Ais's Blog, page 2
October 18, 2014
The Edge of Reason; a story I'd forgotten
Sometimes I find random stories on my hard drive and have no idea when I wrote them or why. While trying to find something else today, I discovered a story I'd forgotten I'd written. And it wasn't even that long ago--I think I wrote it 6/17/2013. I hadn't titled it at the time so I had to give it a title now, when I posted it on Goodreads.
I wonder if I was inspired by it because of Olympus by Aki... it gives me a bit of that feel. But truthfully, I don't remember anything about this, other than I remembered writing the beginning. I think maybe I just had the idea of a woman who saw versions of timelines in a lake, and when I sat down to write it this is what came out.
Here's the story: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/374853-the-edge-of-reason
And here's an excerpt:
The water was as still as the dead, or at least as still as Julienne had once believed the dead to be. She had later learned there were so many things happening inside the body, as many things in death as in life, to the point that calling the dead 'still' was a misnomer. The dead writhed, or at least the body did, but perhaps the soul itself was still.
The water was as still as the soul.
It bled a deep crimson light that glowed just beneath the surface with no discernible origin. Beyond the black basin of its shores, the dark sentinels of trees whipped furiously about in the wind. The sky above was black as only the night could be, and even the stars had seemed to retreat beyond the ink. The moon was missing, but then, it had never properly existed in this realm.
I wonder if I was inspired by it because of Olympus by Aki... it gives me a bit of that feel. But truthfully, I don't remember anything about this, other than I remembered writing the beginning. I think maybe I just had the idea of a woman who saw versions of timelines in a lake, and when I sat down to write it this is what came out.
Here's the story: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/374853-the-edge-of-reason
And here's an excerpt:
The water was as still as the dead, or at least as still as Julienne had once believed the dead to be. She had later learned there were so many things happening inside the body, as many things in death as in life, to the point that calling the dead 'still' was a misnomer. The dead writhed, or at least the body did, but perhaps the soul itself was still.
The water was as still as the soul.
It bled a deep crimson light that glowed just beneath the surface with no discernible origin. Beyond the black basin of its shores, the dark sentinels of trees whipped furiously about in the wind. The sky above was black as only the night could be, and even the stars had seemed to retreat beyond the ink. The moon was missing, but then, it had never properly existed in this realm.
October 13, 2014
Emotional/psychological abuse
This video came up on my youtube feed today and I thought it would be interesting to share:
Emotional Abuse Is Far Worse Than You Think - DNews overviews a study which shows that psychological abuse of children is as bad, if not worse in some ways, as physical or sexual abuse of children.
Part of the reason it's as bad (if not worse) is because it has the same long term mental health issues, but in some areas it's actually even higher rates than the other two and socially speaking, there isn't nearly the same taboo as physical/sexual abuse. Additionally, because it leaves no visible scars, social workers often don't recognize the signs. It's also the most prevalent form of child abuse.
Maltreatment by a caretaker was defined as:
*bullying
*threats
*severe insults
*isolation
and so on.
Children who are victims of that treatment suffer from effects that are saddening to read:
*anxiety
*depression
*low self-esteem
*post-traumatic stress disorder
*suicidal tendencies
They suffered that at the same rate, and in some cases even higher rates, than children who were physically or sexually abused.
Of the three kinds of abuse, they found that psychological mistreatment specifically has the highest association with:
*depression
*anxiety
*attachment issues
*substance abuse
This information is not necessarily new to me. I had known from the start how damaging emotional/psychological abuse could be. It's one of the driving forces behind Boyd as a character.
However, when writing him (as I do when writing any character) I mostly wrote "what made sense to me", which is an intuitive feeling. I don't ever think to look up the effects of psychological trauma to make sure I'm hitting all the points in a character; rather, it often seems to be the other way around. I write the character the way it makes sense to me and then later learn what they have.
For example, I didn't really realize, specifically, that Boyd had PTSD until we were editing DC Evenfall vol 1 and Santino wrote in Hsin's POV that he recognized Boyd had it. Then I looked at the symptoms and said, "Wow, he really does. Almost all of those pieces are accurate for him."
When writing him as a character I knew about his history with Vivienne, as well as Vivienne's history herself and why she treated him as she did. I knew that when she was pregnant she had prenatal and postpartum depression and that this affected her view of her family life.
I had written much of their life together before I ever looked at the outcome on the child of the specific type of aversion she would have displayed, and once again it was like reading a list of Boyd's characteristics.
And then today, when watching that video about psychological abuse of children, it reinforced even more of Boyd's traits. I'd known from the start he was psychologically/emotionally abused as a child, but he doesn't recognize that himself so it's not something that ever comes up in his pov. He thinks it's normal that he was treated the way he was because he thinks he deserves it.
A reader once commented on how she thought he was abused as a child-- and said it in a way that was a bit defiant, as if going against what other readers or perhaps what the writers thought-- and in context now of that video that moment is even more poignant to me. Because I'd always known he was abused. It's a large reason he is how he is. I'd thought everyone else would naturally realize that, too; but thinking back on that reader, it shows how she felt that no one else would see it that way. At least that other readers didn't.
And truly, for several years, I think she was right.
I think for some people it's a little confusing to get why Boyd is the way he is. It used to be that people compared Hsin and Boyd and said that Hsin had reason to be messed up because he'd been sexually and physically abused as a child, but Boyd hadn't been so he didn't have that same right. He was expected to be more "normal." That viewpoint hasn't been around for years so I'm not mentioning it for any other reason than to reinforce exactly what that video was saying, and to get to the second reason for why I'm sharing this.
Please, PLEASE, don't underestimate the long term effects of psychological or emotional abuse on anyone, especially a child. If you know a child who is in a bad situation, please research about this, talk to experts or professionals, and find out if there's anything you can do to help.
