Matador Network's Blog, page 2160

In 2015, let's redefine YOLO

Photo: Trey Ratcliff

I’ll be the first to admit that it took me a couple years to leave my college life behind. When I graduated, I moved from one party town to another. Then I went to the Caribbean to party in a different climate, then I moved back in with my parents because I didn’t know what else to do. Even though I hadn’t been in college for awhile, and I had done some pretty interesting things in the meantime, I still went to those typical college parties at that typical blacked-out windowed apartment, with the same DJ in the living room, and the same kid offering me lines in the bathroom. I just couldn’t leave the scene behind.

It was at one of these parties that I first heard someone yell “YOLO!” right before they did something stupid. It was a kid who people called “The Vacuum” behind his back. His signature move was arranging three heaping lines of cocaine into a smiley face and making it disappear in one fell snort. Watching him do it never got old — it was pretty impressive, always funny, and a little sad. Because “you only live once” — there’s no better excuse than that.

Even when deviated septums became normal, and downers were the only clear fixes for uppers, and the people at these “college parties” weren’t really in college anymore because of their prescription pill addictions, stints in rehab, extended jail sentences, or all three — we were all still claiming: “YOLO, right?”

For awhile, it was just really hard for me to say no. Some people might categorize that under a different acronym: FOMO, the fear of missing out. Luckily, this problem never turned into a “problem” and I was always the one on the outside, getting into some pretty sticky situations of my own, but only playing the observing role in the real life-ruining ones that were happening around me. I always knew that these party “friends” weren’t my people — but I considered them people to be around until my real people showed up. So I passed the weekends, which bled into weekdays, which bled into years, hanging out with them — even though we never seemed to have anything to talk about until there was a line trickling down our throat and a cool song on the sound system.

Whenever I met innocent-seeming people, who didn’t know how to buy a bag of weed, and who thought heroin was just a drug people took in movies, I thought: They haven’t lived as much as me.

I realize now that those were some really shallow years.

When I was spending a week’s worth of pay on a ticket to a music festival, jumping in a car with a guy I only knew about but didn’t really know, and waking up in a random tent in Vermont with only a slight and painful idea of where I had been for the past 72 hours, I was calling it all “living my life to the fullest.” But there were a lot of things I wasn’t doing.

We’re living in a world where girls look up to Hannah Horvath and don’t know who Malala Yousafzai is, where all it takes to be ‘edgy’ is two sleeves of tattoos and a social smoking addiction. And that ain’t something to be proud of.

Like I wasn’t speaking to my sister.

I wasn’t visiting my childhood best friend who had to spend a year in the hospital.

I wasn’t traveling.

I wasn’t calling my grandparents.

And I certainly wasn’t writing.

Because I was YOLOing, you guys! And YOLO was everywhere — neon pink t-shirts, hashtags, bumper stickers, song lyrics, graffiti — American youth culture had claimed it as our big excuse, our crutch to lean on so we could all stoop a little lower. And it still is. It’s the question at the end of every confession: So you blacked out and stole a bottle of liquor from a bar, made out with your friend’s boyfriend and woke up with your cab driver? YOLO though, right?

Yes, YOLO is right. We do only live once — so maybe we should halt our shitty behavior and start sewing coats for Detroit’s homeless population like this girl.

What’s interesting is that if we took YOLO away from American party culture and gave it to people who really deserved it — like the woman whose one wish for her 105th birthday was to ride on a Harley, or this 13-year-old girl from India who became the youngest person to climb Mount Everest — YOLO would really be a beautiful phrase.

Because it’s true, we only get one shot at a meaningful life. So maybe it’s time we hung up the ol’ vacuum hose and traded those couple grams of molly for a plane ticket and a notebook, or a shift at the soup kitchen and a job at the assisted senior living center. I think we’ve all become a little too accustomed to sucking down jello shots, dressing up in an ugly sweater, and hula hooping to Girl Talk like it is the single, driving force behind our life’s work.

It isn’t. We’re living in a world where girls look up to Hannah Horvath and don’t know who Malala Yousafzai is, where all it takes to be “edgy” is two sleeves of tattoos and a social smoking addiction. And that ain’t something to be proud of.

So I have some words for my millennial generation. The next time you’re rolling up a 10-dollar bill because you believe that it’s somehow less dirty than a single, the next time you travel to a different country just to get wasted in a hostel, the next time you tattoo yet another song lyric on that dainty little foot of yours, remember this: You aren’t cool.

But you could be. Vandana Shiva, the Dalai Lama, Zach de la Rocha, Beyoncé — they’re cool. Speaking up when you come across something that just isn’t right, creating a solution for a problem in your community, finding your passion and actually doing it instead of just yammering on about it — that’s the stuff of a truly meaningful, one life.

