Susan Cottrell's Blog, page 62

The Heart

Today’s post is not political — it is an analogy.

Human beings are compelled to look at behavior, assess behavior, and attempt to change behavior. We are compelled to try to arrange circumstances so that behavior will change. We can’t help trying to change behavior from without.

Jesus does not change behavior from without. He addresses the heart. When the heart changes, behavior naturally follows. When I receive the peace Jesus offers (that is beyond human understanding), then I can rest. But when my inner world is turmoil, I flail around to find some way from without to calm the inside. Of course that has never worked. Only healing of the chaotic world inside will bring peace outside. Only Jesus can bring that healing.

When Jesus does talk about behavior, it is to point out how utterly and completely people are unable to manage their behavior from the outside — and how desperately they need Him.

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Random Acts of Trust

In Winnipeg, Canada, a man going through the Tim Horton’s drive-through paid for the person behind him… who paid for the person behind him… who paid for the person behind him. This went on for 228 cars, more than 3 hours!

“Such acts of kindness have become a bit of a trend in Canada, with many paying for lunches, coffee orders or small grocery purchase of total strangers,” the reporter said, but they’d never seen a chain so long.

What would the body of Christ become if we practiced Random Acts of Trust? Small times we hear God say, “Do this,” and we actually did it?

I was recently miffed at my sweet husband… frankly, I thought he’d been a little rude to me! So I went to the other room to get my Father’s ruling on this – Can You straighten him out, please? There I had left my bible open to Ephesians 4: “I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Yeah, it was right where I’d left off, and that’s what He had to say to me. I didn’t realize I had not been humble, or gentle, or patient… though I had pretty well perfected indignant. Whoa. I did not expect to discover I was wrong.

Humbled, I apologized to my husband for that and the many previous times I had not been gentle or patient or loving. It was a total Random Act of Trust because until He directed me, I had no intention of apologizing.

Jesus did everything in complete dependence on His Father. How would our lives look if we would trust our heavenly Father the way Jesus did? I’m not sure I’m capable of complete dependence, but the more dependent I am, the more I will find freedom and peace.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

New Beginnings

I do not make New Year’s Resolutions. I can’t trust myself even to remember them, much less keep them. “I’m going to keep my desk clean from now on.” Who am I kidding? But here’s what I do like about the New Year: the new beginning. I’m all about new beginnings. I feel like I need a do-over every morning. …Fortunately, I have a God who allows that.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24.

As it turns out, God not only allows new beginnings, He seems to be all about them. He makes a way where there was no way. He does what I could never have done for myself.

Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19.

So here’s what I’m thinking… let’s throw out those resolutions. Let’s breathe. Let’s do a new beginning…

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Family Love Letters

I think our most under-expressed emotion is our love, appreciation and gratitude for each other. Don’t you? Isn’t that something we could always enjoy more of?

Hannah, my youngest, had a wonderful idea for Christmas this year: to write a personal card to each family member, saying how much we love them. Everyone included, we each wrote nine cards.

It was an amazing encouragement! Perhaps your family would write each other a year-end card to say, “Thank you for being you; I love you!” Here are some small snippets among all those cards exchanged.

“I value every second I get to spend with you, and even just watching your beautiful smile and see your face light up when God shows you something. “

“I stand amazed at my beloved girl, a wonderful treasure God has entrusted to us.”

“To watch you mature into such a fine young man makes my heart sing. I am overjoyed to be your mom and I miss you! I miss our bike rides around Market Street and beyond, and popping in to Starbucks to see you… even though I don’t care for coffee. “

“God has used you to bless so many lives, and so many more in the future.”

“You are a beautiful, precious, amazing person with rare gifts and tender heart for the Lord, for others, for me.”

“Possibilities. An open sketchpad. A blank songsheet. Those are what lay ahead for you, my darling daughter.”

“I look forward to the coming minutes, days, months and years I get to spend with you, learning everything you have to teach. I love you, Mom.”

“You have taught me so much about life, love, decisions, (future) marriage, friendships, and even twinkie-hoarding. From the tips of my heart to the very bottom of it is full of love for you, my Daddy.”

