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What is the best language to learn?

Photo: CollegeDegrees360

Over the last two years, I’ve spent some time learning Spanish. Progress has been slow but steady. I’ve taken a 10-week evening class at UCL’s Centre for Languages, completed levels 1-3 of Rosetta Stone and finished the Duolingo tree, meaning I can sort of carry a conversation, but always peppered with mistakes and pauses. If I can become more comfortable with making mistakes, I’ll hopefully improve vastly over the next six months as we travel through South America.

My partner, Peter, is keen to acquire a second language but isn’t yet sure which is best. It’s a dilemma many would-be learners face, and it often stalls their efforts altogether. What if I choose the wrong one?

Below we take a look at the best language to learn based on different criteria, offer suggestions under each category and examine whether or not each criterion is actually a good way of deciding which language you should learn.

Most widely spoken

Mandarin: 955m speakers

Spanish: 405m

English: 360m

Hindi: 310m

Bengali: 300m

(Source: Nationalencyklopedin)

Most ‘widely’ spoken is a common deciding factor but it’s also a bit of a misnomer. It suggests that the language is spoken across large swathes of the world when, in fact, several of the top 10 are constrained to a narrow area and qualify only because of the vast population in their nation states.

Take the image below. There are more people living inside that circle than outside. If you learnt Chinese, you could speak to 37% of the world’s total population but only three countries count Mandarin as a national language, according to the CIA World Factbook. In contrast, French is a national language in approximately 29 countries across the world. Is Mandarin really more ‘widely’ spoken? Unless you plan to spend a substantial amount of time in China and its rural areas, this reason can be a bit of a red herring.

There is also the argument that Mandarin will usurp English as the world’s lingua franca. These fears are largely unfounded, says Dr. John McWhorter, author and linguist at Columbia University. In his book, The Language Hoax, he explains that Mandarin is extremely difficult to learn beyond childhood and that truly mastering the writing system requires, in all practical terms, being born to it. The approachability of English, he says, has secured its position as language of the world and if China rules, it will rule in English just as the Mongols and Manchus once ruled China without spreading their own language.

If you want to learn a language purely for bragging rights, then go for Mandarin. Otherwise, keep reading.

Best for business

English (US: 17,528 GDP and UK: 2,828 GDP)

Mandarin (China: 10,028)

Japanese (Japan: 4,846)

German (Germany: 3,794)

French (France: 2,827)

(Source: Centre for Economics and Business Research)

Another popular criterion for choosing a language is the potential career benefits it might offer. The rationale is that if you can converse in the language of the world’s strongest economies, you’ll be in better stead for employment and progression. Under this criterion, Mandarin is once again the best language to learn as an English speaker. However, it’s worth noting once again that due to its complexity, Mandarin is unlikely to become the standard language for business. In fact, it’s hard enough for natives. Take this anecdote from Sinologist David Moser: in his essay Why Is Chinese So Damn Hard, he writes that he once asked three PhD students at Peking University how to write the equivalent of “sneeze.” Not one of them could correctly produce the characters. Moser explains that Peking University is considered the ‘Harvard of China’ and asks, “Can you imagine three PhD students in English at Harvard forgetting how to write the English word ‘sneeze’?”

If you’re keen to improve your employment prospects by really mastering a language (instead of just adding it at ‘Basic Level’ on your CV), consider one of the languages further down the Top 5. French, for example, is not only good for business, it actually is widely spoken across the world (i.e., in more than a handful of countries).

Ease of learning

Ordered from most speakers to fewest speakers:

Spanish

Portuguese

French

Italian

Romanian

Dutch

Swedish

Afrikaans

Norwegian

(Source: Foreign Service Institute, US Department of State)

If you want to learn a language purely for academic reasons (i.e. to exercise your learning muscles or just as a hobby), then level of ease is a perfectly acceptable way to choose. According to the Foreign Service Institute of the US Department of State, English speakers can relatively easily pick up eight European languages as well as Afrikaans (with 600 class hours per language that is). The graphic below also shows other common languages in increasing levels of difficulty.

Choosing a language for ease can build confidence quickly, giving you the motivation to continue on to fluency.

Beauty

French

Spanish

Italian

Portuguese

Romanian

Alas, there is no way to subjectively measure the beauty of languages. However, if you’re set on becoming a modern-day Don Juan, few would argue against the Romance languages listed above. French in particular is, as a character from The Matrix put it, like wiping your arse with silk. Can’t argue with that.

