. In short, as Rachel puts it herself in the title essay, “I hope … my books and writing have helped open other people up as well.”

Speaking of the title piece, which is, of course, called “Sex and Cupcakes,” it seemed to me to be the highlight of the compilation. This was not just because it is significantly longer than the rest of the essays but also because it offers a comprehensive glimpse into these two aspects of the author’s life that have become, somewhat unexpectedly, so pivotal to her everyday existence and her career. Their juxtaposition and the author’s presentation of how she experiences the professional, social, and personal implications of each not only makes for interesting reading but is also, as usual, filled with the incisive observations and assessments the author has established as characteristic throughout the volume.

It’s worth noting that in addition to the curiosity, contemplation, exploration, and openness Rachel offers in these pieces, she is also simply a skilled writer. Thus the content she provides is not only compelling to peruse but is noticeably complemented by clear, lovely prose to express it.

Never, as I interpret it, does the author presume she is speaking for or representing anyone but herself, which I find a grounding and ingratiating characteristic in almost any writing but particularly in memoir or social commentary. As she says in “Sex and Cupcakes”: “I don’t have all the answers and I don’t pretend to. What I do have is a curiosity about my own and others’ sexuality, about what turns people on and how those interests relate to the culture at large.”

Those two sentences encompass a summation of how I ultimately experienced Sex and Cupcakes: as a diverse collection of curious, probing, sincere musings of someone who is truly and unapologetically fascinated by sex. As one who has that in common with the author, this book was an endeavor I actively appreciated.

If you’ve ever read the author’s work online (and if you have an interest in relationships, sexuality, and/or memoir, you probably either have or will want to) and appreciated it, Sex and Cupcakes is something you’ll almost certainly want to devour as a comprehensive taste of the thoughtfulness, relatability, and insight she has to offer. If you haven’t yet been exposed to her work, I recommend this volume as a superb place to start.

In the title piece, Rachel says (accurately, it seems to me), “Focusing on sex as an intelligent point of conversation, as something lively, worthy and interesting, is beyond the pale for a lot of people.”

It is certainly our gain that the author is not one of them.

Thank you again for stopping by my day on the virtual book tour, and don’t forget that you can purchase Sex & Cupcakes now at Amazon and iBooks!

Love,

Emerald

“There is a particular kind of venom that comes out when you speak and write about sex, whether it’s autobiographical or not. You reveal a vulnerability and tap into the dirty little secret of our supposedly sex-saturated, anything-goes American culture: that deep down, we are pretty prudish.”

-from the title essay of Sex & Cupcakes

Playing a Little Catch-Up!

You may have noticed that things look a little different here at The Green Light District. I’ve recently completed a bit of an update to the site, offering more prominent access to my new single-author short story collections, Safe (erotica) and If… Then (erotic romance). Though the blog is no longer the entry/landing page from the splash page, it is always accessible via the “Blog” tab above. :) (The direct link to the blog has not changed, so no need to update bookmarks, links, etc. Thank you!)

I’m a little bit behind on announcing a few things, so this post is going to serve multiple purposes! First, today I am honored to return to the Romance Lives Forever (RLF) blog with an interview about my erotic romance collection, If… Then! I am delighted to be back at RLF (I first appeared there last year with an interview about Lustfully Ever After), and I so appreciate the generosity of Kayelle Allen, proprietor of the RLF blog. An extract from “Shattered Angels,” one of the stories in If… Then, is included in the post.

In addition, last week the fabulous K D Grace invited me to come to her blog to talk about my erotica short story collection, Safe. It was a pleasure to be back at A Hopeful Romantic, and I so appreciate K D’s inviting me! In this post I ruminate a bit about story endings (happy, not-so-happy, otherwise…) and share an excerpt from one of the stories in Safe, “To Make It That Way.”

This Friday, November 14, I’ll be participating in the virtual book tour for Rachel Kramer Bussel‘s new single-author essay collection, Sex and Cupcakes. Watch this space!

Lastly, I’m quite excited to share that I am scheduled to be the featured reader at the November Erotic Literary Salon in Philadelphia! I have attended the Salon a number of times (twice as a featured reader), and I am so flattered that Susana Mayer, founder and proprietor of the Salon, invited me to come back in November to celebrate the release of my books. The Salon will be held the evening of Tuesday, November 18, and I will probably split up my featured reader time and read a bit from both Safe and If… Then. :) Please see the Salon’s press release and website for any details about attending!

Thanks so much, as usual, for being here, and be well.

Love,

Emerald

“You run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking, racing around to come up behind you again…”

-Pink Floyd “Time”

Recommended Reading #218: Youth, Pt. VII

      “Rites of the Savage Tribe” by Jean Roberta (Sex and Culture, Youth, Sociology) 8/26/14

I find this such a thoughtful piece, and to me it articulates important circumstances and tendencies we would do well to recognize.

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      “Sex Research Confuses Casual Sex with Causal Sex” by Cory Silverberg (Youth, Sex and Culture, Sexuality Research) Undated

I find this piece generously written, which I appreciate and tend to prefer to err toward myself. In this case, the one thing with which I slightly disagree is in Cory’s final paragraph when he says he doesn’t think the researchers are aiming to mislead. From a certain angle, I agree with that, but from another, I suspect they may really think “casual” sex is somehow bad, wrong, or at least lesser than “other” kinds of sex and thus are eager to not only prove something but to “prove,” more specifically, that. (Incidentally, any time I see the word “prove” associated with social research, I experience an immediate wariness.) Anyway, I much appreciate Cory’s exploration in this piece and am glad he wrote it.

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      “6 Totally Normal Things Young Girls Do When They’re Discovering Their Sexuality That No One Ever Talks About” by Kat George (Childhood, Sexuality Education, Sex and Culture) 11/4/14

Yes, yes, and more yes…to me, this is just filled with “yes.” I find it great to see and so appreciate its being written.

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday