Rachael Eyre's Blog - Posts Tagged "humour"
The Writer Master List
If you're a writer or have known any, you're bound to recognise at least a few of these behaviours ...
1) Some writers secretly believe they are geniuses. What's more, they firmly believe that they're the finest proponent of the written word who has ever lived.
2) Some writers, having read the above, will shake their heads and sigh, "It's genii, you plebeian."
3) Some writers would rather do anything - say, watch something mildly diverting on YouTube, chat on social media or alphabetise their stationery - than do any actual writing.
4) Some writers find the concept of marketing or approaching an agent intrinsically repugnant and vulgar. Surely their talent is such that interest should gravitate towards them?
5) Some writers are opposed to the idea of writing groups because it involves listening to other people read out and discuss their work. People's time could be spent far more constructively, i.e. listening to them read out and discuss their work.
6) Some writers believe that unless you adopt a dark polo neck with glasses, some member of the fedora family or floating scarves with jangly jewellery and hennaed hair, no one will realise they're a writer. They try to look like they're posing for their dust jacket picture - men gazing soulfully into the distance, women with a bad case of Pre Raphaelite broken neck - at all times.
7) Some writers will find any excuse to insert their writing into absolutely any topic of conversation whatsoever. You ask what the weather's due to be like next weekend, they'll tentatively mention this scene they're too bashful to divulge ... and then go ahead anyway.
8) Some writers believe that they hold the universal rights to eccentric crime solving masterminds and titian haired love interests. Anyone who accidentally uses these elements in their writing is a derivative hack who must be brought to justice.
9) Some writers believe that popular fiction is the province of easily pleased, slack jawed idiots, and True Art is only appreciated by a rare discerning few.
10) Some writers, on reading the above, will demand my head in a rucksack. They'll say I'm an insult to the profession and should be excommunicated forthwith. Anyone who doesn't - and managed a wince of recognition - should congratulate themselves on being completely level headed and sane.
1) Some writers secretly believe they are geniuses. What's more, they firmly believe that they're the finest proponent of the written word who has ever lived.
2) Some writers, having read the above, will shake their heads and sigh, "It's genii, you plebeian."
3) Some writers would rather do anything - say, watch something mildly diverting on YouTube, chat on social media or alphabetise their stationery - than do any actual writing.
4) Some writers find the concept of marketing or approaching an agent intrinsically repugnant and vulgar. Surely their talent is such that interest should gravitate towards them?
5) Some writers are opposed to the idea of writing groups because it involves listening to other people read out and discuss their work. People's time could be spent far more constructively, i.e. listening to them read out and discuss their work.
6) Some writers believe that unless you adopt a dark polo neck with glasses, some member of the fedora family or floating scarves with jangly jewellery and hennaed hair, no one will realise they're a writer. They try to look like they're posing for their dust jacket picture - men gazing soulfully into the distance, women with a bad case of Pre Raphaelite broken neck - at all times.
7) Some writers will find any excuse to insert their writing into absolutely any topic of conversation whatsoever. You ask what the weather's due to be like next weekend, they'll tentatively mention this scene they're too bashful to divulge ... and then go ahead anyway.
8) Some writers believe that they hold the universal rights to eccentric crime solving masterminds and titian haired love interests. Anyone who accidentally uses these elements in their writing is a derivative hack who must be brought to justice.
9) Some writers believe that popular fiction is the province of easily pleased, slack jawed idiots, and True Art is only appreciated by a rare discerning few.
10) Some writers, on reading the above, will demand my head in a rucksack. They'll say I'm an insult to the profession and should be excommunicated forthwith. Anyone who doesn't - and managed a wince of recognition - should congratulate themselves on being completely level headed and sane.
Publication of Diary of a Teenage Lesbian
I'm thrilled to announce that Diary of a Teenage Lesbian is now available on Amazon! So if you've ever been young, gay and in love with absolutely the wrong person, give it a read!
Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.
It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?
Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.
It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?
Free Promo: Diary of a Teenage Lesbian
Beginning today and finishing Friday 24th May, Diary of a Teenage Lesbian is free on Amazon!
Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.
It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?
Laura is a fourteen year old girl growing up in the West Midlands. Her brother Ben is acting like a condescending knob and her mum is dating her creepy teacher. If that isn't stressful enough, she's secretly in love with her best friend Christina.
It's the year 2000. Section 28 is in force, preventing schools from even mentioning homosexuality, and she's scared. She doesn't want to be a lesbian. And what if Christina finds out?