I think that in our society there's a lot of victim-blaming in general. Sexual assault is often not taken nearly as seriously as it should be and many times turns into "well what did you do to deserve that?" instead of focusing on the attacker, and the same skewed view can go to an extent for domestic abuse where after a point people dismiss it as just being the way it is because the victim refuses to leave. Thankfully with children, at least, people do tend to take sexual and physical assault and abuse more seriously and are less likely to blame the child.
But whether you're grown up or you're a child, our society in the US at least doesn't really acknowledge the severity of ongoing psychological/emotional abuse. Even if sexual assault and domestic assault are dismissed or skewed, they are still part of a known issue, and can be openly discussed, with groups of people on either side of the debate talking about why the other side is wrong. There are campaigns out there especially on sexual assault, trying to bring it to the forefront more. Because sexual assault and physical assault can both leave scars/wounds mentally and physically, it's harder to deny that SOMETHING happened, even if there are unnecessary debates about the reason for that Something.
I feel like there isn't the same thing for psychological/emotional abuse. I feel like victims of that are dismissed more readily as being whiners or weak, as not having a "real" reason to be upset, as making things up or dramatizing the situation. They're told by the person abusing them that they're meaningless or worthless, and then by society that the fact they feel meaningless or worthless proves that they truly ARE for not being able to just "get over it." That because they have no physical wound, it means they have no right to have psychological or emotional scars.
But they can and they do, and in many ways it's much more insidious than other wounds because it's that much more invisible to the naked eye.
I wonder, personally, if part of the reason those children experience those issues more intensely is simply because they aren't given the justification by society/others that other abuses are-- that, yes, whatever you may feel about the issue itself, at least we all acknowledge it IS an issue.
Instead, after being isolated and abused by someone, you are isolated and abused by society even more, and there is no outlet for feeling how you feel. There is no way of telling yourself it's okay that you feel this way because inevitably you're compared to other people and their traumas in greater society, and you're cut down in comparison the same way you're cut down at home.
I feel like in that way it would be much harder to acknowledge even in your own mind that there is an issue and it's a legitimate one; that, instead, you'd be more likely to tell yourself all the words that you hear everyone else saying. You don't have reason to be upset. You're just being pathetic. Nothing's wrong, right? Because you have no proof. We'll only believe you with outward, physical proof.
It's very sad to me to think about that mindset. I know I rambled a bit on this, and I want to be clear (if it wasn't already) that I am not in any way, shape, or form downgrading the trauma and horror of sexual abuse or physical abuse. These are NOT OKAY. EVER. I am with all the other people who decry it. All I'm saying is, please be aware that there is another abuse out there that is just as dangerous and damaging for the individual-- in some cases even more so-- that currently is all too easily dismissed as not existing at all.
Please remember that video if you know anyone who might be suffering from this, because just knowing that someone out there sees their trauma as legitimate might make all the difference in the world to someone who might otherwise feel completely and totally alone in their pain.
Emotional Abuse Is Far Worse Than You Think - DNews overviews a study which shows that psychological abuse of children is as bad, if not worse in some ways, as physical or sexual abuse of children.
Part of the reason it's as bad (if not worse) is because it has the same long term mental health issues, but in some areas it's actually even higher rates than the other two and socially speaking, there isn't nearly the same taboo as physical/sexual abuse. Additionally, because it leaves no visible scars, social workers often don't recognize the signs. It's also the most prevalent form of child abuse.
Maltreatment by a caretaker was defined as:
*bullying
*threats
*severe insults
*isolation
and so on.
Children who are victims of that treatment suffer from effects that are saddening to read:
*anxiety
*depression
*low self-esteem
*post-traumatic stress disorder
*suicidal tendencies
They suffered that at the same rate, and in some cases even higher rates, than children who were physically or sexually abused.
Of the three kinds of abuse, they found that psychological mistreatment specifically has the highest association with:
*depression
*anxiety
*attachment issues
*substance abuse
This information is not necessarily new to me. I had known from the start how damaging emotional/psychological abuse could be. It's one of the driving forces behind Boyd as a character.
However, when writing him (as I do when writing any character) I mostly wrote "what made sense to me", which is an intuitive feeling. I don't ever think to look up the effects of psychological trauma to make sure I'm hitting all the points in a character; rather, it often seems to be the other way around. I write the character the way it makes sense to me and then later learn what they have.
For example, I didn't really realize, specifically, that Boyd had PTSD until we were editing DC Evenfall vol 1 and Santino wrote in Hsin's POV that he recognized Boyd had it. Then I looked at the symptoms and said, "Wow, he really does. Almost all of those pieces are accurate for him."
When writing him as a character I knew about his history with Vivienne, as well as Vivienne's history herself and why she treated him as she did. I knew that when she was pregnant she had prenatal and postpartum depression and that this affected her view of her family life.
I had written much of their life together before I ever looked at the outcome on the child of the specific type of aversion she would have displayed, and once again it was like reading a list of Boyd's characteristics.
And then today, when watching that video about psychological abuse of children, it reinforced even more of Boyd's traits. I'd known from the start he was psychologically/emotionally abused as a child, but he doesn't recognize that himself so it's not something that ever comes up in his pov. He thinks it's normal that he was treated the way he was because he thinks he deserves it.
A reader once commented on how she thought he was abused as a child-- and said it in a way that was a bit defiant, as if going against what other readers or perhaps what the writers thought-- and in context now of that video that moment is even more poignant to me. Because I'd always known he was abused. It's a large reason he is how he is. I'd thought everyone else would naturally realize that, too; but thinking back on that reader, it shows how she felt that no one else would see it that way. At least that other readers didn't.
And truly, for several years, I think she was right.
I think for some people it's a little confusing to get why Boyd is the way he is. It used to be that people compared Hsin and Boyd and said that Hsin had reason to be messed up because he'd been sexually and physically abused as a child, but Boyd hadn't been so he didn't have that same right. He was expected to be more "normal." That viewpoint hasn't been around for years so I'm not mentioning it for any other reason than to reinforce exactly what that video was saying, and to get to the second reason for why I'm sharing this.
