Emerald's Blog, page 33

Recommended Reading #39: Health and Body, Pt. II

      "A Response to the War on Women" by Emma Tarver (Reproductive Freedom, Female-Bodied Health, Politics) 3/8/11

I appreciate wholeheartedly almost all I interpret this article as saying. I will only point out that the emphasis on providing health care services for free introduces economic and/or labor issues that I am not necessarily interested in including or discussing at length in the context of all else that is said in the article. The ideological and cultural assessments I interpret from this article about women's bodies and bodily autonomy are what strongly resonate with me in this piece—especially the parts about giving birth, as considerations on that subject or around that process have often seemed to me overlooked or unquestioned in society, the American medical community/modality, and even at times the reproductive freedom movement.

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      "Loving the Disabled" by Douglas Fox (Sex Work, Health and Body, Sex and Culture) 8/19/10

I found this discourse striking in its incisive articulations of ways society may view, particularly as imbued with condescension and judgment, the sexuality or sexual experiences of people with disabilities, as well as considerations of said individuals' own respective experiences in relation to sexuality. I found especially salient and poignant the author's assertion about professional sexual services and disabled persons' potential desire and prerogative to use them.

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      "Just Breathe: Body Has A Built-In Stress Reliever" by Gretchen Cuda (Non-sex-related, Health and Body) 12/6/10

Since one of my spiritual teachers is a breathwork trainer and practitioner, I have been exposed to experience, information, and invitation about conscious breathing for several years. It is a delight to me to see evidenced in this article a wider understanding of the extraordinary power of breath and how our conscious attention to it may affect and enhance our health and well-being.

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday

Call-in Radio Chat with Rachel Kramer Bussel and Authors Today!

I've just returned from Florida so am rather late announcing this, but today (Saturday, March 19) at 2:00 p.m. Eastern U.S. Time (which is in an hour!), there will be a live call-in chat on BlogTalkRadio for Rachel Kramer Bussel's brand new brand new Online Book Club! The club debuted last week, and today's chat will be recorded and archived afterward as well.

I will be one of the authors on the call today, and listener call-ins are welcome. The call-in number is 626-414-3413, and the call will be for one hour. Find all the details here. Feel free to join us just to listen in, and if feel so moved to call, we'd love to hear from you!

Love,

Emerald

"Operator won't you put me on through…hurry up won't you put her on the line, I gotta' talk to the girl just one more time…"

-Garth Brooks "Callin' Baton Rouge"

Recommended Reading #38: Non-Monogamy, Pt. II

      "The Case For Open Relationships" by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Sex and Culture, Relationship) 12/10/07

I find this a measured, considered piece about intimate relationship and its different structures. I feel that Rachel acknowledges the uniqueness of relationship and different orientations toward them, and I also appreciate her mention of monogamy seeming to be the expected standard for intimate relationship in our culture and the issues that may arise (arguably have arisen) in response as such. Lastly, I like how she points out the fluidity of such orientations—that it is "not an either/or choice you must make now and stick with forever." I see this piece as basically an exposition about the options in romantic/intimate relationship in the context of our current culture, with no claim that any is inherently "better" than any other.

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      "Sex, Polyamory, and the Wisdom of the Body" by Deborah Taj Anapol (Sex and Spirituality, Sex and Culture, Relationship, Biology) 11/2/10

I find this perspective that seems to me to blend biological as well as psychological and spiritual considerations interesting and pertinent. I myself don't find the question of whether monogamy is biological or "natural" particularly relevant (to how we choose to live our lives)—it seems evident that some people have felt genuinely oriented toward each, and we seem to do a lot of things that may not be considered "natural." The sentence in this article that seems to encompass the thrust (no pun intended) of the whole piece for me is also the one I find probably the most intriguing: "Perhaps once our internal divisions are united into a coherent whole, polyamory will have served its purpose and a genuine monogamy will evolve." The idea of our "internal divisions" is of potent interest to me, and I find interesting her idea of polyamory as a tool (especially in a culture that so favors monogamy) for psychological and spiritual self-awareness.

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      "Critique of Pure Relationships: On Consent and Compulsory Monogamy" by Angi Becker Stevens and Alex Upham (Relationship, Sex and Culture, Sociology, Psychology) 12/11/10

This is a bit long but so very worth reading as far as I'm concerned, especially for anyone interested in the subject of non-monogamy or relationship structures and related sociological considerations and cultural context. I especially felt resonance with almost everything under the "Love and Marriage?" heading and found the "Jealousy" section to contain insights that seem to me extremely important to consider, including the insights about current society's general perceptions about jealousy. To me this piece seems a considered, comprehensive expounding on what I find a beautiful line in its conclusion: "We must work consciously to break down our own deeply imprinted ideas that love inherently equals monogamy, and that jealousy is justified and unavoidable."

