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8 memories of growing up in Philly

Photo: T_Rose

1. Hoagies and Huggies for lunch

For a kid growing up in the Northeast, a perfectly great lunch was an Italian hoagie with Utz chips on the side, accompanied by a lime-green Huggie to drink and a butterscotch krimpet (or other favorite Tastykake or Kandy Kake) for dessert. Cheese or tuna hoagies were great alternatives on Fridays during Lent, and Greenman’s Deli made the most epic hoagies of all.

2. Facing down the supernatural as a rite of passage

Childhood and adolescent tests of bravery often had the special twist of facing down the supernatural. I was initiated by conjuring Bloody Mary alone in a powder room, in the dead of night, in a haunted house, and to this day can’t look into a mirror in the dark. The pounding of sneakers and panicked gasps of breath echoing through the sprawling maze of tunnels under the abandoned Byberry Psychiatric Hospital still haunt my dreams. My stomach drops thinking about our idling car being drawn up Gravity Hill. And I remember, in my bones, the chill in the air that choked me in the vaulted corridors of Eastern State Penitentiary, and the clammy hand that gripped the back of my neck alone in a cell, that said though I could run, I could never forget the truths of where I am from.

3. “Knocking for friends” in springtime

Come late March, icicles thick as zucchinis melting from our corrugated awning dripped a steady tick-tock onto the side steps. A few sparse birds would start tweeting between the drips, then the glass in the door would get replaced by the screen. Fresh air and Mom’s singing would fill the house as she arranged lilacs on the kitchen table. Finally, a knock on the thin metal beneath the screen, followed by, “Can Lauren come out and play?” righted the world entirely again.

4. Advancing to South Street

A driver’s license was like a graduation diploma from the neighborhood roller skating rinks and malls. Mobile young teens trekked to South Street from all points on weekend nights to pay homage to the marvel that was Tower Records and to methodically examine every last shocking item at Condom Kingdom and the nearby leather shops. After, most would go to The South Street Diner or Manny’s to brag over pancakes — a bit too loudly — about how cool they and their friends were, and plan for how awesome the next weekend would be.

5. Fridays with Frank and Sundays with Sinatra

Certain things in Philadelphia just go together, like soft pretzels and yellow mustard and Will Smith and “Summertime.” For the Philadelphia diaspora, these homegrown pairings light up memories full of family, friends, and traditions. For me, the smell of an 8pm cigar mingled with Fridays with Frank on WPHT, and the promise of frying scrapple, highlighted by its morning counterpart, Sundays with Sinatra, will always bring me back to the second floor of our family’s twin home where my dad taught me to distinguish “real music,” and I learned to sing about the glory of doing everything exactly “My Way.”

6. Playing outside in summer

You could tell it was summer in Philly by the buzz in the streets. Kids of every age were suddenly everywhere, popping fireplugs — sometimes with the help of the fire department! — splashing around in the giant fountains on the parkway, and crashing 4-ft pools to make vortexes in their vacationing neighbors’ fenced-in yards.

On my block, we caught fireflies after dusk “out front” on our 18’x18’ lawns and made a mess of the grass “out back” running around under Donald Duck sprinklers. Kids cut the bottoms out of milk crates to make basketball nets, hacked tennis balls to make half-balls, and chopped the bristles off brooms for stickball. Most outgrew Suey (suicide) and Chinese Torture pretty quickly, but Kick the Can never got old. We played all day until the street lamps turned purple to tell us to head home.

Special trips took us to Dutch Wonderland, Hershey Park, and Great Adventure when the weather held up. Smart kids, like me, put statues of the Virgin Mary in their windows the night before every adventure to keep the rain away and made friends with others who could get them into the swim club. Sun tea was the drink of choice until the corn grew high and it was time to go back to school again.

7. Shopping on 9th Street

I did not like the smell of the trash burning in the drum barrels where vendors would cluster to stay warm, or the huge slabs of animal hanging on display in the butcher shop windows. I really did not like the smell in those butcher shops, or the clawing of live crabs and lobsters over chipped ice in the seafood stores, though I did love the meatballs and gravy and spaghetti and crabs that resulted from purchases there within. I hated when my 10-year-old brother drew the attention of DiBruno’s gorgeous sons to my 14-year-old self with his high-pitched diatribe about the impossibility of something being “extra virgin,” as the best bottles of olive oil in the shop boasted.