Culture

Finally we come to what is probably the best criterion for choosing what language you want to learn. Which country or countries do you see yourself spending time in? How much do you like the locals? What literature do you wish you could read in its original language? What films do you wish you could understand? If you have a genuine interest and passion for a language and the culture behind it, you will more likely persevere when you hit a wall. I love Spain and the Spaniards, and I’ve always been desperate to go to South America. I’d love to read Gabriel Garcia Marquez in his original language and see Almodovar in his. For these reasons, I am able to persevere when I feel I haven’t made much progress in the last year or when the difference between the present participle and gerund is seriously screwing with my mind. If I were learning Mandarin for bragging rights or employment prospects, I’m just not sure I’d stick with it.

The verdict

If I were to take a completely objective point of view, I would recommend French. It ticks all the boxes. It may not be the most ‘widely spoken’ language by volume but its reach goes much further than Mandarin and its economy is only behind China, Japan and Germany in terms of non-English speaking countries. Furthermore, French is relatively easy, sounds beautiful and has a rich and colourful culture to boot. So, even though I’m learning Spanish as my third language, overall, I would recommend French.

Think French is a rubbish choice? Mastered Mandarin despite the odds? Tell us in the comments below.



This post originally appeared on Atlas & Boots — Travel with Abandon and is republished here with permission.

To the end of the world in Sri Lanka

All photos by the author.

To see the end of the world, you need to get up early.

So it’s before dawn that I get up and go to find the jeep that will take me to Horton Plains National Park. Walking deep into the park, I will find ‘The World’s End’, the high clifftop with a view all the way across this island country to the shore and beyond. But if you’re not there by about 9 o’clock in the morning, you will miss it. Every day a huge blanket of mist folds over the vista and covers it for the rest of daylight hours.

And so the jeeps and the tour buses arrive early in the morning, shortly after the sun rises. The road can only take you so far so the carpark fills up. A deer or two eat grass and pose for photos but there’s not much to see from here. The trekkers — myself included — head for the start of the track.

The World’s End is about halfway along a nine kilometre circular route through the park. I reach it in time, just before the mist takes over the sky. High on a cliff, I look down, more than 1,200 metres to the bottom and no fence between me and air. A few clouds hang beneath me but they add to the majesty of this view, where mountains become highlands and then roll into fields that come to an abrupt end at the coast. The ocean is 80 kilometres away but I can see it on the horizon.

This is the main tourist attraction of Horton Plains National Park, but it’s not nearly the most important thing here. The park, along with the nearby Peak Wilderness Protected Area and the Knuckles Conservation Forest, make up a World Heritage Site called The Central Highlands of Sri Lanka. It’s a unique ecosystem with abundant flora and fauna that’s been described as “a super biodiversity hotspot.”

It’s all in the details, though. Other than the Sri Lankan leopard (which is almost impossible to see here) most of the special species of flora and fauna are quite small — birds, lizards, flowers, herbs, and so on. It helps to know what you’re looking for or to walk slowly and take careful note of the details. Some people walk the track with local guides — not because there’s any chance of getting lost but because the best of the park could be lost on them.

That’s not to say the landscapes along the way are not worth the journey also. It’s not the most spectacular World Heritage Site I have ever been to and, other than the cliff views, nothing figuratively took my breath away. However, it’s a beautiful part of the country where forests, plains and water all merge together.

This article originally appeared on Time Travel Turtle and is republished here with permission.

Photos of the Spirit of Burma

BURMA, ALSO KNOWN AS MYANMAR, has had a rough few decades. A military coup in 1962 was followed by years of oppression under a military junta, as well as some pretty awful ethnic conflict. Because of this, it hasn’t been particularly easy to travel to Burma until relatively recently, when the junta was nominally dissolved in 2011.

The country is a beautiful place, though, with ancient temples, kind and welcoming people, and amazing natural beauty. Photographer Felice Willat traveled through the country in 2009, before it truly started opening up, and captured some of these amazing photos of the land and its people.

All photos taken by the author except where otherwise noted.

This article was originally published on April 21, 2009.

1

Old woman in Pagan

An old woman smokes a cheroot cigar in Pagan. Photo by Jose Javier Martin Espartosa

2

Horse cart in Bagan, Myanmar

n the ancient city of Bagan, formerly known as Pagan, you will still see oxcarts and horse carts as ordinary transportation. A family pays their respects to the young novice in training as they pass by one of the many hundreds of grand temples and pagodas.

3

Golden cave in Pindaya, Myanmar

This golden cave near Pindaya, Burma, contains over 8,000 images of Buddha in all shapes and sizes. Some of the older statues and images in the cave have inscriptions dating to the late 1700s.