Publication of Book 666
I’m delighted to announce that Book 666 is now available on Amazon. A paranormal dramedy, it follows our two heroines as they go from enemies to friends to love.
Being a demon is no picnic. Especially when your full-time job is trying to Tempt a nine year old who thinks unicorns are the coolest thing ever. Oh, and you’re expected to give your evil uncle regular updates. No pressure.
But when Meg Wormwood falls in love with Selina, the Guardian Angel at her posting, all hell breaks loose. In fact, it may even mean the end of humanity as we know it ...
Book 666
Being a demon is no picnic. Especially when your full-time job is trying to Tempt a nine year old who thinks unicorns are the coolest thing ever. Oh, and you’re expected to give your evil uncle regular updates. No pressure.
But when Meg Wormwood falls in love with Selina, the Guardian Angel at her posting, all hell breaks loose. In fact, it may even mean the end of humanity as we know it ...
Book 666
Everything You Need To Know About Book 666
* It’s my sixth published novel. In fact, the title began life as a joke - I’d described it as Book 6 for so long, I quipped, “Maybe I should call it Book 666 instead” and it stuck. Discarded titles include Devil/Angel, Horns vs Halos and Immortal Enemies.
* It owes its existence to The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis’ terrific epistolary novel about a senior devil writing to his nephew Wormwood. Read it. It’s better than Narnia.
* Another inspiration was Good Omens, which had a star studded adaptation when I started writing. Its best loved plotline is the friendship between angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley, which many fans consider a romantic relationship. Some thought they had wimped out by not making the pairing canon at the end. My reaction? Why write fanfic when you can write your own story!
* CS Lewis always said his vision of Hell was like a corrupt business, with the devils as civil servants. I updated this, making it a ruthless modern company with a call centre, training schemes and workshops. The human each demon is assigned to is referred to as the Target.
* Maybe it’s because I’m an atheist, but I’ve always been fascinated by fictional depictions of Hell. Brueghel’s canvases, Dante’s Inferno, Paradise Lost, Old Harry’s Game - all these went towards my snarky version. Oh, and the afterlife in Beetlejuice, which remains my favourite.
* As someone with a lifelong phobia of pandas, the thought of there being a part of Hell with nothing but pandas called Pandamonium was too good to pass up.
* According to folklore, Judas Iscariot is exiled to the coldest place in Hell on an iceberg, with only one day’s reprieve. I had to include that somewhere.
* Heaven receives far less attention, but it’s clear that in the same way Meg and her friends aren’t wholly bad, the angels aren’t necessarily good - indeed, some are really rather unpleasant. Selina herself says it best: “It’s like a sign saying Keep Off the Grass, only on everything.”
* I enjoyed coming up with the names for this one. Before anyone asks, Meg is named for my favourite Disney heroine, *not* Meghan Markle, even if she does rescue her beloved from an autocratic monarchy. I didn’t want to give Selina a cheesy, obvious name like Celeste or Angelica, but felt hers was suitably ethereal - and could be shortened.
The demons’ names are a combination of traditional demonic names and British place names. As soon as I discovered there were devils called Mara and Leonard, I *had* to call Meg’s two best friends that. Scunthorpe, Grimsby and Clitheroe are of course Northern towns; Wenlock comes from Much Wenlock, which is down the road from where I used to live.
* I ran with the idea that every human’s Conscience was individual, reflecting their personality and interests. As our two main human characters, we see the most of Charmian and Emel’s. And because I love pathetic fallacy, the weather in their Conscience echoes their moods.
* I deliberately made both targets female, as well as having what wouldn’t be considered ‘major’ problems. Charmian is jealous of her new baby brother and worried about her parents’ marriage; Emel feels like life has passed her by at thirty and ends up in a disastrous relationship. Most readers can identify with their feelings of helplessness.
* The Adversary and the Big Guy, as well as not being the way around you would expect, were late act additions. As a kid I could never understand why God would tolerate the Devil’s antics. When I realised he could be Her first and favourite son, it made perfect sense. I even give him a motive for his war on humanity - but what it is, you’ll have to find out.
* I have a soft spot for Malcolm, for all his horribleness. In the exceptionally unlikely event this is ever adapted, I’d love Charles Dance to play him. One time I was so absorbed coming up with dialogue for him, I ordered chocolate in Thornton’s in character. I was so embarrassed, I didn’t go back for a month.
* I started Book 666 in a brand new notebook. I hadn’t written six pages before I splashed soy sauce over it - meaning the book is heavily stained and reeks of sauce!
