Azra Tabassum's Blog, page 191
November 19, 2014
"Delete her number. Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by..."
“Delete her number.
Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.
Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.
She loves you.
She has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.
Forget her.
Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.
Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.
Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.
What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reachvout to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?
She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.
Right now.
But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later.”
- Lauren Hooper
Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.
Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.
She loves you.
She has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.
Forget her.
Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.
Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.
Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.
What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reachvout to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?
She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.
Right now.
But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later.”
- Lauren Hooper
"I have been homesick for you since we met."
“I have been homesick for you since we met.”
- The Avett Brothers
- The Avett Brothers
"I hope our ghosts aren’t eating you alive.
If I’m to speak for myself, I’ll tell you that
the..."
“I hope our ghosts aren’t eating you alive.
If I’m to speak for myself, I’ll tell you that
the universe is twice as big as we think it is
and you’re the only one that made that idea
less devastating.”
- Lucas Regazzi, excerpt from “Small” (via rustyvoices)
If I’m to speak for myself, I’ll tell you that
the universe is twice as big as we think it is
and you’re the only one that made that idea
less devastating.”
- Lucas Regazzi, excerpt from “Small” (via rustyvoices)
November 15, 2014
how can you pretend to be so sanctimonious? you wear your hijab and call yourself a muslim but in reality you're just doing the same things the rest of us girls who were raised muslim are doing- at least a lot of us don't identify with it or wear a hijab t
You know what irritates me so much about this message? It’s like, how can you be so egotistical and arrogant to think that you have the right to judge my relationship with God. If you wear the hijab and don’t believe then it’s not my place to judge. It’s not my place to say a word, I’m sure you’ll sort out where you wanna go on your own terms. But don’t you dare come strutting into my inbox and have the audacity to tell me how I feel about something. Who do you think you are? The morality fairy? Fuck off.
you're so soft, you're so soft mountains bow down for you and it's like you're telling them it's okay stand up I am no goddess but surprisingly you are. Such a tender loving soul I hope you don't tire it
thank you for how earnest this message is but i’m not a goddess i’m just a woman and i’m absolutely terrified that i’m going to mess it up
What should I do if someone tells me not to be so sensitive?
Tell ‘em to go fuck themselves. Don’t ever let anyone make you apologetic for the parts of you that are gentle.
"Maybe this is what it’s all about. You love a person for as long as you possibly can until you..."
“Maybe this is what it’s all about. You love a person for as long as you possibly can until you run out of love. You love them even when they don’t love you. And then you can leave, as quietly as you came, knowing that you gave all you had, knowing that you couldn’t have been any more than what you were and that it was pure, that it was full and that you were honest with it all.”
- Azra.T
- Azra.T
It didn't work out. We both wanted different things. Turns out, I wanted him and he wanted her.
Listen to me. Someday someone is going to see you and they’re never going to see anyone else ever again. You’re going to become every fucking light to ever touch their eyes. He wants her? Fine. That is fine. Make peace with it. And just you wait. You’ll meet a boy who loves you so very much every girl before you will be shadows.
"I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said..."
“I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest.”
- Azra.T “Don’t Wait Three Days to Text First.” (via tat-art)
- Azra.T “Don’t Wait Three Days to Text First.” (via tat-art)
November 14, 2014
Why am I so easy to hurt?
Because you are tender and that is the risk of being a tender thing.
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