L.Y. Levand's Blog, page 11

Entitled?

My coworker had an interesting encounter with a customer the other day. This gentleman came in looking for someone to do a repair on his guitar. This happens a lot; our repair man is very popular, and he's very good. 

Unfortunately, when this particular customer came in, our repairman was out on lunch. And our repairman has asked us not to accept instruments for repair unless he's there to look it over with the customer first, for several reasons. One, he has had instruments come in damaged and then had the customer claim he caused the damage in the course of the repair. Which then required him to do a lot of free repair work. Two, he's incredibly busy, and is always working. His shop is always full. 

My coworker explained this to him, and he claimed that as a paying customer he deserved to be serviced. He wasn't happy about having to wait. He wanted it done, and he wanted it done right then. 

Even in a grocery store you can't cut in line just because you're a paying customer. There were other paying customers before you. And if the store lacks a self-checkout, you can't buy without a cashier. 

The attitude is disturbing to me. It could be he was just having a bad day; there's always that possibility. But I see that attitude everywhere. The thought that you deserve to be waited on hand and foot. Sometimes at the expense of others. 

Our society has an attitude of entitlement. 

We do not deserve to have things handed to us simply because we want them. And having money is not a good reason to expect to get your way. 

We think we have the right to entertainment, good jobs, enough money to do what we want when we want, and to not have to work hard for any of it. This is an illusion and a lie. 

We have to wait, and work, and fail, just like any other human being. 

If we want something then we have to work for it, and I think a lot of people have forgotten that. Things are easy for us, for the most part. People seem to have forgotten that it wasn't always that way. 

There seems to be a lot of pity going on for third world countries, because it's harder for them. Well, I think they probably have a better idea of what truly matters than we do.

We have the ability to choose who goes into office. Most of us have more than enough to eat, a place to stay, and more possessions than would be needed to drown us if they were tied around our waists. But let me ask you this: Would you die if you lost any of that? Do you really value your freedom in the same way that another person would, who'd never had it?

We all have our problems. But if your biggest problem is which dessert to eat, or that your expensive smartphone died, your priorities are a little messed up.

If your freedom were to be taken away, would you even know where to begin fighting to get it back? Would you even realize it was gone, or would you be thanking some higher power *cough*government*cough* on bended knee for turning you into a slave?

True freedom is not the ability to do anything you want. It's not the right to do anything you want. You do not, and will not, have the right to do whatever you please. And I'll tell you why.

Because we're supposed to grow up. Believing that you deserve, or can have, anything you want is a childish behavior. And not even a healthy one. It's the attitude of a spoiled brat. We have responsibilities. We have consequences for any action we take. Refusing to accept those consequences is a supreme act of denial. Expecting other people to pay for our mistakes is selfish and unrealistic.

Taking what you want because you feel it's your 'right' is childish. Being angry or upset when you're denied instant gratification is self-centered. Demanding special treatment is selfish. 


I think we all have growing up to do. 

This is Depressing...

I was in a rather depressing situation last night. I decided to write a post about it because I know there are readers who are in the same situation, a similar situation, or have relatives dealing with it.

As some of you know, I've succumbed to online dating. This is not because of desperation on my part, but because I have no real way of meeting anyone, let alone a single man. And I would someday like to get married.

Unfortunately, that involves meeting actual people. Book characters don't count, lol. (And even if they did, Aragorn is already taken. Kidding, kidding. xD Sorry, I couldn't resist. The rest of this is so depressing.)

Anyway, I belong to a dating site that has an interesting and detailed matching system. Which is why I joined in the first place. I was hoping it would eliminate a lot of what I wasn't looking for, and help me find what I was looking for.

This site also has a nice search feature. I went and used it because I was bored, and my search criteria looked like this:
Doesn't seem too restricting, does it? It sounds perfectly reasonable to me, since I'm looking for someone like me.

You'll notice in the top right-hand corner that I purposely made it search users located anywhere in the world. Anywhere - got that? I wasn't excluding any country, nationality, or race.

But before I get into what I found, how about a little lesson on how this stuff works?

The matching is done based on questions. A sample question would be:

"Do you, or would you, donate blood without a financial incentive?"

They then give you two to four possible answers, and you choose one. You then choose the answers that you'd accept from a mate, and how important the question ranks to you. The algorithm used matches you based on how you and everyone else on the site answer those questions.

