Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 62

Saddest Fake Pet Toy

I’ve always found butterflies woefully wanting in the rushing-to-the-door-to-wecome-you-home department, and there are exactly zero memes devoted to the cuddliness of lepidoptera. So…whats’ with the fake ones? In a jar!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Alt Kimono

Give granny a heart attack with a Coming-Of-Age kimono that shows as much leg as your old schoolgirl uniform, bares a shoulder and some black-lace-edged cleavage, or cinches everything together with a corset instead of an obi! Last Sunday was the day all 20-year-olds officially become adults, but not everybody donned traditional maidenly garb to celebrate their ability to legally buy booze. Ageha magazine dished up mini-kimonos, deco kimonos, Spanish kimonos and even gangsta kimonos, so devoted Shibuya gals could continue to outrage their parents.

Rhinestone trim and blood-red lilies for her, blingy golden dragon hakama for him, and badass glitter “tattoos” for all, make a gangsta’s coming-of-age a day to remember.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Wooden Origami

Craving a cherry crane or a pine penguin? Or maybe you’ve always wanted to fold a walnut helmet! Yep, this origami is actually made from paper-thin slices of wood! You can get your very own pack of super sheer veneer from (where else?) Tokyu Hands, on the lumber floor. (It has always amazed me that they have a lumber floor. Like, in addition to origami squares, you can buy any kind of wood there, and have it cut down to a size that is carry-able on the subway!)

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Rice Of Unbearable Cuteness

Although digging into this adorable bunny-shaped rice might be a bit like steeling yourself to whack the head off a Bambi piñata, who can resist making boring old curry into a dish of overwhelming cuteness? This handy rice mold set also includes a fork-a-baby-dolphin-to-death design and the rather more humane sunflower model.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. No bunnies or dolphins were harmed in the writing of this blog post.

Breakfast For Dessert

In Japan, fish, rice and a shot of slimy mozuku seaweed are what appear bright and early on the breakfast table, and the dessert menu is where you’ll find french toast-flavored ice cream and pancakes topped with super-sweet chestnut puree and whipped cream!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Street Fightin’ Yakuza Action Figures

More than meets the eye! For hours of happy crime spree play, nothing can beat the thug rangers! Your platinum-haired chinpira will pinch Barbie’s car before she can squeal “math is hard,” the mirror-shaded loan shark can hit Ken up anytime, anywhere, for that gambling debt plus interest, and even GI Joe had better watch out for the seven-foot-tall enforcer with the punch perm.

And that guy in the horse mask? Let’s just say the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles better turn shell and run if they find themselves on his turf…

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Naturally, these are available at Tokyu Hands! I saw them at the Ikebukuro store.

Piggy Zapper

If you should happen to find yourself out behind the barn sneaking a smoke with someone who is suddenly so repugnant that you want to taser them, Don Kihote has the perfect product for you! The Piggy Lighter That Also Shocks! As an added bonus, its nose extends to Pinocchio-like proportions in order to deliver both flames and electric zapping at a comfortable and safe distance.

And in case you don’t want anyone to guess you’re toting a device capable of delivering an unpleasant zap, it also comes in an attractive keychain model…

Beware the Nostrils of Death!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Don’t make her mad.

Most Confusing Nail Deco Package Award

Um, you’re supposed to glue these multi-culti “nail caviar” Prom BonBons where exactly?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Top Ten “Only In Japan” Posts of 2013

Before we move on to 2014 madness, check out this insanity! Here are the top viewed posts from the past year…

#10 Extreme Pancakes

In a “foreign food” breakthrough worthy of comparison to the In ‘n Out Double Double, behold the most recent craze in Japanese pancakes: super thick flapjacks! A miracle of batter engineering, these ultra-fluffmonsters are not only perfectly browned on both sides, they’re cooked all the way through with no surprise pockets of sogginess in the middle. The not-so-short stack above is from the…Read more

#9 Make Your Own Adorable Butt Pudding

Today’s gourmet challenge: 「オラのかわいいおしりたべてみろう…？」”Do we dare to eat this adorable butt?”

