Sundi Jo Graham's Blog, page 22

What Gary Smalley Taught Me About Love

And How to Leave a Proper Legacy

The first time I met Gary Smalley, we sat across from each other at the dinner table, surrounded by the ugliest wall paper you’ve ever seen in your life. Someone said he was a famous author, but honestly, I didn’t have a clue. You think that would’ve hurt his ego, but not at all.

I was a student at the Table Rock Freedom Center and he stopped by to have dinner with all of us girls. He didn’t talk about the 60 books he’d written. He didn’t share about his multiple appearances on Oprah. He didn’t tell us about the thousands of marriages he had poured into.

Nope.. he talked to us about his struggles with pride and how they almost destroyed his career and his marriage. He talked about God’s grace weaving in and out of his life. He cried as we shared stories of our own struggles in life – struggles with addiction, sadness, suicide, shame, fear, doubt, etc.

Most of my life I struggled with a fear of men, believing they were all out to hurt me eventually. I was still working through this fear when Gary joined us for dinner. But there was something different about the man eating a typical Monday evening meal with us. There was this peace – the peace of Christ present in the room. There was an unexplainable joy. A comforting warmth came from his smile reminding me everything would be okay. Safety.

Did you know when you shop through Amazon Smile, a portion of your sale will be donated back to Esther’s House of Redemption to help us offer hope to broken women? Click here to start shopping.

Throughout my year-long stay, Gary came back for a visit multiple times. Each time he returned, he shared more stories of grace and truth and love. But most importantly… he listened. He wanted to know our stories. Once during our visit, he grabbed my hands and said, “You should write a book.” Little did I know He was prophesying over me.

In 2011, on a 5×7 note card, as we sat over lunch, he gave me a list of what I needed to do to write that book, $40 out of his pocket to buy writing supplies, and his blessing to dream big. Then he graciously wrote the foreword when my first book, Dear Dad, was published.

As my Facebook feed filled last week with news from Christianity Today, Focus on the Family, and various other news outlets, honoring the life of Gary, I couldn’t help but read each one with awe. Here they were, talking about a man who rubbed elbows with celebrities, wrote best-selling books, and traveled the world helping marriages. It’s almost as though I was reading about someone else.

They were talking about Dr. Gary Smalley, relationship expert. But I knew Gary, the gentle, funny, heartfelt, merciful man who desired to genuinely pour into others and buy you lunch every chance he could get. The man whose hugs on Sunday mornings at church would brighten your whole day, maybe your whole week.

But here’s the thing.. There was no difference. He was who he was all the time, whether standing on a stage speaking to thousands of people, or joining you for lunch. His love for Jesus – his passion for serving – inspired you to draw closer to Jesus. It did me anyway.

I am a better person for having known Gary. I am a better leader because of his servant’s heart to pour into me. I am a better disciple because of his willingness to speak God’s truth into my life. I am a better friend because of his wisdom in teaching me about the importance of healthy communication in relationships.

As I help women find freedom through Esther’s House, his passion, teachings, and wisdom will be carried forth into the lives of future generations.

May I leave half the legacy Gary left. May I pour into others the same way he poured into me. May I speak graceful truth into the lives of those longing to be disciples. May I continue to build strong friendships the way he did.

But most importantly, may my life ooze the love of Jesus into this crazy world the same way his did. 

Thank you, Gary. May your eternity with Jesus be all that you ever dreamed and imagined it would be, and more.

Question: Do you have a favorite memory of Gary? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Three Reasons Why Pride is Destroying Your Relationships

What the Great Vice is Really Costing You

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility brings wisdom. These words are locked into my brain without a chance of escape.

They’ve saved my life more times than I can count. Okay, maybe not my life, but definitely my relationships, my work environment, etc. However, before absorbing the truth of this powerful Proverb, pride destroyed some relationships, both personal and professional.

