Tonya Ferguson's Blog, page 48

my life in words

I know what it's like to have to learn to live in darkness.  I know what it's like to suffer in silence so I could continue to get up each day and lay down my life for someone else for 9 1/2 years. I fought the most vicious battle for a very long time, and have lived to tell about it.  Something else I know is that many, many, many other people are suffering at this very moment with loss, grief or Caregiving too.  I now know I've come through my darkness for those very people that are finding themself in the middle of their own darkness right now.



I had plenty of time living with my suffering to really get to know it very well.  Fourteen years is a lifetime.  Now, I have chosen to take that time in my life and turn my suffering into STRENGTH.  I have decided to choose to have my Battle make me BETTER, not BITTER.  I want others that are in pain to be able to do the same thing one day.



No matter what your situation may look like right now, don't be afraid.  Don't give up.  You are not alone.  I know the devastation Storms can wreak on your life.  I know what it's like to be blown off course at times by gale force winds.  I know the sting of pain from being pelted by hail, and shivering from the freezing cold rain.  I also know God Promised us He would NEVER let a Storm destroy us.  He gave us the rainbow to remind us of that very Promise.  But notice when He gives us the rainbows...at the END of the Storms.



Once the winds had calmed after my thirteen year storm, and the rain had stopped, my book had been written.  I came through the battle and the storm with a NEW PURPOSE.  My NEW PURPOSE is to be a "LIFE CHANGER."  And I started with my life first.



My heart now aches for others suffering.  I want to offer my Love, my Encouragement, my Heart, my Compassion, my Empathy, and my Joy to anyone who finds themself reaching out for a hand as they are going under for the third time.  If that's you, just reach out.  Reach out and take my hand.  There WILL be light that will shine in your darkness again.  You WILL reach the end of your Storm.  You WILL win the battle you are fighting.  But until then, when you feel weak and vulnerable to the cruelties the world can throw at you, just stand in the Shelter of my Shadow until you can turn your Suffering into Strength.  Writing my book is what turned me into a "LIFE CHANGER."  Now I tell others my book is an umbrella to hold on your stormiest days.



Until the next time we talk......Stand firm on Philippians 4:13.

Love, Hugs, & Prayers,

~tf

little inspirations

"Don't let being AFRAID of something stand in

your way of the LIFE God intends for you to have.

Just DO IT AFRAID!"     ~tf

little inspirations

"You can always be Better,

or You can always be Worse.

It's up to YOU which one you

become.     ~tf

little inspirations

"Sometimes God allows us to experience pain when we walk,

so we'll know what it feels like to walk in someone else's shoes."     ~tf

little inspirations

"Do you gain more from the Valleys,

or the Mountain Tops?"     ~tf

my life in words

I think I would have to compare writing a new song or my book to preparing for the arrival of a newborn baby.  



I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant.  I remember trying to guess what it would be like after my babies were born.  But until they arrived and I was actually living it, I really didn't have a clue.  I wanted to get everything ready for the baby and have all the baby things bought and stored away.  I worked feverishly to make sure everything was perfect for when that new baby got to come home.  Only to find out later so much of what I was doing then was unnecessary and unimportant.



At times I thought about what the baby's life would be like as it grew up.  Where it would go to school.  What it would want to do when it grew up. Who it would marry, and how many children it would have.  I occasionally thought about the typical things parents think about.



There were some things I didn't really think about.  I didn't wonder about what kind of impact my child would truly have on the people that came into her life.  I don't remember thinking about how my child might change lives, and offer hope and encouragement, even to total strangers.  I was too caught up in each moment I was living in.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was only thinking of the child growing inside me and what that meant.  Then when it was time, I was wrapped up in the birth of the baby.  After that, I was so overwhelmed becoming a parent and trying to "figure out the whole baby thing," I didn't think beyond what I was going through in each moment.  I didn't have time to think about the outcome of my baby's life.  I was busy in the every day life of raising a baby into adulthood.



It's only after the child has grown up that you see what their "Purpose" is.  It's then you see the impact they are making in the world.  It's then you are able to see them through different eyes.  You can see their "Destiny" before them as they are walking it out.



That is EXACTLY what it is like for me when I write a new song.  It's EXACTLY what it was like for me when I wrote my book.  In the moment of living the songs and book I had no other thoughts but to come out alive on the other side.  "I couldn't see the forest for the trees," so to speak.



NOW ......that the book is being read and I'm hearing back from those who are reading it, I am finding it overwhelming to comprehend the magnitude of it all.  I am OVER-JOYED, ELATED, BLESSED, SURPRISED , and HUMBLED by what my book is actually doing for people, (and many, many complete strangers).



In some ways it makes me feel like the journey through my 13 year storm has been validated.  I can remember MANY, MANY times asking God HOW was what I was going through ever going to be able to be used for something good.  Again, "I couldn't see the forest for the trees."  It wasn't until NOW , as I read the words people write about my book that is see HOW .  I NOW know that EVERYTHING I went through, every horrible moment I was unable to wake up from the nightmare I was living in, was all for this very moment.  It wasn't for me back then...it was for others now that are going through similar things that I went through.  Only they will be able to battle their storms with me there beside them holding their hand, encouraging them along the way.  My book is an umbrella to hold on your stormiest days.



I wanted my "Nightmare" to have a "Purpose."  I wanted it to show others that at the end of their devastation they could receive "Beauty For The Ashes" too.  But, most importantly, I wanted the "ULTIMATE PRICE" my parents paid, to not have been for nothing!



Until the next time we talk......Stand firm on Philippians 4:13.

Love, Hugs, & Prayers,

~tf                                                                 

little inspirations

"People don't need to know how much "book learning" is in your head.

They just need to know how much of "God's Love" is in your heart."     ~tf

little inspirations

"I'm not a "Preacher,"

I'm a "Reacher."



I don't "Preach At,"

I "Reach Out."     ~tf

little inspirations

"Don't REGRET your yesterdays......

they were the lessons you learned for

the life you're living TODAY."     ~tf

little inspirations

"Don't ALLOW the world to underestimate

the person God has made you to be."     ~tf