Please, PLEASE, don't underestimate the long term effects of psychological or emotional abuse on anyone, especially a child. If you know a child who is in a bad situation, please research about this, talk to experts or professionals, and find out if there's anything you can do to help.
I think that in our society there's a lot of victim-blaming in general. Sexual assault is often not taken nearly as seriously as it should be and many times turns into "well what did you do to deserve that?" instead of focusing on the attacker, and the same skewed view can go to an extent for domestic abuse where after a point people dismiss it as just being the way it is because the victim refuses to leave. Thankfully with children, at least, people do tend to take sexual and physical assault and abuse more seriously and are less likely to blame the child.
But whether you're grown up or you're a child, our society in the US at least doesn't really acknowledge the severity of ongoing psychological/emotional abuse. Even if sexual assault and domestic assault are dismissed or skewed, they are still part of a known issue, and can be openly discussed, with groups of people on either side of the debate talking about why the other side is wrong. There are campaigns out there especially on sexual assault, trying to bring it to the forefront more. Because sexual assault and physical assault can both leave scars/wounds mentally and physically, it's harder to deny that SOMETHING happened, even if there are unnecessary debates about the reason for that Something.
I feel like there isn't the same thing for psychological/emotional abuse. I feel like victims of that are dismissed more readily as being whiners or weak, as not having a "real" reason to be upset, as making things up or dramatizing the situation. They're told by the person abusing them that they're meaningless or worthless, and then by society that the fact they feel meaningless or worthless proves that they truly ARE for not being able to just "get over it." That because they have no physical wound, it means they have no right to have psychological or emotional scars.
But they can and they do, and in many ways it's much more insidious than other wounds because it's that much more invisible to the naked eye.
I wonder, personally, if part of the reason those children experience those issues more intensely is simply because they aren't given the justification by society/others that other abuses are-- that, yes, whatever you may feel about the issue itself, at least we all acknowledge it IS an issue.
Instead, after being isolated and abused by someone, you are isolated and abused by society even more, and there is no outlet for feeling how you feel. There is no way of telling yourself it's okay that you feel this way because inevitably you're compared to other people and their traumas in greater society, and you're cut down in comparison the same way you're cut down at home.
I feel like in that way it would be much harder to acknowledge even in your own mind that there is an issue and it's a legitimate one; that, instead, you'd be more likely to tell yourself all the words that you hear everyone else saying. You don't have reason to be upset. You're just being pathetic. Nothing's wrong, right? Because you have no proof. We'll only believe you with outward, physical proof.
It's very sad to me to think about that mindset. I know I rambled a bit on this, and I want to be clear (if it wasn't already) that I am not in any way, shape, or form downgrading the trauma and horror of sexual abuse or physical abuse. These are NOT OKAY. EVER. I am with all the other people who decry it. All I'm saying is, please be aware that there is another abuse out there that is just as dangerous and damaging for the individual-- in some cases even more so-- that currently is all too easily dismissed as not existing at all.
Please remember that video if you know anyone who might be suffering from this, because just knowing that someone out there sees their trauma as legitimate might make all the difference in the world to someone who might otherwise feel completely and totally alone in their pain.
October 9, 2014
A story by my 10-11-year old self
In trying to locate a paper I wrote in college, I accidentally ran across a story I had written back in the day. It doesn't have a date or grade listed on it, but I am almost positive I wrote this in Fifth Grade, which means I would have been 10 or 11 years old. I once mentioned how a writer came to my Fifth Grade class and I felt encouraged by his response to my stories. I am almost positive this was one of those stories.
Reading it now, I was amused and embarrassed. I can't decide which of those I felt more strongly. But I decided to share it because, really, when have I ever stopped from embarrassing myself when I had the chance to make fun of myself in the process?
full size
full size
Sorry for the color difference. The first page was blurry when I tried taking a picture, and so I had to take another picture under different lighting.
The only thing I did was remove my name on the second page. If this isn't legible, I can type it out if anyone has some bizarre need for that. Or else just click the link under each image to go to the full size where you can read it better.
What do you think? Am I any better of a writer 20-21 years later? My little magic 8-ball says sources say no lol
Reading it now, I was amused and embarrassed. I can't decide which of those I felt more strongly. But I decided to share it because, really, when have I ever stopped from embarrassing myself when I had the chance to make fun of myself in the process?
full size
full size
Sorry for the color difference. The first page was blurry when I tried taking a picture, and so I had to take another picture under different lighting.
The only thing I did was remove my name on the second page. If this isn't legible, I can type it out if anyone has some bizarre need for that. Or else just click the link under each image to go to the full size where you can read it better.
What do you think? Am I any better of a writer 20-21 years later? My little magic 8-ball says sources say no lol
September 30, 2014
Win a signed paperback copy of DC Evenfall 1 and 2
Do you want to see Director's Cut Evenfall volumes 1 and 2 on your bookshelf? You DO have a chance! For real!
Boys in Our Books is hosting a special giveaway: one lucky winner will win a SIGNED, PAPERBACK copy of Director's Cut Evenfall volumes 1 and 2 that will be sent to them no matter where they live in the world.
But wait, you say! ICoS is not in print! You've told us that a million times!
It's true, internet friend. Which is why this is super special, because right now there isn't another way to have a printed paperback copy of DC Evenfall 1 and 2 on your shelves.
Want to put your name in for the chance to win? It's super easy!
Visit the Boys in Our Books group review + giveaway blog post, and simply leave a comment there by October 7. A winner will randomly be chosen.
Just imagine this chilling out on your bookshelf, if you need a moment to decide:
PS: sorry if you've been bombarded by my announcement of this on various social media, but I figured it was the sort of thing that a reader might be super sad to realize they missed if they didn't see it in time.
Boys in Our Books is hosting a special giveaway: one lucky winner will win a SIGNED, PAPERBACK copy of Director's Cut Evenfall volumes 1 and 2 that will be sent to them no matter where they live in the world.
But wait, you say! ICoS is not in print! You've told us that a million times!
It's true, internet friend. Which is why this is super special, because right now there isn't another way to have a printed paperback copy of DC Evenfall 1 and 2 on your shelves.