Intermission


37
14 signs you were born and raised in British Columbia
by Jordan Oram




16 images of otherworldly Antarctica
by Tom Richardson



1
Ryan Libre speaks at TED 2011 in Thailand
by Jason Wire













4

Inle Lake fishermen, Myanmar

Around Inle Lake, you will see the unique Intha Fishermen who balance one foot on the tip of their narrow boat and oar with the other ankle. The golden weir on the boat is the fishing net.

5

Burmese laborer carrying a sack

This man has most likely been forced out of his village to work as hard labor. The more bags of charcoal he can carry off the boat, the more he will earn.

6

Two sisters bathing in a lake near Pindaya, Myanmar

Two sisters bathe around 8 a.m. in the large lake near Pindaya across from golden temple spires. They are unashamed to perform their daily ritual as we observe nearby.

7

Children vendors in Myanmar

Our small group attracts many children who offer us fragrant flower necklaces and magic lava rocks. Most people in Burma use thanaka -- a paste made from tree bark -- to paint their faces and protect them from the sun.

8

Buddhist novices in red robes, Myanmar

Playful novices look forward to a few minutes away from their rigorous training in the monasteries. Their red robes stand out from the old white-washed temple.

9

Burmese Buddhist nun smoking a cheroot

An 84-year-old nun smokes a cheroot -- an herbal tobacco cigarette.

Intermission


139
15 signs you were born and raised in Monterrey
by Iliana Garcia




The amazing flora and fauna of Ecuador’s Cloud Forest (PICS)
by Karin-Marijke Vis



5
Fostering homegrown photography in northern Myanmar
by Ryan Libre













10

Intha Fishermen in the evening

Two Intha Fishermen head out from the wharf where we spent a few ends of days -- a good time to fish.

11

Monkeys in Mt. Popa, Myanmar

In Mt. Popa, Burma, capersome monkeys outnumber the population and live amongst the villagers. They love to perch on monuments and colorful facades for some good portraits!

12

The ruins of Bagan, Myanmar

The ruins of Bagan cover an area of 16 square miles. The majority of its buildings were built in the eleventh to thirteenth centuries when Bagan was the capital of the First Burmese Empire. Standing atop one of the thousand temples, a Bagan sunset is an awesomely beautiful and iconic landscape.

13

Novices in Mandalay

A group of young novice Buddhist monks at a monastery outside of Mandalay. Photo by Dietmar Temps

14

Burmese woman with basket on her head smoking a cheroot

Herdsmen, field workers, and families use baskets across their shoulders and on their heads to carry crops, kindling wood, and even their babies. Many smoke cheroot cigars to relax.

15

Young Burmese men laughing together

All young Buddhist boys live at least 6 weeks a year in the monastery during their childhood -- many will spend their entire lives. It appears these boys are sharing common stories.

16

Young girl in Bagan

A young girl plays at her school near Bagan. Photo by Dietmar Temps

17

Myanmar's U-Bein Bridge

Burma's U-Bein Bridge is the longest teak bridge in the world built from unwanted teak columns from the old palace during the move to Mandalay. Everyday at sunset, monks, cyclists, villagers, and oxen parade across like shadow puppet theatre.

10 reasons not to date a Mexican man

Photo: yeyito

LADIES, take it from me. They will steal your heart. They will own it. They will take your breath away. They will turn your round irises into heart shapes. They will make your knees tremble. And once you go Mex, you can never go Ex.

1. You will get addicted to those guacamole dips they make every day.

Onions, tomatoes, lemon, an avocado, and its seed — that’s the perfect recipe for a cabron’s daily nutritional need. It may look like they’re just randomly mixing stuff in a bowl, but in reality, they are brewing perfection. I tried to do this myself but it’s never the same.

And when you try to ask for the recipe, they don’t have it. It’s just a natural talent. Why they include the avocado’s seed is another mystery.

2. You will long for their warm hugs and then some.

That generous-no-bars-held kind of hug is hot. As hot as the strongest hot sauce there is. Think of it as a bear taking control of your body (but remember, biting is only allowed if you agree to it)!

You will want to hug them even if it’s 39 freaking degrees outside…which is not that uncommon since in most areas of Mexico it’s always either spring or summer.

3. Because they can cook very well.

“Dinner tonight? Your place or mine?”

Seriously, when they say this, they’re not trying to get into your pants (at least not the first time…even though it happens). They ask this because they prefer to cook than eat out (and not only because of the money).

