Ais's Blog, page 3
July 20, 2014
DC Evenfall VII excerpt: teaser Sunday #3
"Hsin."
Sin's eyes snapped open and his hand shot out, clamping around Boyd's wrist so tightly the skin pinched and circulation cut off.
Boyd's heart stopped. He froze in place and struggled to find his voice. "Hsin, it's just me. You were having a nightmare."
There was not even a flash of recognition in Sin's face, but after two terrifying beats of silence, his hand loosened. He blinked and sucked in a shaky breath before his eyes focused. "What are you—Did I hurt you?"
"No, you didn't. It's okay."
"You shouldn't have—I told you—" Sin's words came out amid guttered breaths.
"It's okay." Boyd touched Sin's shoulder. "Nothing happened."
A shudder went through Sin's powerful frame and, instead of answering, his long fingers tightened on Boyd's wrist again. With only the briefest of motions, he pulled Boyd forward so he was next to Sin on the bed.
Boyd's breath caught.
"Please don't do that again," Sin whispered.
Sin's eyes snapped open and his hand shot out, clamping around Boyd's wrist so tightly the skin pinched and circulation cut off.
Boyd's heart stopped. He froze in place and struggled to find his voice. "Hsin, it's just me. You were having a nightmare."
There was not even a flash of recognition in Sin's face, but after two terrifying beats of silence, his hand loosened. He blinked and sucked in a shaky breath before his eyes focused. "What are you—Did I hurt you?"
"No, you didn't. It's okay."
"You shouldn't have—I told you—" Sin's words came out amid guttered breaths.
"It's okay." Boyd touched Sin's shoulder. "Nothing happened."
A shudder went through Sin's powerful frame and, instead of answering, his long fingers tightened on Boyd's wrist again. With only the briefest of motions, he pulled Boyd forward so he was next to Sin on the bed.
Boyd's breath caught.
"Please don't do that again," Sin whispered.
July 13, 2014
DC Evenfall VII excerpt
In case you didn't see this elsewhere, we're going to be releasing teasers every Sunday until the release of Director's Cut Evenfall Volume II.
(VII is tentatively projected to released on Sept 21. The actual last day of summer. We might be delayed on that depending on some situations...)
Evenfall Volume II: Director's Cut
There was a lull after Sin spoke. He cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair, and crossed the space between the sofa and bed. It was difficult to not to stare at the swell of Boyd's ass beneath his thin black boxers.
"Lift up a bit," Sin said, voice coming out low.
Boyd's hips rose enough to clear the top of the pillow.
Sin ripped his eyes away from Boyd's ass and tried to focus on the matter at hand. He curled his fingers around the bottom of Boyd's shirt and pulled up. The fabric skimmed along Boyd's back and, inch-by-inch, revealed a long swath of his pale skin. The process dragged out due to Sin's fear of startling Boyd, which made it seem more like an unveiling than the simple action of checking his partner's injuries.
"Arms."
Boyd extended his arms, and Sin pulled the shirt off. He dropped it on the bed in grabbing distance of Boyd's hands.
"Okay?"
Boyd crossed his arms beneath his torso and held the pillow flush against him. Tension was visible in the lines of his body, and his voice wavered when he replied. "Yeah. It's a little... disconcerting, but it's okay."
Sin nodded even though Boyd couldn't see him. He cleared his throat again and allowed himself to examine Boyd's bared back.
Lean muscle stretched out beneath smooth, pale skin except for the areas that were marred by bruises. There were also tattoos on the back of each shoulder--Latin words that did not automatically translate for Sin. Mea maxima culpa and corpus vile.
He brushed his fingers against the words before he could stop himself but then guided his fingers down to drag along a vivid black and purple bruise that spanned from Boyd's neck to the rhomboid muscle. There was also a rose-colored splotch that started on the left side of his spine and extended down to the tailbone. Darker contusions were sprinkled along that bruise.
(VII is tentatively projected to released on Sept 21. The actual last day of summer. We might be delayed on that depending on some situations...)
Evenfall Volume II: Director's Cut
There was a lull after Sin spoke. He cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair, and crossed the space between the sofa and bed. It was difficult to not to stare at the swell of Boyd's ass beneath his thin black boxers.
"Lift up a bit," Sin said, voice coming out low.
Boyd's hips rose enough to clear the top of the pillow.
Sin ripped his eyes away from Boyd's ass and tried to focus on the matter at hand. He curled his fingers around the bottom of Boyd's shirt and pulled up. The fabric skimmed along Boyd's back and, inch-by-inch, revealed a long swath of his pale skin. The process dragged out due to Sin's fear of startling Boyd, which made it seem more like an unveiling than the simple action of checking his partner's injuries.
"Arms."
Boyd extended his arms, and Sin pulled the shirt off. He dropped it on the bed in grabbing distance of Boyd's hands.
"Okay?"
Boyd crossed his arms beneath his torso and held the pillow flush against him. Tension was visible in the lines of his body, and his voice wavered when he replied. "Yeah. It's a little... disconcerting, but it's okay."
Sin nodded even though Boyd couldn't see him. He cleared his throat again and allowed himself to examine Boyd's bared back.
Lean muscle stretched out beneath smooth, pale skin except for the areas that were marred by bruises. There were also tattoos on the back of each shoulder--Latin words that did not automatically translate for Sin. Mea maxima culpa and corpus vile.
He brushed his fingers against the words before he could stop himself but then guided his fingers down to drag along a vivid black and purple bruise that spanned from Boyd's neck to the rhomboid muscle. There was also a rose-colored splotch that started on the left side of his spine and extended down to the tailbone. Darker contusions were sprinkled along that bruise.
July 8, 2014
I found her! Influential teacher
If you happened to see my previous post about influential teachers, I mentioned I was looking for a teacher from high school, Miss P.
I kind of explained why in that blog but it occurred to me that I could have given even more context.
In case you haven't noticed in any previous ramblings, I only have self-confidence in certain areas. Writing is something I've liked doing since I was a kid, I started writing a fantasy series at 14, I used to write poetry for family members, for funerals, I was in creative writing clubs, etc, but I never thought I was good at it. I've always been shy about sharing things because I think everything I do sucks. My family would say I did a good job but I always figured, well, they're family. They have to say that. They're just lying to spare me embarrassment, or maybe them the embarrassment of being related to someone who is so awful at this thing she's trying to do.
