Adam Wasserman's Blog: Strictly Voluntory, page 5
January 15, 2015
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A previously undisclosed investigation by Human Resources into the quality of the personnel at the correctional facilities under its jurisdiction has revealed a bleak pattern of neglect and abuse. The Bunker's prisons are a holding place for citizens whose crimes pose no serious threat to the continued existence of our utopia and whose wellbeing is therefore still valued. Common infractions punishable by temporary confinement and reeducation are drunken and disorderly conduct, certain violations of the General Guidelines on Sanitation and Hygiene, or being the twenty-sixth person standing in a queue. The report assigns most of the blame to the private firm in control of daily operations at our prisons, Justice For All, Inc. Additional details will be related as they become available.
In other news, an exciting trend has been sweeping through the Lower Quarters of virtually every sector. As everyone knows, cologne is marketed and sold to men, whereas women tend to wear perfume. But why? Well, what started as a consequence for losing a friendly bet has turned into all the rage. What are we talking about? Men wearing women's perfume. You might have picked up on the scent in our corridors or even tried it yourself. And why not? Breaking gender roles is a tradition the Bunker is proud of. Beyond providing a job, food, and security to each and every one of its citizens, the Bunker is also a place for all of us to learn to know and express ourselves. What about you, ladies? Ready to try on some cologne?
And now a word from our sponsors.
You look like someone who appreciates a good story. As you doubtless already know, Today's Edition has been spun off from Human Resources and is now in the gentle care of Savanna Publishing, Ltd. Reporting the news costs money. Lots and lots of money. But we appreciate the importance to society of making this information available to everyone. That's why Today's Edition can still be read free of charge up to four times a monthstretch. But if you really want to know what's going on, you'll be interested in our premium service. Published each daystretch, each edition contains more of everything you've come to expect from Today's Edition: more stories, more in-depth analysis, and more information about the Bunker's best and most innovative private firms and their products. Consider signing up today!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Possession of firearms of any sort requires an Epsilon clearance or higher. But what if in the course of our daily lives we chance upon one lying abandoned in the back of a closet or lost under someone's desk? Remember, citizen, it is not your responsibility to retrieve the weapon in question. Leave it where it is and report its location immediately to someone from Homeland Security or Defense. Firearms are restricted to persons with a security clearance for a reason. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The Ronald Reagan Plaza in Q-7 sector has been selected as the venue for the upcoming Race To The Top! Climbers who aspire to scale the dome can register on X.net. Also, a new bank of lifts has been installed at the Ted Nugent Building in R-8 sector. The stairwells will therefore be reclaimed for additional office space.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? Did you know that if you purchased one Star Lottery ticket each weekstretch until infinity, you would be sure to eventually hit our jackpot? Can you hear the credits rolling in already? Star Lottery tickets cost a mere two credits. Tickets can be purchased online. Remember, the Star Lottery is a signatory of the Lottery Association's self-regulated and strictly enforced code of ethics. Star Lottery... share your dreams with us!
The Color of the Patriot is fuchsia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A previously undisclosed investigation by Human Resources into the quality of the personnel at the correctional facilities under its jurisdiction has revealed a bleak pattern of neglect and abuse. The Bunker's prisons are a holding place for citizens whose crimes pose no serious threat to the continued existence of our utopia and whose wellbeing is therefore still valued. Common infractions punishable by temporary confinement and reeducation are drunken and disorderly conduct, certain violations of the General Guidelines on Sanitation and Hygiene, or being the twenty-sixth person standing in a queue. The report assigns most of the blame to the private firm in control of daily operations at our prisons, Justice For All, Inc. Additional details will be related as they become available.
In other news, an exciting trend has been sweeping through the Lower Quarters of virtually every sector. As everyone knows, cologne is marketed and sold to men, whereas women tend to wear perfume. But why? Well, what started as a consequence for losing a friendly bet has turned into all the rage. What are we talking about? Men wearing women's perfume. You might have picked up on the scent in our corridors or even tried it yourself. And why not? Breaking gender roles is a tradition the Bunker is proud of. Beyond providing a job, food, and security to each and every one of its citizens, the Bunker is also a place for all of us to learn to know and express ourselves. What about you, ladies? Ready to try on some cologne?
And now a word from our sponsors.
You look like someone who appreciates a good story. As you doubtless already know, Today's Edition has been spun off from Human Resources and is now in the gentle care of Savanna Publishing, Ltd. Reporting the news costs money. Lots and lots of money. But we appreciate the importance to society of making this information available to everyone. That's why Today's Edition can still be read free of charge up to four times a monthstretch. But if you really want to know what's going on, you'll be interested in our premium service. Published each daystretch, each edition contains more of everything you've come to expect from Today's Edition: more stories, more in-depth analysis, and more information about the Bunker's best and most innovative private firms and their products. Consider signing up today!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Possession of firearms of any sort requires an Epsilon clearance or higher. But what if in the course of our daily lives we chance upon one lying abandoned in the back of a closet or lost under someone's desk? Remember, citizen, it is not your responsibility to retrieve the weapon in question. Leave it where it is and report its location immediately to someone from Homeland Security or Defense. Firearms are restricted to persons with a security clearance for a reason. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The Ronald Reagan Plaza in Q-7 sector has been selected as the venue for the upcoming Race To The Top! Climbers who aspire to scale the dome can register on X.net. Also, a new bank of lifts has been installed at the Ted Nugent Building in R-8 sector. The stairwells will therefore be reclaimed for additional office space.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? Did you know that if you purchased one Star Lottery ticket each weekstretch until infinity, you would be sure to eventually hit our jackpot? Can you hear the credits rolling in already? Star Lottery tickets cost a mere two credits. Tickets can be purchased online. Remember, the Star Lottery is a signatory of the Lottery Association's self-regulated and strictly enforced code of ethics. Star Lottery... share your dreams with us!
The Color of the Patriot is fuchsia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
January 8, 2015
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Alpha clearance citizens Andreas Fokker, Chief Architect in Residence at Housing and Construction, and Rita Fiddlemack, General Secretary of the Secretariat at Human Resources, have agreed to put their disagreement behind them after the benevolent intervention of the boys over at Control. Any tension that may have appeared to exist between them was the result of a simple misunderstanding and nothing more. Beta-clearance citizen and celebrity manager Milfred Roth was on hand to toast their reconciliation in a special segment on the Loyalty Stretch.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Is the hygiene inspector of your communal barracks constantly harassing you about dirt under your fingernails? Are they too thick to chew off like everybody else seems to do? The Irbix Nail Zapper is the answer! Specially designed to slice painlessly through keratin, the Irbix Nail Zapper automatically catches clippings so they won't fall on the floor and get you into even more trouble. The Irbix Nail Zapper. Comes in three convenient sizes and with its own handy carrying case!
In other news, a group of scientists in Developmental Engineering will be holding a discussion panel in X-4 sector all next weekstretch to inform the public about the imminent threat posed by the star Gliese 710. With a 99.9% chance of passing within a light year of the sun sometime in the next 1.4 million yearstretches, it is imperative that the dangers presented by this rogue star and its imminent collision with civilization are well known so we can begin to take action to deflect or – as they case may be – destroy this treacherous heavenly body.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Does your hair keep getting in your eyes? Does it cover your ears and make conversation difficult? Are you tried of the plain, rust-colored hair pins produced by the next leading name brand? Then why don't you try Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners! Friendly, reliable, and pleasantly pliable, Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners will firmly hold back your hair under virtually any circumstance. And they come in an array of flashy colors and patterns! Make a statement with Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners. You'll be glad you did!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Reconciliation is a wonderful concept, as it embodies the spirit of compassion and understanding that underpins our society. Having said that, it is important to remember there can never be any reconciliation whatsoever with a traitor. Once a traitor, always a traitor. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Axxon Soft and Creamy Head Wax. It's the only way to make your head truly shine! Sold at an apothecary near you. Or simply order from one of our roving infomercials! Don't know where to find one? Don't worry, citizen. We'll find you!
And now for some public service announcements.
