Emily Cook's Blog, page 35
June 13, 2013
Rhino Report: Kindness
Just because they're my children does that mean I shouldn't say "Please" or "Thank you" to them?Just because I'm their mother, does that mean I have the right to be short-tempered and rude to them?
Do I speak more kindly and patiently to a visiting niece, nephew, or neighbor child than to my own?
(Read the rest of this post: Homemade Kindness)
Do you have more patience in public? Or with other children?
Why is this? Could it be that we care more about what people outside our home think of us? Do we care about our reputation more than we care about our babies? Do we use their unconditional love of us as an excuse to be unkind?
As we play the "Orange Rhino Game" here in the Cook house, we are emphasizing kindness. Kindness, and love- these are the things we are asking God to grow in our hearts.
I could easily go a day without yelling at my children, or losing my patience. All I would have to do is hide from them.
But that's not really the point, is it? It's not about the stats.
It's about love.
Love is patient and kind, even when it interacts with other, imperfect, loved-ones.
And when that standard seems too high (every day?) we mothers and children get to take refuge in the hands of our God, under His robe of righteousness. He is patient, compassionate, and long-suffering. His love for us is great, and it does not crumble into selfishness under trial like mine does.
Surely this God whose love for us is solid will finish in us the work he has begun.
May He continue to uphold us through His Word and by His Spirit.
Therefore, preparing your minds for action,and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.
Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for“All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower falls,
but the word of the Lord remains forever.”And this word is the good news that was preached to you. I Peter 1:13-25
See also:
Yelling- on my mind
The Orange Rhino
Do I speak more kindly and patiently to a visiting niece, nephew, or neighbor child than to my own?
(Read the rest of this post: Homemade Kindness)
Do you have more patience in public? Or with other children?
Why is this? Could it be that we care more about what people outside our home think of us? Do we care about our reputation more than we care about our babies? Do we use their unconditional love of us as an excuse to be unkind?
As we play the "Orange Rhino Game" here in the Cook house, we are emphasizing kindness. Kindness, and love- these are the things we are asking God to grow in our hearts.
I could easily go a day without yelling at my children, or losing my patience. All I would have to do is hide from them.
But that's not really the point, is it? It's not about the stats.
It's about love.
Love is patient and kind, even when it interacts with other, imperfect, loved-ones.
And when that standard seems too high (every day?) we mothers and children get to take refuge in the hands of our God, under His robe of righteousness. He is patient, compassionate, and long-suffering. His love for us is great, and it does not crumble into selfishness under trial like mine does.
Surely this God whose love for us is solid will finish in us the work he has begun.
May He continue to uphold us through His Word and by His Spirit.
Therefore, preparing your minds for action,and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.
Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for“All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower falls,
but the word of the Lord remains forever.”And this word is the good news that was preached to you. I Peter 1:13-25
See also:
Yelling- on my mind
The Orange Rhino
June 12, 2013
Sober Mercies
Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up with a Christian Drunk by Heather Harpham KoppMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
We all have little temptations.
We have certain pet temptations: tiny ones, ones we don't really hate.
They won't land us in jail, and they're normal, if not almost cute. They are temptations we can handle, mostly, and if we give in to them, it's just to a point, just a little.
Imagine your pet temptation, the one you have mostly tamed.
Then, imagine if it got exponentially stronger. Imagine if it collaborated with your biology, your circumstances, and what's left of your sinful nature.
Imagine if that sweet little pet waged all-out war on your soul.
Would you be able to stand?
I don't often imagine these things, to be honest. I know I am a sinner, and I know I am saved by God's grace in Jesus, so why worry about the rest?
And then I read this story of a Christian woman and her struggle with alcoholism. And to be honest, it scared me.
I think I underestimate our enemy. I underestimate the devil and my sinful flesh, and I forget how desperately I need God's grace and help at every moment.
But (praise be to God!) he does give that help, and nothing, not even addiction or any of our little pets-gone-wild, can separate us from his love.
I will refrain from sharing my favorite quotes from the book, because I hope that you will read the entire thing. Please, read it. Whether you have been touched by addiction personally or not, you will find something for you in this book.
This book took my heart and broke it, filled it with compassion and love, and made me rejoice again at the love of God for sinners.
