Brian Francis's Blog, page 21

Daiquiri Pah

Good lord, what kind of sick individual came up with the spelling for daiquiri? I don’t even want to say how long it took me to get it right. Personally, I think dackeree is a much more practical way to spell it.

This cool and refreshing Daiquiri Pah is like the sibling of the equally delicious Tang Pah. However, because of the alcohol content, this pah should only be eaten after the kids go to bed. In other words, it’s “adults only,” just like those VHS rental places with the frosted windows. And, like Tang Pah, it’s better frozen. (It was a little goopy in its refrigerated state.)

A word of caution: this pah is strong! There’s a ½ cup of rum in it. In fact, it’s so potent, I blanked out after my second piece and woke up the next morning, dangling from a construction crane, wearing a cowboy hat and a pair of pantyhose – neither of which, surprisingly, were mine. Scary how that happened. Again.

But I suppose that’s to be expected when you bake from a cookbook with a unicorn on the cover.

Graham cracker pie crust
1 8 ozs. pckg. cream cheese
1 14 ozs. can Eagle Brand Condensed Milk
1 6 ozs. can frozen limeade or lemonade
½ cup rum
1 5 ozs. container pre-whipped whipping cream (35% - Cool Whip is good) (See note)
Green food colouring (few drops – your choice)

Combine all ingredients except the pie crust in a blender. Blend well and pour into the pie shell. Limes may be placed around the top of the pie. Refrigerate for 6 hours and then serve.
What a coooool dessert!

Note: About half of a large Cool Whip container.

Source: What’s in the Oven?

Please, god. Don't let it be a unicorn.

Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball

When I’m thumbing through a cookbook, it’s pretty easy for me to separate the caker recipes from the non-caker ones. The telltale signs are instructions like, “pour contents of envelope,” or “assemble all ingredients,” or “cover and bake until Oprah’s over.” But sometimes, a recipe can leave me on the fencepost.

Cheese balls are popular among cakers, mainly because they combine our love of cheese and ball-shaped food. And while Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball looked tasty, I wasn’t sure it was caker enough. Then I came across this ingredient:

Simulated chocolate chips

And that sealed the deal. Why would cakers eat real chocolate when we could eat pieces of brown wax instead? Of course, you could use real chocolate chips, but don’t admit this to other cakers. It’ll get awkward and you'll hear comments like, “Well, someone won the lottery,” or “Girls, look who's gone all Martha Stewartson on us.”

1 package cream cheese, softened
½ cup butter
¼ teaspoon vanilla
¾ cup icing sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
¾ cup miniature simulated chocolate chips
Graham crackers

Blend cream cheese, butter and vanilla until fluffy. Add sugars; beat just until combined. Combine the chocolate chips. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours. Place cream cheese mixture on a long piece of plastic wrap. Shape into a big ball. Serve with graham crackers.

Note: I rolled my ball in the remaining chocolate chips to maximize the simulation taste.

Source: Our Family Favourites, Stirling Primary/Junior School

Yes, this is the second week in a row I've used this cookbook, but it's a goldmine. Plus, that cover is a work of art.

Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

Now that summer is here, you’ll find me alongside my aboveground pool, wearing my sarong and water wings (along with a good spritz of Raid) and entertaining mother my countless caker friends on any given night of the week.

I like entertaining poolside because everyone knows you’re not supposed to swim on a full stomach. That means I can get away with feeding my guests as little as possible and feel good that I’m saving them from a potential drowning.

This week, I’m featuring not one but TWO pizza hors d'oeuvres recipes, because who doesn’t like small round things? Especially when there are Ritz crackers involved. And ketchup. These little gems are best hot, so try to get them out to your guests before the cheese has time to congeal. And remember: only one per person. Lives are depending on it.

Little Pizza
Ritz crackers
Pizza sauce or tomato paste
Sliced pepperoni
Mozzarella cheese
Mushrooms
Olives

Spread Ritz crackers with sauce, place a square of cheese on each. Add pepperoni, mushrooms and slice of olive. Place on cookie sheet and heat in 350° oven until cheese melts. Serve hot.

Source: Country Favourites Cookbook, Mitchell’s Corners Home and School Association









Tortilla Pizza
1 whole wheat tortilla
Ketchup
Grated cheese
Chili powder

Spread ketchup on tortilla. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Sprinkle with chili powder. Microwave for about 1 minute or till cheese is melted. Roll up or cut into pizza slices.

Source: Our Family Favourites, Stirling Primary/Junior School

Reader Recipe: McPhail Cake

You know, since all the brouhaha of February’s Reader Month, I haven’t posted any reader recipes. And that’s just not right. After all, if you can’t share some saturated fat between friends, what’s the point in spending five minutes making it in the first place?

Some of you may recall that lemon has always left me a bit sour – that is, until I made Lemon Fluff. So when Caker Cooking reader Doug sent me his mother’s recipe for a lemon creation called McPhail Cake (named after a family friend), I thought I’d give it whirl.