I haven’t always been the greatest fan of being confronted and called out on my junk. During my year-long stay at the residential discipleship program I was a part of, that was a daily part of the deal. “You said this to me in this way. When you did that it hurt me. When you look at me that way, I feel…. When you pretend everything is okay, you’re only hurting yourself.” If I heard those words one more time….

There were days I wanted to bury my head in the sand and shout at the top of my lungs, “Leave me alone! I. DO. NOT. NEED. YOUR. HELP.” Then.. Then this verse.

It shook my world. It made me take a look into the mirror and I didn’t like who I saw. It literally brought me to my knees in repentance before God and others. Grasping the reality of Proverbs 11:2 was humbling, to say the least.

I still refer to this verse often, almost every time I know someone is going to sit down and talk to me about something important, or call me out on my junk. You know why? Because I hate pride and my heart’s desire is to walk humbly, with a teachable spirit.

C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, “Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.” Think that’s too harsh? Lewis adds, “It was through Pride that the devil became the devil.” Ouch.

Three signs you may be operating in pride. 

Pride isn’t attractive. Here are a few signs pride may be leading your life:

Trying to lead others without being led. If you desire to help others, yet you’re not receiving wise counsel or help yourself, check your motives on why.I’m watching a friend walk through this now and it hurts my heart. She truly has a desire to help others, and many seek her guidance, but she has no leadership or accountability in her own life.

Her unwillingness to be led by others spreads an unnatracctive fragrance of pride and arrogance. She sees vulnerability in herself as a weakness and protects her heart from allowing others to come in.

Refusing to receive correction. We can’t be right all the time. I mean, I usually am, but there are a few times… When we’re willing to admit we’ve made a mistake and allow others closest to us to point out those mistakes with grace and correction, humility brings wisdom.

A friend of mine spoke some truth to me the other day. Honestly, it was a little hard to swallow and I felt myself wanting to get defensive, but up shot Proverbs 11:2 and as she spoke truth to me, I repeated “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom,” over and over again in my head as she spoke. It calmed my heart and opened my eyes and ears to truly hear what she was telling me. I believer I’m wiser with that situation because of it.

Others don’t want to be around you. Pride stinks. Like really stinks. I’m not sure what to compare the smell to, but think of trash that’s been setting out in the scorching sun for three days, then you bring it back in and set it in the middle of your kitchen floor and do nothing with it. Eventually your whole house is full of an unforgettable stinch you think you may never get rid of. Now mutliply that by 10. That’s how bad pride smells.

If you find others distancing themselves from you, and you’re not really sure why, ask yourself if pride comes into play anywhere. Are you listening when they tell you something, or are you the one who has to talk all the time? Are you always giving advice instead of receiving it? Pride brings loneliness.

These three are enough to make me check my motives again and make sure I’m on the path of humility and wisdom, versus pride and disgrace. What about you?

I encourage you, friend, if any of these signs are prevalent in your life, to confess your struggle. To ask God to show you how to rid yourself of this horrible vice. To humble yourself and ask for help. Don’t help anyone else without admitting you first need help. Be teachable. And get that stinkin’ trash out of the middle of your kitchen floor.

Pride leaves an unforgettable stinch in our lives, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
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Question: In what areas of your life have you noticed pride? What steps can you take today to get rid of it? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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God Will Restore What the Locusts Have Eaten

Why Now is the Time to Start Believing This

One year ago today I packed up this Uhual in the middle of crazy snow to move back to my hometown –  Belle, Missouri – the one place I hated the most. The one place I swore I would NEVER live again.

The place where so much pain had burdened my heart – both pain done to me and pain I’d done to myself and others.

BUT GOD REDEEMS THE TIME.

In Joel 2:25, “The LORD says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.”

When I pulled into town with that Uhaul, I didn’t know what to expect. The only thing I was confident in was knowing life wasn’t about me and my comfort zone, but about God and His perfect plans. But I also held onto His promise that He would “never, never, never leave me or forsake me.”

Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

He has done just that. In the last 365 days, He has rejuvenated relationships with my family. He has strengthened old friendships. He has brought new friends into my life I can’t imagine doing life without. He has plugged me into a church family I am forever grateful for.

He has opened bigger doors for Esther’s House than I could have ever asked or imagined. He has put the mission of offering hope to broken women on the hearts of many and He isn’t done yet.

I’ve watched women be set free, fall in love with who Jesus says they are, and learn how to relabel themselves with who God says they are.

In the last 365 days, the enemy has tried to destroy me in more ways than one. He has attacked me, my family, my friends.

BUT. HE. DOESN’T. WIN.

God is good. God redeems the time. He restores what the locusts have eaten.

What if we all lived our lives with an absolute knowing that God will restore us? That He redeems the time?

What if we went All In for Jesus and let Him do with our lives what He most desires?

Let’s do it!

What if we all lived our lives with an absolute knowing that God will restore us?
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The Power of Planning Your Own Funeral

What Kind of Legacy Are You Leaving?

Do you ever think about your funeral? Have you ever wondered what others would say about you on the day they gather around to honor you at the end of your life?

It may seem like a crazy question, but go with me for a minute here. Perhaps we don’t plan our funerals often enough. Maybe we don’t think about the end of our lives like we should.

I recently attended the coolest funeral I’ve ever experienced. E.V.E.R. I know it’s probably uncommon to use the words “cool” and “funeral” in the same sentence, but I have no other way to explain it. You know when you’re greeted at the door with virgin mimosas, you’re in for one awesome funeral.

God called my sweet friend Debbie Sue home a few weeks ago. We all prayed for her to be healed and stay with us, but God chose to heal her in a different way – calling her home for eternity.

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As I stood at her funeral, I wanted to capture the hour and a half we celebrated, put it in a snow globe and set it on my shelf to be reminded of just how I want to live my life.

Design Your Legacy

In Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy’s new book, Living Forward, they ask, “At the end of your life, what will those closest to you say, what will they remember, how will they assess your legacy?”

Debbie Sue’s daughter and husband stood before a large crowd of friends and family there to celebrate the life of this amazing woman and shared about the legacy Debbie Sue left. She made you smile every time she walked into a room. Never did you feel you didn’t matter when in her presence. She had an angelic voice to soothe even your worst days. Most importantly… she didn’t let a moment pass where she didn’t take the opportunity to tell you about Jesus.

We mourned at her funeral, of course. But more than anything, we celebrated. Celebrated her smile. Her laugh. The lives who’ve been forever changed because of knowing her.

That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave.

Imagine Your Own Funeral

When I sit down to really think about my funeral – to think about the end of my life – am I truly where I want to be? Am I living my life the way Debbie Sue lived hers? Am I leaving a legacy that people want to remember? Oh… how I pray so.

Michael Hyatt focuses on some life-changing questions in his book, even going so far as to challenge us to write our eulogy.

What will those closest to me remember about my life? 

What stories will they tell one another? 

Will those stories make them laugh, cry, sigh, or all three?

How will they summarize what my life meant to them? 

If sweet Debbie Sue would have written her own eulogy and asked these questions, I know she would have downplayed them. She would have waved her hand and said something in her Texas accent about not making a big deal out of her life.

But her life was a big deal, because her legacy was a big deal. It was a big deal because it wasn’t so much about her, but what God used her to do in her time on this earth. And her legacy will live on through the generations, because her daughter Katie is continuing it, and I have no doubt the same will be said about her soon-to-be born grandchild.

Hyatt says, “Our legacy comprises the spiritual, intellectual, relational, vocational, and social capital we pass on. It’s the sum total of the beliefs you embrace, the values you live by, the love you express, and the service you render to others. It’s the you-shaped stamp you leave when you go.”

Debbie Sue left a stamp on the world, no doubt.

When I get to the end of my life, I pray the questions above are easy to answer. I pray my legacy isn’t about me, but about what God did in my life and in the lives of others.