There were three things that changed that for me, and they all involved strangers:
1) An author whose name I don't remember who came to my 5th Grade class
2) Miss P in high school
3) fanfiction
I didn't believe in myself before these events, and even then it took years to feel any sense of confidence in it.
"But... fanfics?" you ask. Yes, fanfics. It was the first time where multiple strangers repeatedly over the years said "Oh hey, I like this. There's worth in this. I'd like to see more of it." I won't go into that more because that could probably be an entire blog post on its own.
As for the author, I also want to track them down someday; it was a writer who came to our 5th grade class but I have no idea who it was because it was so long ago I've forgotten their name. S/he also had me read my stories in front of the class and said I did a really good job.
Around the fanfic time is when I was in school with Miss P. As I mentioned in that other post, she said to the class, "This is a girl who will be published someday." She was the second person who had no reason to go out of her way to say something nice who validated this idea that I could write and it wasn't awful. I think she gave me some of the confidence to post online which led to fanfics which, of course, led to me meeting Santino which then led to ICoS.
Sorry for the long backstory for those who just want the update.
****UPDATE:****
Last I'd mentioned I was trying to find her. It actually was pretty difficult trying to track her down online because everything ran into a dead end.
Yesterday, I contacted my dad and asked him if he could find her in the phonebook. He said he would when he got home, then hours passed and he called. He started talking to me, then mumbled "Oh maybe that's her" and flipped to another line before finally returning.
"I've done some detectiving for you!" he announced when he came back on.
"Oh really? Did you find her?"
He then explained how there had only been one person in the phone book with that last name, so he called the lady, it turns out my teacher was her sister-in-law, so he got the phone number from her. He then tried calling Miss P before he called me but got the answering machine so he left a message. While on the phone with me she tried calling back so he hung up with me, there was an extended time, and then he came back and gave me her number.
"She remembers you!" he said.
I didn't believe that was possible and he said, "She remembers your name."
Which, wow that's impressive! I would forget all the students' names if I were a teacher.
"So call her right now," he said.
"Well, I... I was going to do some-- Do you think I should right away?" I basically said something like that because I got nervous.
But he said yes I should, so I called.
When she answered, I could hear that she sounded older, which makes sense because the lady I found online with her name was listed as being around 70.
"Miss P?" I asked, and she said, "Yes."
I should have written down things that were said but I was so discombobulated. I do know the first thing I laughingly said was:
"Sorry... I was trying to track you down but I was planning to just get your phone number or contact, figure out what I wanted to say or if I should bug you, and then later contact you. But it turns out my dad found your information and called immediately. Which is probably a good thing..."
(So yeah, I ramble in person too)
So long story short, I don't think she actually remembered me in specific to be honest but also to be fair, this was a phone call. She might have recognized me better in person if she remembered my name.
I told her about how I had always remembered some things about her as a teacher, that I'd thought of her off and on for years but for some reason I decided this last week to do something about it... I said, "And there's something I remember, which... I mean, maybe it will turn out I'm remembering it wrong, but even if that's the case I'll still assign it to you in my memory," and she laughed. But then I told her about the line I remembered her saying.
She kept saying things like "oh, this is nice," and then after I told her about the memory she said, "You're obviously talented if I said something like that to you."
"So you're still writing?" she asked me at one point and I said something kind of dismissive about writing some stuff online with a friend.
Then she told me about her son, how he's into photography, how he published a book at 37, and she said, "So it's not too late. It's never too late. There's always still time to do the things you want to do. I am so proud of him. I knew from the start he could do that. I believed in him. So don't give up. You can do anything."
I'm paraphrasing that; I'm pretty sure her actual wording was much better.
At one point she paused and said, "Yes, so I was wondering... Is there something I can do for you?" (As in, were you calling because you needed something specifically from me at this time?)
"I just wanted to tell you thank you," I told her. "I've always remembered you."
Somewhere around there I thought I could hear her voice getting a little thick, like she was maybe tearing up, and she was saying things like "this makes me happy" and "I'm glad you called."
She then asked if I was on Facebook so I said yeah, and I have to friend her today (I ran out of time yesterday). She said, "I'd love to see your writing, so if you have anything available you should post it on Facebook where I can see."
"I don't really have anything right now," I told her. "But if I have anything in the future, I definitely will."
After we hung up, I called Dad back to update him because he'd asked me to. I gave him the rundown of what happened, and then he kind of snorted when I got to the end. You know when you can hear someone shaking their head in their voice? That's what he did.
"Ais," he said (using my real name of course). "I can't believe you."
"What?"
"You have this huge body of work online but you can never tell anyone about it. Any time anyone asks you have to act like you haven't written anything."
He knows the reasons why and he agrees with them (and by the way I haven't given him my penname or the series name even though he keeps asking and I probably will when we publish) but he still thinks it's such a shame in circumstances like this.
And I have to agree. Because I'd always planned to wait until I published a book so I could dedicate it to her, so I could actually show her something. Instead, I always end up telling people things like, "Thank you for existing. You made me believe in me, and believe I could write. I've continued writing but, no, I haven't really written anything at all. It's nothing important."
I'm sure, based on the way I word things, people probably think I wrote like a 100 word drabble with my friend one day and we put it up on Facebook. Which would be a perfectly awesome thing to do, don't get me wrong, but it's also kind of frustrating and a bit funny, in a way, that I constantly have to pretend that one of the things I am most proud of doesn't exist. And it's funny how, when I talk to people, I can't say I co-wrote a series that is over a million words and took seven years and is still sort of ongoing; I just mumble something about writing, a friend, and online, and basically tell everyone it sucks if they ask any further questions than that.
But that's life, I guess.
I hope I can find her on facebook. And now that I've found her, I really want to see if I can find a way to track down the author in 5th Grade. I just have no idea how I'll do that because I highly doubt my teacher is still there, and even if she is, what are the chances she would remember the name of an author she brought into class for one week 20 years ago?
