Matador Network's Blog, page 2162
January 11, 2015
What only London skateboarders see
Skateboarding … changes the way you see the world: you spend all day looking for ditches.
— Harmony Korine
Skateboarders notice things that non-skaters don’t — the height of curbs, the angle of handrails, number of stairs, launch points, cracks in the pavement. Skating fast and hard in urban areas is as much an art form as it is a sport, and A Guide to Cracks & Curbs: London does this street art justice. Check it out, and next time you’re strolling or rolling down the street, take a look around — you might be surprised at what you see. 
50 things to do in Africa
Photo by p r o m i s e
IN OCTOBER OF 2009, we began our attempt to visit nearly every country in Africa. At each stop, we met with farmers, community organizers, labor activists/leaders, unions, NGOs, funding and donor communities, and local press, and we blogged the experience.
Having visited more than 17 African countries so far, and spoken with hundreds of travelers, we’ve accumulated the following list. If you’re looking for something to do in any of the countries on the continent, here are some ideas to get you started.
And if you know of a cool or interesting activity that you don’t see here, please add it in the comments.
1. Algeria: Spend a day walking in Algiers to see Turkish palaces and the Martyrs Monument. The Dar Hassan Pacha Palace is a good one.
2. Angola: Head to Luanda in February for their annual carnival and join other expats for live shows and movies at Karl Marx. Claudio Silva has more in 5 Reasons to Go to Angola in 2009 (And Beyond).
3. Benin: See lions, leopards, hippos, and more at the Parc National de la Penjari. In Contonou, we hear the bar Le Costa Rica is a lot of fun.
4. Botswana: The best-value walking safari in Southern Africa is right next to Gaborone at a place called Mokolodi Nature Reserve. We love their permaculture projects, and they offer rhino tracking and safaris by horseback.
5. Burkina Faso: Explore Ouagadougou, one of our favorite capitals in Western Africa, then head to “Bobo” — Bob-Diolasso — the country’s second city.
6. Burundi: Check out the the craft market or relax at Saga beach.
7. Cameroon: Spend three days hiking Mount Cameroon (the highest peak in Western Africa) and visit rescued wildlife at the Limbe Wildlife Center.
Photo by muse1nspired
8. Central African Republic: You can try for Dzanga-Sangha National Park — very tough to reach without a chartered plane, but an incredible place to spot wildlife.
9. Chad: We’ve read about a Sunday afternoon music and dance party at a place called Plantation right outside N’Djamena.
10. Congo: We’ve been told that tours to the Parc National d’Odzala are worth the hefty cost. You can go trekking with the chance of spotting elephants, monkeys, and gorillas.
11. Cote d’Ivoire: Spend a few days in Abidjan for excellent food, drinks, and nightlife.
12. Democratic Republic of the Congo: We’ve heard about the Chutes de Lukia, where you can swim in natural lakes and then pay a visit to botanical gardens.
13. Djibouti: Walk Djibouti City for a day, and then head to the Bay of Ghoubet to snorkel with whale sharks.
14. Equatorial Guinea: See forest elephants and other wildlife on day hikes in Monte Alen National Park, and on your way back through Malabo check out the Marcado Suma market.
15. Egypt: Nick Rowlands tells you what you need to know in What NOT to Do in Egypt.
16. Eritrea: Another place that few travelers visit, Eritrea retains strong Italian influence in its espresso, cappuccino, gelato, pasta, and pizza, found everywhere in the capital city of Asmara.
17. Ethiopia: We ended our most recent trip in Addis Ababa, one of our favorite cities in Africa. Within the bumper-to-bumper traffic, people herd sheep and vendors hawk everything from Mentos to vacuum cleaners. The country is also famous for the rock churches of Lalibela.
Mursi children in Ethiopia. Photo by Dietmar Temps
18. Gabon: Lonely Planet recommends connecting with the Ebando Association to learn traditional arts and dance.
19. Gambia: Head to Serekunda to visit the Katchikali Crocodile Pool, take traditional drumming and dance lessons, and trek the Bijilo Forest Park.
