Sundi Jo Graham's Blog, page 19

#coffeewithsj Episode 4: Calling People Up Instead of Out

You can’t have healthy friendships without accountability. But what if holding others accountable looks different than what we think it does?


 


Join us for #coffeewithsj Episode 4: Calling People Up Instead of Out




 


And we have some other exciting announcements, including Dutch Apple Praline pie.


 


To continue helping us offer hope to hurting women, you can donate at ehor.org/donate.

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#coffeewithsj Episode 3: That Time I Got Drunk

 When I was 14 years old I got behind the wheel of a car drunk and high. It’s by the grace of God I lived to tell about it. I’d love to say I learned my lesson, but I didn’t.


 


Recently there was a horrible car accident in my hometown and alcohol was involved. Since then there have been so many opinions and comments on Facebook that have both hurt my heart and made my blood boil. Judgment, opinions, gossip, and more judgment.





 


Henry Cloud says, “Truth without grace is judgment.” What kind of grace are we sharing in speaking truth?


 


Are we casting stones we have no right to cast? I’m talking about that today…


 

 

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#coffeewithsj Episode 2 – Stuffy Stufferson

Are you struggling to deal with your emotions? It’s easy to find an unhealthy coping mechanism instead of of dealing with our junk, but we’ll always regret it later.


 


I recently found myself using food to avoiding dealing with my junk, but the Holy Spirit stepped in through a friend and offered me grace.



What are you trying to avoid that God is trying to deal with in your heart?


 

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5 Question to Ask Yourself Before Posting on Facebook

How to Use Facebook the Right Way

How many times has your mouth gotten you into trouble? Or perhaps you’ve been deeply hurt by the words of others. I’ve been on both sides, unfortunately.

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I remember when Facebook used to be fun. I could scroll through and see pictures of families I wanted to keep in touch with, connect with new online friends who shared the same interests, and enjoy kitten memes.

Now it seems my feed is full of online wars between one another versus actually dealing with the problem. We use it as a passive aggressive way of getting our point across to a specific person without saying name. We gossip. We slander. And we do it all behind a protective screen, convincing ourselves if we do it this way, it won’t really hurt anyone.

So. Not. True.

I would bet some of the things we say in cyberspace we would never have the courage to say in person. I’m learning the keyboard can be a powerful tool, either harmful or helpful.

Did you know for less than $1/day, YOU can literally make a difference between life and death for each woman who walks through the doors of Esther’s House. Click here to learn more.

Are there some guidelines we should be following? Yes… The same guidelines we would follow if we were talking to someone.

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself before posting on Facebook:

Have I prayed about it first? 

Have you taken your frustrations to God first to ask Him what He thinks about the situation? Perhaps He has some perspective you haven’t yet seen because you’re making a quick decision based on your emotions versus His truth. Ask Holy Spirit whether what you’re about to post with glorify Him or make both He and you look foolish.

Will it edify others? 

Will you what say increase the knowledge, faith, or love of others? Do you really have your facts straight or just making an assumption that will hurt others around you? Is what you’re about to say going to make others thirst more for a relationship with God or walk away with a bad taste in their mouths?

What if they were sitting right next to me? 

That person you’re mad at – if they were sitting right next to you, would you have the same words? The same courage you might have behind the keyboard? Real life is personal and sometimes the internet can be so impersonal. Ask yourself if you would say things differently.

Will it embarrass or offend? 

Yes, you’re mad. Yes you want to tag that person in your post for all the world to see. You want justice! But what if you’re only going to embarrass them in front of others instead of truly trying to resolve the issue? You better make sure what you say is really worth it or be prepared for the repercussions.

Are my words laced with grace? 

It’s hard not to just share our opinions and want to be always right. Pointing that finger at myself, too. But Colossians tells us, “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive] so that you will have the right response for everyone.” Henry Cloud says, “Truth without grace is judgment.” Choose your words wisely. The world is watching you, my friend.

