Edward Lorn's Blog, page 31
September 22, 2016
Confessions of a Hack #7
Crouched and crotched are two different things. I didn’t even know crotched was a word until I mistakenly used it instead of crouched. Tell me, how does one crotched?
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1471932/confessions-of-a-hack-7
September 12, 2016
The World Lost a Good Man Last Night
My Facebook friend Rich Meyer passed away last night and his wife Mona needs help with funeral expenses. If you can help out at all, I’m sure she’d appreciate even something as small as a reblog or share.
Rich was a great guy, a snarky, pleasant soul who loved classic television, trivia, and rescuing animals. I remember when he adopted this blind cat he came to call Ruby and all I could think was, “This dude is a saint.” Although I never met him in person, he was open enough that I felt like I knew the guy on a personal level. I’m gonna miss seeing him around.
Here’s the link to the GoFundMe. I can vouch for the lady who’s running the campaign. She’s good people as well, and I have no doubt the money will go to the right places.
https://www.gofundme.com/mona-meyer?rcid=c2d06b9e794c11e68c39bc764e063e01
RIP Rich.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1466424/the-world-lost-a-good-man-last-night
Dear Mr. M Review
Review: 
In subtext and content and delivery, Herman Koch says to novelists everywhere, “Do better.” As a writer, I think I got a little more from this book than a non-writer would. I caught all the nods to form and style and competition. Sure, this book is a thriller, after a fashion, but it is also a punch in the face to the lazy writers of the world. Toward the end of the novel, there’s a passage that gracefully explains my hatred for writers like James Patterson and Clive Cussler, these word mills employing authors-for-hire who will only ever be remembered for how many books they sold and not what their books were about. There is a place for their laziness and business savvy and quantity-over-quality approach, but, in my opinion, it is not the in the world of literature. No, not everything needs to be a work of art. I simply wish the books that have something to say, something meaningful to say, outsold the air-headed authors of the world.
Why, yes, Virginia, I am a book snob. Now kindly fuck off and let me get on with my review.
*clears throat and does a horrible impersonation of Movie-Theater-Voice Guy*
In a world of books whose titles all start with THE GIRL… and authors who regurgitate last year’s bestsellers’ lists, Herman Koch dares try something different.
Not necessarily new but indeed different.
Here is a story told in two different, usually-unpalatable styles: second-person close and third-person omniscient. You’re gonna fuck up and find yourself more confused than Tom Cruise at a Chippendale’s if you don’t pay attention. The first third of the book is much different than the second third, but the last third brings everything together in a string of Ah-ha! moments. And then Koch brings everything home with a final, fitting twist. But, while this is, at its most basic, a literary thriller, its potency far exceeds that of other novels of its kind.
As always, Koch delivers on the nastiest details, but what I found startlingly hilarious was the description of M. I’ve seen interviews with Herman Koch, and I’m pretty sure he was describing himself. The unshaven face… the teeth… Koch is the kinda guy you imagine you can smell his breath through your computer screen, a sickly bitter aroma of old coffee and rotting food lurking at the gum line. In that sense, this book is quite meta. Here is Koch poking fun at himself while proving that, although he has his shortcomings, he’s much better than most authors on today’s bestsellers’ lists. It’s a bold statement. “I might be ugly and stinky, but I can do this one thing better than you.” Koch doesn’t have to tell us this, though. The work speaks for itself.
Yet I felt the burn of Koch’s dissection of writers, too. He riffs on the authors who’re “down to earth”, those authors who are open to personal contact from their readers, authors who are approachable. While I’ve always loved having a personal relationship with my readers, I gotta say, Koch is right. I’m still an asshole. Why? Because, by making myself easily accessible, I am, in a way, saying I am better than those authors who choose to keep their distance. “Well, at least I’m not like So-and-So. He won’t even return emails from fans. What a cockhead.” But is the detached author a cockhead? No, he’s not. Well, maybe he is, but being unapproachable doesn’t not automatically mean he’s a cockhead. He might simply be anti-social. Or perhaps he’s an asshole who realizes he’s an asshole and would rather be judged on his work than his demeanor. Such a person should be commended. At least I think so. I surely shouldn’t be placed above him just because I choose to make myself available to readers.
