RaeLyn Murphy's Blog

Social Media Networking: Ur Doin' It Wrong

I have a confession to make.  I have two LinkedIn accounts, two Pinterest accounts, two Twitter accounts, too many Facebook pages (and three accounts),  and six e-mail accounts!  Now, to be fair, I'm a self-professed geek and my writer sides are different (hence the two LinkedIn accounts).  My gamer side doesn't want to mix game news and writing stuff.  The part of me that is ADD requires the organization that comes from separating my various facets.  It may sound chaotic, but for me, it's organized.  It's kind of like how we, those of us with ADD, have piles of notes and notebooks.  We know where to find everything, but it looks like a disaster to anyone else.  Still, I'm fairly new to the concept of using social media for business purposes and what I've seen actually astonishes me.



Twitter: Imagine that you are at a party and everyone is talking at once.  Everyone at the party has something that interests them to show you.  The people are talking at you, but no one is talking to you or with you. This is what my writing feed looks like on Twitter.  Everyone is talking to no one in particular.  In fact, one of my game Twitter friends described Twitter as more of a bulletin board. 

It kind of does appear that way, doesn't it?  Yep, I'm in there, too, trying to get people to think about their relationships in a new way.  The thing is, I'm following 108 people and have 70 people following me and no one's talking to anyone.  My numbers are small, but the outcome is the same.  It doesn't matter how many people are looking at your feeds, or even retweeting them, if no one is discussing the message.  It's about conversations; it's not about metrics or links. 



By way of contrast, here is the twitter feed on my personal account:

This feed is filled with newsy type stuff that matters to me today. (Yup, that's a direct reference to Philip DeFranco).  It's also filled with chatter among people who matter to me.  In this second one, you can see plenty of @mentions and, if you were able to scroll further down the page, you'd see actual conversations.  For instance, JP McDaniel was asking Mark Julio a direct question about gaming.



I thoroughly enjoy this feed.  I'm completely interested in the news feeds, even though they aren't speaking to me directly, because they are regarding subjects I'm interested in.  I follow the conversations because they are part of the personalities of the people I'm following. 



You see, I don't want to follow a bunch of blog links.  Writer or not, I have plenty of things to read.  I have more to read than I have time to read it in.  My read-it-later bookmark list is 45 pages long!  That's 450 articles I want to read "when I have time."  What is it about the one you're linking that should make me want to go to it?  If no one is talking back to me, at all, why should I retweet it?  Who's going to go to it on my list?



Honestly, I appreciate everyone who follows me on Twitter.  But, if I go to your feed and you've made no attempt to make conversation with anyone, I'm not going to follow you back.  I want to, you know, network. I'm looking to make friends and influence people.  I write my books and I keep this blog in the hopes that, someone, somewhere, will stumble upon it because they need the help I'm offering.  It's not even for monetary gain.  I sincerely want to help parents raise happy, successful, children with ADD.  I want to help women, everywhere, have fulfilling long term relationships with their significant others.  On Twitter, Facebook, and even on this blog, talking to me is free.  But, no one is going to find me if my only audience is a bunch of authors who are just as interested in being heard, and just as overwhelmed with links they don't have time to read.  The same goes for you.  If your audience is only filled with other authors, you're spinning your wheels. 



The problem is there are way too many articles that discuss following and being followed to build your base.  These articles aren't limited to the Internet, itself.  They're promoted on author forums on LinkedIn, Shelfari, and GoodReads.  Author forums are filled with "like me and I'll like you back" threads.  This is great if your target audience is authors.  Authors are great readers and promoters.  The problem is, if you're on one of these forums, you're busy trying to promote yourself!



Twitter does have a nice function to combat this:  Lists.  I use them. 



To make a list, go to the drop down menu next to your head symbol at the upper right side of the page.  Below your name it says "View my Profile," "Direct Messages," and "Lists".  Click on "Lists." 



























 Click on the tab that says "Create List."  In the pop up box, name your new list, provide a description for yourself if you want, and choose the radio button next to private or public. 

























 To add someone to your list, select the black head next to the "following" button, scroll down, and select "Add or Remove From List."  A box will pop up, listing the names of your lists.  Click on the box next to the list you want to add the person to.  Now, when you want to find tweets from people you interact with or follow closely, all you need to do is go into your lists menu, choose the list, and all of the tweets from people on that list will show in your feed until you return to "home."















