Emerald's Blog, page 28
October 31, 2011
Tricks, Treats, and a Rendition With Reverence
Happy Halloween all!
Love,
Emerald
"Come with us and you will see…this is Halloween, everybody make a scene…"
-Marilyn Manson "This Is Halloween"
October 28, 2011
Happy Halloween From Bee to You!
I'm so delighted that The Erotic Woman is featuring my story "Wings and All" today, just in time for Halloween weekend! I love Halloween and am very excited about my costume this year, which I look forward to posting photos of (as I have done in previous years) after the weekend (and after, you know, construction of my costume is actually completed).
In the meantime, "Wings and All" was inspired by one of my favorite ever Halloween costumes: bee! Big thanks to The Erotic Woman for featuring this ode to one of my favorite holidays—and one of my favorite costumes! ;) Happy Halloween!
Love,
Emerald
"Do you like it?" I turned around and looked over my shoulder, sensing my fuzzy yellow feeler springs bouncing as I craned to see the back of the frilly yellow tutu. I wiggled my hips and flipped it playfully, which wasn't really necessary because it didn't cover my ass even when it was placed properly. I beamed and turned my head back around, reaching for the elastic straps at my shoulders as I prepared to take off the wings.
Before I could, I felt Justin up against me from behind.
-from "Wings and All" (originally published in Alison Tyler's anthology K Is for Kinky)
October 26, 2011
Recommended Reading #70: Politics, Pt. II
"Abstinence Sex Ed? 'I'm Baaack…'" by Dr. Marty Klein (Youth, Sexuality Education, United States Public Policy, Sex and Culture, Psychology, Self-Awareness) 10/7/11
I personally find it so important to recognize that adults who appear so fearful of and/or opposed to minors' exposure to information about sex tend to feel (directly proportionately, I would presume) fearful of/uncomfortable with sexuality themselves. In this way, the further deprivation of youth from information about sexuality is perpetrating a cycle, in this case of fear, ignorance, and inauthenticity. I appreciate voices like Dr. Klein's continuously pointing this out and support us all in recognizing this and addressing and being with our own discomforts for the service of higher consciousness for all humanity.
***
"The Hot Topic, vol. 12: The Elephant in the Bedroom" by Lana Fox (Sex and Culture, Sexual Orientation, Sexual Identity) 10/11/11
I have admittedly been known to feel amazement when I have encountered individuals whom I have experienced as not appearing aware of or finding important the realm of social issues related to or centered around sexuality to which I have devoted so much time and attention. However, I have indeed encountered such perspectives, and after the initial surprise I've felt (resultant of the relative normativeness of discussing and considering sexuality I have experienced for years), the prevalence thereof does make sense to me given the lack of openness I experience this culture as showing around sexuality. I appreciate this column from Lana expressing her view of the importance of what she calls sexual politics.
***
"Panic of the Plutocrats" by Paul Krugman (Non-sex-related, Economics, United States Public Policy, Activism) 10/9/11
I have often appreciated Mr. Krugman's commentary in the New York Times, where he is a columnist. This piece strikes me as intensely exquisite, outlining clearly, straightforwardly, and eloquently something that has seemed vaguely obvious to me but that I would not have known how to express quite so beautifully. I have often found Mr. Krugman's commentary to do exactly that, and I find solace in knowing he has such a platform via which to offer such things.
***
October 19, 2011
Reccomended Reading #69: Non-Monogamy, Pt. III
"Why I'm on the Poly Soapbox" by Angi Becker Stevens (Relationship, Activism, Self-Awareness, Sex and Culture) 8/31/11
I adore this piece. She says so much that resonates with me, both about non-monogamy itself and also about why she feels called to speaking about and advocating for it. I deeply appreciate this offering of the author's perspective.
***
"Poly Q&A: Is it normal to 'freak out' a little?" by Jade at A Poly Life (Relationship, Psychology, Sociology) 2/22/10
I find this such an even-keel, down-to-earth account of one's personal experience with polyamory that offers extrapolated guidance without ever veering into any kind of self-rigetous or overly generalizing territory (indeed the emphasis on the uniqueness of individuals and relationships is something with which I wholeheartedly agree and appreciate her allusion to). I not only find this impressive but appreciate it as well, as I agree with the author that resources and models of polyamory/non-monogamy can be quite helpful and seem in short suplly. I also love that she points out acculturated ideas like the "scarcity" model and encouragement of competitiveness in relation to cultural/coolecctive perceptions of intimate (and sometimes other) relationship.
