Rachelle D. Alspaugh's Blog, page 19

The year that started with a BOOM

Well, I guess it's normal to say you started the year off with a bang, but in my case, I started it off with a BOOM. Or maybe you could say a THUD. 

I used the first week of staff development to figure out a nice work-out/exercise plan that would keep me in shape and healthy after riding my bike for nearly ten miles every morning during the summer. I tried a few different routes and found several different 1-2 mile walking routes I could take after my breakfast each morning, depending on whether I had 30 or 45 minutes to spare before leaving for work. Then I even came home and rode my bike for another 5 miles to destress just before the sun came down in the evening. 

I enjoyed setting up my classroom, meeting my new teammate, having lunch out with my team, and meeting 17 of my 22 students by Thursday evening of that first week. I got most of the school supplies organized and had all the desks, furniture, and Math and Reading stations set up. I went to an interior design presentation with my mom and learned ways to make the room feel calm by arranging things symmetrically and creating balance. 

Friday's meetings went a bit longer than expected, so I assumed I would stay a little extra that afternoon to get the remaining supplies put away before Monday morning. But not long after I got back into my classroom, they made an announcement that we had to leave the building by 5:00 so the custodians could wax the floors. We could come back on Saturday to finish things up if needed. So I grabbed my backpack and walked down the hallway, out the doors, and across the playground toward my car. 

As I walked, I looked down at my hand and realized I still held a sock eraser that I grabbed on accident. I chuckled at myself, knowing I had way too much on my mind after a long day of staff development meetings and no plans even made for the week ahead. 

About the same time, as I took my next step, my toe somehow caught on the lip of the concrete walkway and BOOM! I suddenly crashed to the ground, falling directly on my chest and arm right onto the concrete. I don't remember even realizing I was falling. I just remember hitting the ground hard and seeing my glasses fall on the sidewalk in front of where I fell, wondering what in the world just happened.

After a second or two feeling stunned, I got up, moved my arm to make sure it wasn't broken, and got in my car to drive around to the front of the building. I knew I needed to report it, but I had forgotten my key to get back in the building. I realized there wasn't anybody left in the office to let me in, so I figured I would make it home and contact the nurse. I drove home trying to convince myself the whole way that I was okay.

But by the time I got home, my whole body started to hurt, especially my chest and ribs. I contacted both principals to get the nurses' number, and she told me where to go if I needed medical care. So I checked in online to see a doctor, but they were unable to get me in that night due to an overload of COVID cases. I somehow made it through the night on tylenol and went in to see a doctor first thing Saturday morning. So much for getting in to my classroom to make any finishing touches before the first day of class on Monday morning. 

As soon as the doc started touching the sore area and saw me wincing, she ordered x-rays. Thankfully, no obvious breaks or fractures showed up, though a hairline fracture would not be evident on an x-ray for a few days. Either way, I bruised my right rib cage pretty badly and needed pain meds, along with orders for very limited activity. No bending, twisting, or lifting anything over 20 pounds. It hurt to take deep breaths, to talk loudly, to try to sleep, to get up and down from chairs, and to walk. So much for my morning 2 mile walks before school. Now I was doing good just to get a shower and somehow style my hair. 

So not the way I envisioned starting out a new school year. Especially after last year and all things COVID. It was like a slap in the face, after all my efforts to better both my physical and mental health this summer. My anxiety level went through the roof on that first day of school. The kids walked in with big bags of school supplies, and I couldn't reach down to help them with any of it. I had to ask those poor kids to lift every item up to my level so i could number it, and then I had to guide them to where to put away each thing. I couldn't even bend down to their desk level to write a quick note, spell a word, or anything. Even if I tried, the pain would stop me immediately. 