Add this one to your summer reading list.
View all my reviews
June 11, 2013
It is warm here.
6/7/13You all got up before me today, as you have done all week. It’s the first week of summer, and I am tired. I sat on the couch with my coffee, and this morning, it was Seth who got to me first. Seth, of all the children the most independent, the least likely to need his mom. Seth, snuggling in to me, resting on me in a way that will disappear when he is grown. Lately I have caught glimpses of that day, that grown-up day, in his eyes, in our mature conversations. But on this morning, he relaxed in to me, and I put my arm on his pajama’d leg.
It is not so often that we snuggle like this, you and me. Today, I can see the young man you are becoming, and I know this moment is fleeting. Is this an exception, this moment of need, this moment where you welcome my embrace? Or have you simply played the role of the big brother, and played it well? Have you moved aside, and allowed my lap to be taken by the younger ones?
But it is not taken now, and I do not dare move, even though my coffee is gone. “Mama, put your arm back on my leg. It’s warm when you do that,” you say, and I do. It is warm here.
I consider your hair, and the size of your feet. I consider the God who made you, wanting warmth on this unusual day, and the God who made me, wanting to give it.
(An excerpt from My Gilead)
It is not so often that we snuggle like this, you and me. Today, I can see the young man you are becoming, and I know this moment is fleeting. Is this an exception, this moment of need, this moment where you welcome my embrace? Or have you simply played the role of the big brother, and played it well? Have you moved aside, and allowed my lap to be taken by the younger ones?
But it is not taken now, and I do not dare move, even though my coffee is gone. “Mama, put your arm back on my leg. It’s warm when you do that,” you say, and I do. It is warm here.
I consider your hair, and the size of your feet. I consider the God who made you, wanting warmth on this unusual day, and the God who made me, wanting to give it.
(An excerpt from My Gilead)
June 10, 2013
Messy Mommy Jobs #12
Do the messes ever drive you to the edge?(Yes, yes they do. Read this post)
But now and then, I capture a few, and later (sometimes much later) the messes become cute and funny.Here are our recent messes.
My honeyMama, I want some dis.(And now he's all sticky)
New friendsboys and bugs!
Gotcha!Footprint on my knee!
SplashWhat boy could resist?
My helper.Such a big, big, big help.
Believe it or not, the plants in the big containers survived the flood.The seeds did not.
-----
Which picture is your favorite?Any crazy messes in your house lately?
But now and then, I capture a few, and later (sometimes much later) the messes become cute and funny.Here are our recent messes.
My honeyMama, I want some dis.(And now he's all sticky)
New friendsboys and bugs!
Gotcha!Footprint on my knee!
SplashWhat boy could resist?
My helper.Such a big, big, big help.
Believe it or not, the plants in the big containers survived the flood.The seeds did not.
-----
Which picture is your favorite?Any crazy messes in your house lately?
June 8, 2013
Dizzy and Inspired: Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl
Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl: Wide-Eyed Wonder in God's Spoken World by N.D. WilsonMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
I was bored, so I picked up this book.
Now, I am dizzy and inspired. Though I do not normally enjoy stream-of-consciousness writing styles, I loved it in this book. I experienced this book in the fullest sense of the word. I can still feel the spray of the ocean. I can still smell the autumn leaves, and I cannot wait until the final day of raking, when my blisters will start to heal.
This book opened my eyes again to wonder and joy and questions, to worship and awe.
Some of my favorite quotes:
“Imagine a poem written with such enormous three-dimensional words that we had to invent a smaller word to reference each of the big ones; that we had to rewrite the whole thing in shorthand, smashing it into two dimensions, just to talk about it. Or don’t imagine it. Look outside. Human language is our attempt at navigating God’s language; it is us running between the lines of His epic, climbing on the vowels and building houses out of the consonants.”
― N.D. Wilson,
“Do not resent your place in the story. Do not imagine yourself elsewhere. Do not close your eyes and picture a world without thorns, without shadows, without hawks. Change this world. Use your body like a tool meant to be used up, discarded, and replaced. Better every life you touch. We will reach the final chapter. When we have eyes that can stare into the sun, eyes that only squint for the Shenikah, then we will see laughing children pulling cobras by their tails, and hawks and rabbits playing tag.”
