Susan Cottrell's Blog, page 65

Robbie and I have been dancing. I say this because we nev...

Robbie and I have been dancing. I say this because we never dance. I never did learned to dance well, and in Rob’s early years, he was always in the band instead of on the dance floor.

But we are having a little time away, just the two of us, and we have been dancing. Oh! Something inside of me has been set free on the dance floor. So sweet.

Sometimes I am far too analytical for my own good. But this is not a time for analysis. This is a time for dancing. This is a time to be whisked away. And I am loving every second of it!

Filed under: Marriage

An Empty Bag

Nothing animates me more than to teach the abiding life of Christ—I love speaking and I love interacting and watching lights go on. But the first time I spoke took me by surprise! It was at the women’s group at Grace Bible Church in College Station, Texas, to about seventy-five women. It was a new and exciting chapter in my life, and I had a wild idea: I prayed for God to keep me humble. It was a pure prayer from a heart of love for Him, but what was I thinking?

I prepared fully, arrived at the event, and was introduced. As I walked to the podium to speak, I started to giggle. And giggle. And laugh. I could not stop. I managed to get through what I had to say, but I think I giggled throughout.  (Afterward, I said to the adorable young ministry leader, “I couldn’t stop laughing.” She said, “Yes, I saw you were tickled about something!”)

God had answered my prayer. He had humbled me. Not humiliated me, but drove home an indispensible point He likes to make to His children: He is God. And we bring nothing to the table but our willingness. I realize we have nothing without Jesus. We are nothing without Jesus. In us is no good thing, but His life in us is everything.

That was some fifteen years ago, and in those years I have often run ahead of the Lord. As He continues to teach me, I have often forgotten how much of nothing I have to offer without Him. Instead of bringing my own wisdom and knowledge, I try to do what Mike Wells always said, and “bring an empty bag.” When I forget, He just says, “Remember that time?” And I say, “Oh yes, Lord. Let’s not do that again! Whatever you want, we’ll do that!”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Unachievable Love

Love. God’s love. To love another without condition of receiving anything in return. OH. MY. GOSH. I so do not love this way… even though I sometimes, kind of, maybe think I do. To love without requiring anything in return. To be love waiting to happen.

That’s God. God is love waiting to happen. To want nothing in return. Gosh, who does that? I always want something. I want to be liked, admired, well thought of, included, known. I want to be loved!

He loves even though He knows I don’t deserve it. (How could anybody deserve love? If you deserve it, it’s not love.) He loves me even though I’m a basket-case half the time and barely holding it together the other half.  He loves even though my flesh will never improve. He loves me even though I could never hope to love Him as fully as He loves me.

So why does God do it? What’s in it for Him? Hahaha — trick question! Nothing’s in it for Him. If something were in it for Him, it wouldn’t be love, would it? That’s what’s so soaked into our tiny human brains — love and get something in return. Okay, here it is again: why does God love us like that? He loves us like that because God is love. God’s very nature is to love. God loves everywhere He goes. Love is who God is. He can’t be any other way.

So how could we love like that? After many years of Jesus being my Savior, and even more years walking this earth, I am not capable of God’s love. I am not love waiting to happen. I am self waiting to happen. Honestly. After all these years, what hope have I? What hope have any of us?

I’m seeing that God does not want my love for people. He wants me to stand aside and let Him love through me. Aah! That I can see! Because, really. I think of Charles Stanley’s quote: “I have been a Christian for 47 years, and I have not seen a marked improvement in my flesh.” Well, I have been a Christian close to that, and I have not improved my ability to love. I believe Stanley’s point is that his only hope it to set his flesh aside and let God live through him. Even Jesus said He could do nothing on His own, but only God through Him (John 5:30). My only hope is set aside my self-seeking, self-gratifying, cleverly disguised attempts to love when I’m really seeking my own glory in some form, and let God love through me. Isn’t love a fruit of the Holy Spirit — not Susan — after all?

