Matador Network's Blog, page 2173

3 nations fighting climate change

Drought, storm surges, failing harvests, and potential wars. From African deserts to South American jungles, the news from the climate change front lines is increasingly desperate.

In Lima, bureaucrats and leaders from nearly 200 governments are haggling over the fine print of a planned climate change treaty, due to be signed in Paris in December 2015. Citizens at the sharp end of global warming have also been gathering here.

Here’s what three of them, from three parts of the world that are highly vulnerable to changes in the climate, said to GlobalPost.

Sadok Elamri, from the Sahara and Sahel Observatory, a Tunisian nonprofit

Photo: Simeon Tegel/GlobalPost

“There are 240 million people who live in 22 countries in the Sahel, the region around the Sahara, and they are at serious risk from climate change. The desert is expanding, growing every year, and surrounding towns and cities.

“Our big fear is both drought and armed conflict.”

“The forecasts are for rains to start failing by 2025 or 2030. People are already taking water from underground sources but it is not sustainable.

“Our big fear is both drought and armed conflict. Tunisia, Libya and Algeria share an aquifer and they need to cooperate and ensure that is used sustainably and renewably. So do Ethiopia, Sudan and Kenya.

“Even in the desert, in Mali for example, there are microclimates that allow human communities to live. These will be really hurt by climate change. I’m not optimistic, because the Sahel nations are poor and people depend on agriculture. They don’t have the capacity to adapt.

“This COP [United Nations climate conference] is crucial. Paris is our last chance. We need strong commitments from developed nations to curb their emissions. We also need funds to help us adapt to climate change.

“Climate change is here, now; we don’t say that frequently enough.”

Shuuichi Endou, Japanese photographer based on the tiny Pacific island nation of Tuvalu, which he also represents as environmental goodwill ambassador

Photo: Simeon Tegel/GlobalPost

“Two degrees is too much — 1.5 is probably the limit for Tuvalu.” (Two degrees Celsius is the benchmark temperature rise above pre-industrial levels that many scientists say would avoid catastrophic climate change.)

“Tuvalu will be gone in about 15 years…many are already evacuating.”

“We are just 2 meters above sea level so whenever there is a storm surge or large waves, we get swamped. The seawater has worked its way into the water-table and our crops of coconut, banana, taro and breadfruit are failing.

“They say Tuvalu will be gone in about 15 years. There are just 10,000 people in Tuvalu and many are already evacuating to Fiji, New Zealand and Australia. Those that aren’t making plans know that they will have to soon.

“We urgently need climate change not just to slow down or stop but to reverse; even with a relatively strong agreement in Paris, it is hard to see that happening.”

Maria Lopez, indigenous Yanesha leader, from the Peruvian Amazon

Photo: Simeon Tegel/GlobalPost

“In the jungle, we feel climate change every day. The heat is stronger now than it used to be. The seasons have changed now, too.

“We can’t trust the rains to come anymore.”

“We can’t trust the rains to come anymore. There is drought. We don’t know when to sow. If we do it when we did it before, then the crops fail, or grow too small.

“We’ve stopped growing coffee and cacao, our main cash crops, and now rely on our subsistence crops, like cassava and bananas. There is hunger in the communities.

“There is also logging on our lands. Some native people have titles to their lands but many don’t and the loggers get concessions from the government. They tell us that logging makes it hotter.

“We have come to the COP to present our stories and to hear what solution the government will offer us.”

By Simeon Tegel, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.

Phrases only Argentines understand

Photo: Louie Escobar

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1. Ser Gardel | To be Gardel

You are Gardel when you are the way you wanna be, when you don’t need anything else. This expression means “to be on the top,” like Carlos Gardel, the most famous tango singer in history. Being Gardel is attaining a supreme level of self-sufficiency and privilege. You are Gardel if, in summer, you get a canvas pool to put up with Buenos Aires’ heat. And, if you get a house with a swimming pool, you are Gardel with an electric guitar!

2. Me cortaron las piernas | “They’ve cut my legs off!”

On June 30, 1994, Diego Armando Maradona’s World Cup in the USA came to an end when he was marched off the pitch by a nurse, having failed a drug test. That awful day, his career on the national team was surprisingly finished. At the saddest moment of Argentinian sports, Diego said this unforgettable phrase that is still used to refer to an injustice. Of course, we exaggerate that expression to complain about trivial things, like the absence of ketchup on a hot dog stand, for example.

3. Pegar un tubazo | To hit someone with a tube.

Don’t be alarmed if an Argentinian asks you to hit him with a tube; he’s simply saying “call me.” It doesn’t matter if you do it from a telephone, a cell phone or Skype.

4. Ir a llorarle/cobrarle a Magoya | To go crying to (or get your money from) Magoya.

Magoya is the first name of a being whose origin, life story, location, and other biographical data are totally unknown. But there is one thing we do know well: Magoya will never be there when we search for him. Magoya represents an indubitable void. We have never seen him (it?), and we won’t. We just know that if someone warns us: “Do not sell that thing to X, because he never pays his bills,” we do it under our responsibility. And if, finally, X fails to pay what he owes, someone will send us to charge Magoya.