20. Ghana: We visited the Cape Coast Castle, where slaves from all over Africa were imprisoned before being shipped to the U.S. and Europe.
21. Guinea: Join up with the Environmental Research Institute in Bossou to see chimpanzees, or hike the rainforests of Foret Classee De Ziama.
22. Guinea-Bissau: Hippos at Ilha de Orange, beach at Poilao Marine Park. If you’re there in February, catch Bissau’s carnival.
23. Kenya: Head North to Samburu to meet with pastoralists and see wildlife; while in Nairobi make sure you try the Indian restaurant Haandi. Check in with a Matador destination expert for more.
24. Lesotho: In the south, walk from Semonkong to the 200m Maletsunyane Falls.
25. Liberia: Explore the markets of Monrovia, followed by a drink at Mamba Point Hotel.
More like this: 44 Organizations Providing Internships, Volunteer Vacations, and Long-Term Programs in Africa
26. Libya: Visit the 800-year-old World Heritage old town of Ghadames.
27. Madagascar: Four hours east of Antananarivo, trek the rainforest in search of lemurs. Save a few days for the capital (don’t miss the lunch buffet at Hotel Sakamanga).
28. Malawi: Before heading to Lake Malawi, spend a few days in Lilongwe and visit the Lilongwe Wildlife Center, a sanctuary space for rescued, confiscated, orphaned, and injured wild animals.
29. Mali: Timbuktu might be too dangerous at the moment, so spend a couple days enjoying Bamako’s live music and nightlife, and make sure to grab dinner at Soukhothai.
30. Mauritania: After a visit to the fish market in Nouakchott, try a camel ride in Atar, or bird watch at the Parc National du Banc d’Arguin.
A camp at Mt. Kilimanjaro. Photo by Abhimanyu
31. Mauritius: Swim the ocean and hike the rainforest in the same long afternoon at Grand Bay.
32. Morocco: Get lost in the traditional markets of Marrakesh, where you can see everything from a dentist pulling teeth, to snake charmers, to unidentifiable dried fruits. When you’re ready to head out, try 5 Views of a Lesser-Known Morocco.
33. Mozambique: Enjoy coffee and wifi at Nautilus in Maputo, then hit the white-sand beaches of Tofo.
34. Namibia: Travel to Namib-Naukluft park and trek through the dunes of Sossusvlei to watch the sunrise.
35. Niger: Lonely Planet says there’s a giraffe herd 60km east of Niamey around Koure.
36. Nigeria: In Lagos, see live jazz at New Afrika Shrine, shop the fabric markets, and grab some Indian grub at Sherlaton restaurant. Matador Goods editor Lola Akinmade will be happy to add to this.
37. Rwanda: Spend a day at the Kigali Memorial Center to learn about the Rwandan genocide. For us, it was another reminder of how easily we turn our backs on events in Africa and our apathy towards a continent we know so little about.
Photo by Massmo Relsig
38. Sao Tome & Principe: See exotic flowers at the Flora Speciosa, visit the Corallo Chocolate Factory, and see a local coffee plantation.
39. Senegal: Catch a live performance at the Institut Francais, go dancing at Youssou N’Dour’s nightclub Thiossane, and pay a visit to the photogenic town of Saint Louis.
40. Sierra Leone: Once you’ve hit all of Freetown’s bars, try a canoe trek in Outamba-Kilimi National Park.
41. South Africa: So much to do here, but make sure to fit in a walking tour of Soweto and a visit to the Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg.
42. South Sudan: Africa’s newest country suffered through years of Civil War before it gained its independence. Now, as it gets back on its feet, it’s making a name for itself thanks to its incredible wildlife. So if you’re thinking of doing an African safari, why not try it in South Sudan?
43. Sudan: We suggest visitors find an organization to volunteer with. There’s no better way to get to know this beautiful yet turbulent country.