I put together a printable list of questions for you to keep near your computer as a reminder to ask yourself before you create that next Facebook post.

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And remember this… If you don’t have anything nice to say, just post a picture of a kitten.

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Our words have more power than we realize. Are we using them to help or hurt others on Facebook?

—SUNDI JO

Question: Do you have other questions you would recommend asking yourself before you post on Facebook? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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#coffeewithsj Episode 1: Punching Fear in the Face

Are you letting fear hold you back from pursuing your dreams, relationships, etc? What if you punched fear in the face and did it afraid? Join Sundi Jo from Esther’s House of Redemption for the first episode of #coffeewithsj and learn how we can punch fear in the face together! Yes… the hair is real

An Open Letter to Abusers

Revealing the Truth About Who You Really Are

There’s this thing about me – sometimes it’s good and other times it can get me into trouble. I hate injustice. I hate watching innocent people be wronged, hurt, betrayed, beaten down. It turns out God hates those things, too. 

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Sometimes it’s hard for me not to take justice into my own hands when I see those I love being hurt. There are times I fight back through the power of prayer, and other times, unfortunately, I try to take justice into my own hands. The outcome is usually better if I allow God to fight the battle.

My first memory of life is watching my dad beat my mom. I watched him do it again after she divorced him, and I felt so helpless not being able to protect her. I remember nights my step-mom would wake me up with a bloody nose and take me to a safe place because my dad had beaten her after another drinking binge. I can feel the injustice rising in me again as I type, desiring to protect every woman who’s ever been in that awful place.

As I’ve walked through life with some Freedom Finders at Esther’s House, hearing their stories of heartbreak and tragedy, my heart breaks for them. And as I’ve dug deeper into the healing journey with a friend who spent years in an abusive relationship – in every way you could imagine – the injustice rises in me again. She wrote a poem several years ago of her experience that breaks my heart every time I read it. The aftermath of what’s left after abuse makes my blood boil. I hate the devil and his stupid schemes.

Did you know for less than $1/day, YOU can literally make a difference between life and death for each woman who walks through the doors of Esther’s House. Click here to learn more.

I write this letter today to every man who thinks he’s strong because of his control over women. I write this letter as a reminder that though he may have women convinced he’s powerful, in all reality he isn’t. He’s just a coward pretending to be strong. Sounds a lot like Satan himself, doesn’t it?

Dear Abuser…

I don’t know you, but I know enough about you. What I do know is that you are a deeply broken man whose life shows no good fruit. I know that you prey upon weak and vulnerable women, taking advantage of their fears, screaming lies into their minds, holding them captive in their weaknesses until they have nothing left in them to fight back with. You desire to control your surroundings and you’ll hurt anyone at any cost to protect yourself. That makes me sad for you. Sad you choose to live your life that way.

I don’t know what you believe about God, but I know by your fruits and the way you destroy others, that you have no relationship with Christ, and you have no idea how much God loves you. I hope someday you grasp onto that truth. I really do.

You are an evil man, living an evil life, being used by the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy others, particularly women. (See John 10:10) You are a thief seeking to fulfill your own desires and steal the lives of women. You may not kill them physically, but you still leave them lifeless. Unfortunately, you’re doing exactly what the devil does – prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ( 1 Peter 5:8) You are serving your father, the devil, carrying out his desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44) How long are you going to choose that life?

Here’s the thing about sin: it’s all the same in God’s eyes. Though our actions were different, I once served the devil because I didn’t grasp God’s love for me. My destination was the same as yours. But one day I made a choice to live for God, not the world. You can do the same. I don’t get right every day. But God has forgiven me because He loves me enough to wash me with His grace. His grace is available to you, too.

Ever heard of the word “misogynist?” It’s a person who hates women. Satan has hated women since the beginning of time, and he’s set out to destroy them. He’s using you as a tool to carry out that plan. You don’t have to let him.

You don’t have to beat women, mentally abuse them, verbally berate them, and sexually violate them. God didn’t design you for that. He didn’t design you to live full of hate.

