Adam Wasserman's Blog: Strictly Voluntory, page 3
June 4, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is your host, Hillary Binzer, and you're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
Marsha Wong, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, is a vile terrorist and a traitor. She will therefore no longer be joining me here in the newsroom. Unbeknownst to myself, she was passing hidden, coded messages embedded in our news dispatches to fellow conspirators throughout the Bunker. Marsha Wong, you worked to aid and abet the forces of evil and chaos striking at the very heart of our freedom-loving and benevolent utopia. You may have managed to worm your way into my confidence, but your devious tongue will soon be silenced forever. This is, of course, the unenviable fate of every traitor, without exception.
Indeed, in the past weekstretch alone, Homeland Security has scored a number of important victories against the ever-growing terrorist threat, including the arrest and termination of a mole in the bomb squad, citizen Marhammud Kali Al-Imiz of I-15 sector. How exactly someone with a name like that could have operated for so long without attracting suspicion is a matter currently under investigation. Several of his squadmates have already been taken into custody for questioning.
Let us take a stretch to pay homage to the fabulous men and women over at Homeland Security who keep us secure. We should never forget them. Their interrogation chambers are literally overflowing with evil-doers and social deviants of all stripes who would otherwise be free to execute their odious plots to disrupt our public life and sap our morale. Our corridors and community dining halls are undoubtedly much safer.
Some citizens resent the complete and invasive surveillance required to keep us out of harm's way. Some citizens believe it is perfectly acceptable for others to voice this opinion even if they do not themselves share it. But citizens, remember: anyone with an alleged need for so-called privacy is clearly doing something he or she shouldn't and is a menace.
If you are not engaged in any illegal activities, it should not bother you that agents from Homeland Security are watching you sleep or having a hygiene inspection on your way out of the cleaning station. After all, many of us snore or drool at night. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have two butt cheeks, too. If there isn't a concussion grenade stuffed up your anal cavity, why object to a bit of preventative monitoring while you wipe them clean?
However, eager to show its sensitivity to our feelings and demonstrate its propensity for compassion, the boys over at Control have issued revised guidelines on the use of the surveillance streaming in from all corners of the Bunker. They have done this even though human eyes rarely ever see this raw data. The automated systems that sort through it are, of course, completely incapable of making personal judgements. Your helpbot might seem like it loves you and is dedicated to your wellbeing, but in reality it is just programmed that way. Cybots do not have opinions of their own.
In any case, all raw data from surveillance feeds will now be held by a private firm associated with Homeland Security. Agents will henceforth have to request access to it via an internal committee formed of their colleagues. This internal committee is by no means a rubber-stamp institution and will abide by strict rules meant to foster trust and faith in the forces of Justice and Good. These rules are, of course, beyond your security clearance (as is the name of the private firm), but rest assured that they were formulated with the utmost concern for your privacy and will be obeyed at all costs.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
Marsha Wong, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, is a vile terrorist and a traitor. She will therefore no longer be joining me here in the newsroom. Unbeknownst to myself, she was passing hidden, coded messages embedded in our news dispatches to fellow conspirators throughout the Bunker. Marsha Wong, you worked to aid and abet the forces of evil and chaos striking at the very heart of our freedom-loving and benevolent utopia. You may have managed to worm your way into my confidence, but your devious tongue will soon be silenced forever. This is, of course, the unenviable fate of every traitor, without exception.
Indeed, in the past weekstretch alone, Homeland Security has scored a number of important victories against the ever-growing terrorist threat, including the arrest and termination of a mole in the bomb squad, citizen Marhammud Kali Al-Imiz of I-15 sector. How exactly someone with a name like that could have operated for so long without attracting suspicion is a matter currently under investigation. Several of his squadmates have already been taken into custody for questioning.
Let us take a stretch to pay homage to the fabulous men and women over at Homeland Security who keep us secure. We should never forget them. Their interrogation chambers are literally overflowing with evil-doers and social deviants of all stripes who would otherwise be free to execute their odious plots to disrupt our public life and sap our morale. Our corridors and community dining halls are undoubtedly much safer.
Some citizens resent the complete and invasive surveillance required to keep us out of harm's way. Some citizens believe it is perfectly acceptable for others to voice this opinion even if they do not themselves share it. But citizens, remember: anyone with an alleged need for so-called privacy is clearly doing something he or she shouldn't and is a menace.
If you are not engaged in any illegal activities, it should not bother you that agents from Homeland Security are watching you sleep or having a hygiene inspection on your way out of the cleaning station. After all, many of us snore or drool at night. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have two butt cheeks, too. If there isn't a concussion grenade stuffed up your anal cavity, why object to a bit of preventative monitoring while you wipe them clean?
However, eager to show its sensitivity to our feelings and demonstrate its propensity for compassion, the boys over at Control have issued revised guidelines on the use of the surveillance streaming in from all corners of the Bunker. They have done this even though human eyes rarely ever see this raw data. The automated systems that sort through it are, of course, completely incapable of making personal judgements. Your helpbot might seem like it loves you and is dedicated to your wellbeing, but in reality it is just programmed that way. Cybots do not have opinions of their own.
In any case, all raw data from surveillance feeds will now be held by a private firm associated with Homeland Security. Agents will henceforth have to request access to it via an internal committee formed of their colleagues. This internal committee is by no means a rubber-stamp institution and will abide by strict rules meant to foster trust and faith in the forces of Justice and Good. These rules are, of course, beyond your security clearance (as is the name of the private firm), but rest assured that they were formulated with the utmost concern for your privacy and will be obeyed at all costs.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
May 28, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is your host, Marsha Wong, and you're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
Hillary Binzer, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, has gone mysteriously missing. Her ominous absence is a serious blow to journalistic integrity. If anyone has information concerning her disappearance or knows where to recover the body, please report as soon as possible to your local Homeland Security substation. Until a replacement has been found, I will have to assume full responsibility for accumulating and reading out the news to you. This is a burden I do not take on lightly. But given the grave terrorist threat facing us today, what loyal citizen could do otherwise? I appreciate your sympathy and support. I am confident I will rise to the occasion.
Moving on to the latest dispatches, the bomb squad based in I sector is being investigated for possible infiltration by a treacherous mole. As I'm sure you well know, this arm of Defense is a revered institution in the Bunker. Its brave disarmament officers risk life and limb to save ordinary citizens like us from the scars of burning napalm and white phosphorous. The presence of a mole in its ranks is therefore especially worrisome.
