Rebecca Jones-Howe's Blog, page 15

Revisiting V.C. Andrews Books As A Grown-Ass Woman

I’m a little ashamed to admit that got into VC Andrews late into the game.

The dog-eared paperbacks frequented the shelves of the thrift stores I visited as a kid. So inviting. So tantalizing. A pretty girl’s face peeked through the keyhole on every cover, and then you’d open it to the stepback page behind it that revealed a horrified-looking family.

Always a girl. Always a boy seductively looking at her. In the background, there was always a hostile matronly figure. Clearly there was a formula, and for some reason, I wasn’t biting. I thought I knew better. Plus, I hated the idea of buying a book with a creased spine, and V.C. Andrews books always had creased spines. They were roughed-up. Castaways. Bad.

My First Dose of V.C Andrews

When I got into high school, I noticed that all the girls were reading V.C. Andrews. I’m not sure what eventually coaxed me to change my mind about indulging, but it was probably the hardcover first edition of Ruby that I found at the Salvation Army in 2003.

The jacket was a little roughed-up but I took the chance. It was a dollar.

And baby, I liked that shit right up.

I devoured the setting, the pure “she’s so pretty and naive!” protagonist. I loved all the horrible things that kept happening and happening, over and over. And yeah, the incest just kind of spiced it up a little.

So what’s the deal with V.C. Andrews?

I can’t consider myself a die-hard (yet!) but you only need to read a handful of them to understand what the deal is.

When the books were first published in the late 70’s, they were categorized as “gothic horror”, though in the 90’s they were marketed mostly as Young Adult fiction. Nevertheless, the books were controversial for featuring teenagers in the throes of adolescence. Plots were always chock full of sexual yearning, particularly of the incestuous variety.

Hyper-Melodramatic Family Saga Gothic Horror

This is essentually how I would describe the fiction of V.C. Andrews. Most of her books are formatted a 5-novel saga, the first three telling the story of the main protagonist, while the 4th usually tells the protagonist daughter’s story, and the 5th is a prequel of some variety telling the protagonist’s mother’s or grandmother’s story.

As with most mainstream fiction that women seem to devour, the plots are always full of melodrama, twists, lies and secrets.

Andrews herself only wrote 7 out of the 80+ novels published under her name. She died sometime in the middle of writing the infamous Dollenganger series (Flowers in the Attic). At the time, her books were insanely popular, so her family decided to hire a ghostwriter (a friggin middle-aged man, so get ready for a TON of references to breasts, people!) to continue using her formula to write more melodramatic insanity for future generations of teenage girls to secretly devour.

And breast-references aside, devour these novels they did.

The V.C. Andrews Plot Formula For Trashy Fiction Success

I don’t know what it is about our culture, but all this stuff is just like book-selling magic and is why I find V.C. Andrews so damn fascinating, even now that I’m 32 and know better than to read this garbage.

Nevertheless, this is what pretty much every V.C. Andrews novel will contain:

An Innocent & Pretty, Yet Completely Naive Female ProtagonistA Tragic Death A Rags to Riches PlotA Vivid Gothic SettingA Beloved Doting Paternal FigureA Hostile Maternal Figure (+ Bonus Mean Girl!)Some Good Olde School MisogynyIncest!Some Really Bad WritingFantastic Psychological Horror



My Re-Introduction to V.C. Andrews

So here I am nearly finishing the third draft of my novel. I hate my writing at this point. I’m so done. My nights are full of my teething infant son and I just need something to shut my brain off for just a little bit of time. So one day I spent the afternoon with my mom and the kids and we went to the thrift store, where I found only one V. C Andrews novel.

Fortunately for me, it was a copy of Dawn.

I hadn’t read many books in my teens. Often, it’s hard to read a series in order because there are always so many books to pick through and it’s impossible to get your hand on all of them in the other they need to be read in.

Back when I read Ruby, I couldn’t find the sequel anywhere, so I eventually skipped it and read books 3, 4, and 5 of the Landry series, which didn’t affect too much, though I did miss out on the part where [SPOILERS!] Ruby’s identical evil twin Giselle gets into some accident and ends up in a coma and Ruby puts some kind of Cajun curse on her or something, so when Giselle’s wakes up she’s paralyzed or something? [END SPOILDERS]

I don’t think it mattered much in the grand scheme of things, as the Bonus Mean Girl! character is pretty much there to make life worse for the Innocent & Petty, Yet Completely Naive Female Protagonist.

Anyway, so I got to my mom’s house and read most of Dawn while I was breastfeeding my son. And honestly, while the writing was horrible, I enjoyed every moment of Dawn. And then, well, I’ve since visited a few different thrift stores and the local used book store to stock myself up on more V. C. Andrews books.

And yes, I’m gonna read them all.

My V. C. Andrews Mission

In my teens, I read only a handful of V. C. Andrews before the formula bored me. I guess back then I knew better than to indulge in that cheese definition of insanity, but here I am now, wanting some nostalgia and to also up my reading count this year (which is super easy to do when you read trashy books).

So my plan here to read the classic stuff, as I’m not really into the new novels with vampires and missing girls and whathaveyou. I want the solid 80’s, 90’s 00’s stuff before the trends started to change.