44. Somaliland: Definitely a road less traveled. I’ve read that the beaches of Las Geel are beautiful, that the country is relatively safe for Westerners, and that Hargeisa is worth a wander.
45. Swaziland: There’s whitewater rafting on the Usutu River — along with crocodiles and 10m waterfalls.
A Maasai Warrior. Photo by Gary Simmons
46. Togo: Spend a few days in Lome for markets, restaurants, coffee shops, nightlife, and dancing.
47. Tunisia: Take a tour of the desert and visit Douz, where you can go camel trekking.
48. Uganda: First, go whitewater rafting at the source of the Nile (near Kampala) and visit Lake Victoria. Then, if you can afford it, go gorilla trekking or hiking in .
49. Tanzania: Spend four days hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, then head south to Zanzibar Island for a spice tour and beautiful beaches.
50. Zambia: Start in Lusaka, and then head to the Copperbelt to visit the chimpanzee sanctuary (animals rescued from poachers) at the Chimfunshi Wildlife Orphanage.
51. Zimbabwe: Victoria Falls is huge, but we liked Harare better. Time your visit to enjoy the Harare International Festival of the Arts (April).
This article was originally published on July 7, 2010.
Projections in the Forest [video]
Artists Friedrich van Schoor and Tarek Mawad set out to do something truly unprecedented — map a “bioluminescent forest.” They spent six weeks in the forest fascinated by the silence and natural occurrences, especially the phenomenon of “bioluminescence.” They personified the forest to accentuate the natural beauty by creating luring luminescent plants and glowing magical mushrooms that will, quite frankly, blow your mind (drugs not required).
January 10, 2015
7 reasons you must visit Chamonix
CHAMONIX, A FAMED MOUNTAIN RESORT in the French Alps, sits in the shadow of one of the tallest mountains in Europe, the glorious Mont Blanc. With ultimate steep slopes, amazing off-piste possibilities, bottomless powder, and six resorts to choose from, it is a dream location for any hardcore skier and snowboarder.
Within seconds, Chamonix instantly captured my soul in a way that changed my relationship to the snow and mountain landscape forever. If you are a passionate winter-sports enthusiast, a landscape/sports photographer, or just a nature enthusiast, then Chamonix is the place for you.
All photos by the author.
1
Twin peaks
The cable car from Argentiere stops at 3,295 meters on the peak of Grand Montets. You will never forget the first time you see these two peaks. This route will take you past the glacier—which is beyond epic.
2
True heroes
I love this shot. This is a team of volunteers who took a special-needs group into the mountains. It makes me wonder, who are the real heroes? The men facing physical obstacles or the men that took them up there to enjoy the most epic but incredibly demanding route in the Alps.
3
Crazy!
Here is one crazy dude who climbed down the mountain to find his lost camera. Wow those French guys are insane! I found this intrepid man on Facebook two months later and sent him this picture!
Intermission
37
14 signs you were born and raised in British Columbia
by Jordan Oram
Insider’s Guide to Whistler: Bring the kids
by Sarah Menzies
1
Top 10 French schools for waves, wilderness, and bons temps
by Sandra Konta
4
Jump for joy
One thing you learn from the mountain is that you should never overestimate your skill level. If you are not ready to ride, leave it for another day. This is a friend of mine who experienced exhilarating highs and rock bottom lows riding this valley. This shot was taken at the end of the tour. She was so delighted, she jumped a meter in the air for this shot.
5
Ice grotto
One of the highlights of this region is it's glaciers. This fast moving ice grotto is the longest glacier in France. The glacier's speed, although not perceptible to the naked eye, is considerable. From more than 120 metres a year in its upper part, the spectacle moves about 90 metres per year
6
Wonderland
Can you believe that this place is exists? Near the head of the valley about 7km from Chamonix is the village of Argentiere. It marts the starting point for the Telepherique du Lognon cable car up to Les Grands Montets. A wonderful place to hunker down and refuel.
7
Heaven?