Citizen – give me a stretch as I try and get this name right – Mar K. Al-Imiz of I-15 sector, recently awarded a Mark of Excellence for his bravery in the field, is cooperating with authorities and is said to have already named several of his teammates as suspects. I will keep you informed of developments as they occur.
Elsewhere in the Bunker, the citizens of R-6 sector were treated to a terrible surprise three daystretches ago when they reported for their regular shower. A load of new and revolutionary soap produced by the Janelle Group had just been delivered overnight to their cleaning stations. Normally associated with harmless skin cremes, perfumes, and moisturizers, the Janelle Group's recent foray into cleansing products was initially greeted with enthusiasm. However, upon application, the soap produced second-degree burns and respiratory distress. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that the soap was still in the development stages and should never have been released to the public. How exactly – Oh! Hillary! What a pleasant surprise!
Is it, Marsha?
Of course it is! Why are you looking at me like that?
Because the brakes on my autopod gave out this morning during my way in on the transtube. I crashed into a truckpod from Janelle Group carrying crates of experimental soap and was rushed to the medical clinic along with tens of other citizens suffering from chlorine inhalation and scalding.
That's terrible, Hillary. But what makes you think that I would have anything to do with –
Because my autopod has a recorder on it, Marsha. You didn't know that, did you? After the last time you sabotaged my car I decided to have one installed. The feed is a bit grainy but you're easily identifiable. After a bit of digital enhancement, that is.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
Hillary Binzer, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, has gone mysteriously missing. Her ominous absence is a serious blow to journalistic integrity. If anyone has information concerning her disappearance or knows where to recover the body, please report as soon as possible to your local Homeland Security substation. Until a replacement has been found, I will have to assume full responsibility for accumulating and reading out the news to you. This is a burden I do not take on lightly. But given the grave terrorist threat facing us today, what loyal citizen could do otherwise? I appreciate your sympathy and support. I am confident I will rise to the occasion.
Moving on to the latest dispatches, the bomb squad based in I sector is being investigated for possible infiltration by a treacherous mole. As I'm sure you well know, this arm of Defense is a revered institution in the Bunker. Its brave disarmament officers risk life and limb to save ordinary citizens like us from the scars of burning napalm and white phosphorous. The presence of a mole in its ranks is therefore especially worrisome.
Citizen – give me a stretch as I try and get this name right – Mar K. Al-Imiz of I-15 sector, recently awarded a Mark of Excellence for his bravery in the field, is cooperating with authorities and is said to have already named several of his teammates as suspects. I will keep you informed of developments as they occur.
Elsewhere in the Bunker, the citizens of R-6 sector were treated to a terrible surprise three daystretches ago when they reported for their regular shower. A load of new and revolutionary soap produced by the Janelle Group had just been delivered overnight to their cleaning stations. Normally associated with harmless skin cremes, perfumes, and moisturizers, the Janelle Group's recent foray into cleansing products was initially greeted with enthusiasm. However, upon application, the soap produced second-degree burns and respiratory distress. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that the soap was still in the development stages and should never have been released to the public. How exactly – Oh! Hillary! What a pleasant surprise!
Is it, Marsha?
Of course it is! Why are you looking at me like that?
Because the brakes on my autopod gave out this morning during my way in on the transtube. I crashed into a truckpod from Janelle Group carrying crates of experimental soap and was rushed to the medical clinic along with tens of other citizens suffering from chlorine inhalation and scalding.
That's terrible, Hillary. But what makes you think that I would have anything to do with –
Because my autopod has a recorder on it, Marsha. You didn't know that, did you? After the last time you sabotaged my car I decided to have one installed. The feed is a bit grainy but you're easily identifiable. After a bit of digital enhancement, that is.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
May 21, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The bomb squad – provided by Defense during emergencies when the presence of a live explosive device has come into play – is an invaluable bulwark against the sinister machinations of pure evil which we face today. The disarmament officers who fill the majority of its ranks are determined citizens who regularly expose themselves to the dangers of maiming, dismemberment, or a sudden case of whiplash.
Brave guardians indeed, Marsha. That's why it's important to recognize these stalwart protectors of our liberty, especially in light of the current terrorist onslaught. Citizen Marcus Ames of I-15 sector, for example, stands out from the pack. Having distinguished himself in fourteen incidents over the last two weekstretches alone – including single-handedly deactivating an incendiary device at the Institute of Marketing and Public Diplomacy in A-4 sector with only three secondstretches to spare – a Mark of Excellence has been entered into his Permanent Record.
I'm curious, Hillary, how you arrived at the pronunciation “Ames”. The spelling suggests something more along the lines of “Imiz”, don't you think?
Well, Marsha, if you refer to the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography handed down by Control after careful deliberation, you will find that sounding out a word based on its graphemes will not always yield the correct, patriotic pronunciation.
I am well aware of the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography, Hillary.
Well, perhaps you should pay more attention to them instead of mauling citizen Marcus Imiz' name.
You mean Ames.
Moving right along, a spate of vicious cybot attacks has caused J sector to be put on lockdown indefinitely. Originally confined to cleanbots, medibots and the stray, traitorous helpbot, this coordinated assault escalated precipitously over the last sixteen hourstretches. Legions of flybots, killbots, and other heavily armed movebots reportedly broke out of storage and are still on the loose. Normally well secured behind magnetic force fields and deprived of their power supplies, they took the peaceful citizens of J sector by complete surprise.
The number of victims is staggering and still on the rise. Iconic among them is the young and innocent Yolanda Smirch. How could you neglect to mention her sad and terrible fate, Hillary? Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. A steadfast and productive resident of J-11 sector, her passing should not go unnoticed. All we know of her comes from the PA found smashed to bits under one of the bunks in the Lower Quarters. A professional reconstruction of events by highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources suggests she was gang-raped to death by a mob of oversized industrial equipment, including a hydraulic squeegee. Details are sketchy, but it would seem the ringleader was none other than Epsilon clearance citizen and confirmed neophyte of the God and Freedom Church, Mildred Grimmith, also of J sector and the supervisor of a team of highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources.