***
"'Love' Hurts" by Selene (Relationship, Self-Awareness, Psychology, Sex and Culture) 9/30/11
I deeply adore this post. I especially appreciate her mention of the messages about what she terms "love" (in quotes) that are prominent in our culture, as well as her overall distinction between a cultural perception of "love" (again, in quotes) and love. I agree, and I still sometimes wince at the songs, movies, popular culture messages, etc., that seem to glorify what I find questionable if not downright misguided versions of interactive and relationship dynamics. And of course I adore the line that, to me, speaks one of the greatest truths of existence: "You have the love you need already deep down inside you."
***
October 12, 2011
Recommended Reading #68: Pioneering, Past and Present
"The Bold Single Bride Who Married Herself" by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Self-Love, Relationship, Self-Awareness) 9/29/11
This struck me as so lovely. The actual marriage might not be something everyone would be interested in doing, but the vowing to take care of and honor oneself strikes me as invaluable. In the specific case spotlighted, I like the way she chose to marry herself on the original day of her planned wedding rather than, as she puts it, "sulking at home all day . . . ." I find that a beautiful, novel, and, as Rachel says, inspiring idea and course of action.
***
"Tristan Taormino: The Power of Erotica" by Sinclair Sexsmith (Gender, Sexual Identity, Writing, Activism) 10/10/11
I'm very interested in the book on which this article focuses (Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, partly because I am an admirer of Tristan Taormino and partly because I feel frankly that I don't know very much about transgender issues or experience. It had already occurred to me to read this as a possible opportunity to learn, and after reading this, that seems even more salient. I love that she wanted to do something new/unusual (what has seemed, in my perception, characteristic of her) in erotica and devoted an entire anthology to this theme in order to do so and offer it representation. (I'm also interested in the language issue Tristan mentions; it's one with which I've struggled with a bit, since I know "their" is often grammatically incorrect in places where "he"/"she" would be used. I look forward to a reconciliation as such of the desired pronouns of some and grammatical correctness…which is so important to some of us. ;))
***
"Annals of Bessie Street: From Revolution to Eviction" by Susie Bright (Memoir, Activism, Sexual Orientation/Identity) 9/27/11
This struck me as an extraordinary expose of Susie Bright's old apartment, where she and her former partner once lived together and where her partner has been living since (as stated in the piece, ownership has just changed, necessitating her former partner's moving out). It goes through, in text and photos, the history of Susie's On Our Backs magazine and her life in connection with the featured apartment. Extraordinary.
***
October 5, 2011
Recommended Reading #67: Questions and Examination
"Devil's Advocate: Can Feminists Ditch the Misogyny?" by Roland Hulme (Politics, Sex and Culture, Feminism, Humanity) 10/3/11
While I personally have tended to not take issue with particular words in and of themselves ("cunt," for example, seems to me to mean what one interprets of it…it is a reference to a part of the female anatomy, and as such I do not find the word offensive. "Slut" similarly does not offend me at all, as I do not know of an actual definition of it, and if it is used as an attempt to judge my or someone else's consensual sexual behavior, I find such judgment inappropriate and irrelevant such that the word holds no substance as an insult for me)—the point I interpret the author as making about the context, energy, or intent behind the use of the words in question seems to me well taken. I have noticed before instances when certain standards, such as those professed by the author to be cornerstones of feminism in having been customarily derided as perpetrated degradingly against women, have been overlooked, overturned, or disregarded if they are "used" upon a purported enemy. I too have found this unacceptable and disheartening, and as such I appreciate what I perceive to be the author's contention. Most especially, slut-shaming because the individual is someone one dislikes or perceives to be on the "other side" of a given issue or spectrum strikes me as universally unjustified and abominable (and only hurting any cause of feminism or open appreciation of sexuality).
***
"Apple, labor, technology, consumer responsibility and The Agony and The Ecstasy of Steve Jobs" by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Non-sex-related, Global Economy, Technology, Labor Rights) 10/2/11
Two things I appreciate deeply about this post are 1) that it brings up a subject many of us probably have not considered or have preferred not to dwell on due to the discomfort or helplessness it brings up and 2) that it asks questions without purporting to have the answer(s) to them. I feel similarly about not knowing the answer(s), and I appreciate the reminder about this realm of existence in our modern economic and technological world.