I liked very much the riot of exotic fruits and vegetables lining both sides of the street in stalls protected from rain and sun by weather-beaten awnings. I loved the smell of The Spice Shop and the way my fingers would get all oily from plunging my hands in the barrels of coffee beans from all around the world. Fante’s was a multi-leveled maze of kitchen stuff that would keep my mom occupied for hours, so I could chase the painted footsteps up and down the wooden ramps to my heart’s delight. I adored the attention from all the dark-haired boys on the street after I got bored with the ramps and waited outside for it finally to be time for falafels at Bitar’s before heading home.

8. Celebrating Christmas for a month

Philadelphia’s many neighborhood parochial schools buzzed for the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Kids would dress up their uniforms with little red and green pins, and girls wore special hair ornaments and earrings. We made decorations, sang Christmas carols, hid secret Santa gifts, and shopped the Christmas Bazaar for tiny presents the whole month. After, we would “skate race” home over thickly iced streets to watch the Charlie Brown “specials” on ABC. I especially loved visiting Santa at Feeney’s because they had a petting zoo in their Christmas Village.

My favorite thing, though, was dressing up and going downtown to see the Wannamaker’s Light Show. Thousands of lights towered seven stories high came to life with the narrator’s booming voice. Hundreds of kids sat rapt on the red carpet, praying Frosty would not melt this time. The drama was intense as the world’s largest pipe organ moved us from scene to scene. Like so many things in Philly, Christmas was not for the faint of heart!

Becoming culturally Australian

Photo: Scott Sandars

1. You can’t recall exactly when you started, but now you call it ‘Stralia.

2. You accept that “yeah, nah” is an appropriate response when asking a yes-or-no question.

3. Your new favorite on-screen romance is Rhonda and Katut.

4. Not only do you eat vegemite on toast, but you understand the delicate art of spreading it on just thick enough to taste it, but not so thick that you gag.

5. You have thong tan lines on your feet year-round.

6. You’ve started to warn visitors of the danger of drop bears.

7. You have come to realize that trying to vacuum all of the sand out of your car is a futile mission.

8. You happily confess that a crisp pavlova topped with fresh cream and fruit is now your favorite dessert.

9. You eat your weight in Thai food every month.

10. Cockatoos have decidedly dropped to the bottom of your “most desirable exotic pet” list.

11. When someone yells “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” you instinctively shout “oi! oi! oi!”

14 signs you're culturally Cambodian

Photo: ND Strupler

1. You sniff your loved ones.

Cambodian culture has different rules for physical touch. It’s not appropriate to kiss your family members or loved ones. Instead, you hug them, and this is often followed by you breathing in the scent of the person you are hugging.

2. You now eat rice three times a day.

In the Khmer language, when you ask someone if they want to eat, you ask “nyum bie?” It literally translates to “Do you want to eat rice?” Like many other Asian cultures, Cambodia’s staple food is white rice. You always start with a steaming bowl of it, to which you add some kind of fresh fish or pork as well as a mixture of green vegetables and some chili peppers in fish sauce. All of these pieces of the meal are kept separate until you actually start to eat.

3. You greet people with the sampeah.

Cambodians greet people and show respect by drawing their hands together at their heart in prayer. You can also show respect to elders by showing this gesture and slightly bowing your head. The highest display of respect is reserved for priests and those of the highest status. You will often see people bend and touch a priest’s feet in order to receive a blessing. You know it’s offensive to forget a greeting and so it becomes habit, even when you leave Cambodia.

4. You call people by a title instead of their name.

Cambodian people are intensely aware of the age difference between you and themselves. One of the first questions you will be asked when meeting someone for the first time is about your birthdate. From that moment on, you’ll be known either as an elder or younger brother or sister. An older brother is called Bong proh, while an older sister is Bong srei. If someone is younger than you, it is acceptable to call them by their first name or add P’ohn in front of proh (boy) or srei (girl).

5. You point at people with your middle finger.

Cambodian people find pointing with your index finger to be very impolite. The middle and pinky fingers are thus your replacements. It’s only appropriate to point at people who are younger than you, though, so you find it best to avoid pointing at anyone in general.

6. You’ll only cook in a group.

Cambodians love to do daily tasks in groups. From going to the market to making the daily meals, you will learn to do things with family and friends by your side. You learn how to work in a crowd and use the different kitchen tools that Cambodia has to offer. This is also a time for you to share and communicate with the people closest to you.

7. Your body no longer craves processed foods, but rather the freshest of ingredients.

Unlike the western side of the world, you can’t find many processed foods in Cambodia. That’s especially true of communities on the water, like Sihanoukville, which have a primary diet of rice, vegetables, fruits, and seafood. A few weeks in Cambodia will make you forget what it’s like to eat anything out of a bag.

