Christina Bauer's Blog, page 45
May 12, 2019
Hated YA Tropes
Recently, the lovely author and blogger Megan O’Russell has asked me to list My Top Five YA Topes I Love To Hate. (Honestly, she asked for ten but I got blabby, so it’s five.)
So with that prelude, behold my top five!
Hated Trope Number Five: Sleepy Stalker Syndrome
Because peeping at someone while they sleep is just fucking creepy.
This would be the dreaded boyfriend who sneaks in to watch the heroine while she snoozes. Eew!!! That’s not romantic, that’s just sick. Exception: If someone’s about to attack you and the guy waits outside the door while heavily armed. Welcome, stalker!
Now, on to trope number four…
Hated Trope Number Four: Insta-Powers
Being lazy is fine for a feline. But for a heroine? Not so much.
Here, I’m talking the heroine who has superpowers that she inherits without actually working at all to develop them. Take a class! Read a book! Something!
Let’s sashay over to trope number three…
Hated Trope Number Three: I’m not fighting, you’re fighting
Pretending you don’t see a fight or jump in and help is okay for a mime. That’s the only exception IMHO.
Whenever the heroine waits in a corner DOING NOTHING while someone else fights the big bad. The least you can do is cheer (“nice hit, honey!”) or throw something. Like a shoe. Everyone has a shoe.
Next up? Trope number two…
Hated Trope Number Two: How about an apology?
So I did something super shitty, but watch me wink instead of apologize!
This happens when the hero is a dick yet never apologizes for his douchebaggery. Maybe it’s just me. We all make mistakes, but we learn from our mommies to say we’re sorry.
And now: the dreaded trope number one!
:::drumrolls on tabletop:::
Hated Trope Number One: Ow, my foot!
Why do heroines trip when they run away from big bads? I suspect a banana peel conspiracy.
My number-one loathed trope of all time is the girl who trips and falls while running away from the big bad! Extra hatred if she can’t get back up for some reason!!! NO NO NO NO!!!
:::takes a deep breath and shakes it out:::
So there you have it; my most loathed YA tropes of all time!! Want to check out other blogs by yours truly? Click here.
The post Hated YA Tropes appeared first on Monster House Books.
May 5, 2019
Meet the Bloggers: ALIEN MINDS Tour!
Check out the bloggers, reviews and goodies below… You may just find your new favorite blog!
Week One
April 22nd
–Archaeolibrarian – I Dig Good Books! >> Review
–Valerie Ullmer | Romance Author >> Excerpt
–diary of a wannabe writer >> Review
–Phannie the ginger bookworm >> Review
April 23rd
–Am Kinda Busy >> Review
–Rockin’ Book Reviews >> Review
–Movies, Shows, & Books >> Excerpt
April 24th
–Brooke Blogs >> Excerpt
–The Cover Contessa >> Interview
–The Phantom Paragrapher >> Review
April 25th
–Lisa Loves Literature >> Excerpt
–Book-Keeping >> Review
–The Avid Reader >> Review
April 26th
–fundinmental >> Excerpt
–Smada’s Book Smack >> Review
–Buried Under Books >> Review
Week Two
April 29th
–Book Addict >> Review
–Jazzy Book Reviews >> Review
–Books a Plenty Book Reviews >> Review
April 30th
–Adventures in Writing >> Review
–Bookworm for Kids >> Review
–Bibliobibuli YA >> Guest post
May 1st
–Two Ends of the Pen >> Excerpt
–Mind of Luxe >> Excerpt
–The Book Junkie Reads . . . >> Excerpt
–NFReads >> Interview
May 2nd
–Wishful Endings >> Interview
–Haddie’s Haven >> Review
–Cheyenne Reads >> Guest post
May 3rd
–Jessica Rachow >> Review
–Teatime and Books >> Excerpt
To find out more about ALIEN MINDS, check out the title on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, iBooks or Googleplay!
The post Meet the Bloggers: ALIEN MINDS Tour! appeared first on Monster House Books.