I have walked the streets of Chamonix so many times, oh god I love this place. Except for the numerous sport shops and restaurants it has a wealth of places for some Après Ski entertainment. Take a evening stroll and follow the music—you'll find the party!
Hiking Turkey’s Lycian Way off-season
Photo: Patrick Gensel
I FIND MYSELF ALONE on an empty beach talking to a dog.
He’d been pretty loyal on the steep track down, pausing if he came to a junction or bounding ahead if he was absolutely sure of the way we’d go. Now that we were at the beach his attention was set on figuring out what he could have for lunch.
With a total of one person to scrounge off, even the dog was feeling it: December is pretty quiet along the Lycian Way, one of Turkey’s few waymarked hiking trails.
You can walk the 509km along Turkey’s Mediterranean coast between Fethiye and Antalya in any season, but in winter there’s not many who do.
The tracks are in good order but few facilities are open November-April in the small villages along the way. And while I managed to walk a section during a week of no rain, winter can be uncomfortably wet.
On the three-day stretch I completed between Ovacik and Bogazici, I saw two other hikers — Turkish women who passed me as I walked towards Bogazici to catch a minibus back to Fethiye. They were hiking in the opposite direction and filming their trip with a handheld camera.
They put me in front of the lens to ask how I felt as a woman walking alone. I hadn’t even thought about it.
Outside villages the sum of human encounters I had was sidestepping two beekeepers midway through a honey extraction and a group of English-speaking Turkish tourists on mopeds who offered me water and oranges and wanted to hijack my plans and take me for an excursion to another beach.
Photo: sguyvarch
Most of the time I was alone to enjoy the view stretching the coast and watch woodpeckers and tits fly off as I approached. Between settlements, the track was thick with the call of birds and the rustling of lizards crawling through autumn leaves.
Essentials for the Lycian Way
Getting there
The start of my route at Ovacik is accessible by regular dolmuş (fixed-fare minibus) service from Fethiye. Turkey’s extensive bus network also runs to each terminus of the full Lycian Way. More transport information is available at Turkey Travel Planner.
Getting around
A bus runs on the main road between Antalya and Fethiye all year, though with less frequency in winter. Other sections of the trail are accessible from Kaş and Olympus. Infrequent dolmuş services stop at many villages on the trail, but hitching a ride to the main road is easily done.
Staying over
Spend your nights at family-run pensions, campsites with treehouse beds (private cabins built at tree height), or take your own tent for a night away from civilisation. Expect to spend 12-25 EUR per person per night along the trail, which typically includes dinner and breakfast.
More about Turkey: 10 things to know about Turkey
On the hike
The Lycian Way is well signposted, but the walk does traverse a range of terrain including some rough and steep climbs through loose stone. Some of the trail is classified as difficult, but the first few days from Fethiye are suitable for people of moderate fitness.
Photo: chany crystal
Packing and planning
Resources are thin on the ground in winter, so if you hike off-season take lunch supplies and, at least, 1 litre of water to last between villages. No matter what time of year you go, wear hiking boots, pack sun protection, and take a cellphone for emergencies.
The Lycian Way guidebook by Kate Clow is recommended for its comprehensive walk notes, supplemented by updates from her website, Trekking in Turkey.
Side trips
Stay another day in Fethiye to explore Kayaköy, a ghost town where the shells of hundreds of unoccupied Greek houses are being slowly overtaken by vegetation. Further along the trail, consider climbing the hills above Bogazici to the Lycian ruins at Sidyma or hiring a kayak at Kaş to visit the sunken city of Kekova.
This aricle was originally published on January 7th, 2011.
Strange Rumblings: Surfing Iceland
Hot dogs, whale meat, thick-ass neoprene, and sick overhead breaks — it’s surfing time in Iceland. Australia’s Globe surf team filmed Strange Rumblings in such locations as Mozambique, Sumbawa, Fernando de Noronha, Sumatra, and Southwest France. But this is the most interesting part — surfing Iceland amidst volcanoes in the distance and icebergs on shore.