***
"An Evolving View of Natural Family Planning" by Mark Oppenheimer (Family Planning, Reproductive Rights, Public Policy) 7/8/11
Despite the content of this article revolving around issues in which I have taken considerable interest, what I find probably most striking and compelling about it is the degree to which the perspectives of the couple in question changed. Particularly since what is being discussed has often been seen as a controversial issue, to observe a turnabout in perspective and subsequent rescinding of something that was previously postulated seems an interesting phenomenon and experience to me separate from what the actual subject or respective perspectives are. In the case at hand, I admittedly appreciate the recognition of both individuals of the potential desirability and/or benefits of various methods of contraception and the rescinding by Mr. Torode, as evidenced in the quote that ends the article, of postulating that there is a single approach that everyone should be required to follow.
***
October 3, 2011
One of My Favorite Cities, with One of My Favorite Communities
The Strip in Las Vegas!
I have now taken so long to blog about this that I've traveled in the meantime to two other events that I am also behind on blogging about! But first things first (and more travel tales/posts to come). It's time to talk about Las Vegas. :)
The short version is, I had an extraordinary and amazing time in Las Vegas at the Erotic Authors Association conference. But it is the long version that I have taken weeks to post here, and it thus follows shortly. I want to say first, though, that there are a number of great write-ups already out there from others who attended the conference (and blogged about it a lot more promptly than I, obviously)—they have been compiled by the utterly lovely Jade, whom I had the pleasure of meeting during the weekend, on her blog, Pieces of Jade. And do also check out the article the lovely Lynn Comella wrote about the conference for her column at the Las Vegas Weekly!
Okay, on to my own account…the truth is, I have felt exceptionally busy lately in a way I've found somewhat draining and disorienting. I moved in with at the end of July, and since then I have left for previously-scheduled out of town trips five times. I have enjoyed and appreciated them, to be sure—it's just that I'm also trying to unpack and organize and get a house in order, and the commute I had to one of the jobs I hold and some of the other places I regularly visit has approximately doubled, making some days include about four hours of driving.
So the fact is that right before I left for Las Vegas for the EAA conference, I felt some degree of trepidation. I didn't really want to go out of town again, even though I felt excitement about the conference, and I was looking for an opportunity to just stay in one place for a while and put together my part of the house in which I'm now living. That's one reason my trip was scheduled to be so short—I spent almost exactly 48 hours in Las Vegas. (Vegas, incidentally, is one of my favorite places I've ever been, so despite feeling what I just described, it did feel strange to not jump at the chance to spend extended time there!)
The degree to which I enjoyed the EAA conference blew any and all such concerns straight out of my consciousness. From the second I arrived, I was reminded of my intense love affair with Las Vegas, and as soon as I stepped foot in the hotel after a cab ride with a driver I found utterly delightful, I got to go up and see the extraordinary Tess Danesi, who had generously offered to let me share her room. Seeing her (and being her roommate for the weekend) was a complete delight, and my experience of the conference never fell below that introductory level of loveliness the entire the time I was there. To be candid, incidentally, I have tended to feel some wariness about sharing living quarters with people, and I experienced no such discomfort at all rooming with Tess. I could not have asked for a more enchanting lodging arrangement. :)
On that note, the thing I probably enjoyed most about the conference was one of the main reasons I went—which was to meet and interact with in person so many of the writers I've known or met online. I met or got to see loads of people with whom I was delighted to spend time, including (but not limited to as I will probably forget some) Andrea Dale—who is even more awesome in person than she is online—Aisling Weaver, Jean Roberta, Jolie du Pre, K D Grace, Sharazade, and Kathleen Bradean—who, of course, was in charge of this weekend-long shindig and is due much credit for her organizing and leadership in bringing it to fruition (big thanks Kathleen!).
I met some people I had not known or interacted with previously, like Siobhan Muir (with whom I look forward to doing an interview in a couple months when Best Erotic Romance comes out!), the aforementioned Jade Melisande, and Remittance Girl. And I got to see people I'd already had the pleasure of meeting in person and was thrilled to see again, like Tess, Rachel Kramer Bussel, D. L. King, Susana Mayer, Lara Riscol, and Lynn Comella. All of which was worth making the trip in and of itself!
In particular, in addition to the beautiful experience of sharing a room with Tess, whom I found a truly stellar roommate, I got to spend extended time, or more than I usually have before, with Rachel (Kramer Bussel), which was a real treat (ha—that reminds me of her story "Vegas Treat"!). And at the closing cocktail reception I approached Graydancer, whom I'd found compellingly intriguing during the panel of which he'd been a part and also while he had tied up Sharazade during the reception. Meeting him was one of the more extraordinary and memorable experiences I'd had in a while, and I feel gratitude to have had the opportunity.