― N.D. Wilson
“The world is rated R, and no one is checking IDs. Do not try to make it G by imagining the shadows away. Do not try to hide your children from the world forever, but do not try to pretend there is no danger. Train them. Give them sharp eyes and bellies full of laughter. Make them dangerous. Make them yeast, and when they've grown, they will pollute the shadows.”
― N.D. Wilson
View all my reviews
June 7, 2013
Rhino Report: Whining is like Yelling
I’ve tied whining to this orange rhino idea.
My first reason is a self-centered one: Whining drives me crazy. It is one of my triggers, in fact. And if I’m going to work on my temper-losing, and controlling the volume of my voice, then surely the children can work on controlling the pitch of theirs.
The more I think about this, the more it makes sense.
Why do I yell? (Obviously there are good reasons to yell. When the kids are in danger or they just cannot hear you because they are all taking at once. This is practical yelling, and I will do this to my dying day without apology.)
I yell (the bad kind of yelling) because my patience is gone, because whatever I am doing is just not working. I yell to MAKE STUFF HAPPEN. I yell to control or to punish.
And why do they whine?They whine for the very same reasons.Whining makes stuff happen. Whining controls people. Whining is an effective punishment.
Yelling and whining are often just different expressions of the same desire to have it my way.
So, the orange rhinos that decorate our house carry both yelling and whining on their strong backs. I figure they can handle both of these things if they can handle all those birds.
This is really nothing new.Love God, and love your neighbor- this is what we are “working on” in a sense. But, hanging this idea to the “orange rhino” helps us keep it in the front of our minds all day long.
We remember our goals, we remember the silly alternatives, and we remember to pray for help.
When we are beginning to slip, we say “orange rhino” and we remember.
God help us love more, and yell less. (and whine less, too.)
My first reason is a self-centered one: Whining drives me crazy. It is one of my triggers, in fact. And if I’m going to work on my temper-losing, and controlling the volume of my voice, then surely the children can work on controlling the pitch of theirs.
The more I think about this, the more it makes sense.
Why do I yell? (Obviously there are good reasons to yell. When the kids are in danger or they just cannot hear you because they are all taking at once. This is practical yelling, and I will do this to my dying day without apology.)
I yell (the bad kind of yelling) because my patience is gone, because whatever I am doing is just not working. I yell to MAKE STUFF HAPPEN. I yell to control or to punish.
And why do they whine?They whine for the very same reasons.Whining makes stuff happen. Whining controls people. Whining is an effective punishment.
Yelling and whining are often just different expressions of the same desire to have it my way.
So, the orange rhinos that decorate our house carry both yelling and whining on their strong backs. I figure they can handle both of these things if they can handle all those birds.
This is really nothing new.Love God, and love your neighbor- this is what we are “working on” in a sense. But, hanging this idea to the “orange rhino” helps us keep it in the front of our minds all day long.
We remember our goals, we remember the silly alternatives, and we remember to pray for help.
When we are beginning to slip, we say “orange rhino” and we remember.
God help us love more, and yell less. (and whine less, too.)
June 6, 2013
Rhino Report #1: Orange!
The color orange is taking over our home, and we are loving it.
Why the orange rhino?
Read how the idea started here.
This is how I explain it to my children.
Rhinos are gentle, kind animals. See how they even let the birds ride on their backs? But if they are provoked, they throw big, ridiculous fits. Kind of like I do when I yell, or like you do when you yell or whine.
(I’ve tied whining to this idea as well- more on this tomorrow.)
Why orange?
Orange is a color that reminds us of perseverance, determination, and strength.We need these things too, don’t we? We might start off the day ready to love each other and be kind, but then we are provoked, and we want to whine or yell… that’s when we need to stay determined, to practice self-control and to pray for help, so that we are not unkind to each other.
Orange is also a color of fun and silliness.Sometimes the best way to break up a bad mood or to deal with anger is to just do something silly. Sometimes we quack, or yell into a closet, or stand on your head, or start singing a nonsense song. (Click here for more great ideas!)
The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to deal with it in constructive ways.Righteous anger is a real thing. Often, even in this house, we are angry about something that is actually wrong. (“He hit me!”) It is ok to feel angry about this! The problem comes not with the anger, but with our reaction to the problem. We try to punish the other person, or to use our words to force them to do what we want them to do. Whining and yelling are both ways that we try to control others or punish others, and this is not ok.