5. Estar hasta las manos | To be up to one’s hands

Sometimes, recognizing and accepting love is really hard. Telling it to a friend is much more difficult. That’s why, perhaps trying to mitigate the impact of the news, Argentinians admit: “I think I’m up to my hands with this girl.”

But we also say we are up to our hands when we are really busy and we don’t have enough time to do everything we have to do (which can also a consequence of being up to your hands in love).

6. Buscarle la quinta pata al gato | To search for a cat’s fifth leg

Argentinians are used to being worried about (or in) trouble. And when we don’t have anything to complain about, we look for it. We buy things with distrust, listen to people wondering if they are telling the truth and see conflict where it doesn’t exist. We love searching for a cat’s fifth leg and, from time to time, we find it!

7. Andar como turco en la neblina | To go like a Turk in the haze

If, as the tango says, “you’re confused and you don’t know what trolley to follow,” then that’s because you go like a “Turk in the haze.” It seems that the origin of this phrase comes from Iberian Peninsula. Many years ago, in Spain, pure wine (no water) was called “Turkish,” because it wasn’t “baptized.” To be drunk was “to catch a Turk.” Is there a better image than a drunk lost in the haze for describing that feeling of being confused?

8. No hay tu tía | There’s no your aunt

“There’s no way to do it, bro. Although you try, there’s no way to solve the problem There’s not your aunt!”

The “atutía” was a substance derived from copper smelting. It used to be used as medicine for certain eye diseases. In Spanish, “atutía” sounds like “tu tía,” which means “your aunt.” “There’s no atutía” was the original phrase to say that something had no remedy. Over time, distortions turned it into “there’s no tu tía”. So, when something has no solution, there’s no your aunt.

9. Hacer algo de cayetano | To do something silently or without telling anyone

If you have the pleasure of visiting Argentina and a friend of yours asks you to do something “de cayetano,” be careful. You don’t have to dress up like San Cayetano, the saint of working. Nor do you have to go to religious procession on August 7. “De cayetano” means “silent” or “without telling anyone.” So, if you’re strolling through the Obelisco and you find a $50 bill, pick it up, but “de cayetano…”

10. Tirar los galgos | Release the greyhounds, or drop pickup lines

Argentina has notoriously beautiful women. In attempting to seduce them, Argentine men improvise speeches, sometimes with success, other times not. Obviously, this is not about a hunting with dogs, (as is practiced in rural areas), but both ways of releasing Greyhounds may have much in common.

11. Ponerse la gorra | Put on the police cap

Argentinians don’t like authoritarian behavior…except their own! There is always somebody who, in moments of joy, prefers to get serious. That’s why we immediately order them to “take the hat off.”

7 things travelers want for Xmas

Photo: SkyDivedParcel

Travelers can be a pain in the ass to Christmas-shop for. We tend to be non-materialistic types, more interested in accumulating foods tried, experiences had, and countries visited than things gathered. But this by no means that you can’t buy good Christmas presents for the travelers in your life. Here are some things that pretty much every traveler wants.

1. Sky miles

If you’re a frequent business traveler, but don’t think you’ll use any of your miles for yourself, give them to the traveler in your life — most airlines allow this. Most hardcore travelers are points-hoarders anyway, using points credit cards for every purchase so as to make sure all of their money counts double. Your gift of a few thousand points will get them that much closer to their next trip, and if you give them a bunch of points, they might be able to stretch it into a full vacation. And it basically cost you nothing.

2. Gift certificates to places that aren’t stores

A lot of people see gift certificates as a cop-out present: “Yeah, I just didn’t have the time to think about what you might want, so I guess you can just go figure it out yourself.” But a lot of travelers collect things much less than they collect experiences, so buying them an experience is a pretty great gift. You can plan it out a bit yourself if you don’t want to feel like you’re copping out. Try places like restaurants, spas, sky-diving schools, jet-ski rentals, amusement parks, beach passes, or scuba-certification courses.

3. Something to document their travels with

I’ve always loved getting notebooks and a good pen as a gift, especially ones that are travel sized. I’ve filled up dozens of them through the years, and the little tidbits that I wrote down while I was traveling — sometimes no more than two words — have sinced morphed into awesome travel stories that I’ve gotten to write about. Photographers will be even more appreciative, as their equipment’s a lot pricier than writers equipment.

4. A smartphone

Smartphones are quickly becoming a traveler’s best friend. They have everything you could possibly need: maps and compasses for those who get lost, translation apps for speaking to strangers in strange lands, travel apps for finding and booking cheap flights, photo apps for amateur photographers, e-reader apps for long train rides, and music for when the other people in your hostel won’t shut up at 2am.

5. Gear

Is your traveler a hiker? Get her boots or a backpack. Is your traveler a diver? Buy him a snorkel. Is he a surfer? Buy him a thesaurus. Most habitual travelers have a hobby that drives their travel, and if you help support that hobby, you’ll help support their travels.

6. Booze

I mean, this goes for everyone and not just for travelers, but travelers who don’t have any money are likely going to be saving as much as possible, and thus will probably not be going out as much as they might like to otherwise, so get them a nice bottle of wine or scotch and offer to help them drink it. Travelers with money are still probably going to appreciate it — maybe arrange a pub crawl in whatever town you’re in at the moment, or go visit a winery or a brewery.