Thinking about the end of our lives will change the way we live today.
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Question: Have you considered writing your eulogy? What kind of legacy do you think you’re leaving? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Finding Peace with Your Past

A New Book to Help You Free Your Future

Here’s a power punch of a question to start your day…. Are the chains of a painful past holding you back from creating a new future full of hope and freedom?

We can only heal from our hurts by moving through them – not by running from them.

These are the words from my friend, Jeana Weiss-Mitchell in her new book, Soul Pane. She has a pretty great story – a story which invites readers to consider another way – and another world. To enter a story where wholeness is possible because faith is believable.

Don’t settle for silence. 

Jeana is far too familiar with trauma. Struggling through abandonment among other deep hurts, she decided to stop allowing the pain to control her and do something about it.

She dared to ask God some big questions. Sometimes she heard only whispers back as a response and other times the answers were super clear.

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Throughout her journey, she found a way to emerge as a victor. Regardless of her difficult past, she still found a way to create a new future! Oh ya….

Take a dive into your pain.

In Soul Pane, Jeana shares a powerful process of healing and hope to equip us to work through our own trials. She’ll help you take a deep dive through your pain and discover how to find peace with your past – so that you too can free your future.

Did I mention part of my story is in the book? Not only do you get insight and hope from Jeana’s story, she also shares the stories of others, to encourage you to overcome your traumas and pain.

I have no doubt you’ll be encouraged to get unstuck from your past and start living out the future God has designed for you, my friend.

Let me know what you think of the book and stop by Jeana’s Facebook page to let her know she’s a rockstar!

Regardless of your past, God has a bright future for you!
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Question: What chains are holding you back from freedom and hope?  You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Why My Dad Will Never Walk Me Down the Aisle

What I'm Doing to Fight Back Against Addiction

I can’t say I dream about a wedding often, but there are occasions I do. I’ve never been one to plan that perfect wedding day like my friends did when we were little girls. I was too busy dreaming about winning an Oscar.

But as I’ve released the broken places of my hearts – the places devastated by fear of men – for the last few years, I think about it more often.

The vows. The promises to be there in sickness and health. The commitment to love each other even when we don’t like each other. Those are the things I think about most. But I also allow myself to dream about the day. The dress. The laughter. The crowd. The dancing.

Then I think about the one person whose presence I long for. The one who will never be at my wedding. My father.

My dad will never walk me down the aisle. 

Thanks to addiction, the enemy stole a piece of my wedding day, which can never be replaced. I’m not bitter about it anymore. But I am still angry and that’s okay.

I’m using my anger to fight addiction and the fears and lies behind it.  I’m using the disgust for Satan and his lies over those struggling in their brokenness to combat them with the truth of God’s Word. I’m choosing to love instead of hate.

Did you know when you shop through Amazon Smile, a portion of your sale will be donated back to Esther’s House of Redemption to help us offer hope to broken women? Click here to start shopping.

This month marks 7 years since Jesus took my dad home. Next week would’ve been his 55th birthday. I think back to that time and the funny thing is – though our addictions looked different, we were both equally as deep into them. He couldn’t live without prescription drugs or alcohol. It seemed I couldn’t live without food, codependency, anger, hatred, and bitterness.

Like father, like daughter I guess. I didn’t know then how similar we were, because I refused to compare myself to a man who’d broken my heart more times than I could count, “choosing his addictions over loving his daughter.” That was another lie I believed, filling me with more hatred and bitterness.

Addiction is a false comfort. 

I don’t know all the reasons my dad drank his feelings away, but I know a few. I don’t know why his battle with prescription medication controlled every aspect of his life, but I have some assumptions.

Probably many of the same reasons I used my own comforters – food, pornography, codependency – to avoid shame, regret, and fear. It takes one lie whispered in our ear by the enemy to change the trajectory of our lives, if we choose to believe those lies. Both he and I believed them far too long.