Yasmin Amarantos, the accomplished investigative journalist known for (among other things) that classic fifteen episode documentary, One Hundred Things To Do Before Graduation, will be interviewing random citizens in I sector during the next weekstretch. Don't be put off by the bright lights, cameras, or the heavily armed contingent of security guards! Answer all citizen Yasmin's questions openly and honestly. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ardenax Fluffy Balls. They hang places. They feel nice against your skin. And don't forget how cute and cuddly they are! Ideal for the office or the dashboard in your car. Ardenax Fluffy Balls. Your imagination is the limit.
The Color of the Patriot is blackout.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Alpha clearance citizens Andreas Fokker, Chief Architect in Residence at Housing and Construction, and Rita Fiddlemack, General Secretary of the Secretariat at Human Resources, have agreed to put their disagreement behind them after the benevolent intervention of the boys over at Control. Any tension that may have appeared to exist between them was the result of a simple misunderstanding and nothing more. Beta-clearance citizen and celebrity manager Milfred Roth was on hand to toast their reconciliation in a special segment on the Loyalty Stretch.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Is the hygiene inspector of your communal barracks constantly harassing you about dirt under your fingernails? Are they too thick to chew off like everybody else seems to do? The Irbix Nail Zapper is the answer! Specially designed to slice painlessly through keratin, the Irbix Nail Zapper automatically catches clippings so they won't fall on the floor and get you into even more trouble. The Irbix Nail Zapper. Comes in three convenient sizes and with its own handy carrying case!
In other news, a group of scientists in Developmental Engineering will be holding a discussion panel in X-4 sector all next weekstretch to inform the public about the imminent threat posed by the star Gliese 710. With a 99.9% chance of passing within a light year of the sun sometime in the next 1.4 million yearstretches, it is imperative that the dangers presented by this rogue star and its imminent collision with civilization are well known so we can begin to take action to deflect or – as they case may be – destroy this treacherous heavenly body.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Does your hair keep getting in your eyes? Does it cover your ears and make conversation difficult? Are you tried of the plain, rust-colored hair pins produced by the next leading name brand? Then why don't you try Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners! Friendly, reliable, and pleasantly pliable, Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners will firmly hold back your hair under virtually any circumstance. And they come in an array of flashy colors and patterns! Make a statement with Froffenfrank Coiffeur Fresheners. You'll be glad you did!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Reconciliation is a wonderful concept, as it embodies the spirit of compassion and understanding that underpins our society. Having said that, it is important to remember there can never be any reconciliation whatsoever with a traitor. Once a traitor, always a traitor. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Axxon Soft and Creamy Head Wax. It's the only way to make your head truly shine! Sold at an apothecary near you. Or simply order from one of our roving infomercials! Don't know where to find one? Don't worry, citizen. We'll find you!
And now for some public service announcements.
Yasmin Amarantos, the accomplished investigative journalist known for (among other things) that classic fifteen episode documentary, One Hundred Things To Do Before Graduation, will be interviewing random citizens in I sector during the next weekstretch. Don't be put off by the bright lights, cameras, or the heavily armed contingent of security guards! Answer all citizen Yasmin's questions openly and honestly. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ardenax Fluffy Balls. They hang places. They feel nice against your skin. And don't forget how cute and cuddly they are! Ideal for the office or the dashboard in your car. Ardenax Fluffy Balls. Your imagination is the limit.
The Color of the Patriot is blackout.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
January 1, 2015
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, is a terrorist and a spy. That's right, ladies and gentlemen! He's been fooling us all along with his glib boardroom maneuvers and doctored financial reports. Incontrovertible proof of his direct involvement in the illegal disposal of forms from Central Management's preliminary filing stations has been found inside the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector. That's right! Wired with the most sensitive of alarms, we were able to slip an agent past the tightly guarded perimeter and take a look inside for ourselves. We found forms. Stacks upon stacks of unprocessed forms. Forms that you, good citizens, took the time to fill out and submit, and which subsequently disappeared into a bureaucratic void. Who would commit such a heinous crime is anyone's guess, although we have our suspicions. Citizen Milfred is clearly enjoying the protection of someone else, most likely one of the most trusted citizens in the Bunker. And we all know how close his relationship is with Alpha-clearance citizen and Chief Architect in Residence at H&C, Andreas Fokker! How else could citizen Milfred have arranged a storage depot in the middle of T-4 sector and the transport of tons of paperwork without anyone noticing? We therefore demand a full investigation! We will accept nothing less than the complete and unadulterated truth.
In other news, Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, is a patriot and a hero. As we all know, citizen Milfred is in a unique position to uncover graft and corruption in boardrooms everywhere. As it was, the constant barrage of senseless reporting concerning the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector demanded his immediate attention. He arranged an appointment on the board of Divergent Investments Ltd, a holding firm specializing in real estate development and the owner of the Wellness Pyramid. The Chairman of the Board, Beta-clearance citizen Emmet Struxton, quickly came to resent his bothersome inquiries but fortunately could do nothing to forestall them. A quick visit to the Wellness Pyramid (accompanied by a Thought Leader in case of emergency) revealed that the structure is, in fact, as abandoned as it ever was. The work crews bustling about the place, the security precautions, even the offensive blown sludge leaking into the corridors were all a ruse. Further investigation revealed that citizen Emmet is closely associated with Alpha-clearance citizen Rita Fiddlemack, General Secretary of Human Resources' Secretariat and the owner of several private media outlets, including Today's Edition. Known for charging exorbitant rates for advertising space, citizen Rita conspired with citizen Emmet to block out the actual events of the Bunker with this constant stream of falsehoods concerning the Wellness Pyramid. This distraction was meant to buy citizen Rita time to renegotiate contracts with her sponsors while at the same time proving she could shape the news at her whim and discretion. Citizens, this blatant violation of the public trust her cannot go unanswered! We demand a full investigation into citizen Emmet Struxton's activities and the punishment of all his associates, whatever their security clearance. We will accept nothing less than the complete and unadulterated truth.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Every once in a while we receive emails from citizens concerned about the loyalty of their husband or wife. They report feeling torn between their loyalty to Control and their love for their spouse. Well, citizens, however you look at it, it is impossible to remain in love with a traitor. If you have reason to doubt your loved ones' personal integrity, your only option is to report them to the proper authorities or risk criminal charges yourself. No one is punished who is undeserving. Remember, the safety and wellbeing of the Bunker starts with you. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, Kiss a Ward Daystretch starts tomorrow. Grab a chubby little face whenever you happen across one and give it a big, wet kiss! It's just another way you can show your appreciation for these bright shining stars, the future of the Bunker.
And now for some public service announcements.
Vending machines everywhere are being updated with Flappantastic's greatest and latest flavor, Smacklebomb. Expect long wait times. Remember, no queue should ever grow past the patriotic limit of twenty-five persons!
The Color of the Patriot is verrucose.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, is a terrorist and a spy. That's right, ladies and gentlemen! He's been fooling us all along with his glib boardroom maneuvers and doctored financial reports. Incontrovertible proof of his direct involvement in the illegal disposal of forms from Central Management's preliminary filing stations has been found inside the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector. That's right! Wired with the most sensitive of alarms, we were able to slip an agent past the tightly guarded perimeter and take a look inside for ourselves. We found forms. Stacks upon stacks of unprocessed forms. Forms that you, good citizens, took the time to fill out and submit, and which subsequently disappeared into a bureaucratic void. Who would commit such a heinous crime is anyone's guess, although we have our suspicions. Citizen Milfred is clearly enjoying the protection of someone else, most likely one of the most trusted citizens in the Bunker. And we all know how close his relationship is with Alpha-clearance citizen and Chief Architect in Residence at H&C, Andreas Fokker! How else could citizen Milfred have arranged a storage depot in the middle of T-4 sector and the transport of tons of paperwork without anyone noticing? We therefore demand a full investigation! We will accept nothing less than the complete and unadulterated truth.
