Emily Cook's Blog, page 59

Rushing to beat the before-school rush...

My head is spinning with the planning involved for the start of the school year.  I am making lists and organizing whatever I can, trying to get this family READY for the new routine.  I will miss the lazy mornings, and I will miss my big kids, but I admit I am looking forward to a change of pace as well.
I’m fluttering along with the flylady, and this year, it is my goal to establish daily routines not just for myself but for the children, to keep this house and this life running along (ideally, without me constantly nagging or barking at the children.)
The children who are old enough to read have been given daily checklists.  My four-year-old has a shorter one, with pictures by the words. I have printed out my weekly jobs and daily jobs, and we are practicing this week.  Today, I woke up late and the bigger kids had 50% of their jobs done before I had even turned on the coffee pot. They are putting me to shame!
Why routines?Less morning stress: lists will give them direction, so I (eventually) won’t need to prod them along with words.  Results indicate they will need my words along with their lists for the first few weeks, but they should need my direction less and less.
Responsibility: Big kids learning that they are part of a family and have daily responsibilities for keeping this house running smoothly.  We work together, and then we have more time to play together.
Focus:  We have scheduled a devotion and prayer time into our routines. This is hard to make room for in the before-school rush, but if it is on the list, they will make me do it!  (More on this tomorrow!)
Fun Saturdays: Though we will have a few extra chores to do on the weekend, I hope to use flylady’s strategies to keep this house running through babysteps, rather than dedicating an entire day to housework. Weekends are for play.
At least, I hope.

How do you handle the before-school rush?I'd love to hear your ideas!
For those of you who are curious about the daily jobs assigned to my children, I will post them in the comments.[image error]

What you Loved: Most popular posts July 2012

Free eBook: Weak and Loved A Mother-Daughter Love StoryI am stunned by the response to this book and the free promotion. Over 9,000 downloaded. Every few days I hear from someone who was touched by our story. It has been an amazing experience.  (If you don't have your copy yet, you can get the digital version here for just $4.99, or buy a paperback copy here.)
If you've read the book, please check out my How's Aggie page for updates and pictures.
Motherhood and letting goI will never forget letting Aggie go into that room where they would perform brain surgery. These letting-gos are practice. They force our eyes open, and we see our smallness, the world's dangers, and the gulf between here and eternity.  They move us to fear, and to prayer. My Weakness His Strength
read the series
hereMy Weakness/His Strength #1: Grace frees me Grace frees us to be honest.  I have found that I waste entirely too much energy trying to hide my weaknesses, trying to make myself seem better or holier or stronger than I actually am.
Hey good lookin’ -- Thoughts on spiritual playactingI like to be liked, and I am good at making people like me, especially if they give me clear rules I can follow. I like to know the right thing, to do the right thing, and (best of all) to be SEEN doing the right thing. And I bring my shiny little self proudly into church and I find myself wrecked. Exposed. Naked.
My Weakness His Strength #3: The Heaviness of MotherhoodBeing a mother is a heavy job.  We can’t just set it down and run away for a little while, until we feel healthy enough to pick it up again.  We have to do it sick, depressed, grieving, doubting. We have to do it with wounds and questions and unmet needs of our own. Children are just so NEEDY. What happens in your house when mom is needy, too?
Growing up Together: Parenting 'Tween girls
Growing up with my 'tween: Why I don't want to talk about it read the series hereMy babies have grown beautiful, and it's time for me to grow up with them! This post is the beginning of a weekly series on connecting with 'tween girls. A great 'tween ideaThis is an older post but it it is still quite popular. Though I can't take credit for the idea, I had to share it with you.  If you have young girls, please consider trying a mother-daughter journal!
For fun
July 4th with Kids: Check Your ExpectationsWhat it's like sitting with my monkeys for the firework show. Experience the magic with and without the audio track. 
Experimenting on Children: The HikeWhat happens when you take six children on a long, hot hike?  Mom learns quite a bit about their temperaments. 