Thankfully, they're a really great group of kids and didn't hesitate to help me out. It's kind of like an invisible injury that no one can see, so that made it hard to explain. My best explanation was that I fell and the doctor told me I can't bend down to get anything off the floor or lift anything heavy. Apparently that said enough. :)

Monday I was in quite a bit of pain, but Tuesday felt okay, as long as I didn't overdo it. Wednesday I hurt again for most of the day, but Thursday felt much better. Friday was painful again. I wonder if the days that aren't so painful give me too much confidence, and then I pay for it the next day. I also had family visiting from Pennsylvania for four days this week (that I hadn't seen in four years!), so I didn't get a lot of rest time. I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to see them and catch up with them, even if all I could do was just sit and talk. I did rest up a lot yesterday afternoon, slept really well last night--despite sleeping sitting up, and rested again for most of the day today, so I am hoping this next week will be better. At least the anxiety of the first week of school has already passed, and I know my kids are more than eager to help me out. Tomorrow I go back to the doctor for a follow up.

So here's to the most unexpected start to the 2021/22 school year, my nineteenth year of teaching at the same school. (In fact, the first student I met from my class happens to be the child of a student I taught my third year here.)

Reading corner
Math corner

Another reading/calm down spot
My own corner
And my main teaching spot

Last days of summer 2021

And somehow, here we are again. On the last official day of summer break (not counting the weekend). Normally, I'd be in my classroom today, taking advantage of a quiet day to start setting things up before the building fills up with lots of noise and people. But not this year. The break was too short to give up a single day.

Normally, I'd be in panic mode all week, making sure I finished every project, squeezed in every doctor appointment, cleaned out every closet and pantry, etc. Not this year. With the last "normal" four weeks of summer now spread out into extra breaks through the year, I had to change my whole mindset of summer break.

It was just that. A much needed break. A time to rest, recharge, and refuel. To do things I enjoy. To give my mind a chance to unravel and declutter. A time to heal physically and address any health concerns I may have pushed to the side during a stressful year of survival (like getting my eyes checked--glasses coming soon!). A time to catch up with friends. A time to spend with the people I love without feeling so frazzled and pressed for time. 

Today I spent one last long morning on my bike, riding the nature trail, thanking God for all the gifts around me that He brought to my attention this summer. I found a quiet spot beside the still water of a pond to just sit and breathe in God's goodness, to surrender this next school year to Him, asking for wisdom to handle whatever the year brings, trusting that He's in control of all the details. 

And as frazzled, physically depleted, and angry as the last school year left me, these last six weeks helped immensely in refilling my tank and uplifting my spirit. I'm ready to head back to work on Monday morning with a renewed enthusiasm and sense of purpose. This is my mission field, and God has equipped me for the task ahead and prepared me for the people He's going to put on my path. Students, families, and coworkers alike. 

Here are a few last pics of summer that I want to have here to remember.

Celebrating July 20--Colombian Independence Day (eating Mazamorra Paisa at a local Colombian restaurant) and 13 years since the day we met Juan David.

July 5, my dad's 75th birthday! I made him 75 little muffins to munch on for awhile.

July 4th with my boys

My very patriotic, loves his country, son







Having a full day off together occasionally to enjoy a different kind of date


Several bowling outtings as a family or just two of us.



Joining my parents for lunch on Father's Day
Celebrating Juan's 8th year as our son (has it really only been 8 years????)
Hanging out with David. He worked hard at a new full-time job all summer, so I had to focus on quality time whenever I could, rather than quantity time like last summer. Plus I had to share him with his new girlfriend (who I adore). I loved that he worked so close to home so that I got to see him when he came home for his lunch breaks. And that we almost always went to church together on Saturday nights.
An unexpected gift from my sister-in-law that I got to watch her make for me on a laser machine she uses for her new business, Abby Kate Designs. Such a sweet gesture that touched my heart. A good motto for the year ahead, too. 

Summer "study" and "work" time

I just can't imagine summer without my Bible study peeps. But when I realized I missed the opportunity to teach a study at church, I had to find another way to still get one going. So I texted a couple friends to see if they wanted to join me on my front porch to do a study together, and they said yes! I didn't want to have to deal with any kind of technology, plus I only had six weeks to squeeze it in, so I went to the Love God Greatly website to find a study we could fit into that time frame. I've led several Love God Greatly studies, and I love the format. Simple, solid Scripture, and you can take it to whatever level you need. Basically, you get out of the study what you put into it. But what I love about this format are the "ah-ha" moments when you discover something new in the verse that you never noticed before. 
So when I found a new study called Friendship, I knew God gave me the perfect study after a year and a half of separation and social distancing. A study we all needed and a time of fellowship we all craved.