May 1, 2019
5 More Days Of Kindle Unlimited
ANGELBOUND ORIGINS
About a quasi (part demon and part human) girl who loves kicking butt in Purgatory’s Arena
1. Angelbound
2. Lincoln (not included)
3. Scala
4. Acca
5. Thrax
6. The Dark Lands
7. The Brutal Time (not included)
8. Armageddon (already here, long story!)
ANGELBOUND OFFSPRING
The next generation takes on Heaven, Hell, and everything in between
1. Maxon
2. Portia
FAIRY TALES OF THE MAGICORUM
Modern fairy tales with sass, action, and romance
1. Wolves and Roses
1.5 Moonlight and Midtown
2. Shifters and Glyphs
BEHOLDER
Where a medieval farm girl discovers necromancy and true love
1. Cursed
2. Concealed
3. Cherished
4. Crowned
5. Cradled
The post 5 More Days Of Kindle Unlimited appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 28, 2019
Sample Chapter – SCALA Special Edition
Dear readers,
The data elves hath decreed some of my books need new back-end tracking numbers and thusly, I must deactivate the original SCALA and release a new version instead. Upon hearing this news, I decided to add a new epilogue to the book, because that’s how I roll.
Long story short, check out this epilogue preview from the special edition of SCALA. The new title releases in early May. I hope you enjoy the sample!
Christina
Lincoln and I stroll up the round drive to the Ryder mansion. Most of the time, my guy and I are either fighting big bads, kissing like crazy, or stuck spending time apart. Sharing a quiet walk like this one? Major treat.
I soak in the moment.
Grey skies arch overhead. Early morning dew glistens on the mansion’s white wooden exterior. More condensation drips off the emerald shrubs encircling the building’s base. The scent of cut grass fills the air.
Life is good.
We pause before the front door. Normally, my guy and I would be mobbed by now, mostly from quasis who want me to bless their goldfish or something. But it’s early a.m. and the mansion grounds are deserted. I give my guy the once-over, simply because I can. Lincoln’s in casual mode today, meaning he sports a black t-shirt, jeans and hefty boots. Meanwhile, I wear my white Scala robes and carry a leather satchel.
Key fact: Time was, you could never get decent handbags in Purgatory. Then I kicked the ghouls out and local shopping got crazy-better. Total victory bonus.
I ring the doorbell. Recently, the Ryders installed a fancy number that bongs to the tune of Some Enchanted Evening. It’s an odd choice, but the Ryders are all part lust demon. To them, using a hookup song as a doorbell makes sense. Seconds pass before a muffled voice sounds behind the wooden panel.
“Who goes there?”
Lincoln gives me the side-eye. “Is that … Zeke?”
“Yup.” On reflex, I pop the P-sound on the word’s end.
This sucks.
Here’s the deal. Cissy promised Zeke wouldn’t be around this morning. Sure, Lincoln is my fiancée, but it’s not like we’ve known each other for years. Plus, there’s already plenty of weirdness in my life: I’m a demi-goddess, Dad’s an archangel, and Mom’s President of Purgatory. And that list doesn’t even leave my immediate family. I’m in no rush to introduce my guy into my larger circle of strangeness.
Which mostly includes Zeke.
“Answer my question. Who goes there? I’m the Captain of the President’s Guard.”
“Maybe,” I correct. “Mom’s considering it.”
Which is true. That said, Mom will probably give Zeke the gig. Two reasons. First, Zeke stood by my mother when she faced Armageddon. Loyalty like that gets rewarded. Second, my bestie Cissy is killing it in the diplomacy department. That’s a huge help to the government in general, and to my mother in particular. There’s a catch, though. Cissy’s dating Zeke, who wants in on the military. Hence the guard thing.
I jingle the handle. “Open the door. We’re late for Cissy.”
“I need proof of identity,” states Zeke. “Give me the password.”
“Are you serious?” I throw up my hands. “No one told me you were guarding the door, let alone asking for passwords.”
Beside me, Lincoln toys with the hilt of his baculum. “Shall I ignite my long sword?” His eyes light up with a sly gleam. “It would slice through this wood like butter.”