 Facebook:  As with Twitter, Facebook is about social connection.  If you have a book page or an author page, your goal should be to build interaction.  For the sake of discussion, pick a fan page you like.  Pick any fan page, but try to find one with more than 1,000 followers.  I picked on Philip DeFranco earlier, so I'll use that example again.  Notice how the page interacts with the audience.  In my example, he has added videos he likes, drawings he's doing, and pictures of himself with his interests.  He's bringing his audience in and letting them be a part of his everyday doings.  This is what your author page or book page should strive to do.  Give people teasers from the book.  Start telling a chapter one paragraph at a time. Ask people to help you pick a title.  Start a contest for cover art.  Make a poll, ask questions, start discussions.  Make your page a community that people feel a part of. 



LinkedIn:  LinkedIn is more business networking than social.  The groups are a great place to network, but this is the one place in which the community can, and should be, work-related.  Seldom are people self-promoting in a void.  This is generally the place to ask questions, offer answers, and get some answers of your own.  To make the most of LinkedIn, join groups, create groups, and participate in group discussions.



Pinterest:  Some people wouldn't consider Pinterest a true social networking site.  It literally is a bulletin board of visual bookmarks.  Complete strangers "like" your bookmarks and pass them on to their friends.  It can be a great place to get your blogs noticed, but it's not really the place to make new friends and interact with people. 



As an author, however, I find I learn a lot from my audience on Pinterest.  You see, people have the option of following one item, a whole board, multiple boards, or all of your boards.  If you write non-fiction and your boards are based on your interests as a writer--hopefully, you are writing about things that interest you!--you are getting built-in metrics about the things that are of greatest interest to your audience.



 This does apply, with some finesse, to fiction authors, as well.  If you're writing the next great lighthouse murder mystery, you might start a board pinning items that pertain to your subject matter.  If your characters are inspired by a certain type of person, you may be pinning people or celebrities on a board.  As people start to follow, you'll get an idea of what your audience is interested in and what bores them. 



Pinterest is interesting because it doesn't come across as marketing.  It's fun and addictive; it's non-personal and yet, friendly.  Because it's non-invasive, I've found it to be the most important way to listen to my audience.











If you are using social media to build an audience and you're not interacting with that audience, I'm sorry but,

































Your turn:  What's the best interactive social media community experience you've ever had?

The Affect of Long-Term ADHD Stimulants

We take certain cold medications off of store shelves, making the purchase of them controlled by store pharmacies.  Diet pills and concentrated energy drinks are not sold to children under the age of 18 in some stores.  We give dextroamphetamine to a six year old and think nothing of it.  ADHD medications are stimulants, similar in chemical structure to cocaine and speed.  "Speed" is the street name for methamphetamine. 



It's important to note:  ADHD medications do not treat ADHD; they treat ADHD symptoms.  There is no cure.  There is only long term therapy, the only goal of which is to make your child conform.  There aren't even any real studies to prove that this works over time.  Stimulant medications may have some beneficial use in getting your child to pay attention, but chemicals don't actually fix the problem.  And, according to http://www.drugs.com/pro/adderall-xr.html:

The effectiveness of Adderall XR for long-term use, i.e., for more than 3 weeks in children and 4 weeks in adolescents and adults, has not been systematically evaluated in controlled trials. Therefore, the physician who elects to use Adderall XR for extended periods should periodically re-evaluate the long-term usefulness of the drug for the individual patient.

As a matter of fact, this isn't all that unusual, for many medications.   If you look at the warning area on your bottle of cold pills or your over the counter pain medications, they specifically warn against prolonged use without seeking the counsel of a physician.  And yet, if you suffer from arthritis or migraines, you've probably been ignoring that warning for years.



Ask yourself this question:  How would you feel if you learned that your child was taking speed, heroin, or huffing paint?  You may argue that this is different because a physician has diagnosed the illness and is in charge of treating it.  This substance that you give your child every day is controlled, unlike the substance on the street.  This one is FDA approved.  It's safe, isn't it?  Experts say it is.  Despite the quote above, many experts say that, while it is impossible to truly perform case studies, there is no trend that proves any ill-effects to the long term use of stimulants by children.  Matthew Smith's father would disagree.  The cause of death on his 14 year old son's death certificate reads "Death caused from Long Term Use of Methylphenidate, Ritalin."  Is this case unusual?  Possibly.  Would I take that chance?  Definitely not.  