To this end, we have started a list of healthier alternatives.
Instead of yelling or whining, I can…
Finally, over and over I remind the children and myself:Righteousness does not come from us.
Every day we start with prayer- “God help us to be kind to each other, to be gentle and loving with our hands and our words.” We cannot give what we do not first receive! And when we fail, we extend the forgiveness that we have received in Christ.
Grace begins, and grace ends our days.
Grace, and orange silliness.
She looks so happy with those six birds on her back!
Why the orange rhino?
Read how the idea started here.
This is how I explain it to my children.
Rhinos are gentle, kind animals. See how they even let the birds ride on their backs? But if they are provoked, they throw big, ridiculous fits. Kind of like I do when I yell, or like you do when you yell or whine.
(I’ve tied whining to this idea as well- more on this tomorrow.)
Why orange?
Orange is a color that reminds us of perseverance, determination, and strength.We need these things too, don’t we? We might start off the day ready to love each other and be kind, but then we are provoked, and we want to whine or yell… that’s when we need to stay determined, to practice self-control and to pray for help, so that we are not unkind to each other.
Orange is also a color of fun and silliness.Sometimes the best way to break up a bad mood or to deal with anger is to just do something silly. Sometimes we quack, or yell into a closet, or stand on your head, or start singing a nonsense song. (Click here for more great ideas!)
The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to deal with it in constructive ways.Righteous anger is a real thing. Often, even in this house, we are angry about something that is actually wrong. (“He hit me!”) It is ok to feel angry about this! The problem comes not with the anger, but with our reaction to the problem. We try to punish the other person, or to use our words to force them to do what we want them to do. Whining and yelling are both ways that we try to control others or punish others, and this is not ok.
To this end, we have started a list of healthier alternatives.
Instead of yelling or whining, I can…
Finally, over and over I remind the children and myself:Righteousness does not come from us.
Every day we start with prayer- “God help us to be kind to each other, to be gentle and loving with our hands and our words.” We cannot give what we do not first receive! And when we fail, we extend the forgiveness that we have received in Christ.
Grace begins, and grace ends our days.
Grace, and orange silliness.
She looks so happy with those six birds on her back!
June 5, 2013
Sleeps
Two images overlap in my mind. In both, Aggie sleeps in the van.
To Aggie,(an excerpt from My Gilead)
Recently, we were on our way home from Brown County State Park. It had been a heavenly spring evening, an outing with the whole family (even daddy.) You, Aggie, were worried about being gone from home for the evening. Your homework was done, but you had extra credit work that you so wanted to do. You so desire to win the reading competition that you will sacrifice fun for more “minutes-read.” We forced you to put down the book to play at the park. You complained, but then you forgot to complain, and you allowed yourself to be swept up in the evening.
On the way home, I saw your eyes drooping a bit. I smiled to your daddy, and we wondered aloud if you’d actually sleep instead of gathering more minutes. Driven child that you are, we both assumed you wouldn’t, but this time, your body’s needs won out over your hearts desires, and you slept.
And I was proud of you, for letting the tasks go.
The strength of mind and of body you have now is not unlimited, but it is great. It has not always been this way.I remembered another nap in the van.
I wish I didn’t have to know that a clamp held your head during the brain surgery, but those bruises on your head reminded me. You called them “polka-dots.” and you didn’t seem to mind them.
You slept deeply then, as we filled prescriptions and stole glances at you. Is she really ok? Is she still our little Aggie? Do we dare hope? Hope threatened me, scared me.
The shadows scare me still, yet how quickly you scatter them with your enormous Aggie-smile.
![[DSCF7913.JPG]](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1381572755i/5053581._SX540_.jpg)
I shall lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.Psalm 4:8
Have you read her story?The ebook is only $2.99!
“I wish I could leave you certain images in my mind, because they are so beautiful that I hate to think they will be extinguished when I am. …It is a strange thing, after all, to be able to return to a moment, when it can hardly be said to have any reality at all, even in its passing.
A moment is such a slight thing, I mean, that its abiding is a most gracious reprieve.”