Every Monday morning at 9:00, I met with 3-5 friends out on my front porch and just talked about what the Bible has to say about our need and purpose for deep, authentic biblical friendships. God gives us friends for our safety, productivity, comfort, pleasure, and provision. My biggest take away from the study was how much we need each other and how much our love for each other within the body of Christ is actually one of our most powerful witnessing tools to a watching world. God created us to constantly give to and receive from our friends. Sometimes we focus too much on the giving or the receiving, but we should always be pouring ourselves out while letting someone else pour into us. We always have something to give just as much as we always have something we need to willingly receive.  
I cherished every Monday morning, which usually lasted until at least lunch time and then extended into lunch out together on several occasions. I grew closer to each of those five friends and felt blessed to find out how much we all have in common. Wishing I'd gotten a picture of all six of us together!


This was one of the verses we spent quite a bit of time discussing. 
Besides Bible study, I also took advantage of some alone time to do some reading for pleasure, something I sadly don't have much time for during the school year, especially the last school year. 

A friend who is also sending her youngest off to college this year ordered this book the same time I did, and it could not have ministered to me at a better time as I watch my 19 year old now live with one foot in and one foot out, knowing he's home for the summer but that this isn't home during the year. I read through it and immediately passed it on to another close friend about to send her daughter off to college. I guess I'll have to order another one for myself so I can do the journaling parts. 
Nothing like a cloudy day to sit in the hammock and soak up words on a page. I highly recommend this book!

A little nostalgic reading of a novel that took place in my hometown in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
And then a little writing time on a project that's grown in my heart for the last four years. The first (simple) draft of what could some day be my third book to turn my series into a trilogy. If I ever want to publish it, I'd have to go back and do quite a bit of revising, elaborating, and fleshing out of the story, (plus obtain permission from the main people I included), but for the first time in four years, I finally wrote out the backbone of our journey to Laura in story form. The format changed, though. Rather than start each chapter with my own poetry, I wanted to use Biblical poetry, so I based it on Psalm 23. 
Book 1--Unexpected Tears. Published. Book 2--Patiently waiting.  Published. Book 3--Boldly Praying. Maybe someday? 

It felt good to finally write it all out.

 

Summer mornings 2021

It's been a short summer, and after the insanity of the last school year, all I wanted was a chance to rest, heal, and recharge. We didn't plan a single trip or vacation, and though I will admit to feeling a little jealous of everyone's beach pictures, I can't say I even wanted to deal with the stress or hassle of preparing for a trip or leaving the comfort of home. But that's not to say I didn't get any miles under my belt. Nearly every morning I got up and hopped on my bike or took a long walk. I never thought I could ever be an exercise before coffee kind of girl until I experienced the beauty and serenity of a sunrise ride on my bike (and because if I started too late, I couldn't take the Texas heat). So far, I've ridden 300 miles in the last six weeks, and I hope to ride at least another 50 more before I go back to work in a week. I hope to still take a short morning walk before starting each day, at least while the sunlight and weather cooperate with my schedule, but you can be sure I'll be hitting my bike for a sunset ride as many evenings as I can. 


















 Captivated by that baby bird who hadn't yet learned to fly. 
 

Craft time with Mom/ Summer 2021

Every summer I like to work on at least one creative art/craft project. I don't have a lot of space or resources in my house, but my mom does! So now that she lives close by, I enjoy being able to do arts and crafts with her. She had the space and the main supplies (paint, paintbrushes, glues, etc.), and Dollar Tree had most everything else we needed. Here are a couple little projects we dabbled with and experimented this summer on the days we didn't venture out to a thrift store or coffee shop together. We're on a roll now! My summer break may be almost over, but I think these fun projects are going to have to extend themselves into the school year as weekend or monthly projects. I'll definitely say they've been a highlight of my summer, and I'm so thankful to spend this time with my mom. 