In future blog posts, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on every book I read, while also including a rating based on the classic V.C Andrews formula I outlined above. Hopefully, this is something that my readers will look forward to. Also, I’m hoping that this nose dive into bad fiction won’t also ruin my own writing, though I do like to think that my work is inspired by V.C. Andrews in just the tiniest way.

I’m looking forward to this melodramatic adventure and I hope you are too!

UPDATE: The tagged archive of my “Grown-Ass V.C. Andrews Review” series is now live!

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How to Successfully Introduce Yourself as a Writer

A couple of weeks back, Dan Bell (who I mentioned previously) had a neat live-chat on his Instagram. He picked random people to chat with for about 5 minutes at a time. I submitted my name thinking that the odds of me getting picks were pretty decent. Lo and behold, midway into editing my novel, I was CHOSEN.

We talked mostly about “making it” as creative people and how creative drive motivates one to thrive. It was a great conversation, however, that conversation started with him asking what I did, followed by me saying, “I’m a writer.” Then he asked what kind of writing I did.

And guys, I totally fucked up:

Me: Fiction!

Dan: What kind of fiction?

Me: LyKe, I DunNoOOooOOOO, d4rk stuFFFFF? I have a short story collection! I’m currently werking on a novel lyKe R1ght NOWWWWWW. It’s dark. Like really dark.

I mean, I’m paraphrasing but I’m pretty sure that’s how I came off.

Have Some Damn Confidence

Look, if you’re trying to come off like a writer, then get your head up your ass a bit.

I don’t know why I always hold back when I tell people about my writing career. Typically, when I meet new people, I always say where I work first (because that’s how I make money) and THEN talk about “how I do some writing on the side”. This is always where people get interested and wanna know details and I ALWAYS HOLD BACK.

I cut myself down. I say that I have a short story collection but that my press screwed me over and that they can buy it if they want to but that I won’t get any money from it, just enough to buy this watch, which I wear with both pride and also with a bit of sadness. Like if my press didn’t screw me over, maybe I’d be making mortgage payments instead of having a fancy watch.

If you’re like me, just remind yourself of the shit you’ve accomplished. Like how you have a book with a nice matte cover. How you have Goodreads reviews. How you’ve made pro sales and also bought yourself shoes you didn’t need! How people have messaged or emailed you saying just how much your stories have meant to them.

Those things matter. You wouldn’t have those things if you weren’t a writer, so take some bloody pride in what you’ve done with your life, you poor ass loser.

Have an “Everyday” Elevator Pitch

If you’re a writer of any kind, you know what the elevator pitch is. I know it, but I also live in a mid-sized town in Canada. What are the chances that I’ll ever cross paths with a big-wig publisher? Never.

There were, however, 100 people in that chat who might be interested in my work. 100 potential readers! Everyone I come in contact with is a potential reader, and I need to have a proper “everyday” kind of elevator pitch for the people I meet.

What should that elevator pitch include?

What kind of fiction you write.Where people can read it.If you have a book and where they can buy it.A bit about your career and how it fits in your life.



Here’s my pitch:

I write neo-noir fiction. Neo-noir is more of a modern take on old film-noir tropes. It’s dark and introspective and sometimes borrows from other genres like horror science fiction or erotica. My short story collection is called Vile Men, which you can find online, though I do have some signed copies that you can buy from me directly.

Sometimes it’s hard to fit writing between work and life. Usually, I write at night before bed, though I do enjoy bringing my computer to work and writing during my breaks.

Plug Yourself

I never do this. I feel like a weird poser when I plug my website. Like it feels really nerdy and stupid but it’s also the easiest way for people to read about what I do. Like isn’t that the point of a website?

Post-Dan Bell chat Rebecca says: YES, THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF A WEBSITE.

So yeah, plug your site. Don’t be ashamed of it. If you’ve put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into your site as I have, then you might as well encourage people to look at it. Or you can just use Squarespace. All the sponsored YouTube creators tell me it’s really easy, but what do I know?

Get Business Cards

Might feel like overkill, but when Vile Men first came out I figured I might as well be legit. Business cards (even nice ones!) are quite inexpensive these days and are really easy to hand out. I’ve given a few of my mixed batch “quote cards” to coworkers and they always get a fun reaction.

I made mine at MOO and was happy with their double-sided matte cards. I love that you can choose different photos for the same batch of cards, so when I hand mine out to friends they like to go through them to find their fave.

Embrace the Stereotype

We all know that writers don’t actually make money. We all know it going in and yet we strive for some kind of greatness that we’ll statistically never achieve, which is a joke, honestly. It’s THE joke about being a writer. You gotta get down on yourself to preserve your own sanity.

I write to preserve my sanity.

So yeah, I’ll joke about how I made 22 cents last months on my self-published Amazon erotica.

I’ll joke about how my small press screwed me over.

And I’ll joke about I’m a 30-something grown-ass woman working a “shitty retail job” in order to write. And then people will reference how J.K. Rowling made it big and they’ll say that one day it might happen to me and that they should get my autograph now before I’m a big name and I’ll roll my eyes and humble myself and call myself a loser and a bad writer and I’ll spend an entire night watching urbex YouTube videos instead of writing and I’ll curse myself for not taking my career seriously.

BUT, at least the next time I end up on some obscure online celebrity chat experience, I’ll be ready.

