Emily Cook's Blog, page 56

A challenge: Be a charity case.

But I do not want to be a charity case.  I have my life under control, for the most part, really I do.  Yes, I need God, just like you do, but let’s not take it too far, now.  I’ll open my hands to receive the free gift of salvation, but a casserole?  That’s just too much!  Keep reading 'grace and chasseroles' here... 

---------I know it's uncomfortable and hard, this concept of accepting help from others.  We want God's help, and we prefer that He would send it through the air, and on the sly... or at least in a nondescript package delivered to our houses in the middle of the night.
But often, He insists on using people.
Did you relate to this, in yesterday's post?
When we are alone in the dark, we might whisper a prayer to God for help, but if He tries to provide help by sending us an actual person for us to lean on, forget it.Too uncomfortable.Too hard.We don’t want to be a burden.

This week, I have challenged those in the book club to become prayer partners.  
Because I know how important it is, what a blessing it is, to have someone I can reach out to when I need prayer, and know that they will pray.  
This is the body of Christ at work.  And I am blessed to have friends like this.
And here's the funny thing- they don't fix it for me. They don't necessarily even say anything profound to help me through the day. They just offer sympathy, prayer, and some of their heart back to me.
Even just this:
"It's hard, isn't it?  This life is hard. But God is good, and it will not always be this way."
Yes, friend. You are right and I needed to hear that, again.  I am upheld.
And together we approach the throne of grace for ourselves and for each other, and we are loved, and we are not alone.
Tell me, readers, do you have a friend like this?If not, I encourage you to find another Christian friend, and ASK. Ask them to pray for you, and offer to pray for them.  
This week, here is my challenge to you:Accept charity, even the kind that comes to you with skin on. It is simply more of His grace, and you need it.
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How have you been upheld by the body of Christ?--------This week we read Chapters 2 and 3 of Grace for the Good Girl. If you’d like to join us, it’s not too late! There are so many things that can be said about this book! If you are hungry for more discussion, please join our lively facebook group!

Behind the mask: an angry, needy girl who is NOT fine.

“I taught people around me that I had no needs 
and then I was secretly angry with them for believing me.”  Grace for the Good Girl, p. 13
This seems to be a problem for “good girls.”We work hard, we meet needs, we do the job in front of us, and we do it well.
We do it with eager hands and a smile, or we try to, and when we don’t feel like smiling we smile anyway. We get done whatever needs to be done. We are the responsible ones, the strong ones, the ones people come to with their problems. We like this reputation. We love living up to this expectation. We love encouraging, helping, and coming through in a pinch.
We love making peace, putting people at ease, and lifting burdens.
We hate the opposite.
We don’t want to be involved in conflict. We definitely don’t want to be the ones causing it. We don’t want people to be uncomfortable or angry or upset about anything. We make peace at all costs.We especially don’t want people to feel angry or upset at us, so we morph like amoebas to avoid others’ unhappiness.We don’t like seeing people with burdens that we can’t lift. We pile them on our shoulders. We don’t like to add to anyone’s burdens. We pretend we have none of our own.Ever.
We’re fine.
And we’d really like to be fine. We are trying very hard to be fine. We don’t mean to be dishonest… we just really, really don’t want to be anything other than fine. And we hope if we pretend to be fine for just a little longer, we really will be fine.
When we are alone in the dark, we might whisper a prayer to God for help, but if He tries to provide help by sending us an actual person for us to lean on, forget it.Too uncomfortable.Too hard.We don’t want to be a burden.
So we hide. We wear masks. We ache. We get angry when people don’t realize it, when they believe the masks we wear. But we don’t know how to take the masks off.
As the author describes,
“Our desire to be the good girl, the good Christian, the good wife, and the good mom becomes the number one priority, and Jesus isn’t even in the room.” P. 32
Jesus isn't even in the room. What does that even mean?
Photo by Shalinee Kohli Murishwar: Follow Shalinee on instagramIf He were “in the room,” wouldn’t He just be standing shoulder to shoulder with that “good girl” in my head, that perfect version of myself that I never am? Wouldn’t He be standing there with His arms crossed, glaring at me like she does, telling me to do better, to try harder?
Wouldn’t He take her side?
No, He wouldn't. And this makes all the difference.
Jesus has compassion on us.He opens his hands to tired, tangled “good” girls, and invites us to just come. Rest. Receive.He sees through our masks right into all the ugliness, and still He says, come.He takes our failures, our Fs, and our sins and buried them deep in His wounds.He gives us His own robe of righteousness to wear, and He gives us His A +.
Our stubborn insistence to do it all on our own, in our way, on our strength, begins to be washed away in the flood of His love.
We learn to receive love from Him and from others, and we receive so much more than we give.It comes down in a shower of grace, and we are refreshed.
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Jesus Christ came to save sinners, to pour out his mercy on all people.He came for you, and He continues to come for you, that you may have life and have it abundantly.
Father,Forgive us for chasing expectations and guarding our reputations, for people pleasing and making ourselves slaves to guilt, and for doing even "good" things out of fear, not love.Our works are filthy rags.Refresh us with your mercy, and teach us to rest in Your goodness.Help us to see the ways you care for us, in Your Word, and through the people you send into our lives.We dare pray these things because of Jesus alone.Amen. -----------------
This week we read Chapters 2 and 3 of Grace for the Good Girl. If you’d like to join us, it’s not too late! There are so many things that can be said about this book! If you are hungry for more discussion, please join our lively facebook group!