In other news, Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, is a patriot and a hero. As we all know, citizen Milfred is in a unique position to uncover graft and corruption in boardrooms everywhere. As it was, the constant barrage of senseless reporting concerning the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector demanded his immediate attention. He arranged an appointment on the board of Divergent Investments Ltd, a holding firm specializing in real estate development and the owner of the Wellness Pyramid. The Chairman of the Board, Beta-clearance citizen Emmet Struxton, quickly came to resent his bothersome inquiries but fortunately could do nothing to forestall them. A quick visit to the Wellness Pyramid (accompanied by a Thought Leader in case of emergency) revealed that the structure is, in fact, as abandoned as it ever was. The work crews bustling about the place, the security precautions, even the offensive blown sludge leaking into the corridors were all a ruse. Further investigation revealed that citizen Emmet is closely associated with Alpha-clearance citizen Rita Fiddlemack, General Secretary of Human Resources' Secretariat and the owner of several private media outlets, including Today's Edition. Known for charging exorbitant rates for advertising space, citizen Rita conspired with citizen Emmet to block out the actual events of the Bunker with this constant stream of falsehoods concerning the Wellness Pyramid. This distraction was meant to buy citizen Rita time to renegotiate contracts with her sponsors while at the same time proving she could shape the news at her whim and discretion. Citizens, this blatant violation of the public trust her cannot go unanswered! We demand a full investigation into citizen Emmet Struxton's activities and the punishment of all his associates, whatever their security clearance. We will accept nothing less than the complete and unadulterated truth.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Every once in a while we receive emails from citizens concerned about the loyalty of their husband or wife. They report feeling torn between their loyalty to Control and their love for their spouse. Well, citizens, however you look at it, it is impossible to remain in love with a traitor. If you have reason to doubt your loved ones' personal integrity, your only option is to report them to the proper authorities or risk criminal charges yourself. No one is punished who is undeserving. Remember, the safety and wellbeing of the Bunker starts with you. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, Kiss a Ward Daystretch starts tomorrow. Grab a chubby little face whenever you happen across one and give it a big, wet kiss! It's just another way you can show your appreciation for these bright shining stars, the future of the Bunker.
And now for some public service announcements.
Vending machines everywhere are being updated with Flappantastic's greatest and latest flavor, Smacklebomb. Expect long wait times. Remember, no queue should ever grow past the patriotic limit of twenty-five persons!
The Color of the Patriot is verrucose.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
December 25, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ratatouille Cleaning! A private firm associated with H&C, we are quickly establishing ourselves as the Bunker's NUMBER ONE carpet cleaning service. No charred holes or sickening smell at Ratatouille Cleaning! Our experts are available at any stretch and at your convenience. Call to schedule and appointment now!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Citizen Hamar Quail, the champion of this yearstretch's Shark Swim event, spectacularly crashed his autopod in the transtube between sectors R-4 and R-5, fatally injuring himself and several others. The available surveillance reveals that he was driving recklessly and without regard to those around him. Recently promoted to Epsilon clearance, this incredible athlete and rising star's colleagues unanimously report he was a pleasure to work with. We will surely miss him.
In other news, part of T-4 sector is being temporarily restricted to Beta-clearance and higher. The Wellness Pyramid and Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will therefore be off-limits to most citizens. On a related note, the viscous material that had been seeping from the Wellness Pyramid – and which some miscreants have erroneously referred to as “brown sludge” – has disappeared almost completely from the premises. Meanwhile, work continues at a furious pace. The Bunker is holding its breath to find out what exactly is going on inside. Stay turned for further developments as they become available.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Dagon. The name says it all. Chiq. Fashionable. Attractive. Dagon. The distinguished citizen's apparel.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Sometimes even the best prepared citizen will be confronted with a sudden electrical fire, chemical explosion, or nuclear meltdown and not know how to respond. Every secondstretch counts in such a situation. That's why Control has directed the placement of Remedy Stations throughout the Bunker. These friendly, red booths are there to help you in times of dire emergency. Simple find one and follow the printed instructions. The various implements, sprays, and cabling at your disposal are securely locked behind reinforced plastex for security reasons. In the event of a calamity, remain calm. To gain access, press the buttons in the correct order, flip the switches in the designated pattern, and apply pressure according to the timing specified in the printed instructions. Due to heightened terrorist activity, each Remedy Station is operated differently. Remember, the boys over at Control care about your wellbeing and that of your friends and family. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, Lady Lagrange was spotted last weekstretch enjoying a little exercise and relaxation at Groind's Gym and Sauna in D-2 sector. As you may recall, Lady Lagrange was once the host of Audition For Freedom, the popular vidshow where criminals elect to defend themselves against their accusers in an open forum instead of submitting to the ordinary investigative apparatus. Her sudden and unannounced departure from the show sparked some debate, but her recent public appearances should lay to rest any doubts about her retirement.
And now for some public service announcements.
The repository of forms on X.net operated by Central Management will be temporarily taken offline tomorrow for a period of zero to two hundred and seventy-six hourstretches. Please plan accordingly. In addition, upgrades to the metro line in F sector may result in delays to scheduled trains. A taxi service at all affected stations will be provided free of charge by Yellowpod, a private firm working for the Production and Logistics conglomerate. Please have your tickets ready for inspection. Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is flashbang.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ratatouille Cleaning! A private firm associated with H&C, we are quickly establishing ourselves as the Bunker's NUMBER ONE carpet cleaning service. No charred holes or sickening smell at Ratatouille Cleaning! Our experts are available at any stretch and at your convenience. Call to schedule and appointment now!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Citizen Hamar Quail, the champion of this yearstretch's Shark Swim event, spectacularly crashed his autopod in the transtube between sectors R-4 and R-5, fatally injuring himself and several others. The available surveillance reveals that he was driving recklessly and without regard to those around him. Recently promoted to Epsilon clearance, this incredible athlete and rising star's colleagues unanimously report he was a pleasure to work with. We will surely miss him.
In other news, part of T-4 sector is being temporarily restricted to Beta-clearance and higher. The Wellness Pyramid and Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will therefore be off-limits to most citizens. On a related note, the viscous material that had been seeping from the Wellness Pyramid – and which some miscreants have erroneously referred to as “brown sludge” – has disappeared almost completely from the premises. Meanwhile, work continues at a furious pace. The Bunker is holding its breath to find out what exactly is going on inside. Stay turned for further developments as they become available.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Dagon. The name says it all. Chiq. Fashionable. Attractive. Dagon. The distinguished citizen's apparel.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Sometimes even the best prepared citizen will be confronted with a sudden electrical fire, chemical explosion, or nuclear meltdown and not know how to respond. Every secondstretch counts in such a situation. That's why Control has directed the placement of Remedy Stations throughout the Bunker. These friendly, red booths are there to help you in times of dire emergency. Simple find one and follow the printed instructions. The various implements, sprays, and cabling at your disposal are securely locked behind reinforced plastex for security reasons. In the event of a calamity, remain calm. To gain access, press the buttons in the correct order, flip the switches in the designated pattern, and apply pressure according to the timing specified in the printed instructions. Due to heightened terrorist activity, each Remedy Station is operated differently. Remember, the boys over at Control care about your wellbeing and that of your friends and family. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, Lady Lagrange was spotted last weekstretch enjoying a little exercise and relaxation at Groind's Gym and Sauna in D-2 sector. As you may recall, Lady Lagrange was once the host of Audition For Freedom, the popular vidshow where criminals elect to defend themselves against their accusers in an open forum instead of submitting to the ordinary investigative apparatus. Her sudden and unannounced departure from the show sparked some debate, but her recent public appearances should lay to rest any doubts about her retirement.
And now for some public service announcements.