“I heard that!” calls Zeke. “You didn’t say anyone was with you, Myla.”
I look to Lincoln. “Please don’t ruin the door. Zeke’s mom will call my mother in a nanosecond. Nothing but hideousness will result, trust me.” I jiggle the handle harder while yelling at the door. “Listen to yourself, Captain Man Candy! You just called me Myla. You know who I am. And I distinctly used the word ‘we’ when I said—and I quote—we’re late for Cissy. So obviously, someone’s with me. Now open up already.”
A drumroll of footsteps sounds from inside the house. At last, the door swings open. Inside the threshold, there stands Zeke in full purple body armor, complete with the crest of Purgatory’s New Republic on his bicep. Beside him stands a very red-faced Cissy in a purple skirt suit. She’s panting. No doubt, my bestie sprinted to the door.
“I’m so sorry,” says Cissy. To emphasize her worry, she wrings her hands. On anyone else, that move would look totally fake, but my bestie sells it like a pro. That’s why she’s so good at the diplomacy thing.
“It’s fine,” I say. And it is. Cissy’s working her ass off these days. So sweet of her to come by early just so Lincoln and I can bypass my worshippers. Sure, Walker gives my followers little projects to stay out of my hair, but Purgatory’s a massive place. There’s always someone who doesn’t get the memo, if you know what I mean.
Lincoln nods regally. “Greetings.”
“Hey, Lincoln.” Cissy turn to Zeke and freezes. She looks him over from head to toe. Twice. It’s as if she’s seeing her boyfriend for the first time this morning. Which is probably the case.
“You’re wearing body armor today,” says Cissy.
Zeke puffs out his chest. “It just came in. Official guard armor. Thought I’d try it on and practice, you know?”
I raise my hand. “Zeke was being totally annoying at the door. For the record, there’s no password system here.”
Cissy and Zeke ignore me because that’s what they do sometimes. Zeke arches his right brow. It’s what Cissy calls his ‘delicious’ look. He then gestures across his body armor. “So, what do you think?”
A long pause follows while Cissy says nothing. My bestie is like me in one respect. Both of us love ourselves a man in body armor. Cissy has dropped all pretense of hand-wringing and has segued completely into guy-ogling.
“I like it.” Cissy drags out the word like for like five seconds.
I clear my throat. “Cis.”
My bestie doesn’t even look in my direction. “Hmm?”
“We’re supposed to meet that Hanner guy,” I remind her.
Cissy stays in eye-lock with Zeke. “His name’s Herbie.”
“Right.” I make twiddle fingers at her and Zeke. “So the first step in the process is for the two of you to move backward so Lincoln and I can enter the mansion.”
“What?” Cissy blinks hard. “Oh, right.”
Together, Cissy and Zeke retreat into the reception area. Then they start ogling each other some more. Zeke’s eyes flare red. That means his lust demon is active.
Yipes.
There are some memories that are so disturbing, I’d like to burn them out of my brain. Many of them involve Cissy and Zeke making out. They’re just sloppy. Even thinking about it makes me shiver. Next my tail gets into the act. It arches over my shoulder to point at my face. The arrowhead end the wags from side to side, meaning no, no, no.
I couldn’t agree more.
Grasping Lincoln’s wrist, I yank him into the building, through reception and then straight down the hallway leading to the diplomatic wing. As we speed away, I call over my shoulder. “I know where, uh,” what’s that name again? It’s too stressful right now to remember, so I take a wild guess. “I can find Hanford on my own so … buh-bye!”
Lincoln narrows his eyes into what I call his contemplative face. This happens a lot when he asks me questions about quasi life. “I thought you were part lust demon.”
Suddenly I realize how I’ve lost some cool factor here. The Cissy-Zeke thing freaked me out. Releasing my vise-like grasp on Lincoln’s wrist, I force a more leisurely sashay-style pace down the hallway. “What do you mean?” I ask, very casually and with the utmost level of cool possible. Maybe.