The one point I find appalling about Matthew Smith's story is that the need for medication came from the school, not the parents or a physician.  Is that your story, as well?  It is mine.  My son was diagnosed with ADD when he was only four years old.  That's young, even back in the early 1990's.  ADD, however, is hereditary; the diagnosis wasn't shocking.  It was a school principal, in first grade, who decided my son needed to be medicated.  He broached the subject by telling me "I think your son has ADD" to which I replied "REALLY?!  What was your first clue?"  You see, we'd been working with Sean's first grade teacher all year.  The diagnosis was written all over his school documents.  The principal's response was "We want him on medication."  Literally, I was told by a school official that medication was required.  With a diagnosis in hand, I had not been seeking medication for my child and a physician was not pushing the issue--the school was.  Sean never entered that school again.  I picked up his things and we began to home-school him.  He is now a highly ambitious, successful adult who is attending college for the second time after a disabling injury prevented him from returning to his previous career.  





Homeschooling may not be right for your family and it's not the point of this post.  More often than not, it is the schools that are requesting that our children start taking medication in order to make them conform to a system that is failing. The medications don't treat the problem.  Stimulants will help your child sit still and focus by anesthetizing their highly active brain.  In other words, the schools are actually asking you to dumb your child down so that they can passively obtain information the child would normally actively engage in learning.  They want him to sit still and face forward.  It's not about learning or learning ability.  It's about behaving and having control.  Your ADD-gifted child has been blessed with a highly intelligent, curious, active brain and you're being asked to slow it down so they can fit in.  When you think about that, it's simply incredible that they've been able to sell that snake oil and gotten so many people to buy into it!  





Ask yourself another question:  Is your child's behavior at home really that debilitating or has it escalated since school started?  I'm not going to tell you that raising a child with ADD is easy.  Sean was hell on wheels all the time.  There were many times when I asked "What the hell's wrong with you?"  (Don't ask your kids that.  It's not a nice thing to say.)  There were many times when I thought medication would be easier.  School didn't make things easier, however.  It's not like you can drop them off and leave them for six hours a day.  You're going to hear from the school several times per week.  It's a stressful place for your child and it makes the home a stressful place.  On top of that, all of the pent up energy your child was forced to hold in all day comes out in bad behavior at night.  Medication is not the answer.  Learn about ADD, adjust, rejoice and learn to work with it, not against it.  Whether you know it yet, or not, your child has been gifted.  If you can't see that, medication isn't going to help.  



Learn more about medications here.  Simply type the name of the drug into the search box at the top of the page or scroll down to find the medication your child is on.  This is the FDA drug safety site.  Pages list information for all medications including side effects and warnings.  Medication is required when the problem it is fixing outweighs the potential hazard of chemical intervention.  It is up to you to decide if the medication described meets that requirement.  If it's making your life and your child's life better, by all means, ignore this post.  I'd only ask that you are making an informed decision, first. 





I found this video extremely entertaining and informative: (http://youtu.be/zDZFcDGpL4U)

Rainy Day Project: Make Rain Sticks

There's something soothing about the sound of falling rain, as long as it's not causing a flash flood.  Rain sticks can provide focus to a child in much the same way that the glitter jars do.  This sensory focus, however, is auditory instead of visual.  By playing with the way you hold and tip the stick, you create different sounds.  Making one is easy. 



Begin with a postage tube, small nails of various sizes, and a small hammer.  The small hammer is perfectly sized for finishing nails as well for use by smaller hands.  A regular hammer was too big for the nails used in this project, but use what you have on hand.  Push or hammer the nails along the length of the tube, varying the distance and placement.  You are creating an obstacle course for the "rain" to travel across. 



Pour dry beans and rice into the tube and try out the sound.  For this project, I used approximately 1 1/2 cups rice and 1 cup of dry beans.  The dry beans lend a more resonant, heavy rain sound while the rice provides a more soothing, relaxing sound.  If you are not getting the mix of sound you prefer, adjust your mix accordingly.  In my case, I noticed that the rain traveled well at the ends, but poured much too fast through the middle.  To combat this, I added more nails around the middle and experimented until the stick made the sound I desired.  This picture is deceiving.  There are many tiny nails in the tube, but only the ones with larger heads are showing up. 



