silentauror's Blog, page 210
January 18, 2020
galwednesday:
fieldbears:
tindershwinder:
He unmatched me...
He unmatched me after this. I was just trying to be thorough
#what the FUCK#this kind of response is the ENTIRE POINT of this question @techtonicactivity
The only possible explanation is that this guy isn’t interested in dating, but is just crowdsourcing the best possible solution to his recent snail-related curse.
He is the snail
types of nap, ranked by me (an experienced napper)
the siesta: the oldest and most reliable form of nap! you go to sleep around noon. you wake up an hour or two later feeling well-rested and prepared to face the rest of the day. this is the pinnacle of nap perfection. 10/10
the businessman’s nap: you have a limited amount of time on your hands, so you schedule a nap into your packed timetable and set an alarm. you spend half the duration of the nap worrying that you’re wasting valuable nap time by lying awake, and the other half sunk into a torpor so deep that when your alarm rings, it takes you a good few minutes to remember your own name. once you’ve splashed some cold water on your face you feel much better. 7/10
EW STICKY: you were cold at first, so you piled on the blankets and wriggled into your favourite comfy sweater. this was nice. now you are awake and trapped in a horrible sweaty gordian knot of your own devising. this is not nice. when you peel off the sweater you find to your horror that you have left an actual damp patch behind on the bed, like some sort of giant dead fish that can’t stop leaking its gross fish juice everywhere. 5/10 it was at least cosy to start with
the interrupted nap: someone barges into your room and starts talking to you. “wtsfhggl?” you enquire. they give you a judgemental look, and ask why you are sleeping in the middle of the day. “ghhfshsxkls,” you reply, graciously. they tell you to get up. you get up. the rest of the day feels like an extension of whatever dream you are having before you were disturbed. you boil with quiet resentment and shame. 4/10
the unsuccessful nap: you are tired. you want to take a nap. you lie down. you wait. you wait. time moves sluggishly forwards. you wait. your brain feels like a cup of mushy porridge but your eyes refuse to close. the noise of your fan is infuriating. you wait. eventually, you are forced to accept that this nap is simply not going to happen, and you have wasted 45 minutes doing absolutely nothing. god fucking dammit. 2/10
the handy-dandy fast-forward button: you really just want this day to be over as soon as possible, and the best way you can think of to do that is to take a nap. you only meant to sleep for an hour, but when you wake up it is already evening. the day is over. you glean no satisfaction from this. you kill time until you feel justified in going back to bed again, and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sink back into the blissful stupor from which you so recently emerged. 0/10
The Unpleasantness: when you fall asleep, it is dark. when you awaken, it is light. this is the natural order of sleep, but perverted into a form that is frightening and wrong. you feel deeply unsettled and do not know why. are you sick? what does time mean? what does anything mean? maximum despair. -1000/10.
This post is +1000/10 true
lebritanyarmor:
cosmic-noir:
surprisebitch:
whitepeopletwitte...
When one of your customers spanks your ass
i thought it was about working in retail omg
Definitely also retail lmao
LMFAOOOO omg I thought it was retail too
Listen: it doesn’t matter what the job is. No one is allowed to touch you at work (or any other time) without your permission. No exceptions.
johnlockiseverywhere:
“Had she really thought I would not know him? I could recognise him by...
“Had she really thought I would not know him? I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”
The Song of Achilles (Madeline Miller)
❤️
schmergo:If you can’t dig up your own former jester’s skull, store bought is finerubberrhose:And...
If you can’t dig up your own former jester’s skull, store bought is fine
And then a skull.
And then a skull.
Sometimes you gotta say fuck it and buy a copy of hamlet
January 17, 2020
asherlockstudy:
sannapersikka:
At least this time the script...
At least this time the script got it right
Martin isn’t the only one who can “do that with a look”.
silentauror's Blog
- silentauror's profile
- 9 followers