Summer Reset

God created our bodies and minds to need the Sabbath. As a teacher, summer is my Sabbath. A time to decompress, destress, rest, refill, recharge, and reset. Without it, I don't know how I could start each new year with a renewed enthusiasm and energy to teach a whole new group of kids. My personality desperately needs time away. ESPECIALLY after this year. But that's another whole post that we won't even get into here.
Summer is my time to spend as much time out in nature as is possible, yes, even in the heat of Texas. Early mornings and evenings still work for me, as long as I can get outside to breathe in God's creation. I'm enthralled with nature. I can sit outside on my porch and just listen to the birds sing for quite a long time. I am delighted each time one of them comes close so I can carefully study it's unique design and color pattern.
One of my favorite places to spend my mornings or evenings right now is on my bike down a nature trail. I stop quite often to snap a picture of a wildflower, a sunrise or sunset, a stream, a river, a pond, a duck, a squirrel, or even a fascinating insect. It amazes me how many different colors, shapes, sizes, patterns, and variety I find among the flowers. I have no green thumb (I think I have to claim a black thumb), so I have to admire everyone else's flowers or the ones that grow wildly in the field. 
The last few mornings, I've been mesmorized by a "simple" spider on my back porch and the intricate web he's been weaving each night. 
Nature points all fingers to a Creator. A designer. An artist. And to know that all creation groans for the return of Christ means that the beauty I see isn't even close to the beauty we will behold in eternity. I long for that day. 
This year took more out of me than normal, so I've resigned to completely remove myself from a school mindset for at least the entire month of June. I need a reset, a chance to focus on things that draw me closer to Christ and to others. A chance to write and reflect, to let all my thoughts have a space to congregate outside of my head, to make sense of what's happening in my world. A chance to reconnect with friends and family, to find cute coffee shops, to go thrift store treasure hunting, etc. You get my drift. A chance to break out of the mold and seek adventure, even if the adventure is just a lone ride on my bike. 
I have a shorter summer this year because our breaks are scheduled more deliberately within the school year, so I didn't even get to look into teaching a Bible study at church. But my heart beats for teaching other women how to study Scripture, so a few friends and I decided to congregate on my front porch to study Scripture together this summer. Last year we met via Zoom and wrote a lament psalm about missing community, so I can't begin to express my gratitude for the community we are able to build this summer in my favorite place. 

Our psalm of lament

7/16/2020

As a society and a family of believers, we are deeply grieving connection.

Please, Lord, redefine connection for us by bringing divine appointments into our life.

We trust that You’re not surprised that our personalities have this need for connection and that You are creating more opportunity to connect with You. 

We  praise You for the joy that is coming, for the glory that will be revealed after we have suffered and persevered through this trial, and for the deeper way we are going to know You through this season.

You are a jealous God and will fight for connection with us because You love us that much

Yes, sometime I'll have to get myself ready to enter the school mindset again, but not until I've had time to reset. I believe it's just as essential as any training or preparing we could possibly do with our time. 


The Garland flower, a firewheel.





Thrift store treasures
Cute coffee shops


Watching the sun continue to rise every morning, right on schedule
Watching the flowers stay on schedule each day, not pointing their petals outward or upward until it's time.
The spider that captivates me, so uniquely and intricately created with a purpose unlike any other creature.

In case you can't find me, you know where I'll be....

Facebook Memories

 One feature I absolutely love about Facebook is the way it preserves our memories. The great ones, the mundane ones, and even the hard ones. It's like a journal we can go back to, a reminder of events we want to cherish, goals we want to reach for, and a tracker for how far we've come. 

Today marks an important event for our family, the day Juan David's social worker finally handed him over to us to give us custody of him, a custody that led to his final adoption as our son. A long awaited, long hoped for, gruelly fought for custody that we'd once given up hope of ever having. 

I did not realize, however, that several other key events happened on this day in my personal history. 

Thirteen  years ago today, I started a family blog to document our adoption journey. We had just begun the process to adopt an older girl (not known to us) from El Salvador, but two small pictures of two Colombian children captured my heart and my prayers at the same time. A week after starting that blog, we met those two children and changed our entire plan. 