When answering questions, the possible match percentage goes up based on how many questions you've answered. The more questions you've answered, the better chance you have of finding someone with a high match percentage. For the record, I have answered well over two thousand, and my highest possible match percentage is one hundred.

So I had some high hopes when I clicked search. I've seen lots of 99% matches floating around, so I thought there had to be quite a number of them.

You know how many popped up with a match percentage of 99? Seventeen. Out of a site with millions of users from all over the world, there are seventeen that are even close. 99 is a pretty high match percentage. But I know from experience that there's a lot that can be squeezed into that one percent.

What you can't see in that picture is how I had them sorted. I had them sorted with the highest match percentage at the top. Because it appears that the site also ranks in fractions of a percentage, although that's not visible during search. So I went and looked at the very first profile, hoping that maybe there was someone I could feel good about starting a conversation with.

You know what I found?

I found that we disagreed on fundamental issues. I'm a Christian, and I'm very serious about it. This particular man's profile said the same thing. But when I looked closer, I realized that we disagreed on abstinence until marriage. I believed in it, he did not. That's one of my deal-breakers. And that's not even all we differed on. He also believed it was better to be tactful than to be truthful, that some human lives are worth more than others, that passion is more important to a relationship than dedication, that bad grammar was worse than profanity, that men shouldn't be the heads of their houses, and others. We disagreed on all of those issues. Just the kinds of issues that would totally rule out a possible relationship.

This man was the one that matched me the best out of my search criteria, and there was a huge difference. So huge that I wouldn't consider him seriously as a possible mate.

And he matched me the best out of only seventeen. Out of millions of people from all over the world. There were seventeen that ranked at 99%. And the one that came the closest, wasn't close at all.

Get this, the keyword option? If I add the word purity to it, I get blank space. Not a single man who meets the other criteria has used that word in his profile. Even if I take out keywords God and the Bible, purity brings up exactly nothing.

Pretty depressing, yes?

As a Christian woman seeking a Christian man, this is very sad for me. And frustrating.

So, the moral of the story?

I'm going to learn to be happy single, and if God wants me married, He can throw the right one at my head and hope I don't go all unobservant.

Be happy while you're single. Don't worry about finding the right one. That doesn't mean you stop looking, but for goodness sakes - don't spiral down into depression. The right one will come in God's time. Even if it seems like He'd have to use a miracle to make it happen.

The Blame Game

Just the other day, an older lady came in to the place where I work, and bought a stack of books that she claimed were perfect. She was a very nice lady, though she did seem a little scatter-brained. I sold her the books, and forgot about it.

Until the next day, when a coworker told me an older lady had come in, collected a stack of books, and brought them to the counter. Apparently the lady had gathered these books, not with an intention to buy them, but so that I would have to put them away as part of a disciplinary action.

I was also informed by this coworker, who complained about it rather vocally, that this lady had done this because I had sold her defective books.

Now, if all the books had been defective, I would completely understand, and feel very bad about it. Of the three books she brought back, however, only one had something truly wrong with it. It was missing some pages, which I could understand her being upset about. It was, however, a used book. The other two books were brought back, not because there was something wrong with them, but because they weren't what she thought they were when she bought them. One was too simple, and one didn't have what she wanted in it.

That would have been all right with me. I've had to deal with customers like her before, and she was altogether much nicer about it than many of them have been in the past. They claim that I sold them the wrong book, when they were absolutely certain the day before, or the week before, that it was the right book. That wasn't the issue I had with this situation. I would have been perfectly fine with taking the books back if she had a problem with them.

The issue was with the way this woman handled it.

She took it upon herself to try and discipline me because two of those books didn't have what she wanted, and because she bought a used book that was missing pages. Because she hadn't looked through those books enough to tell if they were what she wanted or not, she was blaming me.

I'm not saying her concerns about missing pages were invalid. Because she had every right to be upset about that. I could have prevented that. It would have taken me counting the pages of every used book in the store, but I could have done it. I'm also not directing this at her. She was a very nice lady; her actions just brought the subject to my mind.

What I do want  to talk about is the blame game.

Millions of people play it every single day.

They don't want to take responsibility for their own shortcomings, for not thinking things through, or making mistakes.