8. You expect to hold hands with your close friends as you walk down the street.

Cambodians have a very small personal bubble. If you are friends with a Cambodian, they will sit close to you as you talk and often reach out and touch you mid-conversation. You feel completely comfortable holding hands with any of your friends, regardless of their age or sex. This act of physical touch simply shows that the two of you are intimate friends and that you are as close as family.

9. You smile at everyone you pass and stop to talk to complete strangers.

People in Cambodia are very friendly and open. Many people will stop just to talk and get to know you out of curiosity. This friendliness is contagious in the best of ways. You soon come to realize how much you can learn from strangers who you’d never have met if you hadn’t followed this cultural value.

10. You have the desire to take a two-hour break from work in the middle of the day so that you can go home and nap.

Like in many Asian cultures, a midday break is a vital part of the day in Cambodia. At the hottest part of the day, students come home from school for a break as their parents also have a break from work. You will come to rely on this time to recoup from waking early to finish chores before the heat of the day sets in, as well as to take a much needed shower. Walking through the dusty streets of Phnom Penh in 100% humidity will make showering an important part of your day.

11. You expect to see dancers at every celebration.

Khmer traditional dance is an ancient custom that accompanies any holiday or large gathering. You can easily admire the dancers for their flexibility and movement, moving along to the live sounds of wind and string instruments. Dancers usually wear a traditional top called a sampot which wraps around their bodies. Many times they’ll wear an ornate headdress as well. Much of the dance is done with the hands and feet which are always moving in mesmerizing fashion for the audience. Usually dancing is done only by those who are trained, but on some occasions the audience will take over.

12. You automatically take your shoes off when entering a building.

In Cambodia, you’ll be asked to take your shoes off when entering homes, schools, temples, or anywhere else that holds a place of esteem in the society. It’s a sign of respect.

13. You only eat with a spoon.

No matter what the meal consists of, a spoon is ever-present at the Cambodian table. You get used to scooping up any kind of food with a rather large spoon — be it soup, rice, noodles, or vegetables. Because much of the Cambodian food is on the more liquid side of things, slurping is quite acceptable.

14. You consider everyone in the community to be your family.

The Cambodian mentality is very community based. Holidays are spent with open doors to family and friends in the neighborhood. The Water Festival, celebrated in November, is one of the most joyous Cambodian occasions. You’ll get to know everyone in your community as you spend days drenching each other with water and sharing meals together afterward. If a job needs to be completed, you’ll work together with your neighbors to accomplish it. The Cambodian people come into each other’s houses as if they were all blood related.

50 things to do before you die

Photo by Moyan Brenn on Flickr

Collected from Matador staff and readers, here are 50 experiences to add to your bucket-list.

1. Set foot on each of the seven continents. Antarctica might seem like a tough one, but here’s how. Once you’ve reached all seven you can truly call yourself a world traveler.

2. Cross a country on a bicycle. A bicycle tour takes some planning, but it beats being separated from a country though a passenger-side window.

3. Ride something bigger than a horse. Trekking through the jungle on the back of a two-story elephant will surely be something you remember forever.

4. Live like a local for a month. The experience of visiting native peoples will give you way more insight into another way of life than two years hopping from one backpacker ghetto to the next.

5. Visit a “real” blues bar in Chicago. What better way to leave music’s commercialism behind and find the soul of the blues?

6. Learn another language. This is definitely a weighty and time-consuming proposition, but there are plenty of resources out there to ease the process.

7. Go heli-skiing. The access to snow and terrain via heli is different (read: better) that anything else you’ll ever experience.

8. Travel India by train. With its extensive rail network, this mode of transport is the best way to see one of the world’s most colorful and diverse countries.

9. Climb one of the world’s Seven Summits. Climbing mountains is not for the faint-hearted, but many people rank standing atop one as one of the things to do before you die.

10. Dive with a whale shark. Swimming with these gentle giants is among the most powerful wilderness experiences in the world.

11. Participate in a Carnival parade in Brazil. You haven’t had a good night out until you’ve been to the biggest party in a nation of big parties.

12. Dance tango in Argentina.

13. Surf. It’s not about being a ripper but just catching waves.

14. SCUBA the Great Barrier Reef. The largest coral reef in the world is a must for dive enthusiasts. It is the world’s most unique aquatic environment.

