Rachael Eyre's Blog, page 5

Free Promo: Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

Beginning today and finishing Friday 24th May, Diary of a Teenage Lesbian is free on Amazon!

Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.

It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?

The Stages of Writing a Novel

1) Post Book Blues

You've completed your latest novel and slide into a pool of despondency. Life feels stagnant and empty. You try to distract yourself with books or TV, but you're acutely aware that the number one thrill - working on a creative project - eludes you. Like a break up, you know your book is out in the world somewhere, out of your hands. And if it gets a bad review or disappears down the back of the Amazon sofa, you're expected to grin and bear it. It's not like anyone's died, though it may feel that way to the more emo among us.

This phase may last anything between a month and a year. If you're an indie author, it's imperative you publish on a regular basis or you'll be forgotten.

2) Smitten

Your new idea appears in all its glory, whether you're at work, commuting or (as happens to me surprisingly often) going around M&S. (Perhaps I should buy shares). You scuttle home and start writing while the breath of inspiration is upon you.

The early days of writing a novel are strikingly similar to a new love affair. You want to spend every waking moment with your WIP and resent interruptions. It pops into your head at inopportune moments, forcing you to abandon whatever you were doing. You're so caught up in what you're writing, you don't even care if it's any good. You're simply overjoyed to be creating again.

3) Reality Check

A few months into writing, you come down to earth with a bump. You realise you don't have a coherent plan, you've just been scribbling as and when - meaning your book is a big, sprawling mess. What is the point? Where is the plot? Will anyone care?

To continue the relationship analogy, it's when it dawns on you that you can't live in perpetual bliss, bonking and whispering twee pet names at one another. You need to live together, carve out some semblance of adult life. You have to accept your beloved owns every season of Castle on DVD - and, what's more, has no shame.

4) The Crunch

There comes a point in every writing process where you start to wonder if this is worth it. Maybe it was a rebound novel; maybe the characters have failed to come alive. Perhaps somebody's pipped you to the post with an identical premise and they're better known than you'll ever be. (Bastard).

You may decide to go on a break, a la Ross and Rachel. Does the book call to you, implore you to finish? Do you suddenly hit upon the solution to that snafu in Chapter 10? If so, it's a keeper.

But if you find you don't miss it and you're happier without it, cut it loose. Perhaps it was never meant to be.

5) Ever After

There might have been potholes along the way, but here it is, your finished MS. You behold its beauty, marvel at its perfection. Well, apart from the occasional typo, the various times you've substituted the heroine's name with your own, or the fact you urgently need a compatible piece of software that won't convert your prose to Wingdings or (horrors!) Comic Sans.

Congratulations! You've written a book!

And now the cycle begins all over again.

Why I Wrote The Betrayer's Wife

Ever since school I've been a sucker for stories told from the bad guy's perspective. It must because I've always found traditional protagonists insipid: Luke never interested me as much as Vader, Asterix paled beside the wonderful Caesar. So when the spate of Wicked style retellings began, I hopped on board. Give the villains a day in the limelight!

There's one crucial ingredient sometimes lacking in these subversions: plausibility. The premise has to work. You have to believe there is good in the villain somewhere and their motives have simply been misinterpreted.

Take Starkid's Twisted, for example. Jafar becomes a well meaning politician mourning his late wife, wanting to save his kingdom from the criminally incompetent Sultan; Aladdin is a sleazy con artist and sex pest. It's exactly what happens in the cartoon, only seen through a fairground mirror.

Other stories are so keen to cash in on the trend, they lose sight of this. Consider the proposed Cruella de Vil biopic. They will have their work cut out making Ms Dog Skinner sympathetic. What childhood trauma could possibly explain her urge to kidnap and kill defenceless animals? I can identify with almost any other Disney villain up to a point, but she's the pits!

My interest in the "bad disciple" is longstanding. As a kid I was struck by the contradiction at the heart of his story: if the devil (or God) pushed him to betray Jesus, how could he be held responsible for his actions? If he had to die as part of a divine plan, why did it need a human agent at all? Jesus' lack of concern seemed shockingly callous. If you knew you were going to resurrect, would you be happy knowing your former friend was eternally damned?

I hunted for a motive. Other authors have done their best, but they all seemed like weaksauce to me. Jesus Christ Superstar's Judas has the most compelling one: wanting to prevent the extermination of his people. It's especially poignant given the history of antisemitism fed by the Passion story.

I was about to give it up as an impossible task when I came across a painting called Mrs Judas by the artist Chris Gollon. Looking at her haunted face, a character and plotline crashed into my head: that of a woman who had truly loved her husband, left devastated by his decision. But who would want to hear her story?

The answer came instantly: their daughter. The child of Judas. There's no biblical reference to these characters, but why on earth not? I deliberately made Rivkah a girl because she would have been considered disposable in those days - part of her father's goods and chattel. But Judas loves her absolutely, and will do whatever he can to protect her.

