Jonny Cox's Blog, page 6
July 12, 2013
The Boss' Wife
A Brigadier that I used to work for called by my office yesterday to tell me how much he'd enjoyed The Trouble With Girls. I was flattered that he'd made the effort to come see me, specifically to talk about my book. I was also flattered that he was so effusive about the book; it's not very positive about the army and writing such a confessional memoir does leave you a bit exposed (so to speak).
"My wife's just started reading it," he said. I was again flattered but also rather cautious. It's not necessarilly a good thing that your boss' wife knows you were into group sex or shagging on the officers' mess dining room table. Still, I only did it once and he gave his wife the book so it's not really my responsibility. Is it?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Trouble-W...
"My wife's just started reading it," he said. I was again flattered but also rather cautious. It's not necessarilly a good thing that your boss' wife knows you were into group sex or shagging on the officers' mess dining room table. Still, I only did it once and he gave his wife the book so it's not really my responsibility. Is it?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Trouble-W...
May 22, 2013
Burger Bar Dad
I have just started reading this book which is about a father's attempts to maintain a functioning relationship with his son against the toxic relationship he has with his estranged wife.
I'm enjoying the book a great deal, it's well written in a journalistic style which makes for easy reading, despite the difficult subject matter. The strain caused by the relationship triangle is evident and I find myself empathising and sympathising with the central character a little too closely; I'm balancing similar frictions myself.
As I am reading the narrative, I am conscious that there are very few books of this sort on the market. Bookshelves and websites are filled with titles about how women have to cope with dilettante men, or struggling to find a committed man in the first place, but there is almost nothing about the aftermath of a woman's betrayal, about why some women turn their back on family life because the reality of it doesn't somehow meet their expectations. Tony Parsons has flirted with the issues but not really developed them.
I'm only thirty pages into this book but already it is influencing my attitude, affecting the way I engage with my sons and try a bit harder to accommodate my wife's random behaviour in order to preserve their veneer of family life. This book will also influence the sequel to my own book because King Solomon was right, it is better to live in the wilderness than with a contentious woman: Proverbs; 21.19.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
I'm enjoying the book a great deal, it's well written in a journalistic style which makes for easy reading, despite the difficult subject matter. The strain caused by the relationship triangle is evident and I find myself empathising and sympathising with the central character a little too closely; I'm balancing similar frictions myself.
As I am reading the narrative, I am conscious that there are very few books of this sort on the market. Bookshelves and websites are filled with titles about how women have to cope with dilettante men, or struggling to find a committed man in the first place, but there is almost nothing about the aftermath of a woman's betrayal, about why some women turn their back on family life because the reality of it doesn't somehow meet their expectations. Tony Parsons has flirted with the issues but not really developed them.
I'm only thirty pages into this book but already it is influencing my attitude, affecting the way I engage with my sons and try a bit harder to accommodate my wife's random behaviour in order to preserve their veneer of family life. This book will also influence the sequel to my own book because King Solomon was right, it is better to live in the wilderness than with a contentious woman: Proverbs; 21.19.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
May 13, 2013
Be Careful What You Wish For.
A young colleague came into my office this morning with a copy of my book for me to sign. I was flattered, of course, but a little reticent since he wanted me to address it to him and his wife.
"Are you sure your wife would want a personal copy of this book; there's some fairly extreme propositions in it?"
"That's okay," he said enthusiastically, "she might like them." His smile suggested he wants her to like the notions in the book. Perhaps he wants her to dress up as Violet the scullery maid, or Lara Croft the adventuress. Perhaps giving her my book is his way of telling her that he wants to spice things up a bit. This is surely what Fifty Shades seems to have done (although sadly not for me).
But, as I recounted in the book, one should be careful what you wish for because there's a good chance that his wife will read the book and indeed want to explore some of the ideas therein. How would my young colleague feel if his wife reads the book and says:
"Darling, why don't we invite your best friend around this weekend...?"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
"Are you sure your wife would want a personal copy of this book; there's some fairly extreme propositions in it?"
"That's okay," he said enthusiastically, "she might like them." His smile suggested he wants her to like the notions in the book. Perhaps he wants her to dress up as Violet the scullery maid, or Lara Croft the adventuress. Perhaps giving her my book is his way of telling her that he wants to spice things up a bit. This is surely what Fifty Shades seems to have done (although sadly not for me).
