Michelle L. Rusk's Blog, page 57

Returning to California Under a Surf Advisory

I flew to Los Angeles on Friday to spend a week working from here while I also have the opportunity to surf. Unfortunately, I also arrived under a surf advisory with incredible waves reaching heights not seen in certain places here in a long time.

I decided to drive to the beach on Saturday morning anyway and at least walk down and check it out myself. When I looked out from the gazebo from the parking lot (where this photo was taken), there were several surfers on the water and it didn't look too bad. But when the guy parked next to me arrived from the ocean, I asked him how it was and he said there were waves to catch but that it was unpredictable and his friend had gotten torn up.

Finding Strength in a Lit Candle

Growing up, many times, my mom would stop at our church when we were out running errands and she [image error]would light a candle. She never explained why she did this but I spent my life believing that lighting candles was an important part of our Catholic spirituality. It was something I didn't even do myself (actually, I felt intimidated by the experience– I wasn't really sure what you were supposed to do) until I was in Australia several years ago and lit one at St. Mary's Cathedral in Sydney (an event I fictionalized in my book The Australian Pen Pal).

I light candles for peace in my life, as a ritual of letting go of what I can't control, or of something I am not sure what to do about. I have a church here in Redondo Beach that I attend when I'm visiting Southern California and I stopped there yesterday morning to light a candle while the church was empty, before I returned for Mass later in the evening.

The Exploration of Doing Something New

After a year of attempting to start painting, I finally ordered a slew of pain supplies last week. I had been [image error]wanting to do it partly because I knew some of the walls in my house in Albuquerque would be empty since my now former husband had been the one to collect artwork took them with him. And because I usually have an idea in my mind of what I want, I thought it would be easier to paint what I want myself.

The last time I painted was in junior high art class. I enjoyed art but I never found myself in a place where I could do it after that. Quilting and sewing became that self expression but here in Albuquerque the last thing I want to do in the summer is sit inside at a sewing machine. At least I can paint outside. 

The Paper Bag Pizza

My mom began making pizzas on paper bags when we were growing up although she isn't sure where she got the idea. She thinks maybe she read it somewhere. And despite what anyone thinks, the bags don't burn. In fact, they create a very tasty crispy crust.

Mom used the Chef Boyardee pizza mixes [image error]and there was no cooking spray yet so she would rub the cut paper bag with margarine. When I began making pizza using the recipe below (out of the Naper School cookbook- Mrs. Hall's recipe), I tried using a metal pan but I found the crust wasn't as crispy, thus I went back to the paper bags.

I honed my pizza-making skills at Oodles Pizza in Naperville on Ogden the summer after my freshman year of high school for $3.35 an hour and I've been making pizza since. The only problem now is that paper bags are made much smaller and my friend Jim's mom suggested using some of the sides of the bags to make the pizzas larger. I also spray my hands with cooking spray and use my hands to form the pizzas rather than roll them out. I have tried to used wheat flour with this recipe but because it's more dry than white, it's best to mix the two flours together.

Three Leaks and Trust

Water leaked under my kitchen sink for three weeks. My friend Jim (you might remember him from [image error]August when he "guest blogged" and wrote about dessert dogs– you can read that blog here) came over and diagnosed that there were two leaks and looked for time in his schedule to fix them as he has been doing many of my house repairs since I moved back to Albuquerque nearly a year ago.

Then Veronica, who cleans my house, two weeks ago saw water coming out from under my dishwasher. And then it stopped. But I was still constantly having to empty plastic containers and put dry towels under the sink. This past weekend I knew it would have be fixed as I am leaving town in a few days for a week.

What You Choose to Define You

This morning on "The Dolly McCarthy Show," during my Good Inspirations segment, Dolly and I discussed a [image error]sibling survivor of suicide who she had on earlier who was discussing his non-profit that helps families pay for funerals after suicides. When it was my turn, Dolly asked me if I wanted to piggyback on or add to anything he said. He is 21 now and lost his brother when he was 16.