Actually, Marsha, you interrupted me before I could mention her. As I was about to say, encrypted data extracted from the PA in question has called the veracity of the entire story into doubt. First of all, no body was ever found, nor any traces of her DNA. Surely, being gang-raped by power tools would leave some kind of forensic trail. In fact, it's not even certain if Yolanda Smirch ever existed at all. There is no entry for her in the Communal Registry. Instead of becoming the witting tool of criminals intent on defrauding the public, perhaps next time you'll –
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The bomb squad – provided by Defense during emergencies when the presence of a live explosive device has come into play – is an invaluable bulwark against the sinister machinations of pure evil which we face today. The disarmament officers who fill the majority of its ranks are determined citizens who regularly expose themselves to the dangers of maiming, dismemberment, or a sudden case of whiplash.
Brave guardians indeed, Marsha. That's why it's important to recognize these stalwart protectors of our liberty, especially in light of the current terrorist onslaught. Citizen Marcus Ames of I-15 sector, for example, stands out from the pack. Having distinguished himself in fourteen incidents over the last two weekstretches alone – including single-handedly deactivating an incendiary device at the Institute of Marketing and Public Diplomacy in A-4 sector with only three secondstretches to spare – a Mark of Excellence has been entered into his Permanent Record.
I'm curious, Hillary, how you arrived at the pronunciation “Ames”. The spelling suggests something more along the lines of “Imiz”, don't you think?
Well, Marsha, if you refer to the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography handed down by Control after careful deliberation, you will find that sounding out a word based on its graphemes will not always yield the correct, patriotic pronunciation.
I am well aware of the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography, Hillary.
Well, perhaps you should pay more attention to them instead of mauling citizen Marcus Imiz' name.
You mean Ames.
Moving right along, a spate of vicious cybot attacks has caused J sector to be put on lockdown indefinitely. Originally confined to cleanbots, medibots and the stray, traitorous helpbot, this coordinated assault escalated precipitously over the last sixteen hourstretches. Legions of flybots, killbots, and other heavily armed movebots reportedly broke out of storage and are still on the loose. Normally well secured behind magnetic force fields and deprived of their power supplies, they took the peaceful citizens of J sector by complete surprise.
The number of victims is staggering and still on the rise. Iconic among them is the young and innocent Yolanda Smirch. How could you neglect to mention her sad and terrible fate, Hillary? Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. A steadfast and productive resident of J-11 sector, her passing should not go unnoticed. All we know of her comes from the PA found smashed to bits under one of the bunks in the Lower Quarters. A professional reconstruction of events by highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources suggests she was gang-raped to death by a mob of oversized industrial equipment, including a hydraulic squeegee. Details are sketchy, but it would seem the ringleader was none other than Epsilon clearance citizen and confirmed neophyte of the God and Freedom Church, Mildred Grimmith, also of J sector and the supervisor of a team of highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources.
Actually, Marsha, you interrupted me before I could mention her. As I was about to say, encrypted data extracted from the PA in question has called the veracity of the entire story into doubt. First of all, no body was ever found, nor any traces of her DNA. Surely, being gang-raped by power tools would leave some kind of forensic trail. In fact, it's not even certain if Yolanda Smirch ever existed at all. There is no entry for her in the Communal Registry. Instead of becoming the witting tool of criminals intent on defrauding the public, perhaps next time you'll –
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
May 14, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The terrorist campaign continues unabated. Most recently, power outages in G sector have impacted the extraction of bitumen, an important natural resource used to maintain the Bunker's spaceports. Without this sticky, black substance, spaceships bearing precious water and minerals from the asteroids would have nothing safe to land on.
That's right, Marsha. Never before has the Bunker faced an existential threat of such magnitude. This concerted and organized assault not only affects the production of bitumen but also a host of other basic materials required for the seamless functioning of our economy: copper for our electrical grid, niobium to increase the natural strength of steel, zirconium without which fuel could not be fed to our nuclear reactors – and aluminium, of course, which has so many primary uses it's impossible to enumerate them all!
May I interject, Hillary? There are reports that some people question the presence of bitumen in our production chain at all, claiming that it is actually a form of petroleum and therefore originates from decayed lifeforms. Before you erroneously take stock of these rumors (and set yourself on the sure path to social deviancy), let me remind you that the surfaces of Mars and Venus are infested with huge, carnivorous beasts called dinosaurs. These creatures are the definitive source of all the bitumen.
Thanks for the public service announcement, Marsha. Remember, citizens, dinosaurs attack on sight! You should never want to venture off into the outside. It is a forbidding and dangerous place.
Meanwhile, Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and tenacious boardroom warrior, continues to defend our precious home against the ascendant tide of evil. Through his efforts alone, scores of terrorist chieftains have landed in Homeland Security's interrogation chambers, confessing their crimes and those of their fellow conspirators to hard-working and dedicated agents. Milfred Roth has acted with a zealous fervor associated only with the Bunker's most cherished patriots. Anyone who says otherwise is a traitor.
As you all know, citizen Milfred Roth is a wily negotiator, capable of pawning off non-voting ordinary shares to dedicated employees and pension funds whilst he and the rest of the management team keep the preferred stock for themselves. Such creative and patriotic maneuvering has naturally earned him thousands of adoring admirers and even his own fan club on X.net! And now, in the Bunker's time of need, Milfred Roth has elected to bring his incredible acumen to bear on the current crisis.
If you're not with us, you're against us, Hillary.
That's right, Marsha.
What is truly remarkable about this particular act of bravery is that Milfred Roth will be operating undercover, risking his life to delve ever deeper into the traitors' nest in a gallant effort to expose its secret inner workings and shut it down once and for all.
Not to mention destroy the criminal masterminds that comprise the engine of depravity and death afflicting us today.
Thanks for interjecting, Hillary. Unfortunately, one of the consequences of this daring new strategy is that Mildred Roth will no longer be able to autograph fan snaps or make any public appearances whatsoever. His many loyal fans will have find other ways to satisfy their hunger for his electrifying and cold-calculating presence.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The terrorist campaign continues unabated. Most recently, power outages in G sector have impacted the extraction of bitumen, an important natural resource used to maintain the Bunker's spaceports. Without this sticky, black substance, spaceships bearing precious water and minerals from the asteroids would have nothing safe to land on.
That's right, Marsha. Never before has the Bunker faced an existential threat of such magnitude. This concerted and organized assault not only affects the production of bitumen but also a host of other basic materials required for the seamless functioning of our economy: copper for our electrical grid, niobium to increase the natural strength of steel, zirconium without which fuel could not be fed to our nuclear reactors – and aluminium, of course, which has so many primary uses it's impossible to enumerate them all!
