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Christina Bauer's Blog, page 44
June 25, 2019
QUASI REDUX Cover Reveal!
This is the new Myla-Lincoln adventure for next fall, and it’s JANE EYRE meets IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE! Live for preorders on GoogleBooks.
Description
Myla Lewis has her life back. Wife. Mother. Great Scala. Queen of the Thrax. Yay! Then our heroine runs across a supernatural waterfall that makes her igni screech like crazy, causing Myla to speak the fateful words: some days, I wish I weren’t the Great Scala.
The waterfall grants her wish.
A moment later, Myla is back at Purgatory High. No husband. No child. No powers beyond her old quasi days. And without Myla around as the Great Scala, all quasis now live under Armageddon’s rule. That sucks. Hard. So Myla sneaks into Antrum—she simply must find Lincoln and figure this out. Once she arrives, two problems arise.
First, her husband doesn’t know her. At all.
Second, Lincoln is married to someone else.
Fuuuuuuu…
The post QUASI REDUX Cover Reveal! appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 23, 2019
THAT DAY I SMELLED SO GOOD – a poem by Ruby the Dog
THAT DAY I SMELLED SO GOOD
by Ruby the Dog
I shall never forget that day
That amazing, unbelievable day when I smelled sooooooooo good
The humans took me on a boat ride to Salem, Massachusetts
I got off the shaky-wierd water car and walked on my leash like a good little girl.
But then…
There was a great green field
And no one around
Mmmmmm, summer
I was so excited.
Watch me jump! Jump, jump, JUMP!
Hear my short, happy barks! Ruff! Ruff!
The man-human took pity on me and let me off my leash
I raced across the field, just as the humans expected
But then, at the end of the green, there was a small beach
And the water there was at…
LOW TIDE.
Ah, the lovely piles of muckity muck all around!
How I rolled in them, sniffed them, barking my joyous song of stink!
The humans were too afraid to wade through the gunk and get me
Oh, what fools they were to miss this fun.
Then I met Fishy, my little dead scaly friend.
Shall we play together, fishy fish? May I roll on you?
Thank you, don’t mind if I do.
WEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hey, there’s your eye!
Finally, the man-human offered me a pizza bone
So I left Fishy behind and accepted servitude on my torturous leash
The humans had to wait for hours until the next boat ride back home and to the inevitable bathtub
But until then, I was the greatest-smelling doggie in the universe!
How the other dogs envied my stench
My walk was a saunter, a prance, a dance of elation
For one glorious afternoon, I was ultimate in putrid dog.
Oh yes, that was my day
The low-ride day
The day I smelled sooooooooooo good.
The post THAT DAY I SMELLED SO GOOD – a poem by Ruby the Dog appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 16, 2019
PORTIA Special Honeymoon Edition – June 25th
Dear Readers,
So excited to share some news: the new PORTIA special edition with its honeymoon epilogue launches on June 25th! The extended book will help to set up the stories of ZINNIA, KAPS and HUNTRESS, the next three books in the Angelbound Offspring series. In the extended edition, we get a deeper look into Tempest’s realm, Furonium, as well as the ongoing (and very yucky) legacy of his father, Chimera.
Plus, we get to find out more about dragon culture. Since Furor are masters of lust and wrath, they don’t focus on weddings so much as honeymoons. Tempest leaves it up to Portia as to when she wants to start the physical side of the relationship. In this epilogue, Portia starts that side and how.
Note: There will be a big launch for all my new special editions (including ANGELBOUND, SCALA, MAXON and more) in September. However, I got so much excitement for this one, I thought I’d promote it a little early!
PORTIA SPECIAL EDITION: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / Apple Books / Googleplay
ZINNIA SPECIAL EDITION: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Kobo / Apple Books / GooglePlay
The post PORTIA Special Honeymoon Edition – June 25th appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 12, 2019
The QUASI REDUX Raffle Is Here!
BONUS: you can also cut and paste this URL into your browser: https://tinyurl.com/winthis1
About QUASI REDUX
Myla Lewis has her life back. Wife. Mother. Great Scala. Queen of the Thrax. Yay! Then our heroine runs across a supernatural waterfall that makes her igni screech like crazy, causing Myla to speak the fateful words: some days, I wish I weren’t the Great Scala.
The waterfall grants her wish.
A moment later, Myla is back at Purgatory High. No husband. No child. No powers beyond her old quasi days. And without Myla around as the Great Scala, all quasis now live under Armageddon’s rule. That sucks. Hard. So Myla sneaks into Antrum—she simply must find Lincoln and figure this out. Once she arrives, two problems arise.
First, her husband doesn’t know her. At all.
Second, Lincoln is married to someone else.
Fuuuuuuu…
Launches Fall 2020
The post The QUASI REDUX Raffle Is Here! appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 9, 2019
Three Signs You’re A Paranormal Heroine
Well, maybe it is. Now you can find out if you’re really the protagonist in a paranormal romance. How? Simply check the list below.
We’ll start with subtle sign number one…
Hot new guy in school and he’s totally obsessed with you? Watch out.
Subtle Sign #1
The new, intelligent, sensitive, and ripping-hot guy at school takes an interest in girls in general, and you in particular. Beware! In other words, check for sparkly skin, webbed feet, or pointy ears.
Now let’s move on to a more obvious signal…
Strange happenings like flying away with balloons? Major red flag.
Basic Giveaway Sign #2
Weird shizz starts happening around you. Things spontaneously appear or disappear. Glass breaks. Lighting fixtures inexplicably explode. You grow fur. Balloons become a reasonable transportation device. Pro tip: save yourself some time and accept the paranormal truth sooner rather than later.
With that, let’s hit our final sign…
Mom wears a pointy hat? Dead giveaway…
Absolutely Obvious Sign #3
And now for the clincher: Any signs that one of your parents is actually an elf, witch, werewolf, or vampire? Classic warnings include the lack of aging, no need for food, disappearance at the full moon, fangs and/or a strangely-twitching nose. Snoop around a little bit, you might find something. NOTE: if your Mom is dead, then you’re the heroine of a Disney story.
Better learn how to sing, pronto.
The post Three Signs You’re A Paranormal Heroine appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 5, 2019
Strange Shit Ahead
Dear Readers,
Some strange shit is on the horizon of Christina Bauer Bookland. Starting today, you may notice odd things when it comes to pre-orders, book availability and other stuff. Not sure how much of it will result in emails from retailers, but I wanted to give you a heads-up.
Why This Is Happening
I’m changing distributors, aka the people who deliver my paperbacks and ebooks to retailers. Simply put, this is causing a cluster fuck. It should all be fixed by the end of June (in time for Angelbound ZINNIA’s July release!) In other words, I’ll soon be consistently represented once more on Amazon, Apple Books, GooglePlay and all your favorites … but for a few weeks things may appear and disappear online, if that makes sense. The change also means that some of my early books also need new IDs/product codes, so I’m creating special editions!
Special Editions
Again, I’m losing some of the product codes (what we call ISBNs) for a bunch of my early titles, which means they will vanish from most retailers. After a freaking out for a while, I decided to make this a positive and release special editions of the following:
– Angelbound – with a new wedding epilogue
– Scala – now has an extended epilogue
– Armageddon – will have an extra appendix of goodies
– Maxon – now has a wedding epilogue
– Portia – will get a honeymoon epilogue
– Beholder Cursed & Concealed – will each have extra appendix of goodies
– Special Edition Box Set (coming in Sept) – will have ALL the special edition content in one place so you don’t have to re-buy everything if you don’t want to
You May Lose Your Preorders
Another side affect of this change is that you may lose your preorders (both print and ebook) for a bunch of titles. The books aren’t gone, I swear!!! I’ve created special editions of the upcoming books so you can find them quickly where possible. When the title is not showing on retailers anymore, that’s because the release date is now too far in the future for me to set up pre-orders, and-or I’m not sure when the release date will be (yet). This affects:
– Zinnia. New preorders now live
– The Brutal Time. New preorders now live
– Xavier. On hold for now. I’m reworking release schedules
– Slippers and Thieves. New preorders now live
– KAPS, Huntress, ECHO Academy and every other preorder title (other than Xavier) will have preorders live soon.
Print Titles Will Return in July
I’ll be using a new vendor for print as well. Look for those books to be available in July with better formatting, covers and other good stuff. I’ll announce a specific launch date for everything in July.
Audiobooks Are Unaffected
All my audiobooks are not affected at this time. The plan is still to release THE DARK LANDS this summer in audio format with yours truly as narrator.
Other Stranger Things May Happen
If you notice something odd in the next month, please let me know! I haven’t done this before, so I’m bound to hit some snags. If you’re wondering WTF is going on, I’m sure it’s bothering another reader as well. Feel free to email me at cbauer (at) monsterhousebooks.com with comments, questions and concerns.
FINAL DISCLOSURE: This could all be a big nothing and you don’t notice any changes. Who knows?
Thanks for reading, caring and being you!
Christina
The post Strange Shit Ahead appeared first on Monster House Books.
June 2, 2019
My ALIEN MINDS Playlist
When I’m writing, I obsessively listen to the same songs.
Over and over.
Four hours and hours and hours.
My most recent release, ALIEN MINDS, is no exception. Most of the time, I don’t know why I hook into a particular tune until the book’s over. Now that ALIEN MINDS has been released for more than a month, I thought it might be a good time to review the music that helped write it.
Who knows? You might find a new fav song. I’ll start with a classic band, the Stone Roses…
Love Spreads by the Stone Roses
“Let me put you in the picture, let me show you what I mean. The messiah is my sister, ain’t no king man, she’s my queen.”
In ALIEN MINDS, we have an intergalactic prince, Thorne, who thinks he’ll never be fortunate enough to find his transcendent (the girl he loves through so many parallel realties, their bond bleeds into his current universe.) This song captures the feeling he has when our guy meets a certain Meimi Archer.
Say it with me: awwwwwwwww!
Now onto a newer band, the X Ambassadors…
Renegades by X Ambassadors
“All hail the pioneers.”
Both Meimi and Thorne love to build new tech and this song celebrates makers everywhere. Go STEM!
I’ll now segue onto one of my fav bands of all time…
Zero by Imagine Dragons
“Hello, hello … let me tell you what it’s like to be a zero.”
Almost every time I write a book, I end up obsessing on a fresh Imagine Dragons song. This time, it was Zero. Thorne is the kind of guy who’s very open about his limitations … yet he never gives up. This song really captures that spirit for me.
Time for a more romantic tune…
I Will Wait by Mumford & Sons
“I will wait, I will wait for you.”
Without giving away too much, I’ll just say that this song is all about Thorne. Read the book and you’ll know what I mean!
I’ll end with a lot of hair and an 80’s classic …
Hazy Shade of Winter by The Bangles
“Look around, leaves are brown, and the sky is a hazy shade of winter.”
Much of ALIEN MINDS takes place in a future version of Boston, MA that is a hot dystopian mess. This song really captures that spirit. Plus, it’s an all-chick rock song, so YEAH.
I hope you enjoyed these tunes. I’m now back to a new book and related song list!
The post My ALIEN MINDS Playlist appeared first on Monster House Books.
May 26, 2019
Heroes: My Top Five Swoon-Worthy Qualities
Recently, I listed list my fav qualities in a swoon-worthy hero for the lovely folks at Radioactive Book Reviews. So without further ado, behold my top five!
Let’s begin with swoon-worthy quality number five… passion!
It’s time for pictures of kisses, yay!
Number Five: Passion
When it comes to true romance, a namby-pamby love simply won’t do. A great example here is Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Let’s take a peek at our intense hero in action, shall we?
“If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn’t love as much in eighty years as I could in a day.”
Boom. That’s passion.
Now let’s sashay over to quality number four… honesty.
Placing your heart in your hands; now that’s honesty.
Number Four: Honesty
Being swoon-worthy is more than passion, though. I like my hero to be truthful as well. Who has a better moral compass than Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice? No one, I tell you.
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
Ah, Mr. Darcy!!! Let’s segue next to quality number three… respect.
To me, respect means treating everyone as valuable.
Number Three: Respect
By this, I mean that the hero values his lady as a true partner in more than the bedroom. Not sure what I mean? Check out this quote from Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.
“I have for the first time found what I can truly love—I have found you. You are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel. I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my center and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.”
That’s what a great love does: changes each person and makes them better.
Now on to number two… sass!
This guy has both sass and that special ‘mwah-hah-hah’ air.
Number Two: Sass
I like a hero who spends his time doing other things than being noble, honest or passionate. Give me a guy who can mouth off with the best of them! Here’s another great example from Jane Austen. This time, I’ll quote from Emma:
[Emma] “To be sure – our discordancies must always arise from my being in the wrong.”
[Mr. Knightley] “Yes,” said he, smiling, “and for good reason. I was sixteen years old when you were born.”
“A material difference, then,” she replied; “and no doubt you were much my superior in judgment at that period of our lives; but does not the lapse of one-and-twenty years bring our understandings a good deal nearer?”
“Yes, a good deal nearer.”
Bah-DUM-bum. There’s a clever double entendre with the ‘nearer’ line, but Emma doesn’t catch on until later. Like I said, sass.
And now for item number one… MORE PASSION!!!
Because if you’re kissing and holding fireworks in a post-apolocalytpic setting, then that’s EXTRA passionate.
Number One: More Passion
This belongs on the list two times because PASSION! In this case, I’ll use a line from my new book Lincoln because he’s one intense and swoon-worthy dude:
Myla turns to face me and I could cheer for joy. Up close, she’s even lovelier than I imagined. Life and light glitters in her brown eyes. My arms ache to envelop her. Her scent—cinnamon and sunshine—envelops me.
“I’m fine,” she says simply. “I dropped something, that’s all.”
We pause. Lines of energy and interest flow between us, connecting our hearts.
No, no, no. This isn’t supposed to happen.
And it means I should definitely leave.
And I want to.
Yet I can’t.
So there you have it, my top five swoon-worthy qualities. Like how I pontificate about stuff? Check out my full blog by clicking here!
The post Heroes: My Top Five Swoon-Worthy Qualities appeared first on Monster House Books.
May 19, 2019
Why Write Myla?
The lovely folks at My Fiction Nook recently asked me to list my top five highlights of writing Myla Lewis, the heroine of ANGELBOUND (Honestly, they asked for ten but I got blabby, so it’s five.)
So with that prelude, behold my top five!
Myla Item Number Five – Myla Makes Up Names
Myla and names are a joy to write.
I love how Myla sucks with names and just makes up words for people. Example: she’d probably call me Sleepy Grouchy Writer at this point. By contrast, her love interest Lincoln has a mind like a steel trap. He makes a point to remember everyone’s name because, although he’s a prince, he firmly believes that every person in his realm is important. Say it with me … awwww!
Now For Item Number Four: Myla’s Swearing
When talking about writing Myla, you know the topic of swearing is coming up…
Myla fun-swears. This is a different than just having a potty mouth, in my humble opinion. Anyone can say ‘fuck you.’ Myla says stuff like, fuuuuuuuck … hells bells … or my favourite, fuck fuck fuckity FUCK fuck. She gets many a chance to swear in my new book, LINCOLN, especially at the end. Huzzah!
Now For Item Number Three: Myla’s Made-Up Words
Making up new terminology is part of the fun of writing Angelbound…
Myla makes up words. Actually, this goes beyond Myla. I make up the words in all my books. Language just doesn’t do what I need it to sometimes. So, I’m a big fan of terms like scooch, window-hole, and dragonscale. They blow up my spell checker, but as Myla would say, meh.
With that, let’s sashay over to Item Number Two: Myla’s Word World
Words + Myla = Fun Worlds
Myla has her own word-world, which is another thing I do in many books. Here’s the thing. There’s often a fear of dating your writing with slang. But that’s only if your writing SUCKS. Think about Bugs Bunny. They wrote that shit decades ago and it still feels fresh. In my opinion, that’s because it was created by a bunch of guys working in the equivalent of a shipping container on the back of the Warner Studio lot. They weren’t pulling shtick out of the air or someone else’s world. It was consistent to their own ethos, and it still makes people laugh today. In my opinion, if you don’t have enough confidence to build your own idiom, then you have bigger problems than using slang in your writing.
And Now, Item Number One: Voice
When it comes to Angelbound, writing is all about the feels…
Four words: first person, present tense. I want my words to reach out through the page, grab you, and make you feel. Life is an adventure, dammit! That’s not everyone’s cup of tea, which I totally get. But then again, it’s also why I have the best readers in all of recorded history. No exaggeration.
So there you have it: my top five highlights of writing Myla. Want more fun? Check out the links below:
– Five Highlights of Myla & Lincoln
The post Why Write Myla? appeared first on Monster House Books.
May 15, 2019
New Cover Reveal – Sign Ups Live!
Sign up today to join the cover reveal for the next Myla-Lincoln adventure — QUASI REDUX!
Basically, it’s a mash-up of It’s A Wonderful Life and Wonder Woman. Only Myla could probably kick Diana Prince’s ass, but (hopefully!) you get the idea.
Here’s the magical URL to register … and be sure to scroll down for the book description!!!
https://tinyurl.com/quasi-reveal
About QUASI REDUX
Myla Lewis has her life back. Wife. Mother. Queen. Great Scala. Queen of the Thrax. Yay! Then one day, Myla runs across a supernatural waterfall that makes her igni screech like crazy. Our heroine speaks the fateful words: some days, I wish I weren’t the Great Scala.
The waterfall grants her wish.
A moment later, Myla is back at Purgatory High. No husband. No child. No powers beyond her old quasi days. And without Myla around as the Great Scala, all quasis now live under Armageddon’s rule. That sucks. Hard. So Myla sneaks into Antrum—she simply must find Lincoln and figure this out. Once she arrives, two problems arise.
First, her husband doesn’t know her. At all.
Second, Lincoln is married to someone else.
Fuuuuuuu…
Releases Fall 2020.
The post New Cover Reveal – Sign Ups Live! appeared first on Monster House Books.