Let’s all band together and make a 2015 New Year’s resolution. Let’s agree to hold off on yelling YOLO again until we’ve finished our first novel, finally made it to India, and/or gotten marriage equality passed in our home state. Let’s take it to the next level. Let’s make some changes and fight in some significant battles. Let’s follow in the footsteps of the supreme youth cultures that came before us. We can redefine our generation as a culture to be reckoned with, instead of the easily-distracted, high on MDMA and hooked on Twitter one, that didn’t even show up to vote this year.

This one life we have is a gift, let’s stop treating it like an excuse to black out.

Vermonters had a good 2014

Photo: angrywayne

1. The governor debate

With candidates who decided to dress for the Kentucky Derby, a Duck Dynasty marathon, and a lumberjack competition, the Vermont gubernatorial debate was perhaps the most entertaining political event this year. With current Governor Shumlin essentially having the election locked in, all seven of the candidates were invited to participate in the debate. This proved to be a brilliant move, as it seriously upped the entertainment value.

The entire debate was wildly animated with one candidate lobbying for secession, another encouraging residents to buy lottery tickets with food stamps, and a third accusing the Taliban for the heroin problem. If SNL isn’t doing it for you lately, I highly recommend watching this debate for a chuckle.

2. GMO labeling bill / scaring Monsanto and Starbucks

In May, we voted for food containing genetically modified organisms (GMOs) to be labeled. Monsanto and Starbucks turned around and sued the state of Vermont, saying the Constitution is being violated by forcing companies to reveal information they don’t want to. If the bill goes into effect, Vermont will be the first state in the country to require this, possibly causing a ripple effect in other states, and making top food production companies come clean about what’s in their products.

3. The real Captain Phillips

Vermont is proud to be the home of real-life hero and movie-inspiration, Captain Richard Phillips. The end of 2013 brought Tom Hanks and the movie Captain Phillips to the big screen, a true story based on the Vermont ship captain who was held hostage by Somali Pirates. In 2014, the movie and many of the actors were nominated for Oscars, bringing more attention and acclaim to this hero and the state of Vermont.

The man behind the story lives in Jericho, Vermont and is often seen around town. He keeps a low profile, and doesn’t consider himself a hero; just a regular guy who happened to have a movie based on his experience. As a side note, according to Captain Phillips and his wife, my boyfriend makes the best martini in the state!

4. A craft-beer destination

2014 brought some serious attention to beer tourism. According to the Department of Liquor Control, the number of Vermont breweries increased by 80% in the past two years! There are three breweries — Hill Farmstead, The Alchemist, and Lawson’s Finest Liquids — that have beer geeks traveling hundreds of miles, waiting many hours, and spending loads of money on their incredible libations. There is even a nickname given to the route between these three top breweries: The IPA Highway.

In 2014, Hill Farmstead was rated the number-two brewery in the world (according to Ratebeer.com) and pumps out some of the most delicious beer you will ever taste. The last time I was there, I met a guy who didn’t want to tell his wife he was driving six hours from Connecticut to spend hundreds of dollars on beer. So he made the trip in one day, and due to the limit on how much he was able to get, came back again the next day.

5. Multiple best place to live awards

Anytime I see a ‘Best Places to Live’ list grace the pages of magazines or online publications, I immediately head for number 1 to see if Vermont makes the top spot. This year the Green Mountain State rolled in at the top of plenty of lists including:

Best State to Raise a Kid (Center for Disease Control)

Best Places to Live in America (Outside Magazine)

Second Healthiest State in the US (America’s Health Rankings)

Sixth Happiest State in the US (Gallup)

Hottest City (Burlington) to Move to in 2015 (Business Insider)

The focus on local and healthy foods, combined with the plentiful outdoor adventure possibilities, makes Vermont an ideal place for anyone who values health and fitness in their life.

6. A Scandal shout-out

What better way to bring attention to a state than have Olivia Pope and President Fitz use Vermont as their secret getaway location. The Scandal episode had the two hostile lovebirds jet off to snowy, ‘secluded Vermont’ to the massive log cabin the fictional president had built for his mistress. Here the duo dreamed about living a quiet life of jam-making. Not too far off from what life in Vermont is actually like.

7. The ‘Eat More Kale Guy’

Love it or hate it, our obsession with kale is here to stay, and you can thank Vermonter Bo Muller-Moore for that. After engaging in legal battles with Chick-Fil-A for the last three years due to trademark issues with their slogan ‘Eat More Chikn,’ Bo has officially won the rights to ‘Eat More Kale.’ A win for Vermont, small businesses and, you know, people who love kale.

Spending the holidays in Greenland

Photo: Greenland Travel

1. You fill up on three different kinds of reindeer meat — cooked, smoked, and dried.

Just like everyone else, we eat a lot during the holidays. But our food is traditional Greenlandic — smoked, dried, and cooked fish, reindeer meat, whale meat, whale skin cut into small pieces, fish liver smashed with blackberries and shrimp, then the typical ice cream and cake for dessert.