Man, but this book brought some stuff to light for me. Made me change the way I see how I might be seen, and I gotta say, I don’t care too much for my reflection. And isn’t that the best part of good literature? When it in some way big or small turns the mirror on ourselves and perhaps makes us reevaluate the way we perceive something?
Holy shit, this book is good. Fuck. It’s the kinda book that makes me less articulate. All I wanna do is cuss and bitch about how well written it is because, you know, I didn’t fucking write it.
Oh, and no worries. I’m not going to distance myself from you guys. But I think I might stop talking about how I feel about my own work. After all, it’s not my place. The books are published. They’re yours now. Who cares if I don’t like some of them? The only thing that matters is that some people do like them. And that should be enough.
In summation: All the rambling you’ve just read is brought to you by a guy who read a terrific book that changed the way he sees a few things. You might not have the same experience, and that’s okay. I, for one, loved everything about this novel. Dear Mr. M should be required reading for every author.
Final Judgment: A mirror that shows the parts of us we’d rather not be able to see.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1466130/dear-mr-m-review
September 10, 2016
1Q84 Review
Review:
Well, shit, it’s over. Took me three months to read this one, and after that last page, I want to start all over again. I got to know Aomame and Tengo in every way possible, and I will miss them like old friends.
1Q84 is the third longest book I’ve read, as far as page count is concerned. It is also one of the only books over a thousand pages that I’ve read which was not written by Stephen King. I plan on fixing that over the next year by reading Gone with the Wind and Alan Moore’s newest, Jerusalem, and any other 1,000-page motherfuckers I can find. Not too interested in fantasy novels, but I might throw The Wise Man’s Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss, in there too. We’ll see how the mood strikes me.
What should you know about 1Q84? Well, it’s a slow burn. It’s definitely not a page-turner. It’s literary fiction, so don’t expect action and fight scenes and too much in the way of straight-line plot progression. It’s magical realism, so expect to find some weird shit going down that people are overall okay with. Two moons in the sky? Why the fuck not. Exploding dogs? Okay then. Whatever you say.
Will you like it? See, that’s the question I cannot answer with any certainty. If most of you in my friends list asked me if you should read this book, I’d likely say no. It’s long and can be boring if you do not become invested in the characters like I did. I say that because you will learn every little detail about Aomame and Tengo, and you might not always be interested in their pasts.
I, however, loved every minute of this book. After two duds from Murakami (The Elephant Vanishes and Wind/Pinball… I guess that’s technically three duds…), 1Q84 was a welcome return to the style I fell in love with after reading After Dark and Norwegian Wood. However, you should definitely read a shorter Murakami book before reading this one. I can’t imagine anyone starting here. It would be like skipping the jungle gyms on the school playground and rushing straight for Mt. Everest.
This epic novel is broken up into three books. I believe that the original Japanese text was released in three completely different volumes. I never saw a clear ending point after book one, two, and three, so had I read these separately, I don’t think I would have liked them as much. I did find it fascinating that I could tell the difference between the first two books and the final book. Something felt… off, is the best way I can explain it. Then I read the copyright page at the back and I find that the first two books were translated by Jay Rubin, whereas the third book was translated by Philip Gabriel. To me, there is an obvious difference between these two translators, but, if asked, I could not put a finger on what made the experience different. Odd.
Murakami nails the opening and closing of the novel. At the beginning, you can feel the shift from 1984 into what Aomame comes to call 1Q84. The last time I felt so certain that I was in a different place was while watchingDisney’s Alice and Wonderland as a child. The cool part is that there isn’t much difference between 1984 and 1Q84, only this feeling that 1984 is the real world, and in 1Q84, anything goes.
In summation: This review will likely grow as I digest more of this stunning novel, but for now, this is what you’re getting. Air chrysalises and Little People and Sakigake and Buzzcut and Ponytail and Ushikawa and Aomame and Tengo are all part of my life now. I will never forget any part of 1Q84and I will definitely reread it on occasion. One of the best novels I’ve had the pleasure to experience.