I hope, perhaps, you are inspired to share your love for your family in a tangible way.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Break Your Mother’s Back

I avoid stepping on cracks. Still. I am a married mother of five young adults. My husband thought I had a limp when he first saw me because I was avoiding cracks. (Or if I step on a crack with one foot, I have to step on a similar crack in the same place on the other foot. Yeah, the rules are pretty specific.) Laugh if you want–go ahead–but those little issues cripple our walk. Those burrs in our saddle distract us from the life God really has for us to live. I’ve tried just to stop–just step on cracks already–but the compulsion remained; I was not free. Surely, I thought, the God who hung the world on nothing can free me from this childhood compulsion.

I picked up Margaret Feinberg’s new book WONDERSTRUCK from my kitchen counter. All her books are a gentle walk with a precious friend–I knew this would be too. I haven’t yet read it, but I knew it was for me. Lord, I know You can reveal Your wonder to me in this situation. SoI settled in my own comfy chair and began.

Lord, when did this avoiding cracks begin? I saw myself walking home from school, and then in front of my house. I was around 7. “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back; step on a line, break your father’s spine.” Really? Could it be as simple as that nursery rhyme? I knew I didn’t want to break my mother’s back. I could hear the Lord prompting me. Yes, I see. I had no power to stop the chaos in my home. None. I was just a little girl. But I’ll be darned if I would risk causing more chaos by stepping on cracks I could so easily avoid… I see. I had no power to stop the negative, but I could avoid making things worse. A revelation. I was avoiding cracks all these years because I did not want to increase the family’s (and my) turmoil.

What was that, Lord? Something more? Aah, I hear You. And that is when I decided to limit my power?! God forbid that I make this tumultuous world–that I would be lucky to survive into adulthood–worse by a careless misuse of my power. Oh Lord Jesus, I see it. I see it. Though you have given me enormous gifts, I have been afraid of using them… of misusing them. Whoa.

I know! My friends know I’m loud, opinionated, forthright, and eager to express myself. I am passionate to speak to groups about freedom in Christ, for heaven’s sake. But, the Little Girl in me has always pulled my sleeve, warning me about too much power. She didn’t want me to wreck our lives. Don’t worry, SusieQ, Jesus has got us. It’s His power in us, anyway, and He’s got plenty more to say through us before our time here is over. You’re safe now, sweet Girl. We’re safe.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air… But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:1, 4-7

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

A Christmas Letter to Hurting Young Adults

Christmas can be full of wonder. But if you are hurting, it can be downright painful. My daughter’s roommate is engaged to a great guy–and her parents don’t approve. No specific reason, but somehow, in her 25 years, she never seems to measure up. I wrote her, and I was inspired to revise and post this as an open letter to all of you whose parents have rejected you, or who are otherwise disenfranchised.

I don’t know what you have done or have not done wrong. Doesn’t matter. Because regardless of the reason,  you were designed to be loved. Your parents’ issues are their issues. Not yours. Please hear this. You did nothing to push them away, and you can do nothing to bring them back. I’ll show you what I mean. In my experience with teens and parents, I have learned this: parents’ love and acceptance (or hatred and rejection) of their child has nothing to do with the child. Let that soak in. Parents who accept their children do so because they let their children be who they are. They see their children as separate beings, differentiated from them. That’s healthy. As it should be. Parents who reject see their children as a reflection of them and an extension of themselves. It has nothing to do with the child. For example, one parent rejects his artistic child because he wanted an athlete; another parent rejects his athlete because he wanted a doctor. Do you see what I mean? Once we start putting requirements on who they are, we’ve gone beyond parent and stepped in as God. No, a parent is called upon to love the child before she even comes out of the chute—that’s the role of the parent!

God, on the other hand, loves you and accepts you as you are. Period. Anyone who implies that God’s love is based on your actions says that is perpeutating a terrible lie. If God doesn’t love us based on actions, how much less should anyone else? Love based on actions is not love; it’s conditional approval. “Love the sinner hate the sin,” reads as “hate the sinner.” Besides, as Tony Campolo points out, I thought we were supposed to love the sinner and hate our own sin.