People try to escape responsibility by laying blame where it doesn't belong. They will do virtually anything but take responsibility for the situations they have caused. They want what they want, they want it now, and they want it without rules or consequence. And when a consequence they don't want appears, they do whatever they have to to get rid of it.

And everyone does it. No one wants to face unpleasant situations, and it's normal for us to want to get out of them.

But is the best way to handle it really blaming someone else? If that person you're yelling at is innocent, then you are being unfair and inconsiderate. Lay the blame where you will, but if it's really your own fault, then it's true. You are being unfair and inconsiderate.

If your own actions and behavior have gotten you where you are, then whose fault is it, really? You can blame parents, you can blame siblings, you can blame circumstances, teachers, friends, significant others, but in the end, they didn't make you do this to yourself. You always have a choice, and you made a bad one. It's not the end of the world. Face the consequences with courage, and don't make the mistake again. It's not that hard.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our fate, if you can even call it that. We may not have control over circumstance, but we have control over how we react, and what we do with what we have. Even if it's not much, you can still control your attitude and your actions.

To Sing or Not To Sing - Instruments in Worship?

I had a thought. That's not too unusual, I have a head full of them; but this one was notable because it was unusual. 

There's a lot of debate about how Christians should worship. About singing and mechanical instruments, specifically. 

During a Bible class I attended recently, we were doing a study on Bible authority, and the subject of music in worship came up. That's not unusual either. But something I read in the handout really struck me and made me think of it in a way I hadn't before. It was a verse, and a paragraph about it in reference to worship. 

The verse was Colossians 3:16: Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 

Along with the verse was a little paragraph referring to music. The paragraph wasn't too important, except that it sparked a thought I'd never had before. 

First, the music should teach and admonish us. How can we do that by playing an instrument? An instrument can't instruct us. And it certainly can't admonish us. It's the people that do this. Someone who plays an instrument and doesn't sing is neither teaching nor admonishing their fellows.

But as I was thinking about this, and reading other verses about singing and musical worship, I saw something else. 

Every verse I've read that has to do with singing in the New Testament also mentions something else. The music we make should be done with joy, with thanksgiving, with grace, and with the heart. So not only are we to teach with our musical worship, we are also to do it with our hearts. We are to feel it very deeply. 

But why? Why does it matter that we feel deeply? 

Perhaps it's because it's not what it sounds like to us that matters. God has shown that human senses don't factor into what He demands for worship; have you ever smelled a scorched animal? I'm pretty sure that singed hair stinks, but He describes the smell of burning animals as a pleasing aroma. 

Perhaps what makes it worship is not how it sounds to us, but what our hearts are feeling as we sing. The act of obedience, and the state of our hearts. 

With that said, what instrument can surpass the depth of emotion the human voice is capable of? What better way to express the emotion we are supposed to feel than with the sounds our own bodies make, unaccompanied? 

And for what did Jesus die? Not instruments. He died for us - to save us. What more fitting worship could we offer than to use our own bodies, our own hearts, in worship?

An instrument is just that. An instrument. It feels nothing. You can feel something as you play it, but your attention of necessity must be divided. You must focus on playing, rather than making a joyful noise to the Lord, which is what worship truly is. And the sound an instrument makes cannot be joyful. The instrument has no heart to feel.

A lot of people...they get sidetracked by the argument itself. They also get sidetracked by the word of God's law, and can easily lose sight of the purpose of God's law.

The reason we worship at all is because we love God and want to be pleasing to Him. But He gave us another purpose for our musical worship, and that is teaching and admonishing one another. To share what we feel in a way that others can understand. To spread the love and joy that comes from being a child of God - even to those who may never have heard or understood it before. To raise a sound pleasing to God that expresses our joy at His gift and love, and to teach each other. The purpose is not entertainment, nor is it to sound good to human ears. It can, certainly, but that's not the purpose.

This post is not to try and convince others to change their minds. If it was, I would have immediately started in on authority, and all of that. That's not my purpose for writing this.

My purpose is for people to think. Even if you do believe instruments are perfectly fine in worship, is there a way you can make your worship more pleasing to God? Are you teaching and admonishing each other? Are you offering your whole heart to God with every song? Is there a way you can make sure that your music, whatever it is, is not distracting from the purpose, or our Creator?