Would you like to suggest a topic?Leave a comment below, or take my survey!I hope you have been blessed by your time here at Weak and Loved!If you have, please come back again, and bring a friend!
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Connecting doesn't have to be complicated. (Growing up with my 'tween)

I see these two little girls, my babies grown beautiful. They look at me with eyes full of questions and hope.I feel the temptation to pull away. I had thought that children would require less of me as they grew. I has assumed that once they could dress and feed themselves, they would need less me of me. I am tired, and I do wish I could rest now. I wish I could just sit back and enjoy the show, and watch my little darlings spread their little wings. Isn’t it enough to feed and schedule and carpool them? Besides, I don’t know all the answers, and even if I did, do they need my lectures? Would they even hear them?
I look at my little girls, and I see beauty in bloom, and I fear.I have seen how this world treats beauty. I remember.I remember how easy it is to make bad decisions that can completely change a life (or destroy it.) I remember boys and dating and giddy brain fog. I remember wanting to be loved, wanting to feel beautiful, and yet feeling so awkward and self-conscious.I remember how hard it was to be a teenager.
Staying connected: It doesn't have to be complicatedStudies show the importance of parents connecting with their children (like this one here.) The studies are good, and the stats are interesting, but those are not the things that really motivate me. It is love and fear for these two young women, my babies grown beautiful.
This week, we had a spontaneous tea party when the boys were napping. We grabbed what we had (Ritz crackers and Pez) and we tip-toed out the door.  We sat by the pond on an old sheet, and we spent twenty minutes, just being together.  We didn't have a "big talk" about anything, but what we did was important. We connected.
Our lives are so busy. Connecting with their hearts is not easy.  I don't have time for this. I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here, but I resolve to try.
Grow me up with them, Father.  Grow us up together.


Do you feel the temptation to pull away as the stakes get higher and life gets busier?Did you connect with your 'tween this week, even just for a few minutes? Tell us about it in the comments!


See also: Growing up with my 'tween: Why I don't want to talk about it.

My Weakness/His Strength: Praying about the Little Things

 I know He cares about the little stuff, but the bigger stuff seems more worth His time. He's got SO much to deal with, and I know He's more than capable of handling ALL of it perfectly... but why waste his time bothering Him with how much I hate my job when I should be so grateful to be healthy, safe, free, and able to work?
I feel guilty asking for things to improve when I know I have things SO much better/easier than the majority of people in the world.


---  from Katie Jo Otte
I feel so small down here!
What a good question: Why pray about the little things? I’ll give you three reasons:
Who we areWhat we are called to doWho He is
Who we are: BeggarsApart from the grace of God, our hearts are incapable of love. We come to Him as beggars, with unclean hearts and empty hands, requesting His forgiveness and mercy along with our daily bread.  We cannot change our hearts, and we (often) cannot change our difficult circumstances. We are, in all senses of the word, needy.

What we are called to do: Love“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.”  This is what we are called to do today. Love Him, and love those around us
Is it hard for you to love the people around you? It is hard for me.Please note: when I say “love,” I do not mean delight in, like, or enjoy.  To love means to desire the other person’s good (bodily and spiritual good), and to plunge your body and heart into sacrifice for their good (as He loves us.)
Let me ask you this: which of the following do you think is hardest?
Loving the child with seizures as she is being hooked up to an EEGLoving the child who just crawled into your bed and you realize his pants are wet.Loving the child hanging on my legs while I am trying to make dinner.
That was a trick question.  I think all these things are hard. Both require setting aside self and seeking the other’s good. That is hard in a hospital room, and it is hard in my kitchen.
Who He is: Our FatherBecause of Christ's sacrifice for our sins, we are children of God. We are carried by Jesus into the presence of God, where beggars are given all that they need and more.  We are clothed in His righteousness, and we are invited to share in His inheritance.  We receive the gift of faith, and this gift is mixed with love and spills over into love. 
We learn to pray in all things; we pray without ceasing: that He would deliver us from trial and evil; that we may be helped through this sin-filled life; and His life and love may constantly pour into us and flow through us to those around us.
 “Lord, help me be patient and loving with this child as he learns to use the toilet.” “Lord, deliver us from seizures and evil.”
“God help me not to cringe when the kids hug me today.”“Father, help me not be a grump while I take out the trash.”“God, help my job go smoothly today! I need a break!”“Father, let them nap a little longer so I can finish this blog post.”
See? He hears our prayers.
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What do you think?  Should we pray about the little things?
Do you ever feel like God might be to busy or be irritated with small requests?