7. World peace

Seriously: Afghanistan and Syria are supposed to be incredible. Ditto Ukraine. Ditto Israel and Palestine. There are a billion better reasons than travel to want world peace (like, for example, having fewer children killed or pressed into the armed forces) but travelers want to see the entire world, and it’s hard to do that when entire countries are inaccessible due to violence or disease. And most travelers are humanitarians anyway. So if there’s nothing else you can think of to get for them, try making a donation in their name to effective giving organizations like The Life You Can Save, or making a microloan in their name on sites like Kiva, or get them politically involved in human-rights organizations.

Best of the East from a Californian

As I was essentially raised on the West Coast of the United States, I had a previously misguided view of the East as being entirely flat, metropolitan, and unimportant to a true adventurer. What could the East Coast possibly have on the Sierras, Cascades, Pacific Coast, southwestern deserts, and abundant national parks?

In a fortunate turn of events, I went from being an undergraduate on the California coast to a graduate student in Maine and quickly came to love the East as I do the West. Now a firm believer of the importance of domestic travel, I’ve finally narrowed down my list to the places which most profoundly reversed my view of this side of the US.




1

Adirondacks, New York

The difference between New York City and upstate New York is drastic. For example, Adirondack Park is larger than any western national park. The park is nearly three times larger than Yellowstone, and bigger than some eastern states. It is a historical landmark in the United States’ push for publicly accessible wilderness and has equal standing with Yosemite. Between kayaking Lake Champlain and deep wilderness backpacking trips in the great range, I found a lifetime’s worth of trip ideas.
Photo: Adam Riquier

2

Northern Appalachians

One of my first experiences with eastern ranges was a hike up Mount Katahdin in Maine. Not seeing how a mile-high mountain could be a challenge, I gauged this hike might take four hours. Those who've hiked the Appalachian Trail or anywhere in Baxter must be floored by that statement. It was a savage, all-day affair, even for this Californian who's used to hiking 14ers. Somewhere in between the precipitous scramble along the Knife's Edge and the perfectly mirrored reflection of "The Great Mountain," I half-walked and half-limped my way toward a genuine reverence for this range.
Photo: Jeffrey Stylos

3

Little River Canyon and Talladega National Forest, Alabama

No trip through the South would be complete without seeing its Grand Canyon. The Little River Canyon drives straight through the plateau of Lookout Mountain and carves an impressive 800-foot gorge. There's a substantial amount of unexplored rock climbing and river running through the uncrowded area. Further southwest, the Talladega National Forest protects the tallest mountains of the state. Mt Cheaha is a relatively short mountain, but has epic vistas which reminded me of something out of the Northern California foothills. Lastly, there's Oak Mountain State Park which is one of only 50-something best mountain-biking destinations named by the International Mountain Biking Association.
Photo: JWagnonPhotography

4

West Virginia

New River Gorge is an obvious candidate for the best known natural feature of Appalachia, and seeing it in person was surreal. Sure the Grand Canyon is wider and deeper but the New River is the oldest river on the continent, slowly carving its way over 325 million years (over four times older than the Colorado River). The sheer remoteness of Seneca Rocks, Spruce Knob, and Canaan Valley along with the hidden beauty of Pocahontas County are just the tip of the iceberg for the mountaineer's state. I haven't had the extensive travel experiences here as I have in New England, but I left with an encyclopedia-length list of things I'd return for.
Photo: Kate Webster

5

Charleston, South Carolina

Charleston is a more coastal version of Asheville, exhibiting surprisingly accessible Southern elegance. It remains delightfully available to even the most economical of travelers. Downtown Charleston had the full range of restaurants, historical sites, and bright southern architecture. Even a wilderness-loving guy like me found enjoyment among the tourists. James Island and Folly Island had very affordable accommodations and a great beach for 20-30-somethings while Kiawah Island was a millionaire's paradise (however, there's a great public beach on the island where you can wander one of the country's best shorelines). Kayaking through marshes full of dolphins and under all the Palmettos and Spanish moss almost made me not miss the coast of California.
Photo: Jen Goellnitz

6

Asheville, North Carolina

Asheville exemplifies Appalachian chic. It’s a city that's elegant but accessible to anyone, and the locals are quite friendly. It’s also large enough and historical enough to have developed its own culture while supporting a thriving 20-30-something scene. Asheville’s a lot like Denver in that respect (and the nearby Black Mountain is like Boulder). Perhaps it was just the crowd I was running with, but it seemed like everything revolved around nature and outdoors. There wasn't an off-season, just different outdoor sports tin perfect weather. Hiking the Black Mountain Traverse and mountain biking the nearby Brevard Dupont State Forest are not to be missed.
Photo: Jay Joslin

7

Pennsylvania mountain biking

The number of mountain biking trails in Pennsylvania expands every year. The state has developed excellent cross-country road biking, but the technical singletracks are just as good. Ohiopyle is right in the heart of the Allegheny Trail and whitewater country. The Baughman, Sugarloaf, and McCune Trails were extremely technical, but I managed to survive and discovered yet another mountain biking Mecca.
Photo: Jonas Nockert