My heart hurts for ALL the women you have set out to destroy in your lifetime. I pray for freedom for each of them. And I pray that you don’t get your claws into another one.

Let me tell you about the woman you’ve spent years trying to control. She is strong, beautiful, and courageous. God has an amazing destiny planned for her life, and you don’t get to put yourself in the way of that destiny any longer. When she speaks, people listen, because she is wise. She has a servants heart. She brings a smile to the face of those around her, and her laugh is contagious. Anyone who gets to call her friend is blessed.

I’m sorry you were too busy beating her down and trying to leave her lifeless to get to know how amazing she is. You spent years and years stealing her voice, but you don’t get to do that anymore. She’s found her own voice, her own opinion, her own life. You don’t get to steal her identity anymore because she knows who she is in Christ. She’s not defined by you – she’s defined by Jesus Christ, and He says she is loved, cherished, accepted, chosen, and redeemed. God says he will restore what the locusts have eaten – repaying us for those years. For everything you stole from her when you beat her down in every way possible, God is repaying back to her. (Joel 2:25) That means you don’t get to control her anymore.

She is free from your trap and I realize that’s hard for you to grasp, since you desire so much control. Just as she has been freed from you, you can be freedom from the trap you’re living in.

Someday she will be loved by a man who loves Christ with all his heart, who reminds her what God says about her. A man who sees her value and never seeks to harm her. What an exciting day that will be. She deserves to be loved the way God desires her to be loved.

I don’t’ know what your bottom looks like, but I pray you find it before it’s too late. When Moses was fleeing Egypt with God’s people, he was constantly battling Pharaoh, whose heart was so hard and evil. His heart never changed, despite God trying numerous times to open his eyes. As God parted the red sea to rescue His people, once they all crossed, He brought waters back down and Pharaoh and his men were destroyed. They died evil while fulfilling evil intentions. God took him out because he had no desire to live life worthy of loving others – only to destroy them. Which life are you going to keep choosing?

My flesh wants to fight for those I love by taking justice into my own hands. But instead of fighting in the flesh for every woman you’ve controlled, I will fight in prayer and the authority of Jesus Christ.

Winning the Battle through Prayer…

In Jesus’ name, you and all of the devil’s cohorts who are using you, have no power and authority over any woman. I bind the spirit of manipulation, fear, and victimization in Jesus’ name. I pray a hedge of protection around every area of her life and say in Jesus’ name, you have the lost the power to intrude in those areas. 

She is delivered from you and the forces of evil using you in Jesus’ name. Satan has lost the battle over her life. She has the neck of you, her enemy. You and the evil forces using her are under her feet. I bind and cast out any spirit trying to use you to destroy others. Let the hands of the wicked be broken. Let the walls of the wicked be broken in Jesus’ name.

I speak against the spirit of Jezebel, Ahab, Leviathan, Athaliah, Delilah, Whoredom, Marine spirits, and all working for them, working in you, in Jesus’ name.

You and your cohorts have no power in her life or the lives of others you seek to steal, kill and destroy, in Jesus’ name.

Satan, in the name of Jesus, I bind your perverse, violent, spirit according to Matthew 18:18, which tells me, “Whatsoever I bind on earth shall be bound in heaven.” You no longer have an open door in her life using this man, in Jesus’ name.

I loose a spirit of conviction over him and every area of his life in Jesus’ name. I bind those evil spirits using him as a tool in Jesus’ name and tell you to flee and return to the swines where you belong.

She is protected by the blood of the lamb and he and those evil spirits Satan is using, you are not allowed to penetrate the protective bubble protecting her. She has the mind of Christ and holds the thoughts, feelings, and purposes of his heart. You no longer have control over her thoughts. She takes every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ and you have lost your power.

Whom the sun sets free is free indeed. She is free from you, Satan, and free from the words you use man to speak to her. She is freed from the hands of him and you. She is strong in the Lord and the power of his might.