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Summer Memory Songs

There’s a new playlist on my Spotify of songs I’ve listened to during previous summer. It’s a cool feature, but I’ve only been a Spotify subscriber for a couple of years. Unfortunately, the playlist was not an accurate representation of summer’s past.

Summer nostalgia might be easy for today’s youth, but we senior Millennials gotta dig into the memory cache for those songs that trigger peak summer nostalgia. Here’s a list of a few of my actual summer songs:

“Promise Me” – The Birthday Massacre

I used to frequent this Ruby Gloom forum in 10th grade (never watched the cartoon but I liked the goth chicks on the forum). One of the forums mentioned The Birthday Massacre and I was changed for life. This song is from their 2002 album Nothing and Nowhere.

I loved the new wave influences the low quality of the recording. The entire album is pure magic, but my personal favourite is “Promise Me” for its catchy opening and its vivid romantic lyrics. The line, “We will stumble home together as we did the night before” always rung through my teenage summer evening frolics. I didn’t drink back then, but I do have a lot of memories wandering the neighbourhood streets until the sun fell and the moon rose, bringing with it the relief of summer night breeze.

“Yesterday Never Tomorrows” – The Stills

The mid-00’s found me headed down a path of musical hipster-dom, and 2003 was when The Stills’ first album, Logic Will Break Your Heart came out. I feel like that was the epitome of what a Canadian hipster listened to back in the day. It’s still one of my favourite albums and one that I listened to often during this week in August of 2003 when we had one long week of rainy days right before school started up again. It was like absolute heaven, and I still listen to this album and still fondly remember that transition from summer to fall.

“Conspiracy” – Paramore

Back in 2005, PureVolume was this neat early-Spotify kind of site for emerging artists to promote themselves. I found a lot of great new music to listen to back then, (including Lady Gaga!) but Paramore was one of those bands that hit me. This was right smack dab in the middle of the emo music era and my dad even let me pre-order their debut album.

It didn’t come out early enough for me to bring their music on my first “adult” camping trip without any parent around. We made some great memories that summer, and my Paramore album was waiting for me when I returned home. I still have memories of that summer when I listen to All We Know Is Falling. It’s kind of like a coming-of-age album for me.

“Miracle” – Paramore

Paramore’s second album, RIOT!, came out in summer of 2007, which was right when my sister and I moved out of my parent’s house and into our own apartment. Honestly, I had a lot of spite for this album because it was called RIOT! in all caps with a bloody exclamation point, cashing in on all those high school emo vibes too late. Being 20 at the time, I was pretty much done with the emo stuff, but first single “Misery Business” aside (which is terrible), I can admit that there’s a lot in this album that I could appreciate. “Miracle” is the song that still springs a lot of nostalgia for that time, which was mainly walking to work listening to my iPod.

Truth time: Summers when you work retail suck pretty hardcore because you never really feel like it’s summer. It’s all just a brutal slog of wanting to participate in parties and camping trips and not being able to because you didn’t book off time in advance or you have to work early the next morning. #fuckcapitalism

“Deep Blue” – Ladytron

I don’t have a lot of summer memories from my 20’s, mainly because all my summers were spent working. And working. And working. Then in 2009, I found myself alone a lot of evenings writing it up with fierce intensity. I wrote a bunch of stories and a novel called Lessons for a Compulsive Liar that I thought was amazing (it wasn’t).

That summer was the first one I spent seriously writing, and Ladytron’s Velocifero accompanied many of my late nights slamming the keys. Sure, the novel was bad, but I still managed to salvage the protagonist, Jonah, in my short story, “Grin on the Rocks”. You can read it in Vile Men.

“Is There Somewhere?” – Halsey

I got into Halsey in summer of 2015, right before my cousin’s wedding in Canmore, Alberta. I was 6 months postpartum, my daughter was barely crawling and I was still struggling with the last pains of my postpartum depression. It was my first vacation with a child and I struggled a lot. Luckily, my mom watched her most evenings and I could breathe a little sigh of relief that I could go out an have a couple of drinks and feel like myself again.

Halsey kind of helped me out, with her emotional lyrics and atmospheric tunes. I remember in particular one night when my parents watched Maggie so us younger people could have an evening out at a pub in downtown Canmore and this song played.

“Home” – Weekend Wolves

Summer of 2017 wasn’t exactly any feat of memories, save for one thing, which was the overpowering haze of smoke from the BC wildfires. I worked a lot of early morning shifts that summer, and most of my waits at the bus stop every morning consisted of me watching a giant orange sunrise through a thick batch of smoke.

Spotify recommended this song to me on one of my weekly playlists. I’d listen to it on the bus every morning because it so captured that post-apocalyptic look of this orange orb rising over a grey city in the valley.

“Tumbling Lights” – The Acid

I discovered this one through HBO’s limited series adaptation of Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects (mah favourite novel!). The show was pretty much praised for its music, but the two songs by The Acid (this one and “Ghost”) were woven through the episodes in the best kind of creepy way. I loved watching the show late night with my windows open so the evening breeze could dry a bit of the sweat off my skin. There are some good times to not have AC, and watching Sharp Objects was definitely one of them.

I added a lot of the Sharp Objects soundtrack to my novel playlist, but it’s that opening sequence of “Tumbling Lights” that brings me back to those late evenings I spent finishing the last chapters of my novel.