Gilead, p.162
To Aggie,(an excerpt from My Gilead)
Recently, we were on our way home from Brown County State Park. It had been a heavenly spring evening, an outing with the whole family (even daddy.) You, Aggie, were worried about being gone from home for the evening. Your homework was done, but you had extra credit work that you so wanted to do. You so desire to win the reading competition that you will sacrifice fun for more “minutes-read.” We forced you to put down the book to play at the park. You complained, but then you forgot to complain, and you allowed yourself to be swept up in the evening.
On the way home, I saw your eyes drooping a bit. I smiled to your daddy, and we wondered aloud if you’d actually sleep instead of gathering more minutes. Driven child that you are, we both assumed you wouldn’t, but this time, your body’s needs won out over your hearts desires, and you slept.
And I was proud of you, for letting the tasks go.
The strength of mind and of body you have now is not unlimited, but it is great. It has not always been this way.I remembered another nap in the van.
I wish I didn’t have to know that a clamp held your head during the brain surgery, but those bruises on your head reminded me. You called them “polka-dots.” and you didn’t seem to mind them.
You slept deeply then, as we filled prescriptions and stole glances at you. Is she really ok? Is she still our little Aggie? Do we dare hope? Hope threatened me, scared me.
The shadows scare me still, yet how quickly you scatter them with your enormous Aggie-smile.
![[DSCF7913.JPG]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2O6P5RKeBms/SmJvZvVzrWI/AAAAAAAAAsQ/UPLs036ZKmA/s1600/DSCF7913.JPG)
I shall lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.Psalm 4:8
Have you read her story?The ebook is only $2.99!
“I wish I could leave you certain images in my mind, because they are so beautiful that I hate to think they will be extinguished when I am. …It is a strange thing, after all, to be able to return to a moment, when it can hardly be said to have any reality at all, even in its passing.
A moment is such a slight thing, I mean, that its abiding is a most gracious reprieve.”
Gilead, p.162
June 4, 2013
today's peptalk
Rebloggged from 5/20/11
I still need this.
Today's Peptalk
Morning coffee and prayer time-- essential to my survival. It is worth the minutes the children waste in front of the television (and besides, it's educational TV!)
I used to try to do this before they all got out of bed, but I simply cannot function that way. My eyes are so bleary, and I so easily fall back into sleep if I do not have my coffee in front of me. And if I get the coffee, they will hear me, and I will be sabotaged. So I do the "get them fed, dressed, and ready for school" routine before I sit with my coffee. On the plus side, I have a longer time to sit when the girls are off and the boys are fed and in front of TV. On the negative side, there is always something I need to ask forgiveness for by this hour of the day. My fresh starts do not stay fresh for long at all. (but really, HOW hard is it to get your shoes on in a timely manner! rgh!)
So that's where I am at this moment. And it's time for my morning peptalk. (Which, I always remind myself, is much better than my old peptalk.)
OK mama, drink your coffee deeply, breathe deeply, and brace yourself for this day.
Today I am a mother of six young children. Today will be noisy and disorganized. There will be arguments, clutter, spills, and interruptions. If I get to start anything on my list, it will likely be interrupted by something trivial. Today the little ones will require supervision to keep them safe and lots of cleaning up after. Today the older ones will require attention and emotional connection. They all will require many, many, many words. Today, everything will not get done.
Lord, please give me what I need to do this job today! I am constantly tempted to take my daily frustrations personally. Please guard me from anger and unkind words. Make me a wise and gentle mother, and give me the patience to help the children learn from their various conflicts today. You have given me these people to love, and my heart is entirely too small for this job. Enlarge my heart with Your own love, that they may grow up blessed by You. Help me to see the joy and wonder in each of the children, and to be grateful for these days with them that are passing by so quickly. May Your forgiveness and grace be the air that we breathe in our little home. Build our house, Lord, that our work may not be in vain.
I still need this.
Today's Peptalk
Morning coffee and prayer time-- essential to my survival. It is worth the minutes the children waste in front of the television (and besides, it's educational TV!)