They always want to know what’s in the food they eat. I mean come on, a good-looking man who can cook while a Mexican song is blaring on the radio? That’s a dream come true.

4. You will hate how they look at you with all that love in their eyes.

These creatures are the most genuine people on Earth. Sometimes I wonder, “Do Mexican men ever lie to women?” Their facial expressions are so real you won’t see any negativity. Just pure love.

However, be warned that Mexicans are naturally good at exaggerating the truth. But don’t blame them, it’s just part of their funny banter and sense of humor.

5. You’ll find it hard to laugh at other men’s jokes.

Mexican men are very funny without even trying. Jokes are randomly thrown and it will make you laugh your heart out. No dull moments. Ever.

It’s especially hilarious when they try to imitate a foreign accent. Hearing a Mexican trying to speak with an Indian accent is probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. How come that thing hasn’t gone viral on YouTube yet?

6. Because they are brutally honest.

There are no shortcuts. No gray areas. Everything’s straight to the point. It’s either swipe right or left on Tinder. There’s no “swipe center!” The answer will always be a yes or a no. It’s “I like you” or “I don’t like you.” And yes, asking a Mexican man if you look fat in that dress will always end in a Greek tragedy.

Got it?

7. You will always remember them whenever you see a bottle of hot sauce.

When I came to Argentina, I started eating Doritos with a powerful hot sauce all over it and my friends were like, “Doritos with hot sauce? Who does that?!” I smiled and whispered to myself, “The Mexicans.”

A bottle of hot sauce will always serve as Mexico’s icon.

8. You will never forget their Spanish phrases, even if you don’t speak Spanish.

Although many of them are fluent in English, they have the habit of randomly murmuring in Spanish while looking at you, watching you sleep. You might not understand it, but I’m sure you’ll get to memorize the exact words because it reflects sincerity.

Even when they say bad words it sounds good to you. Cabrón! Pinche Wey! Pendejo!

9. Because they take selfies with you.

Though they don’t always agree with the amount of selfies you have on Instagram, they will always say “Yes” when you want to take one. All you have to do is ask nicely. Selfies don’t make them feel emasculated and that’s a quality of a real man.

10. You will love them forever. I mean forever.

And you will never want anyone else. But let me tell you that it never ends badly with Mexicans — a relationship with them always ends on a good note regardless of what you’ve been through. You might even be forced to tell them, “Please, don’t be too nice. I’m trying to move forward.”

They will obey by letting you be and not talking to you. But they will stay just the same. You will always be that special girl in their life. Which gets me to thinking, if they dated 10 girls, that means they have 10 special girls? Possibly. Mexicans are so full of love, they are always willing to share it.

This post originally appeared on A Journey of Wonders and has been re-published here with permission.

3456 Feet: Backcountry snowboarding

To fight one’s way hundreds of meters up a mountain for hours long only to ride down for a few seconds — that might just sound crazy to some people. For a snowboarder, it can be a way to take a first step against today’s environmental crisis.

Between the desire to achieve something and the actual accomplishment lies the pathway to get there. It may be short or long. For a snowboarder, this journey can mean 3,456 feet. It’s an apparently insignificant elevation difference, which is not realized in lightning speed by some resource-intensive machine. It’s an elevation difference that must be surmounted with one’s own strength. This is done quite consciously — to descend the mountain only one time, to summit only one time, and thereby feel and respect nature’s rhythm.

Ride Greener and Patagonia Snowboard Ambassador Sten Smola has been journeying to the Alps for over 15 years, using mainly public transportation, and summiting countless peaks on foot. He consciously refrains from flying around the world to chase the everlasting snow. In doing so, he makes his own very modest contribution not to further accelerate global warming.

This article originally appeared on Ride Greener and is republished here with permission.

How to piss off your TEFL teacher

Photo: Michael

1. When you think their job is just sunshine and traveling.

One common misconception about ESL teachers is that the job is all traveling and partying and very little work. In actual fact, the hours worked next to the disgustingly low pay rates makes me want to vomit. Unlike other teachers, ESL teachers are often paid by the hour and thus all the additional hours of the week that go into planning and marking aren’t subsidized by a lovely pay packet.

They don’t get the same lovely amount of holiday off a year, and their job is also looked at as a bit more of a joke — all this is topped off by having very little job security. So if they want to get off their faces with their colleagues in the middle of the week, and at the weekend, or if they want to pop off on a quick trip, then they deserve it god damn it.