In His love, Susan

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Prayer, prayer, prayer

“We must go forward on our knees.” Hudson Taylor, on bringing China the good news of Jesus Christ

Prayer. The journey of discovery continues. And I’m discovering that I have severely undervalued prayer. As if I’m living on a oilfield and I just use little buckets of oil here and there. I completely underestimate how much my life and my loved one’s lives would change if I tapped into its full potential. I talk about prayer — and I actually do pray throughout the day. But to slow down sufficiently in the mornings, to pray as fervently as the opportunity to pray deserves, well, that’s always been a challenge for me!

My kids are almost all out the door now. I am no longer in their lives every day, so I only know what’s going on by our talks on the phone… and what I read on Facebook. (Even when they were at home, how omnipresent am I, really?)

But God has given us an amazing gift, to be able to pray anytime we want about anyone or anything. What a remarkable opportunity. Like a credit card that is somehow connected to the oil well on my land — one that’s good anywhere, anytime, and it will never run out.

That was just my kids. What about my husband, the cries of his heart? I cannot answer those cries, but I can bring them, fervently, to the one who can. (Oh, I see. You take that card here, too!)

Then there’s all that God has put on my heart — the message of “Christ in you the hope of glory.” Delivering His wonderful truth in books, conferences and retreats. All of that I can bring to His throne. All of that only comes through Him.

Then there are friends, events, projects, our nation, our government. God has so much He’s willing to do. He’s given us unlimited access. The only limit to my prayer life is… me.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Specificity with God

My family knows me for my prayer life — talking to God in the kitchen or walking through the house. I enjoy the ongoing relationship I have with Him that way. But recently God pulled the floor out from under me: He said, Pray specifically. My habit has been to praise Him, thank Him for what’s going on in my day, ask for His guidance in my family.

But He told me that when I get specific with Him, it deepens the relationship. It puts my heart on the line. For example, I typically thank Him for the amazing life He’s given me, for my family, for how He has provided so lovingly for us these many years. While these prayers are beautiful, I can say them with little thought–and with no risk. I’ve considered this to be “praying without ceasing,”  I Thessalonians 5:17. But I can easily totter into what Jesus warned against: “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again.” Matthew 6:7. I wasn’t quite babbling, but close.

My reluctance to specific prayer has been that I don’t want to tell God what to do. He’s not here to answer my to-do list. Instead, God invites me to be fully present when I pray. To ask for specific leading in my son’s new marriage, or to thank Him for my other son’s job, or to let tears fall as I remember a sweet incident when I was seven–something too personal to write here. I ask God to remind my daughter that He is her first love, in case she’s forgotten. I hear myself say, “Lord, I pray specifically…” and we smile together, because He knows I am responding to Him.

When I ask Him to speak directly into my husband’s current circumstance, to return my sister’s heart to Him,  to become undeniably real in the child’s life–this requires pouring my heart out to Him. Yes, that’s it. He wants my specifically focused, fully present heart, poured out to Him. Ah. I want that too! Nothing could be sweeter.

Filed under: Prayer

Got a Date!

I’ve got a date. Bible study starts this morning, and I was having a little crisis-of-confidence about attending. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Usually love it, not sure I’m feeling it. Love to learn something new, see friends. Don’t love missing a morning with so much work to do.

Looked at the choices. Prayed. Is this a good one? Maybe this? Sure I want to commit when I’m so — bluh about it? Not sure. Then I saw it. Jesus whispered, This one. Saw that option this summer — no response. This time, I knew. Like a verse suddenly has your name on it. God is speaking to you.

I’m going. Don’t care what the subject is, honestly. Don’t care about missing the other studies — all good — this one was made for me. My best bud invited me, the love of my life. Personally. He must have exciting things planned. What?… This is Jesus’ personal invitation. To me.

Gotta run now. Got a date.

 

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

The Holy Spirit Lives Here

My precious friend called from Phoenix today to share something that had happened at her church. (I share with her permission.) The praise team was playing soft music, and people were in quiet reflection.