But… the same goes for truth. It only takes believing one piece of truth from God’s Word to put us on a new path to freedom. Unfortunately, my dad never accepted that truth. Oh how grateful I am my Father in Heaven grabbed a hold of me before I chose to believe another lie.

It only takes believing one piece of truth from God’s Word to put us on a new path to freedom.
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That’s one of many reasons I’m so passionate about what God is doing through Esther’s House of Redemption – to fight the lies behind addiction. To help women take the truth of who God says they are and defeat EVERY. LIE. THE. ENEMY. HAS. WHISPERED. TO. THEM.

Satan may have stolen a piece of my wedding day I will never get to experience, but he didn’t get to steal my dad’s eternity. He may have stolen my dad’s life way too early, but God is using it for His glory.

Why? Because I’m fighting back against addiction and lies. I’m standing up for what my dad didn’t believe about himself and vowing to help others believe.

You are loved. You are chosen. God desires to redeem you. He longs to hold your tears. He seeks a deeper relationship with you. He wants to be your Father. He desires to wash you white as snow. He longs to comfort you right where you are.

Don’t run from Him, my friend. Run to Him.

Question: What is God telling you today that you need to believe about who He says you are? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

photo credit: chicago illinois wedding photography

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Why Now is the Time to Stop Drifting and Design the Life You Want

Preorder Michael Hyatt's New Book, Living Forward, and Find out How

I received some great news this week I’m excited to share with you! Michael Hyatt & Daniel Harkavy’s new book, Living Forward, is on it’s way to my front door and I seriously can’t wait!

While I wait for the advanced copy, I’ve already read the first chapter on my phone. I’m not a big fan of digital reading – I want a book in my hand – but I couldn’t wait.

Let me just say this – I’m already hooked and can’t wait to get the pen out and start underlining.

You should know why I’m so excited to get this book into your hands before I’ve even read it. 

Three years ago I was introduced to creating a life plan from Michael. Before that, I’d never even heard of those two words. I haven’t looked back since. For the first time in my life, I actually had a life plan – a vision for the bigger things in my life – the dreams and desires God has called me to do laid out before my very eyes.

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Two years ago I sat at a hotel in Arkansas with two of my greatest friends and we spent the day designing and redesigning our live plans. It was awesome!

We need to ask ourselves an important question.

Michael asks, “Why do most of us spend more time planning a week’s vacation than we spend planning our lives?”

My answer? Because planning our lives out isn’t normal. It’s weird. Complicated. Time consuming. Strange.

And it’s exactly what we ALL need to be doing. We need to find a new normal and do the weird, complicated, time-consuming, strange things, like living forward and pursuing the dreams God has put in our hearts.

Hyatt says, “We know we were meant for more, but it seems like the days are slipping by and we can’t do anything about it. But we can.”

But We Can. 

We need to do the weird, complicated, hard, strange things. That’s where dreams happen!
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He’s so right. We don’t have to keep drifting. We can find a new normal. We’re the only ones holding ourselves back.

Here’s what Living Forward will do: It will lead you through a simple step-by-step life-planning process so every day adds up to the life you want now and creates the legacy you want to leave behind.

Michael and Daniel are giving away over $350 in bonus materials for you if you preorder Living Forward. If you order by February 29, here’s what you get:

A free copy of the audiobook (worth $22)
Admission to live online launch event (worth $197)
Detailed action plan guide (worth $47)
Living Forward quickstart audio training (worth $47)
Complete library of Life Planning templates (worth $47)

Michael and Daniel offer a proven process that can take you from where you are now to where you want to be—whether that’s in your relationships, your career, your finances, or your health.

I can’t wait for the book. I can’t wait for you to get the book. I can’t wait to see how this book will truly help you live forward. And I’m not getting paid to say any of this! I’m just that stinkin’ excited about making our lives better together!