* Take Me to Church is the story’s unofficial theme tune, with When You’re Evil coming close second.
* It owes its existence to The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis’ terrific epistolary novel about a senior devil writing to his nephew Wormwood. Read it. It’s better than Narnia.
* Another inspiration was Good Omens, which had a star studded adaptation when I started writing. Its best loved plotline is the friendship between angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley, which many fans consider a romantic relationship. Some thought they had wimped out by not making the pairing canon at the end. My reaction? Why write fanfic when you can write your own story!
* CS Lewis always said his vision of Hell was like a corrupt business, with the devils as civil servants. I updated this, making it a ruthless modern company with a call centre, training schemes and workshops. The human each demon is assigned to is referred to as the Target.
* Maybe it’s because I’m an atheist, but I’ve always been fascinated by fictional depictions of Hell. Brueghel’s canvases, Dante’s Inferno, Paradise Lost, Old Harry’s Game - all these went towards my snarky version. Oh, and the afterlife in Beetlejuice, which remains my favourite.
* As someone with a lifelong phobia of pandas, the thought of there being a part of Hell with nothing but pandas called Pandamonium was too good to pass up.
* According to folklore, Judas Iscariot is exiled to the coldest place in Hell on an iceberg, with only one day’s reprieve. I had to include that somewhere.
* Heaven receives far less attention, but it’s clear that in the same way Meg and her friends aren’t wholly bad, the angels aren’t necessarily good - indeed, some are really rather unpleasant. Selina herself says it best: “It’s like a sign saying Keep Off the Grass, only on everything.”
* I enjoyed coming up with the names for this one. Before anyone asks, Meg is named for my favourite Disney heroine, *not* Meghan Markle, even if she does rescue her beloved from an autocratic monarchy. I didn’t want to give Selina a cheesy, obvious name like Celeste or Angelica, but felt hers was suitably ethereal - and could be shortened.
The demons’ names are a combination of traditional demonic names and British place names. As soon as I discovered there were devils called Mara and Leonard, I *had* to call Meg’s two best friends that. Scunthorpe, Grimsby and Clitheroe are of course Northern towns; Wenlock comes from Much Wenlock, which is down the road from where I used to live.
* I ran with the idea that every human’s Conscience was individual, reflecting their personality and interests. As our two main human characters, we see the most of Charmian and Emel’s. And because I love pathetic fallacy, the weather in their Conscience echoes their moods.
* I deliberately made both targets female, as well as having what wouldn’t be considered ‘major’ problems. Charmian is jealous of her new baby brother and worried about her parents’ marriage; Emel feels like life has passed her by at thirty and ends up in a disastrous relationship. Most readers can identify with their feelings of helplessness.
* The Adversary and the Big Guy, as well as not being the way around you would expect, were late act additions. As a kid I could never understand why God would tolerate the Devil’s antics. When I realised he could be Her first and favourite son, it made perfect sense. I even give him a motive for his war on humanity - but what it is, you’ll have to find out.
* I have a soft spot for Malcolm, for all his horribleness. In the exceptionally unlikely event this is ever adapted, I’d love Charles Dance to play him. One time I was so absorbed coming up with dialogue for him, I ordered chocolate in Thornton’s in character. I was so embarrassed, I didn’t go back for a month.
* I started Book 666 in a brand new notebook. I hadn’t written six pages before I splashed soy sauce over it - meaning the book is heavily stained and reeks of sauce!
* Take Me to Church is the story’s unofficial theme tune, with When You’re Evil coming close second.
Hello Satan
Hell, yeah! #HelloSatan is now available on Amazon!
As far as Lucky’s concerned, he’s the victim of bad press. He didn’t mean to get kicked out of Heaven.
Perhaps a celebrity autobiography would do the trick …?
As far as Lucky’s concerned, he’s the victim of bad press. He didn’t mean to get kicked out of Heaven.
Perhaps a celebrity autobiography would do the trick …?
Free Promo: Hello Satan
It’s Spooky Month, meaning #HelloSatan is free on Amazon!
The second book in the Paradise Found trilogy, it’s the story of the war in Heaven and the Fall - as told by Lucky himself.
Why did he fall out with God? What really happened in Eden? Did he seduce Judas Iscariot?
There’s only one way to find out!
The second book in the Paradise Found trilogy, it’s the story of the war in Heaven and the Fall - as told by Lucky himself.
Why did he fall out with God? What really happened in Eden? Did he seduce Judas Iscariot?
There’s only one way to find out!