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Where the Hell Have I Been?: An Update

Well, I was doing well for about a month there. Candidness is a hard thing to maintain on a regular basis, especially when I’m trying to balance said candidness between writing and parenting.

Here’s what I was doing while I wasn’t here.

I Was Finishing a Story

I was working on my first short story, which I mentioned here, and submitted it to a crime erotica anthology. I give myself way too much time to be critical when editing my short fiction. Too much of my time ends up spent in my story instead of in reality. Not sure if any writers are the same or if y’all can separate yourself from your work.

I quite like the feeling of “writer high” when I’m working my retail job, but shuffling my fiction brain with this maternity leave mom brain is pretty brutal. Every night awake felt like a major sacrifice. It got to the point with the editing process that I realized that I was changing the same words back and forth with every revision. Eventually, I just formatted the thing and sent it in.

Now I’m just a nervous wreck waiting for a response. Being a writer is such a blast.

I Was Becoming a Better Parent

So I mentioned previously that I wasn’t dealing with much postpartum depression. I’m definitely not “suffering” but I still get the occasional bout of “deadness”, along with the occasional bout of racing thoughts. Some nights I find myself unable to sleep because I get paranoid about people breaking in. Normal stuff, right?

I’ve had to cut back on evening caffeine because it’s been MESSING ME UP at night.

The toughest part about being a parent again isn’t actually having a new baby. I’ll definitely be writing a more detailed post about this, but I’ve been having a hell of a time dealing with my firstborn. She’s going through all the stages right now and sometimes I can’t friggin’ take it. She whines more. She doesn’t understand that I can’t use both hands when I’m breastfeeding. I’m splitting my time between her and the baby. She’s also at that age where she’s asking all the bloody WHY questions and sometimes I just get sick of trying to creatively handle it.

We’ll be watching Incredibles 2 and she’ll ask, “Why are her powers that she can disappear?” I’ll say, “Because those are her powers.” Then she’ll ask, “But why are those her powers?” I’ll say, “Because those are just her powers.” She’ll ask, “But…why?”

BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE POWERS THAT THE WRITERS CHOSE TO BESTOW HER WITH I DON’T KNOW FOR FUCK’S SAKE I HONESTLY CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.

I’ve Been (Supposedly) Editing My Novel

I have to laugh because I’ve only just started editing my novel. I do a little every night and end up feeling insanely guilty when I only edit a scene in an hour.

I know it’ll come back. The drive will return.

My husband’s been working like 12 hours days every night and I’ve been trying to give him a chance to rest, so when he finally gets home with the frozen pizza I usually take the kids to have a bath so he can have like 15 minutes to himself. I feel like a single mom with a dude that just lives in my house form time to time and makes me dinner. It sucks. Everything sucks.

I’ve done my best. I’ll get back to writing in short order. I refuse to feel guilty about how long this novel’s been taking me. All my writers are publishing books and getting stories published at pro-pay markets. I’m just trying to get my kid to eat her bloody grilled cheese for dinner.

We’re all in different stages. No guilt. I refuse to feel guilt.

I’ve Been Watching Dan Bell Videos on YouTube

I’m not gonna pretend like I’ve been living it up. I’m exhausted, honestly, and the idea of writing is gruelling. It’s the last thing I want to do at the end of the night.

So yeah, I’ve been binging on Dan Bell videos. Who is Dan Bell, you might ask? He’s a Youtube filmographer primarily known for his short films on dead malls, the videos of which you can watch here.

My obsession started with dead mall stuff, and then I watched the insanely creepy Leakin Park documentaries and his old urban exploration videos and then I needed something lighter so I got into Another Dirty Room (wherein he and some friends explore some nasty motels) and now I’m watching all the ADR live feeds (I’m watching this one right now!)

His content is 100% up my alley and I find his voice really soothing. So if you’re into retro nostalgia, abandoned places, creepy things and a little bit of raunchy humour, you’ll love him too. He’s the most underrated content creator on YouTube.

What Have You Been Doing?

I feel like summer is always that time when you feel like you’re going to have free time and you literally never do. So how have you been? Working like normal? Taking vacations? Going to weddings? I just went to my only summer wedding last weekend and it was quite nice not having the kids for a night.

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6 Things I Hate About Summer

One of my least favourite times of the year is fast approaching. We’re already in the thick of it here in Kamloops B.C. Summer officially starts this Friday and today it’s gonna be 33 degrees (94.1 for you Americans). People usually shun me for hating summer, especially living in a city known for its hot dry summers, but quite frankly, you live where you live and you’re allowed to hate the weather.

There are some good things about summer. Maybe one of these days I’ll make a list. In the meantime, here are six of the things I hate about summer:

Summer Clothes Suck

Look, I’m a girl who loves her sleeves. I’ve got the thick-ass arms and unfortunately, I can’t work past my patriarchal conditioning and just love myself entirely, so I want my shirts to have sleeves. Any shirts I own that don’t have sleeves need to be covered with some kind of short-sleeved cardigan and I don’t care WHAT they say; there is no such thing as a summer cardigan you can feel comfortable in.

I also hate shorts. My thighs rub together, and no, I can’t just buy longer shorts. Mainly because they don’t exist, and also because my legs are only so long that any shorts longer than a few inches will just look like flood pants on me and we don’t want that.