It seemed extraordinary that no one had thought this before. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't risk my dearest friend's life unless something even more valuable was at stake, and what could this be other than family? Perhaps they were too worried that giving Judas a wife and child would humanise him, make it clear it was a choice any of us could have made rather than uniquely evil. It's the central irony: the act that turns him into an infamous pariah is the most heroic thing he ever does. But only Shani and Rivkah know the truth.

Free Promo: The Betrayer's Wife

Beginning today, Spy Wednesday, and finishing Good Friday, my short story The Betrayer's Wife is free on Amazon. It offers a different perspective on one of our most familiar stories.


Rivkah is only thirteen when she learns the family secret: her father was Judas Iscariot.

Her mother Shani tells the story of what really happened all those years ago. How the man she loved became the most hated man in history - and what could bring someone to betray his closest friend.

Indie Publishing on Amazon

Two months to go

The story is proofread within an inch of its life. One day I think it's the greatest thing I've ever read, the next I'm plunged into the depths of despair. For some reason my brain keeps inventing DVD extras. I hunt around the MS for places to slot them.

A month to go

The cover art is chosen and zhushed up using an app. Meltdown when the font isn't the size/colour/brightness I want. Go around Waterstones and compare it to real, actual books. Staff look askance but decide I'm harmless.

A few days to go

Copyright and dedication pages taken care of. To date I've never included an About the Author page. I *say* it's because I like to retain an aura of mystery, but it's really because "Writes, reads and potters about on Twitter" is banal. I don't photograph well either, as my avatars testify.

The day

Announce, "Today's the day!" Bae says, "Oh, really?" and returns to her own project. Plug in t'internet and do last minute tweaks, chuckling to myself and doubtless being extremely irritating.

Tragedy strikes. Since I'm a Luddite who rarely uses my tablet, I've somehow managed to forget all my logins. Proceedings crash to a standstill while I amend this.

Crisis averted, I go on KDP and fill in the details. Read blurb aloud. Consensus is that it "lacks oomph," but at a complete loss what oomph might be. "Let's wait and see," I say, more optimistically than I feel.

Go to upload beautiful, shiny cover - and another stonking obstacle drops in my way. The file has to be a JPEG or TIFF or it won't be accepted. Ask, cajole and threaten Siri and co; they insist on misunderstanding. The Singularity isn't happening any time soon!

By now we've been doing this nearly five hours and we're starving. I'm yelping, growling, squeaking and the array of other odd noises by which I make my presence known. Bae tells me to make a useful contribution, i.e. fetch food. When I come back she's achieved the miraculous. She's enigmatic at first but later admits she went on Paint.

Now the ball's rolling again, I complete the last page and click the magic box. I can't settle - possessed, I return to it every few minutes. It's only when I decide to call it a night Bae exclaims, "It's up!" Having witnessed the marvel myself, I fire off numerous social media posts.

The day after

The instant I wake up, I switch on my phone and check how many sales I've had. I'm invariably disappointed, not least because one of them is me. My inferiority complex goes into overdrive: the cover, blurb and price are all wrong! That or I curse the evil algorithms.

A month afterwards

Still watching the sales reports and reviews pages like a hypochondriac checking their pulse. It's nerve wracking no matter how many times you do it. Yes, you know it's not going to be an overnight sensation, but that never stops you from hoping.

Everything You Need to Know About Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

* Our heroine, Laura, is thirty two at the beginning of the story, but prompted to dig out her teenage diary by big bro Ben.

* If you're gay, chances are that one of your siblings will be gay or bi. Despite this being incredibly common, I've never seen it reflected in any book or show and felt I had to write about it.

* To non British readers: Section 28 really existed. It was in force from 1988 to 2003 (thanks, Thatcher) and blighted countless young lives.

* I started writing the novel due to the media attacks on trans children, but the recent campaigns against LGBT inclusive education gave it a new impetus. I wanted to show where this damaging rhetoric can lead.

* It's possibly my most autobiographical book to date, with several scenes lifted directly from life. Depressingly, my outing experience was *worse* than Laura's. A happy ending with a cute girlfriend was a long way off.

* Too many YA novels end with the protagonist making friends with their parents' new partner, however much they disliked them initially. This is often impossible in real life - a situation I've hopefully made clear with Mr Cunningham.

* Honey is a female, dastardly version of my childhood cat Jester. Most of her antics happened!

* Although I never explicitly name the setting, you can go to Stourport on the bus, Worcester on the train and Malvern's within spitting distance. It's based on Kidderminster, where I lived aged twelve to fifteen.

* Calvary Hill is a mashup of my middle and high schools. The schools themselves weren't bad places but homophobia was universal at this point. St Blaise's is a mixed sex version of the private school I attended aged eleven to fifteen - and as the novel suggests, that was an even more hostile environment.

* The lesbian themed novels Laura reads are all real, and worth checking out. Apart from The Well of Loneliness. That's a historic artefact only.

* Most of Laura's opinions about various bands/celebrities are similar to my own. I was a rabid Spice Girls fan in my youth.

* The unofficial theme song for the story is Don't Speak by No Doubt.

Publication of Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

I'm thrilled to announce that Diary of a Teenage Lesbian is now available on Amazon! So if you've ever been young, gay and in love with absolutely the wrong person, give it a read!

Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.

It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?

On Choosing the Title for Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

I've always loved fictional diaries. It started with Adrian Mole, Leicester's wannabe bard, but it's grown to encompass so many other books over the years. Nothing throws you into a protagonist's mind and situation quite like their journal.

I'd embarked upon my fifth book, confident in the story I was telling. The format? Fine and dandy - I'd kept a teenage diary myself and knew exactly how maudlin, self obsessed and funny they could be. But the title?

Sometimes you come up with a title and it feels *right.* The Governess and Love & Robotics were never called anything else; The Artificial Wife tried on a few for size, sighing in relief when it was discovered. But this book was uncharacteristically mercurial, refusing to be named. The Christina Diaries was a strong contender, as was Don't Read This (On Pain of Death). I thought the latter would attract snarky Amazon reviews, so scrapped it. Why was naming a book infernally difficult? How on earth did parents manage to name their kids?

When I first wrote the title Diary of a Teenage Lesbian, it was out of desperation. I wanted to put something, anything there - it was only intended as a stopgap. But the more I said it aloud, the more I liked it. I did wonder if it'd draw skeezy guys seeking dubious titillation, but the blurb would put them off. Laura isn't one of those mysteriously adult girls you find in teen dramas; she doesn't have a colourful social life or recreational drug habit. She spends her evenings doing homework and watching TV with her family. She's the kind of girl I was many moons ago, who gets her knowledge of the world (and certainly lesbians) from books.

It was a refreshing change to fix my colours to the mast. All of my novels have had LGBT themes, but somehow this has passed readers by until they're halfway through. By splashing "lesbian" across the cover, I would hopefully remove any such ambiguity and prevent people from thinking they'd been hoodwinked.

In 2019 it shouldn't be controversial to explicitly label a book or film as lesbian, but evidence suggests otherwise. Look at The Favourite, the recent Oscar winner set in Queen Anne's court. Critics have tied themselves in knots describing the central relationships; they won't acknowledge that Anne and Lady Sarah are lovers. Instead they are "close friends" and the jealous power struggle a "rivalry," not the love triangle it clearly is.

Why do they do this? Do they believe an overtly lesbian movie would alienate a mainstream audience? The tactic hinders more than it helps: not only does it shock potentially homophobic viewers who weren't expecting it, it hides it from the lesbian and bisexual women who *would* be interested. Does it tap into the concern that even I had, that saying a work is f/f would attract the dirty mac brigade? I still shudder at the coverage of the Tipping the Velvet adaptation: male viewers either complained it was filthy or moaned it wasn't filthy enough. Nobody bothered to ask its intended audience.

By calling it Diary of a Teenage Lesbian, I hope to appeal to pink readers young and old. Whether you grew up with Section 28 or this is the first time you've heard of it, this is for you. Surely falling in love with your best friend and being embarrassed by your family is universal?

Why I Wrote Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

Sometimes a book chooses the author.

This time last year I noticed a worrying trend in the media. There seemed to be a systematic campaign against trans people, hysterical headlines appearing in tabloids and broadsheets alike. They were recycling the same arguments used to justify Section 28, the cruellest piece of legislation ushered in by the UK government. It was as though the clocks had been reset and MPs were claiming these discriminatory laws were "to protect children."

It chilled me to the marrow.

I don't think the younger generation can fully appreciate the fear of those days. Section 28 turned ordinary people, children included, into criminals. Nobody was prosecuted but that doesn't matter. For the fifteen years it was in effect - spanning my entire education - there was a blackout on information about homosexuality. Our lives and relationships were officially declared 'pretend.' They weren't allowed to be 'promoted' or 'exposed' to anyone, least of all children. The politicians didn't seem to know or care that many of these kids might be gay themselves.

A scenario jumped into my head. Take an ordinary fourteen year old girl from a working class family. She bickers with her mother, feels like her brother's outgrown her - your typical teenager. But she's living in 2000, in a situation that's far from normal. She realises she's in love with her best friend. She tries to hide her feelings but inevitably it comes out. She has nowhere to go for help because her teachers can't or won't advise her. She's terrified of being disowned by her family.

I didn't need to research this. I had lived it. But because my story is still too raw, decades later, I had to invent. It would have to be funnier and more dramatic, with an upbeat ending. I would still need to convey the oppression and ignorance of those times. Insults flew, naked homophobia was commonplace. I hope I've done it justice. It's the story of everyone who grew up under Section 28: the worry, the isolation, the confusion.

Now there are parents protesting their children being taught about LGBT people at school, narratives like these are all the more important. It hasn't escaped me that it's kicking off in Birmingham, spitting distance from where Diary of a Teenage Lesbian is set. We need to show the legacy of this hateful law - and ensure it never happens again.

Diary of a Teenage Lesbian

I'm delighted to report that my new novel, Diary of a Teenage Lesbian, will be available on Amazon soon. It's a lesbian coming of age story set at the turn of this century - nearly twenty years ago but thankfully far, far away.

What do you do if you're in love with your best friend? Or when your mum is dating your creepy teacher? Will life always be this turbulent and embarrassing?