Once you have the sound you desire, glue or postage tape the ends to the tube and decorate as desired.  For my tube, I decoupaged green tissue paper to the tube using watered down white glue.  I then added a Dollar Tree vine I had lying about the house.  You may choose, instead, to paint it, use wood-grained contact paper, or even make it look more like an actual stick.  Whatever you choose to do, please show us in your comments down below!  As always, one commenter will be chosen from this week's comments to receive a free .pdf copy of  my book, Gifted With ADD: Successfully Managing A Turbo-Charged Mind.  Just make sure that I have a way to reach you if you win!  Good Luck!  Have Fun! 

Quick and Easy Playing Card Holder for Small Hands

Children always seem to want to do the things adults do, but their little hands won't always cooperate.  This fast and easy project lets them play cards with the family without showing their hand to everyone else.  All it takes is some craft supplies, two plastic container lids and a little bit of hot glue.  This project can be completed in as little as 5 minutes or, if you'd like to stretch it into craft time, it will last as long as your child takes to make it a personal masterpiece!



 Start with two lids, similar in size.  Put a dime-sized splotch of hot glue in the center top (printed side) of one lid and press the two lids together, printed sides together. 

Decorate as desired.  You may use paints, markers, stickers, spray paints for plastics, rub-ons, stamps, Mod Podge, or any other art supplies that you already have on hand.



 The playing cards slip easily between the two lids and fan out nicely.  If your little one is still showing off his hand to other players, simply teach him to hold the disc closer to his chest.  Good Luck!  Have Fun!

Love Doesn't Cost A Thing

The man who loves me knows better than to bring me roses on Valentine's Day.  It's not that I hate the holiday; the whole thing leaves me feeling rather blase'.  It's so cliche'!  Valentines are love letters, but our kids hand them out to each other and to us, their parents, because they're told to.  Hearts, flowers, candy, heart-shaped balloons--somehow, being told "I love you" on a specified day rings rather hollow.  For the recently brokenhearted, it only serves to re-open a wound.  What's the point?



Most people know the history of the day.  At least, you know the basics.  As the story goes, Roman emperor, Claudius II, forbid marriages in order to get men to join his army.  He believed that the reason men wouldn't join was that they didn't want to leave their families.  Father Valentine continued to wed people in secret until he was caught and jailed.  In jail, it is thought, he found a love of his own and, just before he was put to death, he sent her a love note signed "your Valentine."  The Catholic church recognizes three martyred saints as "Valentine" or "Valentinus."  Which one gets the credit for the holiday is a mystery.  I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that there could also be a pagan fertility festival, Lupercalia, which predates Valentine's Day.  Since Lupercalia was a somewhat brutal celebration, its ties to the celebration of lovers seems rather flimsy, however.  Most people couldn't care less about the foundation of the holiday anyway.



If you really want to show your love today, do something that reflects the two of you as a couple.  If you're in love, you have history:  a first meeting, a first date, fantasies, foibles, and private jokes.  You share secrets that make you smile and things that are unique to the two of you. 

Write "I love you" in the sand or snow.  If you don't usually say those words, use the words you do say.  
Re-create the scene from your first date or your favorite couple movie.  
Make it a date night with a theme--eat the same food the lovers eat in the movie or get Asian takeout and watch an Asian movie.  
Bring her a bouquet of Tootsie Pops because you know she loves them.  
Hide a gift, geocaching-style, if that's an activity the two of you share.  
Take your video game elf to an archery range to practice his marksmanship or sit on the couch and play a game together.  
Celebrate that you have each other by honoring what's special about your unique relationship.  No one knows him or her like you do.  Give your significant other a gift that only you can give.  There's a reason they're referred to as your "significant other," after all. 

Your Turn:

What is the best Valentine's Day or anniversary gift you've ever gotten?  Why was it special to you?

Adding Sex To Your Workout Routine

You already own the best piece of fitness equipment.  Psst...It's in your bedroom.  Wild, reckless, boisterous, rough, sheet-grabbing sex can burn as many as 700 calories.  Average sex still burns approximately 200 calories in 30 minutes.  To put this into perspective, you have to play basketball, tennis, racquetball, or jog for at least 20 minutes to burn 200 calories.  Yet, when you're burning calories with your significant other, weight loss goals are probably the last thing on your mind.  