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Click here for more My Weakness/His Strength
Grace frees me to be the child that I am!

Revamping systems: Grocery shopping and book giveaway

School's coming again, so I'm trying to get organized. One things leads to another and I find myself revamping everything.   I'm rearranging rooms, organizing the homework center, delegating more jobs to kids that are a year older, getting rid of stuff, and simplifying everything I can.

My philosophy:
Some things need to be done regularly, and there's no getting out of them.

I could put it off, and sigh, and whine, and feel overwhelmed, and then finally do it when it's too bad to ignore, and then do it quickly and half-heartedly, and sometimes for hours or days

OR I could come up with a system.

I've learned (after many years of trying option 1) that this works for me: if I don't enjoy doing it, I do it with a system.
This allows me to do the job well while thinking about it less.

(If you are revamping your chaos-management system, check out the flylady. She's been helping me maintain my sanity since 2006.)

I've done this with many things: laundry, bills, housework, blogging, meal planning

One of my weakest areas: grocery shopping.
I meal plan, but I do not cut coupons, and I do not generally stick to a budget. I know I can improve in this area, and let's face it, as the kids get bigger and eat more, and as the prices continue to rise, I am feeling the push to come up with a money-saving system.

My blogging friend Kate has just written a book on this topic, and I think it is a great place to start. "How I fed my family of 10 for 500 dollars a month." Now that is impressive. There is wisdom to be gained from this woman.

Check it out. won't you?

She's giving 5 copies of this book away- enter here to win!





Do you have systems for doing the chores you do not enjoy?
Are you revamping your systems this summer?
What area of home management is hardest for you to get under control?

Things I should not have to say by the water

Just know that I’m not coming in there after you.
They’re not lake boogers, and don’t throw them at your brother
If you are going to spank the water, don’t do it by the rest of us!
It's not "allergy," it's algae, and don't throw it at your brother!
Yes, your shoe floats, but I’d rather you use sticks and leaves!
Don’t put seaweed on your brother’s head!
Make sure you aim your stick/javelin at the middle of the pond.
You’re not going to be able to make an entire tree a javelin!
I’m disturbing the fish? REALLY?
Careful- you're gong to fall in the mud!
(Check out the mud boots!)
Wait, why do I care? Have fun.Let me know when you are ready for your baths!
--------Do you ever forbid things, and then just give up?-------
See also: Things I should not have to say #1Things I should not have to say in the van

anxiety in the car

When we drive, I sit at attention. I try not to worry but I do worry, especially when the road is narrow and the drop off is steep. I listen to music and look up at the trees passing by and I don’t actively think of tragedy, but sometimes it comes in flashes. It comes uninvited. The image of the far slipping off the road, rolling down the hill; broken glass and blood and could I even reach my cell phone? 
The images come and go, and there are so many of them, and they are full color like my television.I stand guard, and I bat away the images and replace them with what I actually see in front of me: sunshine and beautiful trees and a husband who is a capable driver. But danger is also real, and it harasses me with that fact when I try to deny it.
One day, I got tired of the fight.I reclined my seat, all the way back, I took out my pony tail, and I laid down. I laid myself down in the car as it barreled along on a narrow strip with a cliff to eternity on all sides. I closed my eyes. I felt sun on my face, a gentle breeze from the air conditioning. I could see nothing but color behind my eyelids, red, then black, then red, as we drove under the trees.
The miles whooshed by, and I laid there in the sun, not entirely safe, but not in danger, either.