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday

Recommended Reading #37: Parenting

      "Time for the Big Sex Talk" by Kalynn Huffman Brower (Sex and Youth, Sex and Culture, Sexuality Education) 3/1/11

I seem to find very little more moving and inspiring than the perspective and understanding of a parent that his/her child is that child's own autonomous being—and the love, awareness, and respect that goes with that perspective. It doesn't seem to me to be the most common understanding, and when I see it, I feel like I have frequently stopped in my tracks for an instant, overcome by something that seems inarticulable or even unidentifiable along with some of the deepest gratitude I have experienced. Sexuality seems one of the areas in which this may be most recognized or expressed, and the ways I see it demonstrated as such in this piece brought me to tears when I read it. (Thanks to Violet Blue for the link.)

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      "Not Vegas" by Alana Noel Voth (Memoir, Non-sex-related) 3/4/11

Yet another instance of Alana, via her writing, blowing me away.

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      "nude studies" by Nikki Magennis (Memoir) 2/1/11

It feels like just about anything I say about this interrupts it somehow (so I will just point the way and step aside).

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday

Bittersweet Balloons

Two years ago, one of my dearest friends informed me that her great Uncle Jesse's (names changed for privacy) 90th birthday was coming up. She said that at his 80th birthday party, he had told everyone that if he made it to his 90th, he wanted to have a "girl jump out of the cake" at his party. With his 90th birthday and corresponding party plans imminent, my friend told me her mother and Uncle Jesse's wife (Aunt Grace) were wondering if they could hire me to surprise Uncle Jesse at his party with a (very tame) strip tease.

I said of course, and on the day of the party I wore a matching polka-dot push-up bra and boyshorts set and covered myself with blue balloons, which Uncle Jesse was provided with a thumbtack to pop while I danced. I had a delightful time performing that job and meeting Uncle Jesse and Aunt Grace, whom I enjoyed seeing occasionally over the next couple years as my friend got married and her family and I encountered each other at different wedding-related events.

Several weeks ago Uncle Jesse underwent surgery and experienced some subsequent complications. While he was recovering, I was told that Aunt Grace had brought him a picture of me taken the day of his 90th birthday party so he could show the nurses his "balloon girl," whom he had apparently talked about. My friend said this was done "not in a silly way – it really cheered him up."

Uncle Jesse died last week, just short of age 92. I will attend his memorial service on Saturday.

Sometimes, professional sexual entertainment is lighthearted, fun, sweet, moving. Sometimes it may hold an importance or make a difference in someone's life many people aren't or wouldn't be aware of.

Today (March 3) is International Sex Workers' Rights Day. This year has brought me, not that I need one, a bittersweet personal reminder that sex work encompasses and touches a wide variety of services, people, and experiences. As always, I offer love and support for sex workers and the recognition of their professional and human rights.

And I offer love to all who knew and loved Uncle Jesse, and wish him a beautiful journey.

Love,

Emerald

"If you could stand tall with me…so much more that we could know…move past this flesh and blood, see what's inside of you…"

-Ed Kowalczyk "Stand"

Recommended Reading #36: Men

      "Does empowering women really make men less 'relevant'?" by Hugo Schwyzer (Reproductive Freedom, Gender Socialization, Relationship) 11/12/10

For as long as I can remember I have appreciated perspectives that have perceived the unfavorable effects (and/or arbitrary nature) of gender socialization to both/all sexes. Women indeed have experienced collectively effects of the phenomenon in tangibly grotesque ways, which is a foundation of the formation and emergence of feminism. I appreciate that and also appreciate recognizing that the constraints of gender socialization are as well harmful to all; the entire conundrum of the contention of certain "roles" or "ways of being" according to one's sex has always struck me as profoundly misguided and inescapably detrimental. I appreciate the exploration in this article of this and the opportunity for men (and all of us in our collective perception of "men") in the lessening and dissolution of gender-based prescriptions particularly in the context of shifting medical/physical circumstances.

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      "Downsides to being seen as a man" at Not Another Aiden (Gender/Sexual Identity, Gender and Society) 8/12/10

I found this post an interesting first-person exposition on experiences of gender (from someone who has experienced it from different sides), specifically as a man, in U.S. culture.