May I interject, Hillary? There are reports that some people question the presence of bitumen in our production chain at all, claiming that it is actually a form of petroleum and therefore originates from decayed lifeforms. Before you erroneously take stock of these rumors (and set yourself on the sure path to social deviancy), let me remind you that the surfaces of Mars and Venus are infested with huge, carnivorous beasts called dinosaurs. These creatures are the definitive source of all the bitumen.
Thanks for the public service announcement, Marsha. Remember, citizens, dinosaurs attack on sight! You should never want to venture off into the outside. It is a forbidding and dangerous place.
Meanwhile, Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth, celebrity manager and tenacious boardroom warrior, continues to defend our precious home against the ascendant tide of evil. Through his efforts alone, scores of terrorist chieftains have landed in Homeland Security's interrogation chambers, confessing their crimes and those of their fellow conspirators to hard-working and dedicated agents. Milfred Roth has acted with a zealous fervor associated only with the Bunker's most cherished patriots. Anyone who says otherwise is a traitor.
As you all know, citizen Milfred Roth is a wily negotiator, capable of pawning off non-voting ordinary shares to dedicated employees and pension funds whilst he and the rest of the management team keep the preferred stock for themselves. Such creative and patriotic maneuvering has naturally earned him thousands of adoring admirers and even his own fan club on X.net! And now, in the Bunker's time of need, Milfred Roth has elected to bring his incredible acumen to bear on the current crisis.
If you're not with us, you're against us, Hillary.
That's right, Marsha.
What is truly remarkable about this particular act of bravery is that Milfred Roth will be operating undercover, risking his life to delve ever deeper into the traitors' nest in a gallant effort to expose its secret inner workings and shut it down once and for all.
Not to mention destroy the criminal masterminds that comprise the engine of depravity and death afflicting us today.
Thanks for interjecting, Hillary. Unfortunately, one of the consequences of this daring new strategy is that Mildred Roth will no longer be able to autograph fan snaps or make any public appearances whatsoever. His many loyal fans will have find other ways to satisfy their hunger for his electrifying and cold-calculating presence.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
May 7, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
Last weekstretch, my colleague Marsha Wong erroneously reported that the private firms had all been disbanded by Control. I am pleased to announce that this is not in fact the case.
Wait a stretch, Hillary. We both reported on that story. Remember? “The private firms never really served any useful purpose.” Your words, not mine.
As in many instances where disinformation or loss of life results from an innocent mistake, I'm sure Marsha Wong meant no harm.
You also said the private firms were a haven for traitors of all stripes. I have the transcript right here.
In the interests of comity and self-preservation, let us gloss over who lied to whom and forget about whatever her intentions might have been. After all, there is an army of traitors out there, sabotaging vital industrial centers and blowing holes in the domes. We've got to come together in a spirit of sisterhood.
You arrogant cancerhead.
What I think my colleague Marsha meant to say is that some of the private firms have been shut down in light of the current state of emergency. However, this action was not taken because the private firms are a scourge on society. What loyal citizen would possibly suggest such a blatant lie? To the contrary, the private firms offer a much-needed platform for innovation and efficiency, a forum for experimentation that cannot be risked in the Bunker's core conglomerates. A number of useful discoveries have undoubtedly come from private firms. And let's not neglect to mention their customer-oriented focus! Most citizens prefer to work with the private firms, which have gone to great expense to improve wait-times in their call centers and sharpen their promotional messaging.
Well, that's actually what I reported last weekstretch.
No you didn't, Marsha.
Yes, I did, Hillary. I think if you review the transcript you'll see that I never said the private firms were being closed without exception. I think I was perfectly clear when I stated that there were a number of private firms that have been shut down due to a shortage of resources required by P&L and Developmental Engineering. And no one disparaged the usefulness of the private firms in general, certainly not myself.
Just because you used malware to delete the transcript of last weekstretch's dispatch from my PA doesn't mean it was permanently destroyed, Marsha.
In fact, given the state of emergency we face, we must be even more vigilant and resist the ever-growing terrorist threat. Witnessing and failing to report an act of treason in a timely fashion is – by definition – treason. One whole weekstretch is a pretty long time. Are you a traitor, Hillary?
Of course not, Marsha! All I meant was –
False accusations of treason are equally nefarious and those who make them are treated just like the traitors themselves.
Truce, Marsha?
Truce, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
Last weekstretch, my colleague Marsha Wong erroneously reported that the private firms had all been disbanded by Control. I am pleased to announce that this is not in fact the case.
Wait a stretch, Hillary. We both reported on that story. Remember? “The private firms never really served any useful purpose.” Your words, not mine.
As in many instances where disinformation or loss of life results from an innocent mistake, I'm sure Marsha Wong meant no harm.
You also said the private firms were a haven for traitors of all stripes. I have the transcript right here.
In the interests of comity and self-preservation, let us gloss over who lied to whom and forget about whatever her intentions might have been. After all, there is an army of traitors out there, sabotaging vital industrial centers and blowing holes in the domes. We've got to come together in a spirit of sisterhood.
You arrogant cancerhead.
What I think my colleague Marsha meant to say is that some of the private firms have been shut down in light of the current state of emergency. However, this action was not taken because the private firms are a scourge on society. What loyal citizen would possibly suggest such a blatant lie? To the contrary, the private firms offer a much-needed platform for innovation and efficiency, a forum for experimentation that cannot be risked in the Bunker's core conglomerates. A number of useful discoveries have undoubtedly come from private firms. And let's not neglect to mention their customer-oriented focus! Most citizens prefer to work with the private firms, which have gone to great expense to improve wait-times in their call centers and sharpen their promotional messaging.
Well, that's actually what I reported last weekstretch.
No you didn't, Marsha.
Yes, I did, Hillary. I think if you review the transcript you'll see that I never said the private firms were being closed without exception. I think I was perfectly clear when I stated that there were a number of private firms that have been shut down due to a shortage of resources required by P&L and Developmental Engineering. And no one disparaged the usefulness of the private firms in general, certainly not myself.
Just because you used malware to delete the transcript of last weekstretch's dispatch from my PA doesn't mean it was permanently destroyed, Marsha.
In fact, given the state of emergency we face, we must be even more vigilant and resist the ever-growing terrorist threat. Witnessing and failing to report an act of treason in a timely fashion is – by definition – treason. One whole weekstretch is a pretty long time. Are you a traitor, Hillary?
Of course not, Marsha! All I meant was –
False accusations of treason are equally nefarious and those who make them are treated just like the traitors themselves.
Truce, Marsha?