I knew his energy well because I at one time had that energy to help people bereaved by suicide. I had a strong need to reach sibling survivors of suicide and anyone else who lost someone. I devoted most of the energy in my life to this. But about five years ago I woke up and realized that my sister, while happy for all the work I have done around sibling suicide loss, would remind me not to forget who I was before she died. 

If You Can't Walk in Someone's Shoes, Don't Judge Them Either

It's difficult for anyone to walk in my shoes because my feet are so small. That also means it's a challenge for [image error]me to walk in anyone else's shoes as they fall off my feet easily. While we reach out to our friends/family/whoever, to share our lives, we also must keep our judging thoughts to ourselves.

Yes, we want to see our friends happy and sometimes watching their challenges is painful to us. But if we judge them, often they won't reach out to us anymore because they will be afraid of what we will say. It's difficult for us to simply listen but many times that's what people need: an ear. We all have roads to walk, they are unique and some are more painful than others. And while we think we might know the end result of each person's situation, do we really? None of us know what the future holds. 

There are lessons for each of us to learn in our pain. I hate pain. I hate that life means we have to struggle at times. But I also get that those challenges help us to learn and if we use them as opportunities to learn, then they have not been wasted. We also have to let people in our lives learn from their mistakes though. By judging them on what they share with us, we will keep them from sharing the future.

The Fleeting Sunrise

We have the most brilliant sunrises and sunsets here in New Mexico thanks to the clear skies. I think I have [image error]written about sunrise before but yesterday I was reminded of something that never occurred me.

The sky was funky yesterday morning, more like eerie. Because I'm out running and then run-walk my four dogs (not together!), I'm pretty well known in my neighborhood (although no one recognizes me at the grocery store with my hair down and no dogs in tow). And when we greet each other in the mornings, we often discuss the weather. In New Mexico that usually means to say how great the weather is, especially on a beautiful morning. We know we are lucky.

Adding a Little Mint: The Reward of Slight Changes

For a year I have been making black bean carob brownies. I took a black bean brownie recipe and altered it [image error]because I can't eat chocolate (please don't feel bad for me, there are many other great options of desserts to eat). I used carob powder instead of cocoa powder and carob chips instead of chocolate chips. I also added about a cup of peanut butter chips and a cup of chopped walnuts. Because the recipe doesn't use butter, flour, or sugar (maple syrup is used instead), I feel better eating these brownies.

As much as I love to eat them, though, they can get boring after a while, just like life feels mundane when we repeat what we do day after day. Over the weekend I began to wonder if there was a way I could make them taste more like a Marshall Field's Frango Mint. On Monday I found peppermint extract at my local grocery store and proceeded to make a batch with a few drops of mint.

Oh my. While I could have added more mint (I was hesitant to add too much since this was the first try), these brownies were heaven. And all it took was a little peppermint extract. Making slight changes in life isn't hard. And the rewards are often larger than life.

The Art of the Writing Journey

I wanted to write first thing yesterday morning because I had several specific ideas in my head, however, I let the [image error]morning get away from me. I had a set amount of time where I could have done it but I did other work-related things and then I had to run out and get my eyes checked (a mundane but important task). When I finally completed all the other work on my list, it was late in the afternoon and I started to write.

I got it done (my 1 1/2 pages that I write 5 days a week per an agreement with a fellow writing friend) but I wasn't happy. In the morning I had felt it, like what I wanted to say would light up off the page. However, when I wrote it that afternoon it was awful. While it's possible that what was in my head didn't work on paper, which sometimes does happen, I knew it was something else: I need to write in the morning.

To write in the morning means I have to leave everything else alone until I'm finished. This is a difficult task for me because I like to sit down and clear out my email and make sure I am caught up on everything. It also means I can't be lazy and sleep in an extra few minutes, if one can say sleeping to 5:30 instead of 5:15 is lazy. But I know it's important and it's how I started my day today.