The world's best cities for coffee
Image via: Robert Couse-Baker
Sacramento made its way onto the list of Sprudge’s underrated coffee cities in the United States. Doing business in town requires wading through the red tape doled out by California’s capital, and for the coffee scene, that means coffee shop owners are locals comprising a tight-knit community — very few outsiders buy in. A also included Sacramento among the US cities with the highest number of independent coffee shops per capita.
With institutions like Temple Coffee Roasters, which leads with the highest-rated coffee according to the Coffee Review, Old Soul Co., Insight Coffee Roasters, Fluid Espresso Bar, Chocolate Fish Coffee, and Naked Lounge, the craft coffee scene in Sacramento can contend — and probably outcompete — that of New York, San Francisco, Portland, and elsewhere.
2. Manila
Image via: Roberto Verzo
Third wave coffee is on the rise in the Manila, the sprawling, hurried capital of the Philippines. Duck & Buvette, located at Shangri-La Plaza, is among the third wave coffee shops sprouting up all over the city, serving V60 pourovers of Intelligentsia beans alongside fully-composed dishes like duck confit and candied bacon. Refinery follows a similar model, adding flavored coffee drinks — an orange-infused cappuccino, for instance — to its roster, on top of more traditional espresso drinks. Toby’s Estate, an Australian export that has also spread through New York, has an outpost in Salcedo Village. Craft Coffee Revolution, Yardstick, and a least a half a dozen more are leading the charge, bringing latte art rosettes and cafe culture to the 25.5 million people of Metro Manila.
3. Vancouver
Image via: Pete
Downtown Vancouver may well be the epicenter of Canadian coffee. Its residents look beyond Starbucks and Tim Hortons, preferring well-crafted brews made with beans sourced directly from growers. Among the heavy hitters are Elysian Coffee, which roasts for both of its shops, Revolver, Prado, Kafka’s Coffee and Tea, and 49th Parallel — also a roaster. There’s a coffee in Vancouver for everybody, whether you prefer slow-to-make pourovers or espresso drinks.
4. Dublin
Image via: Bex Walton
Dublin is a city known to imbibe — mostly alcohol, not coffee. But the boozy city is taking to cafe culture, most shops opening in the city center — Dublin 2 most of all. Latte art can be elaborate in Dublin, where shops like The Art of Coffee look beyond basic rosettes. Vice Coffee Inc., The Fixx, which roasts, Bald Barista, and Butlers Chocolate Cafe also serve up beautifully-crafted espresso drinks.
Still, there’s no Dublin coffee scene without talking about the granddaddy of them all, 3FE, founded by a former investment banker-turned-expert barista who is well-versed on several different preparation styles. Popular among Google Dublin employees, the shop, which also offers coffee tasting menus to its customers, is no doubt somewhat hipper-than thou. Yet it is comfortable and well-located enough, near the Grand Canal Dock, that you might ask for your drink in dishware to stay. Dublin will also be home to the 2016 World Barista Championships.
5. Taipei
Image via: Yosomono
A friend who lives in Taipei told me that young people don’t hang out at bars; they hang at cafes. Unlike many cities (including several on this list) that import third wave coffee culture from elsewhere and plop it down without context, Taipei is a city that has coffee steeped into its national heritage and sense of identity.
Fong Da is the oldest and best known shop in the city. Some also say it introduced the Taiwanese to iced coffee, the coffee gods’ gift to residents of a humid and unforgiving climate. GetMoreLab and OKLao Farms are among the new set of shops, importing high-quality beans from international roasters and catering to the city’s young people. Not all of the cafes here are about the coffee, though: Topo Cafe surrounds its customers with water, a pool of koi beneath their feet; Barbie Cafe is pink like its namesake doll. Either way, all customers are greeted with the friendliness and warmth Taipei natives are known for — and you won’t have trouble finding a coffee shop to rest your legs and refuel at in this walking city. Rumor has it there are hundreds of spots to choose from.