2. You play every traditional New Year’s Eve card game.

We pass the time until midnight with games like paaterluni, which is the most popular. You have to play in a circle. You pass one card to your left until you collect all four suits, then you grab a nut off the table. There’s always one less nut than there are players. As a reward, the winner gets to paint a single line on the loser’s face. We play until there’s no more room on someone’s face to paint another line.

3. You purchase enough fireworks to ring in New Year’s twice — 8pm and midnight.

Greenland is part of Denmark’s government, so when the clock hits midnight in Denmark and 8pm here in Greenland, we shoot off a round of fireworks. Then the big show happens at our midnight; the fireworks are known to last more than two hours.Everyone who is over 18 buys at least one or two kinds and sets them off in the city. The whole sky is filled with colors for hours on end.

4. You Celebrate “Little Christmas” as well as “Main Christmas” and “Elders’ Christmas.”

Our Christmas day is actually the 24th. We call it “Little Christmas” or “Children’s Christmas.” For as long as I can remember, Little Christmas is the biggest day for gathering with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My family does breakfast with my mother’s family, where we open our first presents. And then we go to my father’s family to have dinner. We spend the night dancing around the Christmas tree and singing hymns. Then we still have two more days of celebration — the 25th is “Main Christmas” and the 26th is “Elders’ Christmas.” Elders’ Christmas is the calm and quiet day. After two days of eating and going back and forth to our family houses, this is our day to relax. Then in the evening, we go door-to-door to our grandmother’s, great-aunt’s, and other elder members of the community, and sing hymns for them.

5. You watch Santa land by helicopter.

We have the absolute pleasure of having the real Santa Claus living here in our country. He’s from Greenland after all. And on the 24th of December, Santa comes to the capital in style, and by style, I mean he comes by helicopter and lands in front of the hospital. Children come from all over the country to see him and receive presents of candies, cookies, and fruits.

6. You dress up in reindeer and seal fur on January 6.

It’s the day of the three kings, so we cover ourselves and paint our faces so we’re completely disguised. Then we knock on people’s doors and dance for them. They have to guess who we are and give us a treat. If you do a good enough job (and only go to strangers’ houses) your identity will never be revealed.

Trekking the mountains of Bhutan

Photo by Steve Evans

WHETHER YOU SEEK WILDERNESS ADVENTURE, immersion in a unique culture, or a spiritual journey, a trek through Bhutan’s mountains puts you in the heart of this little-known Himalayan Kingdom.

Here are some considerations for first-time trekkers:

The Basics

Trekking in Bhutan involves a multi-day trip, arranged like a camping expedition. This is due to government guidelines and because many areas are remote and devoid of accommodations. It is not uncommon to walk for several days before encountering a village.

A typical day consists of 5 to 7 hours of walking among some of the world’s most pristine natural surroundings, including subtropical jungles, alpine highlands, and snow-capped peaks.

Photo by Michael Foley

You will be accompanied by a licensed Bhutanese guide, cook, and mules or yaks that carry tents, sleeping bags, cooking equipment, food and other supplies.

In a nation steeped in Mahayana Buddhist traditions, the mountains are sacrosanct, housing deities. As such, you cannot scale peaks higher than 6,000 meters. At 7,570 meters, Gangkhar Puensum, the highest mountain in Bhutan, remains the highest unclimbed peak in the world.

While treks range from easy to strenuous, it helps to be moderately fit. Daily altitude gain is relatively high, so be aware of how best to acclimate your body.

When to Go

The best high altitude trekking seasons are in late April, when colorful bursts of wildflowers dot the landscape, or during the pleasant, clear days of October.

Short treks at lower elevations are possible during most months. You can also time your visit to coincide with one of Bhutan’s colorful festivals, getting a glimpse inside the dzongs, or fortress-monasteries, that serve as administrative, religious, and social centers.

Climate varies significantly by region. The north, bordering Tibet, is perennially covered with snow. The central regions enjoy four distinct seasons similar to those of Western Europe, and the subtropical south is hot and humid. Monsoon rains pelt the country from June to September.

Photo by Marina & Enrique

The Treks

There are more than a dozen treks, ranging in difficulty. Some combine scenery and culture, passing dense pine and oak forests on the mountainside; whitewashed dzongs overlooking valleys; and chortens, squat monuments housing sacred Buddhist relics.

Druk Path is a week-long trek that crosses mountains connecting the valleys of Paro and Thimphu, Bhutan’s capital. The sparsely populated route winds around freshwater lakes, and if your timing is right, dozens of varieties of scented rhododendron bloom in late spring.

Bumthang Cultural and Gangtey Nature treks are shorter, lasting from two to four days. Gangtey passes through isolated valleys, including the winter home of rare black-necked cranes.