It should come as no surprise that McPhail was a McSuccess. It was moist, dense and had me puckering in all the right places. The only thing that wasn’t a McSuccess? My McBundt. I didn’t grease the pan enough, so the cake came out looking like the surface of the moon. Lesson learned: butta your Bundt.

If you have a recipe you’d like to share, email cakercooking at gmail dot com and I’ll do my best to feature it.

Thanks, Doug!

1 Duncan Hines Lemon Supreme cake mix
1 package vanilla instant pudding
1 cup milk
1/2 cup liquid shortening

Mix, and add 4 eggs one at a time.  Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.  Cool on a rack, turn out on a plate and top with a glaze of 2/3 cup icing sugar and 2 tablespoons lemon juice.

This is the recipe written out in Doug's mom's handwriting. In his words:  "For me, the stained, yellowing, handwritten recipe card is part of the caker experience."

Doug,  I say "Amen" to that.

Buster Bar Dessert

I should’ve declared June as “My Clearasil Month.” Two weeks ago, I featured a homemade Orange Julius inspired by my first job. This week, I’m serving up a caker dessert based on the popular Dairy Queen treat. And if anyone should know what a Buster Bar tastes like, it’s me. Because I made lots of them. That’s right, folks. I used to be a Dairy Queen.

Here are some interesting facts I learned while working there:

1) You can get any three toppings you want on a banana split (most people assume there’s some kind of weird pineapple, chocolate and strawberry restriction.)


2) Make sure no customers are around before you get freaky with the whipped cream dispenser.

3) If you stick your tongue into the cone dip, you’ll burn it.

Another thing I learned is that Spanish peanuts (the ones with the skin on them) taste the best. And that’s what we used for Buster Bars. So when you make this dessert, opt for those instead of chopped peanuts. I’d also skip the Oreos on top and cover with a layer of that chocolate magic shell stuff. Lastly, if you want sh-t to get really real, serve with an air of teen angst and a bandaged tongue.

48 Oreo cookies (see note)
¼ cup melted butter
½ gal. vanilla ice cream
8 ounces Cool Whip
1 cup peanuts
1 jar hot fudge topping

Crush cookies and mix with melted butter. Reserve 1 cup for topping, press into 9” x 13” pan. Put softened ice cream on top of cookie layer and freeze. Pour hot fudge sauce over and add peanuts, freeze. Spread Cool Whip on top, sprinkle with reserved cookie crumbs and freeze.

Note: one bag

Source: National Mfg. Co. 1901-2001 Centennial Cookbook

Taco Salad

I used to love when my Michigan relatives came for a visit. We’d send my uncle off to the park in the morning to reserve a picnic table (and clean off the bird poop). A few hours later, the Americans would arrive in their visors and Detroit Tigers hats, car trunks loaded up with boxes of chips and buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, announcing, “Oh my gad! Can someone get Bannie a pap?”

It was Bonnie, in fact, who first introduced me to Taco Salad. I remember the exact moment she brought out the bowl, tore open a bag of Doritos, crushed them up and poured them in. “Cheez of Whiz," I thought. “Them American cakers know how to do things right.”

Perfect for a summer picnic, Taco Salad (not to be confused with the equally delicious Taco Salad Casserole) combines ground beef, cheese, iceberg lettuce, and yes, Doritos. I’m warning you ahead of time – you won’t be able to stop eating this. Make sure there are other people around. Otherwise, your tears will make the Doritos all soggy.

4 tomatoes, chopped
1 onion, chopped (see note)
1 pound ground beef, cooked
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 bag crushed Doritos
1 head lettuce
250 ml bottle Catalina salad dressing

Prepare everything ahead of time. Mix everything together approximately five minutes before serving. (This salad is great for large gatherings. Even half this recipe makes a large salad suitable for a family of four.)

Note: My taste testers found the onion a bit strong. I used white onion. They suggested green onions might be better. Whatever. Everyone’s a critic.

Source: What’s Cooking at St. Joseph

Orange Julius Shake

Aren’t cakers complicated? On the one hand, we’re all about convenience and ease when it comes to our food. So why do we have recipes for homemade Bailey’s Irish Cream, Skor Bars and Shake n’ Bake coating? After all, isn’t it easier just to go out and buy the damn things?

Easier, yes. Cheaper, no. And a caker penny saved is a penny that can towards getting your tips frosted. Why, just look at this Orange Julius. At the food court, you’d pay close to five bucks. This cost me less than two bucks to make. (Four bucks if you count the glass I bought at Goodwill.) And yes, it tastes just as good as the original, if not better. After all, it’s made with two essential caker ingredients: love and tightassedness.

True confession: My first job was working at an Orange Julius. I had to wear brown polyester. And I got fired. Consider this recipe my revenge. And yes, it’s best served cold.

1/3 can orange juice concentrate
1/3 cup skim milk
1/3 cup water
½ teaspoon vanilla
¼ cup sugar
5 or 6 ice cubes

Combine ingredients in blender then add ice cubes.


Source: Culinary Creations Down the Line, Interprovincial Pipeline Company

Pink Thing Winners!