-----------Do you have trouble admitting when you're not "fine?"Share your thoughts in the comments!
Do you know a friend who is exhausted by being fine all the time? Send some encouragement today.

just come

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry,
For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.  And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day.  
For my Father’s will is that everyone  who looks to the Son and believes in him  shall have eternal life,  and I will raise them up at the last day.” John 6:35-40


What does God require of me?
COME.
Not behave, then come.
Not fix my heart, not sort it all out. Not buck up. Not be strong.

Just. Come.

And He says "whoever comes I will never drive away."

Think on this with me today. Read the verse again slowly.

Don't skim.

It is God's will that whoever comes to Him
(Me! You!)
shall NOT be lost,

It is God's will that we come,
and
It is God's will that we are cared-for,
kept safe in him,
redeemed and restored and healed and helped,
and finally, raised up on the last day.

We are in His hands. We only need "come" and He will do the rest.

Let's rest in that today.






Father,You invite me to come to You, through Your Son. Melt my stubborn heart, and teach me to come to you as your child. Grant me a heart that repents, trusts, and clings to You in all things.  Keep me safe in Your grace, that I may know Your peace. Amen.
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If you are curious, I did not pose the above picture! He likes to have a book so he can read himself to sleep. A hymnal was all he could find that day!
The hymn this young son of God is resting under is called "Thine the Amen, Thine the Praise."
It is a wonderful hymn to rest in. If you soul needs rest, get to know this hymn today.
(Click here for lyrics, tune, and explanation from Pr. Weedon.)

For more like this see My Weakness/ His Strength

Fall Sprawl

The stifling heat of summer broke suddenly this week.We breathe in cool air like fresh life. 

We spend an afternoon at the park, and I have energy for swing-pushing and chasing. I run until my legs shake, and they all keep running as I sit.  I am old enough to have to catch my breath, but at least I am young enough to run with them at all.
The breeze cools me quickly, and even after my exercise, I welcome the mild warmth of the sun. My seat on the sidewalk is warm and pleasant, and soon sitting turns to lying, and I sprawl my old/young body flat on the sidewalk.
The sun shines on all of me.
Soon I am spotted by little boys fighting, all of them right, all of them needing my defense.
In the middle of their grievances they stop, seeing me sprawled on the sidewalk.  
This is an odd place for a mother, I think they think. With smiles they sprawl beside me. The sun melts away their complaints for a moment.
Cement makes a lousy pillow, but boy heads find homes on my belly. 
Three heads on the soft belly stretched for them and by them.

The sun warms us all, and as we watch clouds, I feel the lovely weight of life pressing down on my body and heart.

Good girls and fear (Grace Book Club Chapter 1)

So, is this book for "good girls" who want to learn to be an even better good girl?

Not at all.
It's for women like these.
Women like me.

Do you identify with any of these feelings?



What I relate to most is the pressure.
That feeling of - if I stop, it will all fall apart. If I rest, if I relax, the whole thing will come crashing down.
Must... keep... going.

Where does this pressure come from? Is the author going to tell us to simply "lighten up?"
Do not fear, she will not patronize us with such advice.

But first, she will force us to ask why we behave this way. WHY do we have trouble saying no? Why do we hide our opinions? Why do we over-commit and burnout? Why do we "feel guilty about feeling guilty?"