But, as I recounted in the book, one should be careful what you wish for because there's a good chance that his wife will read the book and indeed want to explore some of the ideas therein. How would my young colleague feel if his wife reads the book and says:
"Darling, why don't we invite your best friend around this weekend...?"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
May 7, 2013
Is Love a Veneer?
I have recently moved into a new office which I share with another guy. His workspace is adorned with pictures of his wife and family. He talks fondly of them and it appeared to be a relationship you want to emulate. Sadly, I recently found out that he’s biffing a colleague and his marriage has collapsed.
Coincidentally, I also met up with an old colleague and friend with whom I worked ten years ago. We got married at the same time. Her relationship has also recently collapsed.
At the weekend I watched a movie called Ted. It’s a story about a living miscreant of a teddy bear and his friend and the pressure that this creates with his long term girlfriend; it’s a him-or-me type drama. Eventually it all works out and the fiancée is able to accommodate her boyfriend’s friendship with a dope smoking, hard drinking, whore-mongering teddy. But real life is not like that. I had a collection of teddies when I met my wife and she chided them until we got married. Then they went to a charity shop; I hope they made some kid happy somewhere. My panda bear was my best pal. I even wrote him a poem:
‘He’s as old as me, my teddy;
A truly devoted friend.
Never moaning nor complaining,
And always an ear to lend.
I was just a kid when I wrote this although I kept the panda bear teddy into adulthood but in the real world, there’s no room for three people in a grown up relationship (not permanently at least) and my new wife was jealous.
I suppose it didn’t help that the rest of the teddy bear collection was compiled of presents from ex-lovers but Hollywood always makes relationships successful, no matter what complications are thrown in. My experience, personal and vicarious, is that love is shallow and conditional and only in Hollywood is it anything other than a veneer.
Perhaps that’s it. That’s what people want to believe, that love is enduring, forgiving and waiting around the next corner so despite having a foul mouthed teddy or sadistic boyfriend, or chronic illness, love will shine through. Maybe I should give my books a ridiculously happy ending so people will get a feel-good glow when they finish reading them, even though they know it can’t be true.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Trouble-Wit...
Incidentally, Panda is still living secretly in my cupboard.
Coincidentally, I also met up with an old colleague and friend with whom I worked ten years ago. We got married at the same time. Her relationship has also recently collapsed.
At the weekend I watched a movie called Ted. It’s a story about a living miscreant of a teddy bear and his friend and the pressure that this creates with his long term girlfriend; it’s a him-or-me type drama. Eventually it all works out and the fiancée is able to accommodate her boyfriend’s friendship with a dope smoking, hard drinking, whore-mongering teddy. But real life is not like that. I had a collection of teddies when I met my wife and she chided them until we got married. Then they went to a charity shop; I hope they made some kid happy somewhere. My panda bear was my best pal. I even wrote him a poem:
‘He’s as old as me, my teddy;
A truly devoted friend.
Never moaning nor complaining,
And always an ear to lend.
I was just a kid when I wrote this although I kept the panda bear teddy into adulthood but in the real world, there’s no room for three people in a grown up relationship (not permanently at least) and my new wife was jealous.
I suppose it didn’t help that the rest of the teddy bear collection was compiled of presents from ex-lovers but Hollywood always makes relationships successful, no matter what complications are thrown in. My experience, personal and vicarious, is that love is shallow and conditional and only in Hollywood is it anything other than a veneer.
Perhaps that’s it. That’s what people want to believe, that love is enduring, forgiving and waiting around the next corner so despite having a foul mouthed teddy or sadistic boyfriend, or chronic illness, love will shine through. Maybe I should give my books a ridiculously happy ending so people will get a feel-good glow when they finish reading them, even though they know it can’t be true.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Trouble-Wit...
Incidentally, Panda is still living secretly in my cupboard.
April 29, 2013
Herding Cats
I am trying to organise a 'Book Bash'. This is an idea I had to get local writers together reading their work in a pub with a judging panel of the local bookstore manager, the pub manager and the editor of the local press. There would be a 'Chief Sneak' to lead the booing if an author goes over their allotted ten minutes or uses bad language. I hoped that this would excite some media interest in local authors with a long term view of wider publicity for our books.