Want to put your name in for the chance to win? It's super easy!
Visit the Boys in Our Books group review + giveaway blog post, and simply leave a comment there by October 7. A winner will randomly be chosen.
Just imagine this chilling out on your bookshelf, if you need a moment to decide:
PS: sorry if you've been bombarded by my announcement of this on various social media, but I figured it was the sort of thing that a reader might be super sad to realize they missed if they didn't see it in time.
September 23, 2014
Does this exist?
So, when I was in college I had an idea for a charity foundation I wanted to create. I didn't have a lot of money. I had student loans paying for 2/3 my tuition and the little bit of spending money I had was gained in short spurts back home or in my work-study.
Still, I really wanted to donate. When I saw a cause that was important to me, I tried to help however I could.
But I was embarrassed if all I could give was $5. All these other people were dropping $25, $30 like it was nothing, but for me even that $5 meant I might not have a full breakfast one morning, or maybe I would wait a little longer to get groceries. Or maybe, if it was the middle of the night and I was tired, I couldn't afford a Sprite from the machine as my small luxury.
So I had the idea of creating a charity. The idea was that I would identify small, workable goals all over the world wherever it was needed--whether that was Fiji or Russia or Peru or the US or wherever. And the goal would be to target people who could only donate small amounts. $5 would be the norm there, maybe even a large donation. There would be no time limit on the fundraising; it would go until we could raise the money.
Once the money was raised, (much like Charity: Water does) it would track the progress of the solution from purchasing whatever it is, to sending it, to the implementation. Pictures and stories and other pieces of a portfolio to show that, yes, this thing happened, and yes, you and your $1 were more than a part. You were integral.
The first idea I had for a goal was to get schoolbooks to a particular Muslim school in Fiji that I knew of through my host mom. She'd told me about how the building had a lot of issues and not all kids even had desks, and they didn't have many supplies, but the biggest concern at that time was that almost no one had textbooks. At the time, since she lived there I thought it would be easier for me to get her the supplies and ensure it would make its way to the correct school, and ensure we could get photographic proof we could bring back to the donors.
I thought that after that first project, I could figure out a way to ask around. It was important to me that we ASK what the problem was and (if possible) what the solution was thought to be by the people experiencing the problem, not just having this organization show up with something that wasn't that helpful for the people actually in need. No one on the outside will ever know as well the trials and necessities of someone on the inside.
When I was around 22, I started creating the website for the charity. But the problem was, although I had the idea I had none of the knowledge to back it up. And I definitely had none of the money. So I kept trying to work on it here and there until it went into the background and eventually faded away.
I forgot about it for years because I saw all sorts of other charities out there that were wonderful.
But I started thinking of it again with the current water.org fundraiser John Green is doing. I donated (of course) and noticed the typical variation in amount of donations-- and I was very moved by how this was a fundraiser meant to raise $100,000 over the course of 10 days, and in only a day and a half they had met the goal. Most people didn't go above $30, although of course some did. It was the power of a movement of many smaller pieces making a greater whole, which feels so special to me.
But in scrolling through the donation list, reading comments, I saw a number of $5 donations. My thought was how awesome those people were to donate when they probably didn't have a lot of money-- but when those people did leave comments, their view on it was how mine used to be. They said things like, "I wish I could give more" and one kid even said something like, "I'm a broke college student but I'm doing what I can."
It reminded me of when I'd been in that position, and what I thought people might think of me, and how that made me hesitate to get involved sometimes.
So, that was a long way of getting to my main question:
Does this sort of charity exist now?
It's been 10 years since I first got the idea, so surely someone else has done this by now. I would love to get a link to such a charity so I could make sure I get it on my list of charities to donate to whenever possible.
If it doesn't exist, that's a problem because I think it could be useful to have as an option for students and others with very limited incomes but who still want to help. And if it doesn't exist, I'll have to keep this idea with a hope of still managing a real world implementation sometime in the future.
I don't know how exactly I'd go about it, but at least one thing has changed since college: now I know people who are much more versed on non-profits than I am, so at least I would have some experts to consult.
The best thing would be if a charity like this is already around, though, because surely whoever is in charge of it would do a much better job than I ever would.
**************************
Incidentally, since I'm talking about charities anyway, I never pass up a chance to spread the word about my favorite charities I donate to whenever I can. (And of course I also donate to my alma mater when I can, because grants paid for the other 1/3 of my tuition so I want to help some other student like unknown alumni helped me.)
Best Friends Animal Society: http://bestfriends.org/
This place is incredible-- a 20,000 acre no-kill animal shelter (the largest of its kind which is also the largest shelter for homeless pets in the US). They rehabilitate animals, save animals from death in other shelters, adopt out pets as much as possible but let them live their lives in dignity if they can't be adopted, had a show called Dogtown on the National Geographic channel for a while, saved the Michael Vick dogs, and... well. I can't explain how much I love them.
More information at their FAQ: http://bestfriends.org/Who-We-Are/Fre...
More information on their work: http://bestfriends.org/What-We-Do/Our...
Or if you want a video, this is an episode of Dogtown as an example: http://youtu.be/yp8akb974_Q
Partners In Health: http://www.pih.org/
If you have not yet read Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, you must read it. I love that book. It's what introduced me to Paul Farmer, a man who since then I have found to be a huge inspiration. Any time I try to explain their work, I do a terrible job. In short, they go to poverty-stricken areas with very poor access to clean, consistent, and safe health facilities, and they build free hospitals with quality medical care, as well as teach the local population (which is often highly rural) how to expand these efforts of safe health beyond the hospital grounds. They started in Haiti in the 1980's and have since started projects in countries around the world.
Again, awful job explaining how incredible they are, so go here to see their work yourself: http://www.pih.org/our-work
Or consider a quote from one of the co-founders:
“The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that's wrong with the world.”