Hosting contests is stressful because I always think, “What if I don’t get any entries?” So I was over the moon with the entries I received in my Pink Thing contest. I immediately called Mother and said, "See? I do have friends."

You’ve all been waiting with bated breath, and now I’m happy to announce the winner…or is that the winners?

Yes, that’s right. I chose two entries. Congratulations to veg-o-matic and bluerhondda! You’re both getting signed copies of my book, Fruit . No need to pinch yourselves. (But please email me at cakercooking at gmail dot com with your mailing addresses so I can send you the book.)

Thanks to everyone who entered. You made my Pink Thing proud.

Speaking of pink, check back Monday for something orange. And frothy.






Here's veg-o-matic's inspired Pink Thing entry (sung to the tune of "Think Pink.")

Pink Thing!
Pink Thing—it’s a Caker Ooh la la!
Pink Thing!
The dessert with a certain je ne sais pas!
Jell-O’s out, pie’s passé,
Cake’s de trop and déclassé.
And there is not the slightest excuse
For chocolate mousse
Or soufflé!
Pink Thing!
One spoonful will make your taste buds thrill!
Pink Thing—why, it’s even better than Whip ‘N Chill!
This most delicious Caker dish is
Even popular in Beijing
It’ll make you dance a Highland Fling—
Pink Thing!

And here's bluerhondda's entry, which rhymes "lick" with "dick" and "raunchy" with "paunchy." Quite the skill set.
Pink Thing's easyPink Thing's coolPink Thing's like a Caker fool*
Pink Thing may soundkinda raunchy(and it makes your tummy paunchy)
But if you likedesserts to lickit's one step upfrom Spotted Dick!
* fruity dessert

Idiot Cake

As a kid, I loved fruit cocktail. Yes, there were never enough cherries, but there were plenty of mushy, unidentifiable white and beige cubes swimming in a thick syrup made of 98% sugar. What more could a cavity-ridden child ask for?

A favourite of cakers everywhere, Idiot Cake (a.k.a. Fruit Cocktail Cake) is the softest, fruitiest and squishiest cake you’ll ever eat. The cake itself is pretty special, but once you pour that hot milk, sugar and butter mixture overtop, you’re left with something that resembles a wet sponge. Only it tastes better than a wet sponge. Like, a lot.

As to why it’s called Idiot Cake, who knows? Maybe you’re an idiot if you screw up the recipe. Or you’re an idiot if you don’t like it. Or maybe you’re an idiot if you don’t make the cake (which you should, because it’s delicious).

Shredded coconut alert! Do NOT attempt to eat this cake without a toothpick handy. Otherwise, your co-workers might catch you flossing your teeth with the corner of your business card. Then you’ll really look like an idiot. Trust me on this one.

1½ cups white sugar
½ cup corn oil
2 eggs
Beat and mix well.
Sift:
2 cups flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons soda
Add: 1 14-ounce can fruit cocktail. Mix well.
Pour above mixture into a 9x13 pan. Greased and floured. Bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
Topping:
½ cup butter
¾ cup white sugar
½ cup milk
Boil together for 1 minute. Remove from heat and add 1 teaspoon vanilla. Pour over cooled cake in pan while still hot. Sprinkle with ½ cup coconut. This also makes a delicious dessert (see note) served with ice cream, whipped cream or Dream Whip.

Note: “Also makes a delicious dessert?” What other reason would you eat this? For breakfast? Actually, now that I think about it….

PS: I’ll announce the winner of my Pink Thing contest this Friday!

Source: Women’s Ministries Cook Book, Calvary Pentecostal Church

Pink Thing

The bad news? We’re at the end of Unfortunately Named Caker Recipe Month. The good news? I’ve got something pink.

Like most cakers, I enjoy entertaining. Once the crockpot has been unplugged, the paper plates crammed into the garbage and the Taster’s Choice has been served, there’s nothing I like more than turning to my guests and asking, “Who’s got room for some Pink Thing?”

Look, there’s no reason to feel ashamed – everyone should indulge every now and then. Pink Thing is creamy, tasty as heck and hits the spot. Toss in some nuts and you’re in seventh heaven. Take it from someone who knows – Pink Thing delivers!

A few months back, I gave readers the chance to win copies of my novel, Natural Order , along with a handwritten recipe card. Fellow blogger Mimi was one of the winners and I sent her the recipe for Pink Thing. (Check out her results.) Naturally, I had to taste Pink Thing for myself – and now I’ve got another contest lined up!

Simply leave a comment that uses Pink Thing in a sentence. I’ll pick the best one and send the winner a copy of my first book, Fruit . I’ll even sign it so you get an extra 50 cents on eBay. Make sure you leave your comment by next Sunday, June 2. (And yes, you can opt in as "Anonymous.")

Good luck!

1 can cherry pie filling
1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 can pineapple tidbits
1 carton Cool Whip
1 ½ cups pecans, chopped

Mix and refrigerate overnight. Spoon into pudding dishes or parfait glasses. Serves 8.

Source: London Newcomer’s Cook Book

(Yep, this is the same gem that gave me “This is Terrible – the Soda is Overwhelming!” Cherry Pudding.)