Also at the closing reception on Saturday, I met the legendary M. Christian. I was pleased to have the opportunity to share with him that his was one of the first names I remember encountering and appreciating years ago when I discovered the Erotica Readers and Writers Association (Ashley Lister's is the other one) and that I had particularly appreciated his offering on how to write a cover letter. I was pleasantly shocked when he pulled out a copy of his book How to Write and Sell Erotica and graciously offered it to me! I began reading it on the airplane home and so appreciate this generous gesture on his part.
Susana Mayer, proprietor of The Erotic Literary Salon in Philadelphia (the destination of my second travel trip in September) brought the Salon on tour in Las Vegas, and she and Rachel Kramer Bussel co-hosted the respective reading event at the Erotic Heritage Museum—an environment which seemed to me exquisite for an erotic reading. More than 20 authors read for up to five minutes each from their or others' work, and it was one of my favorite events of the weekend. Huge thanks to Susana and Rachel for organizing and to all who read! Below is a video of my reading from the evening, of an edited version of my story "Cougar," which is published at the Good Vibrations Magazine (thanks to Tess for taping me!):
I also did a reading during the final session time slot of the conference on Saturday. Due probably to other sessions occurring at the same time, there were only seven of us in the room, and I ended up finding it an exquisitely intimate and resonant environment. I extend thanks for this to the other beautiful writers and audience members that were there, and incidentally, it was due to the response I perceived from what I read that I chose to read that story in its entirety a few weeks later at Essensuality—my third and final out-of-town trip in September. (More on that in a later post.)
I did not know until I was already in Las Vegas that SlutWalk Las Vegas was occurring the Saturday night we were there. I was thrilled by this for a number of reasons: 1) I support SlutWalk; 2) it meant I would get to attend it with fabulous people whom I adore; and 3) when SlutWalk DC happened back in August, I was out of town and thus didn't get to go. So I was delighted by the opportunity to get to attend one somewhere, this somewhere happening to be one of my favorite cities!
I profoundly enjoyed SlutWalk even though I had to skip out early to catch a cab along the Strip to go back to our hotel to pack up to leave for the airport (my flight back was a redeye Saturday night to Sunday morning). Despite that, though, I feel so much gratitude for having had the opportunity to attend SlutWalk in Las Vegas in the magnificent and extraordinary company of Tess, Rachel, Lara Riscol, and Susana Mayer.
For having felt the least bit of hesitance about going the day my flight to Vegas was to leave, the delight, energy, and gratitude I felt upon exiting the conference (and the city) was as striking to me as the glitz and brilliance of the Strip itself. I experienced a particular degree/aura of solidarity at the conference, which I have not infrequently experienced in circles attending overtly and openly to sexuality (I perceived a similar sense of cohesion at MOMENTUM in April). In this case, for me, there was the extra dynamic of being surrounded by mostly writers, something I have also tended to find intangibly resonant.
I felt a strange, pulling sadness as I left Las Vegas that Saturday night. I am not sure exactly why—I suspect there was something more involved than I was conscious of, more than simply the leaving of a city I love and interactions with people I felt profoundly heartened, appreciative, and delighted to meet and/or spend time with. It made sense that I would feel some degree of nostalgia as such, but not quite with the intensity I experienced. I appreciate the simultaneous curiosity and acceptance I feel around that.
At the airport, I tuned my iPod to the album Flamingo by Brandon Flowers, who grew up in Vegas and wrote the album not only about the city but also about the very hotel in which we stayed and after which the album is named. I've experienced the tone of that album as complementary to the way I felt, and I listened to it until I was seated on the plane and asked to turn all electronic devices off.
I extend heartfelt thanks to Kathleen Bradean, D. L. King, Jolie du Pre, and all others who helped with the planning and execution of the conference. I thank all who attended, especially those I got to meet, watch present, and/or enjoy spending time with. Last but not least, I extend thanks in general to all the erotica writers I know and love, including those who weren't at the conference (who were greatly missed!) but with whom I have developed connections I so deeply appreciate and treasure. I love this community so much.
Love,
Emerald
"Welcome to fabulous Las Vegas, give us your dreamers, your harlots, and your sins…"
-Brandon Flowers "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas"
September 28, 2011
Recommended Reading #66: Self-Awareness, Pt. II
"Lonely Poly" by Selene (Sex and Spirituality, Non-Monogamy, Memoir) 8/17/11
This may be one of the most beautiful and resonant things I have read. The self-awareness, gratitude, awakeness I perceive in it move me deeply, probably in large part because I personally relate to so much of it—I suspect it is also, though, because those things just seem to emanate from the author in the writing of this piece, above and beyond the piece's content. Beautiful.