She is strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. She puts on the full armor of God against him and the evil spirits using him, and she stands firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Those evil spirits using him as a tool.

She puts on every piece of God’s armor and she resists him and the enemy in this time of evil. She stands firm in this battle. She puts on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, she puts on the peace that comes from the Good News so she is fully prepared. She holds up the shield of faith which stops ALL the fiery arrows of the devil. She puts on salvation as her helmet, and she takes the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

You, Devil and all your cohorts, are no longer allowed to use man to bring her or anyone else destruction. The evil one cannot touch her, for she is protected by Christ. I call you back to the gates of hell where you belong for Jesus to do with you what he will.

Release him  from the chains of the devil and bring his darkness to light. Stop using him as your puppet in Jesus’ name.

She is free. All those who have been harmed by you are free, in Jesus’ mighty name, amen!

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Dear Abuser, this is who you really are.

—SUNDI JO

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Reviving the Lost Art of Communication

One Simple Rule to Change Your Relationships

How many teens are at dinner with their family but are nose-down into their social media accounts? It’s kind of depressing.

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By the way, I’ve learned from my friend Marcie, who’s one of the greatest servers I’ve ever known, that when you refuse to take your eyes off your phone long enough to look up and place your order, they would love to hit you upside the head with a menu.

Is this the way it’s destined to be from now on? It doesn’t have to be.

I want to introduce you to two of my favorite people: Michael & Gail Hyatt. Their marriage is a beautiful example of choosing each other over this crazy digital world we live in.

When I had the privilege of hanging out with him and Gail in Nashville a few months back, it was so cool to see those two interact with each other. When he says he loves his wife, he’s not kidding.

Mike was the CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing company for many years before he branched out on his own. Now he runs a multi-million dollar business from his home, but he still manages to keep his priorities straight.

Did you know for less than $1/day, YOU can literally make a difference between life and death for each woman who walks through the doors of Esther’s House. Click here to learn more.

Michael’s work, as he’d be the first to tell you, is not the most important thing in his life. That position belongs to his family. He’s been happily married for 38 years to his wife, Gail. They have five daughters, four sons-in-law, and eight grandchildren, so they know more than a little about family communication!

They are sharing with you the one rule they implemented at mealtime that had a profound effect on the way their family connected with each other. And it’s so simple, you can make the same change today!

Not only is this an amazing rule to apply at the dinner table with family, I believe it’s something we can implement in all of our relationships, whether at dinner with our co-workers, friends, or even a great lunch after church.

Here’s to better communication. Click here to follow Mike and Gail’s lead today..

Question: What’s your biggest communication struggle among your family, friends, co-workers? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Uncovering The Most Important Thing In Life

The 7 Day Challenge You Don't Want To Miss

It seems like the majority of families that I encounter say that after faith, family is the most important thing in their lives. If that’s the case, then it makes sense that we would want to do everything in our power to intentionally develop our families into being, doing, and having our very best.

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Although a lot of us are “doing ok” as a family —some better than others— I think if we’re honest, we all know deep down that we could do better, but it’s hard to know where to focus our attention to start.

That’s why I am so excited to share with you a great way to get your family focused on what really matters: the 7-Day Family Challenge from Ziglar Family!

Starting on March 27th, Mark Timm, CEO of Ziglar Family, and his team will be bringing to your inbox each day 7 leading experts sharing their proven, practical advice to help your family experience 7 specific “wins” in just 7 days!

You’ll be hearing from some of my favorite people:

Dr. Gary Chapman (relationships)
Michael & Gail Hyatt (communication)
Dr. Josh Axe (physical health)
Tony Dungy (work/life balance)
Brian Buffini (community)
Dave Ramsey (finances)
and Zig Ziglar’s own children – Cindy, Julie, and Tom (spirituality/faith).

This challenge is a free, fun, highly-motivating experience designed to help today’s families enjoy a more fulfilling family life.

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A lot of us are just doing okay but what if we could be great?