The pulse rate of an aroused person jumps from 50-75 beats per minute to 120-150 beats per minute, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort.  Read that again, because the key word is aroused.  Increased cardiovascular activity boosts metabolism and fat burning; that is the science behind aerobic activity.  Does your man make your heart race?  Does he have a way of revving you up using only his words?  When you are having great sex, it's natural to talk about it more often.  Conversations involve playful teasing and contain remarks meant to arouse the other person.  Although it's probably not something you'd want to do daily, it is possible to keep your partner in a state of arousal for hours through evocative text messages, suggestive notes in a lunch box, or suggestive phone messages.  Arousal has multiple weight loss benefits, including a racing pulse and non-interest in food.  



Lovemaking also lends itself to improved strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and cardiovascular conditioning. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and chest areas.  The act of lovemaking warms the muscles, aiding flexibility, and boosts the level of testosterone, which leads to stronger muscles and bones.  Exercise, including physical intimacy, increases testosterone levels in both men and women leading to better fat distribution, an increase in libido, and higher energy levels.  Testosterone also boosts concentration, cognitive thinking, and overall strength.  



Sexual activity is heart-healthy.   According to a study at Queens University in Belfast, men who have sex three or more times a week can cut their risk of heart attack in half. The same study found that regular romps will also halve your man's chances of suffering a stroke.  Another study found that the testosterone released by the male during oral sex reduced a women's risk of preeclampsia, the dangerously high blood pressure that sometimes accompanies pregnancy.



Conventional wisdom dictates that people exercise for at least 20 minutes three times per week.  Get busy!

Happily Ever After: 12 Ways To Know If He's The Right Guy For You

Before you embark on the rest of your life, you need to deal with today.  Marriages dissolve and the statistics can be frightening.  If you're under 25 when you marry, you are more likely to divorce.  According to one site, 60% of those that divorce are between the ages of 25 and 39.  First marriages may end up in divorce in as little as eight years!



On the other hand, people change.  Unless you choose well from the beginning, it's possible for a couple to simply grow in different directions.  You can lessen your personal chances for divorce by choosing well.  Your heart may have already chosen; before you turn your life path over to another, make sure your heart has chosen well. 