8

Eastern Kentucky/Western Virginia

I put this here for two reasons: Firstly, it is an area of abundant natural beauty. The rugged ridge and valley areas around Wise, Norton, and Big Stone Gap look like waves frozen in time. The rugged semi-alpine summits of eastern Kentucky are frequently overlooked for more popular summits in North Carolina. However, the magnificence of the mountains contrasts with the significant degree of rural poverty that permeates the region. Appalachia has some of the most frequently overlooked, yet persistent poverty in this country. As a family practice student in rural Maine, I was no stranger to rural poverty. I hope that I can continue to be involved in advocacy for the rural poor even though I'm now in the big city.
Photo: Universal Pops

9

Coastal Maine

I’ve kayaked extensively through the Channel Islands of Southern California and Northern California's Lost Coast, along with a few jaunts through Washington’s San Juan and Alaska's Inside Passage. It takes a lot to impress this paddler. Nevertheless, my first 100-mile expedition of the Maine Island Trail was equally adventurous but distinctly Atlantic. Maine has a "drowned coast”; what was once a mountain range is now innumerable archipelagos and rugged coastlines. These tens of thousands of islands, which are mostly preserved in their natural state, make this coast a northerner's Caribbean.
Photo: Brent Danley

10

Natchez Trace and Vicksburg, Mississippi

Natchez Trace Parkway is a favorite among cross-country bikers. This road follows a historical route though the state and follows along rivers and marshes that are as pretty as any mountain. Something which shouldn't be missed in Mississippi is Vicksburg National Military Park. This park is as well preserved as Gettysburg and hold about as much historical significance. Vicksburg is built on the Mississippi River bluffs and was a perfect military base in the Civil War. It was a strategic stronghold that anchored the Mississippi River to the Confederate States. The lengthy trench warfare and siege was some of the fiercest fighting of the war. Once captured, Vicksburg divided Louisiana, Texas and Arkansas from the rest of the South and was instrumental in ending the war. The battlefield is meticulously preserved with monuments for every state that was involved in the battle.
Photo: Stephen Bugno

10 incredibly useful Slovak phrases

Photo: TEDx Bratislava

1. Ako sa máš? [ako sa mash] | How are you?

We Slovaks really mean it and we expect a sincere answer. Depending on how close we are to you, you should choose level of sincerity / politeness. If we are just colleagues who are not really close, it’s okay to say some general information. But if you are my friend, or a closer coworker, I expect to hear details.

The Slovak language is all about being specific and detailed. “I’m fine,” just will not do. We want to know why you are fine.

2. Nech sa páči [nyeh sa paatshi] | Here you are

Often heard in restaurants when ordering a meal, when being served drinks, or even when someone holds the door for you. It’s super confusing, I know! But don’t worry; it is just a polite way to say ‘There you go.’

3. V pohode [fpohodye] | It’s cool / It’s okay

This phrase established its place in the Slovak language just in recent years. Its meaning connects to anything that you want someone to be cool about. It also means you are saying that something is good, e.g. “This club is v pohode.”

4. Jedno pivo, prosím [yedno pivo proseem] | One beer, please

Slovaks celebrate everything with alcohol. Whether it’s just an ordinary night out, promotion at work, or your birthday, one day you will need to order a beer. Beer comes in two traditional sizes: big one (veľké) which is 0.5 litre and small one (malé) which is 0.3 litre. Guys rarely order a small one (just fyi, so be careful when ordering).

5. Na zdravie [na zdravye] | Cheers! / Bless you!

This is one of the first things you learn right after you learn to order a beer. You will hear it everywhere when you try to socialize. Every time you have drinks with someone, and it may be even a soft drink like our traditional wannabe Coca-Cola called Kofola. This common phrase is accompanied with toasting glasses against each other: first with top of the glass, then bottom, and then one more slam against table and you’re good to drink your beer.

Na zdravie is also phrase that we use when someone sneezes.

6. Dobrú chuť [dobroo hut] | Enjoy your meal

Wishing someone bon appetit when he/she is eating is something you can learn from any conversation book or tourist guide. But what do you reply? There are few options ready for this situation. One of them is replying with the same phrase — “dobrú chuť.” The other one is “podobne.” Its meaning is “Same to you,” however, it literally means similarly. You can also say “ďakujem, aj tebe” — meaning, “Thank you, to you too.”

7. Prosím [proseem]

The most universal word in the world! Prosím means please. It also means here you are. It means shock. It means you’re welcome. It means I want. It means asking for a favour. It means WTF. It means basically everything that bitte means in German.

8. Fakt [fucked] | Really?!

All foreigners think Slovaks swear a lot because they hear the word ‘fakt‘ pronounced as English ‘fucked’ everywhere they go. So what’s the matter with us Slovaks? Fakt means ‘really’ in a matter of a shock, as in “Really?!” or “Are you serious?!” Slovaks just use fakt.

Once I was travelling with my friend and her English fiance in my car and we were talking about something in Slovak and every other word we used was fakt. After five minutes, her fiancé shyly asked “Excuse me, but what does fakt mean?”

9. Four levels of Slovak love

Slovaks express their love or affection toward anything in four levels:

1. Páčiš sa mi [paatshish sa me]: related to something you encountered for the first time, “I like (how) you (look).”

2. Mám ťa rád [maam tya raad]: related to something you already experienced or saw before and enjoyed it. You can like your friend, you can like thai food, you can like pink color.