Of the thousand or so trekkers who visit each year, most head for Jhomolhari, the third highest peak in Bhutan and “abode of the Goddess Jhomo.” Following the river, the trek offers some of the best mountain scenery, including highland villages, yak pastures, and a base camp embedded in natural beauty.

Taking two weeks, the Jhomolhari – Laya – Gasa trek is an extension of the above. It weaves through the high Himalayas, leaving the Jhomolhari trail and heading east along the Tibetan border to Laya, and then south to Gasa and its hot springs.

Lunana Snowman is one of the hardest high altitude treks, involving walking and living in remote areas beneath the peaks of 6 mountains, each over 7,000 meters high. The mystical trail crosses nine passes, taking you by villages and nomad groups, and through forests of blue pine, juniper and rhododendron.

Photo by Goran Hoglund

Plan Ahead

You cannot visit Bhutan on a whim as the government controls the number of travelers allowed into the country each year. Arrangements must be made through registered Bhutanese tour operators beforehand, and you have the choice of customizing your own trip or joining a pre-planned tour.

Each visitor is required to pay a fee of US $200 per day — $250 in the high season. This sounds steep, but it includes taxes, accommodations, meals, a licensed guide, camping equipment and haulage for treks. This fee applies across the board, whether or not you go trekking, and it includes $65 that the government puts towards education, healthcare, and poverty alleviation.

The easiest way to get to Bhutan is by air. Druk Air, the national airline, is the only carrier that serves Paro Airport, offering flights from Bangkok, Kathmandu, Delhi and several other South Asian cities.

There are plenty of online resources. For starters, check out Matador editor Tim Patterson’s excellent guide to, and impressions of, Bhutan.

The Tourism Council of Bhutan also provides handy information, including a list of tour operators (many of whom have their own websites), local news and events, approved treks, and the latest on travel regulations.

And finally, get a copy of seasoned trekker Bart Jordans’ Bhutan: A Trekker’s Guide , including insights on numerous trails, a comprehensive trek grading system, and information on trekking for families with children.

This article was first published on December 8, 2008.

20 stories that make Vancouver proud

Photo: jonrawlinson

REMEMBER HOW great Vancouver was in 2014? Take a look back at the headlines that happened and be proud that you live in one of the best places in the world.

1. VANCOUVER WINS TITLE OF NORTH AMERICA’S MOST LIVEABLE CITY

Forbes lists Vancouver as 2014’s third most liveable city in the world, one spot ahead of Toronto and two ahead of Calgary. Take that, every city in the world that isn’t named Melbourne or Vienna.

2. ARCHAIC LIQUOR LAWS CHANGED

Ridiculously out-of-date BC liquor laws were changed to allow happy hour prices, and starting in spring 2015, grocery stores will finally be permitted to sell booze. Rejoice as we join the current millennium!

3. NEW VANCOUVER BREWERIES OPEN, BEER LOVERS SWOON

Vancouver used to get made fun of for all its coffee shops. Well, move over pumpkin spice lattes — craft beer is here to stay. And if a microbrew isn’t enough, nanobrews are on the upswing, brewed in batches just small enough to get hipsters up in arms and racing their single-speed bikes for the last coveted growler-full. Just this year Main Street, Bomber, and Black Kettle have made waves, more have opened, and seemingly endless beer awards have been assigned. Combined with the new liquor laws, 2015 just might be the Year of the Beer.

4. VANCOUVER PUBLIC LIBRARY DECLARED BEST IN WORLD

Okay, so technically the group of university scholars from Düsseldorf announced this back in December 2013, but you have to feel pretty proud that we have one of the absolute best public libraries in the entire world (tied with Montreal).

5. PEDRO MORALES NAMED MLS NEWCOMER OF THE YEAR

I love him, you love him, and the rest of the MLS merely tolerates our adorable Chilean Whitecap.

6. KITS STREET PARTY KICKS ASS

Fifty-plus bands, forty-plus food trucks, and over 100,000 people made the 2014 Khatsahlano Street Party the best free event of the whole summer. And everyone was extremely well-behaved.

7. EARNEST ICE CREAM NEW LOCATION ANNOUNCED

The Fraser Street staple announced that they’re opening up a second location in Mount Pleasant and we are all crazy excited for a cone of Whiskey Caramel and London Fog.

8. STANLEY PARK NAMED WORLD’S BEST PARK

TripAdvisor pulled together every review they could find and discovered that Vancouver’s Stanley Park is the best park in the world. It placed ahead of New York City’s Central Park, and was the only Canadian one in the top ten. “Enough with the awards already” said no Vancouverite, ever.

9. ICONIC VANCOUVER AQUARIUM REVITALIZED

The self-sustaining non-profit Vancouver Aquarium that you grew up loving got an awesome $25 million upgrade.