6. Oslo
Image via : Pål-Kristian Hamre
Many will say it’s not exactly a secret that Oslo is all serious about its coffee. Oslo roasts its coffee light: some joke that it’s the equivalent of pouring water over high-quality, unroasted green beans and letting that drip into your cup. The acidic, very bright coffee in Oslo is celebrated by its fans, Oliver Strand among them. Acolytes of Norwegian coffee fawn over Tim Wendelboe, Java Espressobar & Kaffeforretning and Mocca Kaffebar & Brenneri — the last two the brainchildren of the very first World Barista Champion, Robert Thoresen. No matter where you go in Oslo, whether it’s Kaffa or the architecturally-stunning Fuglen, drink coffee — and wonder whether you’ll be too spoiled to have another cup of dark roast again.
7. Denver
Image via: George Kelly
The Mile High City is bubbling up some of the United States’ best coffee — and so it should, according to a survey that ranks Denver fourth in the nation when it comes to coffee consumption. The beans are local, the baristas are skilled, and demand is high. Novo coffee has emerged as a specialty coffee leader in the city.
One of the veteran roasters of the city, and renowned nationwide for its bright roasts, Novo recently expanded beyond its warehouse near Coors Field to open hip cafes downtown. But this city is not short on acclaimed roasters and cafes that are well-established outside of Novo’s shadow: Roast Magazine named Denver native Coda Coffee Co. the best roaster of the year in 2014. Some say the quality of Colorado coffee is due to the arid, high-altitude climate — a certain Rocky Mountain terroir. And with the Highlands and River North sprouting so many microroasters and shops — complete with high-quality beans and award-winning baristas — with cultish followings, Denver postures itself as a must-see, must-sip coffee city.
8. Paris
Image via: Christopher Michel
Paris, usually along with Rome, lands itself on lists of “Cities that are supposed to have good coffee because cafe culture is important but their coffee is really bleh at best.” While most Parisian cafes are still more about the ambiance — the wicker chairs adjusted to face the street, the conversation, the occasional cigarette — than what’s in your cup, third wave coffee shops are flourishing in the City of Lights. With cafes like Spyglass, Télescope, Coutume Café, and Ten Belles sprouting up on both sides of the Seine, coffee that tastes good too has finally made it to Paris.
9. Moscow
Image via: skardd
The rise of coffee culture in Moscow has been slow, but the last several years have seen a country all but bereft of a good brew breeding stellar, although sometimes expensive, coffee shops. Some say that Coffee Mania, a place as known for its coffee as for its clientele, is an experience, above all else — the beautiful and moneyed hang here, sipping on coffees and the sweets that accompany. But what Moscow has long been lacking are third wave cafes, a hole now partially filled by the Black Coffee Cooperative, which focuses on brewing with Aeropress and V60, and Traveler’s Coffee. The Russian café experience is slow, the patrons expected to stay a while instead of pounding caffeine on the way to somewhere else.
10. Bangkok
Image via: drburtoni
Thailand is not the first-to-mind when considering which Asian capitals serve up the best cups of coffee, but the city of over 6 million, which welcomes more tourists than almost any other city in the world, is also beginning to welcome coffee — and refine its brewing skills that rival its northern neighbor, Chiang Mai.
Roots, a boutique roaster in the capital and cousin to the café Roast (they share the same owner), trains baristas and serves as an epicenter for the growing coffee scene. Shops like Casa Lapin, Tribeca Restobar, and Rocket Coffeebar make use of these local beans and serve Bangkok’s hipsters refined cups of coffee — from acidic, watery pourovers to espresso drinks.
=While the Thai city, located in the “bean belt,” the tropical geographic region blessed with climates hospitable to growing coffee, has previously iced and sugared and creamed its coffee into barely recognizable oblivion, a more-refined coffee culture is growing rapidly: coffee rockstars, most located in Sukhumvit, include Ceresia Coffee Roasters, Kuppa, and Casa Lapin, among others.