Truce, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
April 30, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
A new guideline promulgated by Control earlier today officially disbands private firms throughout the Bunker. The conglomerates to which they were associated have expropriated their assets and assumed responsibility for assimilating their functions.
And rightly so, Marsha. The sharp rise in terrorist activity warrants extreme action. And let's be honest: the private firms never really served any useful purpose anyway. They had merely devolved into vehicles for vice and corruption. I mean, let's be honest: since when was greed ever a healthy motivation for any activity?
The public interest trumps arrogance and selfishness every time, Hillary. Keep in mind the private firms were never officially sanctioned in the first place, just tolerated as an experiment in economic efficiency. All the important and necessary services remained safely in the hands of the conglomerates. Given the sudden and alarming shortage we face of a variety of basic materials, the boys over at Control decided to end what had obviously turned out to be a dreadful failure.
And we all know what that means, citizens. Failures on such a large scale can only be attributed to one thing: traitors. The private firms were clearly a haven for them. Links between their activities and the current, overwhelming surge of sabotage and disruption have not clearly been established, but agents from Homeland Security are sure to reach that conclusion sometime soon.
Of course, the Bunker is a utopia, and its loyal citizens the epitome of resourcefulness. Great strides against the terrorist hordes have been made. Here are but a few instances we can report to you.
This is by no means a complete list, citizens. Marsha is merely referring to those that have come to our attention.
That's what I said, Hillary.
Just being clear about this, Marsha.
A neighborhood runner in B-6 sector was apprehended yesterday for entering apartments in her territory that were beyond her security clearance. Further investigation revealed that the apartments' occupiers had all mysteriously disappeared several weekstretches previously. Unfortunately, the surveillance in that part of B-6 sector has also disappeared. The neighborhood runner – I'm sorry, but we don't have a name for you – obviously has a great deal to answer for. Homeland Security assures us that a list of her fellow conspirators is being compiled as you read this.
A nuclear disaster in Y-8 sector, V-6 sector, F-10 sector, X-8 sector, R-10 sector, and C-4 sector was narrowly averted when fresh teams of reactor core attendants arrived at their new assignments. The previous reactor core attendants had – almost to a man – abandoned their posts, leaving spent fuel in several reactors. Unfortunately, sectors G-7, N-8, B-8, and J-10 were not so lucky. Remember, citizens, nuclear power is entirely safe and fun!
Also, three daystretches ago a gang of bandits suspected of being members of that outlawed organization, Acey Distorted, ran rampant through several departments of E sector, tossing EMP charges with abandon. The electromagnetic pulses wreaked havoc with the local machinery. According to several reports, a number of cybots subsequently ran amok, causing casualties at a medical clinic in E-5 sector. When the gang broke into the sector exchange and tried to enter E-2 sector – which was beyond their security clearance – guardians from Defense opened fire. There were no survivors.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
A new guideline promulgated by Control earlier today officially disbands private firms throughout the Bunker. The conglomerates to which they were associated have expropriated their assets and assumed responsibility for assimilating their functions.
And rightly so, Marsha. The sharp rise in terrorist activity warrants extreme action. And let's be honest: the private firms never really served any useful purpose anyway. They had merely devolved into vehicles for vice and corruption. I mean, let's be honest: since when was greed ever a healthy motivation for any activity?
The public interest trumps arrogance and selfishness every time, Hillary. Keep in mind the private firms were never officially sanctioned in the first place, just tolerated as an experiment in economic efficiency. All the important and necessary services remained safely in the hands of the conglomerates. Given the sudden and alarming shortage we face of a variety of basic materials, the boys over at Control decided to end what had obviously turned out to be a dreadful failure.
And we all know what that means, citizens. Failures on such a large scale can only be attributed to one thing: traitors. The private firms were clearly a haven for them. Links between their activities and the current, overwhelming surge of sabotage and disruption have not clearly been established, but agents from Homeland Security are sure to reach that conclusion sometime soon.
Of course, the Bunker is a utopia, and its loyal citizens the epitome of resourcefulness. Great strides against the terrorist hordes have been made. Here are but a few instances we can report to you.
This is by no means a complete list, citizens. Marsha is merely referring to those that have come to our attention.
That's what I said, Hillary.
Just being clear about this, Marsha.
A neighborhood runner in B-6 sector was apprehended yesterday for entering apartments in her territory that were beyond her security clearance. Further investigation revealed that the apartments' occupiers had all mysteriously disappeared several weekstretches previously. Unfortunately, the surveillance in that part of B-6 sector has also disappeared. The neighborhood runner – I'm sorry, but we don't have a name for you – obviously has a great deal to answer for. Homeland Security assures us that a list of her fellow conspirators is being compiled as you read this.
A nuclear disaster in Y-8 sector, V-6 sector, F-10 sector, X-8 sector, R-10 sector, and C-4 sector was narrowly averted when fresh teams of reactor core attendants arrived at their new assignments. The previous reactor core attendants had – almost to a man – abandoned their posts, leaving spent fuel in several reactors. Unfortunately, sectors G-7, N-8, B-8, and J-10 were not so lucky. Remember, citizens, nuclear power is entirely safe and fun!
Also, three daystretches ago a gang of bandits suspected of being members of that outlawed organization, Acey Distorted, ran rampant through several departments of E sector, tossing EMP charges with abandon. The electromagnetic pulses wreaked havoc with the local machinery. According to several reports, a number of cybots subsequently ran amok, causing casualties at a medical clinic in E-5 sector. When the gang broke into the sector exchange and tried to enter E-2 sector – which was beyond their security clearance – guardians from Defense opened fire. There were no survivors.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
April 23, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The Bunker has seen a sharp – perhaps even alarming – uptick in terrorist activity of late. Guardians from Defense are doing they best they can to keep the hoards of traitors at bay, and agents from Homeland Security are working late into their nightstretches to thwart the next series of attacks. But we are clearly facing an onslaught of unprecedented proportions.
Thank you, Marsha. Due to the severity of the situation, citizens everywhere are being asked to step up and take their own initiative. Remember, anyone with a higher security clearance than yourself can enter a Mark of Excellence into your permanent record. Or – in the case of inaction in the face of obvious harm to public property or other dastardly conduct – a Mark of Shame. Not only is a copy of your permanent record available for everyone to peruse on X.net, but it will also be taken into consideration when you are considered for a possible promotion.