I invite you to lift your eyes off anyone’s approval or disapproval. “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life,” Jesus tells us. “Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Jesus must come first and foremost, and people are a distant second. This is true throughout our whole lives. Jesus said, “Love God, love others”–in that order. Jesus loved prostitutes, adulterers, tax extorters, thieves, liars and me. He also loves you. Although you are designed for community, to seek other’s approval is death. Grasp that in your inmost being, and you will be free. We are to love each other, but not live to each other. Once we grasp how deep and wide and full is Jesus’ love, other’s love becomes much less critical. Parents were given you to love you always and to guide you through childhood, but not to direct your life. Growing into adulthood is hard enough without having to become what someone else wants you to be.

Miranda left home at 18 and her parents had nothing more to do with her, didn’t even go to her wedding. Nicki revealed that she is sexually attracted to women and her mother yelled at her, threw dishes at her and dragged her down the stairs. I don’t care what you have done, God tells your parents to love you. Of course they have issues, wounds, fears. But whatever else is going on, know this: Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so.

Dear heart, I pray that you will choose God’s complete peace will flood you, that you will know that He is proud of you, and that He delights in you! He wants you to know Him above all else. Your family’s inability to love you need not diminish your joy in the least. I pray that you not lose any more peace, or joy—or sleep—over those people who reject you and instead look to God who loves you infinitely.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you,” Matthew 6:33. This means to seek to be in a right relationship with God–by accepting His offer of Jesus Christ as your Savior, and then abiding in Him. Choose Him. He will give you everything you need from there.

If you would like to email or message me, please do. I’d love to hear from you.

“Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.” Jesus.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

An Christmas Letter to Hurting Young Adults

Christmas can be full of wonder. But if you are hurting, it can be downright painful. My daughter’s roommate is engaged to a great guy–and her parents don’t approve. No specific reason, but somehow, in her 25 years, she never seems to measure up. I wrote her, and I was inspired to revise and post this as an open letter to all of you whose parents have rejected you, or who are otherwise disenfranchised.

I don’t know what you have done or have not done wrong. Doesn’t matter. Because regardless of the reason,  you were designed to be loved. Your parents’ issues are their issues. Not yours. Please hear this. You did nothing to push them away, and you can do nothing to bring them back. I’ll show you what I mean. In my experience with teens and parents, I have learned this: parents’ love and acceptance (or hatred and rejection) of their child has nothing to do with the child. Let that soak in. Parents who accept their children do so because they let their children be who they are. They see their children as separate beings, differentiated from them. That’s healthy. As it should be. Parents who reject see their children as a reflection of them and an extension of themselves. It has nothing to do with the child. For example, one parent rejects his artistic child because he wanted an athlete; another parent rejects his athlete because he wanted a doctor. Do you see what I mean? Once we start putting requirements on who they are, we’ve gone beyond parent and stepped in as God. No, a parent is called upon to love the child before she even comes out of the chute—that’s the role of the parent!

God, on the other hand, loves you and accepts you as you are. Period. Anyone who implies that God’s love is based on your actions says that is perpeutating a terrible lie. If God doesn’t love us based on actions, how much less should anyone else? Love based on actions is not love; it’s conditional approval. “Love the sinner hate the sin,” reads as “hate the sinner.” Besides, as Tony Campolo points out, I thought we were supposed to love the sinner and hate our own sin.

I invite you to lift your eyes off anyone’s approval or disapproval. “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life,” Jesus tells us. “Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Jesus must come first and foremost, and people are a distant second. This is true throughout our whole lives. Jesus said, “Love God, love others”–in that order. Jesus loved prostitutes, adulterers, tax extorters, thieves, liars and me. He also loves you. Although you are designed for community, to seek other’s approval is death. Grasp that in your inmost being, and you will be free. We are to love each other, but not live to each other. Once we grasp how deep and wide and full is Jesus’ love, other’s love becomes much less critical. Parents were given you to love you always and to guide you through childhood, but not to direct your life. Growing into adulthood is hard enough without having to become what someone else wants you to be.

Miranda left home at 18 and her parents had nothing more to do with her, didn’t even go to her wedding. Nicki revealed that she is sexually attracted to women and her mother yelled at her, threw dishes at her and dragged her down the stairs. I don’t care what you have done, God tells your parents to love you. Of course they have issues, wounds, fears. But whatever else is going on, know this: Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so.