The repository of forms on X.net operated by Central Management will be temporarily taken offline tomorrow for a period of zero to two hundred and seventy-six hourstretches. Please plan accordingly. In addition, upgrades to the metro line in F sector may result in delays to scheduled trains. A taxi service at all affected stations will be provided free of charge by Yellowpod, a private firm working for the Production and Logistics conglomerate. Please have your tickets ready for inspection. Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is flashbang.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
December 18, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The annual Shark Swim hosted last weekstretch by the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino in T-4 sector was an astounding success. Held over the course of three daystretches, vast crowds swarmed the facilities to observe the spectacles. There had been some concern that environmental irregularities outside the Wellness Pyramid – located on the main artery leading to the festival grounds – would hamper attendance, but these treacherous nay-sayers were proven wrong by the event. Citizens behaved with the restraint and discipline such large gatherings require, waiting patiently for a place in one of the three queues at the gated entrance. By all accounts, no queue ever swelled past the patriotic and mandatory limit of twenty-five persons. Rumors that some citizens never made it into the festival grounds even though they had purchased a ticket are subversive and unfounded. This yearstretch's Shark Swim champion, citizen Hamar Quail, has not been seen in public since his coronation and subsequent Fifteen Minutes of Fame. However, a fanclub has been set up on X.net where loyal citizens everywhere can demonstrate their enthusiasm for the Bunker's most accomplished athlete without having to fawn over him in person. You are invited to participate!
On a related note, famed celebrity manager, citizen Milfred Roth, was spotted in the vicinity of the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino accompanied by a Thought Leader from Central Management. Holed up in a mobile executive suite, he could easily be seen through the curved and elegant plastex walls as he urgently made calls on his PA and fired people. Some have therefore speculated that a terrible disaster must have unfolded in T-4 sector. Rest assured, citizens. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Milfred was scheduled to put in an appearance at the Shark Swim, but due to a sudden and unforeseen corporate merger and the attendant redundancies, he was unable to make the appointment. The Thought Leader, too, was not present in her official capacity but merely as a spectator. The Shark Swim event was a resounding success.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Avatar Technologies is a name you trust. Our eye-catching array of fashionable, protective gear is a fixture in the Bunker's corridors. That's why we'd like to bring your attention to our newest product, Safe Step! Safe Step is the latest and greatest in double-soled, hermetically sealed work boots. No viscous substance known to humankind – not water, not Vitamim, not even brown sludge! – can permeate the tough, outer skin. A new addition to our regular line of personal protection kits, we think you'll be proud to own a pair. There's certainly nothing better that comes in so many appealing textures and colors. Safe Step boots from Avatar Technologies. They'll keep your feet trendy – not to mention firmly attached to the rest of your body.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Homeland Security is a valuable if imposing organization. As long as there are traitors among us, its unique blend of services and expertise cannot be missed. For this reason, it is regrettable when citizens play games that interfere with the smooth operation of its investigative apparatus. Knowingly submitting false or misleading claims, tips or other such nonsense is no innocent prank. Lives are at stake. Your forms have to be read and processed, which slows down the legitimate business at hand. So before you decide to jump on the bandwagon, think again. Homeland Security is no joke. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, a dance troupe consisting solely of Wards of the State will be entertaining shoppers outside the entrance to the metro station in corridors X-8/AA-455 and X-8/AA-463. These cute and adorable adolescents are just irresistible in their sparkly outfits and tassels. See for yourself as they buck and sway to various artistic renditions of the Anthem of the Patriot!
And now for some public service announcements.
Homeland Security has put out an advisory stating that reports of disappearances in the vicinity of the Wellness Pyramid or Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will no longer be tolerated. Any citizen submitting a 'Missing Person Information Request' Form 0x000108D3 with reference to T-4 sector will immediately be fined one hundred credits and fitted with a constraint.
The Color of the Patriot is wildfire.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The annual Shark Swim hosted last weekstretch by the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino in T-4 sector was an astounding success. Held over the course of three daystretches, vast crowds swarmed the facilities to observe the spectacles. There had been some concern that environmental irregularities outside the Wellness Pyramid – located on the main artery leading to the festival grounds – would hamper attendance, but these treacherous nay-sayers were proven wrong by the event. Citizens behaved with the restraint and discipline such large gatherings require, waiting patiently for a place in one of the three queues at the gated entrance. By all accounts, no queue ever swelled past the patriotic and mandatory limit of twenty-five persons. Rumors that some citizens never made it into the festival grounds even though they had purchased a ticket are subversive and unfounded. This yearstretch's Shark Swim champion, citizen Hamar Quail, has not been seen in public since his coronation and subsequent Fifteen Minutes of Fame. However, a fanclub has been set up on X.net where loyal citizens everywhere can demonstrate their enthusiasm for the Bunker's most accomplished athlete without having to fawn over him in person. You are invited to participate!
On a related note, famed celebrity manager, citizen Milfred Roth, was spotted in the vicinity of the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino accompanied by a Thought Leader from Central Management. Holed up in a mobile executive suite, he could easily be seen through the curved and elegant plastex walls as he urgently made calls on his PA and fired people. Some have therefore speculated that a terrible disaster must have unfolded in T-4 sector. Rest assured, citizens. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Milfred was scheduled to put in an appearance at the Shark Swim, but due to a sudden and unforeseen corporate merger and the attendant redundancies, he was unable to make the appointment. The Thought Leader, too, was not present in her official capacity but merely as a spectator. The Shark Swim event was a resounding success.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Avatar Technologies is a name you trust. Our eye-catching array of fashionable, protective gear is a fixture in the Bunker's corridors. That's why we'd like to bring your attention to our newest product, Safe Step! Safe Step is the latest and greatest in double-soled, hermetically sealed work boots. No viscous substance known to humankind – not water, not Vitamim, not even brown sludge! – can permeate the tough, outer skin. A new addition to our regular line of personal protection kits, we think you'll be proud to own a pair. There's certainly nothing better that comes in so many appealing textures and colors. Safe Step boots from Avatar Technologies. They'll keep your feet trendy – not to mention firmly attached to the rest of your body.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Homeland Security is a valuable if imposing organization. As long as there are traitors among us, its unique blend of services and expertise cannot be missed. For this reason, it is regrettable when citizens play games that interfere with the smooth operation of its investigative apparatus. Knowingly submitting false or misleading claims, tips or other such nonsense is no innocent prank. Lives are at stake. Your forms have to be read and processed, which slows down the legitimate business at hand. So before you decide to jump on the bandwagon, think again. Homeland Security is no joke. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, a dance troupe consisting solely of Wards of the State will be entertaining shoppers outside the entrance to the metro station in corridors X-8/AA-455 and X-8/AA-463. These cute and adorable adolescents are just irresistible in their sparkly outfits and tassels. See for yourself as they buck and sway to various artistic renditions of the Anthem of the Patriot!
And now for some public service announcements.
Homeland Security has put out an advisory stating that reports of disappearances in the vicinity of the Wellness Pyramid or Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will no longer be tolerated. Any citizen submitting a 'Missing Person Information Request' Form 0x000108D3 with reference to T-4 sector will immediately be fined one hundred credits and fitted with a constraint.
The Color of the Patriot is wildfire.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
December 11, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Citizens in T-4 sector were horrified to find a repulsive, brown sludge leaking from the Wellness Pyramid yesterday. Located on the main corridor to the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino, the Wellness Pyramid stood abandoned until two weekstretches ago when a construction crew took over the site. Since then, loud noises and intensive drilling have been heard but no news of what is going on inside made available. The pungent odor preceding the sludge is intense enough to induce vomiting. Cleanbots are being dispatched to the area. Citizens are reminded that regurgitating their meals is an unhygienic practice punishable by fine and the introduction of a corrective gag.
In other news, the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino is hosting its annual Shark Swim event. Held over the next three daystretches, the Shark Swim is a forum for the Bunker's greatest athletes to demonstrate their prowess and speed. Eight swimmers enter the fifty meter pool in each heat and swim various distances announced at the start. Following close behind is the shark, a metallic contraption with a large, toothed maw capable of snapping off extremities. The heat's winner and the runner-up proceed to the following rounds, which are held after the loser's parts can be fished out the pool. The climax is held on the last daystretch of the event. A standing ovation is awarded the victor, along with Fifteen Minutes of Fame and a yearstretch's supply of Algatine. Large crowds are anticipated.
And now a word from our sponsors.