That's right, Hillary. Consider the chaos that almost broke out in departments T-4 through T-6 when it turned out all the local commissaries were no longer functioning. You heard us correctly, citizen. Imagine: no delicious and nutritious Vitamim to help you kick off your daystretch and keep you satisfied as you sweat through your work quota. Now, accounts of the cause of this daring act of terrorism vary. Some state that the deliveries have ceased from the food pits, all of which are under P&L's control.
Hardly believable, Marsha. Still others claim that the staff has mysteriously disappeared. And there have been additional reports that the community dining halls themselves have suffered some kind of structural damage. I think I ever remember reading something about a collapsed ceiling!
A collapsed ceiling? Hillary, you've got to be kidding.
I didn't write the report, Marsha! But I wholeheartedly agree with your distrust of such obvious lies. Whatever the cause of the interruption in service at some of the community dining halls in T sector, rather than spreading outrageous falsehoods and contributing to the problem, citizens are advised to take a page from those assigned to eat there.
I'm all aglow, Hillary, just thinking about it now. Firstly, these fine citizens arranged amongst themselves to reassign certain of their number to other commissaries. An administratively difficult (and some say impossible) procedure, they'll be filling out the forms for some time, but it's their bold seizure of the initiative that we want to bring to your attention.
As for those left to fend for themselves in the deserted and admittedly dangerous commissaries, information is sketchy and vague. According to the latest surveillance, a few of them might have suffered unfortunate accidents. In a strange and bizarre twist to this story, their bodies have been misplaced and for some reason cannot be pinpointed at this time. Agents from Homeland Security will be investigating the mysterious disappearances as soon as they get around to it.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The Bunker has seen a sharp – perhaps even alarming – uptick in terrorist activity of late. Guardians from Defense are doing they best they can to keep the hoards of traitors at bay, and agents from Homeland Security are working late into their nightstretches to thwart the next series of attacks. But we are clearly facing an onslaught of unprecedented proportions.
Thank you, Marsha. Due to the severity of the situation, citizens everywhere are being asked to step up and take their own initiative. Remember, anyone with a higher security clearance than yourself can enter a Mark of Excellence into your permanent record. Or – in the case of inaction in the face of obvious harm to public property or other dastardly conduct – a Mark of Shame. Not only is a copy of your permanent record available for everyone to peruse on X.net, but it will also be taken into consideration when you are considered for a possible promotion.
That's right, Hillary. Consider the chaos that almost broke out in departments T-4 through T-6 when it turned out all the local commissaries were no longer functioning. You heard us correctly, citizen. Imagine: no delicious and nutritious Vitamim to help you kick off your daystretch and keep you satisfied as you sweat through your work quota. Now, accounts of the cause of this daring act of terrorism vary. Some state that the deliveries have ceased from the food pits, all of which are under P&L's control.
Hardly believable, Marsha. Still others claim that the staff has mysteriously disappeared. And there have been additional reports that the community dining halls themselves have suffered some kind of structural damage. I think I ever remember reading something about a collapsed ceiling!
A collapsed ceiling? Hillary, you've got to be kidding.
I didn't write the report, Marsha! But I wholeheartedly agree with your distrust of such obvious lies. Whatever the cause of the interruption in service at some of the community dining halls in T sector, rather than spreading outrageous falsehoods and contributing to the problem, citizens are advised to take a page from those assigned to eat there.
I'm all aglow, Hillary, just thinking about it now. Firstly, these fine citizens arranged amongst themselves to reassign certain of their number to other commissaries. An administratively difficult (and some say impossible) procedure, they'll be filling out the forms for some time, but it's their bold seizure of the initiative that we want to bring to your attention.
As for those left to fend for themselves in the deserted and admittedly dangerous commissaries, information is sketchy and vague. According to the latest surveillance, a few of them might have suffered unfortunate accidents. In a strange and bizarre twist to this story, their bodies have been misplaced and for some reason cannot be pinpointed at this time. Agents from Homeland Security will be investigating the mysterious disappearances as soon as they get around to it.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
April 16, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
This is Marsha Wong, who some have erroneously (and others treacherously) accused of being a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, sometimes confused with being a field organizer in the same!
Hillary and I want to set the record straight: we have always been the proud announcers of Your Edition Today!
The leading source of news you have come to depend on and trust.
You should be well advised before you state otherwise. And if you don't know what we're talking about, we have a very important announcement for you today. So keep reading!
Well, it's probably more important for some citizens and not others.
That's right, Hillary. Glad you mentioned it. We'll leave it up to you to figure out which group you belong to.
What Marsha and I mean is that Control has caught wind of a certain underhanded but extremely dangerous conspiracy.
Orchestrated by the worst and most notorious traitors, no doubt.
It always is, Marsha. But this particular conspiracy is even worse than all the others.
It always is, Hillary. Be aware that Homeland Security will be on the lookout for anyone exhibiting signs of participating in this grand deception and will take the necessary measures immediately. As in, without hesitation.
No more talk of a vast, Bunker-wide disaster will be tolerated. There has been no disaster, there never was any disaster, and there never will be any disaster. The Bunker is a utopia. Nothing untoward could ever happen to it.
You heard her right, citizens. It appears that over the course of the last few weekstretches, an evil fifth column has been actively working to convince everyone that the power has gone out, the ambient temperature is fluctuating wildly, and the cybots have run amok. There is even talk that certain departments have been exposed to the planetary conditions on the outside.
Citizens, nothing could be further than the truth. And if you want to stay alive, you should pay attention to what Marsha and I are saying. Careful attention.
Control has noticed a sharp decline in industrial output over the same period. Clearly, these traitorous elements have devised a new strategy to attack our morale as opposed to our infrastructure.
We must, of course, fight back.
Not only will our work quotas be restored, but in many cases they will be temporarily increased.
You heard what Marsha said. We've got a lot of making up to do. And it would be very unwise for anyone to allege that the metro isn't running or their commissary is dispensing poison instead of healthy, nutritious Vitamim.
Or that D-7 sector doesn't exist anymore.
Because Control can clearly tell that the metro is running, your commissary is full of satisfied people, and D-7 sector is exactly where it's always been.
There's no point in claiming you're the only one showing up for work, either. After all, Control can plainly see that your entire team is happily plugging away at whatever it is they have always plugged away at. Except you. You're not plugging away.
Get it, citizens?
I think they got it, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today!
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
This is Marsha Wong, who some have erroneously (and others treacherously) accused of being a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, sometimes confused with being a field organizer in the same!
Hillary and I want to set the record straight: we have always been the proud announcers of Your Edition Today!
The leading source of news you have come to depend on and trust.