Treat people as...

Have you ever had to hold your tongue and control your temper when dealing with someone you really wanted to lash out at? 

I had one of those at work recently. This gentleman has been in before, and likely will be again. And he was one of those people that apparently knows everything, and is too good to even sign a piece of paper saying we had his permission for an electronic funds transfer for a rental payment. 

Now, I'm not saying he was incorrect; you shouldn't have to sign a piece a paper if you've already signed the check. And I'm not saying he wasn't within his rights to feel that way. Because he was. 

What I am saying is his attitude was pretty bad. 

Do you like to be condescended to? Do you like people to treat you like you know nothing? Do you like people who, even if they are right - especially if they are right - are so snobbish and uppity that you feel like you're no better in their eyes than the scum on the bottom of their shoe? 

I don't, either. 

Pride and arrogance. That's what I see. That's what I hear. 

But I'm not writing this to complain about these people; for all I know, they were just having a bad day. I'm writing to remind myself, and to remind you, that it's very easy for us to come across that way. 

I don't think these people realize what they're doing, and if they do, they feel they have every right to do it. Just like we would. Just like you would. Just like I would. 

An attitude of arrogance, an attitude of pride, is very easy to develop, and hard to get rid of. Some of its symptoms include a refusal to admit a mistake, a refusal to believe that you could possibly be wrong about something, and the belief that you know more about something than someone else. The thought that you have seen and heard it all, and therefore have all the answers. 

No matter what you think you know, no matter how smart or wise you believe yourself to be, that does not give you a right to treat anyone with less than the utmost respect. And you might discover that you weren't all that right to begin with. 

Those people who are paid to help you are people too. Every complaint you make, every attitude you cop, is complicating their day. They have feelings, they have emotions, and if you want them to be careful of yours, then maybe you should return the favor. 

People have a right to good service, yes. People have a right to have their concerns addressed if they are paying money for a service. They deserve to have fair, complete, and honest service. 

That doesn't give you the right to come in and start treating them like you're a king or queen and expect them to bend over backwards while you treat them as subhuman. That doesn't make it okay for you demand, or threaten, them. 

I would want to be treated better than that, so I want to treat others better than that. I've been in the shoes of someone dealing with a difficult customer. It's not easy, it's not fun, and keeping your temper is not always easy. I've had customers come in, and tell me to make them a deal, or they'll leave. I had a woman throw a tantrum because I wouldn't refund something that stated on the paperwork was non-refundable, and that she had signed. She wanted me to bend the rules for her. I refused. And she screamed at me, blamed me, said I wasn't helping her, and stormed out, screeching that she was going to return her instruments and never come back. 

The people who work, they're worth just as much as you are. They have thoughts, opinions, feelings, and lives. They know more about some things than you do, even if they work at McDonald's and you're a college graduate with a high-paying job. 

Sometimes we have bad days. Sometimes we're just cranky. But does that really give us - any of us - the right to take it out on someone else? 

Review of "The Darkest Heart: The Shadow and the Wolf," by S. A. Maus

The Darkest Heart: The Shadow and the Wolf by S.A. Maus
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Overall, I liked it a lot. There were a few things that bothered me, but mostly they were minor.

There were a few things that happened toward the middle that didn't seem to have any bearing at all on the plot, and I think they could have been left out without jeopardizing the structure of the story. But those were very minor, and even if they didn't seem to have anything to do with the plot, they were still interesting. They also might play into the second book, so I'm not dismissing that.

By far the biggest (negative) thing I noticed was a lack of characterization. There was a lot of focus on the surroundings, but not a lot on the characters themselves. Their reactions to things didn't seem proportional to what had happened; almost too dramatic. They also seemed to draw conclusions on other characters based on things we as readers don't see; such as one character being praised when all I'd seen were reasons to dislike them. The writing style is third-person omniscient, though, and a lot of the interaction seems to be skipped over, so those are things I would have expected to see some of anyway.

Other than that, I enjoyed it a lot. The world itself is very well realized, and vividly described. There is also obviously a lot of history behind the events taking place, which, being a Tolkien fan-girl, I can appreciate. xD While I didn't emotionally connect to the characters, and didn't really like most of them, it still kept my attention and proved a good read.