Twelve years ago, my new puppy, Sweetie, died. A foreshadowing of the grief and loss that lie ahead in our adoption story. I originally thought my blog headed toward a celebration coming, but it became an open, public space for me to grieve. A place for my heart to bleed. 

Ten years ago, my heart filled with hope as we finally met and nurtured a familial relationship with Julian, the "son" we almost missed. We spent the day shopping for nice, professional looking clothing for him to use for job interviews while buying a Colombian soccer outfit for David. We found purpose in our pain.

Nine years ago, we found ourselves in Colombia yet again, reconnecting with dear friends we made the year before.

Eight years ago, God gave Juan David back to us.

Five years ago, we celebrated our third Family Day in St. Louis with my parents.

Four years ago, Juan David became an official DBU Patriot, where he'd get a great foundation to guide him through such an important stage of life, and where he'd meet his best friend who's stayed close through lots of change over the last four years and helped him find a place to feel like he belongs.  He may not have been emotionally ready to continue as a full-time student, but he's still a proud Patriot, working at his own pace, figuring out who he is and what he's meant to contribute to the world. 

Today, I cherish this day for all of the memories it holds, the lessons it continues to teach me, and the redemption and restoration it signifies. And my feeble attempt at making arepas for him. "You tried, Mom. That's all that matters." 

The value of a dollar

 

As I sit here on the eve of the last two days of school, I find my heart heavy with many mixed emotions. This year proved to be the hardest, most challenging, most sacrificial year of my entire 18 years of teaching in Texas with the least amount of support and appreciation from the families I sacrificed it all for. Yet I don't say that negatively towards them, as it may sound. Their lack of support just evidenced the devastating effects that COVID had on their lives over the last year. They, too, spent this last year in survival mode, just trying to make it to Friday so they could catch their breath, trying to make ends meet, get the kids to school, keep the devices charged and in one piece, provide space and structure for either occasional or full-time online learning that they didn't have a clue how to do, find childcare at the last minute, keep their own jobs with so many mandatory quarantines, and to keep their families safe and healthy. 

I look back over the year with so much sadness, regret, and disappointment, seeing all the materials we never used, the book nooks and beanbag chairs they never sat in to read their favorite books, the science lessons we never go to do hands-on, the small groups we weren't able to meet with consistently, the rich discussions we never had while sitting together on the class rug, the field trips we didn't take, the insects we didn't observe in the classroom, the butterflies we didn't get to release, the class parties we never had, the food we never shared, the books we never touched, the organization we never learned, the hands-on centers we never experienced, the level of rigor we didn't reach, and for some, the closure we won't have yet again for the second year. It didn't take long to pack up my classroom this year because, well, I never had the chance to unpack it from last year. 

That's not to say learning didn't happen. We learned differently. These kids learned so much technology that they'd never used in my classroom before. We learned how to do things in a new way. Some of which may have pushed me into better ways of teaching and learning that match their current reality, some that may benefit them much more for the future they are walking into. Other parts will leave a huge gap in their learning because there are things you just can't learn as well virtually as you can hands on or working closely in a small group. There are discussions that could never take off past the surface while trying to manage students on both sides of a screen, deal with internet issues, students entering late from home, or students who would switch back and forth from school to home on a whim, leaving all sense of consistency, structure, and routine out the window.  By leaving that door open and asking teachers to teach to both groups simultaneously, I firmly believe that we created a bigger problem than we started with that we will be trying to recover for years to come. 

I can walk away feeling positive about two main things that did happen in my classroom this year: my kids found a safe community, and they found their voice as a writer. We literally wrote for 30 minutes every day, if not more, and they all enjoyed coming up to the camera to share how they felt each day and why. They wrote letters to each other at least two or three times throughout the year, we published a class book, we made another paper copy book of their life stories to remember each other, and they learned how to give constructive feedback and encouragement to each other on our class blog. If anything mattered in a year of chaos, their sense of community, belonging, and safety mattered the most. In that, I can say we succeeded. 