2. When you look down your nose at them.

Oooh look at you with your fancy graduate job, first mortgage, and puppy. Seriously mate, sod the hell off.

3. When they correct you on something and you look at them with hate.

You’ve come to their class in order to learn — they are the expert. Yes, you might be older than them and you might have been saying “I took a coffee” instead of “I had a coffee” for all of your English-speaking days, but you are wrong. The saying is wrong. Yes, people understand what you’re sayin,g but it is wrong — and so if you didn’t want to be taught to say things the right way, then why on Earth would you come to this class in the first place? Leave.

4. When you judge them for being younger than you.

Dear all mature students,

Your teacher is most likely going to be younger than you are. Accept it and get ready to learn some English. They’ve been hired for this job because they know what they are doing and are going to teach you well. There are thousands of people who apply for the role that your teacher has. Don’t you think that if they couldn’t do it just as well (if not better) than someone else, then the role would have been given to them?

Sincerely,

Every ESL teacher who has ever been second guessed by a student because of their age.

5. When they’re planning to use a great game to take up a lovely chunk of the lesson and it ends far too quickly.

As an ESL teacher you quickly learn to build two very important friendships to help you with your lessons. One of those friendships is with games and the other one is with videos. When your class just up and decide that they don’t like your best mate, “Stop the bus,” that you’re introducing them to, because they’ve already played it in a different class, it outright destroys your day.

6. When technology fails them.

So there you find the ESL teacher on Sunday with the worst hangover in the history of all hangovers, when they come to the sudden realization that their Monday morning is due to start super early and they have absolutely nothing prepared, nor enough energy or pizzazz to set about preparing for such a ghastly hour… And then it hits them. They have Frozen on their hard drive. Yes, yesssss! This is the miracle of all miracles that they were asking for. AND bonus points: They already have a worksheet prepared from a previous class that they can set the kids for homework.

Monday morning comes around like a cruel mistress, but it doesn’t even faze them as they walk through the halls knowing that they’ve totally got this shit covered. But then, no. The projector’s broken.

7. When you think that empty space on their forehead says “Dictionary.”

I realise that they have taken the job because they are supposed to be the master of their craft which is the English language, but cut them a little bit of slack from time to time. The estimate by The Global Language Monitor on January 1, 2014 had the English language at 1,025,109.8 words. That’s a lot of words. So believe it or not, there are certain moments when teachers can’t recall some words — so stop getting your knickers in a twist when they don’t know an obscure enough synonym for ‘grateful’.

8. When you want to know every single exception to when you can use the past perfect or the present continuous, or exactly when a pronoun should be possessive.

Yeah…

9. When you insist on translating everything your teacher is saying for the other students, but you’re actually getting it wrong.

Your teacher probably knows how to say what they’re teaching you in your own language, but they’re choosing not to because then you will be thinking in your language and not in English…which is the whole point for you being in that lesson.

So when you’re insisting on translating “Bizarre” to “Bizarro” to the rest of the class, you are doing nothing but teaching people the wrong thing. Yes they sound extremely similar, but “Bizarro” means dashing or brave, which is definitely not what “Bizarre” means. The exact translation you are looking for is “extraño,” so stop it.

7 things LGBT travelers are sick of

Photo: Rog01

1. Don’t you know it’s illegal to be gay in [insert country]?

Yes, I do. As an LGBT traveler, I know that not only do I need to look at the visa rules and requirements, but I’ve also got to check out what the status of LGBT people is. It’s not like my passport has a big rainbow flag or the word GAY printed on the front of it. Also, I’m pretty sure “Are you gay?” is not one of the questions the immigration officer is going to ask me. Hopefully.

2. Aren’t you worried about getting arrested?

Not anymore than I’m worried about getting arrested at home. I don’t plan on skipping down the street waving the rainbow flag, sprinkling glitter everywhere, and shouting “I’m gay! I like boys!”

I’m also not planning to have erotic, kinky hot gay sex in front of the local police station, or anywhere else in public for that matter. I’m not really even planning to pick up a guy, and if I do, I’ll be insanely careful about it. As long as I’m smart, discreet, and don’t break any laws, I should be fine.

3. I heard that LGBT people have been killed there!

Yes, you’re right. It’s sad, but true. By the way, did you hear about the gay teenage boy that committed suicide because of the anti-gay bullying at his school? He lived three streets over from you.

What about that guy who was nearly beaten to death by two people, just because they thought he looked gay? He was a tourist in your town. Bad things happen to LGBT people everywhere, including the good ol’ US of A. That’s not going to stop me from exploring the world. Maybe I can even work to help change those things.