It was all going well. The bookstore manager, the pub manager and the authors could all see the merit in this and were excited by it, they said. I was about to engage local media outlets and make the final arrangements but the awkward question of money came to prominence.
The bookstore manager needs to run sales through her tills to justify their involvement and I feel we need their sponsorship to make the event look professional. The authors, however, see it otherwise. They want to 'maximise' profit by selling direct, even though they acknowledge that more than a few sales on the night are very unlikely.
One author has gone off in a huff, another seems to be convinced he can get his wife to flog his books (poor woman), and I am left feeling like I am trying to herd together a gang of feral cats; all hissing and jumping about in anger.
I suppose what I am actually doing is managing ego, trying to accommodate everyone's interests and realise their expectations. In reality, the only person guaranteed to profit from the evening is the pub manager who will sell more beer than he would expect on a quiet Monday night.
Maybe I should do that instead.
It was all going well. The bookstore manager, the pub manager and the authors could all see the merit in this and were excited by it, they said. I was about to engage local media outlets and make the final arrangements but the awkward question of money came to prominence.
The bookstore manager needs to run sales through her tills to justify their involvement and I feel we need their sponsorship to make the event look professional. The authors, however, see it otherwise. They want to 'maximise' profit by selling direct, even though they acknowledge that more than a few sales on the night are very unlikely.
One author has gone off in a huff, another seems to be convinced he can get his wife to flog his books (poor woman), and I am left feeling like I am trying to herd together a gang of feral cats; all hissing and jumping about in anger.
I suppose what I am actually doing is managing ego, trying to accommodate everyone's interests and realise their expectations. In reality, the only person guaranteed to profit from the evening is the pub manager who will sell more beer than he would expect on a quiet Monday night.
Maybe I should do that instead.
April 15, 2013
Riding The Train To Nowhere
I met friends in London last night and it occurred to me on the way home on the tube that a way of advertising my book would be to sit there, going nowhere, and read it, laughing out loud, and feigning uncontrollable mirth.
People don't talk on the tube. They secure themselves in an invisible, impenetrable bubble but occasionally interlopers who are not concerned with the unwritten rule of underground transport do break the silence and force the commuters around them to acknowledge their presence.
Often these folk are drunk or mad, or madly in love with the person next to them, but on rare occasions I have seen people laughing at a book or magazine and the sheer audacity of a person who dares to be having fun on the tube attracts the interest of those around them.
That might cause interest in The Trouble With Girls. It might also get me arrested by the fun inspectors.
People don't talk on the tube. They secure themselves in an invisible, impenetrable bubble but occasionally interlopers who are not concerned with the unwritten rule of underground transport do break the silence and force the commuters around them to acknowledge their presence.
Often these folk are drunk or mad, or madly in love with the person next to them, but on rare occasions I have seen people laughing at a book or magazine and the sheer audacity of a person who dares to be having fun on the tube attracts the interest of those around them.
That might cause interest in The Trouble With Girls. It might also get me arrested by the fun inspectors.
April 11, 2013
Gathering Support
Even John Grisham is quoted as saying how difficult it is to market your book. When I began this journey I naively assumed that if I wrote a good book it would be published and gain credibility leading to sales; cause and effect.
But life is not like that. Of the fifteen people who have publicly reviewed my first book, all but one rated it quite highly, giving it four or five stars. The one person who didn’t enthuse about it still gave it three stars and called it an ‘interesting tale’ but then he went off piste and wrote about his dislike for women who work in marketing. As far as I can tell, the book has thus far sold about a hundred copies, which means there are 85 people who have read it, but who have not written a review.
So, how do you sell your book? I’ve read about authors who have staged public order incidents at their book signings to gain notoriety, authors who have been photographed in bikinis, with no real relevance to their book, for some (literary) exposure, and authors who have toured the country doing book signings and selling three or four copies at a time. None of these options appeal to me. I certainly don’t look good in a bikini although I suppose such exposure might open up a new market; I wonder if I’d have to shave my chest.
The book has been very positively reviewed in a national magazine for the army. It has been publicised, but not reviewed, in smaller journals and I have touted it to online communities to the extent that people are impervious to its merits. I have also sent soft copies to a few folk hoping they’ll fall in love with it such that they’ll tell the world. But it hasn’t happened yet.