11. Auckland
Image via: wonderferret
When most minds think of a good cup of coffee down under, they turn to Melbourne — the Australian city that is, ostensibly, the coffee capital of that continent. But those in the know say that Auckland also takes its coffee seriously; it’s just on a smaller island. Though Australians would disagree, Auckland may actually be the birthplace of the flat white, the delicious espresso drink born in the ‘80s whose ratios land it somewhere between a macchiato and a cappuccino.
Stops along a local coffee tour would have to include Reslau, which has been showered in accolades for its exceptional coffee since it opened in 2007. The Espresso Workshop, located at 19 Falcon Street, has an assortment of signature drinks on top of what you’d expect to see on the menu: all you have to do is specify milk or no milk. Frolic Cafe, Good One, and Queenie’s Lunchroom are also among the top cafes in the city.
January 9, 2015
What your Uber driver thinks of you
Photo: Linus Ekenstam
It’s a drunk Friday night in your favorite city. The bars are flipping their lights on, people are paring up, and it’s time for your group to catch a ride home. In 2015, Uber seems to be the way to go. You pull out your phone, request a ride, bitch about the surge price (2.5 FYI), and make your way to the street to get in some stranger’s car. Maybe though, as you stand in the cold trying to decide which black sedan is your black sedan, you start to wonder what your Uber driver is really thinking. Well, let me tell you:
“Please God, let someone in this group be coherent enough to give me a real address.”
There’s nothing more frustrating for a driver than a group of drunken passengers who can’t give a proper address. I’ve been asked to take passengers to “the house by the gas-station,” “Jeremiah’s apartment,” and my personal favorite, “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.” Your driver, be it taxi or ride share, isn’t your mother and if you can’t tell them where you live don’t be shocked if they kick you to the curb.
“No, you can’t have the auxiliary cord to play your music.”
That’s what he’s thinking as your driver hands the cord to the drunkest of the pack. “Should I just drive off this bridge?” he thinks next — as the ringleader turns the volume all the way up and begins to blare Remix To Ignition. The driver actually swerves to the right a little as the girl sitting directly behind him attempts to sing the lyrics that she clearly doesn’t know.
“No, I’m sorry, I don’t have a phone charger for ALL FOUR of you.”
I know, I know. It’s late. Your phone and his phone and her phone and that girl who somehow just ended up with you’s phone are all down to 2%. But your driver only has one iPhone 5 charger. “Sorry.” That’s literally all he can say…even if you are threatening to give him three stars for it.
“Yeah, I would love to drive you to McDonald’s, and it would be my pleasure to ask for four separate orders.”
Seriously, don’t even ask. And if you do ask — you’d better offer to buy your driver a ten piece and leave a cash tip.
“I will throw your girlfriend out the door if she vomits in my car.”
That’s what your driver is thinking as the schwasty blonde starts screaming to roll down the windows because she’s going to be sick. Maybe she’d feel better if you hadn’t dared her to order a McRib. Also, don’t throw up in or on the car — just try your best to give the driver a chance to pull over. “Bye, Felicia,” he thinks as he imagines driving away without your happy gang.
“I really DON’T want to know what you’re going to do to her tonight…”
Don’t forget that your driver does have ears and he knows what you’re talking about back there. He can hear every dirty secret you whisper in each other’s ears; he understands your code of what your about to do to each other, and, most importantly, he can see you when you start your late-night activities early. He’ll kick you out. Trust me, he’s done it before.
“How much further? This ride could literally not be over soon enough.”
“Also, I hate you.”
“GET THE HELL OUT”
That’s the last thing he thinks as he swerves up to your building, hardly stopping for you to get out. “Freedom!” he screams when the door finally closes behind you. And as you walk to your door he’ll take a deep breath and wait for the beep signifying that a new ride is waiting somewhere close.
“FUCK.”
That’s what he’ll think when he realizes that the next ride is at the same building…it’s actually you again. You locked yourself out. And then…
“NOPE.”