—DR. PAUL FARMER
Charity: Water - http://www.charitywater.org/
If you were around for my 30th birthday, you know I donated that birthday to charity: water. One of the reasons I love this charity in particular is that 100% of donations goes straight to the goal and they follow up with you on where exactly your money is going, as well as give you pictures when it's done.
Wondering, why water? Go here and probably cry--but I hope, after that, you'll donate money or your birthday to help this cause: http://www.charitywater.org/whywater/
Find more about donating your birthday here: https://www.charitywater.org/birthdays/
By the way, for once I'm not even going to apologize for a long entry because, if anything deserves a lot of attention being paid to it, charity would be it.
Still, I really wanted to donate. When I saw a cause that was important to me, I tried to help however I could.
But I was embarrassed if all I could give was $5. All these other people were dropping $25, $30 like it was nothing, but for me even that $5 meant I might not have a full breakfast one morning, or maybe I would wait a little longer to get groceries. Or maybe, if it was the middle of the night and I was tired, I couldn't afford a Sprite from the machine as my small luxury.
So I had the idea of creating a charity. The idea was that I would identify small, workable goals all over the world wherever it was needed--whether that was Fiji or Russia or Peru or the US or wherever. And the goal would be to target people who could only donate small amounts. $5 would be the norm there, maybe even a large donation. There would be no time limit on the fundraising; it would go until we could raise the money.
Once the money was raised, (much like Charity: Water does) it would track the progress of the solution from purchasing whatever it is, to sending it, to the implementation. Pictures and stories and other pieces of a portfolio to show that, yes, this thing happened, and yes, you and your $1 were more than a part. You were integral.
The first idea I had for a goal was to get schoolbooks to a particular Muslim school in Fiji that I knew of through my host mom. She'd told me about how the building had a lot of issues and not all kids even had desks, and they didn't have many supplies, but the biggest concern at that time was that almost no one had textbooks. At the time, since she lived there I thought it would be easier for me to get her the supplies and ensure it would make its way to the correct school, and ensure we could get photographic proof we could bring back to the donors.
I thought that after that first project, I could figure out a way to ask around. It was important to me that we ASK what the problem was and (if possible) what the solution was thought to be by the people experiencing the problem, not just having this organization show up with something that wasn't that helpful for the people actually in need. No one on the outside will ever know as well the trials and necessities of someone on the inside.
When I was around 22, I started creating the website for the charity. But the problem was, although I had the idea I had none of the knowledge to back it up. And I definitely had none of the money. So I kept trying to work on it here and there until it went into the background and eventually faded away.
I forgot about it for years because I saw all sorts of other charities out there that were wonderful.
But I started thinking of it again with the current water.org fundraiser John Green is doing. I donated (of course) and noticed the typical variation in amount of donations-- and I was very moved by how this was a fundraiser meant to raise $100,000 over the course of 10 days, and in only a day and a half they had met the goal. Most people didn't go above $30, although of course some did. It was the power of a movement of many smaller pieces making a greater whole, which feels so special to me.
But in scrolling through the donation list, reading comments, I saw a number of $5 donations. My thought was how awesome those people were to donate when they probably didn't have a lot of money-- but when those people did leave comments, their view on it was how mine used to be. They said things like, "I wish I could give more" and one kid even said something like, "I'm a broke college student but I'm doing what I can."
It reminded me of when I'd been in that position, and what I thought people might think of me, and how that made me hesitate to get involved sometimes.
So, that was a long way of getting to my main question:
Does this sort of charity exist now?
It's been 10 years since I first got the idea, so surely someone else has done this by now. I would love to get a link to such a charity so I could make sure I get it on my list of charities to donate to whenever possible.
If it doesn't exist, that's a problem because I think it could be useful to have as an option for students and others with very limited incomes but who still want to help. And if it doesn't exist, I'll have to keep this idea with a hope of still managing a real world implementation sometime in the future.
I don't know how exactly I'd go about it, but at least one thing has changed since college: now I know people who are much more versed on non-profits than I am, so at least I would have some experts to consult.
The best thing would be if a charity like this is already around, though, because surely whoever is in charge of it would do a much better job than I ever would.
**************************
Incidentally, since I'm talking about charities anyway, I never pass up a chance to spread the word about my favorite charities I donate to whenever I can. (And of course I also donate to my alma mater when I can, because grants paid for the other 1/3 of my tuition so I want to help some other student like unknown alumni helped me.)
Best Friends Animal Society: http://bestfriends.org/
This place is incredible-- a 20,000 acre no-kill animal shelter (the largest of its kind which is also the largest shelter for homeless pets in the US). They rehabilitate animals, save animals from death in other shelters, adopt out pets as much as possible but let them live their lives in dignity if they can't be adopted, had a show called Dogtown on the National Geographic channel for a while, saved the Michael Vick dogs, and... well. I can't explain how much I love them.
More information at their FAQ: http://bestfriends.org/Who-We-Are/Fre...
More information on their work: http://bestfriends.org/What-We-Do/Our...
Or if you want a video, this is an episode of Dogtown as an example: http://youtu.be/yp8akb974_Q
Partners In Health: http://www.pih.org/
If you have not yet read Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, you must read it. I love that book. It's what introduced me to Paul Farmer, a man who since then I have found to be a huge inspiration. Any time I try to explain their work, I do a terrible job. In short, they go to poverty-stricken areas with very poor access to clean, consistent, and safe health facilities, and they build free hospitals with quality medical care, as well as teach the local population (which is often highly rural) how to expand these efforts of safe health beyond the hospital grounds. They started in Haiti in the 1980's and have since started projects in countries around the world.
Again, awful job explaining how incredible they are, so go here to see their work yourself: http://www.pih.org/our-work
Or consider a quote from one of the co-founders:
“The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that's wrong with the world.”
—DR. PAUL FARMER
Charity: Water - http://www.charitywater.org/
If you were around for my 30th birthday, you know I donated that birthday to charity: water. One of the reasons I love this charity in particular is that 100% of donations goes straight to the goal and they follow up with you on where exactly your money is going, as well as give you pictures when it's done.