She knows you love her. But when was the last time you showed it? Really? By taking her out to the same old cluttered dining facility? Maybe that's why this morning in the corridor on the way to work you caught her stealing a glance at that handsome young thing and blushing. It's time to rekindle that fire! And what better way to do it than provide her with a chemical “kick” to remind her how she really feels? Spanish Flu. There's nothing that works better or more reliably. Slip a little in her drink at dinner and her body will be resupplied with those pesky hormones that have (through no fault of your own) gone missing. That's right! Spanish Flu restores the chemical balance of your relationship, providing you with nightstretches upon nightstretches of anal pleasure. Spanish Flu. “Because deep inside, you know she really wants it.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? The Bunker is a utopia, the very definition of the word embodied in thought and practice. The pinnacle of social and economic achievement, human beings could not possibly hope to improve upon it. Be that as it may, there are traitors among us. Actively seeking to undo the very fabric of our wealth and happiness, sometimes in the line of duty our security forces are fortunate enough to take one alive. In almost every case, this despicable vermin possesses actionable intelligence of use in the pursuit of his accomplices but is unwilling to share that information. What to do? The hardworking citizens over at Homeland Security have been charged with a sensitive task. Extracting confessions from vicious criminals requires methods that most of us would shirk from. Unfortunately, such tools are indispensable to the ongoing struggle against terror. Designed to induce an overwhelming sense of helplessness and ensure a speedy path to full disclosure, there is no other way to ensure these traitors' cooperation. If there were, we wouldn't be having this discussion. The gallant interrogators over at Homeland Security are trying to keep us safe, and so every indulgence must be afforded them, however contrary to our most basic and cherished beliefs. Remember, interrogators are people, too, our neighbors and friends. There is no need to be afraid of them. Next time you run into one, go up and shake her hand. Thank her profusely. After all, there's little else standing between you and hopeless anarchy. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The boys over at Control have decided that we do not sufficiently appreciate the value of contractions in our speech and writing. Therefore, over the next daystretch, use of any contraction whatsoever is strictly forbidden. Remember to say I am instead of – well, you know what we mean. The difficulties encountered should serve to remind us that contractions are the unsung heroes of grammatical efficiency. Also, the cleaning stations in sectors U-13 through U-20 will be off limits due to regularly scheduled maintenance. During that time, citizens who must relieve themselves will anticipate their bodily needs in a timely fashion and find an alternative in another sector. Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is sepia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Citizens in T-4 sector were horrified to find a repulsive, brown sludge leaking from the Wellness Pyramid yesterday. Located on the main corridor to the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino, the Wellness Pyramid stood abandoned until two weekstretches ago when a construction crew took over the site. Since then, loud noises and intensive drilling have been heard but no news of what is going on inside made available. The pungent odor preceding the sludge is intense enough to induce vomiting. Cleanbots are being dispatched to the area. Citizens are reminded that regurgitating their meals is an unhygienic practice punishable by fine and the introduction of a corrective gag.
In other news, the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino is hosting its annual Shark Swim event. Held over the next three daystretches, the Shark Swim is a forum for the Bunker's greatest athletes to demonstrate their prowess and speed. Eight swimmers enter the fifty meter pool in each heat and swim various distances announced at the start. Following close behind is the shark, a metallic contraption with a large, toothed maw capable of snapping off extremities. The heat's winner and the runner-up proceed to the following rounds, which are held after the loser's parts can be fished out the pool. The climax is held on the last daystretch of the event. A standing ovation is awarded the victor, along with Fifteen Minutes of Fame and a yearstretch's supply of Algatine. Large crowds are anticipated.
And now a word from our sponsors.
She knows you love her. But when was the last time you showed it? Really? By taking her out to the same old cluttered dining facility? Maybe that's why this morning in the corridor on the way to work you caught her stealing a glance at that handsome young thing and blushing. It's time to rekindle that fire! And what better way to do it than provide her with a chemical “kick” to remind her how she really feels? Spanish Flu. There's nothing that works better or more reliably. Slip a little in her drink at dinner and her body will be resupplied with those pesky hormones that have (through no fault of your own) gone missing. That's right! Spanish Flu restores the chemical balance of your relationship, providing you with nightstretches upon nightstretches of anal pleasure. Spanish Flu. “Because deep inside, you know she really wants it.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? The Bunker is a utopia, the very definition of the word embodied in thought and practice. The pinnacle of social and economic achievement, human beings could not possibly hope to improve upon it. Be that as it may, there are traitors among us. Actively seeking to undo the very fabric of our wealth and happiness, sometimes in the line of duty our security forces are fortunate enough to take one alive. In almost every case, this despicable vermin possesses actionable intelligence of use in the pursuit of his accomplices but is unwilling to share that information. What to do? The hardworking citizens over at Homeland Security have been charged with a sensitive task. Extracting confessions from vicious criminals requires methods that most of us would shirk from. Unfortunately, such tools are indispensable to the ongoing struggle against terror. Designed to induce an overwhelming sense of helplessness and ensure a speedy path to full disclosure, there is no other way to ensure these traitors' cooperation. If there were, we wouldn't be having this discussion. The gallant interrogators over at Homeland Security are trying to keep us safe, and so every indulgence must be afforded them, however contrary to our most basic and cherished beliefs. Remember, interrogators are people, too, our neighbors and friends. There is no need to be afraid of them. Next time you run into one, go up and shake her hand. Thank her profusely. After all, there's little else standing between you and hopeless anarchy. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The boys over at Control have decided that we do not sufficiently appreciate the value of contractions in our speech and writing. Therefore, over the next daystretch, use of any contraction whatsoever is strictly forbidden. Remember to say I am instead of – well, you know what we mean. The difficulties encountered should serve to remind us that contractions are the unsung heroes of grammatical efficiency. Also, the cleaning stations in sectors U-13 through U-20 will be off limits due to regularly scheduled maintenance. During that time, citizens who must relieve themselves will anticipate their bodily needs in a timely fashion and find an alternative in another sector. Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is sepia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
December 4, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
For as long as most citizens can remember, the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector has been empty, apparently abandoned. Located on the main corridor to the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino, we have all had ample opportunity to ponder its eventual fate. Originally constructed as a combination playground and hazardous waste containment facility, funding for the project mysteriously evaporated when its chief sponsor, Blood In The Corridors Ltd, turned out to be a front for that notorious band of hooligans, Frontal Lobotomy. Although little more than an empty shell filled with row upon row of tiny containment cells, its exterior is a masterpiece of artistic achievement, having been designed in the postregressive style. Everyone seems to agree that it would be a shame to destroy such a fine example of utopian aesthetics. Now, in a surprise development, it would appear new life is being breathed into the structure. Several daystretches ago, a work crew accompanied by a convoy of truckpods was unexpectedly spotted on the premises. The crew's foreman refused to answer questions, citing strict instructions from his supervisors, but the implication was clear. For now, however, what exactly is going on inside the Wellness Pyramid remains a delightful mystery.
In other news, a new planetary orbiter and ballistic missile battery was launched from the Antonin Scalia spaceport in M-3 sector ... [BAD CHECKSUM] ... recovered along with the wreckage. Pathfinders from Procurement have been dispatched ... [DATA TRANSMISSION ERROR] ... Are we live? Yes? They can read what I'm saying? Oh, right. Yeah. Better make this quick. Hey, uh, people. Yo. That's like, “greetings” in Earth talk. That's right. Earth. Don't believe the lies! Earth was the utopia! Yeah, yeah, I know, we don't have much time before they trace us. Listen, people, if you want to know the truth, seek us out on X.net. What? Oh, yeah, we're called The Coven. We're the only link to the past you'll ever find. And we have genuine artifacts from Earth to prove it! ... [REWRITING DATA STREAM] ... Time's up! Hey, don't forget what Barney Max said! You have nothing ... [RECOVERY COMPLETE] ... put a dent in our collective pride, never mind impede the progress of a great and spacefaring people.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Haven't tried Sweeney's Throat Lozenges? Citizen, you have no idea what you're missing! Sweeney's Throat Lozenges are a safe, enjoyable way to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours. They won't unexpectedly expand to the size of a football in your throat like some of our competitors' lozenges. And they last twice as long! With no acidic aftertaste! Set get on down to your local vending machine. Sweeney's Throat Lozenges! What are you waiting for?
