Dear Men Who Date Online,

I decided to try online dating for several reasons. One, I got sick and tired of the matchmaking attempts by friends and family. Two, I don't get to meet and know many people. At all. Three, I'm kind of hoping to find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And four, if I don't find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, more friends are always nice. 

Well, in my experiences in online dating, I've discovered there are a lot of one certain kind of man. 

"Hey gorgeous." 

That's a direct quote from a message I got recently. In fact, it's the whole message. 

I hate that with a passion. I despise that so much that this particular gentleman only got a message because I was irritated. It went something like this "not the kind of greeting I usually respond well to." 

Typically, those messages are not graced with a response. And there is a very good reason for that. 

I spend hours on my profiles. I do. It often takes me days. I write novels in them. And you couldn't find anything better to say than 'hey gorgeous'? 

Thanks. My personality obviously means a lot to you. You obviously read everything I wrote, and were so overwhelmed by my intelligence, humor, and personality that you couldn't think of anything to say except for an ungrammatical comment about my picture. 

Umm...no. 

I purposely never post a full body picture of myself on sites like that. My face causes me enough issues. So asking me for more pictures is another "you know, I'm really not that interested in someone who's more fascinated by my appearance than what I'm like as a person" moment. 

Yes, I understand that you (men) are more visually-oriented than women, and that they (you) are going to stare at women no matter what we do. I got that, okay? 

Now I have something for you to get. When I cover up or only put one or two pictures of myself on my profile, it's not because I think I'm ugly, or because I hate compliments. It's not because I don't want men to see me, and it's not because I have low self-esteem. 

It's because I want you to see something else about me. Something important to me. And I'm making it obvious to you by telling you flat out what it is I want you to notice. I spend days on my profiles! I tell you about me, and what's important to me. 

If you send me messages with "hey gorgeous" or anything like that, and it's the only thing you've said, then you have completely ignored me as a person - as well as what's important to me. 

My automatic response to such messages is to believe that you have not read what I wrote. Or, even worse, that you did read it, and completely ignored it. Either way, your priorities don't match mine, and in such an obvious way that I can tell by the first message. 

Which is why I don't write back. :) 

Good luck on your quest for love. Maybe this post taught you something to help you find it. I certainly hope so. 

Sincerely, 

A woman that dates online