Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 25
January 8, 2019
Dogs In Kimonos: Shiba Edition!
The only thing in all of Japan that might be cuter than huskies in kimonos is a parade of shiba inus in kimono.
Shibas are well-known for making like the Petrified Forest and refusing to budge until even the tiniest hint of humiliating costumery is removed, but the noble beasts I caught making their first shrine visit of the year were anything but embarrassed to be promenading down the street in their new year’s finery.
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The girl dogs were dressed in pink kimonos…
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…and the boy dogs wore formal hakama, like the outfits that little boys don for the first time on their 7-5-3 Coming of Age day in November
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And in case you think these were some sad, obsequious variety of shiba-bot, let me assure you that 110% sheeb attitude was at full power in every other way. This one, for example, only hopped down from his command ship when he felt like investigating an interesting smell or had to remind the others who’s boss
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When not stalking shibas, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo
“A genuinely gripping crime thriller which wrong-foots and perplexes the reader throughout, drawing us in emotionally . . . Highly recommended.”
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When Detective Kenji Nakamura’s phone rings with the news that his mother’s death wasn’t an accident, his life begins to unravel…read more
January 3, 2019
And This Year’s Winners In The Tournament Of Weird Japanese Appliances Are…
In for the gold by a mile: the Electric Sweet Potato Roaster
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You know you want one. Get it at Yodobashi Camera, in Akihabara
In the steamy competition for Most Japanese Appliance Ever, I think you’ll have to agree that the electric sweet potato roaster owns the podium. Not only is it good for making one thing (and one thing only), that thing is the most Japanese winter treat ever. I mean, when was the last time you went to the mall and heard an American child relentlessly pestering his mom for a ROASTED VEGETABLE? The reason there even is a roasted sweet potato appliance is actually sort of interesting, though: Japanese apartments don’t have ovens. Yep, you heard it right. No ovens. No cookies, no bread, no turkey, no tuna noodle casserole, nothing. So, if you’re in Japan and jonesing for a righteous roasted sweet potato, you have to buy it from this guy:
(Sorry for the weird format – I shot this from my apartment balcony years ago before attaining mad phone video skillz. This clip is all about hearing the Pavarotti of yakimo vendor singers, so watch it with the sound on for the full nostalgic effect.)
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Edging out the next nearest competitor for the silver: the DIY Natto Mill
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Tokyu Hands in Shinjuku sells this appliance of dubious worth
Why anyone would want to eat stinky fermented soybeans – much less create a hotbed of stinky soybean manufacturing in one’s own claustrophobic apartment – remains a mystery to me. But thanks to this handy automatic natto maker, now you can. I hope you have the world’s largest family or love natto so much you want to marry it, because this sucker doesn’t mess around, quantity-wise. Judging by the size of typical one-serving packs sold at the supermarket, this makes enough for yourself plus any number of hungry Godzillas who might stop by unexpectedly for a chat.
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And crossing the line for the bronze: the Instant Miso Soup Pot
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Yodabashi Camera in Akihabara will happily take your money for this one
Taking the “we’ll sell you the printer cheap, then fleece you forever on the ink tanks” model to a whole new level, this instant miso soup maker nearly won on points. You have to admire how, even though all it really does is heat water, mix it with soup concentrate, and dispense it into your bowl, it can’t be used to make tea, coffee, instant ramen, or any of the countless other things that you can make with your regular electric hot water pot (the one you had to unplug in order to plug this one in).
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After enjoying her roasted sweet potatoes with natto and miso soup, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo
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A young woman dressed as a Gothic Lolita is found dead in a car with a pair of strangers. But the more Yumi Hata learns about her friend’s death, the more she’s convinced it was murder…read more
December 30, 2018
How To Survive New Year’s In Japan
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Seriously. The fear is real. New Year’s is one of those times in Japan when it’s a real liability to be thousands of miles away from people who might loan you embarrassing essentials or feed you in a pinch, because everything – and I do mean everything – shuts down from December 31 to January 3. Some shut down even longer!
And not just oh-no-how-are-we-going-to-survive-the-extended-family-visit-without museums and movies. We’re talking no supermarkets. No restaurants. No drugstores.
And (according to the panic-inducing notice I saw just yesterday in the elevator) no housekeeping or front desk services for the entire week at the place where I stay. Which means if the two rolls of mingey, single-ply in my bathroom run out, NO TOILET PAPER AND NOWHERE TO BUY IT.
Good thing I loafily took the elevator instead of the stairs yesterday, or I wouldn’t have known to stock up until it was TOO LATE. (Do you think this could be a sign from the gods that exercise is bad for you? Asking for a friend.)