10. TRADE IN TOYS FOR TICKETS

The Salvation Army facilitated a pretty amazing deal between Vancouver drivers and Impark. If you were unlucky enough to get a few parking tickets in 2014, the Army accepted a one-for-one trade-in on tickets for kids’ toys, thus making kids happy, keeping us happy, and keeping money out of Impark’s hands. And a Merry Christmas to all.

11. CAT CAFE OPENS

Vancouver took a page out of Japan’s book and opened a cafe that doubles as a cat shelter. If a large white chocolate mocha with extra whip isn’t enough to pick you up, a purring ball of the internet’s favourite animal is always nearby to sit on your lap.

12. WE WIN GOLD x2

Goaltender and Vancouver native Carey Price posts mind-blowing numbers and shuts out both USA and Sweden as the Canadian men’s hockey team steamrolls the world to win Olympic gold. Meanwhile, the women’s team pounds USA 3-2 for the second time in the tournament to win gold.

13. TORTS AND GILLIS FIRED

The experiment in hiring the certifiably insane John Tortorella to coach the Canucks was failed, maddening and terrible. So when Trevor Linden stepped in and hired Jim Benning and Willie Desjardins, we put our torches and pitchforks away. Welcome, Willie and Jim. You’re already making your city proud of you.

14. BENCHES HAILED AS COMPASSIONATE TOWARD HOMELESS

Raincity Housing installed some benches around town that fold out to provide a dry space with a roof for anyone who wants to sleep there. Other citiescoughLondoncough around the world went the opposite direction, instead putting spikes and painful deterrents on benches, earning the scorn of humans everywhere.

15. UBC RESEARCHERS DISCOVER SEPSIS BREAKTHROUGH

Sepsis is a huge killer that is very difficult to diagnose, but in October UBC researchers developed a way to detect the disease much earlier, which could potentially save thousands of lives every year. Saving lives is pretty sweet.

16. COUPLAND EXHIBIT OPENS AT THE VAG

Vancouver-born and raised cultural icon, Douglas “Generation X” Coupland, had his very own exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery, reminding us all that “everywhere is anywhere is anything is everything,” which allowed us all try and say with a straight face that things are getting deep at the VAG.

17. COMPOSTING PROGRAM BEGINS

If you’ve been living in an apartment or condo, as per Vancouver etiquette you have to hate having to throw food scraps and organic waste in the trash. But finally, the city got with the times and started rolling out composting to all Vancouver residents. It’s just one more way we’re maintaining our reputation as the greenest city.

18. BC WOMEN WIN SKIING OLYMPIC GOLD & SILVER

Our very own Vancouverite Marielle Thompson and Kelowna’s Kelsey Serwa went 1-2 in women’s freestyle ski cross, earning the tearful respect of Canadians nationwide.

19. LOCAL RESTAURANTS REIGN

Vij’s, Hawksworth, and Farmer’s Apprentice were all recognized as some of this country’s finest restaurants. Vancouver’s gastronomy scene has been on the rise for the last decade and shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

20. BEST WEATHER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

We had NINETEEN consecutive days with zero precipitation this summer. NINETEEN. If you missed any day between July 25 and August 12, you might be crying yourself to sleep tonight. Vancouver millennials have never had a summer that good in their entire lives.

Things US expats want for Christmas

Photo: Katy Kildee

1. For the American craft-beer revolution to be a global phenomenon

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with San Miguel in the Philippines or Mosi in Zambia — they’re (usually) cold, wet, and dirt-cheap. And, due to the fairly low alcohol content, these local lagers can give you real staying power on a night out. Plus let’s not forget that shitty beer can be just as effective as an enema when you’re a little backed up.

But shitty beer is a lot less tolerable after you’ve fallen in love with the hop-tastic goodness that America’s burgeoning craft-beer industry is churning out. When I do make it back stateside, I have the kind of beergasms that make me seriously question getting on my return flight.

On the plus side, when you do manage to track down truly good beer in a foreign country other than Belgium, it’s like drinking unicorn milk laced with ecstasy. The Hobbit House was my favorite bar in Manila, and that had nothing to do with the staff of Little People. They had Victory Golden Monkey. ‘Nuff said.

2. To be allowed in the Motherland for more than 35 days a year

To be fair, if I showed up now on our fair shores, it’s not like they’d turn me away. They’d welcome me with a standing ovation. But at stage left, there would be a sleazy looking accountant-type licking his lips and punching numbers into a calculator.

I don’t want to bore you with tax talk, so suffice it to say that Uncle Sam can come at a lot of us with his hand out if our time stateside (including connecting flights via US airports) isn’t calculated precisely. Thing is, planning travel isn’t exactly my strong suit unless I get points for screwing things up.