***
"Deep In the Valley: Going to a Porn Shoot" by Dr. Marty Klein (Pornography, Sex Work, Sex and Culture) 8/29/11
I love this "inside look" at a porn shoot. Having worked in porn myself, I felt/feel exactly the same way I interpret Dr. Klein as describing here–that it's a job and not particularly different from other things people do as jobs. I too do not and did not understand the "big deal" that seems to drive some perspectives that seem so vehemently opposed to or concerned about pornography. I also really, really like Marty's evocation of the viewer's contribution to porn being of considerable significance to the experience of it, which strikes me as highly insightful and is what, to me, makes this piece relate to self-awareness.
***
"The Alkie and the Chicken Vendor" by John DeVore (Non-sex-related, Addiction, Memoir) 4/21/11
While this seems to me to be written with an undertone of humor, my reading of it focused on more of what I interpreted as the poignant challenge and self-awareness of what the author reveals. That the piece seems to me imbued with both indicates skillful writing, but it also struck me as personal and expressive in a way I found unavoidably moving. I wish the author all the best.
***
September 23, 2011
Essensuality in New York City This Saturday!
I am remiss in not having blogged yet about the Erotic Authors Association conference in Las Vegas two weeks ago (seriously, I can hardly believe it was already that long ago)—more about how busy I have felt in that actual post when it gets up, but in the meantime, I want to announce that I'm very excited to be a featured performer at Monica Day's Essensuality this Saturday in New York City! I've heard a lot about this event of Monica's, and I'm honored to be invited to participate.
For the beautiful description and more details about Essensuality, see this page at Monica's site, and tickets for this Saturday's Essensuality may be purchased here. The event starts at 9:00 p.m. at the Wow Cafe Theatre at 59 E. 4th Street, New York City. Last I heard, there were still a few coveted spots left for the open mic portion, so any and all interested parties should email Monica at monica at thesensuallife dot com.
There's a chance I might actually get my post up about Las Vegas before I go, but if not, it will be coming soon afterward. :) In the meantime, if you're in New York City on Saturday, please stop by and join us for an extraordinary evening at Essensuality!
Love,
Emerald
"Come in closer, oh come feel the love on the inside, electric current in my veins lets me know I'm alive…"
-Sugarland "Wide Open"
September 21, 2011
Recommended Reading #65: SlutWalk
"SlutWalks and the future of feminism" by Jessica Valenti (Feminism, Activism) 6/3/11
Fresh from my own experience at SlutWalk Las Vegas (truly, I hope to blog about the Las Vegas trip soon), this piece reminds me of what I appreciated and found energizing about it as well as what I have appreciated about SlutWalk from the time I first heard about it. I found the observation and exploration in this piece interesting on the subjects of feminism, activism, and social change, and I feel Jessica outlines well what SlutWalk is about and what its potential significance to human society may be.
***
SlutWalk NYC Frequently Asked Questions (Sociology, Psychology, Self-Awareness, Gender) 2011
The Frequently Asked Questions at SlutWalk NYC (occurring October 1, 2011) is one of the most comprehensive things I've seen about SlutWalk in addition to striking me as thoughtful, extensive, incisive, and relevant in the discussion around the things I understand SlutWalk to be about. (Thanks to Rachel Kramer Bussel for the link.)
***
"SlutWalks v. Ho Strolls" at The Crunk Feminist Collective (Feminism, Race, Activism) 5/23/11
For perhaps the first time, I'm including in Recommended Reading a piece with which I don't know whether I feel full agreement. I do feel that I have heard of dissenting perspectives about SlutWalk, and while some of them I feel solidly that I a do not agree with (Gail Dines', et. al), perspectives about race and the word "slut" are an area where I have felt interested in the dissent and frankly do not feel fully informed or understanding. Thus, while I don't feel I necessarily agree with what is said in this post, that is largely because I do not feel in an informed enough position about what is being said to even know whether I agree with it or not. (There is no arguing that my experience in this lifetime has been white, privileged, and middle-class.) Basically, I appreciate the sincerity I sense in the presentation of this piece, and while I think I personally feel that SlutWalk is bigger than the word "slut" and thus does have far more universal implications than what I interpret as being raised or objected to here, the piece seems to offer a perspective I do find worthwhile to hear in a discussion and appreciation of SlutWalk and attendant perspectives and implications.
***