15. Publish an article about your travels. Part of traveling is sharing your experiences with others. Plus, getting published might be easier than you think.

16. Volunteer abroad for a month.

17. Follow in the footsteps of your favorite travel book. What better guide than a book that inspired you to travel in the first place?

18. Take a bush plane ride into Africa’s interior. These lightly visited regions are filled with unique cultures and diverse wildlife.

19. Cross a glacier on foot. Traversing these fast-disappearing natural wonders is an adventure that future generations might not be able to experience.

20. Visit the source of one of the world’s great rivers. Great rivers, like the Nile, have humble beginnings.

21. Climb an active volcano.

22. Buy a boat and learn to sail. Before the Brothers Wright, everyone traveled by wind power. It’s still the most sustainable way to travel there is.

23. Follow your food from field to table. Most people in the world still eat what they have picked with their own hands. Why not get back to these basics?



More like this: 100 things to experience before you die


24. Bathe in the Ganges. What better way to experience the spiritual heart of India?

25. Travel around the world. Sure, you could do this without ever setting foot outside of planes and airports, but few people ever truly traverse the entire globe. Round the world tickets are great for budget-minded wanderers.

26. Photograph an endangered species. Aside from an image you can keep for a lifetime, it will remind you, and others, how fragile life can be.

27. Participate in Burning Man. As they say: “Trying to explain Burning Man to someone who has never been is like trying to explain color to a blind person.”

28. Spend 24 hours alone in the jungle.

29. Learn how to make a national dish. What is the one and only thing that everyone has in common? Eating.

30. Teach English in a foreign country. Sure, it’s a way to fund your travels, but also the experience of a lifetime.

31. Attend a music festival in another country.

32. Cross a country using only public transportation. See a country the way most of its people do: from the window of a bus, train, or ferry.

33. Spend the night in a storied/historic hotel. You might not even have to leave town to experience a night of classic atmosphere.

34. Attend the Olympics. Whatever you say about the commercialism of the Olympic Games, they are one of the biggest events on the planet.

35. Meet your favorite (living) travel writer. They’ve inspired you; now thank them for it.

36. Travel to Germany to experience Love Parade or one of the world’s other big festivals.

37. Partake in a Japanese tea ceremony. This timeless tradition is at the heart of Japanese culture.

38. Join a caravan in the Sahara. See how people can thrive in one of the world’s harshest environments.

39. Go to Oktoberfest. The meeting of over 6 million beer afficionados and drinking song singers is one of the biggest parties in Europe, and definitely one of our things to do before you die.

40. Stand at the North or South Pole.

41. Be in the stands when two rival South American club teams play each other in soccer. Soccer (sorry, football) is a passion for most of the world’s population.

42. Visit the birthplace or grave site of a cultural icon. Could be Che Guevara or Picasso or Levi Strauss or the guy who invented widgets; anyone you think is important.

43. Find your version of “The Beach.” One of the best travel books ever inspired a generation of backpackers. Why not find your own version of untouched paradise?

44. Enjoy a freshly rolled cigar in Cuba. Taste a hand rolled specialty close to its source.

45. Visit every capital city in Europe. The crowded continent is full of beautiful architecture and diverse cultures.

46. Watch an orchestral performance in Vienna.

47. Skydive. It is the ultimate thrill, unless you add a wingsuit, and actually fly.

48. Bike the Pacific Coast Highway.

49. Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country.

50. Participate in the world’s biggest water fight during Thailand’s New Year’s festivities (Songkran). 
What would you add to this list of things to do before you die?

This post was originally published on July 7, 2008.

E.M Forster and travel's dirty side

Photo: Victoria

BEFORE THERE WAS Eat, Pray, Love, Under the Tuscan Sun, A Year in Provence, Enchanted April – and any number of travel narratives about light-skinned people getting in touch with their insides during visits to lands of dark-skinned people — there was E. M. Forster.

It’s debatable whether the author of classics like Where Angels Fear to Tread and A Room with a View invented the above genre, but it’s safe to say that his romantic vision of self-transformation through travel is still being reckoned with today.

So it may come as no surprise that in his own life, E. M. Forster underwent a similar voyage of self-discovery while abroad from his native England. In the recent novel Arctic Summer, author Damon Galgut creates a fictional biography of the great British novelist, who like a character from a novel, gets out of town to find himself. What Forster actually finds, however, is somewhat grittier and grimier than what a reader might find in a Forster novel.