If Tolkien fans are looking for something in a similar style, this is a good one to try. :)

View all my reviews

Dear Men Who Date Online,

I decided to try online dating for several reasons. One, I got sick and tired of the matchmaking attempts by friends and family. Two, I don't get to meet and know many people. At all. Three, I'm kind of hoping to find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And four, if I don't find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, more friends are always nice. 

Well, in my experiences in online dating, I've discovered there are a lot of one certain kind of man. 

"Hey gorgeous." 

That's a direct quote from a message I got recently. In fact, it's the whole message. 

I hate that with a passion. I despise that so much that this particular gentleman only got a message because I was irritated. It went something like this "not the kind of greeting I usually respond well to." 

Typically, those messages are not graced with a response. And there is a very good reason for that. 

I spend hours on my profiles. I do. It often takes me days. I write novels in them. And you couldn't find anything better to say than 'hey gorgeous'? 

Thanks. My personality obviously means a lot to you. You obviously read everything I wrote, and were so overwhelmed by my intelligence, humor, and personality that you couldn't think of anything to say except for an ungrammatical comment about my picture. 

Umm...no. 

I purposely never post a full body picture of myself on sites like that. My face causes me enough issues. So asking me for more pictures is another "you know, I'm really not that interested in someone who's more fascinated by my appearance than what I'm like as a person" moment. 

Yes, I understand that you (men) are more visually-oriented than women, and that they (you) are going to stare at women no matter what we do. I got that, okay? 

Now I have something for you to get. When I cover up or only put one or two pictures of myself on my profile, it's not because I think I'm ugly, or because I hate compliments. It's not because I don't want men to see me, and it's not because I have low self-esteem. 

It's because I want you to see something else about me. Something important to me. And I'm making it obvious to you by telling you flat out what it is I want you to notice. I spend days on my profiles! I tell you about me, and what's important to me. 

If you send me messages with "hey gorgeous" or anything like that, and it's the only thing you've said, then you have completely ignored me as a person - as well as what's important to me. 

My automatic response to such messages is to believe that you have not read what I wrote. Or, even worse, that you did read it, and completely ignored it. Either way, your priorities don't match mine, and in such an obvious way that I can tell by the first message. 

Which is why I don't write back. :) 

Good luck on your quest for love. Maybe this post taught you something to help you find it. I certainly hope so. 

Sincerely, 

A woman that dates online

Well, Since I Have to do Something for Valentine's Day...

...I might as well have fun with it, right?

I don't have a boyfriend to spend Valentine's Day with, but I didn't see any reason not to find a way to celebrate it anyway. So, for Valentine's Day, I decided to let everyone take a peek at part of my largest in-progress writing project. And when I say in progress, I mean the one that I've been working on for years, and expect to spend several more years on.

It's the very end of a subplot love story, which is why I chose it. I'm not sure how this looks on other computers, because the monitor I used has really weird problems with color and shading. So I'm hoping it looks okay! The two characters you see are named Pakata (the man) and Symlonith (the woman), and they are the grandparents of my main character, Lytha.

They were attending a major conference called the Valalus Council in a neighboring city with their daughter-in-law and oldest granddaughter, when they received news that their hometown had been attacked.

Shortly after this news, another attack on the city to the west took place. Both cities were taken over, and a number of refugees escaped to the Council. The city hosting the council could only hold so many, and the armies that had attacked the other cities were now on their way. The city was forced to evacuate to the north, where their fourth sister city was. This scene takes place in that city.

At this point in time, all they know is that their son and all but one of their grandchildren was in their hometown when it was taken, and that none of their family members were among the refugees. But Lytha, their oldest granddaughter, is also missing. She disappeared during the Valalus Council, and, though they have received word she's still alive, they don't know where she is.

The leadership of the cities sent out scouts, only to discover that the armies had joined and were again marching. But this time, there's no city left to run to, and the place where they are staying is not suitable for defense. They arrange for another mass evacuation to the barren plains of Dolena-Alus, where they plan to hide and gather strength. But there's a problem. If the approaching army finds the city empty, they'll simply follow them to Dolena-Alus and hunt them down. They need more time.

The only choice they have is to leave a garrison in the city to deceive the army and delay them as long as possible - all the while knowing that they can't hold the city, and there's no chance of survival. Death in battle would be preferable to being captured alive, for many reasons. The leadership calls for volunteers.