You should be well advised before you state otherwise. And if you don't know what we're talking about, we have a very important announcement for you today. So keep reading!
Well, it's probably more important for some citizens and not others.
That's right, Hillary. Glad you mentioned it. We'll leave it up to you to figure out which group you belong to.
What Marsha and I mean is that Control has caught wind of a certain underhanded but extremely dangerous conspiracy.
Orchestrated by the worst and most notorious traitors, no doubt.
It always is, Marsha. But this particular conspiracy is even worse than all the others.
It always is, Hillary. Be aware that Homeland Security will be on the lookout for anyone exhibiting signs of participating in this grand deception and will take the necessary measures immediately. As in, without hesitation.
No more talk of a vast, Bunker-wide disaster will be tolerated. There has been no disaster, there never was any disaster, and there never will be any disaster. The Bunker is a utopia. Nothing untoward could ever happen to it.
You heard her right, citizens. It appears that over the course of the last few weekstretches, an evil fifth column has been actively working to convince everyone that the power has gone out, the ambient temperature is fluctuating wildly, and the cybots have run amok. There is even talk that certain departments have been exposed to the planetary conditions on the outside.
Citizens, nothing could be further than the truth. And if you want to stay alive, you should pay attention to what Marsha and I are saying. Careful attention.
Control has noticed a sharp decline in industrial output over the same period. Clearly, these traitorous elements have devised a new strategy to attack our morale as opposed to our infrastructure.
We must, of course, fight back.
Not only will our work quotas be restored, but in many cases they will be temporarily increased.
You heard what Marsha said. We've got a lot of making up to do. And it would be very unwise for anyone to allege that the metro isn't running or their commissary is dispensing poison instead of healthy, nutritious Vitamim.
Or that D-7 sector doesn't exist anymore.
Because Control can clearly tell that the metro is running, your commissary is full of satisfied people, and D-7 sector is exactly where it's always been.
There's no point in claiming you're the only one showing up for work, either. After all, Control can plainly see that your entire team is happily plugging away at whatever it is they have always plugged away at. Except you. You're not plugging away.
Get it, citizens?
I think they got it, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today!
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
April 9, 2015
Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to all you survivors out there, wandering aimlessly around in the dark! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
This is Marsha Wong, formerly a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, a field organizer in the same!
We're your new spokespersons until someone from Today's Edition can untangle their circuit board and send somebody else down here to take over in an official capacity. That's right! We've restored the power and dumped the bodies in the corridor outside. We've got runners shuttling back and forth between our location out here in the dark and a containment team led by none other than celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, Milfred Roth!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Beta clearance citizen Milfred Roth has taken it upon himself to raise the morale of all you lost souls starving and thirsting in the dark and try to guide you back in.
Now, as some of you may know, citizen Hillary and I were wrongfully accused not long back of – well, there's no reason to dig up false and entirely baseless accusations. Suffice it to say, Milfred Roth knows a loyal, dedicated citizen when he sees one! What exactly he was doing in a Homeland Security interrogation center drenched in blood and carrying a full complement of waterboarding equipment is anyone's guess and certainly not our place to ask.
So here we are! And because we are not actually employees of Rammatooma Media, Ltd. – the owner and license holder of that name you've come to love to trust, Today's Edition – and do not wish to run afoul of any copyright enforcers, we've decided to call our broadcasts Your Edition Today!
Well, Hillary, let's get down to it, shall we?
With pleasure, Marsha. The lads from Control have designated the Lower Quarters of all sectors as temporary safe havens, since they seem to have sustained the least damage. Anyone left without shelter due to the recent disaster has been requested to report to the Lower Quarters of the sector they are currently in for reassignment.
Hillary, there have been reports that due to the magnitude and scale of the damage and the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for it, Control is terminating anyone who falls into its hands indiscriminately?
Sounds like absolute malarky to me, Marsha. Control is the only organization in the Bunker that's kept its cool in this mess. If there is anyone under the dome I'd trust right now, it's someone from Control! People who tell you otherwise are terrorists.
My thoughts exactly, Hillary. Also, we've been instructed to let you know that emergency guidelines have been promulgated which make it a crime to hoard food in any form: this includes stray bags of PermaCrispy and PermaChunky, tins of Algatine, cans of Flappantastic, Blue Fixx, and any other treat that comes from a vending machine or similar dispenser. The food pits – those happy places where delicious and nutritious vitamim is produced – are strictly off limits to unauthorized access. Even food pits which are not currently operational fall under this guideline. Trespassers are traitors and will be dealt with accordingly!
Citizens, if you have access to extra food or water, you are instructed to bring it to a responsible guardian from Defense so it can be fairly distributed.
And I think I should mention you should do this before reporting to the Lower Quarters for reassignment.
Thanks, Marsha.
No problem, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today, citizens. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! some time during the next weekstretch, provided the power stays on long enough to get it to you.
Stay brave, and don't give up hope. After all, we are citizens of the Bunker. All of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
This is Marsha Wong, formerly a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, a field organizer in the same!
We're your new spokespersons until someone from Today's Edition can untangle their circuit board and send somebody else down here to take over in an official capacity. That's right! We've restored the power and dumped the bodies in the corridor outside. We've got runners shuttling back and forth between our location out here in the dark and a containment team led by none other than celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, Milfred Roth!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Beta clearance citizen Milfred Roth has taken it upon himself to raise the morale of all you lost souls starving and thirsting in the dark and try to guide you back in.
Now, as some of you may know, citizen Hillary and I were wrongfully accused not long back of – well, there's no reason to dig up false and entirely baseless accusations. Suffice it to say, Milfred Roth knows a loyal, dedicated citizen when he sees one! What exactly he was doing in a Homeland Security interrogation center drenched in blood and carrying a full complement of waterboarding equipment is anyone's guess and certainly not our place to ask.
So here we are! And because we are not actually employees of Rammatooma Media, Ltd. – the owner and license holder of that name you've come to love to trust, Today's Edition – and do not wish to run afoul of any copyright enforcers, we've decided to call our broadcasts Your Edition Today!
Well, Hillary, let's get down to it, shall we?
With pleasure, Marsha. The lads from Control have designated the Lower Quarters of all sectors as temporary safe havens, since they seem to have sustained the least damage. Anyone left without shelter due to the recent disaster has been requested to report to the Lower Quarters of the sector they are currently in for reassignment.
Hillary, there have been reports that due to the magnitude and scale of the damage and the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for it, Control is terminating anyone who falls into its hands indiscriminately?