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      "The Myth of the Male Orgasm" by Sarah Sloane (Relationship, Gender Socialization, Sex and Culture, Sexuality Education) 12/16/10

I found it heartening and refreshing to see a piece devoted to the variety and individuality of the biological male sexual experience. The idea that men all are interested in the same thing and perform the same way strikes me as ludicrous (and I too have personally observed that it does not seem to be the case), yet it also seems a pervasive underlying perception in the general culture. I deeply love and appreciate the straightforward, compassionate tone of this piece in saying things that seem to me very important to be said.

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday

Power and Surrender

Editor Rachel Kramer Bussel's latest anthology, Surrender: Erotic Tales of Female Pleasure and Submission, published by Cleis Press, has just been released! Surrender includes my story "Power Over Power" (which was originally published last year in Rachel's Please, Sir).

Rachel has posted the table of contents and introduction to Surrender on her blog here. I find it a particularly lovely introduction, myself, and I'm delighted to be included in this volume with authors like Donna George Storey, Shanna Germain, Justine Elyot, Tess Danesi, Teresa Noelle Roberts, and Alison Tyler, as well as some extraordinary stories (Shanna Germain's "The Sun Is an Ordinary Star" is one of the most striking stories I've read).

Surrender is in stock now on Amazon as well as in stores and at the variety of outlets listed here!

Love,

Emerald

Suddenly a body was up against me from behind, arm rough around my neck. I was in a headlock. It took me just a second to realize I needed to defend myself, and I snapped an elbow back and tried to whirl, realizing it was too late.

Dominic whipped me around and pressed me against the wall. "Okay, you weren't expecting me there. You weren't ready, and you paused. Assailants don't wait until you're ready. You have to be prepared all the time." He eased his hold on me and backed up. I was breathless, staring in his eyes as my pussy tingled insistently.

-from "Power Over Power"

Art of Heartness

I recently read a quote by Rod MacIver, painter and founder of nature and arts/creativity journal Heron Dance, on Heron Dance's Facebook page:

"And it has given me something to think about, to write about: How we construct boundaries around our worlds to make sense of them, but those boundaries limit our experience of life. The role of art is (poetry, novels, music films), in part, to question the limits we place on ourselves; the role of art is to offer a glimpse of a different reality. It stands there beckoning to us, –there is greater potential in you and in life than you can see, than you are trying to see."

Indeed. I have mentioned here before why it has seemed to me that the inarticulable, intangible, perhaps preverbal moving quality of art has felt so important to me. I suspect that sometimes the historically rigid, self-controlling, hypervigilant part of me does want a break, perhaps allows it in this seemingly "safe" area of being affected by art. Of course, perhaps unwitting to or forgotten by it, such hasn't always seemed so "safe"—sometimes it has resulted in an outpouring of affect that the aforementioned part of me has not seemed to feel comfortable with; sometimes it has even felt overwhelming. Sometimes it has led to insights, shifts, openings that are healing and nourishing for the soul and not so job-security-increasing for those structures of ego in me that don't know how to see beyond themselves.

What an amazing, beautiful gift of art.

I wrote that blog post opening a few weeks ago. I was going to write about re-reading novels, how I have experienced some differently upon the second or further readings at different times in my life. Sometime, I may still do that. It happens that now, though, I just finished reading a book for the first time, and it is what I want to write about instead. It, as well, fits impeccably with the quote above.

Which, along with what I wrote following it, rings very poignant right now.

I finished a novel (not in the erotica genre) last night that I started reading a couple weeks ago after feeling inexplicably drawn to and purchasing it at Barnes and Noble. I'm not going to identify it here, partly because some that I say about it is not particularly complimentary, but mostly because in discussing what I want to about it, I'm going to spoil the hell out of it.

There were many things I found beautiful about this novel. The setting, the history, the writing in general were such that I pictured the scenery and the overall novel very vividly; such vision has stayed with me after finishing it and often while I was away from it during the reading of it. Most of all, I fell in love with the main protagonist besides the first-person female narrator—her love interest and later husband, Tom—upon our first exposure to him, and that never changed.

Other things I found lacking in the work. Frequently, especially during the second half, I found myself feeling like there was no central conflict in the book—we were reading along with what was happening in their day-to-day lives, but I was not seeing the conflict that was described on the back of the book (to me it had seemed to be resolved fairly early on in the first half), and there didn't seem to be another "point," if you will, holding the story together. Occasionally I felt impatience with the narrator, seeing her as selfish or a bit oblivious in ways that didn't seem particularly convincing. Neither the story nor the characters ever really "pulled me in"; though I enjoyed it, I did not really feel invested in the story. I felt like I "knew" almost none of the characters and did not feel like I particularly cared about them.