“Cissy and Zeke are about to kiss.”
“Eew.”
“And there’s my question. Why would that be upsetting?”
Stopping, I fix Lincoln with my most serious stare. “Two words: spit strings.” I hold up my palms so they’re about three feet apart. “Of like, epic proportions.” Okay, that was six words, but hopefully my guy will get the idea.
And does he ever.
Lincoln’s face contorts into a look that can only be described as, disgusted. Little lines form between his eyebrows and everything. “You are a goddess among women,” he states solemnly. “Thank you for sparing me that sight.”
At this point, it’s worth noting that Lincoln did not even wince when we exploded Simia demons the other week. There were blue guts in our hair and everything. Therefore I find his reaction to the spit string situation to be totally validating.
“You’re welcome.” I grin. “Now let’s go talk to, uh, Hector.”
“It’s Herbie.”
My guy and the names. He’s a wizard when it comes to memory. Which is one of many reasons why I’m glad Lincoln’s here today. My eyes widen. In all the excitement between Zeke and Cissy, I’ve gotten distracted from the real purpose of our visit.
Meeting a key witness.
Getting evidence against Acca.
Then using said facts to lock Aldred up in his forever-jail.
Oh, yeeeeeeeeeah.
–End of Sample–
Watch for announcements on the new extended edition of SCALA in early May!
The post Sample Chapter – SCALA Special Edition appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 24, 2019
Christina Bauer in Kindle Unlimited Thru May 6th
Dear Readers,
THE SHORT VERSION: I have 15+ books in Kindle Unlimited through May 6th! Binge yourself nuts!!! A full list of titles-n-links are here: https://tinyurl.com/Bauer-KU
THE LONG VERSION: A recent Author’s Guild Survey shows a nasty 42% drop in writer income. Truth be told, I’ve felt the pinch as well. As a result, I’m trying new things such as changing who distributes my books. For the month of May, that will have a domino effect and:
– I’ll release special editions of my first six books, including a new novella in ANGELBOUND (more details here) Yay!
– You’ll lose all your preorders on May 6th. Boo! The books are still there, I swear!!! I’ll post more info as the date approacheth.
– I’m opting out of Kindle Unlimited, effective May 6th. Boo again, sorry!
This isn’t the first time I’ve ridden the ups and downs of being a writer. And honestly? Once I pass the ‘crying into my Cheerios’ stage, I get pissed off and enjoy the fight. So as of this moment, I’m officially in the ‘fuck you you fucking fuck’ phase and working the problem. It’s an adrenaline rush, which works well with my caffeine addiction.
So that’s it. As part of this process, I wanted to be clear with y’all about what’s happening and why. As always, huge thanks for your support. In the end, this will (hopefully!) mean more reality defying fantasy fun for all of us.
Now I’m off to kick some literary ass.
Christina
The post Christina Bauer in Kindle Unlimited Thru May 6th appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 23, 2019
New Release: ALIEN MINDS
TITLE: ALIEN MINDS, Dimension Drift #1
AUTHOR: Yours Truly
GENRE: Young Adult Science Fiction Romance (even if you don’t like science fiction, you will love this, I swear!)
AVAILABILITY: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / iBooks / Googleplay
GIVEAWAYS and GOODIES:
– Ye Olde Rafflecopter – http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/f7ec85e725/
– Get Prequel 1 SCYTHE for FREE: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / iBooks / Googleplay
– Get Prequel 2 UMBRA for $3.99: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / iBooks / Googleplay
About ALIEN MINDS
***DIVERGENT meets OCEAN’S EIGHT in this urban fantasy heist!***
On my seventeenth birthday, I wake up in the hospital to find I just survived a sketchy-but-terrible accident. My perfect-looking parents say I live an ideal life inside the Boston dome. And although my swoon-worthy guard, Thorne, looks totally familiar, he says we don’t have a history.
What a bunch of crap.