I prefer skirts, under which I wear those skin-tight anti-thigh-chafing shorts which work wonders BUT also lock in the thigh sweat. It’s still better than having my legs stick to the chair whenever I go out for lunch but honestly, any form of sweat between my thighs is just unpleasant and awful and sends me into a fury of murderous rage. Thigh sweat makes me want to die. As a point of note, I WILL say that I quite like the thigh shorts with the lace trim on the bottom, because at least when your skirt rides up and people see my wild thunder thighs it looks kinda cute.

PRO-TIP: My of my hate for summer clothes comes from my many years of curvy girl problems. Honestly, just a nice range of t-shirts and knee-length skirts with bike shorts will get you by. Go full-on 80’s summer mom vibes with the high waist cotton skirt and some loose shirts and you’re gonna, like, survive, at least.

The Bad Foot Tan

Usually, when I go outside for summer it’s just to walk from one air-conditioned space to another, and I swear to God, I get a sandal tan even from 2 minutes of sun exposure. It’s the only curse of being half-Filipino and having ace tanning genes.

I used to take pictures of my bad foot tan year after year. I also once tried to remedy the issue with self-tanning lotion but that stuff is far too orange to match my real-tan skin tone it just looked like I spilled Tang all over my feet and never bothered to wash it off.

PRO-TIP: Go out with different shoes every time you spend extended trips outside. The tan kind of balances out between shades it’s like natural foot contouring.

Not Having Air-Conditioning

My parents couldn’t afford AC so I grew up in a hothouse every summer. The nice thing about childhood is that you walk away with few memories of the awful stuff. Later in life, though, I lived in an apartment with my sister that had a little living room AC, which was fine. Then I lived in a garbage townhouse without AC and that was when we got a portable air conditioner one summer, which was nice but also LOUD and I couldn’t watch movies on the TV with the Playstation on and vacuum and have the AC on at the same time.

The house my husband and I bought doesn’t have AC either and the absolute worst part of the day is the late evening after the sun sets and it’s actually cold outside but there’s already a swarm of mosquitos out there ready to take my blood, so I’m literally stuck in this hot ass house sweating pools over my computer.

I tell myself every year that THIS is gonna be the year that I get central air installed, but something garbage happens every summer that eats all my savings. This time it was our hot water tank that needed to be replaced. Hopefully next year?

PRO-TIP: Once the sun’s set and the temperature of your house matches the temperate outside, crack open ALL THE BLOODY WINDOWS so the evening breeze can work its way in and get some of the hot air out.

EXTRA PRO-TIP: If you can’t sleep in your disgusting sweat-stained bed, get out your early ’00s sarong or other light fabric, soak it up in ice-cold water and wring it out and use that shit as a sheet.

Weddings

I forgive you for having a summer wedding. I get it. But I hate getting dressed for these things, ESPECIALLY if the wedding is outside and I gotta put on this cheap polyester dress I bought last minute AND do full-face makeup AND curl my hair with my curling iron AND wear heels that my sweaty feet are gonna get all blistered in AND somehow enjoy the reception even though I now smell like swass.

PRO-TIP: The older you get, the fewer weddings you have to go to. You also don’t have to go to weddings if you don’t have friends.

People Who LOVE Summer

Again, I get it. I do I do I do.

It’s okay to love summer and it’s okay to talk about how 38 degrees with no breeze and no clouds in the sky is great weather. It’s okay to hate me for hating the heat.

BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS just let me post my Halloween memes without freaking out at me. Give me the freedom to look forward to something. You don’t see me getting mad at you for wearing your short-shorts on a 20-degree day in March.

PRO-TIP: Get a parasol. You’ll walk through summer with your own personal shade to throw, plus you’ll look classy and super goth AF.

Wildfires

Summer means wildfires. It’s scary. 2003 was a bad year for them here in BC, but now it’s EVERY. DAMN. YEAR. I’m tired of spending every August in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I worry about the kind of summers my kids will have in the future. I worry about a lot of things wildfire-related but hey, now this post is depressing AF.

PROS?: More smoke = less sun, so it’s not as hot. Also, more smoke means fewer weddings, unless you’re having a post-apocalyptic wedding, which I wouldn’t actually mind being invited to. I bet the photos will be rad.

Do you hate summer?

What’s the worst part? I thought about adding “mosquitos” to this list but I didn’t because who doesn’t hate mosquitos? Jon and I just bought this mosquito repeller and it actually friggin’ works. Worth the $70, even though the refills are still $30 each. And, if you’re a summer fan, don’t flip out at me here. Go outside and get sunburnt.

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Tales of a Secular Christian: “Marilyn Manson”

In an attempt to talk more openly about my Christian faith, I’ve decided to bluntly share my upbringing in a series I’m calling “Tales of a Secular Christian”, wherein I share how my public school education melded with my church upbringing. (Thanks Mom and Dad, for being too poor to put me into Christian school!) I hope to share a bit about how various secular elements have given me the progressive Christian perspective that I have today.

So I recently saw this killer Marilyn Manson beach towel on Killstar and I was like, HOLY SHIT I NEED THAT. But then I thought a little harder. You know, about how I literally never go swimming. About how I never remember to bring a towel on the very rare occasions that I do go swimming. And then about how I didn’t need to spend approx $35 CDN + shipping on a beach towel that would only be appropriate for the small fraction of occasions where I’d go swimming somewhere that wasn’t a pool of one of my Baby Boomer church family members.