I used to try to do this before they all got out of bed, but I simply cannot function that way. My eyes are so bleary, and I so easily fall back into sleep if I do not have my coffee in front of me. And if I get the coffee, they will hear me, and I will be sabotaged. So I do the "get them fed, dressed, and ready for school" routine before I sit with my coffee. On the plus side, I have a longer time to sit when the girls are off and the boys are fed and in front of TV. On the negative side, there is always something I need to ask forgiveness for by this hour of the day. My fresh starts do not stay fresh for long at all. (but really, HOW hard is it to get your shoes on in a timely manner! rgh!)
So that's where I am at this moment. And it's time for my morning peptalk. (Which, I always remind myself, is much better than my old peptalk.)
OK mama, drink your coffee deeply, breathe deeply, and brace yourself for this day.Today I am a mother of six young children. Today will be noisy and disorganized. There will be arguments, clutter, spills, and interruptions. If I get to start anything on my list, it will likely be interrupted by something trivial. Today the little ones will require supervision to keep them safe and lots of cleaning up after. Today the older ones will require attention and emotional connection. They all will require many, many, many words. Today, everything will not get done.
Lord, please give me what I need to do this job today! I am constantly tempted to take my daily frustrations personally. Please guard me from anger and unkind words. Make me a wise and gentle mother, and give me the patience to help the children learn from their various conflicts today. You have given me these people to love, and my heart is entirely too small for this job. Enlarge my heart with Your own love, that they may grow up blessed by You. Help me to see the joy and wonder in each of the children, and to be grateful for these days with them that are passing by so quickly. May Your forgiveness and grace be the air that we breathe in our little home. Build our house, Lord, that our work may not be in vain.
June 3, 2013
All for a few groceries
Thursday
We are low on coffee, so I am forced to shop.
Maybe we will go to Kohl's too so I can spend my gift card from Christmas.
We attempt an early start to town... but then the van won't start.
(Eldon thinks there's an acorn in it.)
So, I'll take my husband's car. But I can't find my keys.
We waddle up to his office to get his, where I leave my coffee behind. (Precious coffee!)
I load the boys in the car, and realize I cannot drive a stick with this stinkin' boot!
And no, Eldon, there's not an acorn in daddy's car, too.
Forget it, boys, just forget it.
And so they don't cry, I give them a hose, and I call it a morning.
Friday
Take 2
6:30am
I skip morning snuggles to make french toast, because we are out of everything else.
7:30 am
I tell the boys we're going to town for the morning. I plan a grand adventure for us. I put on my sense of humor, tell myself to embrace the chaos and to enjoy walking at toddler-pace, and off we go.
8:00am
The van starts, but it's raining.
I am determined. I grab umbrellas. (yes, Marcus, I got your Spiderman one for you.)
On my list: Kohl's, Walmart, and maybe the indoor playground if they are good. I imagine myself feeling accomplished, sipping coffee while they play. I imagine them eating chicken nuggets in the van on the way home, and then all boys taking a long, wonderful nap.
8:30am
I realize that I went to the wrong side of town first. I'm pretty sure Kohl's doesn't open until 9.
We get gas.
I look at my list and realize I could skip Wal-mart and go to Target and Aldi's instead.
I'd probably save us a few dollars that way, too.
9:00am
They won't stop touching each other.
Someone gives my standing-in-the-cart son a worried look. I tell him to sit and he ignores me.
I shorten my list, a little.
9:15am
I've given too many orders, too many unheeded. My blood is not boiling, but it is starting to simmer.
I mentally scratch Kohl's from my list, but try on a few dresses at Target.
They join me in the dressing room. They have a face-making competition in the mirrors, then they almost knock the flimsy walls over.
9:30am
I find nothing I like, though it might have something to do with the boot I'm wearing, and the frazzled look on my face. I give up on dresses.
I cut the rest of my list in half.
Someone runs through the clothes. Someone throws something out of the cart. Someone got hurt, again.
I'm trying to make them scared enough of me to obey without sounding mean enough to be reported.
It is not working.
9:40am
I decide I don't really care if we save a few dollars at Aldi's.
I would probably cut off my hair if it meant we could find everything we need at Target and just. be. done.
9:45
I can't find the caramels for Aggie, but I see that Target now sells wine.
Or did God just put this here for me, for this very moment?
9:55
Checkout lady offers pity. "In a boot AND three little boys? You poor dear."