He cancels the ride, speeds away, and calls it a night. “Wow, people are…people.”
Why sailors make the best travelers
Photo: kathryn aaker
1. Sailors are used to packing light.
There’s not much storage space on boats, so things have to get stowed in tiny lockers. Soft-sided waterproof bags are standard gear. Your travel buddy won’t take up a lot of space in the car or hotel and you won’t be waiting on them at baggage claim either. More time to get out of the airport and start enjoying the holiday!
2. They will never complain about sleeping conditions.
Sailors are used to sleeping in small bunks, or on deck with or without a cushion. You won’t find them complaining about the hostel beds or sleeping bag. Long flights and long layovers, no problem, they can pretty much sleep anywhere sitting up.
3. Likewise, you will never have to hear them whine about bathroom conditions.
Sailors are used to doing their business in a variety of conditions. Most sailors have a method for hanging on to something while underway and getting the job done…overboard. That toilet in Thailand or India where you stand up or crouch down over the facilities, no prob.
4. Sailors know how to maximize limited time like quick train/bus stops or flight layovers.
Due to anchors dragging or getting off the dock before paying big fees, sailors can find the nearest store and get back lickity-split. Think Amazing Race for beer and food.
5. They will show you how to avoid tourist traps.
Sailors can quickly assess new locations and determine where and what the tourist traps are and how to avoid them, because ports are usually littered with them.
6. Sailors somehow know everyone.
Sailors can get your very unhooked-up self into local events just by throwing out a few names of other sailors. “Oh, you know, so and so,” and, bam, you guys are all of a sudden the guests of honor at the beach bonfire later.
7. They have access to insider local knowledge.
Sailors are used to buying local goods and using local services at most ports. Need a good recommendation, head to any marina office and chat up the dockmaster, and usually a lot of local knowledge is imparted graciously.
8. Sailors can fix most anything.
Rule of thumb: spray with WD40, if not, use duct tape. Sailors are very handy lads and lasses to have around when something breaks.
9. Sailors don’t get riled up by bad weather.
A lot of time is spent waiting for a “weather window” to go sailing or start a voyage. Sailors will not sit around complaining. On a rainy day, they know to head to a bar to meet some locals and swap salty sea stories.
10. When your pic of the glorious sunset doesn’t do the moment justice, you can always steal theirs.
Theirs will always put your sunset pics to shame. They probably have 5,000 examples to prove it.
11. On most any coastline, your chances of getting invited on a boat go up dramatically when traveling with a sailor.
Sailors have a large network of sailing friends that travel all around the world and probably “bump” into them regularly. It’s not unusual to be invited for a sail and/or drinks on the boat.
12. Sailors know beaches and surf spots.
Always in touch with wind and tide reports makes for a good resource to find a nice place to surf or relax.
13. Sailors know how to cook lasagna with a blow torch.
Can your regular travel buddies say the same? If stuck somewhere without cooking fuel, rest assured that your sailor friend can still work some magic with whatever is at hand.
14. Sailors won’t keep you waiting while they primp.
Sailors don’t require hair dryers or cosmetics. They have the windblown, sun-kissed look down pat.
15. They can book your flight expertly.
They know all the big and little airports and their symbols. It’s part of the job to move “on the fly,” and they might have some frequent flyer miles to share, too.
16. Sailors won’t freak out without power or wifi.
A headlamp and book is fine. You won’t find them complaining the internet signal is cruddy. They don’t care.
17. Sailors are the original Boy Scouts.
They usually carry a multitool everywhere. Bottle of wine? They are always prepared with a way to open it.
18. Sailors function as your personal GPS.
The location of the sun and stars will do in a pinch. Lost? Right this way.
19. Sailors know how to sew.
They are not too proud to whip out a needle and thread. Sails don’t fix themselves. Your backpack breaks? Hand it over to your sailor friend and it will be like new in a few minutes.
20. Sailors know EVERY hour is happy hour.
Nothing more needs to be said here.
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