4. Are there even any LGBT people there?

Really? No, really? Did you seriously just ask that question or am I high? It’s estimated (conservatively) that 10-15% of the world’s population is homosexual, and that’s just based on statistics from people who are open or only somewhat open about their sexuality. That means at least 700,000,000 to 1,050,000,000 people in this world are gay.

That doesn’t take into account Trans* people or bisexual people or people who self-identify in some other way. With that many homos roaming around, I’m sure I can find a few abroad. They may not be “out”, they may be very, very discreet and secretive. Hell, a lot of them may even have opposite-sex spouses due to social pressures. Still, we gays are everywhere.

5. Why on Earth would you want to go there?

I want to go there simply because it exists. It is part of the world I live in. It’s filled with people, just like you and me, all of whom have stories and experiences to share. Not to mention the food, the culture, and the natural beauty.

6. Wouldn’t it be safer to travel with a buddy or a partner?

Of course it would be. There are always risks to traveling solo, regardless of sexual orientation. I don’t have a boyfriend right now, but I’d love to find a guy that wanted to be a nomad too. Obviously yes, finding someone with my same lifestyle would be way more convenient.

7. So what will you do about, um, uh, how will you meet people for…?

Sex? Just because I’m a gay guy traveling solo doesn’t mean I plan on screwing my brains out with every local dude that crosses my path. But if I do want to make that type of connection, there’s an app for that.

How to piss off someone from Iowa

Photo: Neil Conway

1. Turn down a butter popsicle.

“Iowa” food is both simple and challenging. We’ve taken our “meat and potatoes” comfort food origins to a new and glorious level. After all, fried butter on a stick is the ultimate American culinary contribution, is it not? In fact, at the Iowa State Fair, we can (and do) put just about anything on a stick and fry it up, Jell-O included. No wonder there’s a freaking Broadway musical about the wonders of this event. Skip the fair and your palette hasn’t lived.

But, alas, the Iowa State Fair is only once a year, and we don’t actually hand our children butter popsicles on the daily in an effort to get them closer to their culture. But we might have a scotcheroo when we’re having a bad day, or maybe we’ll sit down with a tenderloin the size of Kim Kardashian’s backside. Or we’ll walk around with a walking taco at a football game because why would anyone walk around with a regular taco? That’s just silly. We’ve mastered comfort and convenience. Now that’s American. Put down your kale and Iowa up already.

2. Ask us about Cleveland, Cincinnati, or Columbus.

Why shouldn’t you ask us about those three cities? Because they’re in Ohio. Oops, your bad. Short words with lots of vowels are confusing, right? Yeah, we get it. It’s all kind of the same there in the middle, isn’t it? Sure, sure. We’re actually from Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, Dubuque, Sioux City or some other place you’ve never heard of, so we’re not going to get into specifics.

Don’t worry — we won’t bust a map out on you. We have a feeling if we show you that Ohio is three states away and would take 12 hours to drive to, that it would just lead to lots of questions, including the glaringly obvious one about your geographical understanding of America. And yeah, we probably do know a thing or two about where you’re from. The world doesn’t pay much attention to us, so we have to pay attention to it.

3. Expect us all to be “Iowa Nice.”

This “Iowa Nice” thing you may or may not have heard of is kind of a sham. We’re not going to argue about it because we’re happy for anything with our name on it, but it’s just not true. “Iowa Respectful” would be more accurate. We’ll gladly pull over on 218 when your car is smoking from the hood and we’ll smile at you if both of us are walking down an otherwise-empty aisle in Hy-Vee, but we’re not those neighbors that come over with a pie and ask you to attend church with us.

4. Assume we grew up on a farm and were voted last year’s Pork Queen.

Just don’t. While 88 out of our 99 counties may be classified as “rural,” the vast majority of us do not live on a farm and don’t have much experience with farming. We might’ve spent a summer detasseling corn when we were 14 or 15, but we’ve probably never milked a cow, chased a chicken, or called out “Suuuuuuuey!” after the family pig. We spent our childhoods in shopping malls, movie theatres, and blanket forts, just like you did.

We probably haven’t won any tractor pulling contests at the local town fair, though we’ve heard about these quaint little anecdotes from virtually every depiction of Iowa ever. We have pretty “normal” stories about attending church on Christmas and Easter, living for the Hawkeyes or the Cyclones, and praying for snow days even though we know we need about a foot and a half of the stuff for anything to shut down. We might know a family or two that lives on a farm, but they don’t let us ride their horses anymore after the incident of ’07.