3. Ľúbim ťa [lyoobim tya]: first level of “I love you.” You can love your parents, or your boyfriend/girlfriend, your family, your friends.

4. Milujem ťa [miluyem tya]: the higher level of loving someone or something (close to adoring) and this is usually used for long-term boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband and wife.
10. Ja som s tebou husi nepásol [ya som styebow hoosi nyepaasol]

If you need to put someone in their place, this phrase is ideal. It literally means, “I haven’t herded geese with you,” meaning, you might be a shepherd, but I’m the boss here. Parents use this phrase on their kids when kids get too rude.

7 dates Seattleites go on

Photo: Kris

Thai Tom

With hopes of exuding an aura of cultured worldliness well beyond your years (and financial means) you take your lovely date to Thai Tom. Heads up: first step through the door is tantamount to what it must be like entering that wardrobe-portal to Narnia. You’re a world away from Seattle, surrounded by ceramic elephants and sizzling saucepans of noodle spice chicken. When all else fails in making conversation, at least you can fall back on how authentic the experience is.

The catch with Thai Tom as a dinner-date destination is that as a customer you really are in for an authentic Thai dining experience, in which your definition of a ‘3 star’ pad Thai is at least three scales and an eternally-vacated sinus away from your samurai chef blade-wielding, Marlboro-smoking Thai cook’s definition of a ‘3 star’ dish.

The food’s so spicy it’ll ruin any chance at establishing a comfortable, smooth-flowing conversation with the lovely lady across the table from you because you’ll be too busy wiping a napkin across your sweaty-as-a-ballsack-in-a-sauna face. Waiter, does this pad-see-ew come with a gym towel and a blueberry pomegranate Starbucks refresher?

Caffe Vitta

Taking your date to Caffe Vitta as opposed to Starbucks is like taking your dinner date to a 4-star steakhouse instead of T.G.I Friday’s: you’re telling him / her they’re worth the drawn-out wait time and snobby service, and that you’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck (even though you very well may be). You’ll walk into the intimate, darkly-lit interior only to realize there’s no chance you’ll lock down a table before Vitta runs out of coffee altogether — which would be pretty fucking confounding, considering the store’s flooded with bags of free-trade java beans, intended as hipster-chic decorations.

Maybe if we got rid of the damn java bags, Caffe Vitta, less customers would have to carry on conversations over coffee on a gum-infested sidewalk where hobos are constantly interrupting by begging for Jack in the Box.

Sounders game

The anticipation that steadily mounts leading up to a soccer match does wonders for juicing up a conversation. Fans are pregaming or hammered (because that’s the logical play), and when the game actually starts you need not worry about the faintest trace of an awkward silence with the deafening roar over ‘Clink’ field.

But I hope you’ve put away the last three paychecks. You’re a 90-minute game away from having spent $85 on medium-sized Bud Lights, $20 on a hastily-defrosted burger alongside Kidd Valley garlic fries (after eating which you should never breathe on a human again), and of course the obligatory Sounders Scarf.

The Seattle Great Wheel

The whole time you’ll be asking yourself, what’s so damn great about this? You’re on the waterfront, so the breeze blowing off the ocean is significantly colder than anywhere else in Seattle (so, marine-arctic cold), and you’re realizing now that high heights on automated metal wheels are no place for romantic dates. Plus you guys had to pit stop at the neighboring Ivar’s for a couple of under-baked bread bowls beforehand — and the chowder’s generating white caps in that stressed stomach of yours.

Bainbridge Island excursion

You’ll stroll alongside your date through impeccably-manicured sidewalks, alleyways laden with trash cans cleaner than your kitchen table, garden-paths covered with exotic plants imported from Neverland, toward boutiques and Parisian-inspired cafés comfortably outside the college student’s budget. At one point you whisper hushed promises (with crossed fingers) that this is what your future together could look like — if she’s just patient with your slow, yet steady climb up the greasy corporate ladder.

Drinks at Comet Tavern

Sometimes you’ve had a long day, and you need to fall back on the conversationally-lubricating features of a pitcher or three. Comet Tavern is pretty kickass, with its bartending crew abiding by an unwritten code to wear the man-bun at all times, and its expertly-curated playlists contain legendary rock jams.

As you stare into your date’s eyes, you’ll calmly reflect on the reality that you don’t need to carry on with unnecessary ‘conversation filler’ when the both of you would rather lose yourselves in Lynyrd Skynyrd. Maybe, just maybe, your date’s sights are set on a ‘sim-m-ple ki-i-i-nd of man’ able to chill amid the date’s comfortable moments of silence.

Zoolights (Seasonal)

It’s Christmas time. The extended family, hostile in-laws, and pampered, pesky tweens, teens, and toddlers are in town. There’s no room in the house, so, naturally, you take your date on a trip to Point Defiance Zoo to see the Christmas lights. But it’s the coldest time of year, and at the end of the night, in order to not freeze your nipples off, you consider draping a web of Christmas lights over your frozen limbs.

Then it occurs to you that your date with her lightweight sweater and Lululemon tights was at least twenty-five degrees colder — borderline hypothermic. So you put aside the well-being of your now black-market-diamond-hard nipples and give her your coat. What the fuck were you thinking coming here?

