Happily Ever After: 12 Ways To Know If He's The Right Guy For You

Before you embark on the rest of your life, you need to deal with today.  Marriages dissolve and the statistics can be frightening.  If you're under 25 when you marry, you are more likely to divorce.  According to one site, 60% of those that divorce are between the ages of 25 and 39.  First marriages may end up in divorce in as little as eight years!



On the other hand, people change.  Unless you choose well from the beginning, it's possible for a couple to simply grow in different directions.  You can lessen your personal chances for divorce by choosing well.  Your heart may have already chosen; before you turn your life path over to another, make sure your heart has chosen well. 



Your quirks mesh up.  This should be the most basic thing, but it may be the most overlooked.  Do you:
Have the same sense of humor?  Does he laugh at your jokes?  Do you really find his funny?
Have the same sleeping patterns?  You're not going to much appreciate being awake at 5AM if you prefer to go to bed at midnight.  He may want to spoon; you kick during the night.  How long until there is a chasm of space between the two of you in bed?
Eat the same foods?  If you love Thai and he hates spicy foods, you will eventually find yourselves arguing about take-out.  Is this a big thing?  Of course not.  But, it is a thing.  
You have similar views about alcohol, drugs, etc?  A person who values sobriety will not enjoy a "pot-head" for long.  Likewise, pouring your significant other into a vehicle at the end of a night out, or holding their hair while they puke, becomes more tedious than amusing over time. 
Think he smells good?  Pheromones are nature's way of helping us choose a mate who is compatible.  If you don't like the way he smells, that may be a red flag.  If, however, his scent makes you want to ravage him, you may be on the right track.
Have the same basic level of intelligence?  Many scholars do very well with blue collar partners.  However, your choice of vocation is not an indication of intellect.  It does become tiresome when your partner cannot add to a conversation and frustrating when you can't take part in his.  
Have similar tastes in music, books, movies, games, and hobbies?  These are the ways you will spend the majority of your down time together.  Having similar interests opens up a realm of possibilities for date nights.  Enjoying your interests separately creates division.
The relationship is fun, easy, and enjoyable.  Are you happy?  Do you feel secure?  If you have not committed to a lifetime together yet, this should be the easiest part of your relationship.  This is the time when you get to simply enjoy each other's company without being legally bound.  If you don't enjoy each other now, don't commit to a future thinking it is going to change.  It's not.  If he makes you feel bad about yourself now, run to the nearest exit.  
He makes an effort for you.  When a man is interested, and free to be with you, he will make arrangements to see you.  He will text, call, or otherwise contact you frequently (as in daily, at least).  He puts an effort into spending time with you instead of just showing up.  He will show you how he feels, not simply express it in words.  A man who loves you shouldn't have to say those three little words for you to know it.  It will show in his behavior.  Do not bargain with yourself in order to hang onto a relationship.  If he's not going the distance, without valid reason, don't hold on to him; find someone who will care enough to take you on.  This is not to say that you must be the center of his universe.  If you are both workaholics or you have knowingly entered into a complicated relationship, you may not see each other as frequently as you'd like.  If he's interested, he will still show that by his actions. 
He says "we" and "us."  He's making plans for the future that include you.  He can identify things that both of you want, whether it is to agree on the paint color for the living room or your mutual choice in vacation destination. 
He makes you feel secure.  Are your views regarding money similar?  Is it OK with him if you make more money than he does?  If you want to be a stay-at-home mother, is he going to be willing and able to support the family?  Do you feel like you will struggle to keep a roof over your heads?  Money is the number one cause of fights in relationships.  Financial hardship can tear a couple apart.  There is no way of predicting what your financial situation will look like in a year or more.  There is an issue, however, if one person has lofty goals and the other is financially conservative.
He doesn't want to change you and you don't want to change him.  It is one thing to wish to change an opinion on some matter; it is quite another to wish to change an entire wardrobe or core value.  If you don't love each other for who you are, right now, you're not in the right relationship.  People can change for a short time to please another.  Changing who you are is not sustainable. 
He still affects you. People tell you that you glow when you talk about him.  He makes you smile.  You smile when you think about him or when you remember a mutual event.  He can still make your heart race.
He's your best friend or, at least, one of them.  If this is the person you are hoping to spend the next year, 10 years, or 50 years with, you'd better enjoy his company.  If he's not the kind of person you'd normally spend friend time with, he's not the type of person you'll enjoy spending years with.
He has the approval of your friends and family.  He enjoys their company, too.  Again, he should be friend material.  Who knows you better than your friends and family?  Your family wants the best things for you.  Your friends know what kind of things you like.  If your significant other wants to separate you from your friends, red flags should go up.  If he's pulling you away from a healthy relationship with your family, it should be more like emergency flares. 
You agree on the issues.  Your religious and political views must be similar or you'll live in a house divided.  What are the two taboo dinner party discussions?  Never discuss religion and politics.  It's also important to want the same amount of children, to have similar life goals, and to want to make your home in similar environments.  This is not only important for avoiding fights; open communication demonstrates that he is listening to you and respects your point of view. 
You respect him and he is worthy of your respect.  Do you admire his life choices?  What do you admire about him, as a person?
You trust him, implicitly.  This is not only about jealousy, but jealousy is a slow poison in a relationship.  The minute you lose trust and respect for your partner, you may as well pack your bags and move out.  It doesn't matter if you feel justified in your jealousy--whether he has done wrong or not, you suspect him of wrong-doing and that, alone, will destroy the relationship.  Trust is about more than this, though.  It is the necessary ingredient in an uninhibited sexual relationship.  It is also the secret of truly intimate relationships.  Without trust, he's nothing more than a good friend.
In order to choose the man of your dreams, you need to know what your dreams are.  Know yourself, know the person you think you are willing to commit to and own up to the truth about the two of you.