Each boy is squirming on a separate square on the floor while I pay.
I am glad the cashier didn't offer stickers. They do not deserve stickers.
10:00
"NO, you are not getting treats, are you kidding me? Sit down and let me buckle you."
10:02
I think to myself, "How can they go from raising holy hell in Target to being passed out in the van in 2 minutes! This does NOT count for naptime, boys! No-siree!"
10:20
We are home, and it is raining, hard.
The two-year-old begs for an umbrella. I get him out of the van and give him the umbrella. He promptly decides he is incapable of holding an umbrella, asking for help, or even walking in the rain. He throws the umbrella and screams about getting wet. I direct him to the porch, and he falls to the ground, screaming.
Apparently, a little rain destroys this child's ability to function like a human being.
10:22
I turn on the TV while they grab random items from the grocery bags.
I let them eat said random items in front of the TV because I can count it as early lunch.
Forget adventure. I just wish my couches had seat belts.
(Oh yes, there was some yelling through all of this, especially once we were home.)
An hour later, because God is gracious and merciful and not even little boys can cause trouble forever, they sleep. I pout and complain and repent, a little.
1:20pm
"Mama I get up?"
Oh no you don't. It's still naptime, boy.
I snuggle him quickly, and he falls asleep again.
Commence hallway happy-dance.
1:21pm
"Mama I waaaaant you!"
His eyes are full of sadness because of my betrayal.
I crawl back into bed with him, ready to resign myself to a nap.
"I yub you," he says, with arms around my neck so I can't escape. He burrows his head into me, and his pillow smells sour. I roll on to my side and face him.
"I won't leave this time, honey. Let's snuggle."
A tiny sigh.
He removes his arms from my neck, but then he pus his hot little bare legs over me, on top of my hip.
My seatbelt.
As I lay in his loving warmth, the fist of my heart melts.
Slow breaths, prayer, blankets, and quiet surround us.
1:25
For no reason, his eyes open, wide this time.
He sees me relax and he giggles.
"Get up now, mama?"
Yes, little one, I am ready now.
I put him on my hip, that sweaty little boy.
He is sweet and sour, like motherhood.
A refreshing moment,
but not enough to sustain me for the rest of the day.
That afternoon surpassed the morning in frustration, and yes, yelling- theirs and mine.
They sap me of my ability to function like a human being, and I react like an angry two-year-old throwing a fit in a rain storm.
This vocation is ridiculous, impossible, wonderful, and terrible.
And I long to bring grace and gentleness into this whirlwind life, but so often I am simply tromp on everybody and make lots of noise.
But, they still love me. And I love them. And we'll wake up tomorrow for another day of this.
How terrifying. Wonderful.
I am exhausted and blessed.
Do you relate?
***
This day inspired my previous post: Yelling on my mind.
and my stomping and tromping inspired me to join The Orange Rino Challenge
God, help me love more and yell less.
Grant me a gentle heart.
We are low on coffee, so I am forced to shop.
Maybe we will go to Kohl's too so I can spend my gift card from Christmas.
We attempt an early start to town... but then the van won't start.
(Eldon thinks there's an acorn in it.)
So, I'll take my husband's car. But I can't find my keys.
We waddle up to his office to get his, where I leave my coffee behind. (Precious coffee!)
I load the boys in the car, and realize I cannot drive a stick with this stinkin' boot!
And no, Eldon, there's not an acorn in daddy's car, too.
Forget it, boys, just forget it.
And so they don't cry, I give them a hose, and I call it a morning.
Friday
Take 2
6:30am
I skip morning snuggles to make french toast, because we are out of everything else.
7:30 am
I tell the boys we're going to town for the morning. I plan a grand adventure for us. I put on my sense of humor, tell myself to embrace the chaos and to enjoy walking at toddler-pace, and off we go.8:00am
The van starts, but it's raining.
I am determined. I grab umbrellas. (yes, Marcus, I got your Spiderman one for you.)
On my list: Kohl's, Walmart, and maybe the indoor playground if they are good. I imagine myself feeling accomplished, sipping coffee while they play. I imagine them eating chicken nuggets in the van on the way home, and then all boys taking a long, wonderful nap.
8:30am
I realize that I went to the wrong side of town first. I'm pretty sure Kohl's doesn't open until 9.