13 signs you grew up snowboarding

Snowboarder Kimmy Fasani at Baldface, BC. Photo: Gabe L’Heureux, via Burton

1. You picture everything around you with snow on it and try to imagine the best line.

Every mountainside is a potential fall line, every hill a cruiser. And it doesn’t end at natural features — that freeway overpass is definitely ride-able, and so is that cabin’s A-frame roof. I bet you could carve a sick s-curve into the side of the earthen dam over there. Man, you just can’t stop thinking about riding. The world is your canvas — whether or not it actually has snow on it, or ever will.

2. Your “sick” days and powder days tend to align.

What’s that? There’s a huge front moving in off the Pacific? 10 inches expected? *Cough, cough* I’m suddenly not feeling so good. I better stay home tomorrow and rest. If the storm, er, fever doesn’t break, then I may need another day to recuperate. Yeah, recuperate, that’s it. Funny how all those sick days occur in winter. Hmm, must be the flu season.

3. Your childhood was a menagerie of broken bones and backyard kickers.

Did the wrist and collarbone once each, ankle twice, dislocated elbow, and you have the x-rays to prove it. Growing up was a constant, repetitive cycle of backyard kickers and nighttime rail jams, ER visits, and neon casts. With each bitter layoff, your hunger to ride and resolve to finish what you started deepened so when the bone finally healed you charged harder than ever before.

4. Your first “snowboard” boots were Sorels.

Before you could afford your first pair of real snowboard boots, you were out in the backyard strapping into a third-hand Burton with a pair of snow boots. And the crazy thing is, even after all these years and expensive gear upgrades, you’ve never been as stoked as you were sliding down the neighborhood sledding hill in beat-up Sorels.

5. You’ve never ridden Alta, Deer Valley, or Mad River Glen.

Don’t want snowboarders around? Cuz we’re all crazy, out-of-control park rats whose mission is to scare the living daylights out of every skier we see? Hey, that’s fine. Discrimination and intolerance is totally okay in this day and age, right? Come on already, take a cue from Taos and let us ride.

6. You chose your college based on its proximity to a decent ski hill.

It was the unspoken reason that led you to Boulder, Gunnison, Missoula, Salt Lake City, or wherever you skipped class to ride 120 days a year. College was just an excuse to get closer to the mountains, closer to what you love. Taking six years to finish that environmental science degree had little to do with course load and everything to do with snow totals.

Snowboarder Kimmy Fasani at Whistler, BC. Photo: Adam Moran, via Burton

7. Your only pair of skis is a splitboard.

That totally counts (at least during the uptrack)! You’ve got (collapsible) poles and everything. Until the splitboard revolution happened, you never thought you’d own a pair of skis. Now, you’re all about two planks — so long as they snap together.

8. You’ve fallen in love in a terrain park.

Is there anything sexier than effortlessly sticking a 360 Japan air or a buttery front-side rail slide? Answer: No.

9. You’ve driven 15+ hours nonstop to find the snow.

Bombing a road trip from Chicago to Colorado or chasing a storm from Northern California into the Cascades, you don’t give a second thought to trading a day (or two or three) in the car for a day in the pow. You probably could have earned a meteorology degree with everything you’ve learned about weather and snow science by monitoring storm systems. Your chops under the hood are no less impressive — can’t nobody keep a 2001 Chevy Astro humming like you. These are the skills that enable you to get on the road to powder at a moment’s notice.

10. You can hot-wax your board in 5 minutes…in the back of your van…blindfolded.

Pay for a tune? That’s what tourists (and fixed-heel skiers) do. You know damn well that the difference between making it through or getting hung up in the flats and crushing or getting stuck in deep pow is a thin, evenly applied layer of temperature-appropriate wax. The skill and savvy with which you apply it is akin to a Japanese master sword-maker carefully honing a katana blade, except you get it done in a flash with only the most rudimentary of tools — wax, iron (any heat source, really. Hell, once you made do with one of those long barbecue lighters), and just enough space to set up.

11. A goggle tan is your only tan.

While the rest of your skin is kept under multiple, impenetrable layers of cotton and nylon, that patch of exposed face between your eyes and chin looks like a leathery loaf of bread left in the oven just a bit too long. And with every passing season, the goggle tan lasts longer and longer. Nowadays, there are only a few months when you don’t rock at least the remnants of a hard-earned goggle tan. It’s a badge of honor, son!

12. You consider Renee Renee an icon.

Sure, you give mad props to sponsored mainstream rippers like Shaun White and Gretchen Bleiler, but if asked who you’d most like to ride with, your immediate answer is Renee Renee — the man responsible for White Heat and the Mtn Lab’s craziest antics never gave up on dayglo onesies. The man. The myth. The legend. The Renee Renee. Keeping it real. Nuff said, ya’ll.

13. There’s always time for just one more run.

Ride every damn day. And the day don’t end and the beers don’t start flowing until the lifts stop turning. While the lifts are running, you’re always up for just one more run. Just one more.

This post is proudly produced in partnership with our friends at Dick’s Sporting Goods and Burton.

Find the 2014-15 Burton Peak Hoodie exclusively at Dick’s.