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Entertainment Round-Up: Spring 2019

I’ve had a bit of a dry spell in TV time since my son was born. Having kids does greatly limit your ability to watch non-child-friendly entertainment, but here I am doing my best. Like, sure, I can watch all I want with my infant son around, but being off work means that my daughter’s also always around, which means that it’s kid-friendly Netflix all up in here most of the time.

Nevertheless, it’s nice when I can slot in a weekend night with the husband, or spare a little late night writing time to indulge in some stuff to inspire me. So, in the spirit of my book round-ups, here’s a nice little compilation of the media I’ve enjoyed this spring.

Bonding

One of the only redeeming parts of the Heathers TV remake was Brandon Scannell’s gender-queer rendition of Heather Duke. I could not get enough of him. So I was stoked when I found out that he would be starring alongside Zoe Levin in a Netflix show about a dominatrix and her (at first) unwilling bodyguard. Honestly, this show is exactly everything I could ask for. Funny. Dark. Dirty. Candid. Tragic. Real.

Definitely an RJH certified watch.

This is not NSFW.







Gay of Thrones

Yes, I watched Game of Thrones. Yes, I was disappointed.

Thre are plenty of articles that delve into the many reasons why the final season sucked it hardcore, but let’s talk about better things. Particularly Gay of Thrones, which I’ve gleefully enjoyed since its debut in GoT’s season 3. Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness has been an entertaining recapper over the years, identifying each of the show’s expansive list of characters with varied pop culture nicknames. I’m gonna miss this little show more than Game of Thrones.

Spoilers, obviously!







Hayden Thorpe

I was pretty upset when I discovered that my favourite band, Wild Beasts, split up last year. The band was something different, something special, but what struck me most was lead singer, Hayden Thorpe’s falsetto vocals. He killed me. He gave me goosebumps. So I was stoked to find that he was working on a solo album, which released this week. I’m gonna listen to it and write some sad stuff pretty soon.

Barry

With Game of Thrones over, my husband and I decided to pick up a new show, so we’re now catching up on Barry. It’s exactly what I need right now.

The Majority Report

My husband and I have been hitting the podcasts pretty damn hard as of late. It used to be I’d listen to a lot of news podcasts while getting ready for work. I don’t go out as much now, so I’ve found myself with less time for news consumption. Oddly enough, there are mornings when my daughter is alright with me casting daily live streams of The Majority Report onto the television.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to most people that I lean very left politically. What I like about Majority Report is the split in leftist viewpoints. They also dunk on Dave Rubin a lot. And I love the bashing on Joe Biden, too:

Harvey Girls Forever!

So I mentioned kid Netflix when I opened this post. I won’t lie. My daughter watches a lot of it. And she watches the same damn shows all the damn time and if I have to watch that “Squeaky Peeper Panic” episode of Abby Hatcher Fuzzy Catcher again I WILL KILL MYSELF. Toddler television is actual Hell on Earth.

One day I managed to get my kid to watch this “older kid show” instead, and it has been a joyous affair. It makes me think of Hey Arnold! or Recess or other “neighbourhood” kind of shows that I grew up with. Plus, it’s got a diverse cast and some good messages mixed in with some of the kid gross-out comedy. My daughter’s favourite character is Lotta because she thinks she’s cool and beautiful. I like Lotta because she’s a plus-sized queen who knows she’s beautiful. Honestly, I love this show for that reason alone. My daughter picked up a different attitude about size standards from TV, and I hope that attitude continues because all those Disney princess movies sure did a number on my self-esteem about my size over the years.

This is the kind of show that makes me miss childhood, and that says a lot.







What About You?

Any shows you’ve been binging? Was Game of Thones’ finale a bummer for you too?

What are you looking forward to this summer? I’ve been considering Chernobyl and want to get back into The Handmaid’s Tale but I don’t know if I can handle stuff that dark at the moment.

The post Entertainment Round-Up: Spring 2019 appeared first on REBECCAJONESHOWE.COM.

Style Guide: Pattern Mixing Like A Boss

I’m just gonna pat my own back here: one of the most frequent comments I receive about my clothing choices is how good I am at pattern mixing. It’s definitely become the most fun about discovering fashion and developing my own looks.

I’ve always been a visual person. I love patterns and textures and colour. They really do make me happy and help stabilize my moods. People often tell me that they could never pull off some of the bold looks I do, or that they have no idea how to mix patterns. If you feel the same, I want to assert that YES, YOU CAN MIX PATTERNS LIKE A PRO.

Allow me to prove it to you with my very first Style Guide. I’m gonna start with the easiest introductory pattern mixing rules and build up to some of the more “complicated” ones. With a little confidence, you’ll be mixing patterns like a true qween in no time.