Wondering, why water? Go here and probably cry--but I hope, after that, you'll donate money or your birthday to help this cause: http://www.charitywater.org/whywater/
Find more about donating your birthday here: https://www.charitywater.org/birthdays/
By the way, for once I'm not even going to apologize for a long entry because, if anything deserves a lot of attention being paid to it, charity would be it.
September 14, 2014
Vote now in the ICoS fanart contest from Love Bytes!
You can now see the entries for the ICoS fanart contest-- and vote!
It's easy to vote; just go there, choose your favorite piece (believe me, that will by far be the most difficult decision), then in the poll leave your email in the comment field and a favorite quote from the series. Boom. You're in for the drawing for ICoS swag AND you helped decide who will win the contest (the winner gets other swag!)
The entries are all SO beautiful! Every single one of them shows all the hard work and love the artist put into it. I really hope you go and look at them, at the very least, because it takes a lot of courage for people to put themselves out there for a contest, and every one of the people who entered is incredible to me :)
It's easy to vote; just go there, choose your favorite piece (believe me, that will by far be the most difficult decision), then in the poll leave your email in the comment field and a favorite quote from the series. Boom. You're in for the drawing for ICoS swag AND you helped decide who will win the contest (the winner gets other swag!)
The entries are all SO beautiful! Every single one of them shows all the hard work and love the artist put into it. I really hope you go and look at them, at the very least, because it takes a lot of courage for people to put themselves out there for a contest, and every one of the people who entered is incredible to me :)
September 3, 2014
DC Evenfall II Excerpt
We got a bit behind on this week's excerpt; the holidays will do that, I suppose. Director's Cut Evenfall Vol II will be out end of this month, September 21. Don't forget to put in for the giveaways!
Ask a question at our S&A group for a chance to win ICoS swag! Entries still accepted through September 18!
Submit ANY KIND of ICoS-inspired visual art (graphic art, drawings, handmade visual art, and more) at the fanart contest, and/or vote in the contest, and be put in for another giveaway! You could win ICoS swag! Entries still accepted through September 13!
We'll be doing some blog tours coming up too so keep an eye out for that.
And now, without further ado, I bring you a little bit of Jorge for your day.
===
The boy stood behind Boyd. His arms were crossed as he peered down through black hair with just enough curl to fly everywhere. He was short and skinny with dirty, ragged clothing, and sandals that were falling apart at the sole. Boyd thought the kid was maybe nine years old, but the dark stare burning out of his face belonged to someone twice his age. Someone who had been through far too much for his lifespan.
"Perdón, pero no hablo español."
The kid's lip lifted on the edge. He gave Boyd a once-over. "American?"
"I can see that makes you real happy with me," Boyd said with a grin.
The kid scoffed and turned his attention to the street. His scrutiny didn't settle for long, but Boyd figured there was someone out there watching. Maybe another courier kid, maybe the person this kid was hired by, or maybe someone else.
"Why you watching me?"
"I didn't know I was. What's your name, kid?"
"Vete a la chingada."
"Your name is vete—"
"Whaddo you want?" The kid crouched in front of Boyd. "I don't like people watch me. You don't say me the truth, I cry and make you look bad. Say you grabbed me—" A sheen of tears swelled seemingly at will. "—down there."
"Oh, Jesus. Cut the waterworks, kid. What do you want?"
"I said. I want to know why watch me. Puta madre, escucha, pendejo."
"I was curious. Thought you might be in the market—"
The kid's glower turned cold in an instant. He shifted away, but Boyd grabbed him by the upper arm.
"Not for that. Jesus Christ, that's disgusting. I meant as an employee." Boyd threw his hands up when the kid's expression hardened further. "Nothing like that! Look, can we start over? My name's Reed. What's yours, for real?"
"What's to you?"
"I'd like to think of you by name instead of 'the kid' all over my head."
There was another long moment in which it seemed the kid might run off but then he straightened. "Not here. Give me pesos."
Boyd narrowed his eyes but pulled a bill from his pocket. Satisfied, the kid snatched it and turned away. Under his breath, he asked, "¿Sabes dónde queda Pío X?"
"Where it is? Yeah."
"El parque, no la calle."
The kid disappeared over a fence and around a building before Boyd could respond.
Ask a question at our S&A group for a chance to win ICoS swag! Entries still accepted through September 18!
Submit ANY KIND of ICoS-inspired visual art (graphic art, drawings, handmade visual art, and more) at the fanart contest, and/or vote in the contest, and be put in for another giveaway! You could win ICoS swag! Entries still accepted through September 13!
We'll be doing some blog tours coming up too so keep an eye out for that.
And now, without further ado, I bring you a little bit of Jorge for your day.
===
The boy stood behind Boyd. His arms were crossed as he peered down through black hair with just enough curl to fly everywhere. He was short and skinny with dirty, ragged clothing, and sandals that were falling apart at the sole. Boyd thought the kid was maybe nine years old, but the dark stare burning out of his face belonged to someone twice his age. Someone who had been through far too much for his lifespan.
"Perdón, pero no hablo español."
The kid's lip lifted on the edge. He gave Boyd a once-over. "American?"
"I can see that makes you real happy with me," Boyd said with a grin.
The kid scoffed and turned his attention to the street. His scrutiny didn't settle for long, but Boyd figured there was someone out there watching. Maybe another courier kid, maybe the person this kid was hired by, or maybe someone else.
"Why you watching me?"
"I didn't know I was. What's your name, kid?"
"Vete a la chingada."
"Your name is vete—"
"Whaddo you want?" The kid crouched in front of Boyd. "I don't like people watch me. You don't say me the truth, I cry and make you look bad. Say you grabbed me—" A sheen of tears swelled seemingly at will. "—down there."
"Oh, Jesus. Cut the waterworks, kid. What do you want?"
"I said. I want to know why watch me. Puta madre, escucha, pendejo."
"I was curious. Thought you might be in the market—"
The kid's glower turned cold in an instant. He shifted away, but Boyd grabbed him by the upper arm.