“This world is something I’ve never read before … then add in the spunk of our female lead character and the creative and out-of-this-world science and I’m hooked – 100% hooked!” – Bee’s Blog On Books
I don’t remember anything—not even my real name–but I can still tell when someone’s lying. From what I figure out, my dystopian overlords wiped my memory, leaving only my super science skills behind. Now, instead of expecting me to scream for revenge, the government demands that I build new tech that will launch an apocalypse against anyone who isn’t perfect.
So I nod. Say yes. And scheme to blow the whole thing up.
My memory may be gone, but my sass remains intact. I round up a team of teenage scientists to take down the nasty-ass government without getting ourselves killed. Only trouble is, I must accomplish all this while avoiding my growing attraction to Thorne, who may or may not be an alien. Something tells me that protecting my heart from my hottie guard might be the most dangerous adventure of all…
“Have you read the Dimension Drift series and fallen in love with the characters like the rest of us?” – Radioactive Book Reviews
The post New Release: ALIEN MINDS appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 20, 2019
Sample Chapter – Angelbound Special Edition
Dear readers,
The data elves hath decreed some of my books need new back-end tracking numbers and thusly, I must deactivate the original Angelbound and release a new version instead. Upon hearing this news, I decided to add a new wedding epilogue to the book, because that’s how I roll.
Long story short, check out this epilogue preview from the special edition of ANGELBOUND. The new title releases May 1. I hope you enjoy the sample!
Christina
Three weeks ago, I defeated Armageddon. Go me. Yet ever since that uplifting kickassery, there’s been an unexpected downside: hella boring dreams. As in, I spend all night eating kale. Looking for a lost shoe. Or even watching myself sleep.
Makes me want to poke out my dream-eyes with a fork.
But that’s not what’s happening tonight. Nope. Right now, my dream-self stands on the command deck of a starship.
Amazing, right? It gets better.
This isn’t just any space vessel, mind you, but the star cruiser Xenolith from my favorite human television show, Stellar One. In my dream, everything around me is crafted in silver and white. A dozen crew members stand poker-straight before long consoles. All of them wear matching silver onesies because that’s just how it works in space. And in the captain’s chair sits the Commander Starling. I spent my entire sophomore year obsessed with his battle tactics. Outside of TV-land, Starling is a human actor named Foster Reins.
Well, he used to be mortal.
A few years back, Foster choked on a tuna sandwich, died, and became a ghoul. But in my dreams, Foster is still one hundred percent alive: tall and pale with a swoosh of dark hair over his wide blue eyes.
Long story short, this is a good dream.
A massive viewport covers one wall of the command deck. Starling gestures in that direction. “Track Havoc activity,” he orders.
My dream-self claps. The Havoc are badass aliens. They aren’t demons, but not everything can be perfect.
The viewport flares to life, showing squat little humanoids in red luminescent armor. The Havoc. Which brings up a classic question for Stellar One fans. Why wear armor that makes you glow crimson? It’s totally unhelpful when trying to stay not-dead in battle. For the record, I’m one of the fans who say, relax, it’s a TV show.
“Cease displaying the Havoc,” calls Starling. The viewport turns dark once more. My shoulders slump. Too bad the Havoc fun is over. That said, Starling’s next command makes up for the lack of glowing aliens.
“Show me Myla Lewis!” he cries.
My dream-self grins. Suh-weet. Me time.
The viewport brightens again. This time, it shows me in my Scala robes at the Great Summit, aka the big meet-up after I kicked Armageddon’s ass. My goal for this event? Return Purgatory to self-rule. The view screen shows a scene from the meeting-a-thon in the Ryder ballroom. At this point, it’s just me, the Ghoul Oligarchy and go time. All during the summit, these four undeadlies tried to kill self-rule for my people.
This little chat is no exception.
“We cannot leave Purgatory,” hiss the Oligarchy in unison. “Quasis are not ready to govern themselves.”
View Screen Me huffs our a breath. “Only because you ordered your minions to hide all the files and stuff.” We don’t yet have computers here in Purgatory, so this is a huge deal. “Honestly. I sleep for a few days after fighting the King of Hell and what do you guys do? Lock up all the bureaucratic everything. Not okay.” I also suspect they’ve left some crap around to screw with my Scala powers, but one thing at a time.