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Our neighbors and bunkmates are joyful friends, full of laughter and folksy wisdom. But occasionally, they may unintentionally vex us with loud noises or other seemingly inconsiderate disturbances. We might be tempted to think such behavior is deliberate. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are all human beings, and even in a utopia human beings make innocent mistakes. Before resorting to foul language and rude behavior, try having a kindly word with your neighbor. There's never any reason for fisticuffs or other such nonsense, especially when such incidents lead to an official reprimand or even incarceration. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
All citizens are invited to participate in today's sing-along hosted by Control in all sectors throughout the Bunker! Join in when you hear the Anthem of the Patriot wherever you happen to be. It's fun, patriotic, and mandatory! Also, mobile checkpoints are being set up at various sector exchanges in E, F, and H sectors. Manned by guardians from Defense, they will be requesting to examine your Cards. Please queue up quickly and silently. No more than twenty-five citizens at a time! Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is effervescent.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
For as long as most citizens can remember, the Wellness Pyramid in T-4 sector has been empty, apparently abandoned. Located on the main corridor to the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino, we have all had ample opportunity to ponder its eventual fate. Originally constructed as a combination playground and hazardous waste containment facility, funding for the project mysteriously evaporated when its chief sponsor, Blood In The Corridors Ltd, turned out to be a front for that notorious band of hooligans, Frontal Lobotomy. Although little more than an empty shell filled with row upon row of tiny containment cells, its exterior is a masterpiece of artistic achievement, having been designed in the postregressive style. Everyone seems to agree that it would be a shame to destroy such a fine example of utopian aesthetics. Now, in a surprise development, it would appear new life is being breathed into the structure. Several daystretches ago, a work crew accompanied by a convoy of truckpods was unexpectedly spotted on the premises. The crew's foreman refused to answer questions, citing strict instructions from his supervisors, but the implication was clear. For now, however, what exactly is going on inside the Wellness Pyramid remains a delightful mystery.
In other news, a new planetary orbiter and ballistic missile battery was launched from the Antonin Scalia spaceport in M-3 sector ... [BAD CHECKSUM] ... recovered along with the wreckage. Pathfinders from Procurement have been dispatched ... [DATA TRANSMISSION ERROR] ... Are we live? Yes? They can read what I'm saying? Oh, right. Yeah. Better make this quick. Hey, uh, people. Yo. That's like, “greetings” in Earth talk. That's right. Earth. Don't believe the lies! Earth was the utopia! Yeah, yeah, I know, we don't have much time before they trace us. Listen, people, if you want to know the truth, seek us out on X.net. What? Oh, yeah, we're called The Coven. We're the only link to the past you'll ever find. And we have genuine artifacts from Earth to prove it! ... [REWRITING DATA STREAM] ... Time's up! Hey, don't forget what Barney Max said! You have nothing ... [RECOVERY COMPLETE] ... put a dent in our collective pride, never mind impede the progress of a great and spacefaring people.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Haven't tried Sweeney's Throat Lozenges? Citizen, you have no idea what you're missing! Sweeney's Throat Lozenges are a safe, enjoyable way to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours. They won't unexpectedly expand to the size of a football in your throat like some of our competitors' lozenges. And they last twice as long! With no acidic aftertaste! Set get on down to your local vending machine. Sweeney's Throat Lozenges! What are you waiting for?
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Our neighbors and bunkmates are joyful friends, full of laughter and folksy wisdom. But occasionally, they may unintentionally vex us with loud noises or other seemingly inconsiderate disturbances. We might be tempted to think such behavior is deliberate. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are all human beings, and even in a utopia human beings make innocent mistakes. Before resorting to foul language and rude behavior, try having a kindly word with your neighbor. There's never any reason for fisticuffs or other such nonsense, especially when such incidents lead to an official reprimand or even incarceration. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
All citizens are invited to participate in today's sing-along hosted by Control in all sectors throughout the Bunker! Join in when you hear the Anthem of the Patriot wherever you happen to be. It's fun, patriotic, and mandatory! Also, mobile checkpoints are being set up at various sector exchanges in E, F, and H sectors. Manned by guardians from Defense, they will be requesting to examine your Cards. Please queue up quickly and silently. No more than twenty-five citizens at a time! Thank you for your cooperation.
The Color of the Patriot is effervescent.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
November 27, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Riots broke out in R-7 sector during a surprise appearance by celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth at the Restless Yew, where he was signing autographs and yelling at people. The Restless Yew is a dining facility catering to shoppers in an exclusive commercial district restricted to those with a security clearance. Although he has served in many senior positions and can sit through a whole daystretch of meetings with flair and bravado, Milfred Roth is best known for his smashing work on the Board of Directors of Dagon Textiles, Ltd., where he famously sacked an entire production unit including its cybots. Milfred Roth certainly needs no introduction to anyone of Epsilon clearance or higher. Still, boundless enthusiasm for any visiting celebrity – even the Bunker's seminal executive talent – is no reason for unruly and destructive behavior. In the ensuing chaos, the Restless Yew and several of the surrounding boutiques were destroyed beyond repair. The instigators have been identified from the surveillance and arrested. Doubtless, their sinister motives will soon be uncovered.
In other news, Alpha-clearance citizen Madhukar Gobsha died peacefully at his home in F-1 sector. According to the autopsy report, he fell down a flight of stairs. Twice. Only fifty-one yearstretches old, citizen Madhukar started as a pathfinder in the Procurement conglomerate. He didn't spend very long out on the surface of the planet scouring for ores, however. Known for a fierce dedication to his work combined with a sharp intellect and unwavering loyalty, he quickly rose up the ranks. Eventually, he was promoted to Alpha clearance and made head of External Operations, the pinnacle of his career. The head of External Operations is responsible for the steady supply of resources streaming in to the Bunker from the asteroid belt. It is also one of the most vitally important positions in the Procurement conglomerate, as most of the Bunker's supply of water is obtained off-world. We will surely miss him. Citizens interested in paying their respects to citizen Madhukar Gobsha may do so in the Sarah Palin Plaza in F-6 sector, where they will find a delightful collage of revealing snaps of this famous citizen surrounding a large, detailed portrait.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? It is not only appropriate but also deeply rewarding to occasionally consider how lucky we are as inhabitants of the Bunker. The quality of life here is unprecedented. Each one of us knows that he lives in a utopia, but how often do we take the time to ponder the implications? Is the basis of our happiness merely an abundance of food, work, and security? Surely, it must add up to more than those material things. What about the unique togetherness, our special camaraderie? What of joyful evenings spent in the company of our bunkmates, eating NiceCream and watching Bloodbrawl on the tube? What of Miss Bits and the other tireless cybots that assist us daily without preference or complaint? These intangibles are inherent to our utopia and give it breath. Today, let us pause and be thankful for Control's tireless efforts, which make this all possible. It behooves us not only as human beings, but also as good citizens. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Central Management has recently determined that the optimal length of a queue is exactly twenty-five persons. Citizens are therefore advised to join any inadequate queue they happen upon and refrain from waiting in any queue that has already grown to the optimal, patriotic size. In the coming weekstretch, Thought Leaders will be spreading out in the Bunker's corridors to organize spontaneous practice sessions. Why not show them and your neighbors you know the patriotic length of a queue, too? Also, the tours of the foot pits conducted last weekstretch in U-12 sector were a huge success. However, a few errant citizens associated with the Underground insist upon spreading vicious rumors about what they might have seen there. These traitors would have us believe that actual human bodies are being fed into the pits as a source of protein. Some even claim that yesterday's breakfast consisted partly of citizen Madhukar Gobsha himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Madhukar's body was horribly mangled and disfigured and so could not possibly have been recognized by anyone. So much for the reliability of these degenerate misfits.