The exception was Tom—whom, incidentally, I feel was superbly written. It was because of Tom and the relationship between him and the narrator that I kept reading the book. He was the only character that I cared about—looking back, really, I was swept away by him.

To illustrate what I'm describing, about fifteen pages from the end of the book, I was reading what I suspect was intended to be an intense scene. I was not particularly finding it so. It may have even consciously occurred to me then that the only character I really cared about was Tom, and as long as he and the narrator were together, I felt a fairly detached disinterest in how they would handle the potential tragedy that was in front of them. Probably in part because he was the main character, but also because of how I had interpreted the tone and content of the book, I felt no suspicion that Tom was going anywhere, so I was feeling fairly nonchalant as I read, my love for Tom and their relationship forming a background of appreciation for a novel I was finding fairly lukewarm on other fronts.

Nine pages from the end of the book, Tom died.

It seemed to then from a writing standpoint as though all those things I mentioned—character development of most of the characters, pulling into the story, strong central conflict—weren't even needed because the end of the book was one of the main protagonist's meeting an untimely death. The "climax" was at the very end, if you will. All that came before was made instantly more poignant, its meaning as a work of art perhaps even largely derived, from his death at the end of the work. Likely exacerbated by how I experienced the circumstances in the book personally, I did not appreciate this.

Emotionally speaking, I was stunned to a degree that I found stunning in and of itself. I actually found myself I denial, sure he hadn't actually died and was going to reappear any second (which would have worked under the circumstances). It was literally not until I read the last sentence of the book that I understood that in this story, Tom really did die. And funnily enough, as I was reading the last page I didn't even know I was doing so yet, because it is followed by an "Author's Note" that I had not glanced at yet and thought as I was reading the last page was still more of the book.

When I realized the book had ended, I experienced some anger (a furious hurling of it to the floor with a What a stupid book I hate it! may have been involved) as I felt the flood of feeling related to this occurrence in the book rising to potential overwhelm in me. It struck me as almost ironic in that I had not felt very invested in the story and had certainly not anticipated that I would experience much of a significant degree of affect after finishing it. I had not in the slightest expected or seen coming what happened, had felt no wisp of a hint that Tom was going to be taken away, that the emotional wind was about to be knocked out of me. That I was about to feel the flood of pain and devastation that I did, sobbing for intermittent periods for over the course of the day and night, experiencing difficultly sleeping, physically feeling the pain and unease in the heart area of my chest, and feeling as though, despite his status as a fictional character, I was really almost grieving him a little bit.

I may not have been invested in the book…but I sure was invested in him.

Less than a week ago, I experienced a realization. It was not a deduction or an analysis (or the result of one) or an intellectual examination. It was a seeing, a spontaneous embodiment and insight in which I was made aware of something about myself.

The awareness was of the absence of heart. I experienced a sudden seeing of how absent connection with my heart had been in my experience over a period of the past several months. The immediacy of this insight was breathtaking, and I was stunned that I had not seen it, had not been aware of it for the several months that it had been occurring. Granted, since the phenomenon of disconnecting from and holding myself outside of my heart is an unconscious pattern in me developed at quite a young age, it has not been an uncommon thing for me to do in this lifetime. But it is something I have become more aware of and worked on quite a bit in recent years—so to see suddenly that I had been so oblivious to its occurrence, that open awareness of and connection with my heart had been almost absent in this particular period of time, was astonishing as well as heartbreaking.

At the time I saw this, I stated out loud that I desperately did not want to operate without heart, to be disconnected from my heart and exclude it from my experience and awareness. I unquestionably wanted to reconnect with it. And I felt—and said—tearfully, right then, that I did not know how.

It has occurred to me in the 24 hours I've had to contemplate since I finished this novel that the relationship between the narrator and Tom seemed one of the most beautiful I've ever read about and felt privy to observe. Seeing such heart between two people (and especially in Tom, whose inner workings the reader did not get to directly see) may have felt like the observation of something new and incredible, that has not always been forthcoming in my own experience and that calls to something profound in me. Particularly at this moment in my existence, this may have occurred to a degree that I felt, really, awestruck by it and experienced from it both a yearning and a satisfaction not unlike that akin to drinking water in the face of urgent thirst. I can—and do—appreciate that I have realized I actually felt a shift reading about them, reading the relationship between them. More and more I have felt a gratitude about this. Though I hate with a passion that the book ended with Tom's dying, I have felt the energetic shift in me in remembering the witnessing of the love between them. In ways, that being one of them, I did love this book.