Could it be that we are afraid?

Consider this question with me. Are you afraid? What are you afraid of?
disappointing othersguilty feelingscriticismletting go of "control"not being enoughlosing people's approvalwhat people will thinklosing God's approval something else?
My questions for you this week:
1. In what ways do you act like a "good girl?"  
2. Do you think fear sometimes drives this behavior, or it is something else?

I know, you are going to make me go first.
My short answer:  I am driven. I like to accomplish things. I want to be the awesome one. Super Mom, Super Everything. And I want to be applauded for it.

I say I am "fine" when I'm not fine because I really, really want to be "fine!"

And if I just try a little bit harder... I'll really be fine. Maybe.  Just, don't watch, ok? Pretend you buy my act and leave me alone while I sort the messy stuff out. Alone.

The author could have been writing about me when she said this:

“My idea of who I should be is at war with how I am. I want to be perfect in every situation. I just do. I want to know what to do. I want to know how to do it right. And I want to do it All. By. My. Big. Self. Not only do I want to do everything perfectly, I want to look perfect while I do it. I want to act perfect and sing perfect and have perfect teeth. I want to parent perfectly, to wife perfectly, and to have a clean house. All the time.
My solution to the disconnect between by perfect, imaginary self and my real-life self is to force life to look the way I want it. Somehow. Anyhow. And so I work and I labor and I do the right thing. I stay strong when I feel week and I fake happy when I want to cry because my ideal image has everything to do with put together and nothing do to do with falling apart.” (Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman p.17)

Do you relate? Or do you think the Emily P. Freeman and Emily Cook are crazy?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments or in the facebook group.
(It's not too late to join! But you may have to add me as a friend first. You can do that here.)

One final thought from Emily (the other one):

"Don’t try to strangle the good girl all at once.  That’s just another form of the try-hard life,  the very thing we want to release.  Simply, read.  Be open.  Listen.  Engage with others who are also reading, open, and listening.  Lean hard into Jesus."
Lean hard into Jesus. His grace frees us to ask these scary questions. His grace frees us to rest in Him.

Lean hard into Jesus.

--------------In what ways do you act like a "good girl?"  Do you think fear sometimes drives this behavior, or it is something else?

It's not to late! You can still join us! Start here.

Walking through the fire: Do not attempt alone.

My knees get queasy when I see this hallway.

This hallway leads to the epilepsy testing center at Cleveland Clinic. I walked down this hallway with baby Eldon on my hip, and aching worry for Aggie in my heart, not sure if my knees could stand through the days or weeks of trial ahead of us. Would we find answers? Would we have to let them drill into her skull? Would we hear the awful words, "We don't know what's wrong with her- there's nothing more we can do?"

Oh, those Aggie eyes. She was so tired after her battle over the EEG leads.

But she clung tight to her teddy bear blanket and forced a smile, and I forced one back.
Forced cheer, that was all I had to offer. Forced smiles, forced hope, forced walking down that hallway to meet the next thing. Forced faith.
I was weary, and there was little left in me that could be forced out.And yet, I was helped.God cared for me, His hands through others.
I knew I needed, but I didn't know what.
I didn't know how others could help me through, or even if they could.
I didn't ask.
I didn't know how to ask.

This is how I would have asked had I known how to do so.....

Read my guest post at NotConsumed: Walking a Friend Through A Child's Major Illness- and check out the whole Walking a Friend Through series while you are there!



How have you been helped through hard times as a mother?What ideas would you add to my list?

I worked harder, not smarter.

Tuesday morning.

After morning coffee-and-cartoon time, my two-year-old came up to me and started singing "It's time to party!" swinging his little arms in the air. (This is the Turbo Jam theme song.)  He was reminding me to exercise.  I respond well to gentle, cute reminders. Thanks, Peter.

Before I exercised, I made a circle of couches and pillows and chairs around the wrestling mat, hoping they would climb cheerfully while I jammed.

I was interrupted once or twice by injuries, complaints, and one bite, but I still had a good workout. (If I count those "mothering moments" as part of the workout rather than interruptions, things go more smoothly.   Putting kids in time-outs burns calories, too, I tell myself.)

After my workout, I had a crazy thought.
"Maybe," I said quietly to myself, "If I think of something really fun for them to do, they will play happily while I can tomatoes."