This scene takes place after the meeting between leaders has ended.

Pakata tells his wife he's volunteered for the suicide garrison so that she and their daughter-in-law can escape.

Symlonith tells him that their daughter-in-law, Lysteele, has already left. Lysteele has refused to believe that her family is dead, and has gone after them, in spite of the approaching army and the fact that if her family is, indeed, alive, then they are probably trapped in what is now an enemy city.

Pakata accuses Symlonith of not trying to stop her, and Symlonith agrees that she did not, and reminds him that were they young still, they would have done the same thing - and nothing anyone could say would have stopped them.

Pakata then tries to convince his wife to leave, and make for relative safety with the rest of the population. Symlonith reminds him that she is old, and that she won't leave him to fight his last battle alone. She then tells him that even if their plan works, she knows she won't live long after leaving him. Leaving him to face his death alone will kill her.

She then tells him that she won't believe her son and grandchildren are dead, and that dying to give the remaining people a chance, and some hope, is a worthy cause.

Pakata still wants his wife to leave and go to safety, because he knows that they are unlikely to both be killed at the same time. He doesn't think he can take watching her die. And for that reason, he allows her stay. He knows that it would be even worse for her to know she would never see him again, and then have to say good bye. If she were to die in front of him, he could spend his last moments avenging her death - and he would have something to fight for. But if he were to send her away, she would spend her last days alone, and in mourning. This way, neither of them will have to live long without the other.

He also knows his wife, and is aware of the fact that she may very well be planning to stay, with or without his permission. The marriage vows of their people include a promise to fight all their battles side by side as a team, and he knows she takes that seriously.

He allows her to stay, if only because he knows that if she has his permission he will always know where she is, and they can spend the last of their time together, rather than separated.

The last moment of this scene is them standing on a balcony, laughing over their own insanity and stubbornness, as the approaching army spreads across the horizon.

For the love of each other, and the love of their family, they are going to face a brutal death. But they're going to face it together, and that gives them courage.

I really like this story for several reasons. They're an older couple, and they are still just as much in love as they day they were married. They are also facing the biggest challenge of their lives together, hand in hand, as a team. And they are doing it because they love each other, because they love their family, and because they both take their marriage vows as just that - vows. Not only is it the biggest challenge of their lives, but they are going to die. They know they're going to die, and they believe that their deaths will be worth it. And because of the love they have for each other, they can still find it in themselves to laugh.

I wanted to post this because this is the kind of picture I see when I think about love. Not that fluffy, flirty nonsense - as fun as it is. xD I find these kinds of love stories a little depressing, but inspiring at the same time. Everyone wants to have a happily ever after. What no one seems to realize is that a marriage takes a lifetime of hard work and sacrifice, and a lot of love, even when you don't feel like it - or are afraid.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! :)

We Don't Need It, Because...

Imagine you are at work. Imagine that two coworkers you know well have just accomplished something truly wonderful as part of a team. Now imagine that one coworker is talking about this accomplishment at every opportunity, and to anyone who will listen. The second coworker doesn't bring it up in conversations in which it has no place, and doesn't brag about it when the conversation does turn that way. But they don't turn away or change the subject when you bring it up. They simply smile, accept your congratulations, and go on with their day. 

I feel the need to write about modesty today. 

And I feel the need to for several reasons. First of all, I got into a debate that brought back some very painful memories, and that's what the debate was about. Second, a statistic I found online. And third, because I think that my views on it are different than what most people have. 

I had a very painful relationship a few years ago, and modesty was one of the core issues that caused problems. I had one opinion, and he had another. To give you some idea of what his idea constituted, exactly, he was arrested for sex crimes. He had a very...loose...definition of the word, if it even entered into his vocabulary. 

But it caused problems because of how self-esteem and modesty are linked in my mind. And I guess they're linked in a weird way, as compared to most people. 

In the example above, I wrote about modesty in a work context. Most people dislike braggarts, and value a modest attitude in that context. 

With that said, our society's approach to physical modesty is very strange. 

I am a woman. I have a woman's mind. Now, I can't say that all women's minds work the same way. But I know enough about the general picture that I feel I can accurately label things in a general way. 