By the way, if you want to watch a documentary that is about two best friends tracking down their first grade teacher over 20 years later to thank her for starting them on the path they're on now, you should rent or buy Looking for Ms Locklear by Rhett and Link. I rented it on Amazon instant video but I'm sure you can find it elsewhere. I really liked the movie and recommend it, especially to the teachers who commented on my story :)
Sorry this didn't end up being that short after all...
I kind of explained why in that blog but it occurred to me that I could have given even more context.
In case you haven't noticed in any previous ramblings, I only have self-confidence in certain areas. Writing is something I've liked doing since I was a kid, I started writing a fantasy series at 14, I used to write poetry for family members, for funerals, I was in creative writing clubs, etc, but I never thought I was good at it. I've always been shy about sharing things because I think everything I do sucks. My family would say I did a good job but I always figured, well, they're family. They have to say that. They're just lying to spare me embarrassment, or maybe them the embarrassment of being related to someone who is so awful at this thing she's trying to do.
There were three things that changed that for me, and they all involved strangers:
1) An author whose name I don't remember who came to my 5th Grade class
2) Miss P in high school
3) fanfiction
I didn't believe in myself before these events, and even then it took years to feel any sense of confidence in it.
"But... fanfics?" you ask. Yes, fanfics. It was the first time where multiple strangers repeatedly over the years said "Oh hey, I like this. There's worth in this. I'd like to see more of it." I won't go into that more because that could probably be an entire blog post on its own.
As for the author, I also want to track them down someday; it was a writer who came to our 5th grade class but I have no idea who it was because it was so long ago I've forgotten their name. S/he also had me read my stories in front of the class and said I did a really good job.
Around the fanfic time is when I was in school with Miss P. As I mentioned in that other post, she said to the class, "This is a girl who will be published someday." She was the second person who had no reason to go out of her way to say something nice who validated this idea that I could write and it wasn't awful. I think she gave me some of the confidence to post online which led to fanfics which, of course, led to me meeting Santino which then led to ICoS.
Sorry for the long backstory for those who just want the update.
****UPDATE:****
Last I'd mentioned I was trying to find her. It actually was pretty difficult trying to track her down online because everything ran into a dead end.
Yesterday, I contacted my dad and asked him if he could find her in the phonebook. He said he would when he got home, then hours passed and he called. He started talking to me, then mumbled "Oh maybe that's her" and flipped to another line before finally returning.
"I've done some detectiving for you!" he announced when he came back on.
"Oh really? Did you find her?"
He then explained how there had only been one person in the phone book with that last name, so he called the lady, it turns out my teacher was her sister-in-law, so he got the phone number from her. He then tried calling Miss P before he called me but got the answering machine so he left a message. While on the phone with me she tried calling back so he hung up with me, there was an extended time, and then he came back and gave me her number.
"She remembers you!" he said.
I didn't believe that was possible and he said, "She remembers your name."
Which, wow that's impressive! I would forget all the students' names if I were a teacher.
"So call her right now," he said.
"Well, I... I was going to do some-- Do you think I should right away?" I basically said something like that because I got nervous.
But he said yes I should, so I called.
When she answered, I could hear that she sounded older, which makes sense because the lady I found online with her name was listed as being around 70.
"Miss P?" I asked, and she said, "Yes."
I should have written down things that were said but I was so discombobulated. I do know the first thing I laughingly said was:
"Sorry... I was trying to track you down but I was planning to just get your phone number or contact, figure out what I wanted to say or if I should bug you, and then later contact you. But it turns out my dad found your information and called immediately. Which is probably a good thing..."
(So yeah, I ramble in person too)
So long story short, I don't think she actually remembered me in specific to be honest but also to be fair, this was a phone call. She might have recognized me better in person if she remembered my name.
I told her about how I had always remembered some things about her as a teacher, that I'd thought of her off and on for years but for some reason I decided this last week to do something about it... I said, "And there's something I remember, which... I mean, maybe it will turn out I'm remembering it wrong, but even if that's the case I'll still assign it to you in my memory," and she laughed. But then I told her about the line I remembered her saying.
She kept saying things like "oh, this is nice," and then after I told her about the memory she said, "You're obviously talented if I said something like that to you."
"So you're still writing?" she asked me at one point and I said something kind of dismissive about writing some stuff online with a friend.
Then she told me about her son, how he's into photography, how he published a book at 37, and she said, "So it's not too late. It's never too late. There's always still time to do the things you want to do. I am so proud of him. I knew from the start he could do that. I believed in him. So don't give up. You can do anything."
I'm paraphrasing that; I'm pretty sure her actual wording was much better.
At one point she paused and said, "Yes, so I was wondering... Is there something I can do for you?" (As in, were you calling because you needed something specifically from me at this time?)
"I just wanted to tell you thank you," I told her. "I've always remembered you."
Somewhere around there I thought I could hear her voice getting a little thick, like she was maybe tearing up, and she was saying things like "this makes me happy" and "I'm glad you called."
She then asked if I was on Facebook so I said yeah, and I have to friend her today (I ran out of time yesterday). She said, "I'd love to see your writing, so if you have anything available you should post it on Facebook where I can see."
"I don't really have anything right now," I told her. "But if I have anything in the future, I definitely will."
After we hung up, I called Dad back to update him because he'd asked me to. I gave him the rundown of what happened, and then he kind of snorted when I got to the end. You know when you can hear someone shaking their head in their voice? That's what he did.
"Ais," he said (using my real name of course). "I can't believe you."
"What?"
"You have this huge body of work online but you can never tell anyone about it. Any time anyone asks you have to act like you haven't written anything."
He knows the reasons why and he agrees with them (and by the way I haven't given him my penname or the series name even though he keeps asking and I probably will when we publish) but he still thinks it's such a shame in circumstances like this.
And I have to agree. Because I'd always planned to wait until I published a book so I could dedicate it to her, so I could actually show her something. Instead, I always end up telling people things like, "Thank you for existing. You made me believe in me, and believe I could write. I've continued writing but, no, I haven't really written anything at all. It's nothing important."