“Many quasis have begged us to stay,” counter the Oligarchy. “We only wish to heed their requests.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “We’ve been over this, guys. Soon the quasis will vote on referendum Q8-29. My people can then decide whether to restart our old republic—”
“With your mother as president,” interrupt the Oligarchy. They totally hate Mom, by the way. Mostly it’s because she won’t put up with their crap. What can I say? It runs in the family.
“No kidding,” I counter. “She’s the only one who wants the job.” The rest of Purgatory’s too scared of the Oligarchy. Not that I’ll admit that part out loud.
“Your people may also vote to maintain their ghoul overlords.”
“It’s possible,” I allow.
In one fluid movement, the Oligarchy lift their bony chins. “See? Even you agree.”
“I did not agree.” I raise my pointer finger. “What I said is that it’s possible. Don’t bet on it, though.”
Outside the ballroom, voices raise in the hallway. Everyone’s waiting for the Oligarchy’s word on the referendum. Even The Eternal Times is out there. Sadly, if we don’t get this vote scheduled, it may never happen. For the last twenty years, my people have been taught to do whatever the ghouls order. We quasis must start thinking for ourselves, pronto. This referendum is key.
Moving in tandem, the Oligarchy shake their heads. I suppress a shiver. It’s so creepy when they do stuff in unison. “We must respect the true wishes of the quasi people,” declare the Oligarchy. “We refuse to allow the vote.”
Which they can. Mostly because they hid all the voting machines.
Anger shoots through my limbs. On reflex, my tail arcs over my shoulder. Battle mode. For days, I’ve been holding back from going nuclear on these clowns. After all, I’m a demi-goddess now. I must act more mature. But it’s been a long week of talking in circles.
Welcome to superpower time.
“Listen to me carefully,” I say in a low voice. “We’ll open these doors and announce that the vote will happen. Otherwise, Armageddon gets a one-way ticket out of Hell.”
Key fact: I’ll never release Armageddon, but the Oligarchy don’t know that.
Lifting my arm, I summon a few dozen igni to materialize around my hand. For a moment, nothing happens. Then I hear the muted voices of my igni singing. It’s music only I can hear, and it means they’re coming to the rescue. A moment later, small bolts of power dive and swirl about my palm.
The Oligarchy gasp in unison. I won’t lie; that’s pretty satisfying.
When I next speak, I make sure that my eyes flare demon red. “I have had it with you guys. If you weasel out of this vote, I will release Armageddon, zip up to Heaven, hang out on a cloud, and leave you down here to manage the shit-show on your own. The King of Hell hates you guys. As in loooooooooathes. He’ll roast you for all eternity while I watch the barbeque.” I lower my voice to what I like to call, lethal level. “Just try me.”
The four ghouls share a long look before slowly bowing their heads. “In that case, we agree to the referendum.”
I’ve heard this before. “And where are the voting machines?”
“Hidden in the tunnels under Purgatory’s Arena.”
I purse my lips. That’s a really good hiding place, actually. “Good. Let’s go chat up the press.” And then I’ll find my buddy Walker and have him reclaim those voting machines. Walker’s awesome like that.
Back in my dream, I stare at the viewport and sigh. Single-handedly forcing the Oligarchy to support the vote was fun. Dragging over a space-age swivel chair, I plunk my dream-butt down. If I had some demon bars and a remote, this could be sophomore year of high school again. Hitching my right leg over the chair’s arm, I lean back and wait for more me-related ghoul ass-kicking to appear onscreen. That’s not what happens. Instead the viewport blinks out. Everything darkens. A chorus of strange voices reverberate across the command deck.
“Great Scala,” says one. “Come out!”
“Bless my kitten,” adds another.
“Show us your igni,” cries a third.