Given how I saw this relationship and how it moved me, it makes sense to me that I would have found the abrupt and unexpected loss of one of the participants in it, and thus in a way the relationship, as stunning and excruciating as I did. It occurs to me that other readers may not experience or have experienced it that way did they not have the circumstances and current experience I have described in common with me. Even I may have experienced it differently at a different time.

As it was, I was overwhelmed—blindsided, I had no guard up against the devastation that was coming because I had no idea that it was coming. The rawness in my heart has felt scathing, initially almost unbearable as I felt the fury at this book's ending and the soul-wrenching awareness that I could not undo the experience of reading it, of falling in love as I did with Tom and experiencing his disappearance from the form in which I came to do so. That it was a fictional work and he was a fictional character seemed to have little effect on the anguish to which I was privy when I realized the story was over and Tom was dead and I had no choice but to experience what I would as a result. That emotionally, I was laid out flat.

Days ago, I said that I said that I wanted desperately to reconnect with my heart—but that I felt I truly did not know how to.

Here is my answer.

If I take seriously that I want to connect with and open to and integrate my heart, then the invitation to me is to see this for the opportunity that it is. To see the offering, as Rod put it, "that there is greater potential in you and in life than you can see, than you are trying to see." There was no guarantee, or even a likelihood, that it was going to be comfortable. As wrenching as the response to this book may feel, this is the opportunity I asked for. This is what I said I wanted.

And I love it for that.

Poignant as it felt to me to read when I started this post, I am brought back to the assessment I offered at the beginning of it, that I wrote long before I finished reading the novel I have discussed here: What an amazing, beautiful gift of art.

In humble appreciation.

Love,

Emerald

"And if your glass heart should crack, and for a second you turn back, oh no, be strong…I know it aches and your heart it breaks…walk on…"

-U2 "Walk On"

Recommended Reading #35: Youth

      "Seven Minutes on TV, Discussing Sex In a Different Way" by Dr. Marty Klein (Sexual Culture, Parenting, Sex and Youth) 5/2009

There is a video that goes with this overview that I definitely recommend watching—the only reason I didn't make the video itself the recommendation here is because I find the aspects Dr. Klein details in this brief written overview particularly pointed and significant in regard to youth. His assertion that parents may never feel 100% comfortable speaking with their kids about sex and may thus find opportunity in learning to so even when they feel uncomfortable strikes me as invaluable and something that may not have occurred to many. In addition, the emphasis on adults' anxiety around sexuality being one of the most prominent and direct sexual threats to children resonates deeply with me.

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      "Conservatives Freak Out Over MTV's 'Skins' — Teenagers Have Sex. Get Over It." by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd ( Sex and Culture, Media, Sex and Youth) 1/24/11

I have never seen the show that is the main topic of this article, but I don't feel like I need to have to appreciate its (the article's) commentary around teenage sexuality and U.S. culture and media.

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      "The Battle Hymn of the Sexually-Sane Mother" by Susie Bright (Parenting, Psychology, Sex and Youth) 1/12/11

I find this piece on parenting and kids' health and sexuality so striking and poignant I don't even know what to say here to express it. (Thanks to Jo for the link to this in a comment on a post from Kristina Wright last month.)

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Recommended Reading posted every Wednesday

In Praise of Protection

In the United States, we are currently in the middle of National Condom Week, which is recognized in the U.S. during the the week of Valentine's Day (Februrary is National Condom Month). Thus it seemed an appropriate time to post my ode to this rubber entity I love and appreciate so much.

Several weeks ago the beautiful and inspiring Nikki Magennis initiated a series of posts honoring the condom on her blog. I deeply appreciated the sentiment and much enjoyed reading the lovely pieces, many of which were fiction flashers, she offered on the topic. (In fact, she has now created an entire blog devoted to the loveliness of the condom—check out Rubber Soul!)

During one of Nikki's posts, she linked to this piece, in which three authors discuss their respective perspectives about including the mention of condom usage in the fiction they write. The piece is specifically about M/M romance, but I myself frankly don't see distinctions either among which populations it is more appropriate to use condoms or in which genres their use is appropriately included/displayed—to me condom usage seems appropriate across the board in partnered sex unless the partners are monogamous with each other and have been STI/STD-tested*—so I read it as a general post about condom usage/mentions in fiction.