I'm sure, based on the way I word things, people probably think I wrote like a 100 word drabble with my friend one day and we put it up on Facebook. Which would be a perfectly awesome thing to do, don't get me wrong, but it's also kind of frustrating and a bit funny, in a way, that I constantly have to pretend that one of the things I am most proud of doesn't exist. And it's funny how, when I talk to people, I can't say I co-wrote a series that is over a million words and took seven years and is still sort of ongoing; I just mumble something about writing, a friend, and online, and basically tell everyone it sucks if they ask any further questions than that.
But that's life, I guess.
I hope I can find her on facebook. And now that I've found her, I really want to see if I can find a way to track down the author in 5th Grade. I just have no idea how I'll do that because I highly doubt my teacher is still there, and even if she is, what are the chances she would remember the name of an author she brought into class for one week 20 years ago?
By the way, if you want to watch a documentary that is about two best friends tracking down their first grade teacher over 20 years later to thank her for starting them on the path they're on now, you should rent or buy Looking for Ms Locklear by Rhett and Link. I rented it on Amazon instant video but I'm sure you can find it elsewhere. I really liked the movie and recommend it, especially to the teachers who commented on my story :)
Sorry this didn't end up being that short after all...
June 25, 2014
Influential teachers
I've had a number of teachers I still remember to this day, like my second grade teacher who gave me a nickname that stuck for half my life. Or my 5th grade teacher I adored who brought in a writer who seemed to think I was pretty good, all things considered.
But the most influential teacher to me was my Creative Writing teacher in High School. She was the first person who really, truly encouraged me to write.
I still remember that there was one project we had which involved writing poetry and short stories on a theme of our choice, and I handed mine in like everyone else. I didn't think anything of it as she stood at the front of the class a few days later, talking about the talent in the classroom and how we all did well. But then she said, "There's one student in particular I want to point out." and she said some things about why she liked a story, then: "Ais, will you come up here?"
Confused, I walked to the front. She stood next to me and handed me my binder with all my work in it and she said, "I want you to read the first chapter of your short story."
I read the chapter and I honestly don't really remember my peers' reactions. I'm pretty sure they were exceedingly bored and hardly paying attention, but that's possibly just my lack of self-confidence talking, and the fact that now I think we high schoolers rarely cared about anything.
So it wasn't that which made it stand out in my mind. It was what happened when I finished reading, because I looked over and saw Miss P looking at me with this weird mix of seriousness and pride. And she turned to the others and said:
"Remember this, class. This is a girl who will be published someday."
That line has stuck with me my whole life. The fact that she had such belief in me that she pulled me out unexpectedly to read in front of the others, and she said that so simply. Like it was just a fact of life. Like she had zero doubts in the world of this occurring.
I've been really unproductive and honestly pretty emo lately, but a show I've been watching on youtube (Good Mythical Morning) had these two lifetime best friends return to their high school and the sheer act of them being there made me reminisce about my time in my HS. Over the years I've thought about Miss P and wanted to reach out to her but I never quite took that step. Although I HAVE always known that the first book I publish will have her in the acknowledgments and most likely be dedicated to her.
Today, I emailed my old school district to see if they can give me her contact or if she's even still around. I know I don't have much to tell her, but I want her to know I never forgot her. That sometimes when I think I suck I remember her confidence in me, and that today I made a note I stuck on my wall to always remind me: "Write for Miss P".
I'm really bad about doing things for myself but today I realized, I need to finish one of my damn books and publish it already so I can thank Miss P. I don't know how long she'll be around, I don't even know if she IS still around, but if she is I want her to know that she made a difference in my life.
I want her to know that she was one of the influential people that help me believe in me.
But the most influential teacher to me was my Creative Writing teacher in High School. She was the first person who really, truly encouraged me to write.
I still remember that there was one project we had which involved writing poetry and short stories on a theme of our choice, and I handed mine in like everyone else. I didn't think anything of it as she stood at the front of the class a few days later, talking about the talent in the classroom and how we all did well. But then she said, "There's one student in particular I want to point out." and she said some things about why she liked a story, then: "Ais, will you come up here?"
Confused, I walked to the front. She stood next to me and handed me my binder with all my work in it and she said, "I want you to read the first chapter of your short story."
I read the chapter and I honestly don't really remember my peers' reactions. I'm pretty sure they were exceedingly bored and hardly paying attention, but that's possibly just my lack of self-confidence talking, and the fact that now I think we high schoolers rarely cared about anything.
So it wasn't that which made it stand out in my mind. It was what happened when I finished reading, because I looked over and saw Miss P looking at me with this weird mix of seriousness and pride. And she turned to the others and said:
"Remember this, class. This is a girl who will be published someday."
That line has stuck with me my whole life. The fact that she had such belief in me that she pulled me out unexpectedly to read in front of the others, and she said that so simply. Like it was just a fact of life. Like she had zero doubts in the world of this occurring.
I've been really unproductive and honestly pretty emo lately, but a show I've been watching on youtube (Good Mythical Morning) had these two lifetime best friends return to their high school and the sheer act of them being there made me reminisce about my time in my HS. Over the years I've thought about Miss P and wanted to reach out to her but I never quite took that step. Although I HAVE always known that the first book I publish will have her in the acknowledgments and most likely be dedicated to her.
Today, I emailed my old school district to see if they can give me her contact or if she's even still around. I know I don't have much to tell her, but I want her to know I never forgot her. That sometimes when I think I suck I remember her confidence in me, and that today I made a note I stuck on my wall to always remind me: "Write for Miss P".
I'm really bad about doing things for myself but today I realized, I need to finish one of my damn books and publish it already so I can thank Miss P. I don't know how long she'll be around, I don't even know if she IS still around, but if she is I want her to know that she made a difference in my life.
I want her to know that she was one of the influential people that help me believe in me.
June 2, 2014
Director's Cut: Evenfall Volume 1 available
The Director's Cut version of Evenfall, Volume 1, is now available for download at inthecompanyofshadows.com! Volume 2 of Evenfall DC will be out by the end of the summer. We'll get the pdf uploaded to GR for download, too, probably tomorrow.
Cool but what the hey is Director's Cut?
tl;dr answer: We're revising/updating the entire series, splitting each book into two volumes, and re-releasing them (still for free!) online. Eventually we'll publish but we needed to do this edit first.
It's just Sonny and me editing so it's definitely not perfect but we think it's also improved on the original.
Improved how? GIVE ME PROOF!