Click Here for Details

 

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Overcoming Codependency With This One Simple Word

How to Shift Our Perspective

My name is Sundi Jo and I’ve been set free from codependency. Multiple times.

Just last week at Celebrate Recovery, I was knocked in the gut with another powerful statement that brought even more freedom in my recovery.

The gentlemen sharing his testimony completely changed my perspective on the words I say to myself and others.

He said, “I used to have the ‘should’ves'”.

“I should stay late at work and help finish this project.”

“I should clean my house.”

“I should go to the grocery store.”

Insert your own should here….

Shifting Our Perspective on Codependency

He suggested changing our “I should haves” to “I prefer to.”

Oh. My. Goodness! That makes so much sense!

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Instead of “I should stay late at work and help finish this project,” you could say, “I prefer to stay at work and finish this project because I’ll feel better once it’s done.”

Or… Instead of “I should clean my house,” you could say, “I prefer to clean my house because when it’s clean I feel better about myself, not what others will think of it.”

Shifting these two words causes us to take responsibility for our own lives, not allowing others to dictate what we do or putting an expectation on ourselves that we really don’t have to.

Did I mention? Oh. My. Goodness! That makes so much sense!

Shifting these two important words causes us to take responsibility for our own lives.
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We’re much happier people when we’re making decisions for ourselves and not other people. Well… I am anyway.

When I’m taking responsibility for things in my life versus turning everything into an obligation I’m a nicer person to be around. I’m not carrying everyone else’s weight on my shoulders. I’m not trying to make everyone happen. I’m not “should’veing” my life way. (Yep.. that’s a word.) Instead, I’m actually living, and enjoying doing so.

Oh… the freedom in being free from codependency. Let’s write a song about it.

Question: How can you see shifting these two words around changing perspective for you?  You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Why I’m Redefining My Bucket List

How I'm Changing from Self to Serving

I have a bucket list of things I’d love to do in life. I hope you have one as well, which causes dreams to stir up in you about doing amazing things!

Perhaps you want to hand glide over the Grand Canyon. Not me, but hey, if it’s your dream, go for it. Maybe you want to swim with dolphins. That’s probably way safer than hand gliding, but I digress.

There are many things I desire to do before I kick the ole bucket.

I want to write a song with Dolly Parton, go on an African Safari, take part in an underground church service in China, and run a 1/2 marathon. I want to go deep sea fishing, ride through the rainforest, and speak at a Joyce Meyer conference. Those are just a few things.

Over the last several months, I’ve been thinking about my bucket list. There are some great adventures on there I pray God allows me to take part in. But when I look at the list, it’s all about me and the things I want to do and accomplish. Is that wrong? Of course not. God wants us to dream about and desire things. He wants to do things for us beyond our imagination.

But I want to redefine my bucket list.

I want two bucket lists – one for the things I would love to accomplish and another for the things I want to help others accomplish. I don’t want my list to be completely focused on me.

The idea of dreaming about the things I want to do for others before I kick the bucket gets me more excited than I can even describe. Okay, except for writing a song with Dolly Parton. Yep, still pretty excited about that!

I want to pay for a one-week vacation for a family of people I don’t know.
I want to pay off a mortgage for someone.
I don’t want to just attend a service in an underground church in China, I want to send hundreds of Bibles to them.
I want to pay for a woman rescued from sex trafficking to go to college.
I want to build Esther’s House homes in Africa, Moldova, India, and wherever else God desires, debt-free.
I want to watch thousands of women fall in love with Jesus.
I want to hand a set of car keys to a single mom to drive off in a brand new car.

Yes.. all these items on my bucket list still point back to me, but they’re not about me. And without God’s divine intervention, none of them are possible. Not one. That would take more money than I have the capacity to add up. Which makes the list even more exciting, because God is the only one who can make these things happen.

I’ve only begun to dream and wow does it get me pumped. Oh Father, show me what you would have me do to walk in faith, proclaim your name, and pour into others. 