Your quirks mesh up.  This should be the most basic thing, but it may be the most overlooked.  Do you:
Have the same sense of humor?  Does he laugh at your jokes?  Do you really find his funny?
Have the same sleeping patterns?  You're not going to much appreciate being awake at 5AM if you prefer to go to bed at midnight.  He may want to spoon; you kick during the night.  How long until there is a chasm of space between the two of you in bed?
Eat the same foods?  If you love Thai and he hates spicy foods, you will eventually find yourselves arguing about take-out.  Is this a big thing?  Of course not.  But, it is a thing.  
You have similar views about alcohol, drugs, etc?  A person who values sobriety will not enjoy a "pot-head" for long.  Likewise, pouring your significant other into a vehicle at the end of a night out, or holding their hair while they puke, becomes more tedious than amusing over time. 
Think he smells good?  Pheromones are nature's way of helping us choose a mate who is compatible.  If you don't like the way he smells, that may be a red flag.  If, however, his scent makes you want to ravage him, you may be on the right track.
Have the same basic level of intelligence?  Many scholars do very well with blue collar partners.  However, your choice of vocation is not an indication of intellect.  It does become tiresome when your partner cannot add to a conversation and frustrating when you can't take part in his.  
Have similar tastes in music, books, movies, games, and hobbies?  These are the ways you will spend the majority of your down time together.  Having similar interests opens up a realm of possibilities for date nights.  Enjoying your interests separately creates division.
The relationship is fun, easy, and enjoyable.  Are you happy?  Do you feel secure?  If you have not committed to a lifetime together yet, this should be the easiest part of your relationship.  This is the time when you get to simply enjoy each other's company without being legally bound.  If you don't enjoy each other now, don't commit to a future thinking it is going to change.  It's not.  If he makes you feel bad about yourself now, run to the nearest exit.  
He makes an effort for you.  When a man is interested, and free to be with you, he will make arrangements to see you.  He will text, call, or otherwise contact you frequently (as in daily, at least).  He puts an effort into spending time with you instead of just showing up.  He will show you how he feels, not simply express it in words.  A man who loves you shouldn't have to say those three little words for you to know it.  It will show in his behavior.  Do not bargain with yourself in order to hang onto a relationship.  If he's not going the distance, without valid reason, don't hold on to him; find someone who will care enough to take you on.  This is not to say that you must be the center of his universe.  If you are both workaholics or you have knowingly entered into a complicated relationship, you may not see each other as frequently as you'd like.  If he's interested, he will still show that by his actions. 
He says "we" and "us."  He's making plans for the future that include you.  He can identify things that both of you want, whether it is to agree on the paint color for the living room or your mutual choice in vacation destination. 
He makes you feel secure.  Are your views regarding money similar?  Is it OK with him if you make more money than he does?  If you want to be a stay-at-home mother, is he going to be willing and able to support the family?  Do you feel like you will struggle to keep a roof over your heads?  Money is the number one cause of fights in relationships.  Financial hardship can tear a couple apart.  There is no way of predicting what your financial situation will look like in a year or more.  There is an issue, however, if one person has lofty goals and the other is financially conservative.
He doesn't want to change you and you don't want to change him.  It is one thing to wish to change an opinion on some matter; it is quite another to wish to change an entire wardrobe or core value.  If you don't love each other for who you are, right now, you're not in the right relationship.  People can change for a short time to please another.  Changing who you are is not sustainable. 
He still affects you. People tell you that you glow when you talk about him.  He makes you smile.  You smile when you think about him or when you remember a mutual event.  He can still make your heart race.
He's your best friend or, at least, one of them.  If this is the person you are hoping to spend the next year, 10 years, or 50 years with, you'd better enjoy his company.  If he's not the kind of person you'd normally spend friend time with, he's not the type of person you'll enjoy spending years with.
He has the approval of your friends and family.  He enjoys their company, too.  Again, he should be friend material.  Who knows you better than your friends and family?  Your family wants the best things for you.  Your friends know what kind of things you like.  If your significant other wants to separate you from your friends, red flags should go up.  If he's pulling you away from a healthy relationship with your family, it should be more like emergency flares. 
You agree on the issues.  Your religious and political views must be similar or you'll live in a house divided.  What are the two taboo dinner party discussions?  Never discuss religion and politics.  It's also important to want the same amount of children, to have similar life goals, and to want to make your home in similar environments.  This is not only important for avoiding fights; open communication demonstrates that he is listening to you and respects your point of view. 
You respect him and he is worthy of your respect.  Do you admire his life choices?  What do you admire about him, as a person?
You trust him, implicitly.  This is not only about jealousy, but jealousy is a slow poison in a relationship.  The minute you lose trust and respect for your partner, you may as well pack your bags and move out.  It doesn't matter if you feel justified in your jealousy--whether he has done wrong or not, you suspect him of wrong-doing and that, alone, will destroy the relationship.  Trust is about more than this, though.  It is the necessary ingredient in an uninhibited sexual relationship.  It is also the secret of truly intimate relationships.  Without trust, he's nothing more than a good friend.
In order to choose the man of your dreams, you need to know what your dreams are.  Know yourself, know the person you think you are willing to commit to and own up to the truth about the two of you.

Health Benefits of the Big "O"

There seem to be quite a few articles regarding the health benefits of sex.  In fact, if you were to check them out, you may even wonder why you haven't heard about this before.  If you're not having enough sex, these articles will give you even more reasons to feel frustrated.  In this case, however, the big "O" is oxytocin, not orgasms.  Orgasms may be the easiest way to increase the amount of oxytocin in your system, but they're not the only way.



Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter found in your bloodstream.  When you are around people you love, when you feel nurtured, and when you care for others, the amount of oxytocin in your bloodstream surges.  As the concentration in your system increases, your tension releases and you feel more at ease.  After orgasm, the surge of oxytocin in your bloodstream even has a mild amnesic effect, helping you to leave any tensions of the day behind and forget that he forgot to pay the phone bill.  This is one of the best scientific reasons I can find for angry sex or make-up sex!



Oxytocin is the natural counter to cortisol, the stress hormone.  Cortisol is responsible for raising blood pressure and for the fight or flight response.  When cortisol levels go up, blood vessels constrict and glucose is rapidly released into your bloodstream in preparation for use.  This injection of glucose is meant to give you the energy to fight or run immediately.  If, however, your body doesn't use the glucose, it becomes stored energy.  Energy that is not needed by the muscles is stored as fat and deposited in the tummy area.  Oxytocin, a natural antidepressant and anti-anxiety hormone, reduces the stress response, thereby diminishing the frequency and duration of cortisol responses.