Well, Bossypants, for example the Lou scene now has audio, we cut about 100,000 excess wording of narration and other craziness, and some of the key scenes were generally revised to make more sense.
But it also meant some of the scenes you knew from the previous versions got some minor uplifts, too, that we think helped build the hesitant intimacy Boyd and Hsin developed slowly over the course of Evenfall.
For example, have an excerpt!
"No—" The word wrenched out of Boyd. "Don't."
Sin leaned back in surprise, seeing raw terror in Boyd's face. He looked one heartbeat away from tearing away from Sin and fleeing the room.
Baffled, Sin could only stare. He had no idea what could have caused such an extreme reaction, especially in someone so unemotional as Boyd, and he felt a brief flash of impatience. He didn't know how deep the laceration was or how much blood Boyd had lost. They didn't have time for this shit; not when they were expected at the airport within the next several hours.
But the fear in Boyd's eyes stopped him.
"What if I just rip the part where the wound is?"
Even this suggestion scared Boyd. He remained coiled against the wall like a feral animal. The seconds dragged with Boyd panting harshly, not moving from his position as if he was petrified. It was then that Sin remembered that first day in the car when they'd driven along Dauphin street. The wild look, the labored breathing—the signs of post traumatic stress written all over Boyd's face.
"Fuck." Sin's breath hissed out in a slow exhale. His impatience skyrocketed, but he beat it back and tried to figure out what to do. It was only after Boyd began to tremble that Sin reached up to touch the side of Boyd's neck. "Boyd, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to stitch up your wound."
Boyd grabbed Sin's wrist but didn't shove his hand away.
"Just that area and nothing else," Sin said, keeping his voice low. He fanned out his fingers to cup Boyd's face again. This time, he moved it up in a slow caress. When Boyd's eyes closed and he leaned into the touch, Sin nearly lost his focus. He swallowed hard. "Just let me fix you."
ERMAHGERRRD GIMME THAT!
Like I said, go download it to your heart's content at www.inthecompanyofshadows.com :)
Cool but what the hey is Director's Cut?
tl;dr answer: We're revising/updating the entire series, splitting each book into two volumes, and re-releasing them (still for free!) online. Eventually we'll publish but we needed to do this edit first.
It's just Sonny and me editing so it's definitely not perfect but we think it's also improved on the original.
Improved how? GIVE ME PROOF!
Well, Bossypants, for example the Lou scene now has audio, we cut about 100,000 excess wording of narration and other craziness, and some of the key scenes were generally revised to make more sense.
But it also meant some of the scenes you knew from the previous versions got some minor uplifts, too, that we think helped build the hesitant intimacy Boyd and Hsin developed slowly over the course of Evenfall.
For example, have an excerpt!
"No—" The word wrenched out of Boyd. "Don't."
Sin leaned back in surprise, seeing raw terror in Boyd's face. He looked one heartbeat away from tearing away from Sin and fleeing the room.
Baffled, Sin could only stare. He had no idea what could have caused such an extreme reaction, especially in someone so unemotional as Boyd, and he felt a brief flash of impatience. He didn't know how deep the laceration was or how much blood Boyd had lost. They didn't have time for this shit; not when they were expected at the airport within the next several hours.
But the fear in Boyd's eyes stopped him.
"What if I just rip the part where the wound is?"
Even this suggestion scared Boyd. He remained coiled against the wall like a feral animal. The seconds dragged with Boyd panting harshly, not moving from his position as if he was petrified. It was then that Sin remembered that first day in the car when they'd driven along Dauphin street. The wild look, the labored breathing—the signs of post traumatic stress written all over Boyd's face.
"Fuck." Sin's breath hissed out in a slow exhale. His impatience skyrocketed, but he beat it back and tried to figure out what to do. It was only after Boyd began to tremble that Sin reached up to touch the side of Boyd's neck. "Boyd, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to stitch up your wound."
Boyd grabbed Sin's wrist but didn't shove his hand away.
"Just that area and nothing else," Sin said, keeping his voice low. He fanned out his fingers to cup Boyd's face again. This time, he moved it up in a slow caress. When Boyd's eyes closed and he leaned into the touch, Sin nearly lost his focus. He swallowed hard. "Just let me fix you."
ERMAHGERRRD GIMME THAT!
Like I said, go download it to your heart's content at www.inthecompanyofshadows.com :)
May 19, 2014
charity: water update
If you remember, last year I did a fundraiser for charity: water for my birthday. I promised I would keep everyone updated as I got progress reports, and I just got the latest one! :D
WHERE EXACTLY ARE MY PROJECTS?
Work is underway in the Sindhuli and Chitwan Districts of Nepal. When your project is complete, we'll tie your dollars back to a specific project and send you proof!
There will be only two updates left! This is what we have to look forward to, which should come within the next 2-3 months (since we're currently at about the 12 month marker):
12-15 MONTHS
Our partners collect final photos, GPS & community information.
15-18 MONTHS
We receive completion reports, verify the data, assign your dollars to projects & send you your report.
By the way, it was super easy to set up a fundraiser through them. If you're looking for a charity for a fundraiser, please consider charity: water! Or if you need other options, let me know and I can tell you which are my favorite charities and why.
WHERE EXACTLY ARE MY PROJECTS?
Work is underway in the Sindhuli and Chitwan Districts of Nepal. When your project is complete, we'll tie your dollars back to a specific project and send you proof!
There will be only two updates left! This is what we have to look forward to, which should come within the next 2-3 months (since we're currently at about the 12 month marker):
12-15 MONTHS
Our partners collect final photos, GPS & community information.
15-18 MONTHS
We receive completion reports, verify the data, assign your dollars to projects & send you your report.
By the way, it was super easy to set up a fundraiser through them. If you're looking for a charity for a fundraiser, please consider charity: water! Or if you need other options, let me know and I can tell you which are my favorite charities and why.
April 21, 2014
Childhood memories of the farm
I was writing a non-spoiler review of Gives Light by Rose Christo and realized I ended up getting really nostalgic for my childhood on the family farm, despite the fact that the book has a completely different setting. I kept adding memories into my review, and then after a point felt that it was too strange to keep them there, but remembering them also made me happy and sad, and I wanted to retain them somewhere. So I cut out that part of the review and put it below.