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Happy Year of the Boar, everyone! Have fun, be safe, and I’ll catch you on the other side….
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When well-supplied with the necessities, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo
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When Detective Kenji Nakamura’s phone rings with the news that his mother’s death wasn’t an accident, his life begins to unravel…read more
December 23, 2018
Top Ten Crazy Holiday Gifts From Japan 2018
These days, everyone wants “experiences,” not “stuff,” so how about digging into your Santa sack for presents that deliver #youllneverguesswhatwedids that could only come from (where else?)…Japan! This year, give the gift of…
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…making your own Panda Face sushi and finding out who’s the fastest panda-grabber in the land
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Seen at the Akihabara Yodobashi Camera
Level up by slipping in a few made with natto (stinky, slimy, fermented soybeans) just to keep it extra-competitive
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2
…drinking to The One That Got Away with these fishy beer glasses
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Seen at the Shiga prefecture antenna store in Kyobashi
After hoisting a few trout-themed brews with these beauties, coming home with an empty creel could become an annual Thing.
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3
…getting on your holiday cheer decked out as Shiba Santa instead of St. Nick
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Seen at the Shinjuku Don Kihote
Because what could be more useful than being able to do a heckin’ refuse when Auntie Gert insists on giving you a perfume-drenched hug in return?
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4
…lighting up with the cutest matches to ever ignite what you’re smoking
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Seen at the Tobacco and Salt Museum gift shop
Excuse me, I think we need to see those again
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5
…getting an instant face lift without all that pesky surgery
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Seen at the Shinjuku Don Kihote
(Although it’s unclear how these stretchy ear-squishers can vanish the saggies without the benefit of a little slicing and dicing (｀_´)ゞ)
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6
…owning the pet of your dreams (or the next best thing): an animal face washcloth
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Seen at the Shibuya Loft store
Sure, you might be able to convince a garden variety feline or canine to wash your face if you smear it with enough peanut butter or chicken livers, but if your giftee is craving a facial cleansing from, say, a red panda or a fox or a koala, you can’t do better than wrapping up one of these oh-so-friendly facecloths.
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7
…spend more time eating bonbons on your chaise lounge while a dedicated JAPANESE slow cooker whips up dinner
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Seen at the Akihabara Yodobashi Camera
Which is just like a Western crock pot, except the presets aren’t for Three Alarm Chili or mom’s chicken soup, they’re for kakuni (braised pork stew), nikujaga (beef and potato stew), edamame (boiled soybeans) and both kinds of rice (white and brown).
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8
…scooting your kitchen chair across the floor on little cat feet
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You can get these on Amazon
With these cat paw chair socks, your midnight snacking can be silent AND deadly.
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9
…becoming the supreme ruler of the coffee break with this 3D latte foam tool
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Seen at the Akihabara Yodobashi Camera 6th floor
Yes, now you can top your double shots of espresso with adorable bears, cats, bunnies and Godzillas in your very own home.
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10
…sharing the pleasures of extreme personal grooming with that boyfriend who insists you maintain an immaculate Brazilian, with the Gosso Nose Wax System
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Seen at the Shibuya Tokyu Hands
What it lacks in waxable square inches, it more than makes up for in pain.
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Or you could instantly whisk away your bestie to the seedy underworld of Tokyo with a novel set in Japan. (And in case you’re a bit late checking off your list, this one will still arrive in time for Xmas)
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There’s nothing I like better than to discover a new mystery series, and it’s even better if they take me to a place I love. If you know anyone who’d like to spend more time in Japan…THESE
December 18, 2018
Department Of Seasonal Pet Humiliation: This Year’s Santa Cat Costume
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Sporting all the premium quality you’d expect from a ¥400 vending machine, this Santa Claws capelet just might be the perfect gift for someone who dreams of #catsofinstagram glory (and is willing to risk the kind of revenge that will certainly be extracted after uploading Growler’s humiliation for all the world to see).
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Not recommended for pets over three tons
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Or you could gift them a few hours of escape to Tokyo instead. Because who wouldn’t want to discover a little Japanese crime beneath their tree?
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It’s been ten years since his mother never made it home, but now Detective Kenji Nakamura’s life is about to unravel…Read more
December 6, 2018
Cat Feet Chair Socks!
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I know that you’ll be super envious to hear that my kitchen chairs are now prancing around on little cat feet! Gone are the days when the awful screeching sound of chair on floor could drive guests away faster than a pot of soup generously endowed with all four kinds of cow stomach.