Dear heart, I pray that you will choose God’s complete peace will flood you, that you will know that He is proud of you, and that He delights in you! He wants you to know Him above all else. Your family’s inability to love you need not diminish your joy in the least. I pray that you not lose any more peace, or joy—or sleep—over those people who reject you and instead look to God who loves you infinitely.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you,” Matthew 6:33. This means to seek to be in a right relationship with God–by accepting His offer of Jesus Christ as your Savior, and then abiding in Him. Choose Him. He will give you everything you need from there.

If you would like to email or message me, please do. I’d love to hear from you.

“Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.” Jesus.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

Brother’s Keeper

Victoria Soto, 27, hid her students in the cabinets and closets before the gunman stormed in. She told him they were in the gym, then he shot her dead.

Some 20 families in CT will have children missing at Christmas next week. Children who would have been there, opening presents in their jammies. These children will also be missing at graduation, at their weddings, as their parents grow old. My heart breaks.

But my heart is grateful for Victoria Soto–without her presence of mind and sacrifice, twice as many families would be missing their children. No love is greater than to die for someone else. I’m pretty sure Victoria’s job description did not include, “Sacrifice life for children if necessary.” Yet something drove her, something about responsibility and protection and love. Something about belonging to each other in some way in community.

What about the shooter? I wonder in what ways we belong to him. Why he and so many, many Americans have no community. These horrific events are often met with, “Oh yes, he was our neighbor. He was quiet and a little odd.” What obligation do we have as community? We can’t arrest somebody for being quiet and a little odd.

Just today, a relative told me his doctor diagnosed him as “homicidal with psychotic delusions of grandeur.” What? I stared at him. I knew his family as a child and it was horrifying. Is he capable of a shooting spree like this one? I don’t think so–but I don’t know. What do I do with this information? What about the doctor who diagnosed it–what obligation does he have?

What is the role of community? Because this man is not the only one. Thousands of people are out there, on psych meds, which they may or may not take, which may or may not prevent the demons that drive them to such hideous action. Victoria Soto felt enough instinctive obligation to sacrifice herself for those children. What obligation do we have as a community toward the mentally ill to provide a safety net, talking such people down from the ledge before this happens?

As this story broke on Fox News, Megyn Kelly asked Dr. Keith Ablow in desperation: “How could anyone shoot a kingergarten full of babies?” An unthinkable horror. I found his answer surprisingly illuminating.

“The terrible sense that you are disempowered and spiritually dead makes you create in the world an awful canvas representing your interior world… that you project the fragmented nature of your internal world. The fact that you feel decimated, you create the symbol of that–an awful, terrible, monstrous symbol of it–as if this will be your legacy, that you have finally spoken, and shown everyone how you’ve been feeling inside. That’s the terrible, awful truth.”

Our broad nation is full of disenfranchised people who live in a fragmented and decimated interior world, people who are designed (as we all are) to need to be loved and to belong in community. What can we do for and with these people, and what obligation do we have to do it? Not doing it is extracting an increasingly high price.

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

How Great is God’s Love

Love. God has lavished such great love on us that He calls us His children! What a great and beautiful love He pours out.

My beloved children came in for a brief early Christmas. Oh, how I love them! With everything in me I love them. My heart’s desire is to love my children as lavishly as God loves me, not because of who they are but because of the love God has put into me.

If you break it down, love is not about the person being loved but about the person loving. I love my children with all my heart because of God’s love in me, not because of what they do. (If they could do something for which I would stop loving them, then it wasn’t love but conditional approval.)

God. Is. LOVE. God is “love looking for a place to happen.” He loves me because it is His character to do so, not because of what I do. (Otherwise, I would believe I earned His love–blasphemy!) Isn’t our call as His children likewise to be love looking for a place to happen? A really great place to happen is in our own families, with our own “loved ones.”

May God bless you as you face Christmas with God’s love in you looking for a place to happen.

His love happening,

Susan

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Filed under: Abiding In Christ

WTF

My friends, I’m delighted to announce I’ve got videos up from my recent retreat — so exciting to live in this technology!

Below is a sneak peak at one of them!  Watch this one, and then go to the website:  FreedHearts.org and click on “Schedule Susan to Speak.”  There are several other video clips there.  This gives you an idea of my speaking style and content.  Feel free to invite me to speak at your event, church, retreat, or group.  : )

Take a look, I would love to read your comments, and please spread the word.

Blessings,

Susan

Here is your sneak peak…  “WTF!”

Filed under: Susan's Videos