"Not for that. Jesus Christ, that's disgusting. I meant as an employee." Boyd threw his hands up when the kid's expression hardened further. "Nothing like that! Look, can we start over? My name's Reed. What's yours, for real?"
"What's to you?"
"I'd like to think of you by name instead of 'the kid' all over my head."
There was another long moment in which it seemed the kid might run off but then he straightened. "Not here. Give me pesos."
Boyd narrowed his eyes but pulled a bill from his pocket. Satisfied, the kid snatched it and turned away. Under his breath, he asked, "¿Sabes dónde queda Pío X?"
"Where it is? Yeah."
"El parque, no la calle."
The kid disappeared over a fence and around a building before Boyd could respond.
August 14, 2014
ICoS Fanart Contest + Giveaway hosted by Love Bytes Reviews
Can you make art in some fashion? Can you vote on a fanart contest? Both ways you have a chance to win ICoS swag!
Love Bytes is hosting an ICoS Fanart/graphic art Contest and Giveaway!
From now until September 13, you can submit up to 3 entries of original ICoS-themed art. Then, anyone can vote on their favorite art piece. The winning artist will get one-of-a-kind ICoS swag, and a randomly selected voter will win ICoS merch from our gift shop. It's that easy :)
We're talking
and
kind of stuff, my friend.
This contest is open to everyone 18 and older, WORLDWIDE.
Want more information? We have more information!
Here's the thread I just made on our S&A group, with an overview.
And here's the contest information, rules, regulations, and more at Love Bytes.
The Love Bytes link is also where you'll go starting September 14 to vote and get in the running to win some swag :) For questions, contact Love Bytes.
So come on out, all you latent artist friends and fiends! You never know if you'll win if you don't give it a try :) And for the rest of you, voting will be easy and will give you a chance for a reward :) Win-win FTW :)
Love Bytes is hosting an ICoS Fanart/graphic art Contest and Giveaway!
From now until September 13, you can submit up to 3 entries of original ICoS-themed art. Then, anyone can vote on their favorite art piece. The winning artist will get one-of-a-kind ICoS swag, and a randomly selected voter will win ICoS merch from our gift shop. It's that easy :)
We're talking
and
kind of stuff, my friend.
This contest is open to everyone 18 and older, WORLDWIDE.
Want more information? We have more information!
Here's the thread I just made on our S&A group, with an overview.
And here's the contest information, rules, regulations, and more at Love Bytes.
The Love Bytes link is also where you'll go starting September 14 to vote and get in the running to win some swag :) For questions, contact Love Bytes.
So come on out, all you latent artist friends and fiends! You never know if you'll win if you don't give it a try :) And for the rest of you, voting will be easy and will give you a chance for a reward :) Win-win FTW :)
August 10, 2014
Teaser, and Q&A/Giveaway
If you haven't yet heard, we'll be doing a Q&A on September 21 for our release date of Director's Cut Evenfall Vol II.
The questions will be provided by you-- and that's not all! Submit question(s) and automatically be entered into a drawing for a giveaway! You could win this:
Yep. All that. No matter where you live in the world.
Submit by September 18. You'll also have to join our group to be eligible.
Check out the Q&A/Giveaway post for more details!
And now, continuing with the Sunday teasers, have a blast from the past with this one:
----
"I got us something today."
"Yeah?" Sin yanked at the tie he was forced to wear during training. "What?"
"Well, first of all, this." Boyd pushed his hair back to display the small silver post in his upper ear.
"Congratulations. You’ve achieved looking-like-an-idiot status."
"Ha. Ha. You should be a little more enthusiastic." Boyd tossed a box to Sin. "You’re going to have to wear one too."
"What are we, going steady? I don’t think I’m ready for such a commitment."
"Are you ready for a GPS commitment instead?" Boyd teased.
Sin shrugged off his jacket and undid the pearly buttons of his shirt. It was damp with sweat and stretched taut across his shoulders. ”I guess I have to be. Where’d you find that?”
"I made a black market contact. I’ll give you detailed specs later, but with these we can track each other without detection."
"Will the average Janus flunky figure out how to access the GPS function or should we smash it if apprehended?"
"I’ve set passwords for us, but the battery on the GPS is limited. We need a plan with solid timing in case we’re separated."
"Who’s your contact?" Sin finished unbuttoning his shirt and let it hang open. "Your new drug-dealing boyfriend?"
"Hey now, be fair." Boyd smirked. "He doesn’t deal drugs."
At Sin’s scoff, Boyd chuckled and rose from the bed.
The questions will be provided by you-- and that's not all! Submit question(s) and automatically be entered into a drawing for a giveaway! You could win this:
Yep. All that. No matter where you live in the world.
Submit by September 18. You'll also have to join our group to be eligible.
Check out the Q&A/Giveaway post for more details!
And now, continuing with the Sunday teasers, have a blast from the past with this one:
----
"I got us something today."
"Yeah?" Sin yanked at the tie he was forced to wear during training. "What?"
"Well, first of all, this." Boyd pushed his hair back to display the small silver post in his upper ear.
"Congratulations. You’ve achieved looking-like-an-idiot status."
"Ha. Ha. You should be a little more enthusiastic." Boyd tossed a box to Sin. "You’re going to have to wear one too."
"What are we, going steady? I don’t think I’m ready for such a commitment."
"Are you ready for a GPS commitment instead?" Boyd teased.
Sin shrugged off his jacket and undid the pearly buttons of his shirt. It was damp with sweat and stretched taut across his shoulders. ”I guess I have to be. Where’d you find that?”
"I made a black market contact. I’ll give you detailed specs later, but with these we can track each other without detection."
"Will the average Janus flunky figure out how to access the GPS function or should we smash it if apprehended?"
"I’ve set passwords for us, but the battery on the GPS is limited. We need a plan with solid timing in case we’re separated."
"Who’s your contact?" Sin finished unbuttoning his shirt and let it hang open. "Your new drug-dealing boyfriend?"
"Hey now, be fair." Boyd smirked. "He doesn’t deal drugs."