One of the greatest accomplishments in life is helping others with their accomplishments.
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Question: Will you dream with me? What’s something you could add to your bucket list to bless others? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

 

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How to Define Gossip

Are You Part of the Problem or the Solution?

Hey.. did you know Betty down the street spent the evening at Bob’s house the other night? I saw her car parked in the driveway. Can you believe she didn’t even have the audacity to hide her car? After all, she’s not even divorced yet. I don’t want to gossip, but I did want to let you know we should pray for her.

Well… I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you brought it up, Susie did get fired, but not for what you think. She was actually sleeping with her boss and word got out. Poor, poor thing. I wonder what she’ll do now. Lord knows she’ll never be able to make it on her own with that shopping addiction.

Before I go any further, let me admit my own guilt. I’ve gossiped. Probably more times than I care to admit. Oh.. the conviction that comes after.. it stinks.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the stories and “concerns” of others, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s even harder living in a small town where everyone literally knows your name.

I wonder each time we get caught up in gossiping about others, how many tears our Father in Heaven truly cries. We are talking about His children, pretending we’re truly concerned, when in reality, we’re just sticking our noses where they don’t belong?

Have you been there, too? Just me?

Defining Gossip

A mentor of mine taught me a great lesson on how to define gossip. It’s stuck with me for years. She says,

If you’re not part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s gossip.

That speaks volumes, doesn’t it? Let’s break that down using the above examples.

If you’re not part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s gossip.
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I’m not really concerned about praying for Betty. That’s just a great filler to make me look like I’m Christian – like I really care about her wellbeing – when in reality, I’m just focused on judging her versus praying for her.

Betty and I aren’t friends. We see each other at the local cafe once a week and wave and smile. We don’t know much about each other’s families. I just know what I’ve been told by others. Seeing her car parked in Bob’s driveway doesn’t affect me. I’m not part of the problem. Nor am I part of the solution. Because I don’t have a relationship with Betty or Bob, I have no say so in why she parks her car in his driveway over night.

So what place do I have in sharing that news with others? I don’t. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I’m gossiping. My motive isn’t to pray for her. My motive is to judge and get others on board with me as well.

What about Susie? Is it my business she has a shopping addiction? Nope. Guess what? It’s not yours either. Do I really know why she got fired? Probably not, because just like Betty, Susie and I aren’t close friends either. I’m not part of the problem or the solution, so why are we talking about it again? Oh ya, because we’re gossiping about something that’s none of our business.

God Hates Gossip

Perhaps I’m a little forward in this post, but my desire is for us to hate gossip just as much as God hates it. There are six things God hates, and seven that are detestable to Him – a few – haughty eyes, a lying tongue, a heart that plots evil, a false witness who pours out lies.

When we gossip, we’re doing all of the above – judging, lying, plotting evil, and pouring out lies. God doesn’t hate us when we gossip, but He certainly hates what we’re doing.

And here’s another great reminder. If they’re talking about someone else, you can bet they’ll be talking about you too when you’re not around.

Gossips can’t keep secrets, so never confide in blabbermouths. Proverbs 20:19 (MSG)

How Will You Be Remembered? 

Think about this for a second…

The end of your life journey has come. Mourners stand around at your funeral to pay their last respects. What will they say about you?

He/she was one of the most trusted friends I ever knew. I could trust them with the deepest, most important things. I never had to question his/her integrity.
She/he was the biggest blabbermouth I knew. If there was every anyone to stir dissension among people, it would be her/him.

Which one are you now? Which one do you want to be? Which one will you choose to be today?

Oh how I long to be remembered for being the trusted friend. The safe place to go to. Not the one who pretended I wanted to pray for Betty and Susie, but the one who genuinely did.

Father, may our hearts may be turned away from deceit and fixed on you. Give us a genuine concern for others, not a facade.  Take control of what we say, O Lord, and guard our lips. 

If they’re talking about someone else, you can bet they’ll talk about you, too. 
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