Inspired by this post, I constructed a balance beam for my kiddos.
(Grandmas, don't worry. Note the mats underneath the plank. Their falls were cushioned. I give this a mild-to-medium danger-rating. Please also note: more than one of these boys walking down the hall at the same time is ALSO an activity with a mild-to-medium danger rating.)


"Mom, you made me a PLANK? AWEsome!" He said in his man voice.Yes, I am a pretty cool mom, son.

OH the laughter, the fun that was had by all! They were pirates, they were plank-walkers, they were supermen!  The fighting ceased, and there was nothing but the sounds of joy and adventure in my basement.

I took pictures, then I did what moms often do when kids play happily: I snuck away to get stuff done.
I worked happily in the kitchen, thanking God for my cleverness the good ideas from pinterest and the Play at Home Moms.  They were happy, and I was happy. Even the tomatoes seemed happy.
Until..."Mom, you have to come see what Peter did."Nobody was screaming, and my hands were messy. How important could it be?"Marcus, it's going to have to wait until I get caught up in the kitchen."A few more quiet minutes, then, "MOM! You REALLY NEED to come see this!"
I rinsed my hands and grumped down the stairs."WHAT?"
Not much mom, just...

This.



They decorated the balance beam. They made it nice and slippery. Plus, they all smelled wonderful, and so did my basement.

First, "Are you KIDDING ME?  Noooo!!!"
and time out chairs.  And irritation beyond what the situation warranted.

Then, I saw the ridiculousness of the situation, and myself, and them. So, I sent the oldest one for the camera.


That's a combination of baby powder and boogers. Cute.
I know, I KNOW it sends mixed messages to say things like, "Never, never do that again!" while I am holding my camera and storing memories. But no fear. There were consequences.
They cleaned.(Even the cat learned a few things about cleaning.)
And when I realized wiping wet rags over piles of baby powder just leaves white crusty streaks everywhere, they REALLY cleaned. WE cleaned.


What was supposed to be a brief climbing activity for the boys turned into an all-morning project.But, the basement is clean.

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This is just a glimpse into my Tuesday that felt like a Monday.Later that day, I said, "If I hear the words 'Mommy...come see what Peter did!' ONE more time, I'm running off into the fields.

It looks so quiet out there....

Family-Focused Art: Birthday Letters

I love when I can be a writer and a mother at the very same time.  One of my favorite ways to do this:Birthday Letters.
I am a terrible scrap-booker, but I love to use my words. I think only the first TWO of my children actually have baby books! I know that's terrible, but I have all the pictures... it's just a matter of gathering them. And cutting them. And pasting them. (Ugh.) Not going to happen any time soon, sorry kiddos.
I keep snapshots of their childhood for them in my own way. Pictures, of course, but also birthday letters.  When I write I try to capture the unique things about each child on that very day.  I often add favorite memories of the previous year, prayers, or major milestones. But I have to keep it simple (or I won't do it.) So I mostly just try to capture who they are on this day.
Today is my youngest son's second birthday. He's the one who stretches my sanity, as many of you know.  But I love him, and today, I'm focusing my words and my thoughts on celebrating his sweet little 2yr old life.
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Dear Peter,
My baby is two today!
 I know, I know, I shouldn’t still be calling you a baby…but I sure do love your smallness! I know, you can choose for yourself, climb in it yourself, and do it yourself. You are growing strong legs and strong opinions, along with a strong will that clashes with mine.
But you are still my baby. You are busy and do not care to take time to snuggle me, with one exception: after naptime. You wake up in your big boy bed, almost always before the others, and I run to you so I can catch you in that half-awake state, when you want to lay on me and let me stroke your hair. You rest in my arms, then you lay on top of me, and you take a few calm breaths in my embrace. I remember how it was when you were tiny, and I rest with you. As my muscles relax, yours wake up, and you start to poke and giggle. When finally you remember your favorite trick (jump-on-mommy’s- gut), we roll out of bed together. You make sure I have your penguin blankie and your pillow pet, then you point at the fridge and holler “milk! Milk!” until you have your milk.
You are the youngest of six, and you know you have to fight for your place in this world. You are handsome, smiley, loud and determined, and you make your presence known wherever you go. You demand my attention even when you already have it.  As we read books together, you have much to say, but you will not speak until you know I am looking. “Mommy!” pat-pat-pat goes your hand on my arm. “Mommy, a tractor!”  “Yes, peter I see the tractor.”
“Mommy!” pat-pat-pat“Peter, I see! What!”“Mommy!” pat-pat-pat “A boat!”“Mommy look!” Pat-pat-pat-whack-whack “Peter I’m looking right at it! That’s a nice train isn’t it?”Pat-pat-pat “Mommy, train!” And so it goes.
Your favorites at age 2: Trains and tractors, the muppets (especially the singing chickens), little bear and blues clues, the “Be-Bo” book, your penguin blanket and your bear pillow pet, your tractor onesie, the book: Dinosaur vs. Bedtime, finding books, going to recess and getting snacks from big kids, throwing food at your brothers,  carrying a sword with us when we walk the big kids to school (in case we see coyotes), hunting for hidden Little People,
And most of all: Dumping stuff. (You were the inspiration for the Messy Mommy Jobs series!)


