Jay Earley's Blog, page 4

The Underminer Inner Critic and Inner Champion

We have identified seven types of Inner Critics and the Inner Champions that will help you with each one. This brief article discusses the Underminer. The Underminer Inner Critic tries to thwart your self-confidence and self-esteem. It wants to make sure you don’t take risks that it thinks are dangerous or try new activities where [...]

The Intimacy-Avoiding Quiz

My book Embracing Intimacy describes how to work through the Intimacy-Avoiding Pattern so you can have the love you want in your relationship. In writing this book, I identified six different ways that people avoid intimacy. You can take a quiz to determine which of these six types of Intimacy Avoiding you may have and [...]

The IFS Basic Class Can Now be Taken through a Downloadable Recording

Learn to use IFS by yourself and with others Develop a psychological practice for personal growth We offer classes on self-led Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) where you learn how to work on yourself using IFS and how to work together doing peer IFS counseling with other people. These classes are also useful for people [...]

How to Relate to a Distancing Partner

This is an excerpt from Embracing Intimacy that deals with what to do if your partner is avoiding intimacy. There are a number of constructive ways to relate to an Intimacy-Avoiding partner that will help the two of you move toward closeness. Avoid Triggering Your Partner’s Fears Read Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 to get [...]

Underlying Motivations for Avoiding Intimacy

If you have the Intimacy-Avoiding Pattern, it means that you block yourself from having the intimacy you want in a love relationship. This is often because of unconscious (or subconscious) fears. Here is a list of common underlying fears and other motivations that prevent closeness. Which might apply to you? Fear of Harm I am [...]

The Taskmaster Inner Champion

In our new book, we identify seven types of Inner Critics and also seven corresponding types of Inner Champions that you can develop for yourself. The Taskmaster Inner Critic tries to get you to work really hard or be very disciplined, and it judges or shames you for not working hard enough and questions your [...]

The Withdrawing Pattern

My new book Embracing Intimacy deals with the Intimacy-Avoiding Pattern and how to create greater intimacy in your relationships. Last week’s Newsletter contained an example of one kind of Intimacy-Avoiding, the Need-Denying Pattern. Here is another kind, the Withdrawing Pattern. You are intimate with your partner much of the time, but when your partner does [...]

Working with Suppressed Rage

My book Working with Anger in IFS helps therapists to understand how to work with various forms of anger using IFS. The following section from the book is a discussion of how to work with an enraged firefighter that is suppressed. Your goal is to get to know the enraged firefighter in a session. However, [...]

Intimacy Quiz

What are your psychological issues around intimacy? What are your areas of strength? The Intimacy Dimension of the Pattern System contains a number of patterns and healthy capacities that will help you understand where you stand. You can take a quiz by clicking here to give you a score for each pattern and capacity. There [...]

Embracing Intimacy: Making Love Come Alive in Your Relationship

I am excited to announce the publication of a new book Embracing Intimacy. It is now available in the Kindle format, with a paperback to follow. It is the first book in a new Pattern System Series, where each book deals with one pattern and healthy capacity. If your love relationship is lacking intimacy, this [...]