—SUNDI JO

Click here to learn more and join the challenge today!

Question: What area of your life would you like to improve on in communicating with those you love? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

 

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How to Raise a Teenager

Everything You Need to Know About Acne, Hormones, and Smelly Feet

I met him on February 20, 2001. It was a Tuesday. When his mom called to say she was in labor I flipped backwards in my chair and was at her house before she had the phone hung up. We still had landlines then.

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I was 17 years old and didn’t know what love was. It was just a word to me at that point, not an experience. But then… then I met him, wrapped tightly in a blanket, snuggled in my arms.

I finally knew love. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life. I knew I would give my life for him if I had to. I knew he would change the world, and he was only five minutes old.

I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. 

I googled it once. “How to raise a teenager.” Turns out there isn’t a manual for it. He hadn’t lived with me since he was around seven years old. In those days there wasn’t acne, back talk, hormones, or the feet smell. Oh… the feet smell. No, in those days there were still sweet kisses, bedtime stories, and an odor-free bedroom. Have I mentioned the feet smell?

He moved in this summer. His first night asleep, I stood in the doorway of his bedroom and watched his blonde hair move back and forth on the pillows as he tried to get his six-foot, teenage frame comfortable. Tears streamed down my eyes as a million thoughts ran through my head.

How in the world am I going to do this? How can I possibly raise a teenager? What if I screw this up? What if he hates my cooking? Will he be okay? How can I be responsible for another human life when I’m still trying to keep myself alive? How in the world am I going to do this? 

I googled “How to raise a teenager” again. Nothing new had popped up since the last time.

Love is bigger. 

Bob Goff says in his book, Love Does, “You don’t need a plan; you just need to be present.” I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. But I knew love was bigger than my fears. 

The love I experienced the day he came into this world was the love that would get us through this new season of life together, no matter how hard.

I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing most days, but I’ve stopped going to Google for advice, so I guess that’s progress. I’ll probably never know what I’m doing, but what I have learned in these last several months has changed my life.

Life isn’t always about you. I realize how selfish I can be. I’m 33 years old and single, and I’ve gotten pretty set in my ways. Life isn’t just about me anymore. It’s not just about my needs. I don’t get to just go do whatever I want whenever I want anymore. My decisions affect him. I’ve learned to be more conscious about what I do and say. I have accountability around every corner. He’s like a ninja who silently sneaks up on me when I’m about to stuff my face with something inappropriate. “I thought you were eating healthier.” Most days I’m grateful for that. Most days…

There is a sock thief in my house. Seriously.. how does this happen? Laundry. All. The. Time. And I swear there’s a little green monster that lives in the dryer who seeks to steal only Caleb’s socks. Being single I enjoyed living out of my laundry basket. Why fold clothes when I’m just going to wear them again? I haven’t perfected this yet. The clothes tend to stay in the dryer for a day or two, but hey.. I’m getting there. He better hope he never needs anything ironed because we’re both in trouble.

I often question my reality. Sometimes at the end of the day, I lie in bed and think to myself, there is another human being upstairs. A living, breathing, human who I’m not supposed to let die. Did I feed him today? Check. Did I sign that paper I was supposed to sign for school? Check. Where did those stupid socks go? Yay.. we survived this day and did it with a smile. But seriously.. the socks?? Remind me to tell you about the day I drove off and left him on accident.

Love is bigger than anything. Raising a teenager is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I feel ill-equipped for it everyday. Somedays I wonder if I’m making a difference in his life at all. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” The truth is, I’m going to fail daily. Probably multiple times a day. And so is he. We’re in this together and we’re still both learning how to do it as a team.

But no matter what happens in each day, love is bigger, and there’s not a day goes by I don’t say “I love you” as he kisses my cheek before bed. (Don’t tell him I told you that. He likes to pretend he’s tough.) We may want to slap each other in the midst of a struggle, but he knows he is loved, even when I’m mad. Despite all my failures in this gift of loving him through life, love covers all of those failures. 