First off, women are raised from childhood to value beauty. Second, we want attention from the men around us. And we want that attention to be positive. Third, the larger part of movies and television depicts beautiful women as getting that attention, and the ones that are unattractive not getting it. Fourth, the definition of beauty is so unrealistic it's absolutely ridiculous. Fifth, only two to four percent of women feel that they're beautiful. 

This is a potent combination. Have you ever wondered why women have such low self-esteem? This is why. Not for everyone, I'm sure, but I'm also pretty sure that this is a huge factor. 

We all want to be attractive. We all want to be beautiful. We all want that positive feedback. But there's something else I want to direct at male readers. 

Why do you think beauty matters to us so much? 

Because we want your attention, and beauty is a proven way of getting it. We use it because it works. And that's not all. We want to meet our society's idea of beauty. And we want to do that because that brand of beauty is what's shown as being effective in our goal - getting your attention. 

There are other reasons, of course. We all want to feel beautiful; we all want to feel as if we're attractive, whether it's for attention or not. But a lot of the time, the motivation for that is because we don't already feel that way, and need to look that way in order to feel better about ourselves. 

My idea of modesty is not the idea of completely covering your body because you're ashamed of it. But neither is it that we can flaunt it all we want. My idea of modesty is believing that you are beautiful, but having a modest attitude. Not flaunting it or drawing unnecessary attention to it. The same idea as in the example. 

Also, as a daughter of God, I believe I have an obligation to cover up more than the rest of the world. Perhaps the Bible doesn't have specific guidelines on what is and is not acceptable for a woman to wear. But I have a responsibility to show my good works, who I really am, more than my body. And wearing certain things will grab attention for the wrong reasons. 

Think about it for a moment. If a man is faced with a woman in a bikini and a woman in jeans and a loose t-shirt, which is he going to want to look at more? 

I want to be the woman in the jeans and a t-shirt. 

Not only do I feel I have a responsibility to be different, to show God's values to others, but I have other more personal reasons, too. 

When I attract attention for how I look, it's detracting from who I am. Not that I am less of a person because of that, but because someone is paying less attention to who I choose to be. What my character and personality are like. Because they are distracted. 

When I fall in love and get married, I want my husband to love my body because it's mine. I don't want him to want me because he loves my body. It's going to deteriorate. I won't always look like this. And because I want that kind of relationship, I choose to cover up. I want attention for who I am, and who I choose to be. I choose to cover up because the men who are looking for something shallow and fleeting will leave me alone. And that's the way I like it. 

I have the confidence to cover up and know I'm still beautiful - for all the right reasons. I know that physically I'm attractive. I've had my fair share of issues with it. But that's not what I want to be known for. I'm not super-skinny. I don't diet and work out because I want to feel sexy. I do it for my health. I don't wear nice clothes to look attractive or sexy. I do it because I'm a daughter and representative of God, and I need to present a clean, taken-care-of appearance to the rest of the world. 

This world has given women a toxic environment in which to grow up. And it's not likely to go away. And it's not likely to go away because the beauty tactics work. We want male attention. Well, guess what? Men are looking. 

"The second coworker doesn't bring it up in conversations in which it has no place, and doesn't brag about it when the conversation does turn that way. But they don't turn away or change the subject when you bring it up. They simply smile, accept your congratulations, and go on with their day."


Imagine a world where men and women view clothing in the same light. It might read something like this: 

The second coworker doesn't dress in a way to get attention, and doesn't feel the need to have that attention. But if someone compliments them on their appearance, they smile, thank them, and then walk away. They have no need of such compliments to feel good about themselves.  A good friend of mine took this during a photo shoot about modesty. My original plan was to do a series of photos, with a paragraph to describe the idea behind each one. I might still do that, but I wanted to do this first. :) My friend took several, but this was my favorite. To visit her Facebook page, you can click the link. She's an amazing photographer. :)

Why Treasure Planet is Such an Amazing Movie

My mother asked me recently why I like Treasure Planet so much. It's the sort of movie that I turn on every time it's on TV, and watch multiple times when we rent it. But I finally bought it recently, and I've been loving it! But then she asked me why I liked it so much, and I had to really think about it, because I wasn't sure.

It took me a while, but I think I've got it.