At Sin’s scoff, Boyd chuckled and rose from the bed.
July 31, 2014
Fiji journal entry, aka Fun with languages
I was reminded of my time in Fiji so I decided to pull out one of the journals I wrote when I was there. Below is an entry I wrote. Yes, I wrote it like that including the emoticon lol I apparently write like I'm writing a story online even when writing in a journal.
=========
Thursday December 2, 2004; 8:54 pm
Natasha invited several people over for food. Sherin and her daughters Zarin and... someone ^^;... and Aziz's sis and kid, I think, and, hell, not sure who these people are. Anyway, Zarin, Natasha and I were in the kitchen. Before that, actually, everyone all night has been chattering rapidly mostly in Hindi. I find it makes a nice background noise and don't really pay attention a lot. I heard Tash say something to someone-- it had mangtaa in it (want) so I jokingly said:
"Ek million dollar mangtaa~?" (Do you want a million dollars?)
Sherin said my accent is just like theirs. I told her I thought I had a crappy one--then told Tash she'd been teasing me about it too much.
And she's like, "Of course. I take credit. I must be a really good teacher."
A while after that, Zarin, Tash and I were in the kitchen. I was putting away my water pump and Zarin was getting more rice pudding Tash had made for the occasion. She said something in Hindi that I didn't understand so I didn't pay attention. Tash paused, then turned to Zarin and repeated, but suddenly I understood it:
"Gee, I made something good?" Tash said, and before Zarin could answer I blinked and said, surprised:
"Oh! That was English!"
Zarin, in the middle of taking a bite of rice pudding, started laughing, crumpling in on herself in the classical I'm Too Amused To Stand Straight position.
"You said it with a Hindi accent... I just thought it was Hindi and was thinking how I didn't understand it and then I realized it was English..." I continued, bemused.
"Boy, these Americans," Tash commiserated to Zarin. "After 8 their mind just goes." She waved her fingers helpfully around her temples.
"Hey!" I said, laughing. "I'm the one speaking English with a Hindi accent."
Zarin started laughing more, pacing around the kitchen in amusement while I switched to mocking the Hindi accent.
"Whaaat language are you SPEAKINGG, hai?" I teased Natasha. We were all laughing by now and I started toward my room. "IIII like English hai!" And right before I opened my door I did our classic, "konchii bole?" line.
I heard Tash laughing harder, while the other visitors in the living room started saying to each other "konchii bole!" as if wondering if they'd heard me right. It was amusing.
Konchii bole = what are you saying? At least, I think it means that. lol.
---
[[The entry went into an update on the status of the paper I was writing and went into other topics but I saw this one part below and thought it was also kind of funny so I'm including it as well]]
---
PS: I killed my first cockroach today. He was under my eye care solution and I had my glasses and contacts off so I couldn't see him and it was freaky and then he ran for S's door so I had to stop him. I squished him so bad his insides oozed out but he still kept trying to run and twitching and I threw a shoe on him and waited for Natasha to end it.
She came over and went, "Wow!"
"What?" I asked, paranoid.
"There's almost nothing left of him. If this was CSI I'd walk in and say-- Impossible! Unsolvable! Not enough evidence! Half his body is gone!"
=========
Thursday December 2, 2004; 8:54 pm
Natasha invited several people over for food. Sherin and her daughters Zarin and... someone ^^;... and Aziz's sis and kid, I think, and, hell, not sure who these people are. Anyway, Zarin, Natasha and I were in the kitchen. Before that, actually, everyone all night has been chattering rapidly mostly in Hindi. I find it makes a nice background noise and don't really pay attention a lot. I heard Tash say something to someone-- it had mangtaa in it (want) so I jokingly said:
"Ek million dollar mangtaa~?" (Do you want a million dollars?)
Sherin said my accent is just like theirs. I told her I thought I had a crappy one--then told Tash she'd been teasing me about it too much.
And she's like, "Of course. I take credit. I must be a really good teacher."
A while after that, Zarin, Tash and I were in the kitchen. I was putting away my water pump and Zarin was getting more rice pudding Tash had made for the occasion. She said something in Hindi that I didn't understand so I didn't pay attention. Tash paused, then turned to Zarin and repeated, but suddenly I understood it:
"Gee, I made something good?" Tash said, and before Zarin could answer I blinked and said, surprised:
"Oh! That was English!"
Zarin, in the middle of taking a bite of rice pudding, started laughing, crumpling in on herself in the classical I'm Too Amused To Stand Straight position.
"You said it with a Hindi accent... I just thought it was Hindi and was thinking how I didn't understand it and then I realized it was English..." I continued, bemused.
"Boy, these Americans," Tash commiserated to Zarin. "After 8 their mind just goes." She waved her fingers helpfully around her temples.
"Hey!" I said, laughing. "I'm the one speaking English with a Hindi accent."
Zarin started laughing more, pacing around the kitchen in amusement while I switched to mocking the Hindi accent.
"Whaaat language are you SPEAKINGG, hai?" I teased Natasha. We were all laughing by now and I started toward my room. "IIII like English hai!" And right before I opened my door I did our classic, "konchii bole?" line.
I heard Tash laughing harder, while the other visitors in the living room started saying to each other "konchii bole!" as if wondering if they'd heard me right. It was amusing.
Konchii bole = what are you saying? At least, I think it means that. lol.
---
[[The entry went into an update on the status of the paper I was writing and went into other topics but I saw this one part below and thought it was also kind of funny so I'm including it as well]]
---
PS: I killed my first cockroach today. He was under my eye care solution and I had my glasses and contacts off so I couldn't see him and it was freaky and then he ran for S's door so I had to stop him. I squished him so bad his insides oozed out but he still kept trying to run and twitching and I threw a shoe on him and waited for Natasha to end it.
She came over and went, "Wow!"
"What?" I asked, paranoid.
"There's almost nothing left of him. If this was CSI I'd walk in and say-- Impossible! Unsolvable! Not enough evidence! Half his body is gone!"