The 2014-2015 Burton Peak Hoodie serves as a solid midlayer for a day on the hill, and steps up with style when you strip off your shell come apres time. Find it exclusively at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

9 ways to make Irish people like you

Photo: Or Hiltch>

1. Get an early round in at the pub.

No one likes being the guy to remind another it’s their round! If I buy you a drink, I would like the gesture to be reciprocated without having to drag you to the bar. On the other hand, you may have genuinely forgot, or are waiting for a few lads to sly off and save yourself a few pennies. Avoid any of the controversy by offering to buy a round of drinks at your earliest convenience. As the glasses clink and a large chorus of cheers echoes throughout the pub, you’ll feel like an employed man among dole receivers.

2. Claim you like Irish music other than U2.

Ream off the Irish bands that belt out from your iTunes library without using Bono’s name and you’ll have impressed an entire nation. You can finally clinch that position as “friend” when you mention you were a massive Cranberries fan in the ‘90s, pronounce Thin Lizzy without the “h,” and recite the words to C’est la vie by B*Witched.

3. Don’t inform us what is going on in our country.

We’re well aware of our country’s financial situation and some of our questionable laws. As a general rule, we tend not to talk about the serious stuff at the dinner table; we have a strict diet of taking the piss, gossip, and banter! We already know that two guys can’t legally tie the knot and that a woman doesn’t have the right to have an abortion, but please don’t think our society doesn’t want to change these outdated laws. It’s also worth noting that someone may not share your ill-informed opinion about these touchy subjects, so, at least, have some concrete knowledge rather than starting every sentence with “I heard that in Ireland…”

4. Don’t talk shite.

If there’s a breed of animal on the face of the planet that all Irish people detest, it is the shite talker. There’s the one-uppers who incessantly need the final word on every story (If you’ve been to the moon, they brought a ladder to make sure they went further than you), compulsive liars who are having trouble following their current imaginative concoction, and those with a Wikipedia-like knowledge of any subject liable to come up in conversation! There’s a shite talker in every group, and you’ll know who they are when the troops let out a collective sigh of relief as they head to the pub’s bathroom.

5. Say “The Irish one is my favourite.”

I don’t particularly like One Direction, but I’ll be damned if you say you prefer one of the others over Niall Horan. Yea, Bridesmaids was hilarious, but Chris O’Dowd made that movie! No matter what you’ve seen or heard, the Irish at the table want to hear you say that their stars are the best. We’ve never met these people before but they are carrying the Irish flag overseas so we have to give them props…even if we’ve illegally downloaded all of their albums and movies!

6. Pronounce Irish names properly from the off.

There’s no easier way to colour an Irish person impressed than rhyming off words that are admittedly pretty hard to say for visitors! Place names like “Carrantuohill” and “Donegal” for instance are usually butchered so badly that we can sometimes come across as not knowing these places existed on our island in the first place.

People’s names are another beast entirely. It’s the same old battle you face every time you introduce yourself to another nationality. Just remember to spell your name Fo-net-ic-al-ee and hope for the best!

7. Inform us of all the Irish films you love.

First off Darby O’Gill and Leap Year don’t count! By the way, does that tradition really exist?!

It’s a shame many Irish movies don’t make it beyond our fair shores when it comes to reaching a wider theatrical audience, because we’ve made some amazing titles! My Left Foot, Once, and The Crying Game are just some of the wonderful stories told about life in Ireland. Heck we’d even love to hear all the biased history you took in from watching Neil Jordan’s Michael Collins too!

8. Praise our culture to the point we begin to like it again.

Sometimes we forget what a great place we come from, and it’s great to be reminded of it when talking to someone from another country. Come to think of it, I do enjoy all the green I’m surrounded by in the countryside, and at times I even love our accent too! All that administered praise rubs off, and so while we may pretend like we don’t enjoy hearing someone singing our praises, rest assured that we will never ask you to stop!

9. Be up for the craic.

Anything goes with us Irish, and all most of us want to do is have fun. “Craic” is our own unique version of fun and we hope you can join in too. The biggest rules for being a part of the craic are to take a joke as good as you give and know everything is for harmless fun! Sly digs, having a go at someone unnecessarily, or being in any way confrontational are frowned upon in Irish circles! Bad dancing, and the butchering of classic rock is sadly not! So the next time you’re thinking of staying in on a Saturday night, remind yourself of all the craic you’d have out with your Irish friends, hit the town and create some new memories!

Watch Cody Townsend cheat death

Cody Townsend, a 31 year-old Californian daredevil, defied death in a terrifying stunt and the video that resulted from his daring feat is breathtaking.

The stage: a vertical tight couloir in southwestern Alaska. 60 degree steep and 5 to 6 feet-wide at its narrowest.

You can hear Townsend checking out the chute from a helicopter saying: “I’m getting nervous”, but that does not last long. A few seconds later, we see him peering into the couloir before launching down this incredible line at over 60 mph.

In an interview with Outside, Townsend explains that right after skiing that line he thought it was the scariest thing he ever did, but when given some time he changed his mind and said: “it’s definitely in of the top three”.

Townsend’s bold exploits were rewarded by Powder Magazine‘s 2014 Best Ski Line on Saturday December 6th, 2014.