I did one book signing which resulted in 10 copies sold and received local media exposure which resulted in at least another 20 copies being ordered so it would seem an event which gives the press reason to be interested is the way ahead.
I wonder if my wife’s bikini still fits me…
But life is not like that. Of the fifteen people who have publicly reviewed my first book, all but one rated it quite highly, giving it four or five stars. The one person who didn’t enthuse about it still gave it three stars and called it an ‘interesting tale’ but then he went off piste and wrote about his dislike for women who work in marketing. As far as I can tell, the book has thus far sold about a hundred copies, which means there are 85 people who have read it, but who have not written a review.
So, how do you sell your book? I’ve read about authors who have staged public order incidents at their book signings to gain notoriety, authors who have been photographed in bikinis, with no real relevance to their book, for some (literary) exposure, and authors who have toured the country doing book signings and selling three or four copies at a time. None of these options appeal to me. I certainly don’t look good in a bikini although I suppose such exposure might open up a new market; I wonder if I’d have to shave my chest.
The book has been very positively reviewed in a national magazine for the army. It has been publicised, but not reviewed, in smaller journals and I have touted it to online communities to the extent that people are impervious to its merits. I have also sent soft copies to a few folk hoping they’ll fall in love with it such that they’ll tell the world. But it hasn’t happened yet.
I did one book signing which resulted in 10 copies sold and received local media exposure which resulted in at least another 20 copies being ordered so it would seem an event which gives the press reason to be interested is the way ahead.
I wonder if my wife’s bikini still fits me…
March 25, 2013
Solomon Was Right
I have unexpectedly become reacquainted with an old duvet set I bought over 20 years ago when I was single. It is like an old friend; warm and familiar and we go back a long way. Indeed, the duvet has survived two marriages and numerous inconsequential affairs and it still loves me, keeps me warm at night.
I am in the spare room now, in the bed I had before marriage dictated I got a bigger bed. It's not so long ago that I used to tie my wife to the metal bed frame and play with her for hours. That was if we made it past the kitchen table. That is all very much in the past now and I am surprised at how quickly my wife has adapted to this situation. I suppose she has been thinking about it for a while and preparing herself. Counselling is not even on the agenda, she just does not want to play. How fickle can a woman be; ten years of relationship just pushed aside?
For the time being, I shall stay in the house and live with my boys to protect them from their toxic grandmother and increasingly difficult mother. Also, the cost of two houses necessitates this plan. We would have had a nice, large detached house with no mortgage but now we’ll both be living in different small houses which are mortgaged to the roof. I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this.
But, as I said, it provides the sequel. I was going to call it 'Taming the Beast'; the basic premise being that love can endure and help two people overcome adversity by working together. That's clearly bollocks, though, so I'm now going to call the sequel 'King Solomon Was Right: it is better to live in the wilderness than with an angry woman.' Proverbs: Ch21, v19.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
I am in the spare room now, in the bed I had before marriage dictated I got a bigger bed. It's not so long ago that I used to tie my wife to the metal bed frame and play with her for hours. That was if we made it past the kitchen table. That is all very much in the past now and I am surprised at how quickly my wife has adapted to this situation. I suppose she has been thinking about it for a while and preparing herself. Counselling is not even on the agenda, she just does not want to play. How fickle can a woman be; ten years of relationship just pushed aside?
For the time being, I shall stay in the house and live with my boys to protect them from their toxic grandmother and increasingly difficult mother. Also, the cost of two houses necessitates this plan. We would have had a nice, large detached house with no mortgage but now we’ll both be living in different small houses which are mortgaged to the roof. I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this.
But, as I said, it provides the sequel. I was going to call it 'Taming the Beast'; the basic premise being that love can endure and help two people overcome adversity by working together. That's clearly bollocks, though, so I'm now going to call the sequel 'King Solomon Was Right: it is better to live in the wilderness than with an angry woman.' Proverbs: Ch21, v19.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
March 21, 2013
Never Ending Trouble.
I thought that my trouble with girls ended when I got married eight years ago. But when my wife said ‘I just don’t feel a connection with you anymore’, I realised that there was more to come.
My wife had been away for a week’s holiday whilst I stayed home to look after our three sons and 48 hours after getting home she was out socialising until 3am whilst I looked after our sons and another child whose mother was out with my wife and then on Sunday afternoon I was looking after our three sons again, simultaneously doing lunch, homework and the laundry, whilst my wife was lying on the sofa with a hangover.
