Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A major disaster was narrowly averted at the Michael Grimm medical clinic in G-10 sector. After patients treated at the clinic began to report severe bouts of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, a team of first responders from Defense cordoned off the premises and moved in. Highly trained and professionally heroic, they quickly zeroed in on the culprit: abnormally high levels of beta particle emission from the clinic's bank of X-ray machines. The element thulium – the source of X-rays in the Bunker's state-of-the-art medical equipment – has many radioisotopes, but only a few are considered safe. An investigation is ongoing, but sabotage has not been ruled out. Citizens are requested to be on the alert and report suspicious activity as soon as it is observed. Only you can prevent the illegal trafficking of dangerous waste from our nuclear power facilities!
In other news, a new dwarf planet has been catalogued by sky charters from Procurement. Located in the Kuiper belt beyond the orbit of Neptune, its great distance from the Bunker as well as icy composition render it a poor candidate for mining. However, our sky charters have determined that it is not likely to suffer any catastrophic collisions in the near future. The as yet unnamed planetoid could conceivably be used as a staging ground for further exploration of our solar system, including the famed Oort Cloud. This region of space defines the limits of our solar system and marks the end of the sun's gravitational dominance. The Bunker is renowned for its technological innovation. One daystretch, our fellow citizens will tread on the very planets of Alpha Centauri itself. Doesn't the knowledge make you proud?
And now a word from our sponsors.
Prototypical, Inc., your trusted supplier of nuclear powered batteries, is pleased to announce our latest line of detached power sources for your steppod, scooter, or car. Our newest models can even be plugged in to your favorite help- or petbot! They weigh less and last longer, and they are compatible with all standard charging stations. Worried about noxious leaks and deadly poisons? We are happy to report that our customers suffer fewer fatalities due to structural malfunction than the next leading brand. Just check out the statistics on our site in X.net! Prototypical, Inc. “Isn't the convenience worth the risk?”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Proper etiquette of speech is just as relevant to the quality of our daily life as hygiene and fulfilling our daily quota. Even the most careful and diligent citizen sometimes uses words that are not listed in the Guidelines on Vocabulary and Proper Grammar. Take the word “car”, a common synonym for “autopod”. Popular rumor has it that the word originates from Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The earthlings were despicable people who destroyed their planet out of uncontrolled greed and malice. No product of theirs could ever find a home in our pleasant utopia. In fact, the word “car” was coined by citizen Robert Ford, a young anchorman on the Loyalty Stretch who had an aversion to words with multiple syllables. Still, it is by all means preferable to use the official nomenclature when referring to your own, personal movepod. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of X-ray machines, all citizens with broken bones are requested to describe the nature and location of the fracture before treatment can commence. Also, Y sector no longer exists, nor has it ever existed. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, you are delusional and should report for a memory wash. And remember, Nutty the Happy Neutron is your friend! We all know how Nutty is so fond of reminding us that nuclear power is safe and efficient. This coming weekstretch be on the lookout for Nutty as he makes a number of cameo appearances on vidshows you trust and enjoy. There's nothing to get worked up about!
The Color of the Patriot is sasquatch.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A major disaster was narrowly averted at the Michael Grimm medical clinic in G-10 sector. After patients treated at the clinic began to report severe bouts of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, a team of first responders from Defense cordoned off the premises and moved in. Highly trained and professionally heroic, they quickly zeroed in on the culprit: abnormally high levels of beta particle emission from the clinic's bank of X-ray machines. The element thulium – the source of X-rays in the Bunker's state-of-the-art medical equipment – has many radioisotopes, but only a few are considered safe. An investigation is ongoing, but sabotage has not been ruled out. Citizens are requested to be on the alert and report suspicious activity as soon as it is observed. Only you can prevent the illegal trafficking of dangerous waste from our nuclear power facilities!
In other news, a new dwarf planet has been catalogued by sky charters from Procurement. Located in the Kuiper belt beyond the orbit of Neptune, its great distance from the Bunker as well as icy composition render it a poor candidate for mining. However, our sky charters have determined that it is not likely to suffer any catastrophic collisions in the near future. The as yet unnamed planetoid could conceivably be used as a staging ground for further exploration of our solar system, including the famed Oort Cloud. This region of space defines the limits of our solar system and marks the end of the sun's gravitational dominance. The Bunker is renowned for its technological innovation. One daystretch, our fellow citizens will tread on the very planets of Alpha Centauri itself. Doesn't the knowledge make you proud?
And now a word from our sponsors.
Prototypical, Inc., your trusted supplier of nuclear powered batteries, is pleased to announce our latest line of detached power sources for your steppod, scooter, or car. Our newest models can even be plugged in to your favorite help- or petbot! They weigh less and last longer, and they are compatible with all standard charging stations. Worried about noxious leaks and deadly poisons? We are happy to report that our customers suffer fewer fatalities due to structural malfunction than the next leading brand. Just check out the statistics on our site in X.net! Prototypical, Inc. “Isn't the convenience worth the risk?”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? Proper etiquette of speech is just as relevant to the quality of our daily life as hygiene and fulfilling our daily quota. Even the most careful and diligent citizen sometimes uses words that are not listed in the Guidelines on Vocabulary and Proper Grammar. Take the word “car”, a common synonym for “autopod”. Popular rumor has it that the word originates from Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. The earthlings were despicable people who destroyed their planet out of uncontrolled greed and malice. No product of theirs could ever find a home in our pleasant utopia. In fact, the word “car” was coined by citizen Robert Ford, a young anchorman on the Loyalty Stretch who had an aversion to words with multiple syllables. Still, it is by all means preferable to use the official nomenclature when referring to your own, personal movepod. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of X-ray machines, all citizens with broken bones are requested to describe the nature and location of the fracture before treatment can commence. Also, Y sector no longer exists, nor has it ever existed. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, you are delusional and should report for a memory wash. And remember, Nutty the Happy Neutron is your friend! We all know how Nutty is so fond of reminding us that nuclear power is safe and efficient. This coming weekstretch be on the lookout for Nutty as he makes a number of cameo appearances on vidshows you trust and enjoy. There's nothing to get worked up about!
The Color of the Patriot is sasquatch.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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