5. Ask us if we have an airport.

The FAA has promised us one if we can keep the hogs off the highway and use it as a runway.

We’re messing with you. Yes, we have airports. Yes, we have street lights. Yes, when you drive through, you’ll still have your LTE coverage. We live the same way you do, indoor plumbing and all. We just stop in the Planet Fitness parking lot for corn once or twice a year.

6. Think we’re just “flyover country.”

Iowa has the misfortune of sitting just west of the Mississippi River, placing it just about smack dab in the middle of America. It’s a day’s drive to any coast, so most people experience us from 36,000 feet. But the next time you fly over us, take out your earbuds, look out the window, and give us a grateful wave. Why? Well, if it weren’t for our hard work, life as we humans know it would be incredibly, incredibly different (and we’re not just talking about Ashton Kutcher’s existence).

You know that phrase, “it’s the best thing since sliced bread?” That was invented in Iowa (the bread, not the phrase). Not impressive enough? So was nylon. Still not convinced? So was the computer. Believe it or not, Iowa is the home to the humble beginnings and lavish comforts of modern-day life. You’re welcome. And right now we’re even working on a virtual driver’s license app, grabbing a firm foothold on the cutting edge of technology. And in this little talk, we haven’t even touched on agriculture yet — you like to eat, yeah? The average Iowa farmer feeds 155 people a day. So whether we’re working on the farm or working in Silicon Prairie, we’re clearly worth a stop, or at least a wave.

7. Assume we don’t know how to party.

A Saturday night in Iowa City might as well be a march through a drunken North Face ad. Iowa has more bars per resident than any other state and, fortunately or unfortunately, we drink the most too. Even in subzero temperatures, we can usually be found out and about with a Coors Lite or Blue Moon in our hand.

8. “Oh you’re from Iowa, do you know so-and-so?”

In short, no. There are more than 3,000,000 people in Iowa and that number is actually growing. We didn’t grow up in hamlets walking into town barefoot with the kids from the next farm over. Most of us grew up in small towns (some of us even cities!) where you knew the people in your neighborhood, but that’s about it. If our moms were particularly involved in the PTA or on the school board, maybe we knew a few more. Someone might look vaguely familiar when we vacation in Okoboji or visit Adventureland, but other than that, we keep to ourselves. Our heads won’t turn when you walk into our favorite local café or Hy-Vee. We might wave to a car or two as we drive down old Highway 20, but it’s only because we’re being polite.

9. Claim we’re not progressive.

Ready for your mind to be blown? Iowa was the 2nd state in the nation to allow women to own property. We were the 2nd state in the nation to legalize interracial marriage (a century before the rest of America). The University of Iowa was the first university in the nation to offer degrees to women (and one of the first universities to have an LGTBAU group). We were the 2nd state to outlaw segregated schools (again, about a century before the country). We had the first female attorney, and the first female to practice law before a federal court. The Iowa Civil Rights Act was one of the first Civil Rights Acts in existence. And maybe you can think back to 2007, when we were the 2nd state to legalize gay marriage. So apart from just getting the ball rolling for our first black president, we have hundreds of years of being on the cutting edge of political progress. If you think we’re unfit for the role, you’ve got quite the case to make.

You're a black traveler when...

Photo: DJ

1.People are surprised to see you in a hostel because, you know, “Black people don’t travel.”

2. You’ve been mistaken for Oprah (not that being a billionaire matters), Madea, or Allen Iverson.

3. To your horror someone called you the N-word — with genuine affection.

4. Someone has asked whether anyone you know has been affected by Ebola, HIV/AIDS, or any other disease or affliction associated with black people.

5. “I heard they don’t like black people” is a common excuse your friends / family / acquaintances make for not traveling.

6. You get really excited when there are black hair care products at a store.

7. There is one African or Dominican lady that can do your hair and she does every black woman’s for two towns in every direction.

8. You’ve been asked at least once whether you prefer to be called ‘colored,’ ‘black,’ or ‘African-American.

9. Authorities told you up front that they were discriminating against you because of the color of your skin.

10. Stereotypes about your race have made finding a place to live more difficult than for fellow expats.

11. You embraced the sight of another black person abroad and bonded over commiserating and mutual understanding.

12. There are few times you’ve felt lonelier than when the Trayvon Martin or Michael Brown verdicts happened because there was no one to talk to about it.

13. You love visiting the Caribbean and countries in Africa where you can see your face reflected in those of the locals.