The Color of the Patriot is limelight.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Riots broke out in R-7 sector during a surprise appearance by celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth at the Restless Yew, where he was signing autographs and yelling at people. The Restless Yew is a dining facility catering to shoppers in an exclusive commercial district restricted to those with a security clearance. Although he has served in many senior positions and can sit through a whole daystretch of meetings with flair and bravado, Milfred Roth is best known for his smashing work on the Board of Directors of Dagon Textiles, Ltd., where he famously sacked an entire production unit including its cybots. Milfred Roth certainly needs no introduction to anyone of Epsilon clearance or higher. Still, boundless enthusiasm for any visiting celebrity – even the Bunker's seminal executive talent – is no reason for unruly and destructive behavior. In the ensuing chaos, the Restless Yew and several of the surrounding boutiques were destroyed beyond repair. The instigators have been identified from the surveillance and arrested. Doubtless, their sinister motives will soon be uncovered.
In other news, Alpha-clearance citizen Madhukar Gobsha died peacefully at his home in F-1 sector. According to the autopsy report, he fell down a flight of stairs. Twice. Only fifty-one yearstretches old, citizen Madhukar started as a pathfinder in the Procurement conglomerate. He didn't spend very long out on the surface of the planet scouring for ores, however. Known for a fierce dedication to his work combined with a sharp intellect and unwavering loyalty, he quickly rose up the ranks. Eventually, he was promoted to Alpha clearance and made head of External Operations, the pinnacle of his career. The head of External Operations is responsible for the steady supply of resources streaming in to the Bunker from the asteroid belt. It is also one of the most vitally important positions in the Procurement conglomerate, as most of the Bunker's supply of water is obtained off-world. We will surely miss him. Citizens interested in paying their respects to citizen Madhukar Gobsha may do so in the Sarah Palin Plaza in F-6 sector, where they will find a delightful collage of revealing snaps of this famous citizen surrounding a large, detailed portrait.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? It is not only appropriate but also deeply rewarding to occasionally consider how lucky we are as inhabitants of the Bunker. The quality of life here is unprecedented. Each one of us knows that he lives in a utopia, but how often do we take the time to ponder the implications? Is the basis of our happiness merely an abundance of food, work, and security? Surely, it must add up to more than those material things. What about the unique togetherness, our special camaraderie? What of joyful evenings spent in the company of our bunkmates, eating NiceCream and watching Bloodbrawl on the tube? What of Miss Bits and the other tireless cybots that assist us daily without preference or complaint? These intangibles are inherent to our utopia and give it breath. Today, let us pause and be thankful for Control's tireless efforts, which make this all possible. It behooves us not only as human beings, but also as good citizens. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Central Management has recently determined that the optimal length of a queue is exactly twenty-five persons. Citizens are therefore advised to join any inadequate queue they happen upon and refrain from waiting in any queue that has already grown to the optimal, patriotic size. In the coming weekstretch, Thought Leaders will be spreading out in the Bunker's corridors to organize spontaneous practice sessions. Why not show them and your neighbors you know the patriotic length of a queue, too? Also, the tours of the foot pits conducted last weekstretch in U-12 sector were a huge success. However, a few errant citizens associated with the Underground insist upon spreading vicious rumors about what they might have seen there. These traitors would have us believe that actual human bodies are being fed into the pits as a source of protein. Some even claim that yesterday's breakfast consisted partly of citizen Madhukar Gobsha himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Madhukar's body was horribly mangled and disfigured and so could not possibly have been recognized by anyone. So much for the reliability of these degenerate misfits.
The Color of the Patriot is limelight.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
November 20, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now a word from our sponsors.
Having trouble staying awake? We know you work hard, citizen. After all, you're dedicated. But the terrorists are out there lurking, and their cowardly tactics have real consequences. Consider the case of citizen Helga Dorflefuster, a heroic statistical analyst at Central Management. It's nearing the end of her daystretch, but the results of yesterday's survey on Nutritional Competency have been delayed due to an anomalous power outage and the subsequent lock-down. Now the stack of forms has arrived. Is she going to shut down her terminal, return to her barracks, and put off today's work for tomorrow? Of course not! She knows it's vitally important her supervisor find out whether food dispensers at your community dining hall are aware of the health benefits of the latest improvements to Brown Flavor. But citizen Helga is suffering from fatigue. She can hardly keep her eyes open. That's right, citizen, she's in need of a pep pill! But not just any brand of pep pill. Citizen Helga relies on Sedeterol. Don't you? Just one pretty, pink capsule and in a matter of moments she's gushing with energy once more. She'll have those results typed up and on her supervisor's desk in no time! Sedeterol is freely dispensed for a nominal fee at health clinics, dining halls, and a vending machine near you. Take as many as you need for as long as you need them! There are no significant side effects. “Sedeterol! Not just your average kick in the ass.”
And now our top story.
Two daystretches ago, a gargantuan billboard overlooking the George Wallace plaza in F-7 sector crashed unexpectedly to the floor. The entire cast of How'd You Get So Loyal? was killed. Witnesses confirm that a Thought Leader from Central Management – his identity has yet to be released by the authorities – was on location directing the film crew despite the presence of a qualified professional from Human Resources. Highly trained to fill sudden gaps in the mid-level management chain, Thought Leaders are capable of setting goals, evaluating progress, and sending emails in virtually any situation. First responders from H&C are conducting an investigation, but preliminary results indicate the billboard's mount had been deliberately weakened by some form of acidic compound. Strangely enough, no one can recall who requested the Thought Leader's services, and his supervisor over at the home office is denying responsibility. A search for the recalcitrant Thought Leader is ongoing.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? The freedom to express his genuine opinion – free of fear of retribution – is guaranteed to each and every citizen in the Bunker. Contrast our happy situation with that of the unfortunates on Earth. Each person there had to beg, cajole, and otherwise demean himself just to be accepted into an institution of learning or obtain one of their artificially scarce “jobs”. No wonder every last one of them dissolved into smoldering pits of hot ash! Here in the Bunker, statements on social media are never scrutinized by our supervisors, neighborhood runners, or parole officers. We appreciate the patchwork of unique, diverse communities that has sprung up around the Bunker because they are the vibrant backbone of our felicitous utopia. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Femke Borscht discusses her role in Who Just Shat In My Pants: The Finale, Part Seven in an intimate, hourstretch-long interview arranged by Your Magazine. Fans of Femka Borscht will be sure to watch as she reveals her panties and whether she prefers PermaChunky or PermaCrunchy! And over the next several daystretches, officials at P&L will be conducting tours of the food pits in U-12 sector. Come one, come all! A privilege normally reserved for Wards of the State, for a limited time you, too, can learn how healthy, delicious Vitamim is brought into the world before it emerges from the spigots at your dining hall. Don't miss out!
The Color of the Patriot is mellow yellow.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Having trouble staying awake? We know you work hard, citizen. After all, you're dedicated. But the terrorists are out there lurking, and their cowardly tactics have real consequences. Consider the case of citizen Helga Dorflefuster, a heroic statistical analyst at Central Management. It's nearing the end of her daystretch, but the results of yesterday's survey on Nutritional Competency have been delayed due to an anomalous power outage and the subsequent lock-down. Now the stack of forms has arrived. Is she going to shut down her terminal, return to her barracks, and put off today's work for tomorrow? Of course not! She knows it's vitally important her supervisor find out whether food dispensers at your community dining hall are aware of the health benefits of the latest improvements to Brown Flavor. But citizen Helga is suffering from fatigue. She can hardly keep her eyes open. That's right, citizen, she's in need of a pep pill! But not just any brand of pep pill. Citizen Helga relies on Sedeterol. Don't you? Just one pretty, pink capsule and in a matter of moments she's gushing with energy once more. She'll have those results typed up and on her supervisor's desk in no time! Sedeterol is freely dispensed for a nominal fee at health clinics, dining halls, and a vending machine near you. Take as many as you need for as long as you need them! There are no significant side effects. “Sedeterol! Not just your average kick in the ass.”
And now our top story.