Botanical + Geometric

The first rule for pattern mixing that I usually see is to mix stripes with floral. It’s virtually a staple that we see everywhere, and while I stand by it, I have found myself getting a little bored with it. Floral will pretty much go with any geometric. I know some geometric prints like gingham, plaid or houndstooth can get pretty intense, but if you’re starting out, mix your floral with some stripes or polka dots. It’s foolproof.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Apr 28, 2018 at 6:17pm PDT

Match Colour

Another great “introductory” rule to remember is to match your pattern colours. In this example, I’m following the botanical + geometric rule while also using my lilac polka-dot top to match the softer grey tones in the floral skirt.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Jan 7, 2018 at 1:52pm PST

Big + Small

When pattern mixing, you want to ensure that one pattern still holds attention over the other. There needs to be a dominant part of the outfit to focus on. Here I’ve got a Christmas example where I mixed my busy daintily-printed poinsettia skirt with a larger buffalo gingham. Even though the skirt is very busy, the larger print still ends up pulling attention. It also pulls the red of the berries in the skirt, which unifies the look.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Dec 15, 2017 at 6:22pm PST

Go Monochrome

It’s hard to go wrong pairing black and white patterns. In this one, I’m going with double the graphic print. The nice thin with black and white is that it also allows for the addition of colour.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Sep 24, 2018 at 6:04pm PDT

Utilize A Colour Palette

Think of an outfit like a room you’re designing. When you design a room you typically follow a colour palette. So, when putting an outfit together, think of the busiest piece as the palette. In this super pregnant example, I used my long cardigan and pulled the violet/blue stripes with my leopard dress. To add some extra boldness, I also pulled the blue with a skinny belt.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Jan 30, 2019 at 9:58pm PST

Animal Print Can Be Neutral

Plenty of people are calling leopard print a neutral. I can agree to that statement to some degree. (Really, I just need to invest more leopard print so I can properly test this theory.) That being said, I do find that most animal prints can be utilized in a neutral manner if adhering to the colour schemes. I’ve provided two examples here.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Feb 7, 2019 at 11:12pm PST

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Jan 29, 2019 at 10:18pm PST

Anchor Colours

Once you’ve got that all down, you can add further appeal to a look by adding solid colour blazer, tights, glasses, eyeshadow or even your lipstick. The mass of colour acts as an anchor for the ensemble and will definitely catch attention.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Feb 6, 2018 at 4:11pm PST

Utilize Patterned Accessories

If top + bottom pattern mixing is a bit too intimidating you can always match your scarf or your belt (or in my case, tights) to another garment.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Mar 15, 2018 at 6:15pm PDT

When In Doubt, Don A Belt

Maybe you’ve followed all the above and you’re still unsure. Your best is to put a belt on to break the patterns. Below is an example of an outfit I put together with a skirt that I struggle with mixing in new ways. I love its bold print and colour, but I’ve only ever managed to mix it with stripes. I managed to find this great vertical-striped floral top that mixes really well. It’s got similar colours and contrasts with the skirt, but without the belt, I feel that the patterns would meld together.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Jan 30, 2018 at 1:39pm PST

Mix with Abandon!

Once you’ve got it all down, you basically do whatever the hell you want. In this one I’m pairing a botanical with a neutral, a big print with a small print, and a monochrome print with a colour print.

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A post shared by Rebecca Jones-Howe (@rebeccajoneshowe) on Oct 15, 2017 at 3:05pm PDT

So that’s it!

As I’ve mentioned at the beginning of this post, I love colour and patterns. I love fashion. Taking risks is a simple way to build confidence and be a little more daring in my day-to-day life. Fashion doesn’t need to be vain or superficial. It’s fun and inclusive and feel-good. Anyone can step out of their comfort zone. Even you.

So please let me know if my tips help you. Share your Instagram profile if you choose to take pictures of your ensembles. I’d love to see them!

The post Style Guide: Pattern Mixing Like A Boss appeared first on REBECCAJONESHOWE.COM.

Moodboard: Phantom Pains

So I’m working on a new story. I teased it a little in my last post and I’m wary about saying much more. It’s kind of unwritten first rule as a writer to not talk about your WIP, the working title of which is “Phantom Pains”.

It’s gonna be dark and sexy. Like always. Most of my stories adhere to a “formula”. I’m okay with that. I do like to infuse genre elements to my stories too, and this one has some hardboiled crime fiction grit that I’ve been having a lot of fun embracing.

Do you know what’s hard, though? Moving from the novel back down to writing short fiction. For a while, I was in my short story PRIME. I could cram any plot into a 2500 word limit. Then I had to write a novel and every scene needed to be expanded in order to produce a book worth paying $25 dollars in hardcover for.

Well, now I’m back to minimalism. I’ve written my first draft and it’s over the 3500 words the submission call is asking for. So now I’m down to slashing. I’m rewriting scenes. I’m slashing, cutting dialogue, saying more by saying less.

I love the pressure.

I feel like creativity thrives in limitations.

That being said, most creatives only thrive this way for so long. I dream of churning out fiction like L. Ron Hubbard before his Scientology days. That’s like legit full-time writer realness right there. I want the sweat over the keyboard part, but obviously not the Scientology.

I wanna churn out new 2500 words stories for publishing and the occasional 1500 words story exclusive for Patreon followers. Legit writer goals right?

The post Moodboard: Phantom Pains appeared first on REBECCAJONESHOWE.COM.

Building A Writer Platform

I know that I’m not the only writer who struggles with keeping a blog regularly updated. It shouldn’t be this hard. It’s writing. It’s what I do. Yet, here I am typing out this crap mere hours before the series finale of Game of Thrones. Oh, the pain of building a writer platform.