The end of the year leaves me reflecting on what I've learned about the value of a dollar. This particular class celebrated me as their Pre-K teacher like no other class had ever done, planning a surprise birthday party for me after showering me with enough flowers and treats to open up my own floral shop for teacher appreciation week. Three years later, teacher appreciation week came and went with three small gifts, and three roses and a single gift for my birthday. And a dollar. One little girl, upon hearing it was my birthday, handed me a dollar from her pocket. "My mom gave me two dollars to buy chips at lunch, but I decided to give one of my dollars to you." I appreciated the three roses and the gift from another student, but that one dollar really touched my heart.  I stuffed that dollar in my pocket, thinking that I wanted to use it for something special because to her, giving up those chips at lunch was a big deal. 

The next day, she spiked a fever and went home midday, only to test positive for COVID, the one thing I tried so hard to protect my kids from all year. The rest of the year kept her online, never to return to my classroom. Another year without a physical goodbye to a student, along with the one who had to leave the country, and the one who had emergency surgery on his stomach. When I really think about it, that dollar was like her goodbye gift, and now I can't seem to be able to spend it. Every time I look at it, I think of her and cherish all the positive things I can remember about her from this year. Because the last full day we spent together, on my birthday, she made that thoughtful sacrifice for me. To me, that physical dollar is worth so much more than it could ever buy. 

May showers

I love spring, and I love May. There's always a lot to celebrate. I love the sunshine and the flowers blooming. This May seemed to be a bit backwards, though, bringing with it a lot of rain showers. So I've had to be intentional about soaking up every bit of sunshine I can.

May has been filled with endless testing on our end of year calendar, but I love that without a single mention on the calendar, several of us woke up on May the 5th and wore our special Mexican attire for Cinco de mayo. It's kind-of an unwritten tradition that we just do at our school every year, and I love that we all just showed up dressed very similar without any prompting or reminders. Of course, when we ran into each other in the hallway, we had to pose for a pic!
The first week of May is usually a fun week of surprises for Teacher Appreciation Week, but COVID has really put a damper on that the last two years, and our students' families have taken quite a hit in so many areas of life that they just can't afford to do many extras these days. A student brought me rose scented hand soap, while another brought me flowers, and another brought me a picture holder. Our administrators grilled burgers for us, and our cafeteria staff provided donuts and breakfast biscuits. And I made sure to get my free chicken sandwich from Chick Fil-A!

I finally got that heart monitor off and sent back after having it attached to me for 30 days straight. The initial summary didn't seem to show any huge concerns, but I don't meet with the cardiologist until the end of the month to go over all of my testing that I've had done over the last month. Thankfully they finally got me on the right dose of meds to keep me functioning and sane. I'm also glad to not have that one extra thing to keep up with, between keeping both the censor and the monitor charged, and making sure I had the monitor within 30 feet of me at all times. Now comes the fun part of paying for it all. 
Juan had other plans on Mother's Day, so he took me out for a Mother's Day brunch the day before. We had a nice time together just talking about life. I always appreciate the way he appreciates time with me.

After the brunch, I headed to DBU to pack up the majority of David's things to bring back home, leaving only the essentials that he would bring home later in the week after his last final.  Kind-of bittersweet to move a second son out of Lange Hall after completing their freshman year at DBU. 

After getting David, we came home and then went to church together. That night we had a special treat for Mothers with Beth Moore speaking about our most important maternal role as praying for our children (and any spiritual children we are involved with) to bear fruit. Her message was a good reminder of what matters more than anything and set a theme for this month of being a prayer warrior for my children and all those who are in my circle of influence. While sitting behind my son and his girlfriend and watching them worship Christ together, I received that picture as a Mother's Day gift, an answer to years of praying for my son to grow into a godly man. 
Both Mike and David had to work on Mother's Day the next day, so we went out on a double date after church with David and his sweet girlfriend to celebrate Mother's Day, and also their 6 month anniversary as a couple. She is a delight to have in our lives.


David went back to DBU that night in order to work the next morning, and Mike got up early to go to work on Sunday, as well. But he left this on the kitchen table for me. :)
With everyone gone for the day, I headed on over to eat lunch and spend the afternoon with my own mother. We exchanged Mother's Day and birthday gifts, and my dad cooked steak on the grill. We had a really nice lunch together, and we made candles together of our favorite scents (hers, lavender; mine, blueberry).