Along with vasopressin, another tension-releasing hormone released during sex, oxytocin reduces tension and brings a feeling of peace and well-being.  For this reason, it is being studied for use with autism and anti-social behaviors.  It increases the bonding between mother and child and fosters the bonding relationship in couples.  It also fosters feelings of trust and self-love.



For pregnant women, the health benefits are even more apparent.  Oxytocin is natural Pitocin, the drug frequently used to induce labor.  Having sex with your significant other close to your due date may induce labor.  Having sheet-grabbing sex with him causes a hormone surge of up to five times your normal level. Keeping him near you during labor helps to sustain the benefit.  This oxytocin surge carries with it the added benefit of pain relief and lowered pain perception, making labor easier and possibly quicker.  When your muscles tense and you "fight the pain," the process of labor takes longer.  On a side note, prostaglandins in his juices, when up against the cervix, help to induce labor and dilate the cervix.  It's a win-win.



Some studies have even shown that oxytocin in the system can improve immune response and aid in wound healing.  This is especially easy to understand when you understand the health benefits of sex in the big picture.  Sex increases cardiovascular activity and rushes blood throughout the body.  This increased blood flow carries vital oxygen and healing components to wounds.  Lowered blood pressure, decreased stress responses and lack of overall tension all work together to allow your body to do the work of healing.



The presence of oxytocin in your system is cyclical.  Your oxytocin level is increased by feelings of bonding, love, gentle touch, hugs, massage, meditation, nurturing, cuddling and laughter.  The presence of it in your systems elevates your feelings of love, bonding, gentleness, trust, and mood.  Because it is so attached to the emotions of love, oxytocin is naturally released in higher doses when you do the things that increase it with the people you love.

Make a "Serger Bag" For Your Sewing Center

 Remember when sergers were all the rage?  Suddenly, you could make sweatshirts just like store bought.  There were patterns for sweatshirts that looked like they were inside out and sewn with multi-color thread.  Sewn pieces went together in no time and specialty fabrics didn't unravel down to the seam line.



I speak of this as if it's past-tense.  I still own one.  I haven't used it in years and still have to replace one of the cutting blades, but I do love my serger.



Sergers practically required the use of a serger bag although I don't recall ever really seeing one for sale.  I used to use a plastic bag tucked around one of the feet.  The bag caught all of the threads and excess fabric as it came off of the machine.  When I joined the quilt guild, I learned to make this little bag.  As a quilter, it comes in handy at the machine.  I use it to catch the little threads and, sometimes, small pieces of fabric.  The sand bag at the top makes a handy pincushion when I leave my pin magnet in front of the TV or on the ironing board.  Tell me you've never done that?!

Gather up your supplies.  You'll need sand for the weighted bag.  You could use rice or beans, just for weight, but the sand is also good for sharpening your pins and needles.  Conventional wisdom calls for a strip of boning to hold the bag open.  Boning can be purchased from a fabric store.  This bag is going green:  I'm using a strip of plastic from a Coke bottle.   The size is perfect for this project.  I've chosen this brand's bottle because it seemed a little sturdier around the label than most.  You could use any two or three liter bottle, though.  If you do use a three liter, you'll need to adjust your fabric measurements, but we're going to go over how to do that.  Choose a fabric for the bag; one for the liner, if desired; and some trusty muslin to hold the filling for your w.  As usual, I'm using scraps of fabric already in my stash.  Fat quarters will work well here.  Otherwise, you'll need about 1/4 yard of each fabric for the liner, outer pieces, and weight. 

Cut a 1" strip from the center of the bottle.  Here, again, the Coke bottle helped me along!  It already had lines etched right in the bottle underneath the label.  I've put the bottle back together here because I intend to use the remaining bottle as a terrarium.  Measure the circumference of your ring.  Mine is about 4 1/4" in diameter, but that doesn't tell me much.  

 By folding it slightly, I can see that it is 14" in circumference.  You could also simply measure with a tape measure.  That would be even easier to do before you detached the ring from the rest of the bottle, but I didn't have the foresight to do that!  Since we'll be using a 1/4" seam line and two seams, you'll need to add 1/2" to your measurement to see how much fabric you'll need. 

 Cut two liner pieces and two outer bag pieces to your measurements. Here, my pieces are 7 1/2" x 8" each.  The 7 1/2" will go around the ring, being 14" in diameter once sewn.  The bag, then, is 8" deep.  Sew around three sides to create a pocket, as shown. 