It boils down to a bunch of hard choices. Sure, a white Christmas and mom’s perogies are great, but the weather’s unpredictable and you could wind up grounded at Detroit International. Summer, in all its chlorophyll-drenched goodness, means camping and music festivals, but no football.

All I want for Christmas is to make an expat-shaped imprint in my parents’ couch, but I’m going to book a flight to Copenhagen and ask Santa for a UK passport instead. The Brits are allowed 91 days at home. Why did we fight so hard for independence again?

3. The gratis airline upgrade

As an ‘almost American,’ my frequent flier accounts are tied to hard-to-love US-based airlines with nose-diving mileage award charts (American, you said we’d be together forever?) and revenue-based requirements for status (Delta, it’s over). When Cathay Pacific gave me a full-size Hershey’s bar for dessert and Delta gave me a tenth of a Twix, I was that woman saying: “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean, baby.” But no more. I have a greater chance of birthing a kayak than I do of getting an upgrade from my once ‘preferred’ carrier on an international flight.

4. For an American grocery story to materialize in our temporary homeland

Whether you’re a vegan in a soy cheese-free nation craving quesadillas, or you’re like me and believe that everything tastes better drenched in saturated fat (a.k.a, ranch dressing), there’s a totally unavailable food product that you fantasize about.

Being American abroad definitely makes you more creative in the kitchen, although that’s not always a good thing. The five-star breaded chicken entrée on allrecipes.com doesn’t taste quite the same if you mistake dried mint for parsley, and the closest thing you can find to breadcrumbs is stale rice cakes. Even Martha Stewart couldn’t make soy sauce from scratch in a post-Soviet republic.

Say what you want about the USA’s global military presence, if you’re in a country where we have a base, I envy you. Dear servicemen and women, I’m incredibly grateful for your sacrifice to protect our liberties. I’d also be grateful if we could pop into the PX to pick up some Velveeta shells ‘n cheese and taco seasoning. God bless America.

7 reasons you should travel to Cuba

Photo: Sue Kellerman

In light of the surprise news Wednesday — that the United States will begin normalizing relations with Cuba — the end of the long standing embargo seems even more within reach. Under the embargo, Americans cannot legally travel to Cuba except in special circumstances, such as for educational and research projects, humanitarian aid, and family visits. But if you’ve been waiting to take a trip to Cuba for when the embargo lifts, and you are able to get in legally, here are seven reasons not to wait:

1. So you can see the old-timey cars before they disappear

Though Raul Castro recently lifted a ban on buying and selling cars made after the year 1959, Cuba’s truest icon, old-timey cars, are very much a piece of everyday life in Cuba. While almost any piece of tourism media contains a photo of one of these still-running beauties, nothing quite recreates the feeling of stepping out of the airport and into a street filled with them. The time warp not only plays tricks with your head, but makes you feel like you’re a glamorous 1920s movie star stepping into the set of a movie. As the embargo lifts, and policies change in Cuba, newer cars are bound to find their way there, making the old-timey ones a cheap, tourist-y relic.

2. So you can see a country without an insane amount of commercials

Americans are constantly bombarded by commercialism, so much so that many of us don’t even notice the extent of it our day to day. In Cuba, you will undoubtedly be accosted by propaganda once in a while, but you will also experience — potentially for the first and only time in your life — a world devoid of consumerism’s rampant reign. Streets devoid of billboards, commercials, logos, and posters are something that will surely disappear in coming years, as American companies invest and capitalize on the opening Cuban market.

3. So you can enjoy illicit Cuban cigars before they’re everywhere

This might be the best time to buy up Cuban cigars, bring them back to the States and show them off to all of your friends. Soon they’ll be everywhere: Obama’s Wednesday announcement enables Americans to bring back larger quantities of Cuban products, a move that will quickly saturate the market. If you want to experience the nostalgic ideal of sipping on an icy mojito with Havana Club Rum while puffing Cohiba cigar, the time is now, before these luxurious and forbidden experiences become commonplace.

4. So you can enjoy the beaches before they become flooded with tourists

The pristine, white-sand beaches and sparkling turquoise waters of Cuba are sure to become tourist traps, laden with American-owned resorts, Coca Cola-sipping soccer moms, and Cuban peddlers selling American-made tanning oil. Nostalgia for a bag of Pelly (the Cuban version of the Funyun), and a Bucanero will be squashed in favor of cheaper, American-made products like Funyuns themselves and Coors Light. A relaxing and truly Cuban day at the beach will be a mere fantasy.

5. So you can visit a place that isn’t at all Americanized

Cuba is one of the only places in the world that hasn’t been “Americanized” in some way. There are already plenty of big businesses lining up to capitalize on the Cuban market. Though nothing is certain, Cuba’s landscape and romantic look will potentially be marred with the Golden Arches and our favorite green-coffee siren. American companies looking for a whole new market chomping at the bit to try out their first ever McMeal will permanently change the Cuba of today.