I shall lie down and sleep in peace,  f or you alone,  O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Do you ever feel like you are standing on the edge of eternity?

Growing up with my 'tween: Why I don't want to talk

It wasn’t long ago that she slept on my chest, resting her ruffled bottom in the palm of my hand.  She was my first baby, and now I see her tan and tall, limbs stretching and curves beginning to show, and I see. Suddenly, she is a little woman.

I don’t really want to talk about this, not with her or with you.  I don’t want to talk about growing up and body changes and boys and dating and heartbreak and scary stuff.  I don’t wanna. 
Yet I am more and more convinced, mothers, that we must talk.
But first, let’s sort out some of the reasons why this is so hard.
Why we don’t talk about important things with our girls.
We are distracted by many things.There are so many things vying for our attention. Sitting down to connect with the heart of our daughter- does that even make it on the “if I have time” list? 
Our parent’s didn’t talk, much.  Let’s face it, the culture was different when we were kids, and when they were kids… of course, I wasn’t there, but I picture Mayberry. Our parent’s parents really didn’t talk.  I remember the old women in the nursing home being shocked about the young women “flaunting” their pregnant bellies. In their day, even married women hid pregnant bellies along with all evidence of sex.


We don’t know how.  If we did not speak openly in own homes when we were little, how can we begin to have these conversations with our own children? Yet, if we can’t speak openly, how can we teach, and how can we give them permission to question and seek answers?

We are in denial or terrified.We don’t believe they are growing up after all. If we pretend it is not happening, maybe it won’t.
We don’t have all the answers. We know times have changed, and that children are facing these issues at a much younger age. We are tempted to lock them in cages until they are adults so we can all skip this entire battle. If we choose to let them “out” in the world- how do we help them navigate it? 
We feel like hypocrites. Are we really going to tell our children they can’t do something we did? Will they see through our “double standard?” Should we tell them the Truth? Or should we bend His Truth a little bit so we don’t feel like such hypocrites?
We are waiting for that perfect moment. We think somehow we will know, in our gut, or when the stars align just right.  We will have A TALK, and it will go so well that that will be the end of it.  When that day comes, we will be ready for it. But we’re not ready today, so this must not be that day.
We don’t want to ruin their innocence.  We don’t want to end her childhood early. We don’t want to give them information they are not ready for.  We don’t want to be a part of that culture that would rob them of their remaining little-girl days.
And so, we wait.  We get distracted, or we are afraid, or we don’t know what to do, and so we wait. We wait until the big topics come up at school or with friend.  We wait until they ask, or until they stop asking and start getting their answers somewhere else.

Mothers, we dare not delegate this responsibility to the schools or their peers. We must talk. This is one thing I know for certain. 
Father, you have given us a little girl, and this girl grows quickly.  We are her gardeners, for this season, and we are not sure how exactly to care for her while she grows and blooms.   Keep her in Your grace, Father. Feed her body and soul, and keep Your hand on her heart. Use our hands to nurture and care for her in ways that are good for her. Grow her up in You, and grow us up right along with her. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

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Join me on Tuesdays for a weekly discussion on raising ‘tween girls.  I am not sure what I’m doing here, but I’ll do it in public. Flounder around with me, will ya?
------ Which of these issues do you relate to?Have you overcome these things in your family? I’d love to hear from you!
Next week: Why we must talk

Hey good lookin’ -- Thoughts on spiritual playacting

Grace frees me to be the child I am and to ask my Father for help. Grace changes things. As Kleinig explains,

“With that request for help comes an end to our playacting before the imagined audience of God and the people around us. (Grace Upon Grace, Kleinig, p. 39)
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When you put it that way, it sounds so silly:
“playacting before the imagined audience of God and the people around us.”


Playacting, like "the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others." (Matthew 6:5)


I picture the Pharisees belting out holy-sounding words in the streets. I picture the muscle man strutting his stuff at the beach. I picture overly-dramatic stage voices and lots of makeup.