“As I sat there,” my friend said, “the Lord gave me profound insight into a wound I’d had from my father since before I left home. God revealed a lie I had believed about how I thought my dad viewed me, and He told me the truth about the situation, which set me free. I nearly burst into tears, but I did my best to keep myself together… Then the music ended sort of suddenly, and this woman was just wailing in tears. This is NOT a charismatic church, so this was not a normal event! Everyone looked around as the pastor walked to the front, wondering how he was going to handle this. He looked in the direction of the woman and said softly, ‘I love when the Holy Spirit is at work.’ Aah! Everyone relaxed. She got herself together, as he began to teach. I realized that the Holy Spirit was obviously working in more than just me! And I was grateful that the pastor was okay with that and put everybody at ease.”

What a beautiful story. I love that the pastor was not threatened but embraced what God was doing. Isn’t that why we go to church, to experience God? Isn’t that what the pastor, a good pastor, wants for his people–For God to be present and active?

I am profoundly grateful for the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers. I’m grateful that He’s always doing something wonderful in us. I am grateful that He doesn’t ask us to hold it all together — which is exhausting — but to fall apart in Him. What a relief.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Jump in, the Water’s Scary!

Trust God. The bible tells us to… we tell each other to. But do we? How? When the rubber meets the road, does His presence make a difference in our daily challenges?

My sweet daughter had a job interview this week. This girl gets tied up in nerves before interviews. Always has. The higher the stakes, the more the nerves, and she really wanted this job. As we talked, I was searching for where God comes into this—how is His presence sufficient, as the bible tells us? God wants us to come to Him. I wanted my girl to experience His strength in her time of need.

So I prayed. I asked God to flood her with His peace. I’d prayed that for myself years ago when I first performed a solo. I’d asked God to flood me with peace as I walked up front, and He did. He showed me He was sufficient for me in those moments I needed Him.

I didn’t know if God would “grow her out of it,” so she would no longer get so nervous—He does that. Or would this stay with her always? He does that too. Like my friend who led seminars for thirty years and suffered gut-wrenching nerves every time he spoke! Yet, he said that nervousness kept him clinging to Jesus, every time. What was God’s view here?

Then God gave me a word picture. I imagine my daughter learning to dive. She wants to do it, but she can’t swim. So her daddy has to catch her. She gets better and better at diving, but her daddy still catches her. She is called upon to dive more often because she’s beautiful to watch, but still, Daddy has to catch her. Will she learn to swim so she doesn’t need her daddy? Perhaps. Or will he continue to catch her forever? Again, perhaps.

If she were a real diver, this would be silly, and possibly against Olympic rules.But, it’s just the kind of thing Jesus would set up, isn’t it? He actually did this with Paul, telling him three times that His grace was sufficient for him. He LOVES to catch us. We want to let Him. Jump into His arms.

All the beauty God wants to shine through our lives—to us and to others—is beyond our comfort zone. We require Him.

Our own thinking is an endless loop in our heads—Will I get the job? Am I qualified? Did I say something stupid in the interview?—ad infinitum, ad nauseam. That can suck us to the bottom of the pool in an instant. Jesus offers more than this.

I said to my daughter: “You can wait to ‘grow out of it,’ or simply resign yourself to misery in stress situations. Or, you can throw yourself off that board with abandon and know God will catch you. He’ll give peace you didn’t have. It’s this thing He does for you, because you’re His daughter. Now, you can both look forward to each new jump!” Yeah. I’ve got some jumping of my own to do.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Suffering Well

“One of the most awesome tools in God’s hand is a man, woman, or child who has suffered well.” A note in my bible next to Romans 5:3.

My friend has suffered the effects of mono for over a year now, which has left her exhausted. It’s also wrecked her immune system, so she is easily knocked down again. Ugh. I hate to see her suffer.

“…tribulation produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope,” says Romans 5:3. I’m not loving the implications here. I’d rather get to hope by not suffering. Yet, I can’t get around that note I’d written from some pastor (don’t remember who) about suffering well. I can’t get around the evidence of joy and peace that comes by suffering well.

Because the other option is to suffer poorly. To resist and resent will not produce that hope of Romans 5:3. We have a choice in how we suffer.