6. So you can experience one of the last places on earth where you can truly unplug

Everyone dreams of going to a remote island paradise and unplugging from the world for a few days. Cuba is one of the few places left that you can still truly do this. Most countries in Europe and even many third world countries are increasingly equipped with WiFi cafes or cell phone service access. The embargo has made it very difficult for the Cuban government to obtain the equipment needed to provide its citizens with services that offer internet. Additionally, no American cell phone carriers offer service in Cuba, making it the ideal place to escape from the rings and dings and “You’ve got Mail’s” of the connected world.

7. Because relations may not get better

Nothing is guaranteed for the Cuban-American relationship in the next few years. The two countries have a dramatic past, full of rash and hasty actions. Though it is my hope that the two will find a slow and graceful way to get back on good terms, the possibility that either one might pull out of negotiations still looms large. Due to the changes made by Obama, it is now easier than it has been in years to get there. But nothing is guaranteed. Getting there now requires a lot of paperwork and patience, but it is worth every moment. Why wait and take the chance that this opportunity will all be yanked away again?

How to rhyme Cockney slang

Photo: 7cero

YOU MAY not know that there’s pretty much a whole other language that exists for those born and bred in London, but there is, and it’s called Cockney rhyming slang.

Widely used in the 19th century by working class men and women living in East London, Cockney is still prevalent today. Most people refer to Cockneys as those born within hearing distance of the ‘Bow-Bells’ — the church of St. Mary-Le-Bow, located in Cheapside in the City of London.

Here’s a short guide to help you throw down some slang like a local on your next visit to London.

1. Barney rubble = Trouble

Example: “He’s only gone and got himself in a bit of barney rubble.”

2. Jam jar = Car

Example: “We’ll just take the jam jar.”

1. Boat race = Face

Example: “What’s up with your boat?”

2. Barnet fair = Hair

Example: “Nice barnet.”

3. Dog and bone = Phone

Example: “Just reach me on the old dog and bone.”

4. Bubble bath = Laugh

Example: “You’re having a bubble, mate.”

5. Apples and pears = Stairs

Example: “Up the apples and pears for bed.”

6. Brown Bread = Dead

Example: “He was brown bread by the time the old bill got there.” (Old Bill = Police / Cop)

7. Hank Marvin = Starving

Example: “Let’s eat now, I’m Hank Marvin!”

8. Trouble and Strife = Wife

Example: “Nah, I left the trouble and strife at home.”

9. Jimmy Riddle = Piddle (to urinate)

Example: “Just nipping for a Jimmy Riddle” or “Jimmy.”

10. Rub a dub = Pub

Example: “Meet you in the rub a dub.”

11. Frog and toad = Road

Example: “I’ll meet you down the frog and toad.”

12. Two and eight = State

Example: “Don’t get yourself in a two and eight.”

13. Tom dick = Sick

Example: “I’m feeling a bit Tom Dick.”

14. Adam and Eve it = Believe it

Example: “Can you blooming Adam and Eve it?”

15. Bob hope = soap

Example: “Smells like you need a bit of bob hope, mate”

16. Lady Godiver = Fiver (i.e five pounds / dollars / insert currency here)

Example: “It’s only a Lady Godiver — bargain”

17. Jack Jones = on your own

Example: “Look at you all on your Jack Jones” or “on your Jack.”

18. Ruby Murray = Curry

Example: “Meeting the boys for a pint and Ruby Murray.”

19. Butcher’s hook = Look

Example: “Let’s have a butchers, mate.”

20. Loaf of bread = Head

Example: “Why don’t you just use your loaf?”

Christmas time in Sao Paulo

Photo: Klaus Jessen

1. You can’t avoid Conjunto Nacional’s decorations.

We’re talking bells and Christmas balls built with colorful, recycled garbage. It started as an eco trend a few years ago and stuck. Standing on the corners of Augusta Street and Paulista Avenue, Conjunto Nacional is the unofficial meeting spot of central São Paulo.

2. All shops windows have a “snow” theme and a lot of red velvet — never mind that it’s 95ºF on the streets.

White-sand beaches and palm trees doesn’t go that well with red-nosed reindeers and knit sweaters. As a result, people try to emulate what they think is a US and European Christmas, ginger cookies included. Some people go as far as decorating a fireplace with wool socks.

3. The traffic around Parque do Ibirapuera is way out of control.

As citizens leave for the holidays, the city gets calm, almost surrealistically calm. But not around the biggest and most-popular public green area, Parque do Ibirapuera. Thousands of people gather to see the special show of lights reflected in the lake every night, causing major traffic jams.

4. The streets are alive with revelers.

The Christmas lights on Estaiada Bridge, Paulista Avenue, and Rua Normandia are the main attraction, and people are walking around smiling and taking selfies.