These are some random memories of my childhood. There are no spoilers for the book in what I wrote below:
---
Gives Light reminded me of childhood. In a way, I felt connected to Skylar despite our differences. The book invoked the dreamy quality of remembering visiting the family farm, where things were different than the life I left behind, where family was everywhere but not everyone considered family was related by blood, where I learned the older way of doing things and was a bit inept at it because I'd grown up as a city kid, and where I really, truly learned to love and appreciate nature.
The house where Skylar lives with his Granny reminds me of the log cabin my grandma had built in the woods... the way the kids who grew up in Nettlebush were so calm about the animals and knew all the stories but Skylar was cautious reminded me of my cousins and I going into the woods, me terrified of ticks and them slipping between the trees expertly.
It reminds me of the time my cousin drove the 4-wheeler as we raced alongside the barbed wire fence looking for the cows. She told me to call out for the cows so I yelled at the top of my lungs, "soooooIE! sooiesooiesooiesooieSOOOIEEE!" the way I had heard my farm cousins yell. She started laughing so hard she could barely steer, and when I demanded why she didn't have the breath to explain.
We got back to the farm and I'd nearly forgotten about it until she started laughing again and managed to tell my other farm cousins about it. When she got to mimicking me saying "sooIEEEE!" they all started laughing so hard they couldn't speak.
"What?" I demanded, by that time starting to feel a bit nettled. "What's so funny? You guys do that all the time!"
Finally, one of them managed to gasp out, "That's not how you call for cows! That's how you call for PIGS!" and that set them all to laughing again.
"Well, how do you call for cows, then?" I asked, and it was a long time until they could get out that apparently I should've been saying, "Come boss, come boss!" instead.
Granny REALLY reminded me of my grandma: a woman who seems a bit harsh and unforgiving at first, sometimes impatient, but who's actually quite a wonderful person.
She reminds me of when I was a kid and Grandma would stomp into the cabin ahead of us, walking past the hornet's nest that was always right at the corner of the door, she would then light the old oil lamps, and walk right up to the huge spiderwebs spanning the rooms and break them apart, pushing the spiders out of the cabin or killing them if it couldn't be done. I still remember the snake skins that had been shed and caught on the wall, and the day she found one of the snakes curled up on the floor and she picked it up behind its head, walked out the back door, and threw it out into the grass.
There was no running water, and I'm not even sure if there was electricity because we always used candles. There was a little kid's potty you could use if you didn't want to go to the outhouse in the middle of the night, and the only form of communication back to the farm house was an ancient radio that took up a corner of the small cabin. I only barely knew how to use it, and it was always filled with static when we called. We mostly used it when a storm was rolling in, and we needed to know if we would be safe in the woods.
Gives Light brings back those memories for me, which are both happy and sad. The memory of simpler, softer times where it was enough just to be alive, and in that state of nature and family I felt more alive than I ever have since.
---
I still remember the willow tree, too. It framed the rolling countryside between its boughs, the trail of leaves leading down to the grass in gentle cascades like a green waterfall. I used to watch the sunset wash the tree with colors; pastels and pinks and a resounding violet that indiscernibly became indigo and, eventually, black. The clouds hung low, heavy and white on top and a subtle change of colors on the bottom, and the wind that blew against my face was summer warm and rural fresh.
I loved that place so much as a kid. The horses running across the paddock with the wind in their hair, the dogs and cats trotting across dirt heated by the summer sun, the four-wheeler rides between stalks of corn taller than I could stand on the back of the machine. The ever-present drone of the milk machine, and the baby calves in their little white igloos, huge eyes rolling and tongues lolling, stumbling so gracelessly on legs that didn't properly support them to stand against the little plastic fence when they saw us approach. The dark stain of berry juice on my fingertips from the garden, and the rise and fall of 1930's dialogue drifting throughout the farmhouse from the tiny black and white TV set my grandpa sat watching for hours on end. The music playing from the built-in radio that I could hear even upstairs lying in bed reading, watching the sheer white curtains softly rise and fall with the breeze.
Even now, I think back and I miss that time so terribly because it's gone forever. But at least I have the memories to know that sometime, somewhere, those moments lived.
These are some random memories of my childhood. There are no spoilers for the book in what I wrote below:
---
Gives Light reminded me of childhood. In a way, I felt connected to Skylar despite our differences. The book invoked the dreamy quality of remembering visiting the family farm, where things were different than the life I left behind, where family was everywhere but not everyone considered family was related by blood, where I learned the older way of doing things and was a bit inept at it because I'd grown up as a city kid, and where I really, truly learned to love and appreciate nature.
The house where Skylar lives with his Granny reminds me of the log cabin my grandma had built in the woods... the way the kids who grew up in Nettlebush were so calm about the animals and knew all the stories but Skylar was cautious reminded me of my cousins and I going into the woods, me terrified of ticks and them slipping between the trees expertly.
It reminds me of the time my cousin drove the 4-wheeler as we raced alongside the barbed wire fence looking for the cows. She told me to call out for the cows so I yelled at the top of my lungs, "soooooIE! sooiesooiesooiesooieSOOOIEEE!" the way I had heard my farm cousins yell. She started laughing so hard she could barely steer, and when I demanded why she didn't have the breath to explain.
We got back to the farm and I'd nearly forgotten about it until she started laughing again and managed to tell my other farm cousins about it. When she got to mimicking me saying "sooIEEEE!" they all started laughing so hard they couldn't speak.
"What?" I demanded, by that time starting to feel a bit nettled. "What's so funny? You guys do that all the time!"
Finally, one of them managed to gasp out, "That's not how you call for cows! That's how you call for PIGS!" and that set them all to laughing again.
"Well, how do you call for cows, then?" I asked, and it was a long time until they could get out that apparently I should've been saying, "Come boss, come boss!" instead.
Granny REALLY reminded me of my grandma: a woman who seems a bit harsh and unforgiving at first, sometimes impatient, but who's actually quite a wonderful person.