My favorite part of the movie is the beginning, going all the way up to the section with the song 'I'm Still Here.' I've always loved that song, and the part of the movie while it's playing is amazing.

The movie starts with Jim getting in trouble, and his mother talking to a family friend about the issues he's having with his life. In the first fifteen to twenty minutes of the movie, we find out that Jim's father left, and after that Jim was never the same.

Skip ahead to when they're on the ship, and Jim promptly gets into more trouble, picking a fight with someone bigger and stronger than him. The ship's cook, Mr. Silver, rescues Jim, and immediately scolds him for not doing the job he was supposed to be doing when he got involved in the fight. Later on that night, Silver asks if Jim's father taught him to choose his battles more carefully. Jim replies that his father was more the taking off and never coming back sort.

At that point, the audience already knows that Silver is planning on a mutiny against the captain, and, therefore, Jim and Doctor Doppler.

Since Jim is Silver's cabin boy, Silver is responsible for him, and makes that abundantly clear by telling him exactly what to expect. And Jim doesn't like what he hears.

At this point, the song 'I'm Still Here' starts playing. And this is where I really love this movie.

You get to watch a sped-up version of a transformation for both Jim and Silver.

Jim's already been portrayed as a troubled teen. You see him with his mother as a teenager the first time when he's been escorted home by two police officers. This image is only increased by his attitude toward Silver, Captain Amelia, and the rest of the crew.

Silver's transformation is a little less obvious, but if you've seen the movie before, you know that he's a selfish man, and obsessed with the treasure. He's lied to get what he wants, and he's constantly trying to 'get in good' with the captain and her first officer with oily flattery.

Jim doesn't trust Silver, doesn't believe in himself, and has been hurt very deeply by the fact that his father left him and his mother. The scene goes from current events to flashbacks. Flashbacks of his father ignoring him, not noticing something he accomplished and was proud of. But, for me, the most heart-wrenching moment was toward the end of the song, when Jim and Silver are at the small boat, and Jim has started to trust Silver. They untie the boat, and Silver gets in. You can see the look of expectation on Jim's face; he's started to trust Silver, to look at him as a father figure. Then Silver leaves Jim behind.

There's another flashback. Younger Jim runs down the stairs, sees his mother crying, and then runs outside. His father is leaving. Jim tries to catch him, but his father either doesn't notice or doesn't care, and leaves him hanging on the pier. We already know that his father never comes back.

Then it cuts back to the present, and Silver is there, waving for Jim to jump in.

Like Jim's father, Silver left. But unlike Jim's father, he came back.

Silver's transformation is a little less obvious. He's desperate for the treasure they're hunting, and he's willing to stab his captain in the back for it. After the song finishes, you find out that Silver became a cyborg, and gave up limbs and other things chasing a dream. I think it's safe to say that that dream was the treasure.

By getting close to Jim, Silver has jeopardized his position with his crew. In order to still go after his dream, he lies to his own crew about why he got close to Jim. He tells them he did it to distract Jim so he wouldn't find out about their plan.

But at the end of the movie, Silver is faced with a choice. He's been balancing his affection for Jim with his obsession for the treasure, and managing it, for the most part, until the very end.

The planet is going to explode, and he has a choice. He can save Jim, or he can go after the treasure. At first, he tries to do both. But when he discovers that's not going to work, he has a moment of indecision. And then he gives up his lifelong obsession to save Jim.

At the very end of the movie, Silver gives up what little of the treasure he managed to grab to Jim, to rebuild the inn he burned to the ground when he was after the treasure map.

They rebuild the inn, and Jim finds a future he didn't think he had.

That's why I love this movie. Two broken people learn to care for each other and that helps them learn to be better people. Jim needed a father figure to teach him to believe in himself, and Silver needed someone like Jim to teach him to love people rather than things. Because Jim trusted him, and loved him as a father, Silver learned to love him as a son, and to put more important things first.

I think they both learned valuable things, but I think Silver's lesson was the most powerful. Jim learned to believe in himself, but Silver learned about what love is, and that sometimes a lifelong dream isn't as wonderful as you've been telling yourself. That, maybe, once it's in your grasp, it won't turn out to be the most important thing after all. He learned that saving Jim was more important than the dream he'd had for years, had given up limbs for.

And that's why Treasure Planet is one of my favorite movies.