We get gas.
I look at my list and realize I could skip Wal-mart and go to Target and Aldi's instead.
I'd probably save us a few dollars that way, too.
9:00am
They won't stop touching each other.
Someone gives my standing-in-the-cart son a worried look. I tell him to sit and he ignores me.
I shorten my list, a little.
9:15am
I've given too many orders, too many unheeded. My blood is not boiling, but it is starting to simmer.
I mentally scratch Kohl's from my list, but try on a few dresses at Target.
They join me in the dressing room. They have a face-making competition in the mirrors, then they almost knock the flimsy walls over.
9:30am
I find nothing I like, though it might have something to do with the boot I'm wearing, and the frazzled look on my face. I give up on dresses.
I cut the rest of my list in half.
Someone runs through the clothes. Someone throws something out of the cart. Someone got hurt, again.
I'm trying to make them scared enough of me to obey without sounding mean enough to be reported.
It is not working.
9:40am
I decide I don't really care if we save a few dollars at Aldi's.
I would probably cut off my hair if it meant we could find everything we need at Target and just. be. done.
9:45
I can't find the caramels for Aggie, but I see that Target now sells wine.
Or did God just put this here for me, for this very moment?
9:55
Checkout lady offers pity. "In a boot AND three little boys? You poor dear."
Each boy is squirming on a separate square on the floor while I pay.
I am glad the cashier didn't offer stickers. They do not deserve stickers.
10:00
"NO, you are not getting treats, are you kidding me? Sit down and let me buckle you."
10:02
I think to myself, "How can they go from raising holy hell in Target to being passed out in the van in 2 minutes! This does NOT count for naptime, boys! No-siree!"
10:20
We are home, and it is raining, hard.
The two-year-old begs for an umbrella. I get him out of the van and give him the umbrella. He promptly decides he is incapable of holding an umbrella, asking for help, or even walking in the rain. He throws the umbrella and screams about getting wet. I direct him to the porch, and he falls to the ground, screaming.
Apparently, a little rain destroys this child's ability to function like a human being.
10:22
I turn on the TV while they grab random items from the grocery bags.
I let them eat said random items in front of the TV because I can count it as early lunch.
Forget adventure. I just wish my couches had seat belts.
(Oh yes, there was some yelling through all of this, especially once we were home.)
An hour later, because God is gracious and merciful and not even little boys can cause trouble forever, they sleep. I pout and complain and repent, a little.
1:20pm
"Mama I get up?"
Oh no you don't. It's still naptime, boy.
I snuggle him quickly, and he falls asleep again.
Commence hallway happy-dance.
1:21pm
"Mama I waaaaant you!"
His eyes are full of sadness because of my betrayal.
I crawl back into bed with him, ready to resign myself to a nap.
"I yub you," he says, with arms around my neck so I can't escape. He burrows his head into me, and his pillow smells sour. I roll on to my side and face him.
"I won't leave this time, honey. Let's snuggle."
A tiny sigh.
He removes his arms from my neck, but then he pus his hot little bare legs over me, on top of my hip.
My seatbelt.
As I lay in his loving warmth, the fist of my heart melts.
Slow breaths, prayer, blankets, and quiet surround us.
1:25
For no reason, his eyes open, wide this time.
He sees me relax and he giggles.
"Get up now, mama?"
Yes, little one, I am ready now.
I put him on my hip, that sweaty little boy.
He is sweet and sour, like motherhood.
A refreshing moment,
but not enough to sustain me for the rest of the day.
That afternoon surpassed the morning in frustration, and yes, yelling- theirs and mine.
They sap me of my ability to function like a human being, and I react like an angry two-year-old throwing a fit in a rain storm.
This vocation is ridiculous, impossible, wonderful, and terrible.
And I long to bring grace and gentleness into this whirlwind life, but so often I am simply tromp on everybody and make lots of noise.
But, they still love me. And I love them. And we'll wake up tomorrow for another day of this.
How terrifying. Wonderful.
I am exhausted and blessed.
Do you relate?
***
This day inspired my previous post: Yelling on my mind.
and my stomping and tromping inspired me to join The Orange Rino Challenge
God, help me love more and yell less.
Grant me a gentle heart.