6 memories of every Bronx native

Photo: Axel Taferner

1. Visiting the Pastelito Lady

She might be one of the most treasured memories of every South Bronx childhood. Every block had one, mine was named Lydia. Lydia lived next door and would spend her nights prepping savory Latin dishes to cook and sell in the morning. Every day she’d sit on our corner, her small, worn shopping cart filled with homemade pastelitos, pasteles, and alcapurrias, and sell them each for a dollar.

With every purchase of these Dominican and Puerto Rican traditional fares, you received an aluminum foil wrapped item of your choice, accompanied by one napkin. If you purchased a bundle, or called her beforehand, she would always arrange a special deal. My mother gave her frequent business, especially during the holidays.

2. Opening the pumps in the summer

I remember my first pump experience like it was yesterday. My mother always forbade us from opening one — she hated that with every fire hydrant open, our apartments would lose water for the day. But she never prohibited running through one. And as the spring grew warmer and the summer temperatures engulfed us, like a fever in the night, more pumps opened.

I recall walking home after school one day and encountering the most enchanting fountain of water I’d ever seen. Spraying from a street hydrant, the water pressure was not too harsh, allowing for children to play in it safely. Its tall arch billowed into the street. Like a rainbow, the sun reflected off of the water and its glisten blinded me if I stared too hard. I soaked my clothes running loops under its bow, drenching my coiled hair and staining my khaki pants with dirt and grit.

Cars would drive through and pause directly under the rainbow’s spray. Neighborhood children in hues of cream, caramel, and chocolate would sprint to the driver’s window, requesting to “wash” the car for a dollar. A wash inferred wiping the car with a wet sponge and no soap. Needless to say, most drivers just wanted a rinse and would drive off, leaving the children disappointed and without payment.

3. Listening to the volume wars

Before our generation completely removed themselves from the world — retreating to their headphones and smart devices — there was the boombox. It was the catalyst for community celebration and the first thing you turned on in the morning. Portable and light, with an electrical outlet or a set of four D batteries — you were invincible.

With this blessing came the curse of volume wars. Neighbors would place their treasured portable stereos in the window, with the intent of sharing their music with the community. In one home, salsa music would lead a family into joyfully dancing the afternoon away; in another home, hip-hop rhythms would bring heavy bass and vibrating beats to rapping freestyles; in yet another apartment, wailing voices would sing along to soulful love ballads.

As one song grew louder, the second tune’s volume would rise, and then the third, and so on — ultimately resulting in musical chaos for hours. I’d listen gleefully, tuning through the outside radio stations with selective hearing.

4. Buying candy at the bodega

There were no better days than the ones when I was able to collect enough change to go to the bodega. Plastered with posters of scantly clad women and cigarette ads, lotto signage, and beer stickers, you could never quite see through the windows of these corner stores. Their worn “Grocery” signs were barely legible beneath the layers of dirt, and their lively music boomed onto the street, regardless of whether or not the door was ajar.

Most times, I enthusiastically volunteered to pick up milk for my mother, just so I could keep the change. At the bodega checkout counter, guarded by scratched and faded plexiglass, completely concealing the cashier and anything behind him, I’d gaze over the built-in shelves, displaying an array of sweets, treats, and cigarette choices. Jingling the change in my hand, I’d carefully choose three Sour Patch Kids, two cherry Now and Laters, one Jawbreaker, one Nerds, and five Sower Powers. Then I’d drop my well-spent fifty cents on the counter, proudly, and depart.

5. Finding frozen ices on every corner

Coco, Cherry, Rainbow — those are just a few of the mouth-watering flavors offered in quaint frozen ice carts and placed on every other corner of the South Bronx. With a large patio umbrella strategically tied to the structure, these wheeling carts resemble a long awaited response to distress signals: hand-painted in vibrant reds, greens, and blues, rescuing communities from the summer heat waves. Usually a plump Latin woman with leathered skin, burned orange from the sun, sits gracefully, awaiting her customers. With a smile on her face, showcasing a glowing gold tooth, she plops up from her stool, ready to serve.

On the most humid days, dragging my feet with sweat beads dripping down my back, I would spot the ice carts and join my siblings in begging our mother for 50 cents. We’d desperately run toward the stand, and like a desert mirage, it’d disappear behind a crowd of people waiting in line for their frozen fix.

Whether Delicioso Coco Helado or Piraguas, the refreshing flavors of those Puerto Rican frozen ices are forever tattooed onto my taste buds.

6. Visiting City Island for the first time

When my family finally got a car, we joined the driving Bronxite community in enjoying summer visits to our very own, City Island. Whether late night or throughout the day, the 1.5-mile seaport located in the Long Island Sound had one main street offering access to local seafood dining. City Island Avenue led us to my family’s favorite seafood spot: Johnny’s Reef Restaurant. Johnny’s offered cash-only counter service with a waterfront view of the Stepping Stones Lighthouse.

Whenever we visited, we routinely entered the cafeteria-style eatery, separating from each other to find our preferred queues. I’d wait on the short French fries and slushy line, while my family would join the long, bustling crab, oysters, and shrimp line. We often took our meals to sit amongst the rows of picnic-style outdoor seating, dodging hungry seagulls trying to fly through guarding wires installed above us. Every once in a while a seagull would realize he could just walk under the wires, and off we’d run, protecting our food.