Crap on a cracker. These voices are not part of the Stellar One show. Sadly, my daytime reality is shoving its enormous ass into my dream life. Grr. A moment later, the command deck vanishes. I’m back in my mangy bedroom, tangled in my covers. Sitting up, I peep through my curtains to scan behind my one-story ranch house. In the misty pre-dawn light, my back lawn lies covered with a sea of strangers. Young. Old. All different kinds of skin colors and tail types.
My worshippers. Still here. Ugh.
I scan the crowd. There’s an old dude with a cane, top hat, and a salamander’s tail. A little kid with freckles who jumps in a mud puddle. I even spy an old lady in a purple tracksuit. Everyone stands a few yards from my window. I frown.
That’s not right.
Where are my guards, anyway? I can’t see much through the break in the curtain. Even so, there’s no sign of the thrax warriors that Lincoln sends to protect me. Normally, my guards stand about five yards away from the house, constantly enforcing a little policy I like to call, no lookie no touchie.
A moment later, a wrinkled face pops into my line of vision. It’s the old lady in the tracksuit. “Great Scala, there you are. I need you to sign my armpit.” Her voice carries easily into my room. No surprise, there. The walls of my house are paper-thin.
My mouth falls open with surprise. “You need what?”
“Your signature on my armpits,” she says slowly. “So I can get the letters tattooed.”
This is too much. I almost don’t want to know the answer, yet I can’t help but ask. “And why would you do that?”
“The tattoos will siphon off your powers. Then I can fly around, superhero-style.”
“Huh.” And that’s all I can say.
Ever since I became the Great Scala, a shit-ton of crazy beliefs have sprouted up overnight. People think I can heal their pets or predict the future. Not to mention all the new businesses. There’s a fresh cosmetics line called The Myla Look. Plus, there’s the Scala Girl brand of clothing, shoes, hair products and snack foods. I don’t get any money out of it—that’s how things work in Purgatory. Whatever. The only time I get involved is when I fake-sponsor something crappy, like the Myla Loves Ghouls calendar. I killed that thing, fast.
But empowering quasis to fly via armpit tattoos? That’s a shocker.
All of a sudden, the tracksuit lady steps away. Her face becomes replaced by one of Lincoln’s guards, Harvey, a doughy guy with a round face, button nose and big ears. He’s also a sweetheart and total goofball, which is why he’s my fav.
“Sorry about that,” says Harvey. “She got past us.” No question who she is in this scenario: tracksuit grandma.
“What happened?” I ask.
“We saw what looked like a fire demon.”
Memories from my dreams appear. “Wait. Was it a little round being in glowing red armor?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“That’s a quasi kid who’s dressed up as one of the Havoc, aka the meanie aliens from Stellar One.”
Harvey frowns. “Stellar what?”
“It’s only the biggest human television show in the history of ever.”
“Television.” Harvey nods slowly. “I’ve seen those technology boxes while on demon patrol.” He tilts his head. A mischievous gleam shines in his mismatched eyes. “Are you in danger?”
And here is why Harvey’s my fav. His question is actually code for, do you want me to call Lincoln? It’s been way too long since I saw my guy, so I nod. “I’m in total and serious danger.” Most guards would never push the rules for me, but Harvey’s a softie.
Reaching into the pocket of his body armor, Harvey pulls out a purple paperclip and snaps it in two. A pouf of violet smoke balloons into the air above his palm. That’s because Harvey wasn’t really holding a paperclip. Nope. That thing is a thrax magic charm, and seeing those in action never gets old. In this case, Harvey’s charm alerts a messenger to hit Antrum and find my guy. Nice.
Harvey clicks his heels and bows slightly. “Back to duty.”
“See ya, Harvey.”
Fresh voices sound from inside my house. This time it’s Mom, and does she ever sound pissed.
“How dare he?” calls my mother.
Yipes. That’s not Mom’s “you’ll be late for school” level of worry. Something is seriously wrong. Pulling off my covers, I slip on a robe and head for the kitchen.
This ought to be good. Or, considering how my life typically goes, epically bad.