David took this silly pic the night before, and I loved finding it on his instagram page in the late afternoon on Mother's Day. Love him.

Two days later, I celebrated my 44th birthday. I woke up to an encouraging card from my grandmother and a gift card to go out to eat from a dear friend. I started my morning outside on my back porch with my fireplace heater and my kitty, and my coffee (which sadly is still decaf until all my heart rate issues are figured out). 

When I came inside, I opened my gifts from Mike since he had to work till close in the evening and wouldn't be around when I got home from work.  I absolutely love the purple shirt and felt that it went very well with Beth Moore's Mother's Day message. 

My mom got me this perfect little caddy for my colored pencils, which I happen to use quite often when I just need to chill and take a break from my never ending school work this year. I also found out that introverts like me really enjoy coloring because it is a way for our brains to relax and refocus. 


I got to school and found this on my computer from one of my closest friends that works with me. 
Since Mike was going to be working, and Juan wasn't coming home until later, (and it was pouring down rain), I used the gift card to buy myself a nice birthday dinner at Chick Fil-A. I will admit, though, that I was sorely disappointed to eat my birthday dinner alone, but I didn't feel like calling anyone or trying to meet up with anyone because it was pouring down rain as I tearfully sat in the drive through. I was pretty bummed. (I was also bummed because my students had to test all day long, so we didn't get to do anything fun to celebrate.)

So while I sat at home eating my birthday dinner alone (and texting my mom), I got a text saying a delivery was coming from Tiff's Treats within the hour. I really had no idea who sent it or what it might be. So I waited. And while I waited a package arrived at the door. But it was for David, not me. I texted David to say a package arrived for him, and he told me to open it. I was so excited to open up new things I'd been wanting for my bike. :) My day was starting to get a little brighter, and the sun actually started to shine, too!

While I got my bike set up, my delivery from Tiff's treats came, a dozen fresh, warm cookies from one of my closest friends. But the card attached truly warmed my heart.

How did she know the theme of a prayer warrior that God was sending me in various ways this week?

Shortly after my cookies came, Juan came home, and we went out for a special treat together. 


Instead of strawberry pie, I had strawberry crepes. Just as delicious, and a meaningful time again with my son. And then when we got home, I got another sweet treat, a phonecall with Julian. We haven't talked on the phone since my last birthday, but I love how he always remembers me and how deep our connection is to each other. Love him and miss him like crazy. I sure hope someday I can get back to Buenos Aires to see him. 
The next day, I wore my new shirt that my mom got me for my birthday. :) It's not my cat, but it looks just like her!

So, May's been filled with a lot of rainy days (with an entire week of rain ahead of us), but I hold on to these moments of sunshine, joyful in hope for more sunshine to come. 

Looking forward to summer days to clear my mind and color new pages in my most recent garage sale find. 