Final Judgment: Magic.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1465369/1q85-review
September 2, 2016
August 31, 2016
Me: A Compendium Review
Three stars
This cute little book can be used to capture moments in your child’s life in their own words. The prompts are basic and not hard for a kid to understand, but I still feel they are a little blah. They ask what the kid’s favorite socks are and what their favorite thing to say is, but they do not ask why.
My daughter seems to like it well enough, but I think she’s a little to old for how basic it is. She’s eleven, and this book seems to be aimed at much younger kids.
Many thanks to Crown Publishing for the review copy. If you’re interested, you can buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Me-Compendium-...
August 25, 2016
The Con Season Review
Review: 
This is my first experience with Adam Cesare’s work. The Con Season has been on my radar since I voted for it on Kindle Scout. I’m a big fan of George C. Cotronis’s covers and can spot them at a thousand paces. It is a fact that I will buy anything with his graphic design work on it if for no other reason than I like supporting his work. “Why, yes, Virginia, I do judge books by their covers.” Then I found Adam Cesare’s YouTube channel and instantly became a fan of the guy. I like his attitude and his knowledge of the horror genre. That alone made me subscribed to him and stalk follow him everywhere I could.
The first thing about the book I will mention is the obvious love of the genre coming off every page like heat waves off desert tarmac. Adam Cesare knows his stuff and is one of the few that can pay homage without blatantly ripping off those who came before him. I dug everything about his killer, but mainly I was impressed that he did something new. Good on you, Adam. In a genre full of impersonators, you manage to stand out with your own designs.
Second, the writing, for the most part, is damn good. The book could’ve done with another proofread or two, because I found many errors early on. The book gets cleaner the deeper in I went, but toward the front, the typos and missing words came at me at least once every three pages. Around the 60% mark, I stopped noticing them, and trust me, I was looking for them, but only because I’d encountered so many early on. Many people think errors and typos are a product of bad writing, but that’s not the case. When I find an author who knows their stuff like Cesare knows his stuff, I tend to believe that multiple errors are a product of editing mishaps. So if you are overly sensitive to typos and the like, you might want to skip this book. That being said, you’d be missing a great story written by a lover of the genre.
Another complaint I have is, early on, around the time I was struggling with finding errors, I also came across what I considered to be filler. There was a lot of inner thought that did nothing for character development and felt like the author was padding to increase word count. I could be wrong, but that’s the way it felt to me.
I highlighted several sections of the books because I was impressed by Cesare’s writing. The paragraph about why chainsaws cause such a visceral reaction in us was exceptionally written. He managed to put into words something wordless. He caught a rare piece of magic with that paragraph, and I must say, I’m jealous. Damn impressed.
Final note: The ending felt a bit rushed for me what with how padded the beginning felt. He built up such a terrific scenario and then sprinted through the final pages. The epilogue actually made me angry. Could’ve done without it.
In summation: I will be reading Adam Cesare again.Tribesmen is on my radar, so I’ll probably be reading that one next. Likely with Janie C. And, yes, I like the cover.
Final Judgment: Great idea if a little inconsistent on the quality.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1456352/the-con-season-review
August 22, 2016
Lola Review
Review: 
2.5 stars rounded up to 3 because it’s only half bad.
Lola, by Melissa Love, reads like a television drama. If you’re a fan of shows like Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy, you should like this book. That being said, the book is not without its problems.
If you’re a medical professional of any kind, this book is likely to have you rolling your eyes or fuming more than half a dozen times. The medical inaccuracies were ludicrous and easily fixable. Nothing consulting a nurse wouldn’t have fixed. The problems are as follows (slight spoilers ahead):
#1. Character has finger cut off and reattached and contracts sepsis all under 24 hours. I was a CNA for five years, and during that time I was trained and became a certified phlebotomist. I drew plenty of cultures in those five years. Cultures, the tests used to diagnose sepsis, take 24-48 hours to grow results.
#2. The symptoms of infection take hours to develop. Even if they tested this character the minute he hit the ER, there’s no way he could have been diagnosed and admitted for sepsis because they would have had no reason to even check for sepsis.
#3. I’m sure there are shitty hospital employees out there who do not give a shit about HIPPA rules and regs, but who gives out a patient’s diagnosis and personal info to someone who’s only asking for a fucking room number?
To paraphrase:
Person: “Hey, I’m looking for so-and-so.”