I barely even wear makeup. 


And yet, I have had to ask myself, do I playact? Do I perform?  Do I make myself look as good as I can for people around me and for God?
Do I play the part so well that I actually believe it?

I never thought I did. 
(but God…)

I’m a good girl. As a kid, I got good grades and I generally did what adults asked me to. I was not a “partier” (haughty sniff) or a “slacker” (eye roll).
I was a people-pleaser. (Ok, I am. His work is in progress.)

I like to be liked, and I am good at making people like me, especially if they give me clear rules I can follow.
I like to know the right thing, to do the right thing, and (best of all) to be SEEN doing the right thing.

And I bring my shiny little self proudly into church and I find myself wrecked. Exposed. Naked.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37)

Wait, love?Love?
Not get good grades and gather people’s respect?
Not avoid guilt or criticism?
And the Law opens my eyes and I see, even this “good girl” sees: Even my best works are tainted with selfishness. My works are filthy rags.
The good that I have done I have done out of fear and approval addiction, and other selfish motives. And many times, I have neglected to do what I ought to do because I fear people more than I fear God.

I was HORRIFIED when I first realized this. I could hardly believe it. It called into question everything I knew about myself.
Most tellingly of all: it made me question my status with God.

I was exposed. Unworthy, and deceived. I had believed the part I was playing: the good girl, earning His love and worthy of it. I believed the lie I told.

What is left, without the lie, when our hearts are exposed and we are undone?

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:23The basic truth of the gospel, given to sinners like me (and you.) It is NOT of works. You must know this as you delve into God’s Word. God WILL expose the selfishness of your heart, even in the best things that you do. His Law is much higher than we realize, His love much deeper and stronger than our weak imitations.When you see this and feel it, when you are exposed and naked, do not run from him! Run to Him, the one who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for YOU.He sees through the playacting. He always has. And yet, He loves you.

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Do you play the part of the good person for the people around you and for God?
Has your act ever been exposed?  
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Like this topic? Read this book: Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life. In fact, I'll be blogging about this more in September. I'd love it if you would read along with me. (Local moms- this is our next book! I can't wait to read it with you!)


Read more: My Weakness/His Strength 

God is in control. Is that supposed to be comforting?

God is in control.
It is so easy to say. It is so easy to accept, cheerfully, when things are going well.

And then, suddenly, when the wind is knocked out of me by tragedy or grief, it’s hard.

“As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’(and I get this question. Is has to be somebody's fault, doesn't it?)Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” (John 9:1-3)
I read that verse when Aggie was sick, and it comforted me and terrified me. Wait, Jesus, this suffering isn’t anybody’s fault, but it might be part of God’s plan to display His glory? 

It’s not that I wanted the suffering to be my fault. I don’t like feeling guilty, and I don’t like taking the blame. But, if God was allowing something awful in my life to show me or teach me something, well, then there is still a sense that I can DO something about it. I will learn the lesson, I will repent or change or do whatever you ask of me, Lord! I will listen to you, and then, THEN you will take the suffering away, right?

If we had been doing something wrong, there might be hope that we could figure out what it was and fix it, and everything would be okay again. If the reason for this trial had nothing to do with us but rather with some unknown plan of God, well, that is pretty frightening. I actually was quite comfortable imagining that I had control over where our life was headed, over what kind of family we would be. It was hard to let go of that illusion, to realize that His ways are not my ways, and that He will have His way.


God is in control. God is creating something here, in me, and in this family. He knows when to protect us and when to allow suffering.  He has committed Himself to finishing what he has started.


If I did not know His love for me and mine, as I see in Jesus … I could not bear this truth.




Even now, I say it with trembling: He is in control.
His ways are not our ways.
Yet, He is love.
Jesus, hold me close.


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When you hear, “God is in control of your family,” are you comforted, scared, or something else?
In what areas is it hard for you to let go of control?

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