In E. M. Forster’s first four novels (Angels, Room, the masterpiece Howards End, and the not-so-masterpiece The Longest Journey, which unfortunately lives down to its name), sex and violence are present but not visceral. Characters die at the stroke of a pen rather than the end of a bloody sword. When sex occurs, it’s confusingly offstage; blink, and you’ll miss it.

In fact, the wonderful New Zealand story writer Katherine Mansfield memorably quipped about Howards End that she could never be sure as to whether a main character was impregnated by a man or by his lost umbrella. “All things considered,” she concluded, “I think it must have been the umbrella.”

More than a decade passed between Howards End and Forster’s next published novel, A Passage to India, boldly colorful, sensual, mystical, violent, and vital. Suddenly Forster’s characters fully inhabit their bodies, which get pierced by thorns, feel sticky with sweat from the tropical heat, even experience twinges of sexual desire.

What can account for this dramatic change of style and scope? If Galgut’s book is any guide, perhaps it’s the fact that Forster, at the ripe old age of 37, finally managed to lose his virginity — by traveling abroad.

It couldn’t have been easy for Forster, who was secretly gay at a time and place where homosexuality was illegal. Indeed, in 1895, when Forster was a teenager, Oscar Wilde was famously convicted of being gay and sentenced to prison with hard labor for what was then the crime of sodomy.

Though Forster was aware of his sexuality and had friends like the writer-philosopher Edward Carpenter who was openly gay, it wasn’t until he went to Egypt that he felt able to do anything about it. Galgut’s novel dramatically portrays the scene in which the great writer experiences sex for the first time, in the form of a blow job with a stranger at the beach of Alexandria.

Afterward, the fictional Forster is described as:

“Crouching down to recover, keeping his head low, he whispered it to himself, not quite believing it was true: “It has happened… It has happened.” He was thirty-seven years old.”

Galgut’s novel then dramatizes how Forster goes on to have a romantic affair with an Egyptian tram conductor as well as a sexual relationship with a servant while Forster works for a local maharajah in India.

It’s always dangerous to read fiction biographically, yet Galgut’s book makes a persuasive case that if Forster had not traveled to Egypt and India, he might never have actually acted upon the secret he kept hidden from the public all his life, nor would he have been capable of writing A Passage to India. And in Galgut’s hands, Forster’s expression of his sexuality is nothing as mystical or romantic as the lovely swoon in A Room with a View. Galgut ably portrays some of the seamy side of Forster’s relationships, like the inherent power and economic imbalances between him and his native partners. In addition, Galgut describes Forster as a clumsy lover, a clumsiness that mirrors the clumsiness with which Forster often wrote about sexual subjects.

And yet, for all its attention to realism, Galgut’s writing can at times feel a bit leaden, a bit too bound by facts on the ground, even for a book with a “true” subject. Forster’s style and his books have their flaws, but they also have the power to inspire and provoke, as A Room with a View, Howards End, and A Passage to India still do to this day. Ultimately, Galgut’s novel, well-done as it is, feels more like a skillful exercise in revisionism rather than a great work of art.

I wouldn’t want to have lived Forster’s life. But I wouldn’t mind being able to write a novel half as brilliant as his best works.

What your drink order really means

(via)

Forget your haircut, the clothes you’re wearing, and your body language; believe it or not, your bartender can tell everything about you by what you order at the bar. Here is what your drink order says about you (according to your bartender):

Goose & Cranberry (or Red Bull): You don’t know what you’re doing.

Whiskey, neat: You’re hot.

Jäger Bombs: If you are a male, you miss your frat boys. If you are a female, you have low self-esteem that can only be appeased by sex with a stranger.

Old-Fashioned: You recognize the value in hard work, and hold the reward for that hard work in high regard.

Bailey’s on the rocks: You still live at home with your parents.

Moscato: You’re just ordering this ‘cause you heard it in a Drake song (p.s. it is a sweet Italian wine).

Bacardi 151 for a friends: You’re a dick.

Bacardi 151 for yourself: There’s something wrong with you.

Demand something free: You are with a group of squealing girls wearing tiaras and/or matching shirts and will tip poorly (if at all).

Long Island Iced Tea: Your ID is fake and you are here to get white-girl wasted.

Apple-Tini: You hate the taste of alcohol.

Whatever’s cheap: (In my head: you!). This is an sign that you won’t be tipping either.

Jameson: You know what you’re doing.

Cosmopolitan: You’re aging, lack imagination, and have watched too much SATC.

White Russian: You have never worked in a bar before, so you have a fool-hearted confidence that the milk in the cooler is not expired.

