Michelle L. Rusk's Blog, page 60

The Patience Game

Wet suit aside, surfing in Hawaii is very different than where I surf in Southern California. There were a lot of aspects about surfing[image error] that I have only begun to understand through surfing in different places.

I knew that they surfed on longer boards in Hawaii but it wasn't until I got on the water until I realized why: you get a longer ride because the break lasts so long. That makes it easier to get up because the board is longer (I used a board over nine feet long on the second day on the North Shore; a board over eight feet long in Waikiki that first day). And it also means you can take your time getting up on the board.

Duh.

I'm so used to surfing in California where you have to get up quickly because the ride is so short. The pop up is fast and easy to miss. But in Hawaii there is a lot more time, just like I joke that while New Mexico is the land of manana (tomorrow), Hawaii is the land of the day after tomorrow. No hurry. Everything moves like molasses and that includes the waves in certain places.

Surfing, Golf, Tennis...All Past 39

I took up surfing a few months before I turned 40. And after I turned 41, I added golf and tennis.

There is a reason I'm a runner: I was never much good at much else. But when I had the chance to take surfing lessons two years ago in Rye, New Hampshire, I got up on the board on one of my first tries. It let me try it again. And again. And again. I bought a surfboard that lives in the garage of friends in Southern California since there is no ocean in Albuquerque where I live. 

While I took up golf as a suggestion from a neighbor to meet men, it was something I could do in Albuquerque between the times when I traveled to Los Angeles or somewhere else to surf. Then I found out I could actually hit the ball.

Nourishing the Soul on a Surfboard

I am currently in Hawaii, here for a week to speak to Army officials about how stigma propegates suicide. However, I also make sure on any trip like this that I work in some surfing. I was supposed to be here two months ago but the trip was pushed back because the commanding general at the base couldn't meet with me then.

When my original trip was planned, it was three weeks after I had been to LA for a week where I last surfed. In the week after I returned from LA, I met with my priest and one of the things we talked about that day was how I really felt in tune with the water, as if my surfing ability had advanced, in the last few days of the trip. Fr. Anthony said that when I prayed I should picture that I was surfing with Jesus. He felt there was something important for me in both my surfing and prayer and that I could bring them together.

While I did what he asked, and it created some experiences I have yet to write about, I also looked forward to surfing even more. And when the trip was postponed, I was annoyed but a change of events in my life happened (I started dating my current boyfriend that week) and I accepted it was moved to November. Everything always does happen for a reason.

Finding Hope in Rejection

Last week on the Dolly McCarthy Show, my "Good Inspirations" segment was about coping with rejection. As I spent the few days before the show thinking about what I would discuss, I was reminded of an incident in my life that had a profound effect on who I am today.

In sixth grade, the girls I had gone to elementary school with and lived in my neighborhood decided not to be my friend anymore. We were in junior high and I found myself looking for friends because I had none. One friend I made moved shortly after that to Arizona although we wrote letters for many years and now we're connected on Facebook. I also joined the park district track program that summer.

While I didn't know it at the time, I had a choice: sink or swim.

The Writing Shift

Several years ago a friend told me that when a new signficant relationship would begin in my life, I wouldn't have the[image error] need to write about loss, that my writing, especially my fiction, would make a shift.

It's happening now.

While I don't foresee that I will never write about loss again (especially because I have several unfinished manuscripts that have loss as a theme that I do want to finish), I do see how loss is becoming less of a theme in my writing. It feels like my writing went from coping with loss and moved into figuring out how to go forward in life, and now it's anchored in how we have the strongest and healthiest relationships and lives possible.

The Coin Indifference

Several weeks ago I wrote that I had begun working through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola. I will not complete them until Easter and the process involves some short daily reflection but also a longer reflection each week. Last week's work was about indifference. The crux of it is about oppenness to giving up things (not necessarily material but possibly people) in our lives because of what God has in store for us.

I struggled with this and didn't relate to it either. I feel as if I have given up a lot in my life (particularly people) and when I went to see my priest, Fr. Anthony, to discuss how the exercises were going, I used my swimming pool as an example. "I don't want to give up my pool," I told him. "I gave it up once and never thought I'd get it back but I did." 

Fr. Anthony looked at me and asked, "Would you give up your pool for the ocean?"

His point was that if God asks us to give something up, it's because he has something greater in store for us, not because he is punishing us. I still didn't like the idea but at least I understood it, especially when he also asked, "Don't you think God has great things in store for you?"

Taking A Rest in the Journey

[image error]The only thing I remember about Halloween last year was that I went trick or treating with my friend JJ's family and left a bowl of Halloween candy on my front porch. When I got home, the bowl was near the end of my driveway, empty of course. Instead it's the Halloween before that sticks in my mind.

Halloween 2011 was the night before I moved from Albuquerque back to Illinois. The divorce was final and what I was taking with me filled a POD that was picked up the morning of November 1. My sister Karen flew in and that night we had one last dinner at Fronter Restaurant, my very favorite place to eat.

When we drove out of town, I honestly didn't believe that I would return to Albuquerque. While people told me they were going to miss me and I would tell them that maybe I would be back, I didn't see it. I wasn't sure where my life was going but at the time it felt like the Midwest and East was where I needed to be.

Change: Both of Life and Coins

When I started to post my coin findings on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), I had no idea that it would be of interest to so many people until I began [image error]to think it was boring and started to stop posting them. However, when I would talk to people, they told me how much they enjoyed reading about how I would find them. Some people said it made them smile and brought them a lot of hope because of my belief that the coins are being left by my dad who died in 2006.

For me, as my life has undergone a lot of transition for a number of years, the coins were a constant reminder that everything was well, that everything would work out, that my family members who have died were still with me. The coins sometimes brought tears to my eyes or simply brought me relief. They were the reminder I needed in the moments when I let my thoughts get carried away or I would forget what really mattered. They were symbols when I needed them.

Two months ago my life underwent a huge great transition when I unexpectedly was introduced to someone via a mutual friend and we began dating. It's been a happy shift in my life because I was on the verge of giving up, having a challenging time not being angry at how romantic relationships were something in which I couldn't find what I needed. Finally, I met someone who is secure, happy, and who appreciates me (among a million other wonderful things that I could say about him). 

Learning from my Mistaken Pancakes

I wrote the other day that I had used baking soda instead of baking powder while I was making pancakes on Sunday[image error] morning. When I went to fry them up, I couldn't figure out why they burned so easily and the batter didn't spread far. It was the first time I remember doing that and it was only after eating one that I realized what I had done wrong: the flavor was a little too salty.

While I am a little on the perfectionist side (people who know me are laughing but I'd like to remind them that I do not iron tablecloths! Come to my house for dinner and you will be eating on a tablecloth filled with creases!), many things do go right. I made tiramsu a few months ago for the second time and it came out great. I also made a pineapple upsidedown cake not long before that and it came out pretty darn good. But that same weekend of the pineapple upsidedown cake, I learned that my idea for making ice cream cake didn't go as well as I would have liked. I made the ice cream and cake by scratch and thought that if I froze the middle layer of ice cream and then topped it and spread the rest of the ice cream on top, it would be perfect.

Drawing the Starting Line

For many people, one of the most challenging parts about setting out to do something new is figuring out how to start. It's probably the reason most people use New Year's Day as a a time to set resolutions– it's a new day to a new year and filled with hype. But the reality is that many people don't follow through because they don't know how to start.

Draw a starting line (I have one in my head drawn with chalk in the sandy brown dirt of New Mexico).

There is no time like the present to get started on goal. What's wrong with today? Why are you waiting? The perfect day won't come along. And you never know what tomorrow will bring.