 To make the bag sit open, pull the bottom seam apart and sew perpendicular across the seam 1" from the tip.  Do this on both ends of the bottom of each bag--the liner bag and the outer bag. 

 This creates the flat, open bottom shown here.  Not shown:  cut two strips 3" wide by 8" long.  This is the strap that will hold your bag to the weight.  You may shorten or lengthen the strip to meet your needs.  One of my bags has a strap that is quite long.  It fits easily under my machine and the weighted pincushion is well-positioned for use. This one will set to the side.  In this case, 8" may be a bit too long, but it will be versatile and the fabric can be easily wrapped around the weight if I need to shorten it.



Sew these two strips, right sides together, along their length on both sides, creating a tube.  Leave the ends open.  Turn the tube right side out and press flat. 

This part is less tricky on a bigger bag.  Match the open edges, right sides together.  Make sure that the side seams line up.  Pin one open end of the tube strip to the right side of the liner piece on one side. It will be enclosed in the seam when you stitch the front to the liner with the strip sandwiched in between.  Carefully sew around the bag, stitching the front to the liner, right sides together and leaving about a one to one and a half inch gap in the seam to turn the bag.



Put the plastic piece from the soft drink bottle around one side of the fabric bag, as shown.  As you pull the fabric through the hole to the right side, carefully tuck in the ring so that it is caught between the outer bag and the liner on the inside.



A zipper foot comes in handy for this part.  Push the ring down toward the bottom of the bag so that it's out of the way.  Tuck in the raw edges of the opening in your fabric bag and sew a seam 1/8" from the edge all the way around the bag opening.  Push the ring back up to the top and sew a seam around its bottom edge, encasing it in the fabric.



Your bag is almost complete.



 Make a bag from your muslin, leaving a small opening to fill it.  For this, I cut one 5"x9" piece, folded it in half and sewed around all sides, leaving the small opening shown here by the inserted bottle and the shovel.  That's right, the bottle top now works perfectly as a funnel for the sand filling!  Hand stitch the opening closed.  Stitch it well!  You don't want it to leak!

 For the sandbag cover, I got lazy.  I cut two pieces 5" wide by approximately 8" (don't go by that 8" measurement--try 5" x 6").  Put these pieces together, right sides together.  As you can see, the pieces here surround the bag strap. You want to make sure that the other end of the strap is enclosed in the seam at the bottom side of this weight bag.  Sew a seam around the three sides furthest from the actual bag.  In other words, sew up the two sides and sew a seam, including the strap along the edge that appears near the perpendicular line on this ruler. 

 Turn the bag right side out.  If you did use the lazy 8" measurement that I used, cut your bag down so that the weight will fit inside without too much excess fabric.  I cut off about two inches, so my original bag should have been 5" x 6".  Fold the opening to the inside and sew across the seam to seal it shut.  Your bag is complete! 



 The blue bag is about ten years old and doesn't have boning in it.  It has always been quite functional and this is the one with the very long strap.  (It's 18" to be exact.)  If I bring my machine forward more, this new 8" strap is actually more useful for this situation.  I've also seen bags with straps as small as two to three inches.  It all depends on your use and what is comfortable for you. 



Your Turn:  We'd like to see your projects.  If you make this bag, please share it for all to see.  If you have found a better solution, please feel free to share it.  If you have a blog topic that coordinates with this one, by all means, please share your link so that others can find it and learn!  As always, one commenter will be chosen from this week's comments to receive a free .pdf copy of my book,  Gifted With ADD.  Just make sure that I have a way to reach you if you win!  Good Luck!  Have Fun!

Miracle Cough Syrup: No Alcohol

I'm not exactly sure where I ever found the recipe for this cough syrup, but its effects were miraculous when my children had night time coughs.  Within moments, even the worst cough would cease and they were able to fall asleep.  I used to keep a batch of this in the refrigerator at all times.  Children don't fuss about taking it because it bears no resemblance to the nasty syrup favored by medicine companies.



To try this out for yourself, simply mix:

1 oz. Glycerin (found in drug stores by laxatives or near the peroxide and rubbing alcohol)
2 oz. Honey
1/2 oz. Lemon Juice
Store in refrigerator for later use.  It's the golden glow of a peaceful night's sleep.  And yes, mine is in a Hot Dijon Mustard jar.  ;)