Shot of well Tequila: You are emotionally unstable.

Don Julio on the rocks: You too know what you’re doing.

Patron Margarita: You wish to spend $15 on a drink that will taste exactly the same as a $7 drink.

Champagne for everyone: You have too much money and don’t know what to do with it.

Hennessy and Coke: “Can you guys play some rap music?”

PBR: Hipsters don’t tip.

Alize in a snifter: “Oh, you (think you’re) fancy, huh?”

Amaretto sour: You’re a female who never knew what to order, so a bartender made it for you once and now you order it all the time because it’s the only drink you know how to order.

1 Candy Apple, 2 Porn Stars, 1 Sour Jack…: “Are you fucking with me?!” You are the bane of my existence.

Gin & Juice: “Sure buddy, is Snoop Dogg shooting a music video in here that I’m not aware of?”

A Hi-Ball: It’s your first time in a bar, you heard they were on special, but you have no idea what a hi-ball is. But you still ask the bartender for a “Hi-Ball.”

Caesar: You’re hungover.

Bottle of Rosé: You cry during sex.

Compiled by Lisa Millar-Jones from the bartenders at Caprice Nightclub and republished by permission.

Story behind the shot: Petra, Jordan

Photo by author.

After a long day of getting repeatedly lost, we arrived at Petra’s largest monument, The Monastery. It was already getting dark and we had been warned to exit the park before sundown. A Bedouin man approached us, and pointed to a higher mound in the distance.

“It is the best view in the world,” the Bedouin man said. Entranced by his factual tone, we believed him in that instant. The sky began to turn orange as he led us up to the mound with a couple other Bedouin men. He was right. It was too spectacular for words to describe.

As we excitedly took photos and shot video, my gaze turned for a second to one of the Bedouin men who sat down and stared at the sunset. For a second I thought I could see in his expression the same wonderment we were feeling — as if he was seeing it for the first time like us. Whilst we were astounded, he was tranquil. Perhaps he was looking further than we were. Then he stood up and turned to one of their camels, stroking it gently.The sun set gloriously behind them, leaving the Rose City and its surrounding empire black, silent, and still.

5 lies about moving to the Bronx

Photo: Jason Eppink

1. I’m not tough enough for the Bronx.

Al Pacino once said “I don’t need bodyguards. I’m from the South Bronx.” The Bronx has long had a reputation as being a tough place to live. The poorest of New York City’s five boroughs, the Bronx has struggled to change the image it earned during the tumultuous 1960s and 70s, when the Bronx burned with arson fires, violent crime, and unchecked poverty sent middle class families into flight.

With the image of the scorched Bronx seared in my mind, I questioned how a scared, working-class white guy from Staten Island was going to survive in this unforgiving urban jungle. Was I tough enough to live in a borough that doesn’t even have a Whole Foods?

Now it’s 2014, and the fires have long since burned out. Far from being the poster child for failed cities, the Bronx is once again enjoying an economic revival. The Bronx is home to working-class people who are priced out of other boroughs. It’s home to enclaves of West Indian, Irish, Italian, and Dominican immigrants.

I had it wrong; it’s not the crime and poverty that makes people from the Bronx tough. As De Niro put it in A Bronx Tale, “It don’t take much strength to pull a trigger. But try to get up every morning day after day and work for a living. Then we’ll see who’s the real tough guy. The working man is a tough guy.” That’s what it means to be Bronx tough.

2. At least there are plenty of subway lines.

You won’t need a car! The Bronx is connected to Manhattan by six subway lines, and most lines originate in the Bronx, you think. So if you are lucky enough to be at the start of the line, you will almost always get a seat. Weekdays the trains are pretty reliable, and you can easily get where you are going — so long as your destination is in Manhattan or Brooklyn. Forget about using the subway to cross the Bronx, or to easily get from the eastside to the westside of Manhattan on one train. Also, don’t make plans on the weekend before checking to see if you train line has been shut down for the entire weekend for “scheduled maintenance.”

On second thought, keep the car. The Bronx is the only one of New York City’s five boroughs that is not an island, which makes it the easiest place to use your car to escape the zombie apocalypse.

3. My “City” friends will still come to visit me.

No, they won’t.

Most “New Yorkers” are not even really from New York, and they consider “The City” to be Manhattan, mostly below 72nd Street. Ask your friends to travel to the Bronx for a trip that does not include the Bronx Zoo or the New York Botanical Garden, and you may as well have asked them to visit you in Canada.