A God who keeps on coming through

There's a battlefield in my mind. That's where I spend my time lately, especially over the last six months to a year. I seem to require a whole lot more alone time to sort out my thoughts and recharge. 
So here I am, sitting outside on a beautiful Sunday morning, watching the sun rise, feeling its heat as it shines on my skin. I listen to the birds and am fascinated with their intricate design and color, evidence of a creative God.
And my mind finally starts to rest. I miss these mornings that found themselves in abundance a year ago when COVID forced us all to work from home. I soaked them up and spent so much quality time with God, not knowing what the future held and how long we'd have to fight to survive this pandemic.
With the global shut down came a natural reset, and coming out of the shutdown meant coming into a world we didn't recognize. A world with masks, with social distancing, with virtual learning opportunities in every area of life. Also a world full of loss, anxiety, and mental illness brought on by months of isolation and separation. When the world began to open up, we found ourselves having to navigate through change at every turn.
Education looked entirely different than anything we've ever seen before, and the stress mounted on teachers and parents did no one any good.  Managing a class of 20 second graders both online and in person simultaneously mentally challenged me this year more than any other year in my eighteen years in education. Add to that all the health issues I've faced due to COVID and post COVID syndrome, all the extra absences and planning for substitutes, plus ongoing personal issues, my mind just can't seem to rest.
I look forward to summer quickly approaching in order to give my mind the break it needs from this battlefield, though I tear up at the thought of closing out the year with those 20 second graders that I've grown to love very dearly. Some of them spent their first year of school with me in Pre-K and now another year with me currently, and it saddens me to know they didn't get the best of me the second time around. Every day that I battle to teach on both sides of the screen, I feel so defeated, knowing this isn't how we're supposed to learn. We lost so much rich discussion, and my lessons barely touched the surface, losing depth and conversation that normally happens naturally. I hate that, and I grieve the fact that I had to resort to computer programs to teach them on their own level because there's no way I could fill in so many gaps and inconsistencies as just one teacher. 
When the nurse from my cardiologist called in the middle of one of those disastrous virtual class times to tell me I needed to come back in for further testing, I had two choices. Let my anxiety get the better of me, or just give up and let God carry me. Okay, so I chose a little bit of both. My blood pressure rose over the following 24 hours, while my prayer warriors starting praying for me. 
My normal prayer warriors that I always go to for prayer. And new ones that I just met over the last few months in two groups my husband and I recently joined at church. 
By the time I went in for my test, my blood pressure finally came back down to numbers I hadn't seen in several months, and while walking on the treadmill in the cardiologist's office, I felt empowered and strengthened, not only physically, but in my spirit. I felt like God was right there, cheering me on, as I walked, and I felt courage to laugh in the face of my enemy and let him know that God prepared a table for me and would dine with me right in front of him. He was about to go down, and God was about to show up big in my life. 
I could see clearly, and I saw blessings all around me.  Time to finish up paperwork that had cluttered my mind, a clear head, new jeans passed on from a friend who didn't know mine had just ripped, a new hot pink backpack I found at a garage sale for a dollar after I'd just thrown my old one away, a free cubby unit after I'd just had an itch to organize a closet, hot pink things to get me excited about actually setting up my classroom next year (pink is my happy color), a call from a good friend (my biggest writing support) giving me new writing opportunities after I'd just shared with my husband about a prompting to write for ministry again, a deepening bond with the ladies in a new couples' group after I left my previous' ladies' group to join a group with my husband, a published book of poems that my students and I wrote and illustrated together during an incredibly stressful month, a class that said our book signing celebration was the best day ever, the privilege to cross paths this year with the most unsuspecting person in the most unsuspecting way to connect them to a ministry opportunity in Colombia this summer, a text from a writer friend wanting to pray for me in a specific way, etc. I could go on and on. 
The chaos didn't go away. I'm still dealing with health issues, though they seem to finally be stabilizing. School is still an insanity, though I am finding joy in teaching again, a direct answer to my husband's prayer for me. I still have a ton of medical bills piling up, though God gave me peace about even that and granted me time, clarity, and the needed support from my cardiologist to construct an appeal to the insurance company. I'm still growing and learning through some personal issues, though God closed doors in order to lead our family to just the right people and resources to encourage us through them. 
He's showing me that new things are on the horizon, and that He sees the smallest details of my life and hears my heart, even to show me that He saw me throw away that old back pack and saw the tear forming in my favorite jeans. He led me right to someone selling a backpack in my favorite color, and he brought me to someone's mind who had jeans just my size. He saw the text I sent to one of my closest friends thanking her for being my prayer warrior, and the next moment I received a group text from a brand new friend telling us that we are warriors and that she was praying for us. 
Yes, my plate is still overwhelmingly full. But my cup is beginning to overflow, reminding me of my purpose to stay connected to others and let God's love pour onto them through me. We are made for community and relationships, as God uses each of us to touch and impact each other in ways we can't imagine.  
Today I'm so thankful for spring, for the warm sunshine and the beautiful birds, both of which helped me give my mind a break. I'm thankful for watercolors that helped me focus and reign my attention in to what matters. I'm thankful for an intimate God who just keeps on coming through.