In the comments, I saw a number of assertions of something I have heard before (in regard to both erotic fiction and pornography of other media): These are "fantasies," so the realism of condom usage is not necessary and/or desired and may even seem misplaced.

I feel very differently about this. The first thing that strikes me, I think, is that I don't feel I write erotica just to write "fantasy" (this may be different in the romance genre, which the aforementioned post may have been more related to). I write it because sex interests me, and its inclusion in life is what I want to reflect in my writing—the ways sex enlightens, challenges, connects us, the plethora of sensations and emotions we feel around it, how it shows us things about ourselves, others, society. For me, the idea that I'm writing an "escape" and thus should not or would not want to include real-life concerns in what I'm writing does not resonate. To me, in fact, it feels more accurate to say the opposite would be true.

As I mentioned in the interview Ashley Lister did with me for the Erotica Readers and Writers Association, I have been carrying condoms in my purse since I started having sex. Rarely am I anywhere without them. This has of course been quite deliberate, and I have made use of condoms I'm carrying with me numerous times. Often the characters I've written have adopted this trait as well, and as I mentioned in the interview, and while some readers may find this unrealistic or "too" convenient, the first part of this paragraph may show why I do not.

It thus seems to odd to me to not include this aspect of sexuality in what I write as well. I am, as I mentioned, aiming to write about the integral nature of sexuality in life, and to me condoms are a significant part of that. Since I myself have never found condoms a "mood-killer" or any such thing, I have not aimed to portray them as such in what I've written (which is not to say one would never interpret them as such—I have no control of course over how my work is interpreted). Rather, I have mentioned them generally the same way I have experienced them in my life—matter-of-factly, as a requisite and understood aspect of sex. I myself have often found condoms sexy: they offer a protection I appreciate indescribably, and they tend to represent that I will soon be, well, having sex. :)

Also on the aforementioned post, I saw comments such as this one, from someone who posted as Tam:

Don't expect me to care about "real" characters who only act like "real" people when it's convenient and I have to ignore everything else. If I'm sitting there thinking "what kind of idiot has bareback alley sex with a stranger" I'm not thinking "that was really well written and wow, that was a funny line and I loved the description of the garbage bin."

I will admit I feel relieved to see comments like this, not because of a vested interest in regard to my own writing or because I want readers to agree with me, but rather because I have sometimes felt there has been an underlying idea permeating society that condoms somehow "aren't sexy" and aren't really important or desired or used in real sexual interaction. I find that very disturbing, and probably in large part given my history as a reproductive rights and health activist, I have tended to place a lot of importance on the open acknowledgement and embrace of condoms as an important and desirable component of modern sexual landscape. It is both because I feel no desire whatsoever to contribute to the perpetuation of the idea that condoms are "un-sexy" or "kill the mood" or somehow decrease the quality of sex in any of the depictions of sex I offer (including in video porn) as well as the simple reality I have experienced of the connection between condoms and partnered sex that leaving out the mention of them in writing erotic fiction feels jarring and inappropriate to me.

That all being said, none of this is to say any or everyone else, writer or reader, should feel the same way I do. I am simply stating my perception and experience of condom use in life and fictitious portrayal and why I have made the invariably deliberate references to condoms that I have in the writing I've done. On the subject of fiction, incidentally, I will say that applying a rule that characters must use condoms does not seem appealing to me. Characters are characters; they do what they do. To state what a character in fiction must do before the character has even been born or created (even by the author) seems dubious and intrusive to me. As Nikki said, it is not that I support any installation of such a rule; rather, I am stating why I find it appropriate to include condom use and the reference to it in sexually explicit fiction and why I have chosen to do so.

Happy belated Valentine's Day, and happy National Condom Week and Month!

Love,

Emerald

*For example, Ryan Field says in the piece about one of his written works: "Both main characters are in love, monogamous, and living happily as any other married straight couple. They've both been tested for HIV and both were negative. So it would be pointless for them to continue using condoms as a couple. I don't know any straight married couples who use condoms, so why should gay couples be any different?" I completely agree with this. He indicates that he still received reader feedback disapproving of the lack of condom usage, which does not make sense to me at all. When such aspects as monogamy and STI/STD testing have been addressed and established, then just as in life, condoms no longer seem an issue to me.

"Hey yeah, welcome to the real world, nobody told you it was gonna be hard…but then a boom shake, now I'm awake…"

-Rob Thomas "Real World '09″