Although you’ve discovered that the Bronx does not live up to its scary reputation, your friends are still not going to be convinced. Tell them the subway ride from Atlantic Avenue to your house will take less than 90 minutes, and you’ve really screwed yourself out of friends. The truth is you are no more willing than they are to spend that much time on the filthy subway on your day off. So get a cute dog instead and you will make lots of new friends.

4. I’ll never find an apartment like my old one.

No, you won’t — and that’s a good thing. You’ve moved to the Bronx because you are tired of sharing a 600-square-foot apartment in Murray Hill for $2,200/month.

Unlike some of the other boroughs, you can still find affordable, good-sized, they-just-don’t-build-them-like-that-anymore apartments here. World-class examples of original art deco buildings line the a triumphant old-world boulevard known as the Gran Concourse. You can even choose to rent a house.

In the Bronx, tough, working-class people can still dream of buying a home — just maybe not one of the multi-million dollar homes in Fieldston. This is still New York City, and the housing costs are still too high, but you can at least live here and still feed yourself, and maybe even afford some furniture.

5. I’m never leaving my apartment.

You will. This is still New York City, and every corner of New York has a vibe that’s all its own. If you kept your car, you could visit City Island with its New England fishing-village feel and its numerous seafood restaurants. You will discover who makes the best jerk chicken in Wakefield. You will discover Free Saturday Mornings at Wave Hill, a small botanical garden in the heart of Riverdale with unparalleled views of the Hudson River. You will dine at a restaurant on Arthur Avenue — the real Little Italy.

There are over 7,000 acres of parkland in the Bronx, including the largest park in New York City, Pelham Bay Park. There is even a beach in the Bronx. You might even jump on your bike and join the annual Tour de Bronx, a 40-mile biking event across the borough. There are theaters, museums, green markets, cricket pitches. Hell, we even have a baseball team here.

The Bronx is dynamic, energized, and ready to be rediscovered. It’s gone through some rough patches in its life, but its wounds have given it character. The Bronx of today is a place for real New Yorkers, who to get up every morning, day after day, and work for a living.

What Aussies can learn from Kiwis

Photo: studio tdes

1. Be yourself, humbly

Plain and simple, nobody likes arrogance, Australia. You may be way bigger than New Zealand, but that doesn’t make you better by any means. Take a good look in the mirror; it’s not like you’re China or America or some other powerhouse country. You’re still an island in the middle of nowhere just like your friends down south, so learn to embrace it. Despite your penal-colony upbringing, you’re not a country full of convicts anymore, so take a page from the Kiwis’ book and handle your national pride with poise.

2. The definition of good wine

Australia might boast a great label here and there and might export a lot, but no one can deny the true magic that is New Zealand wine. The lush terrain and conditions of New Zealand simply lend themselves better to growing grapes than the dry desert outback. So, Aussies, pick wisely next time you’re pairing a red with your kangaroo steak. Unless you’re just using it to cook with, then, by all means buy local.

3. Inclusion and preservation of native culture

While both countries share their land with indigenous populations, New Zealand’s inclusive approach to the Māori is clearly superior to the Australian relations with the Aboriginal. From the traditional Haka (Māori war dance) performed before rugby matches to Māori being an official national language taught in schools and used in public media, the Kiwis’ have managed to maintain the native culture of their country much better than Australia.

4. The true origin of the sandal

Although the rubber-soled sandal goes by many names around the globe, the great debate between “thong” and “jandal” must be awarded to New Zealand. In 1957, a Kiwi businessman actually had the idea for today’s flip-flop after seeing the wooden sandals worn in Japan. Thus the jandal was born: japanese + sandal = jandal. Don’t think we can really argue with the inventor…

5. Proper meat pie mania

The Aussies and Kiwis cling to the meat pie as their own, but Australia does not seem to represent this delicious snack to quite the same degree. It is the official New Zealand national dish, and Kiwis eat about three more pies per year than their Aussie counterparts. Alas, the real tiebreaker? In New Zealand, you can order a meat pie straight off the McDonald’s menu. A little behind on that one, Australia.

6. How to read punctuation

Aussies can learn a thing or two about proper English from the Kiwis. New Zealanders might have a problem pronouncing their “i” and “e” leading to some hilarious misunderstandings (i.e., six vs. sex), but at least every sentence doesn’t magically transform into a question. If you’ve ever carried on a conversation with an Australian, you know the exact end-of-sentence-upswing I’m talking about. I’ll have two? Well, will you or won’t you?