14. It continues to baffle you why so little travel writing and marketing reflects your experiences and needs — despite the fact that black travelers are spending $48 billion on travel annually.

15. You used to think travel was ‘for white people’.

16. You’ve felt disappointment because you thought you left this shit back home.

17. Someone has mistaken you for a prostitute in South America.

18. People have refused to accept that you are American or Canadian, even after flashing your passport at them.

19. It’s assumed you can dance, have large genitalia, or other ‘positive’ stereotypes.

20. A person rubbed your skin — just to see if it would come off.

21. You’ve never let an individual’s bigotry mar your view of a country.

22. You don’t let the color of your skin dictate how much of the world you’re going to see.

Inside Charlie Hebdo

A picture taken on September 25, 2012 in Paris shows two editions of French satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo, one reading ‘Irresponsible newspaper’ (L) and the other, bearing an empty front page reading ‘responsible newspaper.’ These two editions were released one week after the magazine published an edition containing several cartoons which featured caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad. Photo: GlobalPost

“This might sound a bit pompous, but I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”

The words came from Stephane Charbonnier, aka Charb, cartoonist and director of the French satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo, in 2012 after a firebomb attack on the paper’s Paris office.

On Wednesday Charb was among 12 people killed during a terrorist attack on Charlie Hebdo by masked gunmen crying “God is Great” in Arabic as they gunned down journalists, cartoonists and police officers.

Charlie Hebdo had been a target since 2006 when it published caricatures of the Muslim Prophet Muhammad that originally appeared in a Danish newspaper.

Despite repeated threats, the paper had refused to shy away from controversy.

More from the Charlie Hebdo attack: Emotional outpouring of political cartoons from around the world in honor of Charlie Hebdo

Islamist radicals were among the favorite targets of its biting, sometimes crude, satire — along with French politicians, religious leaders of all denominations and celebrities from Michael Jackson to anti-Semitic comic Dieudonee M’bala Mbala.

This week’s cover lampooned French novelist Michel Houellebecq, whose latest book has triggered a raging controversy by portraying a France in 2022 run by a Muslim leader who seeks to turn Europe into an Islamist empire.

Charb was among several well-known figures slain in Wednesday’s attack on the paper.

Chillingly, he published a cartoon in this week’s edition showing a bearded terrorist under the title, “Still no attacks in France.” The figure replies: “Wait, we have until the end of January to present our best wishes.”

The gunmen were apparently aware that the paper’s journalists and cartoonists gather for their weekly editorial meeting on Wednesday mornings and the newsroom was packed.

Among the 10 newspaper staff reported killed were famed cartoonists Georges Wolinski, Jean Cabut, known as Cabu, and Bernard Verlhac, who signed as Tignous. Two police officers guarding the building were also reported slain.

Another cartoonist Corrine “Coco” Rey said she was forced at gunpoint to open the doors of the building and then hid under a desk while the gunmen opened fire on her colleagues with automatic weapons.

The attack lasted five minutes, she told the daily L’Humanite, and the gunmen told her they were from Al Qaeda.

Charb had constantly defended the magazine’s acerbic satire as an essential part of a vibrant free press.

Threats and criticism had flowed in after covers like the 2006 edition with the headline “Mohammed overwhelmed by the fundamentalists” that showed a caricature of a weeping prophet complaining: “It’s hard to be loved by jerks.”

A 2011 paper purported to have hired Prophet Muhammad as a guest editor and featured a smiling image on its cover warning readers they risked “100 lashes if you don’t die laughing.” That prompted the firebomb attack that damaged the paper’s office.

Charb responded by arguing that “a cartoon never killed anybody.”

Charlie Hebdo was founded in 1969 as part of a long tradition of satirical newspapers in France.

Its predecessor was banned after mocking recently deceased President and war hero Gen. Charles de Gaulle. The paper’s name was inspired by Charlie Brown from the Peanuts strip, as well as making a sly reference to de Gaulle. Hebdo is French slang for a weekly.

The paper went out of business in 1981 but was revived a decade later.

President Francois Hollande was among those mocked by the paper. After his clandestine affair with actress Julie Gayet was revealed last year, it ran a front-page cartoon of the president showing his penis poking through the open zipper of his pants and asking “Me, the President?”

“An act of extreme barbarism has been committed in Paris today,” Hollande said when he visited Charlie Hebdo’s office after the Wednesday attack. “An attack against a newspaper, that means against the expression of freedom, against journalists who always showed that in France they could defend their ideas.”

By Paul Ames, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.