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And they come in five glorious cat-approved colors, so you don’t have to choose your favorite and risk annoying the others into horking up a hairball in the dark reaches of your closet while you’re at work
These “Tiger Feet” kitteh paw chair socks are made in Japan, but you can get them on Amazon, for all your holiday gifting needs. Because if everyone you know doesn’t want these, you need new friends
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When not wasting time admiring her new chair socks, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo
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There’s nothing I like better than to discover a new mystery series, especially if they take me to a place I love. If you know anyone who’d like to spend more time in Japan…THESE Read more
November 26, 2018
Spaghetti Ice Cream
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I can’t say I’ve ever had a massive craving for an ice cream sundae that resembles a pile of spaghetti with meat sauce, but at least this isn’t ACTUAL spaghetti-flavored ice cream (weird flavors being the rule rather than the exception in Japan)! This concoction at the “German Cafe” in Yokohama’s Red Brick Warehouse is actually vanilla soft serve topped with mystery red fruit sauce. Enjoy.
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Arg, the holidays are coming, and if you’re like me, it’s hard to find the perfect gift for everyone. Know anyone who might like to spend a few happy hours escaping to Japan with a novel set in Tokyo?
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There’s nothing I like better than to discover a new mystery series, and it’s even better if they take me to a place I love. If you know anyone who’d like to spend more time in Japan…these
October 19, 2018
November Can’t Come Too Soon
LA Juice store, what were your test kitchens smoking?
Somehow, charcoal-flavored cocoa is a vice I’ve managed to avoid acquiring until now, and I feel it’s in my best interests to keep it that way….
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When not avoiding parallel universes where chocolate and charcoal are a desirable combination, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo…
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When Detective Kenji Nakamura’s phone rings with the news that his mother’s death wasn’t an accident, his life begins to unravel…read more
September 22, 2018
Failed Rock Gardens Of Japan
Nobody’s going to deny that rock gardens are one of the great art forms of Japan. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy an exquisitely designed miniature landscape of meticulously raked gravel…
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…swirling around a few mindfully placed boulders…
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Plus, compared to even your most basic Japanese garden, they’re really low-maintenance. I mean, you might have to rake a little gravel, but once you plant a rock, it never needs weeding, feeding or pruning. And unlike every green thing I’ve ever owned, they don’t die.
The problem is, it’s harder to make rocks look like a garden than one might think. Because for every rock garden that looks like the lovely pictures from Hasedera, there are way too many of…these:
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Granted, this view is better than what’s under most overpasses, but somehow, I find this line-up of random rocks doesn’t inspire me to contemplate the divine order of the universe
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You know this one is here because someone said, “I’m sick of watering those plants by the entrance – they just die anyway. Let’s put a rock garden here instead!” and then a few execs waved their hands in the air, saying, “Hey, I’ve got a big one in my yard I’ve been dying to get rid of….”
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This sad display is the freeway iceplant of rock gardens
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And this Rock Garden Planter must have been put here in desperation, after everything else died from being in such a depressing place. Even those hardy succulents are trying to escape [image error]
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Now this is just lazy. Landscaping Hall of Shame.
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I thought long and hard about including this, because it barely qualifies as “intentional,” and yet there’s a certain “if you put a million monkeys in a million rooms and asked them to design a rock garden…” quality to it. Enjoy.
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And what happens when you get tired of having an ugly rock garden right outside your door? THIS
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When not heaping critical remarks on rock gardens, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo
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The #1 hostboy at Club Nova makes a handsome living, whispering sweet nothings in the ears of women who pay him a fortune for the privilege. But the party’s over when Tokyo Detective Kenji Nakamura is assigned to investigate the death of…read more
September 12, 2018
The Fox Wedding Vending Machine
Don’t say I never take one for the team – I just spent a year’s worth of laundry coins getting every single member of this fox wedding so you don’t have to!
Move over Angry Ghost Cats and Drunken Pets! The Fox Wedding vending machine takes tiny collectible toy obsession to a whole new level. Take my coin purse, foxen! Take all of it!
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The wedding procession strikes out through the ancient mystical fox village at the Sasuke Inari Shrine…
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…then passes the first of the torii gates, while hundreds of magical inari fox figures wish them happiness
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Don’t you just love the detail on these tiny figures? Their faces are the BEST
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And by the way, if you don’t already have a name for that thing where it rains while the sun is shining, from now on you can tell people what they say in Japan, which is. “Hey, look! It’s the foxes’ wedding!”
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When not spending every last coin she has on plastic fox toys, Jonelle Patrick writes novels set in Tokyo…
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A young woman dressed as a Gothic Lolita is found dead in a car with a pair of strangers. But the more Yumi Hata learns about her friend’s death, the more she’s convinced it was murder…read more