7. Deadly animals are, well, deadly

The rest of the world definitely loves visiting these two islands, but do tourists love the constant, looming threat of death? Sure, they want pretty landscapes, but New Zealand provides those without the most venomous and lethal animals on the planet. Australia really can’t compete with the Kiwis when it comes to safety in nature. There are no poisonous snakes in New Zealand, just fyi…

8. The “cold” will not kill you (unlike your wildlife)

In fact, if cooler temperatures are the price to pay for such an EPIC landscape, bring them on! Swimming in 12°C is absolutely worth it with the unmatched beauty of the mountains engulfing you. Not to mention the benefit of snow! It sure makes skiing a lot more enjoyable. And remember that remarkable wine? It’s all thanks to the “cold” that’s unbearable to so many Aussies. Two words: man up.

9. How to play rugby

Speaking of manning up, the last time the Aussie national rugby union team defeated the Kiwi team for the annual Bledisloe Cup was in 2002. Twelve years ago! And a Google search will showcase that winning seems to be the trend for New Zealand. This is one sport the Kiwis hands-down know how to dominate.

10. The taste of delicious oysters and seafood.

When your entire country is basically a strip of coastline, it is hard to get seafood wrong. What might be considered a prime piece of Whiting in Australia would be scoffed at and turned into processed cat food in New Zealand. Just try some of their fresh oysters. There is no competition.

11. What it means to be born somewhere

Yes, Lorde, Kimbra, and Crowded House are all from New Zealand, not Australia. Although outsiders might not be able to tell the difference between a Kiwi and an Aussie right away, that doesn’t make it okay to take ownership of celebrities that aren’t yours, Australia. Stop being a hog and let New Zealand share some limelight. After all, Russell Crowe is theirs, and I think we can all appreciate that contribution.

In Jordan, bring a bible.

Photo: Hubert Stoffels

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED in traveling to the Middle East but aren’t sure where to begin, kick-start your trip through the holy land in Jordan. With its welcoming people, small size, and manageable number of sacred sites, Jordan is the place to go biblical.

Mt. Nebo.

Start at piney Mt. Nebo, where Moses first beheld the Promised Land of the Canaanites. In the valley below, Jerusalem’s golden dome (the Temple of the Rock) and the salty white shores of the Dead Sea glisten in the sun like the North Star did for the Three Magi.

If you listen carefully, you can almost hear the babbling brooks of milk and honey, the tumbling of the walls in neighboring Jericho, and the history echoing through the quilted valley below (Deuteronomy 32:49-50).

Bethany beyond the Jordan.

Down by the banks of the muddy Jordan River lies Bethany beyond the Jordan. Amidst the wispy tamarisk, willow, and poplars trees, Jesus was baptized here in this once mighty river by his closest friend and companion, John the Baptist (Matthew 3:13). If you R.S.V.P. and B.Y.O. Priest you can be baptized here too.

John the Baptist loses his head.

Heading south, you’ll soon be rewarded with breathtaking views of the crystalline waters from the lowest point on earth: the Dead Sea. From its sodium-encrusted shoreline, the windswept hills undulate towards the heavens.

Between heaven and hell, at the sleepy shepherd’s village of Mukawir, Herod the Great’s castle ruins perch precariously atop a 700m hillock.

This is where Herod Antipas, Herod the Great’s successor, had the head of John the Baptist served up on a silver platter at the request of the legendary seductress Salome, his niece and step-daughter (Matthew 14:9-12).

Sodom & Gomorrah.

The further south you go, the more scandalous the stories become. Towards the Nabataean ruins of Petra, not far from the village of Safi, you’ll find Lot’s Cave. Lot and his two daughters took refuge here from the fire and brimstone that destroyed the original sin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

While no remains of Lot or his daughters were ever found, not far from the cave stands a pillar of salt that many believe to be what’s left of Lot’s wife. By disobeying the warnings of the angels to not look back at the razing of her beloved twin cities she was sodium-ized for all eternity (Genesis 19:30).

The cooler, older brother of Moses.

Within hiking distance from Petra, amidst the iron-stained sandstone of Wadi Musa (the well of Moses) is Jebel Haroun. On top of this mount — revered by Muslims and Christians alike — is the tomb of Aaron, Moses’ cooler, older brother.

Pay homage here to the man described in the book of Exodus, and later popularized in church camp songs, as the one who dared to say “Pharaoh, pharaoh, hey-ho, let my people go…”

This article was originally published on July 10th, 2009.