–end of sample–
Releases May 1. Live to preorder on:
– Amazon – http://tinyurl.com/abspecialkindle
– And GooglePlay – http://tinyurl.com/Abspecialgoo
The post Sample Chapter – Angelbound Special Edition appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 18, 2019
New VLOG: Madame Gaston Sing Along
My latest VLOG is live! It shows my boy and I singing Madame Gaston. He does the very important ‘puh’ noise after I sing ‘nah nah naaaaaah.’ My son is on the autism spectrum. I am an embarrassing Mom-slash-goofball 
April 14, 2019
New Wedding Epilogue In ANGELBOUND Special Edition
An Angelbound special edition is coming in May, along with special editions of Scala, Maxon and Portia … as well as Cursed & Concealed (from the Beholder Series) !!!
Here’s the deal. I’m changing my distribution partner in May and that means killing the product codes (what we call ISBNs) on my first six books. As in, those original six VANISH. Well, as we say in software, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” So I decided that if I have to re-release those titles I might as well make it awesome. As a result, I wrote new epilogues for the following:
– Angelbound – Xavier and Camilla’s wedding
– Scala – extra content from Lincoln’s POV because everyone loves LINCOLN!!!!
– Maxon – big reveal on Maxon and Lianna’s future family on particular and the elemental world in general
– Portia – Honeymoon!!! (insert porn guitar riff, bow-chicka-bow-BOW)
– Cursed – extra scene with Elea and Rowan
– Concealed – another extra scene with Elea and Rowan (because you really can’t have too much Elea and Rowan)
And all this stuff is launching in May because that’s when the old product codes die. Am I sleeping much? No. Are you going to freaking love the new epilogues? I certainly hope so!
It’s taking me a bit to learn my new system, so of the six, I only have the Angelbound special edition preorder live on:
– Amazon – http://tinyurl.com/abspecialkindle
– And GooglePlay – http://tinyurl.com/Abspecialgoo
BONUS – I am also doing a box set of all the extra content for power readers, so you don’t need to re-order all the books. (See the box mock-up below!) This was a SUPER AWESOME idea from readers and thank you!
Stay tuned for more updates …
The post New Wedding Epilogue In ANGELBOUND Special Edition appeared first on Monster House Books.
April 13, 2019
SCYTHE is FREE for a limited time!
– Amazon
– Barnes & Noble
– Kobo
– iBooks
– and Googleplay!
MORE ABOUT SCYTHE
“OMG, this was absolutely amazing! Meimi is badass, brilliant, and snarky… And the setting! The world described is very dark and technically advanced with super interesting sciency stuff, aliens, and tons of mystery.” – Diary of a Wannabe Writer
I’m Meimi Archer, your regular high school science geek for hire. Sure, it’s dangerous to create high-tech gizmos for a criminal overlord called the Scythe, but I do what I have to in order to keep Mom and me safely off-grid. Ever since the Authority took over the United Americas, you either live inside a domed city (where you’re watched 24-7) or you scrape by on illegal money and hide out in the sticks. Guess what category I fall into?
Long story short, everything’s fine until I screw up a job. Badly. My home slips into two-dimensional space-time. It only lasts for a few seconds, but the move still sets off about a dozen government alarms. If they track me down, Mom and I are good as dead. Long story short, I need to pay someone off, hide the evidence, and keep us safe. Fast.
That’s when a hottie named Thorne materializes in my kitchen. He’s about my age, wears black body armor, and says he came to “this version of Earth” from another planet. We share a bizarre mind-meld moment before he vows to do anything that ensures I survive.
Hey, I’ll take all the help I can get. Plus, Thorne has dimples…
“This kept me on my toes … Be it random science, opening portals to new dimensions, evading capture, doing shady deals with crime bosses, betrayal, the humdrum of school with Lead Camper Dave (snicker), to hot (alien) man-candy sent to help save the day. Pick this up and expect to get sucked in to the Dimension Drift.” – Smada’s Book Smack
ALSO IN THE SERIES:
UMBRA (Prequel 2) – Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / iBooks / Googleplay
ALIEN MINDS (Book 1) – Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / iBooks / Googleplay
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