She reminds me of when I was a kid and Grandma would stomp into the cabin ahead of us, walking past the hornet's nest that was always right at the corner of the door, she would then light the old oil lamps, and walk right up to the huge spiderwebs spanning the rooms and break them apart, pushing the spiders out of the cabin or killing them if it couldn't be done. I still remember the snake skins that had been shed and caught on the wall, and the day she found one of the snakes curled up on the floor and she picked it up behind its head, walked out the back door, and threw it out into the grass.
There was no running water, and I'm not even sure if there was electricity because we always used candles. There was a little kid's potty you could use if you didn't want to go to the outhouse in the middle of the night, and the only form of communication back to the farm house was an ancient radio that took up a corner of the small cabin. I only barely knew how to use it, and it was always filled with static when we called. We mostly used it when a storm was rolling in, and we needed to know if we would be safe in the woods.
Gives Light brings back those memories for me, which are both happy and sad. The memory of simpler, softer times where it was enough just to be alive, and in that state of nature and family I felt more alive than I ever have since.
---
I still remember the willow tree, too. It framed the rolling countryside between its boughs, the trail of leaves leading down to the grass in gentle cascades like a green waterfall. I used to watch the sunset wash the tree with colors; pastels and pinks and a resounding violet that indiscernibly became indigo and, eventually, black. The clouds hung low, heavy and white on top and a subtle change of colors on the bottom, and the wind that blew against my face was summer warm and rural fresh.
I loved that place so much as a kid. The horses running across the paddock with the wind in their hair, the dogs and cats trotting across dirt heated by the summer sun, the four-wheeler rides between stalks of corn taller than I could stand on the back of the machine. The ever-present drone of the milk machine, and the baby calves in their little white igloos, huge eyes rolling and tongues lolling, stumbling so gracelessly on legs that didn't properly support them to stand against the little plastic fence when they saw us approach. The dark stain of berry juice on my fingertips from the garden, and the rise and fall of 1930's dialogue drifting throughout the farmhouse from the tiny black and white TV set my grandpa sat watching for hours on end. The music playing from the built-in radio that I could hear even upstairs lying in bed reading, watching the sheer white curtains softly rise and fall with the breeze.
Even now, I think back and I miss that time so terribly because it's gone forever. But at least I have the memories to know that sometime, somewhere, those moments lived.
April 13, 2014
Chat recap: ICoS, 1/27, Evenfall Director's Cut, and more
Last weekend we did a chat for anyone who had questions about ICoS, Evenfall Director's Cut, 1/27, or more.
We saved the transcripts of the morning and night chats, and also pulled out all the questions/answers for those who didn't want to read the whole transcripts.
IMPORTANT!!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ALL OF ICOS OR 1/27! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Still here? Okay. Here are a few of the Q&A's:
1/27
*Is Kassian really in love with Ryan?
Ryan nailed it when he called Kassian out, but Kassian really does have feelings for him and wants to be with him. It isn’t as fully developed into being “in love” as he thinks it is yet though.
*Owen/Jeffrey arc: how will their story progress?
Owen and Jeffrey will both be in the sequel so their story will progress there. (Note: this wasn’t mentioned in chat but one or both will likely get POVs in the sequel)
On a side note, Jeffrey and Ryan both transformed. It was interesting in 1/27 that their stories were reflective of each other with somewhat similar themes, and that they said almost the same thing about nerds and power or lack thereof, because those stories were written completely separately from each other. We each wrote one of them and hadn’t discussed the plots with each other. We had no idea there was such a similarity until we put the anthology together and saw the same theme popping up with both of them.
SEQUEL:
Tell us everything about the sequel!
We had talked about a sequel but it didn’t come together until writing 1/27. We were talking about all the new groups, like Rift (the VR group), the Knights, the Jacobins, how the characters would react/interact, and the sequel just sort of came together.
The nerds will have a much larger role in the sequel. In fact, Ryan’s line to Kassian fits well for the theme of the sequel: A fieldie is nothing without his nerd.
In the sequel, part of Ryan’s story arc will be realizing he is a force to be reckoned with on his own. He has power, he isn’t just a helper. Part of his issues with his self-esteem and not believing someone like Kassian could want him is that he was always the support guy, the helper guy, the sick kid, etc. No one at the Agency saw him as someone with power.
Also, the only teaser we’ll give: DARK SIDE.
*Will Ryan be the main POV in the possible sequel, or will Boyd and Hsin still be the main characters? (and related question: how are you going to write the sequel if Kassian and Ryan are both Santino’s characters and they have POVs?)
There will be multiple POVs. Ryan will be the main one, Boyd will also have one. Hsin may not have a POV but he is still a main character. The POVs will be a bit more balanced like it was in Interludes (as opposed to Evenfall which was much heavier on one POV) but it will be a continuous story like Evenfall, Afterimage, and Fade (not episodic like Interludes).
*Will there be new characters joining the Lexington Defectors group?
There will be some new characters in the new organization and at the Agency. One of the new characters is actually going to be a bit star struck by the idea of the Lexington Defectors. They made quite the reputation for themselves at the Agency. They’re legends now.
EVENFALL DIRECTOR'S CUT:
*How is the Evenfall edit going?
Pretty well. We set a date for ourselves to release it on May 26. That would be the free version that is just edited by us. We will then slowly start working on a version that would be for pay: a more professional edit that would likely include bonus content and extras which would then be self-published, to include both ebooks as well as paperback/print copies. There is no deadline set for self-publishing. As we plan it, even when the for-pay version is available, there will still be the free copy for those who can’t afford or access it.
*Where is the split between volume 1 and 2 of Evenfall: Director’s Cut?
Volume 1 ends after the briefing before Monterrey, volume 2 starts with the bus ride where they’re both hot and pissy.
******
To read the rest (there are a LOT more questions!) and find the links to the full chats, go here: 4/5/14 S&A Chat Recaps, at my tumblr blog
We saved the transcripts of the morning and night chats, and also pulled out all the questions/answers for those who didn't want to read the whole transcripts.
IMPORTANT!!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ALL OF ICOS OR 1/27! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Still here? Okay. Here are a few of the Q&A's:
1/27
*Is Kassian really in love with Ryan?
Ryan nailed it when he called Kassian out, but Kassian really does have feelings for him and wants to be with him. It isn’t as fully developed into being “in love” as he thinks it is yet though.
*Owen/Jeffrey arc: how will their story progress?