Sounds like absolute malarky to me, Marsha. Control is the only organization in the Bunker that's kept its cool in this mess. If there is anyone under the dome I'd trust right now, it's someone from Control! People who tell you otherwise are terrorists.
My thoughts exactly, Hillary. Also, we've been instructed to let you know that emergency guidelines have been promulgated which make it a crime to hoard food in any form: this includes stray bags of PermaCrispy and PermaChunky, tins of Algatine, cans of Flappantastic, Blue Fixx, and any other treat that comes from a vending machine or similar dispenser. The food pits – those happy places where delicious and nutritious vitamim is produced – are strictly off limits to unauthorized access. Even food pits which are not currently operational fall under this guideline. Trespassers are traitors and will be dealt with accordingly!
Citizens, if you have access to extra food or water, you are instructed to bring it to a responsible guardian from Defense so it can be fairly distributed.
And I think I should mention you should do this before reporting to the Lower Quarters for reassignment.
Thanks, Marsha.
No problem, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today, citizens. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! some time during the next weekstretch, provided the power stays on long enough to get it to you.
Stay brave, and don't give up hope. After all, we are citizens of the Bunker. All of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
April 2, 2015
Today's Edition
How does this thing work anyway? Huh? What? This button? I already pressed it. TAP! TAP! No, the panel's broken. I don't see any – wait! See that databank there? The wheels are spinning. Yeah, better prop it up so it doesn't fall down like the others. But I think you're right. The transponder seems be operational.
Hello? Citizens? Well, of course you're not going to answer me back. The sign outside the door says Today's Edition. This is a one-way transmission. Anyway, citizens, I'm going to keep this snappy. It's not good to be caught in tight spaces with only one exit. If you're still breathing, you know the drill.
All the staff here is dead or deserted. This office is in shambles. I'd say there was a firefight. Everybody knows the traitors came out of the walls as soon as the electricity went out and the lights stopped working. They were everywhere! Still are, too.
So look, I'm doing my patriotic duty and took a lot of risks just to let you flapheads wandering around out there in the dark in on what's been going on. At least, what I've seen. And I've seen a lot. Me and my wife and two kids have travelled through most of T-12 sector scrounging for food and – uh, weapons. That's right! I'm not cleared to have them and neither are you, but in these dire circumstances, grab one if you can! No one is going to hold it against you.
The most important thing to know – if you don't know already – is that the boys over at Control are still in charge. That's right! Best news I've had all weekstretch. Whatever hit us knocked us pretty hard, but depending on where you are, some places got socked worse than others. Some departments have been able to restore power, or never lost it. That's where Control – supported by contingents from Homeland Security, of course – has been most active. Crews are being organized to fix the place up. The most effective ones have Thought Leaders embedded to speed up the work and coordinate with the other teams. It's impressive how quickly they are making progress.
Remember: out there in the dark, your PA is your best friend – but also your worst enemy. Fluctuating electric and magnetic fields can cause charges to build up in circuitry or on the surface of metallic objects. The results can be devastating – and deadly. If you're lucky enough to find one, make sure you're wearing a Faraday suit before operating any powered device or touching anything metal. These charges can build up at any time, so watch out! But on the flip side, if you happen to tap into an operating server on one of the subnets, you'll find it a whole lot easier to make your way in out of the dark. I never thought I'd be saying it, but the slop never tasted so good, especially when you've been starving, believe me.
Also, avoid cybots at all costs, even the cleanbots. A lot of them got fried, and those that withstood the voltage are likely to be behaving strangely. And by that I mean dangerously! Or maybe they are just leaning on the chaos and destruction as an excuse to take revenge on us poor organics? Anyway, my advice is don't try and find out. Leave that to the experts over at Homeland Security.
Let's see, what else? Be careful crossing puddles and pools of water, especially if you're thirsty! I've seen more than one –
What, honey? Someone's by the door?
Oh shit! Jean, where's your gun. Fritz, behind me. Behind me! Did you hear what I –
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
Hello? Citizens? Well, of course you're not going to answer me back. The sign outside the door says Today's Edition. This is a one-way transmission. Anyway, citizens, I'm going to keep this snappy. It's not good to be caught in tight spaces with only one exit. If you're still breathing, you know the drill.
All the staff here is dead or deserted. This office is in shambles. I'd say there was a firefight. Everybody knows the traitors came out of the walls as soon as the electricity went out and the lights stopped working. They were everywhere! Still are, too.
So look, I'm doing my patriotic duty and took a lot of risks just to let you flapheads wandering around out there in the dark in on what's been going on. At least, what I've seen. And I've seen a lot. Me and my wife and two kids have travelled through most of T-12 sector scrounging for food and – uh, weapons. That's right! I'm not cleared to have them and neither are you, but in these dire circumstances, grab one if you can! No one is going to hold it against you.
The most important thing to know – if you don't know already – is that the boys over at Control are still in charge. That's right! Best news I've had all weekstretch. Whatever hit us knocked us pretty hard, but depending on where you are, some places got socked worse than others. Some departments have been able to restore power, or never lost it. That's where Control – supported by contingents from Homeland Security, of course – has been most active. Crews are being organized to fix the place up. The most effective ones have Thought Leaders embedded to speed up the work and coordinate with the other teams. It's impressive how quickly they are making progress.
Remember: out there in the dark, your PA is your best friend – but also your worst enemy. Fluctuating electric and magnetic fields can cause charges to build up in circuitry or on the surface of metallic objects. The results can be devastating – and deadly. If you're lucky enough to find one, make sure you're wearing a Faraday suit before operating any powered device or touching anything metal. These charges can build up at any time, so watch out! But on the flip side, if you happen to tap into an operating server on one of the subnets, you'll find it a whole lot easier to make your way in out of the dark. I never thought I'd be saying it, but the slop never tasted so good, especially when you've been starving, believe me.
Also, avoid cybots at all costs, even the cleanbots. A lot of them got fried, and those that withstood the voltage are likely to be behaving strangely. And by that I mean dangerously! Or maybe they are just leaning on the chaos and destruction as an excuse to take revenge on us poor organics? Anyway, my advice is don't try and find out. Leave that to the experts over at Homeland Security.
Let's see, what else? Be careful crossing puddles and pools of water, especially if you're thirsty! I've seen more than one –
What, honey? Someone's by the door?
Oh shit! Jean, where's your gun. Fritz, behind me. Behind me! Did you hear what I –
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Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