You are still my baby, sweetie Petie.
I pray that God grows me up as He grows you up, that my love for you may be the kind that blesses you, that celebrates your milestones, and that seeks your good even when that means big changes for me.
We thank God for two wonderful years with you!
Happy Birthday Peter!

Love, mom.


Peter Davidborn 9/3/10-
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-------------------How do you use your art to help celebrate your child's birthdays?
Read the seriesand share your ideas!

Grace on the normal days: Grace book club and facebook group

Have you started reading "Grace for the Good Girl?"
What do you think so far?

I loved this quote:

“I know it goes against all the words the world says are admirable:
self-reliant, capable, strong, and resilient.
 But I am in desperate need of a source outside of myself all the time. 
And so are you.”
Grace for the Good Girl, p 14 
I know this, but I need to hear it again, and again and again. I need God's help. I need his help not just to deal with the big things that flatten me, but the little things too. I need His help with my attitude, with my heart as it cleans this house and breaks up fights and tries not to eat yet another cookie. I need more than coffee to give me patience. I need God's grace, His forgiveness, and His help even on this normal day.

And He is here, right in the middle of the mess of things, to walk with me and love me through this normal day.  We do not serve a God who stands far off.

Are you planning to read this book with me?
For more information about the book club, please click here.
I will post my own thoughts on the assigned reading on Fridays.

I hope you will also join the discussion on our Facebook "Grace For the Good Girl" group (This is a "closed" group: Only members see your posts and comments. Simply request to join at the above address!  If for some reason you are not able to do that, you might need to "friend" me first here.  I'm still learning how this stuff works!)



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Pin it, share it, and invite your friends!

Secret Keeper Girl: A resource to help you connect with your 'tween

When God created this little girl, he bestowed upon me the sweet name of "mother," for the very first time.  I was the very center of her world, and she of mine.
Times have changed.She's playing volleyball this year. She knows how to play the piano, read a chapter book, and soothe a baby.
She was my little shadow; my laundry helper; my kitchen buddy. Now, she does her own laundry, and she knows her way around the kitchen.She doesn’t follow me around whining, holding my leg, begging for attention.But that doesn't mean she doesn't want it.
She has world of her own now, a world of friends and books and school, and it's an exciting world.  She's not likely to beg me to enter this world, but (for now,) I am most welcome when I come.
I want to come.I want to be part of this young lady's world.I want to stay connected to her. I want to earn her trust, her ear, her heart.
But,I need helpI know, connecting doesn't have to be complicated.But in my life, I need help. As fun as it is to sneak out of the house for a spontaneous tea party, I know this kind of thing won'g happen as often as it should. I'm busy, and I'm tired, and there are so many needy people in this house.
So, we're trying this:Secret Keeper Girl(click the above link to read more about this resource, or go to the website here.)
We are going to make time for eight dates this fall.  My theory: If I have a book and she has a book and we have committed to doing this, maybe we actually will. She might not hang on my leg and scream to remind me, but she will remind me that I owe her one-on-one time, and I need reminding.
(Please note: I recommend this resource mostly as an fun excuse to spend time with your daughter. I found the underlying theological ideas needed some tweaking, so please read with discretion.)

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for my 'tween daughter, for the way she is learning and blooming and growing. Continue to provide for her, too, giving her all that she needs to grow up in Your love. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of Your care for her. 

Grow us up in You, together.
In Jesus' name, and by His grace,
Amen
Read the series here
-----------------Do you think it is important to spend one-on-one time with your tween?Have you found a way to make this work in your family?----------------