Hospital personnel: “Right. He’s in room what’s-its-fuck and by the way they were able to reattach his finger and he was admitted because he has sepsis.”
Person: “Great. I’m so-and-so by the way.”
Hospital personnel: “Oh, cool. He’s been asking about you.”
If you’ve never worked for a hospital, none of this is going to bother you. Needless to say, it bothered the fuck out of me because I was enjoying the realistic feel of the book. It took me over half the book to get back into the story because I was pissed that the author couldn’t be bothered with simple fact checking.
Another thing that took me out of the story was zero mention of smog. It’s always clear blue skies and gorgeous vistas in this book. I lived in California for 15 years, was born and raised there. The sky always looked like a smoky bar unless the Santa Anas had blown through. This might sound like me being nit-picky, but not mentioning smog in a story set in southern California is like writing about Egypt without mentioning sand.
Finally, as far as accuracy is concerned, I’ve been a member of three different gyms in my life. None of them allowed you to keep items in their lockers overnight, much less for several days. That being said, some might. So I might be wrong, but I doubt it. Lockers in gyms are prime real estate, and I don’t believe any company would risk tying up lockers by giving them permanently to customers. Besides, they would eventually run out.
All of that killed my rating for this one. The story itself is a five-star read, as is the quality of the writing. A little more research would’ve made this a runner for my book of the year. I loved the characters, especially Lola and Lucy. If the author decides to write a sequel, I’ll definitely pick it up.
In summation: Lola is a terrific story that is well-written yet horribly researched. All of the problems in this book are easily fixable, but it didn’t seem like anyone wanted to be bothered with checking the facts. If you can ignore the impossiblities and inaccuracies, you should dig it, but my life-experience ruined the book for me. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC, which I received for free in return for the honest review you’ve just read.
Final Judgment: Donald-Trump levels of fact checking.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1455030/lola-review
Voting Time!
Vote for your favorite Tiny Terror tweet by clicking on the image below.
I’m one of the finalists, but please vote for your favorite.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1454893/voting-time
August 19, 2016
The Kite Runner Review
The problem with tragedy porn like The Kite Runner is that, at some point, it all becomes a little too much. We get it. Amir had/has a fucked up life wherein nothing goes right. The reader holds out hope that something good must be just around the corner because, surely, life cannot get any worse for this dude. Welp, if you think that while reading this book, you’d be dead wrong.
I did find the surprises engaging enough to keep reading, though. I never knew what new horror was right around the corner. Even though I knew that something horrible was always just over the horizon, I didn’t know what horrible shit would next befall this man. I was constantly shocked by just how bad life became for him and those around him.
I do feel like some aspects of the story were forced into existence, but those are spoilers, so I’ll save them for the Spoiler Discussion at the end. I explain my three-star rating in the Spoiler Discussion, as well.
Thanks to Quarter-Book Day at my local thrift store, I own all of this authors work. But, before I pick up another Hosseini novel, I need to be assured that not everything he does is tragedy porn. If it is, I’ll likely put off reading his other work until I’m in the mood to be depressed for a week. I don’t mind sad stories, but I need some kind of relief ever hundred pages or so.
In summation: Not much else to say about this debut novel. It was sad and sad and sad and then it was sad. There is one small fleck of light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s like finding a grain of diamond dust in a massive pile of elephant poop. You can dig through it if you want, and it might even be worth your time, but you’re still gonna come out feeling like shit.
Final Judgment: I need a shower and some weed.
Spoiler Discussion:
[spoiler]
The MC getting a split lip just like his dead friend had when he was a kid was a bit silly to me. Coincidences like that in books always seem forced. It took me out of the story. The ass whupping he took was plenty. No need for the forced scar. Up until that point, this felt like a true story, as if it could have been an autobiography, but after that scene, the author lost the real-life feel of the book and the novel felt overly fictional.
When Sohrab tried to kill himself at the end I just kinda rolled my eyes. I wanted the book to be over so badly at that point. I couldn’t take yet another fucking tragedy. I think that’s what drove my rating down to three stars.
If you’d like to continue the spoiler discussion in the comments below, please use spoiler tags. Thanks for joining me!
[/spoiler]
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1453513/the-kite-runner-review
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