Of all the WTF Japan products I’ve seen, this has to be the absolutely WTFiest. JIGGLY. WHITE. BUTT. PUDDING. According to the directions on the back, using only this mix, a microwave and a mold shaped exactly like the well-know derriere of the beloved comic book and anime character, Crayon Shin-chan, one…Read more

#8 I Guess They Ran Out Of Girl Mannequins

Walking through my local Daiei, I thought there was something a little funny about the display in front of the elementary school book bags. Sure enough, the “girl” in the faux private school uniform definitely got drafted from the boys’ department. Maybe they wanted to ride the cosplay theme set by…Read more

#7 Life Size Living Dolls

Yes, there is a real live girl inside this doll costume!

So, your friend sets you up on a blind date. He describes the girl you’re meeting as a bishōjōgurumi. You look the bits and pieces of kanji up in your ever-handy Japanese electronic dictionary. Woo hoo! “Beautiful…Woman…Doll”! Dude, I totally owe you! And when she shows up to meet you, you discover he was not lying. She’s the ideal…Read more

#6 Manga Schoolgirl Dogs

A contender for the Iditarod cheering squad with her best friend, whose white sailor uniform must have gone through the wash with granny’s red underwear

I didn’t think the Husky Club could outdo last month’s Husky kimono parade, but yesterday in honor of Japanese graduation season, they all turned up at the park dressed as manga versions of schoolgirls!…See more pictures

#5 Only In Tokyo Mystery Series!

Come along with Tokyo Metropolitan Police Detective Kenji Nakamura and part-time English translator Yumi Hata, as they explore the dark underbelly of Tokyo in Nightshade, Fallen Angel and the newest book in the series, Idolmaker…Read more

#4 Nail Queen

I love Japanese TV. Sandwiched between a news story about protesters being pepper sprayed by police in a dangerous foreign country (America) and a piece on noodles topped with grilled intestines (horumon udon) was a story on the 2011 Tokyo Nail Expo’s Nail Queen. Nails are big here, and anything goes. It’s not unusual for a manicure to cost upwards of $100 and…Read more

#3 Make Your Own Plastic Food!

Last week I jumped at the chance to visit a place that makes fake food models for Japanese restaurants and learn the secrets of making tempura and lettuce! Making fake lettuce is so much easier than making real lettuce. No need to acquire the superpower to create life, no need to construct a carefully balanced ecosystem to grow it in. All you need is…Read more

#2 How To Glue Your Eyelids

Japanese eyes don’t naturally have a fold above the eyelid, so many girls glue them to get that wide-eyed innocent look.

I’ve always wondered how to use eyelid glue. I knew it was a prime  tool in the make-up kits of Japanese gyaru seeking that perfect babydoll look, but never understood just how it worked. Then I discovered this handy guide in Kera magazine! Basically, “Western” eyelids have a deep fold above them and Japanese eyes don’t. If you think of the…Read more

#1 Can Foreigners Get Into A Host Club?

In pictures taken at host clubs, customers’ faces are always fuzzed out to protect their privacy. Not everybody wants their grandma or their boss to know just what kind of fun they’re having in their spare time!

It’s possible, but it it’s not quite as simple as walking up to the doorman and asking to come in. Why? Isn’t my money as good as the next girl’s? Well, for starters, there’s a bit of a language issue. While there might be a few hosts who speak languages other than Japanese, most guys who go into the host business come from places where they didn’t meet many foreigners (if any), and most hosts weren’t exactly the class grind in high school. So…Read more

Wishing you and yours a very happy Year Of The Horse! Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

At New Year’s In Japan, Bigger Is Better

Try eating THIS monster lobster ‘n rice cake!

It’s that time of year when too much is just enough.

Jumbo wrestlers with jumbo mallets pound jumbo amounts of rice.

This special gigantic trash bin isn’t even big enough for the sacred garbage brought to the Yasukuni Shrine at New Year’s.

And biggest of all, my thanks to all you wonderful readers and commenters (and especially those of you who read and enjoyed my books!) for another great year of laughing and crying and saying hunh? with me as we wander through the ever-amazing world of Japan together.

Happy Year Of The Horse, from me to you!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.