5. Christmas choirs surround all the metro and train stations.

Also, the open piano at Sé station plays Christmas songs. And stuff like this is bound to happen:

6. A giant Santa on a bicycle greets bikers using the Faria Lima cycle lane in front of Iguatemi Mall, the oldest in town.

Not only there: in front of the Mayorship building there is ANOTHER giant, biker Santa. In an year when dozens of bike lanes were inaugurated, this is a refreshing sight. Can you imagine? Bikes in São Paulo?

7. Magazines advise “How to get ready for summer in half a day!” while heavy (and tasty!) cuscuz and farofa recipes abound.

Alas, the biggest dilemma of girls celebrating the holidays in the Southern Hemisphere: enjoy it all, but keep your “biquini body.” It’s a choice: you either eat what’s on the table or endure a crazy workout regime to keep fit. I tend to stay in the first group.

8. Panetonne is everywhere and available in every flavour imaginable.

From chocolate (chocotonne is the Brazilian take on the traditional Italian Christmas bread-like cake) to torresmo (really).

What cooks think of your breakfast

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IN THE MORNING, cooks are scrambling to set up the line in time for opening. Still shaking off the cobwebs from the evening before, we’re at our grumpiest when service begins. So while you may think the most important meal of the day is just an indication of what you’re craving, cooks everywhere are here to tell you otherwise:

Granola served over non-fat Greek yogurt – This is your first stop post-morning yoga. You’re the first person here and we’re just glad you didn’t order something from the hot line.

Oatmeal – You weren’t ready when the waiter finally got to you.

A greasy egg sandwich & Bloody Mary – You’re hungover. Or you’re still drunk and anticipating a hangover. Either way, good choice.

A side of gluten-free toast – The Paleo diet is trending on Pinterest, so obviously you’re doing it. You are going to get relatively upset when you find out we don’t serve gluten-free toast.

A single chocolate chip pancake – You’re either a small child or a freshman in college.

The basic breakfast – You’re boring. Eat at home next time.

Fried chicken & waffles – You probably ordered this with a Southern accent.

An egg white omelet – You remain up-to-date on all health fads. I’m tempted to tell you the yolks are the healthiest part of the egg, just to see to your reaction.

The $10 breakfast buffet – You’re a starving college student and will make at least three trips. You’re getting your money’s worth.

Eggs over-hard – You’re high maintenance and passive aggressive. So if the eggs are cooked soft, you’ll refuse to eat AND refuse to send back the dish.

Corned beef hash – You have no standards when it comes to food. You live by the five-second-rule.

Triple-chocolate muffin – You think that just because it’s served on the breakfast menu, it ceases to be dessert. You’ll probably also order a hot chocolate.

The vegetarian omelet, add bacon – You’re grudgingly trying to choose something healthy. You’ll probably add extra cheese and a side of hash browns, too. At some point, you might as well stop kidding yourself and ditch the veggies all together.

The breakfast burrito – You wish it was lunch and that you’d gone to Chipotle instead.

The fruit salad – You’re going to be disappointed when you see the melon:berry ratio. But that’s what you get for ordering fruit salad.

Anything with pork belly – We get that you’re a hipster, but stop asking for cold brew. We don’t serve it.

Just coffee – You’re just using us as a means to escape the cold. You’re probably going to sit there for the next two hours gossiping with your friends. Enjoy the free refills, asshole.

A bagel with cream cheese – You’re going to be late to class, but there was no food in your apartment.

Eggs Benedict – You’re a parent having breakfast without the kids. And that makes both of us happy.

Huevos rancheros – You’re personality is spicy, just like your taste buds. You’ll hoard our hot sauce bottle for the rest of the morning.

Brie and apple omelet – You’re fancy and pretentious enough to make sure this is prepared with extra virgin olive oil, not butter.

Tofu and vegetable scramble – Hippy and friend to all, you are polite and soft-spoken…as long as the vegetables are locally sourced and organically grown.

Grits – You, wise one, know something that everyone else is ignorant to. Despite their presentation, grits are actually a tasty dish and you will leave satisfied.

Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and oatmeal – You don’t have to tell us that you’re a weight lifter on the way home from the gym. Your muscle shirt, meal, and the sweat stain that you leave on the seat says it all.

Anything where you indicate a nut allergy – We know it’s not your fault, but if you knew the process behind preparing an allergy ticket, you wouldn’t have come during the rush.

Make-your-own omelet – You’re a control freak. If you want to dictate exactly what goes into your breakfast, eat at home. There’s a menu for a reason.

The breakfast burger – You’re in the industry. We’re going to send you a side of hash browns and add extra bacon to your burger.

Just hash browns – Everyone knows that hash browns are the best part of breakfast. You get right to the point, and we want to give you a pat on the back and a round of applause.