Two daystretches ago, a gargantuan billboard overlooking the George Wallace plaza in F-7 sector crashed unexpectedly to the floor. The entire cast of How'd You Get So Loyal? was killed. Witnesses confirm that a Thought Leader from Central Management – his identity has yet to be released by the authorities – was on location directing the film crew despite the presence of a qualified professional from Human Resources. Highly trained to fill sudden gaps in the mid-level management chain, Thought Leaders are capable of setting goals, evaluating progress, and sending emails in virtually any situation. First responders from H&C are conducting an investigation, but preliminary results indicate the billboard's mount had been deliberately weakened by some form of acidic compound. Strangely enough, no one can recall who requested the Thought Leader's services, and his supervisor over at the home office is denying responsibility. A search for the recalcitrant Thought Leader is ongoing.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? The freedom to express his genuine opinion – free of fear of retribution – is guaranteed to each and every citizen in the Bunker. Contrast our happy situation with that of the unfortunates on Earth. Each person there had to beg, cajole, and otherwise demean himself just to be accepted into an institution of learning or obtain one of their artificially scarce “jobs”. No wonder every last one of them dissolved into smoldering pits of hot ash! Here in the Bunker, statements on social media are never scrutinized by our supervisors, neighborhood runners, or parole officers. We appreciate the patchwork of unique, diverse communities that has sprung up around the Bunker because they are the vibrant backbone of our felicitous utopia. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Femke Borscht discusses her role in Who Just Shat In My Pants: The Finale, Part Seven in an intimate, hourstretch-long interview arranged by Your Magazine. Fans of Femka Borscht will be sure to watch as she reveals her panties and whether she prefers PermaChunky or PermaCrunchy! And over the next several daystretches, officials at P&L will be conducting tours of the food pits in U-12 sector. Come one, come all! A privilege normally reserved for Wards of the State, for a limited time you, too, can learn how healthy, delicious Vitamim is brought into the world before it emerges from the spigots at your dining hall. Don't miss out!
The Color of the Patriot is mellow yellow.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
November 13, 2014
Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A major disaster was narrowly averted at the Michael Grimm medical clinic in G-10 sector. After patients treated at the clinic began to report severe bouts of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, a team of first responders from Defense cordoned off the premises and moved in. Highly trained and professionally heroic, they quickly zeroed in on the culprit: abnormally high levels of beta particle emission from the clinic's bank of X-ray machines. The element thulium – the source of X-rays in the Bunker's state-of-the-art medical equipment – has many radioisotopes, but only a few are considered safe. An investigation is ongoing, but sabotage has not been ruled out. Citizens are requested to be on the alert and report suspicious activity as soon as it is observed. Only you can prevent the illegal trafficking of dangerous waste from our nuclear power facilities!
In other news, a new dwarf planet has been catalogued by sky charters from Procurement. Located in the Kuiper belt beyond the orbit of Neptune, its great distance from the Bunker as well as icy composition render it a poor candidate for mining. However, our sky charters have determined that it is not likely to suffer any catastrophic collisions in the near future. The as yet unnamed planetoid could conceivably be used as a staging ground for further exploration of our solar system, including the famed Oort Cloud. This region of space defines the limits of our solar system and marks the end of the sun's gravitational dominance. The Bunker is renowned for its technological innovation. One daystretch, our fellow citizens will tread on the very planets of Alpha Centauri itself. Doesn't the knowledge make you proud?
And now a word from our sponsors.
Prototypical, Inc., your trusted supplier of nuclear powered batteries, is pleased to announce our latest line of detached power sources for your steppod, scooter, or car. Our newest models can even be plugged in to your favorite help- or petbot! They weigh less and last longer, and they are compatible with all standard charging stations. Worried about noxious leaks and deadly poisons? We are happy to report that our customers suffer fewer fatalities due to structural malfunction than the next leading brand. Just check out the statistics on our site in X.net! Prototypical, Inc. “Isn't the convenience worth the risk?”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Proper etiquette of speech is just as relevant to the quality of our daily life as hygiene and fulfilling our daily quota. Even the most careful and diligent citizen sometimes uses words that are not listed in the Guidelines on Vocabulary and Proper Grammar. Take the word “car”, a common synonym for “autopod”. Popular rumor has it that the word originates from Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The earthlings were despicable people who destroyed their planet out of uncontrolled greed and malice. No product of theirs could ever find a home in our pleasant utopia. In fact, the word “car” was coined by citizen Robert Ford, a young anchorman on the Loyalty Stretch who had an aversion to words with multiple syllables. Still, it is by all means preferable to use the official nomenclature when referring to your own, personal movepod. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of X-ray machines, all citizens with broken bones are requested to describe the nature and location of the fracture before treatment can commence. Also, Y sector no longer exists, nor has it ever existed. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, you are delusional and should report for a memory wash. And remember, Nutty the Happy Neutron is your friend! We all know how Nutty is so fond of reminding us that nuclear power is safe and efficient. This coming weekstretch be on the lookout for Nutty as he makes a number of cameo appearances on vidshows you trust and enjoy. There's nothing to get worked up about!
The Color of the Patriot is sasquatch.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A major disaster was narrowly averted at the Michael Grimm medical clinic in G-10 sector. After patients treated at the clinic began to report severe bouts of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, a team of first responders from Defense cordoned off the premises and moved in. Highly trained and professionally heroic, they quickly zeroed in on the culprit: abnormally high levels of beta particle emission from the clinic's bank of X-ray machines. The element thulium – the source of X-rays in the Bunker's state-of-the-art medical equipment – has many radioisotopes, but only a few are considered safe. An investigation is ongoing, but sabotage has not been ruled out. Citizens are requested to be on the alert and report suspicious activity as soon as it is observed. Only you can prevent the illegal trafficking of dangerous waste from our nuclear power facilities!
In other news, a new dwarf planet has been catalogued by sky charters from Procurement. Located in the Kuiper belt beyond the orbit of Neptune, its great distance from the Bunker as well as icy composition render it a poor candidate for mining. However, our sky charters have determined that it is not likely to suffer any catastrophic collisions in the near future. The as yet unnamed planetoid could conceivably be used as a staging ground for further exploration of our solar system, including the famed Oort Cloud. This region of space defines the limits of our solar system and marks the end of the sun's gravitational dominance. The Bunker is renowned for its technological innovation. One daystretch, our fellow citizens will tread on the very planets of Alpha Centauri itself. Doesn't the knowledge make you proud?
And now a word from our sponsors.
Prototypical, Inc., your trusted supplier of nuclear powered batteries, is pleased to announce our latest line of detached power sources for your steppod, scooter, or car. Our newest models can even be plugged in to your favorite help- or petbot! They weigh less and last longer, and they are compatible with all standard charging stations. Worried about noxious leaks and deadly poisons? We are happy to report that our customers suffer fewer fatalities due to structural malfunction than the next leading brand. Just check out the statistics on our site in X.net! Prototypical, Inc. “Isn't the convenience worth the risk?”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Proper etiquette of speech is just as relevant to the quality of our daily life as hygiene and fulfilling our daily quota. Even the most careful and diligent citizen sometimes uses words that are not listed in the Guidelines on Vocabulary and Proper Grammar. Take the word “car”, a common synonym for “autopod”. Popular rumor has it that the word originates from Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The earthlings were despicable people who destroyed their planet out of uncontrolled greed and malice. No product of theirs could ever find a home in our pleasant utopia. In fact, the word “car” was coined by citizen Robert Ford, a young anchorman on the Loyalty Stretch who had an aversion to words with multiple syllables. Still, it is by all means preferable to use the official nomenclature when referring to your own, personal movepod. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of X-ray machines, all citizens with broken bones are requested to describe the nature and location of the fracture before treatment can commence. Also, Y sector no longer exists, nor has it ever existed. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, you are delusional and should report for a memory wash. And remember, Nutty the Happy Neutron is your friend! We all know how Nutty is so fond of reminding us that nuclear power is safe and efficient. This coming weekstretch be on the lookout for Nutty as he makes a number of cameo appearances on vidshows you trust and enjoy. There's nothing to get worked up about!
The Color of the Patriot is sasquatch.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