I’ve spent a lot of time on Pinterest this past week, looking for blogging tips and social media tips. It’s important to establish a routine, yes. It’s hard now, but it’s only going to be more difficult when I go back to my retail job in under a year. These Pinterest posts, though? Not helping.

I Just Want To Build A REAL Platform!

Honestly, I’m really sick of click-bait content that hypes success like a formula (and I’ve written about this before). Look up “lifestyle blog tips” and it’s a bunch of rehashed advice on monetizing content, driving traffic, growing my email list and mastering SEO optimization and Google search result rankings.

First, I don’t understand any of that.

Second, all this stuff makes me feel like I’m a dumb idiot nerd in high school again.

How I feel when a lifestyle blogger tells me to find a “profitable niche” and to download a social media post scheduling app to monetize my blog.

Reading about these new things always stresses me out. I don’t wanna figure out how to use a new app right now. I’m just an emerging author trying to build a decent writer platform. I just want a little nudge in the right direction. A little pat on the back. I want to start small and sensible.

So, here’s my real plan for Author Lifestyle Blog Platform Domination. I mean, this list is just for me, but maybe it’ll help you? Like, I’m not gonna pretend to be some master that makes $698 a month off affiliate posts or anything. I’m just like you. I’m starting out. I just want people to like me. So I’m making myself some rules:

Maintain a Writing Routine

First thing’s first, if I’m gonna be a writer, then writing’s what I’ve gotta do. So, as I mentioned in last week’s post, my goal is to write 500 words OR edit for at least an hour every day. I want to say No Exceptions, but I already made an exception last week because of all the baby farts.

No matter! I’m human and I can make excuses from time to time. The whole point is getting back on the bike, and I did eventually manage to do that. I wrote a couple of sex scenes for my new story while falling asleep in bed.

Maintain a Regular Blog Posting Schedule

So my plan was to post a “personal” or “foundation” sort of blog on a Monday, and then a smaller post on a Thursday. That already hasn’t worked, so I’m doing more of a Tuesday/Friday kind of thing? Then I missed last Friday’s post so I’m looking at a post a week sort of scenario. Who knows how long I’m gonna manage to hold that up?

One of the things that many of the lifestyle bloggers suggest is actually planning blog posts and scheduling them in advance. I do plan on getting myself into that kind of routine, but routines are hard to establish in the first place. And there’s no way in hell that I’m gonna shell out money for somebody’s blog planning printouts until I know for sure that I can manage to churn out a thought-provoking self-absorbed post every week in conjunction will all the fiction writing I plan to do.

That said, I know that I can do it. I won NaNoWriMo once and statistics prove that it takes about one month to establish a routine. The real question is whether or not the ambition is there. Only time’s gonna tell.

Maintain A Social Media Schedule

I’ve been quite shit at maintaining my Facebook author page, though the blog post updates are helping. My Twitter is virtually a ghost town. (I’m trying to be witty again, but it’s hard to maintain that wit up to Twitter’s pace, man.) I’m decent with Instagram. It’s not hard to keep up with the one-post-a-day formula but sometimes I forget.

I’m not even gonna think about Pinterest right now. Apparently, Pinterest can generate a lot of traffic if you’re creating the write blog titles and create the right graphics and repin the right stuff. What bugs me most about social media is following this magic “formula” that achieve success. Not only is the formula stressful, but it’s also aggressive and manipulative and lacks all creativity.

Maybe it’s not the best “get rich quick” formula to make a post a day about stuff that is honest and that I care about, but that’s what I’m gonna do. I need honest followers, and then when posting once a day on my chosen platforms gets daunting, then maybe I’ll consider that post scheduling app.

Send My Novel Out

So clearly the key to a proper “writer platform” is having a platform to stand on. Clearly that platform is my writing. I still need to finish editing my debut novel so I can send it to that literary agent that contacted me last April. I hope he still remembers me. I hope I won’t be too late.

My novel is a psychological horror/thriller. I don’t want to say that it’ll be “the next Gone Girl” (because everyone says that) but I really want it to be the next Gone Girl. The beta reader response to my second draft was hella good. One of my readers (and lovely writer friend!), Sarah Read, told me that my novel was “going to punch husbands in the fucking face” and I will never not smile when I read that. It’s the beta reader feedback that keeps me going.

Start A Patreon

This would literally be just so I could earn some money so I can write more and hopefully work my real job on a more part-time basis. Ideally, I would love to be a full-time writer. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I do love that Patreon exists to artists can achieve those full-time dreams while also connecting in a personal way with their fans.

At this point, I’m wary about what sort of “perks” I could offer. I still need to do some research as to how other authors have successfully utilized Patreon as a source of income. I’m not about to start perusing this path until I can meet my prior goals, but if you are a fan of my writing and might consider sending me money to help me do what I love, I would appreciate hearing from you.

Am I Missing Anything?

Am I?

How do I build myself a lifeboat in the ocean of yacht-living lifestyle bloggers? If you’re a writer with some experience with building a writer platform, feel free to share some advice.

If you’re a reader of mine, let me know what keeps you coming back here. Is it the mom stuff, the writer stuff, or the hybrid of mom-writer-shopping-addict lifestyle that keeps you coming back? Or maybe you just like hot stories with literary chops like I used to write. Is that it? What kind of Patreon perks would you pay a buck a month for?

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