What a beautiful gift.

I’m not his mom, nor will I ever be. He has one and she has gifted him with a new opportunity at life. I’m honored to play a part in offering that gift to him, and grateful she has trusted this 33 year-old, Smurfs t-shirt wearing, overgrown child, to provide a home for him.

Today, that sweet blue-eyed boy turns 16. And I fall in love all over again, just like the day I did when he was born. I fall in love with the man of God he is becoming. The gentle heart he wears on his sleeve when he sees others hurting. The joy he shares when others celebrate and the pain he feels when others hurt. The man who opens doors for the elderly woman at church. The man who prays for the homeless. The man who buys a kid a pair of shoes because he doesn’t want his feet to get cold.

Life changes quickly and sometimes you don’t have time to prepare for it. Some days I wake up completely unprepared to walk through life with him. Other days I rock it like a champ. I’ll never get it 100% right and I’m learning to be okay with that. Because love. Love does. 

Thank you, Caleb, for teaching me what it means to love. My life is better because you’re in it.

Now I’m going to go Google “How to raise a teenager who drives.” Wish me luck.

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How to Fulfill Your Purpose with Community

The Harmony of the Humble

This is a guest post by Kristin L. Hanley. Kristin is a homeschool mom, an adjunct professor, and a Bible study leader. Her book, Navigating a Sea of Emotions  was released in January. To learn more about Kristin, visit her blog. Kristin and her family live near Branson, Missouri.

My lungs panic, pumping faster than they should while still unable to fully expand. In similar fashion, my heart contributes the backbeat in rapid succession. I close my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, willing myself to calm down. Despite what my brain is trying to communicate, my body doesn’t comply. I’m having another panic attack.

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Despite numerous pleas with God, relaxing practices, and even a hot bath, my body still won’t release its anxious grip over me, and I want to scream. Maybe doing so would help me.

In prideful dismissal, I push aside the urge to contact my friends and family. After all, I prayed. I have been here before now. I will make it. I am a capable woman after all! Hear all the mentions of “I” in those sentences?

But after an hour of strained breathing and panic reigning, I concede and dismiss my pride. I instantly message a handful of trusted warrior friends, girls I know will respond with compassion and immediate prayer.

Within five minutes, my breathing and heart rate have slowed to a normal pattern. Truly, I’m amazed. And relieved. Could God have taken my desperate prayers and alleviated the panic attack? Of course. Yet, He chose to use the situation to remind me of some humbling truths. We need people. God never intended us to live in isolation. To fulfill our purpose, we must live in community.

Did you know for less than $1/day, YOU can literally make a difference between life and death for each woman who walks through the doors of Esther’s House. Click here to learn more.

That living involves more than the Fakebook posts of idyllic bliss: it should involve the ugly, messy, humbling parts of our existence too.

In Scripture, we are commanded to confess our sins to one another and seek unity (James 5:16, Eph. 4:3). We share the whole of our hearts with our family, with our fellowship. Obviously, doing so requires discernment; we don’t flaunt dirty laundry with just anyone, but we should have a circle of trusted friends that go beyond the surface with us. That night I uncovered the personal beauty of Psalm 133:1; it was good when people live together in unity.

When I put aside my pride and asked for help and prayer, God moved mightily in our midst. I encountered the sympathetic and compassionate voices of fellow sojourners (I Peter 3:8) and was revived by our connection to one another and to the Father.

When you feel alone, remember these truths:

You are not abandoned. The God of the Universe loves you and calls you by name. (Is. 43:1, Is. 49:16).
You have a purpose within the Body. (Romans 12:4-5, I Cor. 12:27, Eph. 2:19-22, Eph. 4: 15-16).
Your humility will draw you closer to your purpose than your pride. (I Peter 3:8, James 4:10, Prov. 11:2).

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25 

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That living involves more than the Fakebook posts of idyllic bliss: it should involve the ugly, messy, humbling parts of our existence too.

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