Owen and Jeffrey will both be in the sequel so their story will progress there. (Note: this wasn’t mentioned in chat but one or both will likely get POVs in the sequel)
On a side note, Jeffrey and Ryan both transformed. It was interesting in 1/27 that their stories were reflective of each other with somewhat similar themes, and that they said almost the same thing about nerds and power or lack thereof, because those stories were written completely separately from each other. We each wrote one of them and hadn’t discussed the plots with each other. We had no idea there was such a similarity until we put the anthology together and saw the same theme popping up with both of them.
SEQUEL:
Tell us everything about the sequel!
We had talked about a sequel but it didn’t come together until writing 1/27. We were talking about all the new groups, like Rift (the VR group), the Knights, the Jacobins, how the characters would react/interact, and the sequel just sort of came together.
The nerds will have a much larger role in the sequel. In fact, Ryan’s line to Kassian fits well for the theme of the sequel: A fieldie is nothing without his nerd.
In the sequel, part of Ryan’s story arc will be realizing he is a force to be reckoned with on his own. He has power, he isn’t just a helper. Part of his issues with his self-esteem and not believing someone like Kassian could want him is that he was always the support guy, the helper guy, the sick kid, etc. No one at the Agency saw him as someone with power.
Also, the only teaser we’ll give: DARK SIDE.
*Will Ryan be the main POV in the possible sequel, or will Boyd and Hsin still be the main characters? (and related question: how are you going to write the sequel if Kassian and Ryan are both Santino’s characters and they have POVs?)
There will be multiple POVs. Ryan will be the main one, Boyd will also have one. Hsin may not have a POV but he is still a main character. The POVs will be a bit more balanced like it was in Interludes (as opposed to Evenfall which was much heavier on one POV) but it will be a continuous story like Evenfall, Afterimage, and Fade (not episodic like Interludes).
*Will there be new characters joining the Lexington Defectors group?
There will be some new characters in the new organization and at the Agency. One of the new characters is actually going to be a bit star struck by the idea of the Lexington Defectors. They made quite the reputation for themselves at the Agency. They’re legends now.
EVENFALL DIRECTOR'S CUT:
*How is the Evenfall edit going?
Pretty well. We set a date for ourselves to release it on May 26. That would be the free version that is just edited by us. We will then slowly start working on a version that would be for pay: a more professional edit that would likely include bonus content and extras which would then be self-published, to include both ebooks as well as paperback/print copies. There is no deadline set for self-publishing. As we plan it, even when the for-pay version is available, there will still be the free copy for those who can’t afford or access it.
*Where is the split between volume 1 and 2 of Evenfall: Director’s Cut?
Volume 1 ends after the briefing before Monterrey, volume 2 starts with the bus ride where they’re both hot and pissy.
******
To read the rest (there are a LOT more questions!) and find the links to the full chats, go here: 4/5/14 S&A Chat Recaps, at my tumblr blog
March 28, 2014
1/27: An ICoS Anthology, now available!
Hey guys, 1/27 is out. Find it for download at http://www.inthecompanyofshadows.com/ or just go straight to the download links:
*epub is available here at GR
*epub, mobi, and pdf, are all available for download at mediafire or mega.co.nz.
ALSO: Boys in Our Books blog will be doing a special interview with Sonny and me tomorrow, AND a giveaway! I believe the giveaway will let a lucky visitor be able to buy something at the Agency gift shop, our merchandise store :)
We were going to release this tomorrow originally, then we decided on Friday midnight, and then we decided, what the hell, we'll just post now. Have fun!
*epub is available here at GR
*epub, mobi, and pdf, are all available for download at mediafire or mega.co.nz.
ALSO: Boys in Our Books blog will be doing a special interview with Sonny and me tomorrow, AND a giveaway! I believe the giveaway will let a lucky visitor be able to buy something at the Agency gift shop, our merchandise store :)
We were going to release this tomorrow originally, then we decided on Friday midnight, and then we decided, what the hell, we'll just post now. Have fun!
February 25, 2014
Starting ICoS? Wait a little longer...
If you're interested in starting In the Company of Shadows, you might want to wait a month or two. We're in the middle of editing and are mostly done with Evenfall. We will re-release Evenfall (still for free) in ebook format when done. We're cutting out about 1/3 of the word count-- rest assured that this isn't taking out anything significant to the plot. Actually, most of it is unnecessary narration or repetitive wording-- and some of it is improving upon existing scenes.
After Evenfall is done, we'll be moving on to the rest of the series. But we'll probably release Evenfall as soon as we can since it's the most egregious.
The books will be available here and at our download site, www.inthecompanyofshadows.com
Keep in mind-- we are editing this ourselves this time around. It will NOT be professionally edited, it will just be a lot cleaner than it was before.
However, if we ever self-publish this (our plan eventually) we will get it professionally edited.
TIMELINE?
Hopefully Evenfall will be re-released in the next month or so. The post-Fade anthology, 1/27, also should be available in the next month or so.
*****ALERT ALERT ALERT******
BELOW EXAMPLES CONTAIN SPOILERS!!! I tried to use the spoiler tag but they don't work on blog posts for some reason. Skip past the below pics if need be.
If you want a visual of what I mean about tightening up the story, here are two screenshots Santino and I recently took:
(click here for fullview)
and
(click here for fullview)
After Evenfall is done, we'll be moving on to the rest of the series. But we'll probably release Evenfall as soon as we can since it's the most egregious.
The books will be available here and at our download site, www.inthecompanyofshadows.com
Keep in mind-- we are editing this ourselves this time around. It will NOT be professionally edited, it will just be a lot cleaner than it was before.
However, if we ever self-publish this (our plan eventually) we will get it professionally edited.
TIMELINE?
Hopefully Evenfall will be re-released in the next month or so. The post-Fade anthology, 1/27, also should be available in the next month or so.
*****ALERT ALERT ALERT******
BELOW EXAMPLES CONTAIN SPOILERS!!! I tried to use the spoiler tag but they don't work on blog posts for some reason. Skip past the below pics if need be.
If you want a visual of what I mean about tightening up the story, here are two screenshots Santino and I recently took:
(click here for fullview)
and
(click here for fullview)