“I'm bored of this,” I said and my wife went schizo, telling me she needed a day off because I don’t do enough around the house; the kitchen floor was dirty. “Really? I don’t do enough despite having looked after our three sons whilst you were on holiday, etc, etc. Looking at it from a different perspective, why would you expect me to clean the kitchen floor whilst you’re sat by the pool or going on elephant safari?”
That’s when I called her a ‘mad, mad woman’. It was not well received but it felt good to say it.
We had a talk. My wife blames my worsening medical condition, which is disingenuous because I was diagnosed before we got married. It seems to be just an excuse; my wife has taken everything she wanted from the marriage and now has no need of me, other than paying the bills, of course.
It feels like a job dismissal, although employment legislation dictates that you should have several warnings. But it seems that I have been dismissed from marriage for the singular offence of not cleaning the kitchen floor whilst my wife was sat by the pool.
She has suggested that we carry on living together for the sake of our children. I can see that it would be the better option, in the short term at least. Moreover, it means that if I leave, the break up of our family would therefore be my fault, even though it is my wife who has ended the marriage.
‘Men may cheat, but to really screw someone over, you need a woman’s treachery - The Trouble With Girls.’
In some respects it is quite liberating. I get to make the decisions now and I don’t have to wander round the house trying not to cause an argument.
I could write a play about this. It certainly provides the ending to the sequel of the book.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
My wife had been away for a week’s holiday whilst I stayed home to look after our three sons and 48 hours after getting home she was out socialising until 3am whilst I looked after our sons and another child whose mother was out with my wife and then on Sunday afternoon I was looking after our three sons again, simultaneously doing lunch, homework and the laundry, whilst my wife was lying on the sofa with a hangover.
“I'm bored of this,” I said and my wife went schizo, telling me she needed a day off because I don’t do enough around the house; the kitchen floor was dirty. “Really? I don’t do enough despite having looked after our three sons whilst you were on holiday, etc, etc. Looking at it from a different perspective, why would you expect me to clean the kitchen floor whilst you’re sat by the pool or going on elephant safari?”
That’s when I called her a ‘mad, mad woman’. It was not well received but it felt good to say it.
We had a talk. My wife blames my worsening medical condition, which is disingenuous because I was diagnosed before we got married. It seems to be just an excuse; my wife has taken everything she wanted from the marriage and now has no need of me, other than paying the bills, of course.
It feels like a job dismissal, although employment legislation dictates that you should have several warnings. But it seems that I have been dismissed from marriage for the singular offence of not cleaning the kitchen floor whilst my wife was sat by the pool.
She has suggested that we carry on living together for the sake of our children. I can see that it would be the better option, in the short term at least. Moreover, it means that if I leave, the break up of our family would therefore be my fault, even though it is my wife who has ended the marriage.
‘Men may cheat, but to really screw someone over, you need a woman’s treachery - The Trouble With Girls.’
In some respects it is quite liberating. I get to make the decisions now and I don’t have to wander round the house trying not to cause an argument.
I could write a play about this. It certainly provides the ending to the sequel of the book.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
March 9, 2013
Girls never say what they mean.
All my life one of the main troubles I've had with girls is understanding female communication; interpreting the subtleties of tone, body language, etc.
"The trouble with girls is that they never say what they mean." It's the premise of my book.
But, when your wife is about to go away for a week and is more interested in painting her toe nails than kissing you good bye as you go to work, what are you supposed to think? Surely she must know how that seems, which means she's either doing it on purpose or she doesn't care? I don't know which is worse.
Recently, this blog seems to have become a litany of my problems and it was not intended for this. I'm sorry about that but grateful for the chance to vent; it's very cathartic.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
"The trouble with girls is that they never say what they mean." It's the premise of my book.
But, when your wife is about to go away for a week and is more interested in painting her toe nails than kissing you good bye as you go to work, what are you supposed to think? Surely she must know how that seems, which means she's either doing it on purpose or she doesn't care? I don't know which is worse.
Recently, this blog seems to have become a litany of my problems and it was not intended for this. I'm sorry about that but grateful for the chance to vent; it's very cathartic.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...