I have suffered in my life. Not in big martyrdom ways, but disappointment. Hurt. Pain where you feel your heart is being ripped out. And in those times, God has ripened me–seasoned me like a great cast-iron skillet. I witness people who have been through it, and there’s a sweetness to them, and kindness not present when they were still king-of-the-world. That’s what we read a few verses down in Romans 5:5: “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been shed abroad in our heart.”

I am not interested in those who have held their lives together all these years, those who would claim they haven’t veered off the path or taken a false step. That is disingenuous to me. And quite frankly, I don’t notice the love of God shed abroad in their hearts.

But someone who has suffered, come through tempered, sweetened, more genuine… that’s the person I want to sit down with over a cup of tea. I want to listen to their story.

 

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Wedding Blessings

My precious son and his lovely bride were married on Saturday. An extraordinary experience. I post here the words I spoke to them, amid tears, during the rehearsal lunch. I hope you enjoy!

 

Two years ago, Chris was moving into his new house and Hannah and I had gone over to clean it. I stood in the bathtub scrubbing down the walls, and Chris was telling me about this beautiful girl he was excited to go out with that night… his first date with Arielle.

They had a great time and went on to many more wonderful dates, and we got to hear all about her—but he made us wait a couple of months before we could meet her. He was afraid we’d wreck it!

Finally he brought her over to meet the family. We were all so excited to meet her, but we had to act cool, because, we didn’t want to wreck it! We all had dinner—somehow I didn’t even burn anything—and we loved her instantly.

We ended up pulling out photo albums of Chris when he was little. Never felt compelled to do that before, but here we were pulling them out. Arielle was looking at pictures and reading the captions that I’d written and she was laughing. The siblings were laughing at the pictures—the clothes and the haircuts—and I heard Arielle’s voice under it all saying: “Is anybody reading this?? This is funny!” Well, of course, who doesn’t love someone who thinks they’re funny? But it was more than that. Arielle and I were like kindred spirits. The more I’ve gotten to know her, the more I love her. Now I get her as a precious friend, a daughter-in-love, and a sister in Christ. Thanks for marrying her, Chris, so that could all work out.

Well, Chris, your dad is right about you—you are gifted, talented, smart—you could do anything you set your mind to. Really: the world is your oyster.

Now, I’d like to retell a family story. When your dad proposed to me, he had it all planned out! We were in New York City; he took me to dinner, then surprised me with a horse-drawn carriage ride through Central Park. He had his speech in his pocket. He’d even planned on the fact that he is allergic to horses. No problem—the horses are up front, we were in the buggy. But he hadn’t thought of the horse blankets in the buggy! Soon Rob’s eyes were watering, and his paper was smearing. Add to that the falling darkness, and the canopy trees that blocked any remaining light. He couldn’t read a thing! My husband, who plans everything, had to wing it!

It was kind of hard to grasp it without the notes—what? what are you asking me? to marry you? But I  got the gist of it and said yes.

I tell the story—25 years later—because of the whole allergy-thing and too-dark-to-read-thing! The flubs are what make it a story. The unexpecteds, the not-planned-fors, the unanticipateds, make up real life. They add the spice and the variety and the character. Without the surprises, we don’t see God. The flubs are HOW God develops our relationship with Him.

Chris, who knows what your horse blanket or falling darkness will be—those things that throw your plans askew, things that show that despite your best effort, you’re not ultimately in charge? Perhaps you’ve already had glimpses of a few of those things, but mostly, they’re yet to come.

You, like your dad, like to have everything planned. I encourage you to take joy in the journey. The more you let God take you off-road, the more thrilling—and peaceful—your life will be. And it will be thrilling! If your goal is to achieved all your goals and reach the end in a straight line, the best you can be is mildly disappointed. But if you let God take you off-road, on paths He wants to show you, you’ll have an amazing journey. And then, He’ll pause and show you a vista you could never have seen from any other vantage point… and it will be breathtaking.

I pray that you leave room for God do what He wants to do. It’ll be better than you ever could have dreamed!

Filed under: Marriage